Food, Getting into Shape

Alternate Day Fasting: Two-Week Update

Good day, everyone!

As the title suggests, yes, I’m still doing the alternate day fasting. I’m heading into my third week.

I’m currently fasting on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. I have figured out those are the best days for me to fast. I routinely have clinics on Mondays/Wednesdays and I have found that if I’m fasting on one of these days, I lose patience with patients more easily and I’m on my feet all day so I’m burning calories and feel more hungry. In addition, we have a lot of food days and I didn’t want to miss out on those days with my doctor and mid-level.

My feeding days are, Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Again, these days work best for me. Fridays and Saturdays are the days that Kevin and I go out to dinner and again, I didn’t want to miss these “dates.”

I’m only fasting three days of the week because I’ve been reading (I’ve done A LOT of reading up on this topic) that if you fast for too long, your body goes into starvation mode and instead of releasing your fat reserves for energy, it holds on to your fat because it doesn’t know when it’s getting it’s next fuel. I don’t want that to happen because if I’m going to put myself through this, I want to maximize the benefits.

So far, so good. It’s been a struggle, I won’t lie, but mainly with my Ghrelin hormone, i.e., your hunger hormone. This hormone kicks in when your body is used to eating, breakfast, lunch and dinner times. I have to keep busy and drink lots of water when that hormone rears its ugly head. But it’s manageable and not too uncomfortable, more annoying than anything else.

There have been two occasions, around 6 in the evening, where I feel like my stomach starts turning inside out and is eating itself. It’s terribly uncomfortable and borderline painful. When those times occurred, I cried uncle and ate a spoonful of peanut butter which helped calmed it down enough I could handle it. Yes, I broke my fast, but I worked hard to keep my calories under 500 calories during those times. This is not ideal and I felt like I failed when I gave in and ate just a bit, but I honestly couldn’t think of anything else, the feeling was THAT powerful. So, though not ideal, you have to do what is best for your body and at that time, I felt like I needed to do that. However, I’m going to try very hard NOT to let that happen again.

After the second time of this happening, I looked up what I could do to avoid that feeling in the future. The information I’ve found said to eat a lot of protein before your next fasting period. So, this past Wednesday night, I ate dinner, as usual, and then, before I went to bed, I heated up some frozen cauliflower, broccoli and carrots in the microwave and ate that whole bag, (well, nearly all of it) and a can of tuna and when I fasted on Thursday, I felt no hunger pangs, at all. In fact, that day was the most comfortable I’ve felt fasting. It was a breeze.

Yes. My body is getting used to these fasting periods, but I really think eating the vegetables and tuna really helped get me through the 36 hours of fasting. Because that’s what it ends up being, 36 hours of fasting. For example, tomorrow is a fasting day. So, I will eat breakfast, lunch and dinner today, won’t eat anything at all tomorrow and will break my fast at breakfast on Monday. That is roughly 36 hours of not eating anything.

I worried at first that I would want to binge eat on my feeding days after coming off a fast but so far, I haven’t experienced that. Yes, I’m hungry, but not ravenous. And I can feel my stomach has shrunk so when I do eat, I’m not gorging myself. I’m also more focused on making sure I’m eating good foods as opposed to junk food. Yes, I still eat the occasional slice of bread or sugary snack, but I’m not going overboard and quite honestly, I’m not really craving junk food that much; I find that I’m craving more good foods and they are tasting better as well.

I’m so lazy that I didn’t take my body measurements when I started this and I certainly haven’t weighed myself because I stress too much about numbers when I do that, but instead I’m focusing more on how my clothes fit. I have noticed that my scrub tops are fitting looser. I don’t have to tug on them quite as much to give myself breathing room, though they are not hanging off of me I definitely think they are looser.

I think the biggest indicator for me will be when it comes time to do my health screening with work again in the summer, when they take my blood pressure and weigh me. I’m hoping my weight drastically shows a difference, but other than that, I’m not interested in weighing myself.

