Reflections

March Reflections 2025

Karen

One of these days, I’ll actually catch up to these Reflections’ entries. I really want to finish these because they’re an extension/expansion of the daily journal I write in

Mar 1

Mom wasn’t exactly feeling up to getting together today but I guilted her into it. She needed to talk and purge her feelings about losing my aunt, her sister. I worry about mom being by herself all the time. It’s not healthy to bottle up our feelings – get it out. Burn off that excess emotion with something positive. We ate at our favorite Chicken Salad place, she got some things off her chest, we came back to my house, we watched our two episodes of Survivor (our Saturday thing), then we worked on some felting crafts. I’ve never worked with felt before … it’s fun.

Mar 2

Boys came over for dinner, we had pasta bake. (Basically, spaghetti with penne noodles). We had a good conversation and we encouraged them about their jobs. I wish they could find their niche. I remember that disorienting feeling when I was younger of where do I fit in? What do I do with the rest of my life? Heck, I’m STILL wondering where I fit in, what am I doing with my life? We see the kids so much around the holidays and then virtually never the rest of the year. I’m going to try and make more of an effort to have them over for dinners, maybe a game, at least once a month.

Mar 3

I’m not a huge fan of homemade yogurt. It’s “supposed” to be good for you – give you the probiotics you need for a healthy gut. But either I’m doing it wrong or it’s just not for me but I sort of hate it. It’s so sour! I made the mistake of not refrigerating the probiotics and the went bad. That batch of yogurt stayed with us for days. (::ahem::), so I learned my lesson on that and now I refrigerate them. But still … I’m not a fan. I’ll keep trying because it’s “good” for me …

Mar 4

I’ve been making a point of saying good morning to Blake every week day. He’s getting off work about the time I’m getting up and getting ready for work. I hate that he’s back on overnight shift. He’s a night owl and I think he prefers it, but it’s lonely and isolating. He’s done the overnight shift before and he got a little depressed never seeing people, feeling like he was missing out on family stuff even though we made every effort to schedule things around his schedule so he could come, but still, it’s hard on the body both physically and mentally. Hopefully, this is a temporary gig until he can find something with more normal hours but in the meantime, I’m hoping my good mornings are helping, just a little.

Mar 5

Woke up to about an inch of snow on the ground. It’s windy and cold. How annoying, I was hoping winter was on the way out – I’m ready for some green – too much gray.

Mar 6

The supervisor role posted today. I had a friend send me a snippet of it and encouraged me to apply. I’m tempted. I would rock that role. I have a lot of ideas on how we can make things run more smoothly, more efficiently. But unfortunately, it would never work. The team lead, which is the person who would be my right-hand woman, is also applying. How awkward would it be to work with her if I got the job? I’m now her boss? I don’t think so. The biggest reason I won’t go for it? The head honcho is a bitch. I can’t stand her. She’s one of those bosses who thinks every idea she has is the ONLY idea and even when her idea is proven to not work? She refuses to even LISTEN to alternative ideas. I can’t work under someone that unwilling to listen to the worker bees. I would be fired within one week of that crap. So no. I will not be applying. Besides – who wants to be stuck on meetings ALL DAY LONG. Because that’s what supervisors do. I like my work. I’m good at it. I’ll stay where I’m at, thank you very much.

Mar 7

Lost my shit at work today. It was implied that I wasn’t doing my job by not cleaning up other people’s crap, even though I have plenty of my own crap to deal with, and patients were being rescheduled. Um, no. Patients are being rescheduled because the head honcho won’t allow us to try something different. What’s the definition of insanity? Or yeah, keep doing what is not working and expect different results. She’s such an idiot. On top of that, I had to leave early to pick mom up to go to my aunt’s funeral. Talk about an emotional switch. This was my first time going to a funeral where someone was cremated. It was so strange to stand around the wall where her ashes would be put into. She will be in the same wall space as her husband, who passed some years back. It was especially sad when they screwed the plate back on. Just the sound of the electric screwdriver in dead silence. Surreal.

Mar 8

Got together with mom today. She really needed some company. I wish I could keep her company during the week, too. Listened while she got some things off her chest. Ate at Panda Express for lunch, not my favorite, but mom likes it. Treated ourselves to a miniature Bundt cake. We love those things. We like to treat ourselves with something sweet while we watch Survivor. We ran to JoAnns to pick up some zippers mom needs for the cute crochet cross-over bags she’s making us for us to carry around on our cruise in August. CAN’T WAIT.

Mar 9

Someone jerk ran into my father-in-law with a cart at Walmart. The lady didn’t even apologize, just glared at him like it was HIS fault. What is wrong with people nowadays?! He didn’t fall, but it was hard enough to make his leg bleed. Kevin talked to management. He was furious. He wanted to press charges. Don’t think that can, or will, happen. It’s possible the woman didn’t even realize she bumped into him, we’re trying to look at all angles here, but he cried out in pain so even if she hadn’t realized she did it, would she not hear him? People are assholes.

Mar 10

Was in a bad mood. I felt bad for dumping my frustrations on my team lead but it was something we’ve all danced around for months and needed to be said. Who knows if there are changes or if it affects my job, but I just can’t hold in my frustration any more. I muted everyone on Teams, put my head down and worked my butt off today. It was nice to not anyone bugging me, staying away from the drama. The pre-registration department dumped a lot of cases on us. I’m wondering if this is the new norm?

Mar 11

Another beautiful day! Got up to 80 degrees today – I’m so ready for Spring. Told my boss that I’m happy to clean up other people’s crap – after my own work is done and if they want to pay me overtime. Not sure she was very happy with that “compromise” but – bite me. Don’t care. I looked up my Social Security account today to get an idea of how much I’ll be paid when I retire – more than I thought, but not nearly enough. It’s criminal how much you pay into the “system” and how little you get back. I can take early retirement at 62 … TWO years away!! The big questions is: WILL I?

Mar 12

The chicks are really growing!! They’ve reached the “teenage” years. They have lost their cuteness and they’re losing their baby feathers to make room for their permanent feathers and they’re looking spotty and ratty. Our oldest Chicken is really gentle with the younger chickens – the second oldest chicken picks on them. Most likely because she was picked one when she was young. Kevin is rearranging their hen house. He also build a triangle-looking cage to put on his lawn mower trailer so he can bring them over to our house so they can eat our bugs. We have soooo many bugs.

