Life

Jail Bait

The only time I listen to “regular” radio is when I’m taxiing kids to and from school/events (well, I listen to talk radio in the afternoons, but that’s a different post) and I always enjoy Thursdays because our local station has a pretty prominent and popular attorney slash judge on their show giving out free legal advice.

I always love listening to what he has to say and then try and give out my own “legal” advice to the caller.

And I mean “legal” in the loosest term. (I used to aspire to be a paralegal way back when – actually, I would STILL love to be a paralegal, truth be known).

This morning, I turned it on in time to hear a mother calling in concerned about her 19-year old son dating a 15-year old girl. She was concerned because she was afraid that at some point this girl might call “foul” and accuse her son of rape or some other inappropriate behavior and considering she’s a minor and her son wants to go to college to become a teacher, any sort of accusation at this point in his life could, well, ruin his life.

It was as if I had called in to that show. Not that my sons are dating a 15-year old girl, or any girl for that matter (as far as I know – Ack, let’s not go there, kay?), but I’ve often wondered what I would do or how I would react in a similar situation.

I mean, what could you do? The boy/man is 19 and legal – parental rights have expired – at least on the “you do what I say or else” level.

But don’t you wonder what the parents of the 15-year old girl is thinking? I mean, I don’t have girls (thank the GOOD LORD above), but I’m pretty sure if my 15-year old daughter was dating a 19-year old boy, I’d have something to say about it.

And at the very least, working to make sure that she’s never alone with him.

But let’s be realistic – we can’t be with our kids 24/7 (even though some of us try – and you know I’m talking about YOU). And there would come a time when they were alone and … uh … things might happen (i.e. sex for those that haven’t had their morning coffee yet) and then what? I mean, I really feel for the boy here because let’s go down that what if road, shall we?

What if they have sex. And then afterwards the boy does something, or says something, to make the girl angry and because this is what girls/women do whenever they feel like they’ve been “scorned” she seeks revenge by spouting off something about being date raped or whatever and *POW*, the boy is in serious dog doo.

OR, let’s say the “kids” have sex and she becomes pregnant. Even though she consented, she’s now embarrassed and the parents are angry and she changes her story to the sex was NOT consensual in order to shift the blame and hopefully dilute her humiliation and *POW*, the boy is up to his neck in dog doo.

Really, the boys/men can’t win here, don’t you think? And I would think this even if I didn’t have boys. Actually, I’ve always thought this, even when I was a teenager. (Because yes, I really think like that. I’m old beyond my years, I guess).

In essence, the lawyer told the woman there really wasn’t any legal action to take. Her son was considered an adult and though he advised her to talk to the girl’s parents and caution them on the precarious relationship, there wasn’t much she could do. He did urge her to talk to her son and warn him of the possible dangers of dating an underage girl, that even a hint of uncouth behavior could ruin his chances of becoming a teacher but … ?

Even though I agree with him, and I hear him, the whole situation frustrates the control freak in me. Though I pray (dear God, I pray) nothing like this ever happens to my boys – young “love” happens. You remember how everything is so DRAMATIC and URGENT and PASSIONATE at that age, right? Anything you tell kids in the throes of young love goes in one ear and out the other.

Situations like this keep me up at night.

The boys, of course, heard all of this exchange with me in the car. And of course, I used this as an opportunity to talk to them about finding themselves trapped in the same situation. It was all “hypothetical” of course, but I hope that my boys caught my inference and realized that they could find themselves in a similar situation.

The solution? Don’t date girls under eighteen.

Sounds easy, right?

I wish.

At any rate, I hope they were listening because this stuff? Is pretty serious and speaking as a woman who used to be a young, hormonal, dramatic teenager? Can happen all too easily.

I don’t think girls, women at large, truly understand how much power we hold in our hands. We have the power to ruin someone’s life with just a few (false) accusations.

I don’t want to scare my boys off women in general, just dating girls under eighteen.

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2 thoughts on “Jail Bait”

  1. Good grief, that’s even more complicated than I thought.

    Bottom line? Leave the under 18 girls ALONE.

    I still don’t get why the parents of that 15-year old are okay with a 19-year old boy dating their daughter. *shakes head*

  2. In some states, the girl wouldn’t even have to say “date rape”. The age difference is enough. If her parents objected, he’d be done for, period. In others, even if both are under 18, if it’s more than a 2 year age difference (say 17 and 14), it’s illegal. In others, 16 is viewed as the age of consent and the age of the partner doesn’t matter as long as they’re over 16 themselves. And yet in others, a teen can’t legally consent to sex no matter the age of the partner until the age of 16. So, two 15 year olds can’t legally have sex. Make sense? I didn’t think so. Too many rules. Too many chances for teens to screw up and get hit with sex with an under-aged minor at the very least.

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