Speaking of vitals, I have noticed a DRASTIC change in my resting heart rate since fasting. My resting heart rate would typically run in the high 70’s but I’ve been noticing that my Garmin is charting low 60’s now. Granted, I don’t know how accurate my Garmin tracking is, but in the three years I’ve been wearing my Garmin, my resting heart rate has NEVER been that low.

I haven’t noticed any changes in my energy levels so far. I don’t feel like I’m more tired than I was before though I do feel like my mental clarity is a bit better; I don’t feel as sluggish as I used to. And I feel like the quality of sleep I’m getting is a bit better, too, but it’s still early days.

My next plan is to start making it a goal to get 10,000 steps per day. I typically average about 7/8,000 steps on a clinic day so reaching 10,000 on those days won’t be too hard but when I’m not in clinic and sitting all day doing computer work and answering phones, I only get about 4,000 steps. I need to get back in the habit of getting right back on the treadmill when I get off work instead of changing into comfy sweats and sitting down to veg on YouTube videos. Everything I’ve been reading about fasting cautioned you about not really attempting any “hardcore” (not that I’m ever a hardcore fitness geek) exercise program right after fasting but to give yourself a few weeks to adjust to the changes before starting anything outside your normal day-to-day stuff and I feel like I’m ready to incorporate more physical activity now. So I will dust off my treadmill and start walking again.

I also plan on trying Keto coffee to see if that helps suppress my appetite on fasting days. Keto coffee is coffee, coconut oil and butter blended together. I bought coconut oil and butter last night and I just bought a foam frother on Amazon to take to work and use.  I’m excited to see if the Keto coffee hype lives up to the name.

I was talking to my brother-in-law about fasting on Thanksgiving and he let me borrow his “Complete Guide to Fasting” book. I haven’t read it yet, I feel like I’ve gotten so much information about fasting from YouTube, but he says he’s done five-day water fasts before. I don’t think I’ll ever get that hardcore about fasting, but then again, I never though I would be doing what I’m doing now, so you never know.

I also downloaded an app on my phone, it’s called “My Net Diary” just to keep track of what I’m eating on my feeding days. Though I have no intention of counting calories, this has been interesting to see and it does motivate me to keep my calories under my “ideal” calorie intake in order to reach my ideal weight goal. It has become a game, of sorts, to keep my caloric intake within range. I’m hoping this, along with fasting three days a week, will accelerate my weight loss goals.

I’ll check in with you all again in a few months on my fasting journey and let you know how it’s going.

Overall, I’m very happy and excited to fast. I feel better, I will hopefully, eventually, catch sight of my chin again someday and I hope all of the research I’ve read is correct and I’m preventing Alzheimers and extending my life expectancy by fasting.

Getting into Shape

Re-Thinking My Fasting Journey

In case you were not aware, I watch a lot of YouTube videos.

The sort of videos I watch vary: from Drag Queens, Disney vlogs, family vlogs, reading/writing vlogs and anything else that captures my interest.

Like this video:

I’m not an athletic person. I don’t like to participate in sports, though I was a pretty good volleyball player in high school. I tried out for track one year but my heart started a weird flutter thing and it scared me enough to stop that nonsense.

I worked out two years straight in my early 40’s – I got up at 4:30 AM, went to the gym and worked out on the weights and treadmill; I was in the best shape of my life in that time period. But I burned out and have never gone back to the gym since.

I have spurts where I religiously use my treadmill at home, but those spurts only last a few months, again, I get burned out.

I think I’m ready to start one of those spurts again.

But walking … I’ve always enjoyed walking. It’s calming, takes very little effort from me and it leaves me free to focus on my thoughts, think through things, and just fade away from my every day life for a bit.

And I enjoy hiking. Kevin and I have gone to the Rockies a few times and really enjoyed the hiking trails. I would like to go back someday but I want to be in better shape so we can hike longer and more often.

So this video really caught my attention. It was interesting and inspiring and I really respect what these women endured – it’s not for the faint of heart. You have to be willing to be uncomfortable, hungry and physically taxed.

But think of the experience! The feeling of isolation, peace and appreciation for God’s gift to man (the Earth, in case that was unclear).