Mar 14

The winds were wicked today. Wind always makes me so nervous. Straight winds is what took out one of our trees in our backyard several years ago. Kevin called me, which always freaks me out because he NEVER calls – no one EVER calls me except when there’s an emergency. One of the trees at the rental house blew over and was leaning into another tree. He called someone and they came right out to cut off some limbs. They’ll be back tomorrow to cut down the rest of the tree. There goes another $1700!! GAH – trees are pretty but so expensive to maintain. I got to “duck” my first Jeep today while we were grocery shopping. Was fun, and a little terrifying, tucking a rubber duck into someone’s door handle.

Mar 15

Went to mom’s. We talked about our cruise and we’re planning on going luggage shopping. I can’t help but picture us struggling with luggage as we walk through the airports. I know mom’s luggage is super old and our luggage is pretty worn down, too. The wheels on our luggage aren’t very good and I just don’t want to have to worry about crappy luggage as we travel. Kevin and I talked about taking some road trips in the Jeep before we turn it in in April 2028. We thought it would be fun to drive down to New Orleans again and catch a cruise. So … we booked another cruise in November! It will be our birthday cruise! We booked it on Norwegian – we really like how they have their food/restaurants set up. Instead of one big dining room and a buffet, they have smaller, themed restaurants set up throughout the ship so everyone is spread out. So excited! Two cruises in one year??

Mar 17

My gosh the winds are terrible this year! We always get a lot of wind in March but I feel like this March is especially windy. Mom and I ran into a fancy yarn shop over the weekend and I encouraged her to check it out this week. I’m hoping she can make some friends! Mom is obsessed with yarn.

Mar 19

Think I’m eating too many bananas. My heart is doing crazy stuff, skipping, beating hard, my hands have started to go numb. I Googled it – I think I’m getting too much potassium. Eating a banana every day. Time to cut back. Some of it is stress, too. Need to re-center and not care about my job quite so much.

Mar 20

We all had a shock today. One of our supervisors, one of the women who created this department, just left. She was planning on retiring soon anyway but after a meeting with the head honcho woman and being dismissed, again, she had had it. Tensions have been building for a while. This supervisor was the only woman who had the guts to stand up to this head honcho bully. It’s really frustrating to work under a woman who refuses to listen to what you have to say, or entertain the thought that perhaps some of the decisions she’s making are DEAD wrong for the group. This head honcho wants yes women … I am not a yes woman. I have thoughts, opinions and suggestions and I’m always willing to work with whatever ideas that are presented, but to not even acknowledge that A. there is a problem and B. we need to fix it?? Yeah – I will NOT be applying to part of this management team. It’s amazing how many people have left because of this moron. Get a clue, lady.

Mar 21

Another person quit today. The department is dropping like flies. Too bad someone above honcho lady isn’t noticing and more importantly, wondering, why is everyone leaving??

Mar 24

My supervisor and team lead shadowed me today. It’s so awkward when you “train” management. Also, why do we train management? Shouldn’t they already know what we do? Hence the problem with management, right? Not just our management, but management in general. Ordered a new Bissell vacuum for the hardwoods today – the Dirt Devil finally bit the dust.

Mar 25

Blue Cross Blue Shield’s portal was still down today so I had to cancel the the “training” session today. Not much to do if one of our major insurance portals is down. Getting lazy on the treadmill walking before work thing. I would just rather sleep an extra hour. But I sit so much throughout the day, that’s not good.

Mar 26

Brandon, our baby, turned 30 yesterday! He’s not taking it very well. I remember turning 30, then 50, then 60 … yeah – those milestone birthdays are hard. He’s still working on his digital art. He knows a lot of people in the industry but it’s a tough industry to get into. He’s self-taught – really proud of him for taking the initiative and having the discipline to teach himself. Not to mention, he has saved THOUSANDS of dollars by not going to college. College is pretty much a scam nowadays. All they want to do is teach our kids how to be woke and a lot of useless nonsense. Nothing that will prepare them to be kind, empathetic, productive humans in society. In the meantime, Bran is still working at the bank. He’s not crazy about being on the phone and dealing with customers but also, it’s really good to have that experience – not only for work but life in general. I think everyone should be required to work with the public at some point in their lives – I think the world would be a better place, to be honest. We took him to Fuji’s – a Japanese they-cook-your-food-in-front-of-you place. The food was good, but they rushed us out, didn’t really give us a chance to enjoy our food, or the company, we were done in under an hour, and then it was $150 on top of that. Yeah, we won’t do that again. We came back to our house afterward and had our traditional Great American Cookie cake. Which is also stupid expensive. I remember the days it was $25, which I thought was nuts, now it’s double that! But we can’t stop buying them – we’ve been buying them for decades and it’s a tradition. Birthdays are expensive. lol

Mar 27

Management is going to keep track of our productivity. This has made a lot of people mad, and I’m annoyed, but also, I get it. We’re remote. It’s like they can walk by our desk to see if we’re working or not. And let’s face it, some people probably DO take advantage of the fact that they work from home and aren’t supervised as much as people who work in the office. I’m not worried – I definitely carry my weight, and then some, (a lot), but it’s still a little nerve wracking they are “watching” us. They also want to know how long cases take, which, fair, but also, hard to gauge as some cases are more complicated than others. Not to mention, some providers do a terrible job of documenting what is happening so it takes more time to dig for documentation to build a case and present to the insurance company so they can make their decision. I’m pretty fast at the process, but I think in large part because I have Medical Assistant experience. I know the “lingo” and understand the provider’s though process and the steps it takes to reach the patient’s goal. If someone doesn’t have that experience, it would be way harder and definitely more time consuming to put the puzzle pieces together.

Mar 28

Lost another person, this time on my team. We can NOT keep people on the Urgent Action Team. And to be honest, I get it. This flow, time frame, this amount of multi-tasking is not for everyone. It doesn’t help that management expects us to be the clean-up crew for another group of people, either. I’m hoping all of these people leaving will open the head honcho’s eyes and we can finally start making some positive changes. We’ll see. I’m not holding my breath. Now this means I will be expected to work harder and faster until we can hire another person. And guess who management will expect to train this new person? Exactly.