I wonder, if my life had been a bit different, if I hadn’t met Kevin when I did, hadn’t gotten married, had kids, until later in life, if I would have had the courage to do something like this. I have nieces/nephews who are quite adventurous and have participated in hikes and backpacked across lands, stayed in hostels and just LIVED. And I admire their strength and courage to even try those types of things.

I would like to think I would have done the same thing when I was their age, but I don’t think I would have. I was (am) fiercely independent but I don’t think I had the courage to do something like this. Maybe with friends and only with friends who knew what they were doing. I was very nervous about the unknown back then. I remember being very nervous any time we left the city, like if we left the city, we were venturing into alien country and in that alien country there would be no food, water, Wal-Mart. *laugh* I used to get so wound up and uptight whenever we traveled and I know it wasn’t fun for Kevin to put up with my neuroses.

But quite honestly, since working in the medical field, I’ve lost that nervousness when it comes to people and dealing with the unknown. Because every every day is a new adventure and you never know what patients will throw at you on a given day, I’ve learned to roll with the punches and I’m much more relaxed about things. I know this because the last few trips we’ve made, and there have been hiccups, (translation: it didn’t go exactly as I wanted it to go), I’ve just shrugged and been like, “Okay. But did we die?”

I think this video has pushed me over the edge of my hesitation to get back into shape. I’ve gotten back to the point where I’m winded if I vacuum the house. Yikes. I’ve also been watching videos about intermittent fasting and this video also inspired me to try that again.

I did intermittent daily fasting for about six weeks and I felt great, though I had a lot of heartburn. I’m not sure why that occurred but it was so uncomfortable that I stopped.

But watching the video where the girl intermittently fasted every other day has intrigued me and I think I will try that. Honestly, fasting is not hard for me. I could care less about food as a whole and if it wasn’t for the heart burn, I would have continued the daily fasting routine. (In hindsight, I think my electrolytes were off. I will definitely be more mindful of that this go around).

I think I will try something different this go around. I’m going to try fasting on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, (because those are the most realistic days for my schedule), and try and keep my calories between my TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) and my BMR (basal metabolic rate) number. After using this calculator, I figure I need to keep my calories on eating days around 1800 calories per day and if I am so ravenous on my fasting days, eat about 500 calories to take the edge off, at least in the beginning. It looks like I need to keep my calorie intake around 2100 calories per day once I start walking again, and 2400 calories when I fully get back into my walking routine.

But then again, after doing a bit of research about intermittent fasting, is counting calories really the best way to go?

So .. maybe counting calories isn’t the way to go. I tell you what, I’m going to start this process and just wing it because I have no idea at this point what will and won’t work for me. But I’m ready to try and figure it out.

Of course, this is the absolute worst time to start something like this, right before the holidays and all the holiday goodies, so I need to stay realistic and allow myself to cheat here and there because if I don’t, then I’ll obsess about it and be more likely to stop all together.

Now I need to download a calorie counter app – there are only a MILLION of them. I want something that all I have to do is plug in the food and it automatically calculates the number. I don’t want to think about it too much, I just want to know.

I also need to take pictures to document my progress and no, I won’t be posting them, don’t even think about it. *laughs*

I’m not fat, per se, but my BMI is considered obese. (Though to be perfectly fair, I feel like the BMI standards are a bit unrealistic nowadays but maybe that’s just me trying to justify my BMI).

I’m tired of feeling puffy. I’m tired of looking puffy in pictures. It’s time to take control of my body and I can certainly make better choices about what I put in my mouth. (*insert dirty joke here*)

I hope this post inspires you in some way. If you want to look and feel good, the only person who can make that happen is YOU.

Time to practice what I preach – starting next week – because let’s be real – Thursday is Thanksgiving!

Camp NaNoWriMo, Politics

Being a Dangerous Person

Does it alarm anyone else that we are constantly being berated and punished because we dare to express our opinions? And if those opinions do not fall in line with the overall progressive agenda we have today then people lose their ever-loving minds?

I’ll be honest. I want to be more open and honest with my opinions both here on this blog and in our podcast but I’m hesitant. Are people going to find our house and set fire to it? Are people going to find my husband’s business and ruin it? Will our lives be disrupted like this woman’s life in the video above?

What’s the end game here? So they can punish me for thinking differently than they do?

Get a grip.

Kevin is pretty nervous about this podcast. I want to delve into politics and religion if nothing else than to let people know where I stand on those issues. (Though it’s pretty obvious if you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time). I would also like to challenge people to think for themselves. People may be too scared to openly admit their thoughts but at least they are THINKING for themselves.

That’s a big reason I think the polls that come out about presidential candidates and controversial issues are so far off the mark. Because people tell these pollsters what they want to hear but when it comes to the anonymity of voting, they vote what they really feel because they don’t have to fear anyone destroying their lives because they dare to think outside the mob mentality.

It’s a scary new world we live in when feel we have to be fearful of voicing our opinions.

And you know the kicker? These radical babies who are triggered by independent thought and throw tantrums because we don’t play by their rules are still the minority. (Let’s pray they stay in the minority).

So I think the bigger question is – WHY ARE ALLOWING THESE RADICAL CRY BABIES SO MUCH POWER?

I think it’s time for the mature, level-headed, logical thinking GROWN UPS to put their foots down and nip this madness in the bud.

And it all starts with standing up and speaking our minds.

It’s time to be a “dangerous person.”

 

 

Camp NaNoWriMo, Relationships

10,585 Days Together, but Who’s Counting

Kevin and I celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary in May.

us6

We didn’t do anything spectacular, we went out to dinner at Outback.

We’ve actually been together for longer than 10,585 days – we were together two years before getting married.

We were one of those couples that traditionalist turned their noses up at – we lived together for two years before getting married.

I don’t know, it just felt right at the time. You don’t truly know someone until you live with them. You can only be on your best behavior for so long when you live with someone and until the facade wears thing.

I figured, if Kevin could put with me at my worst, then we should be okay.

(Side note: I will encourage our boys to live with their future spouses, too. But put a timer on it – if something is not happening, or it’s not working out after a year, go your separate ways. No sense in wasting years with someone who doesn’t want to commit, you know?)

I will be the first to admit, I have not been the easiest person to be married to. I had sort of a mid-thirties crisis where I was just a bitch to be around. No sense in sugar coating it, it’s the truth. I don’t know, I was trying to find myself, I guess. I was a wife, a mother … I lost Karen in there somewhere. It didn’t help that Kevin tried to make me into something he wanted, or thought he wanted. He thought I should have been more like his mom, which I suppose is pretty typical for men. I wonder if our boys will try and find someone like me.

Gah, I hope not.

My brother told me once that his wife reminded him a lot of me. I guess I’m just that awesome. ha!

At any rate, I don’t know why Kevin stuck around, but I’m so glad he did. Our relationship was really tested about seven years into our marriage. A seven-year itch, I suppose. We almost split up and probably should have seen a marriage counselor but I’m going to be honest here, (actually, when am I not), the thought of spilling our guts to a third party who may, or may not, have our best interests at heart did not appeal to me AT ALL. I figured, we were two intelligent adults, surely we could work this out. It was hard, and there was a lot of very truthful, uncomfortable, conversations, but we muddled through and we’re stronger for it now.

Marriage is tough. You have to be willing to take a good, long, hard look at yourself and be willing to admit when you’re wrong and when you can do better.

And then do better.

Believe it or not, reading Dr. Laura’s “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” really, REALLY helped me. It taught me to think outside myself. I’m a sympathetic/empathetic person, but since we’re keeping it real here, I’m a selfish person, too. I don’t like sharing my time. When I want to do something, I expect you to want to do the same thing RIGHT THEN. And I have a problem giving in and doing something when someone wants to do something that I don’t.

I still struggle with that. For example: Kevin knows to not rush me. He just goes off and does something else and patiently waits for me to be ready to go wherever we’re going. But when I’m ready to go, I’m READY TO GO and get quite impatient with Kevin when he doesn’t drop what he’s doing to be ready when I’m ready.

I realize this is a selfish attitude and I’m working on it. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until Kevin pointed it out to me. (You have to learn to take criticism – YOU MUST LEARN).