Mar 29

Got together with mom for our weekly Saturday thing. We went to the mall today. I haven’t been to the mall in ages. It always sort of depresses me. It’s so … empty. Both in customers and retail stores. We went to JCPenneys to look at luggage for our cruise in August. Mom bought a five-piece set for $100! I’m so relieved. I was worried about her struggling with her luggage on our trip. Trips are already so stressful without having to worry about if your luggage breaking down. We bought cookie dough at a shop in the mall for our treat. Then watched Survivor and set up a Google Meet to talk to my sister. It was a good day! Went by fast!

Mar 30

One of our my teammates called in sick today – I have a feeling this will become a patter with her. She seems to have a lot of physical ailments. That left three of us today. I covered 15 alpha letters so I was pretty busy. It’s Patient Access week, which means management will kiss our butts, tell us what a great job we’re doing but no, we’re not going to change anything so that your jobs actually become easier. Par for the course, I suppose. I have zero interest in participating. I’m pissed, tired and overworked. Bite me.

Thanks for reading.

Wordy Wednesday

Wordy Wednesday – Matching Pajama Bottoms

Karen

I made everyone wear matching pajama bottoms on New Year’s Eve. Me, Kevin, the boys, my mom and LeRoy. I’m the one wearing the ones that are too short. Come to find out, later, I had given my mom the Tall ones and myself the regular.

Oops.

I’m surprised the kids went along with it. I had forgotten to hand them out Christmas Eve and the boys just scoffed and pretty much said they wouldn’t have worn them otherwise. But come New Year’s Eve, they wore them. I think they didn’t want to disappoint me.

They’re such good boys – erhm – men.

We played a lot of games, ate a lot of food and watched The Day the Earth Stood Still. (Meh)

I ended up driving my mom home because she’s 79, it was pitch black on New Year’s Eve, at nearly 1:00 AM and you never know who is out on the roads at that time.

And now, here we are – already starting the FOURTH month of 2026.

STOP! Too fast, too fast! Slow down!

We will blink and we’ll be back in matching pajama bottoms, playing games, eating food and watching movies on New Year’s Eve.

Again.

At the Moment, Life

Knee Deep

Karen

I’m a spoiled princess.

I know this. It’s no secret. Kevin spoils me rotten.

I rely on him to be my fix-it man, and my yard guy.

Confession: I have never mowed our grass. Any grass, really. Could I do it if I needed to? Sure. Would I struggle and look like an idiot, (how do you turn this thing on?) Yep. Most definitely.

But I haven’t had to because I have a wonderful husband who takes care of it, and who does a really good job taking care of it.

Call me a 50’s housewife – it’s fine. You won’t hurt my feelings.

(Unlike some people – I don’t run around with my feelings on my sleeve).

My mom was the same way. She never had to take care of things outside the home because she had my dad to do it. And he enjoyed it. He loved being outdoors fiddling around with … man stuff.

I don’t pretend to understand man stuff.

But since he passed away, (the 3rd year anniversary of my dad’s death has just come/gone – can’t believe he’s only been gone for three years and yet at the same time, it feels like he’s been gone longer), mom has had to try and figure stuff out. Sure – she has us to help her, and Kevin has done a FANTASTIC job of helping her, but, Kevin also has our house, our rental house, his chickens, his elderly parents … he has a lot on his plate. He’s one man – he can only do so much.

Mom has been learning to do the outside stuff on her own. I’m so PROUD of her for rolling up her sleeves and figuring out how to use the lawn mowers, the weed eater, etc. It hasn’t been easy but she’s stubborn and persistent and she’s been figuring it out.

I worry about her, though. She’s 79 after all. I’m not sure it’s a good idea for her TO do it. I worry about her getting too hot, or getting injured and I have tried, and will continue to try, to talk her into hiring someone to take care of her lawn but like I said, she’s stubborn. She says as long as JT, (the lawn mower – a nickname my dad used – I think it stands for John’s tractor, but I could be wrong), continues to run, she will continue to ride it.

Now that the weather has been wildly too warm for this time of year …

(Side note: Take a GANDER at our temperature ranges these past few weeks! )

The trees are blooming, the flowers are coming out and yes, the dang grass is growing.

So – she’s been out there on JT. And she mentioned that the last time she was on JT she drove over a few holes in her lawn. At one point, it scared her because she thought the mower might tip over with her on it.

And that, of course, scared me.

She mentioned something about needing some dirt so she can fill in those holes. Mom and dad used to have rabbits. And they would dig holes in the yard whenever they ran around the back yard – hence where the holes came from.

I mentioned that Kevin had some dirt and maybe he would have some time to go over to her house and fill the holes in for her.

When I said something to Kevin, he said he would go over there and fill them in, but that was a few weeks ago. Remember the busy part? But, he kept thinking about it and this past Saturday, when mom came over to our house to hang out with me, he took some dirt over to her house and filled in the holes. Mom mentioned that there was one hole that she thought was pretty deep … and she wasn’t wrong.

That’s Kevin standing in the hole that mom “thought” was pretty deep.

She was right. If she, or someone walking around her backyard, had stepped into that hole, that person would very likely snap his/her ankle. Not to mention, it was the perfect size to snag a riding lawn mower tire and topple my 79-year old mother who is too stubborn to hire someone to take care of her lawn for her.

:;gulp::

Crisis averted. Kevin saved the day. The holes have been filled and that’s one less thing I have to worry about.

Thank goodness mom said something and Kevin went over there and fixed it. When things like this happen, I can’t help but wonder if that was God’s way of tapping us on the shoulder to say, “Um, excuse me. I see a potential problem and I don’t want you folks to get hurt. You might think about taking care of that.”

Thank you for taking care of us, Father.

We definitely need looking after.

At the Moment, Can We Talk?, Politics

Orange Man Bad

Karen

I might make this a series … this is a REAL problem for some people.

It’s called TDS, Trump Derangement syndrome, and if you can’t read further because Trump triggers you, bye, have a nice day.

For the rest of us, let’s break this down …

Have you ever talked to someone who has TDS? Or, have you ever watched someone with TDS?

How can you tell if someone has TDS?

They can’t talk about anything OTHER than Donald Trump. They have wild eyes, their tone of voice is unnaturally shrill, they speak, but do not make sense. They possess zero ability to think outside the idea that Orange Man Bad, that Donald Trump is the Devil, Hitler, a Fascist, a Misogynist, a Homophobe, a Nazi … really, insert any name out there and that’s Trump in their minds.