This book taught me to respect Kevin, our relationship and myself by making sacrifices. This is an especially hard concept nowadays because we live in a “me” and “instant gratification” society, but if you want a relationship to work, you have to be willing to compromise and sacrifice. Period.

Another thing that helped me see our relationship in a new light was the different love languages. This book taught me about how people perceive love, or more specifically, how Kevin and I perceived love. Love is about so much more than just saying the words I love you. The five love languages are:

  1. Quality time
  2. Words of Affirmation
  3. Acts of Service
  4. Receiving gifts
  5. Physical touch

For me, I feel most loved with acts of service. I truly know Kevin loves me because he is always so willing to drop what he’s doing and help me with something. My computer poops out, he comes over to fix it. Something goes wrong with the house, that is his number one project. He makes sure our lawn is mowed. That we are financially comfortable. He makes life easier for me. Because if life is easier, then I’m happier, and as a result, he’s happier.

I feel like Kevin’s love language is quality time. He likes doing things together – taking pictures, going for walks/bike rides, going on vacations together. But remember my problem with being selfish with my time? Yeah, that is something I’ve had to, and continue to, work on. Physical touch is another one of his love languages though I feel like that is a given for men. ha! But honestly, that is another area of marriage that takes a lot of work, compromise and understanding. TRUST ME.

Another thing that I did that helped me with our marriage was the Love Dare.

This “dare” fascinated me so much that I actually participated in the love dare and documented the whole process. I, yet again, faced a lot of ugly truths about myself doing this challenge, but I learned so much about myself, and our relationship, in the process that it was, well the humble medicine I was forced to swallow.

Is our marriage perfect? Of course not. No marriage is perfect because the participants aren’t perfect. But making an effort to learn more about how to make a relationship work did nothing but help us in the long run.

We are planning a cruise to the Mediterranean for our 30th wedding anniversary next year. Thirty years sounds like a big number and though it does feel like we’re always been married, it definitely doesn’t feel like it’s been nearly 30 years. In a lot of ways, I feel like our marriage is just getting started.

Here’s to another 30 years of adventures!

Post Thirteen
Camp NaNoWriMo, In the News

Daring to Read the News

Do ya’ll watch/read the news?

When I was a stay-at-home mom / working from home mom, I would listen to the conservative talk radio shows every day. I also used to look/read Drudge every day.

Though I felt informed, I was miserable. Because the news is depressing, ya’ll. I guess it has to be. Who wants to read about cute puppy antics, rainbows and unicorns? That’s not exciting. It’s not something that gets people worked up, it’s not a money maker.  I get it, but damn.

When I started my job at the hospital, I neither had the time, nor the inclination, to keep track of the news. Putting some distance between me and the ugly that exists outside my four walls was actually healthy for me. I believe one should be informed but know when to step back and take a breath.

Moderation is key.

It is important to keep on top of what is happening in our world. Too many uninformed / uninterested people already exist and as a result, we have ended up with a society like we have now. However, I have found that if you read the news maybe three times a week, you’re as informed as you’re going to be. Because if you notice, the news recycles itself every day. You can listen to one radio show host and he will talk about the same topics for DAYS, ad nauseam. Dude. I got it the first time you talked about it. Let’s stick to the facts and give me a minute to make up my own damn mind, mmkay?

We don’t watch TV. Not in the traditional sense. We’ve had cable, satellite, Netflix but got rid of them when prices started going up. I’m all for entertainment but not when it costs me a 1/4 of my paycheck.

I will admit, getting rid of NetFlix was hard: I haven’t watched a movie in … six months? I’m completely out of the movie loop. But the primary reason we did it was because it’s just a time suck. Too many movies and too little time. And honestly? I often ended up feeling disappointed when I finished a movie anyway so why would I spend my time and money on something that I don’t ultimately enjoy?

Now I read books and watch WAY too much YouTube videos. I’m currently hooked this, this and this channel. (Notice a patter here? Also, this girl is WICKED creative).

I may have to ban myself from YouTube. I’ve already banned myself from Facebook. (Yep, I deactivated my account. Another time suck. Haven’t missed it – at all).

I’ve trimmed the time suck fat from my day in an attempt to write on this blog more, build our podcast, write short stories and maybe even a novel to two. I’m slowly retraining my brain to focus on more brain-friendly activities.

With all of that being said, I do try and dip a toe into real-world events now and again which leads me to the point of this blog post.

News. Here are a few of the headlines that caught my attention today.

Europe’s biggest sex festival

Um. wow. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. To promote an event that solely exists to provide an atmosphere where depraved people can go and have orgies with whomever and whatever they want is a page ripped straight from Sodom and Gomorrah. Not to sound too Christian-y, but God have mercy on their souls. Nothing like wallowing in sin to be trendy and disgusting. But hey, it’s not called free will for nothing. Good luck explaining that behavior at the judgement.

Starbucks customer ‘did not feel safe’ with officers around

Some police officers in Tempe, Ariz., say they were asked to leave a Starbucks coffee shop on the Fourth of July because a customer complained they “did not feel safe” with the cops present, according to reports.

Five officers were drinking coffee at the Starbucks location prior to their shift beginning when a barista asked them to move out of the complaining customer’s line of sight or else leave, the Tempe Officers Association wrote in a series of Twitter messages.

You know Starbucks, for a company that prides itself on “inclusion” you’re doing a rather smashing job of excluding a large demographic here. I, for one, love your coffees but won’t buy coffee  because your prices are way, WAY too high for a cup of coffee. In addition, I’m really not inclined to buy anything from you because you continue to support and condone behavior that is directly counter intuitive to what is decent and right.

Why are people so hell bent on making the police the bad guys and yet the bad guys are given free reign to act like asses and/or break the law? Why is the media trying so hard to defend people, or groups, that continually work to break laws that are in place to PROTECT society at large? It seems so ass backwards to me. So, let’s continue to demonize the very people who swear to protect us. Yeah, that makes complete sense.

Let me ask you this – if the police go away. Then what? What happens if something bad happens and you need help? Who are you going to call then? If we didn’t have laws and society rules, our world would turn into Mad Max. Have you seen that movie? People are animals. Because it’s human nature to try and get something for nothing and some people do not possess the self-control gene.

Do you really want to live in a society without a police force? Well, keep demonizing them, it might happen.

Walmart bans woman who ate half a cake in store — and then refused pay full price

Here’s proof that people have lost their every-loving minds. (I think this one might end up a short story).

In case you’re too stupid to realize this, grocery stores are where you go to replenish your stock, to BUY things you need for your home. It is NOT a place specifically designed for you to go and eat for free. The wares you see placed neatly around the store? Was not placed specifically for you. I know, I know, this may come as a shock to you but take a breath and consider, for just a moment, that a company that builds a store and then offers things for people to buy did not specifically offer this service so that you could go, at your leisure, and start eating whatever you feel like eating, you dumb ass. Get over yourself.

For the love of God, what is wrong with people.

Okay. I need to walk away.

Now I remember why I stopped reading the news.

People are stupid, self absorbed and evil.

Post Twelve
At the Moment, Camp NaNoWriMo, Politics

Stop Playing Victim and Start Being Victor!

Wow. I have a girl crush on Candace Owens. This girl is ‘DA BOMB!

This conversation perfectly, PERFECTLY, defines what is wrong with our country.

It’s long, but well worth the watch. I dare you to take time out of your day to watch this.

Also, I spent 38 minutes watching this video:

FASCINATING conversation. And there is so much wisdom from the black conservatives in this round table. To be fair, I see what the liberal guy was saying but it comes around to being the victim, not the victor. And if you watch the faces of the liberal guests you can SEE the confusion.  They truly don’t know how to respond when faced with thoughtful, intelligent counterpoints.

I think this is indicative of America today. No one wants to think for themselves. It’s all about regurgitating talking points. I don’t think they even knew what they were saying, or arguing, half the time.

It’s time to stop being sheeple and start thinking for yourselves, people. Stop allowing the media to spoon feed you crap. Stop. Think. Digest.

I’m feeling hopeful after watching these videos. That’s how it starts, with thoughtful, intelligent conversation.