And the thoughts that spew out of their heads is NOTHING but hatred for Trump. There is no diverting their attention to another topic, or, if you’re successful in diverting someone to another topic, that person somehow, inexplicably and irrationally somehow brings it back to Trump.

It’s Trump’s fault.

Trump is evil.

Trump is the reason everything in my life sucks.

It’s really bizarre and yet fascinating to watch.

I have never really spoke to anyone with TDS, though I suspect I have some relatives that might have fallen into this self-imposed “illness”. These relatives have made comments about possibly not wanting to see the rest of the family because their political beliefs are different than ours, ours being the “wrong” belief, and they don’t want any part of that.

How sad is that? So we disagree … okay … but also – so what?

We’re still family. Nothing will change that.

But that’s a topic for another day, I suppose.

I don’t bring TDS up to be flippant – people have a right to dislike, hate, loathe Trump, and I’m certainly not making fun of people who suffer from TDS, though sometimes the disconnect from reality is pretty funny, but rather – the concept of blaming all of one’s problems, heck, everything that is wrong with this WORLD on one man … is sort of fascinating to me.

So, in an honest attempt to understand this mental mystery, let’s start at the beginning. What IS Trump Derangement Syndrome? Well, according to Wikipedia:

Trump derangement syndrome, (TDS,) is a pejorative term used to describe irrational and extreme negative reactions to President Donald Trump, often characterized by an inability to distinguish between legitimate criticism and personal hostility. It is primarily used by Trump supporters to discredit his critics and suggest that their views are distorted by their dislike of him

That last sentence made me giggle. I suppose that could be true – a Trump supporter, not appreciating someone trash-talking a person they admire, trust and have put their hope into making this country a better place, could use TDS as an excuse to discredit criticism, but I would argue that this belief, attitude, obsession, goes WAY beyond simply disagreement, I truly think some people have lost all sense of reality and use Trump as a scapegoat for every disappointment in their life.

Full disclosure – I like Trump. I voted for him and I appreciate the fact that he has the balls to make the tough decisions and help get this country back on track. However – I’m not blind to his faults, his narcissism, his unique way of speaking and the fact that he LOVES to troll the people who hate him.

New flash: you’re being trolled, people. Trump intentionally says outlandish things because it amuses him to see the media, and his haters’ heads, explode. And the people who have TDS? Fall for it, every. Single. Time.

I don’t really care much for the man, though he’s intelligent, charismatic, and talented when it comes to making deals, he’s just a man who loves his country and wants to restore American values. Personally, I just want him to fix what Biden screwed up. I want a better economy, I want to restore morals and ethics and get back to being decent human beings. (Stop encouraging mentally disturbed men to become women, stop lobbing off body parts and brain-washing children into believing they will be happier if they became someone else). I want normalcy … and our country hasn’t been normal for quite some time.

Perhaps it never will be again.

I’m not here to make fun of people who suffer from TDS, (I actually feel sorry for them, truth be known), I’m more interested in knowing WHY someone falls into this disturbed black hole of rage to begin with.

I’m not a psychologist, or a psychiatrist or particularly smart or clever, but what I AM is a realist. I don’t go through life wearing rose-colored glasses – I see the world around me for what it is. Sometimes beautiful, sometimes grim, sometimes disturbing but ALWAYS real. Some people, for whatever reason, and I’m sure everyone has their own reasons, choose to ignore reality and base their decisions, beliefs, existence on how they feel.

I’ve never understood this way of life. Sure – we’re all human, we all have feelings, we all have days/times when we made stupid decisions based on feelings in the past, but ultimately, one MUST come back down to Earth and face reality – the truth-truth – not someone else’s version of the truth.

The facts.

And facts are not always pleasant and some people have a real problem with facts, especially when those facts do not perfectly align with how we were brought up, swayed to believe, or FEEL like it should be.

So what does one do? Find a scapegoat.

And that is where Trump comes into play.

I think some people who have grown up or become indoctrinated into believing the world should be a certain way, but it’s not, because you know, that pesky reality thing, have no choice but to blame another person, entity, occasion for the reason the stars are not aligning and their warped view of the world is not being justified by reality. Instead of stepping back, looking at the big picture and entertaining the possibility they might be WRONG, they stubbornly keep their eye glued to the eyeglass and refuse to look away from their preconceived notions.

Objectivity? Never heard of her.

Critical thinking? What – are you speaking a foreign language?! What in the world does THAT mean?

Exactly. No one even knows what those terms are anymore, let alone apply them.

And that’s sad. And alarming. And sometimes, downright scary.

So. I wonder how many people with TDS are actually using Trump as an excuse to not face reality. Because their reactions to him, and their inability to have a rational conversation without injecting Trump into the conversation, even if it CLEARLY has nothing to do with him, is … strange.

Now – are there people out there that truly believe Trump is trying to cause harm to our country? Are there people out there that truly think they’re on the right side of an issue and are only trying to save our country from … insert whatever reason people think..? Of course. Everyone has a right to his/her opinion – however – when one is unwilling, or incapable, of listening to an opposing view, or incapable of contemplating that perhaps what they believe is wrong – Houston, we have a problem.

And by incapable, I mean people who fall to their knees and scream at the sky because they lack the emotional maturity to process disappointment, or anyone who doesn’t align with their beliefs or thought processes. People who are not willing, or incapable, of having a rational conversation without losing their damn minds …

I’m sorry, folks, but that’s called mental illness.

Am I always right? Of course not. And I freely, and willingly admit that. I like to think of myself as possessing a healthy dose of skepticism. I have two life mottos:

  1. Question Authority
  2. Prove it

I do not, nor will I ever, blindly accept what someone else states as “fact” if all they have to bring to the table is “feelings.”

Girl, please.

Go drink some green tea, take a nap, and come back when you have calmed down.

TDS? Is real. In my opinion, it’s a coping mechanism to avoid facing facts. Just because you WANT something to be a certain way doesn’t mean A. it will be that way and B. IS NOT REALISTIC.

All I’m saying is: Stop. Take a breath. And consider the possibility that perhaps, just perhaps, there are better alternatives to a problem. And then, stop, take a breath, dust off the part of the brain that produces logical thought and listen. You might be right after all, or, you may very well be WAAAAY off the mark.

THAT my friends, is called being an adult.

Now – let’s lighten the mood and watch a little Baby Trump. (I’ve been hooked on this channel for a bit). Just because I like what the man is doing for our country doesn’t mean I can’t recognize his faults – we all have them – I just choose not to take HIM as seriously as some that have TDS.