Post Eleven
Camp NaNoWriMo, Dear Diary

Dear Diary – Ten Years from Now

7-6-2029

Dear Diary,

Retirement is close. I can see it but I can’t touch it yet. It’s within grasp, but just out of reach. I can’t believe I’ve been a medical assistant for nearly 20 years. Where has the time gone? I never thought, in a million years, I would 1. be working in healthcare and 2. STILL working in healthcare. But I’m old, it’s too late to start looking for another job now. My doctor is getting close to retiring, too. He’s about seven years younger than me but surgery is hard on the body and I can see it’s taking a toll on him. He can’t last much longer. It’s hard to believe that our physician assistant is still with us as well. She’s so smart and beautiful I’m sure she could have made way more money with another doctor/hospital/specialty but my doctor and PA have a special relationship and they have worked together for so long I guess she figured it was easier to just stick with what you know.

I know the feeling.

There are times I miss our old nurses. We’re on our third nurse now in the past ten years. Babies grow up, opportunities present themselves and our nurses have gone on to greener pastures: it’s just me, Dr. So-and-So and our PA.

The three amigos. The clinic has gone through so many people over the past ten years I’ve truly lost count. I’m one of two left standing from the original crew. I’m either stupid or loyal, I haven’t decided which yet.

I’ve written so many stories and even submitted a few but have only received rejections. I suppose I shouldn’t give up but it’s hard to keep going when I feel like I’m the only one who likes what I write. I suppose I can really hit it hard when I actually retire.

Kevin wants me to retire in two years but I’m thinking it will be closer to five or six. I feel like retirement will be like my years when I was a stay-at-home mom and though I don’t regret staying home with the boys when they were little, I was bored out of my mind. Will retirement be like that? Other than reading and writing, what else is there to do? Kevin would respond with, “You could always do housework,” which my retort will be, and always has been “haha, I’m not your mom, when are you going to realize that?”

I think I could have rocked being a nurse. No. I don’t think, I KNOW. I’m a great multi-tasker and think quick on my feet. I toyed with the idea, briefly, in 2019, but I had zero interest in going to school, studying and of course, going into debt to pay for school. Not to mention ….. PEOPLE. They just exhaust me. At least, they used to, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I can’t be everything to all people. All I can do is my best and I know, in my heart, that I give 150%  and that’s all I can give. You can’t please everyone so why not just be true to yourself? At the end of the day, does it really matter? In the grand scheme of things, Earth continues to rotate, the sun will set and the moon will rise and a new day will begin regardless of how crappy the day before might have been. I’m glad I didn’t listen to the people who were trying to talk me into going into nursing, I just don’t think it would have been a good fit. I’m empathetic but only to a point, the bottom line is, I just don’t have enough patience to deal with …. PEOPLE.

I would have rocked it though. You and I both know it.

Kevin is nearly 70. I can’t believe how OLD we are. It sounds old, and there are certainly days we feel old, but in a lot of ways, we are still those 30-something people who were just starting out with life juggling careers and young boys. I don’t feel my age in my mind but unfortunately, my body does feel my age. I know I have a good 25 (plus?) years left but I do find myself thinking about death more and more. I pray that Kevin and I both go at the same time and in our sleep. I would hope for something quiet and painless. I want to go together because honestly, I can’t imagine my life without Kevin. We’ve been married nearly 40  years – I can’t even remember my life before him. I certainly don’t want to think about my life after him.

I do find myself thinking about what will happen in our second life, when Christ comes back for us and raises us from the dead to inherit paradise on Earth. Will we know one another? Or will we be two strangers assigned different rewards and lives? Not knowing each other, or not knowing our children and extended family really makes me sad. I try not to think about it too much as I trust God and I’m sure it will be great, but I would be lying if the thought didn’t bother me.

A lot.

Blake is 37 and Brandon is 35. Blake is still not married but he’s dated a few quiet girls here and there. It used to bother me that he might not ever get married but I would rather he be alone and happy than be saddled with a woman who isn’t nice to him and miserable. Brandon is doing well. I’m really fond of my daughter-in-law, thank God, and their little girls are the apple of mine and Kevin’s eye. I love seeing them with Kevin, he just dotes on them. I always wondered what kind of dad he would have been if we had had a girl. He’s been an amazing dad to our sons and he’s a pretty great grandpa.