It’s okay to laugh. Don’t forget that.

Reflections

February Reflections 2025

Karen

One of these days, I’ll actually catch up to these Reflections’ entries. I really want to finish these because they’re an extension/expansion of the daily journal I write in.

Feb 1

Pinner’s Conference! Mom and I made the trip up to Kansas City for the Pinner’s Conference again this year. You can read about last year’s trip here. For those that don’t know, a Pinner’s Conference is:

Pinners is two incredible events in one: a hands-on conference with 100+ creative classes led by top presenters, and a vibrant shopping show with hundreds of unique businesses showcasing the best in DIY, fashion, crafts, cooking, beauty, photography and more.

You don’t need Pinterest to join us, just your creative spirit! So join us and see where shopping and learning come to life.

They host these conferences in various places around the US: Kansas City, Utah, Colorado, Texas, Arizona and even St. George … Virgin Islands? (no clue).

If you’re even remotely into crafts, THIS is the conference for you. Not only do you get to shop various crafts booths, you can sit down at a make-and-take-it table and make a craft to take home, (it’s not free), AND they offer craft classes throughout the two-days where you can again, learn how to make a craft and take it home.

It’s a lot of fun. Mom and I had a blast last year so we decided to go again this year.

Mom wrote a lot more detail on your blog post, you can read that here.

There were two crafts that I participated in that I really loved this year:

This wall hanging that says, “Faith Can Move Mountains” … and it really can, if you believe.

Here is what the final project looks like:

And this CUTE home decor piece we worked on … I think this might have been the very last class – saved the best for last, in my opinion …

Here is the final project …

I also bought two more kits to paint and switch out with the cow …

We were pretty pooped after two days of the conference, so we packed up our goodies and hauled it the two blocks back to my car. (We had to park quite a ways away from the conference center). We ate dinner at Wendy’s and crashed. The next morning, we met David and Angie (my brother and his wife) at a place called “The Shack” for breakfast. It was really good food and a fun send off before we drove home.

Can’t wait for next year!

Feb 3

Sooo tired. The weekend trip to KC really did a number on me. Had a hard time keeping my eyes open for work today.

Feb 4

Kevin dropped his phone one too many times and it wouldn’t turn on. He took it to a Verizon shop but they wanted too much to fix it so he bought a refurbished one on Amazon for a lot cheaper. It’s supposed to come tomorrow. It’s amazing how much you miss your phone when you don’t have it!

Feb 5

Lost a chicken today. We have two chickens left – Kevin is talking about getting more but .. it’s so much work for him. And yet, he really enjoys it so .. who knows if we buy more or not. We have a program at work called a rewards program. It’s a program that your peers can use to thank you for being a good team player, going above/beyond, etc. I cashed in some points today for an Amazon gift card and bought a little printer to print some pictures from my phone. Looking forward to using it!

Feb 6

Getting bored with my job. I guess this means I’m getting more comfortable with my job duties. Rumors are floating around about another mgmt position opening up and my supervisor thinks I would be a good fit. I’m seriously thinking about it … but I’m not sure I would want to be in meetings all day. I really do enjoy being a worker bee … just sort of bored with it right now.

Feb 7

Blake is between jobs. I wish he could find his niche in life. He’s just not sure what he wants to do. One thing about Blake though, he’s slow to make decisions but when he makes a decision, it’s WELL researched and thought out. Just hope it finds something soon, he’s living off his savings right now and that makes me nervous. Brandon is still pursuing his digital art passion. I have to admit, the kid is persistent and has been trying to make a go of it for the past nine years. He’s got an impressive portfolio and he’s self-taught, which takes a lot of discipline .. just wish he could find something in the field. It’s a very competitive field though so … all he can is try.

Feb 8

Saturday with mom. We had Chick-Fil-A for lunch while watching Survivor. (I’m really getting hooked on this show!) Fired up the laptop and we talked to my sister while we painted/finished our projects we bought from the Pinners’ conference.

Feb 10

Mom got her passport today!! I’m SO relieved!! She actually got it quicker than I thought she would. Now I don’t have to stress about documentation for our upcoming cruise in August. Got my little printer today – it’s so cute!

Feb 11

Got our yogurt maker, inulin and probiotic stuff today! I’m excited to make some yogurt. I watched Dr. Berg’s video on how to make yogurt and I want to give it a go. This yogurt is supposed to be good for your gut, too, helps replenish the good bacteria.

Feb 12

Snowed about an inch today. Weather like this really makes me thankful that I work from home!

Feb 13

Lost one of our really good UAT people today. She’s a nurse and is moving to the MED/IV group, which makes sense given her nursing background. I’m sort of relieved, we didn’t have enough work for the amount of people we had on the team but also … the people remaining are nice, but not very bright so … more work for me, for sure.

Feb 14

Watching A LOT of videos on what to pack and how to pack for our cruise in August for Alaska!!

Feb 15

Saturday with mom. She came over and we went to Fazoli’s for lunch then Michael’s to see if they had any wooden rings for a project. Treated mom to Starbuck’s, (I used my gift cards, otherwise, I NEVER go there – can’t stand the company, quite frankly), then back to my house to watch Survivor. We were going to get together with my sister, but we ran late and my sister ran late so we canceled it. But, I think mom and I need to get together earlier so that we have time to Zoom call my sister.

Feb 18

Snowed about five inches today. Blake came over and picked up his passport. He’s going back to work at Wal-Mart overnights. He just can’t settle on a job right now and he needs to make some money. He’s going back to overnights, which I’m not crazy about, but it’s something. I keep telling him it’s only temporary, don’t give up on finding something else and if that means he has to take a class, or get a certificate, so be it. Don’t give up.

Feb 19

My supervisor called me and encouraged me to apply for another supervisor position that opened up. I was very flattered but things are so crazy right now with mgmt, I just don’t think I would be a good fit. I was tempted for a hot minute, but ultimately, no. I think I would be miserable.

Feb 21

Super busy day. Now that we’re thawing back out, patients are making it back into the clinics and providers are busy working people in that missed their appointments. Spent a lot of time working RAD’s pendings, which pissed me off, and put me behind, so mgmt got involved and asked (told) them to take their own damn pendings back. (I added the damn part). Wow – so it CAN be done – they CAN work their own crap? Hmm … today only showed me that going to mgmt, for me, would be a huge mistake. I’m too opionated and headstrong … they want a yes woman, I’m NOT a yes woman.