Blake is a manager of a retail store. He has really stepped up to the bat and proven his organizational skills. People respect him because he’s a man of few words and that keeps people guessing about him.

Brandon is a game developer and lives in Belgium Brussels. It really bothered me at first, him living so far away with the grandbabies, but it gives us an excuse to fly over and see him and his family and honestly, Belgium is a really cool place.

Roy still lives across the street from us. His dog Misty died and he now has another Shih tzu who is a bit more spirited than Misty was but seems to adore Roy. His tremors are worse now and we think he might have Parkinson’s. He hasn’t been formally diagnosed but he sees a neurologist in a few months so we’ll see.

Kevin finally broke down and bought a new(er) truck. His old truck finally bit the dust about six years ago and he has another Ford 150 that he’s driving around. He and Roy still go around to estate/garage sales and collect things but they don’t do it as often as they used to. Kevin sold his Genesis. It was a great car but he never drove it, so he sold it to make room in the garage for more thrift items to put in his booth and to make himself another workshop as he continues the challenge of fixing things up.

I bought my dream car, a Fiat Spider, black. It’s completely impractical but so much fun to drive! Not to mention, I look GOOD driving it. ha!

No plans to sell the houses. I mean, why? It’s just the two of us, we certainly don’t need anything bigger though I’m not going to lie, we do talk about maybe selling at times to maybe buy something smaller and using the excess money to put into investments or to add to our retirement accounts. We always wanted a brick home and I’ve always thought it would be nice to have a basement, but I’ve gone this long without one, I don’t suppose I need one now.

Our parents are doing well. Kevin’s mom is still with us though she’s slowed down considerably, she’s living with Kevin’s oldest sister. Kevin’s dad passed away about five years ago. Mom and dad are still going strong though I feel like dad is looking more frail but goodness, he’s over 80 now. I try and go over and look after them as much as I can.

Who knows how life will look in another ten years. I try not to think about my own mortality too much. I really don’t know why it bothers me so much, maybe I feel like I haven’t exhausted life yet.  Whatever life throws at me, I pray I have my mind, my body and am not a burden on my loved ones.

Post Six
Through My Eyes

Wishing I was More of a Fashionista

Here is another obsession of mine lately:

Watching fashion shows on YouTube.

And I’ll be honest, most of the fashions I see I wouldn’t be caught dead in, but there are quire a few pieces in this show that I would actually wear… if I lived on an exotic island and had nothing better to do but attend cocktail parties and exchange fantasies about the hot pool boy.

However, I’m any BUT a fashionista.

I’m comfy in my over-sized t-shirts and swing dresses, thank you very much.

But still, I like to dream. And I not only like to watch fashion shows in YouTube to see what new and ridiculous fashions are being showcased now, but the zombie-like expressions on the models who wear these ridiculous concoctions.

I find that “fashion” becomes more difficult as you get older. I want to wear the hot trendy stuff but let us not forget that I’m old(er) and some of this stuff just looks crazy on me. I LOOK like a woman who is trying too hard.

But in my mind, I’m still mid-30’s so it doesn’t FEEL weird. Just LOOKS odd.

I haven’t given up. I’m still “trying” to find my look but the rate I’m going, I will be 90 before I really find it.

In the meantime, I’m going to live my fashion life through these poor, uncomfortable looking models.

Politics

Celebrities Don’t Care About You – It’s All About Agenda

It always astounds me the number of people who take what celebrities say, or their opinions, as gospel truth. I can guarantee these people could care less about you. It’s about THEIR own agenda or who pays top dollar for them share their opinion.

Let’s get a little perspective, shall we? I PROMISE your brain will not implode if you dare to use it. Ask questions, think it through. Just because someone tells you how to think does not mean you HAVE TO THINK THAT WAY.

This goes for anyone, not just celebrities. Family members, co-workers, even your significant other.

Be smart. Think with your head, not your heart.

It’s called reality.

It’s not always fun, but it’s REAL.