Feb 22

Saturday with mom. Got her out of the house. We went to the mall and walked around. Ate Chick-Fil-A for lunch, shopped at Bath and Body Works, (didn’t buy anything – I don’t pay full price – only when stuff is on sale – they’re way too expensive), watched Survivor, talked to sis and did some more painting. I wish I could do more for mom … she’s by herself way too much and I know it depresses her.

Feb 23

Kevin said Blake text him about a tube TV he’s had his eye on for a while. He saw it on Facebook, (or was it eBay?) but it sold before he could make an offer. When Kevin was out doing his treasure hunting, he said he actually saw two, text Blake the serial numbers and Blake wanted the second one. Kevin said Blake was literally shaking when he took it back to the house, he was so excited. He came back over to our house and picked up some old games we had in storage along with some cords to make it work. It was really nice to see Blake smile. He’s been in a funk lately.

Feb 26

My cousin text mom – mom’s sister is not doing well. She has dementia and has had to go to a nursing home because it wasn’t safe for her to stay home by herself anymore. Mom would take her out every Thursday, just to get her out of the home. She had these weekly get together for years, but it’s become harder and harder for mom to take care of her sister – she’s lost so much of her speech and motor skills .. Dementia sucks. It drains the life out of people so they are only shells when it gets done with them.

Feb 27

My aunt died. Mom text me after work and I called her. She was able to go over to the home and see her but my aunt was in so much pain they had to give her some pretty heavy-duty pain medication so she wasn’t really aware of anything going on around her. Mom was planning on going back later in the day, but my aunt passed away before she could go back. This was mom’s younger sister, by just one year. Death is so strange, people are here, and then suddenly, they’re not. Mom only has one brother left in her entire family. I feel so bad for her. She’s had a rough two years.

Feb 28

I had the day off today. I take the occasion Friday off to give myself a long weekend. Well, sort of. When I’m off Fridays or Monday, I typically work Sundays to make up the time and so I don’t have to use PTO, so it’s not really a long weekend, but it’s nice to have off, just the same. I didn’t do much, but I did start another batch of yogurt. I wish I could figure out why it tastes so sour.

Thanks for reading!

Work Stuff

S.O.S.

Karen

HELP!

ALL HANDS ON DECK!

This has been the battle cry at work. On March 1st, the hospital that I work for switched our EMR (Electronic medical records) system. This has thrown everyone off kilter, myself included, and we’re moving at a snail’s pace. In addition to us not knowing where anything is, let alone collect those pieces and put the patient’s puzzle needs together, the work queues we work out of haven’t been working properly. It’s not that the program isn’t working, it’s working great, but that our preferences, parameters, settings all need to be tweaked and it’s slow going.

Another challenge is that we don’t really know what we’re doing, and this includes everyone. Management is in the same boat as us, so any time we have questions, we have to spend precious time looking at tip sheets or help pages, or good old fashion clicking around, to try and figure it out.

Since I’m part of UAT (the urgent action team), and time is of the essence … you can imagine what my life has been like these past two weeks. To be fair, the first week wasn’t that bad but now that we’re closing in on the second week, WOW.

This was predicted. The hospital has been planning for this switch for two plus years now and I have to admit, they’ve done a pretty good job of preparing people. They warned us the first four weeks were going to be tough, and they weren’t wrong.

They put together a Super User group of individuals through the entire hospital. I volunteered to be one of those Super Users. So – for the past year, we’ve had meetings that didn’t really say much or give us much information other than to reiterate time and time again, IT’S GOING TO BE TOUGH. HAVE PATIENCE, SHOW SOME EMPATHY … but I appreciated the effort because at least it was something.

The intention behind Super Users were to be available to help our peers through the process when we GO LIVE. Really, more for emotional support than technical support. Because we didn’t know anything more than our peers. Still don’t. We had early access to our training classes and were given early access to the system’s playground – which was a dummy set up, with dummy patients, that we could click around on and not have to worry about messing anything up, but additional training? No.

And that helped … somewhat. But all of that perceived confidence flew out the window the moment we went live and were actually in real-live patient charts. Things were set up differently, no one knew (or still knows), how to communicate with each other through this new system and patient care is moving at a snail’s pace.

This was expected, but it’s one thing to mentally prepare for it, it’s quite another thing to LIVE IT.

To be fair, I have it WAAAAAAAY easier than my poor clinic/hospital peers. The majority of my work is done through insurance portals. I’m getting information from the patient’s chart, placing it in a nice, neat package with a pretty bow on top to entice the insurance company to decide in my favor, and then once I have my answer from the insurance company, I document the crap out of it in the patient’s chart. So I’m working out of the chart but not really IN the chart.

Now – the clinic/hospital peeps – their whole job is to work IN the chart. They are clicking/documenting machines and I KNOW they’re struggling. You know how it is when you’re learning something new, it’s stressful, frustrating and tedious. And that’s just the program, then you have patients who are hurting, impatient and sometimes downright mean, and that only adds to the stress and the sense of urgency.

So – PLEASE, if you’re seeing your doctor or have to be in the hospital, or around any medical staff in general, PLEASE be patient and kind. You never know what the hospital staff is going through and being a-holes to them will only make it worse for yourself and the long line of people behind you.

(I put that in quotes to get your attention – haha!)

But back to me – because it’s all about me, of course.

To say we’ve been struggling would dilute the actual situation. We’re behind. We’re REALLY behind. Not just my team, (and there are only two of us at the moment so … YEAH – WE’RE BEHIND), but everyone. It’s a learning curve, we’ll get there, just not right now. So – in an attempt to get caught up and get reimbursed from insurance companies for testing that is being done, the hospital has approved all-hands on deck overtime for the next two weeks. In ADDITION to the normal overtime pay, (which thanks to Trump we no longer have to pay taxes on – at least until the next person comes in and reverses that because ORANGE MAN BAD), we get an ADDITIONAL chunk of change ON TOP of that overtime.

Folks … it’s good money. And you can bet your bottom dollar, (see what I did there?), that I will be taking FULL advantage of this opportunity.

To be honest, I already work a lot of overtime. It’s been an unspoken agreement between me and management for a long time – we’re only a two-woman team, after all. We’re working on hiring a third person, but let’s be honest, until I know what I’m doing, how can I possibly train another person what to do?? I work the day shift and my partner works from 12:30 to 9:00 PM. We can only do so much with the (wo)man power we have.

The straw on my camel’s back finally broke the other day and I had a meltdown. My tiny little group has been consistently dumped on these past two years so that I barely see sunlight anymore. We are the “problem-solving” group – anything problematic or anything mgmt doesn’t know what to do with, they dump on us. The biggest, and most egregious thing to be dumped on? Is we are expected to work other people’s pending cases when it falls into our “window.”

Let me explain. UAT works today, tomorrow and 48-hour cases. That’s just the way it was set up. The purpose behind UAT, or at least, it USED to be the purpose of UAT, is/was to take care of urgent/stat and add-on cases. The hospital has a dedicated team ready to handle these last-minute cases. But somewhere down the road, it was someone’s stupid idea to make it part of our duties to follow up (i.e. clean up), other people’s pending cases that haven’t been determined if they fall into our UAT window. This means, we are being asked to spend hours researching and fixing other people’s work.

So many things wrong with this scenerio – where do I start?

First of all – this takes responsibility away from the original analyst. Why put any effort into your work if you know it will soon become someone else’s problem?

Secondly – there is no motivation to do a good job. Why? It will soon become UAT’s problem. Enjoy.

Thirdly – Did you catch the part where I mentioned we are a TINY group of people? The other group that handles normal cases outside of UAT’s window? There are about 20 of them. Twenty people working cases and TWO UAT women. Do the math.

Fourth – when do we have time to do our normal work if we’re elbows deep in other people’s problems? Exactly.

There are so many more micro-aggressions to this problem I won’t bore you with the details, but that, coupled with us being buried w/ requests that aren’t routing properly in this new software and we’re becoming more and more behind … and I’ve been dealing with this “duty” for the past two years, trying every tactic under the sun but mgmt won’t listen to me … it’s like banging my head on a brick wall – I finally cracked.

My supervisor asked how things were going the other day and I nearly broke down and cried. For the record, I DON’T CRY. And if I do cry, it’s usually because I’m so frustrated that I’m about ready to explode, the frustration starts leaking out of my eyeballs. So, the fact that I was close to tears pissed me off. My supervisor could tell I was close to tears. I just told her I couldn’t talk about at that moment – I was too emotional and needed to compose myself.

We talked later. My supervisor is not the problem – I quite like her, actually. It’s upper management, but isn’t that nearly always the case in most companies? Upper management are typically a bunch of clueless zombies who 1. don’t know what we do, 2. make dumb decisions because see number one, 3. say a lot of nothing, management speak, when you do finally have a conversation and 4. NEVER LISTEN.

Anyway ..

I didn’t mean to go off on a tangent, but that’s what I’m dealing with right now. It’ s a lot. Not as much as the clinics and the hospital staff, but I have my own struggles, too.

I’m close to throwing in the white towel. And I still might if things don’t change. But I also need to be fair and rational about this. There is a lot going on right now, we’ll all stressed out and quite frankly, there is no place for me to go because there is a temporary hiring freeze until we can figure this stuff out. But my supervisor picked up on my frustration and she at least worked it out so that everyone now has to follow up on their own work. No more bashing UAT against the rocks. I’m sure people are not happy about having to finish what they started but seriously …

Wah.

So … all of that say, we’re all going to be working our fingers to the bone for the next few weeks. Hopefully, things start to settle down, iron out, and get better. If not, I guess I’ll be looking to make a lateral move in the precertification department.

Only time will tell.

Movie/TV Reviews

Movie Review: Beyond Borders

Karen

Show of hands – who watches movies anymore?

We gave up on movies a long time ago. When you consistently watch crap movies, back-to-back-to-back, it tends to sour you on the whole industry. Not to mention, Hollywood is so woke now … we can’t stand it anymore.

So having a membership to a streaming service, like Netflix or whatever else is out there now – is out of the question. We probably went about 10 years without watching movies.

But when Kevin started his thrift-booth hobby and was out there hunting for treasure, i.e. merchandise, he started buying DVD’s for dirt cheap – like $.25 cent cheap – and now, as part of our Saturday date night, we pop a DVD in and watch a movie together.

We randomly choose – well – we ask Google to choose a number between 1 – 100 and that’s the movie we watch. There is really no rhyme or reason as to what movies Kevin buys, he either likes the actor, has heard something about it, it looks interesting, etc. … something sparks his interest and he buys it. I can’t say everything he chooses is a winner, (Be Cool for example – don’t waste your time), but it’s been fun to watch a movie now and again.

This past weekend we watched “Beyond Borders” (2003) with Angelina Jolie and Clive Owen. I won’t even insult your intelligence as to why this movie caught his attention.

(Starts w/ A and ends with J)

Here is the trailer:

You know how some movies you see the trailer and it’s the best part of the movie? This is the opposite. The trailer only tells a small portion of the story. It makes it sound like she follows Owen around, trying to keep him out of trouble.

Not true.

Without giving away any spoilers …

The story opens at a charity shin-dig – everyone is dressed to the nines and they are honoring Jolie’s character’s future father-in-law for the work he’s done with this charity he’s involved with, owns, whatever.

Owen crashes the shindig with a half-starved Ethiopian child. (I could be wrong on the nationality). Owen goes on a rampage about how the money from the charity hasn’t made it to their area and 30-some odd people are dying on a daily basis from starvation, disease, etc. The charity is for show and not actually helping the very people it claims to help.

(Sound familiar? *cough-Goodwill-cough*)

Innocent Jolie, who is engaged to be married soon, (or she’s newly married, not sure), is shocked. Owen’s rampage red pills her and suddenly, she finds her conscience. She sees the room full of stuffy, overdressed people for who they really are – fake, money-hungry a-holes.

(For those that don’t know what red pilled means: Red-pilled refers to the idea of becoming aware of a deeper truth about reality, often associated with adopting far-right beliefs or skepticism towards mainstream ideologies. The term originates from the film “The Matrix,” where taking the red pill symbolizes choosing to see the truth rather than remaining in comfortable ignorance.)

Jolie can’t stop thinking about Owen’s claims. She’s been sheltered/pampered her entire life and can it really be possible there are people who are misused and starving across the world?

She decides to donate a large portion of her money to this charity. In addition, she wants to help deliver the gift in person so she can see the state of things for herself.

Also – she doesn’t know it yet, but she would like to see Owen again, too.

She arrives in Africa with the convoy of food, supplies, medicine that she has donated and soon discovers that Owen wasn’t only telling the truth, it’s much worse than she thought it could be. People are literally dying on the road to camps that offer slightly more support than they would get on their own. The level of corruption is off the charts and a lot of what’s donated ends up getting stolen by the government.

So – not only are the charities not donating as much as they claim they are pocketing the money given to them by kind-hearted people, but what makes it to the countries that need this help ends up getting stolen from them so the people who need this help get nothing but meager left overs. Definitely not enough to feed/aid the thousands of people who need it – hence the reason 30 + people die every day.

Sparks fly between Jolie and Owen but Jolie is married – nothing happens between them. But Jolie returns home a new woman and she becomes involved in the UN to try and facilitate help for the people who need it. She saw, with her own eyes, the overwhelming need these desperate people need.

Time marches on and Jolie has a son with her husband. A friend of Owen reaches out to her to beg her help and thinks her UN title will help move things along and they can get the help they need. Jolie agrees and she goes back to yet another war-torn country of starving people to try and help. She meets back up with Owen and sparks fly, but so do the bullets.

Jolie and Owen figure out they have feelings for each other but not only is Jolie married to another man with a child, Owen doesn’t want to put her in harm’s way as his way of life is nothing but danger and desperation.

Everyone he cares about dies.

Jolie is sent back home and resumes life with her husband once more. But she continues to write letters to Owen and worries about his safety.

Jolie’s sister, who is a well-known and connected journalist, gives a message to Jolie – Owen is missing. No one knows where he is or if he’s dead or alive. Jolie makes the decision to look for him and is determined to find out what happened to him and/or bring him home to safety.

And this is where I will have to stop summarizing the story because if I continue, it will contain spoilers.

Now, let’s turn our attention to the story behind the glam and glitz.

My Take

The war-torn countries and starving people brought tears to my eyes. Not only because it’s mind-boggling that humans can destroy other humans so effortlessly, though there’s that aspect of it, but because this stuff really happens. IS STILL HAPPENING.

And yet, we have spoiled brats here in America touting how awful, racist, blahblahblah our country is. How oppressed they are. How America has somehow taken women’s right away … though when pressed, no one can actually list one right that has been taken away. It’s gross and disgusting that we have clueless buffoons here at home saying these things when there are people L.I.T.E.R.A.L.L.Y DYING in impoverished and corrupt countries.

This is the part of the movie that struck me the most. Sure, throw in a love story to “soften” the horrific optics of people dying on the side of the road and becoming food for the animals, but the bottom line, this is a serious ongoing problem that no one talks about and avenues of help are corrupt and ineffective.

Why must humans treat other humans less than? I’ll never understand that mind set. In addition, I think it should be part of our educational curriculum to ship our young people over to countries like Africa to not only offer help but to see and understand that our lives in America? Not so bad.

I think making everyone not only travel outside of the US and help others less fortunate than us but to also step our of our comfort zone by leaving the US will remind everyone how blessed our country truly is. Doing this would foster and cultivate gratitude to our country and Constitution but it would also,, hopefully, teach compassion and empathy for our fellow humans. It’s so easy to preach inequality when you’ve never known a different way of life.

Our young people are so spoiled and it makes me sick. I’m not blaming our young people, per se, they were brought up and taught to think that way, but I suppose the bigger question is, how do we teach people that the world is soooo much bigger than one’s safe little bubble?

What Others Thought

This movie really made me angry. I like Angelina Jolie(a LOT), but this just freaked me out. Although the movie was trying to be critical and objective it was just boring. Oh the drama! Helping poor and sick people is so noble… This movie wasn’t about being an eye-opener, it was something else.

No, this movie most likely made this person uncomfortable because it’s not fun to have reality slap you in the face. The person does go on to say that he/she thought the movie was set up to make Jolie look like a good person, though I disagree with that, it does raise an interesting point – was this the movie that served as the catalyst that prompted Jolie to become more involved with third-world country needs, helping starving children, etc?

Let’s face it – we go to the cinemas to forget our problems and not be reminded of them which is precisely the reason why movies like these don’t make any money but others do. Most movies about injustice and persecution always have the good guys win in the end but this movie doesn’t. In fact, we’re introduced to the startling reality of the lives of volunteer workers and what they have to go through with all their good intentions in place. We are also introduced and/or reminded of the ugly side of humanity as to why certain countries will never be able to have peace because people are just too selfish fighting out their own agendas to spare any thought for another person.

I understand that movies, books, entertainment in general is set up to help us forget every day problems, however, we also need to be reminded that there is a whole world out there beyond our spoiled, entitled bubble. Facts aren’t always pretty, but they should never be ignored.

The filmmakers are highly critical of all those well-off people who merely pay lip service to helping Third World causes but who are really only concerned with salving their own guilty consciences (the film begins at one of those lavish fund raising dinners with everyone dressed to the nines and enjoying a sumptuous banquet while they’re giving one another awards for great humanitarian achievements for helping to eradicate poverty and hunger). Yet, by treating the material as if it were some sort of bourgeois romantic fantasy, the movie makers are, in many ways, doing the very same thing they accuse the elite snobs of doing – which is making misery palatable and easily digestible for the complacent, self-satisfied masses.

True – and a lot of people have criticized the movie for diluting the bigger issue, that there are people out there trapped under the thumb of a corrupt government and are helpless in providing even basic survival needs, however, it’s a start. It’s SOMETHING. It’s better than not showcasing these issues/problems at all. And let’s face it, if the producers hadn’t wrapped up this movie into “palatable and easily digestible” morsels for the masses to consume, no one would consume it all. People nowadays have the attention span of a gnat. And I’m always hopeful that people are not completely brain dead, that there would be enough people out there to see beyond the love overlay and recognize that these problems are horrific and continue to this day.

One last thing: there has also been criticism for Owen’s corruption by the end of the movie. I think this was a natural progression of Owen’s character. For it shows the lengths he went to in order to try and help as many people as he could. He started making deals in order get shipments of food and medicine. And the more he made deals, the more the lines of his good intentions blurred with the ugly darkness of greed and evil so by the end of the movie, Owen’s character was nearly unrecognizable.

My Rating: 8 / 10