Update: 10:07 p.m.: We watched Journey to the Center of the Earth. As predicted, it was pretty lame. We just finished watching Hancock and all I will say is, “Will Smith is freaking hot!”
We’re taking a short break and then we’ll watch the grand finale – The Dark Knight. The boys are really looking forward to watching that one. I plan on taking a break and taping a short video around midnight and then if I’m awake after the movie, I’ll write a short note about any resolutions I might, or might not, make. Stay tuned 😀
Update 2: 12:56 a.m.: We finished The Dark Knight and it was … dark. I think the boys really enjoyed it. The husband snoozed through most of it. Heath Ledger did not disappoint and it makes me even more sad that he’s not around to enjoy his success.
No video. I’m just too tuckered out to push the play button and then upload the sucker. But I’m sure you’re not all that disappointed anyway. *grin*
My number one resolution this year? To get my writing published. I’m ready. I will BE ready. This will be an exciting year for me, professionally.
Thank you for sticking around. I look forward to spending 2009 with you!
New Year’s Eve. Another year gone. Another year on the horizon. Life is full of unexpected joys and tragedies. Blahblahblah …
I won’t bore you with yet another post about another year ending. I’m not trying to trivialize time or memories here, I’m simply not the type of person who dwells on the past. What’s done is done. I tend to look more toward the future – in fact, too much so. I am usually so focused on the future that I forget the past.
And that’s not necessarily a good thing. Hence, this blog. 🙂
Though I have no intentions of writing a deep, meaningful post (as if I’m capable of that anyway) about how it’s so important to savor every waking moment we have on this Earth (and it truly IS important), I would like to share what’s uppermost on my mind: my body and how it’s aging.
How narcissistic of me, I know. But really, when your body betrays you and you have pain, pain that you can never quite get rid of no matter what you do, no matter how much medication you take (which I don’t, normally), or what position you try, it’s hard to think of anything else. It’s so hard to distract yourself, or fool yourself, into thinking or doing anything else.
Like right now. I’m sitting here and I’m semi-comfortable. It hurts less if I sit. But the pain is there, just beyond my reach and occasionally, a ripple travels down my back and pools into the base of my spine and I not only see stars, I see their moons, too. And my head feels like it’s floating just above my shoulders, like a balloon bobbing above a distracted toddler who barely has a hold of the string.
But then it passes and my vision clears and I’m granted a slight physical reprieve until the next ripple rips through me.
I’m an old woman. Oh wait, that’s already been established. But I’m FEELING like an old woman today. I’m hobbling. I’m unable to walk upright. And I’m spontaneously jerking in response to my body trying to tell me to get off my feet and rest.
*snort* As if THAT was going to happen.
Down, but Not Out It’s embarrassing. And it disturbs me when I see the look of concern cross my children’s faces when they see mom acting like she just got electrified every few steps. But I’m not stopping. I don’t stop for anyone or anything and that includes a little (okay, a lot) physical discomfort. For those just joining us, my back has betrayed me.
It does this periodically though I like to fool myself into thinking I have this aging body under control, alas, it occasionally rebels against me. It’s rebelling now and I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I let it get me down – literally.
However, I AM so very, very, thankful that I work at home and can grit my teeth and swallow my humiliation in private as opposed to working outside the home. I’m so very, very thankful that I have a husband who supports what I do and is okay with me staying home and doing it. Enduring this physical discomfort is hell out in public.
And I know this. Because I’ve endured this when I did work outside the home. Because when my back went out, I didn’t call into work sick. I didn’t take the time to feel sorry for myself. I simply ignored it and went about my business and waited until I got home to collapse into a painful coma.
Ah, memories.
I’m very stubborn, if you haven’t picked up on that by now. *grin* I’m a pretty easy-going, fair-minded individual when it comes to my family and the people around me. I even have (some) sympathy for the pain of others. But when it comes to me, to my own body, I have no patience for my own weakness. In fact, it just disgusts me. I have no idea why I’m like this, but like this I am.
I was craving Krispy Kreme donuts this morning. I was craving them so badly that my mouth actually watered thinking about them. (Like now, for instance). But I hadn’t taken a shower yet so I thought, “I’ll take a shower and then make a donut run.”
Until I stripped off all of my clothes and looked at myself in the mirror.
Now we all know when it comes to looking at ourselves naked there’s the glance and then there’s the look. Most days, I’m distracted, thinking about my day, thinking about what I need to do next, what’s for dinner, yaddayaddayadda and when I strip down I glance at my body, not really seeing it.
But then, like today, there are days when I’m forced to pay attention to my body and I really take a gander at this lump of flesh I like to call home.
I am not fat. I am not skinny. I’m … gropeable, if that’s even a word. My husband has a little something to hang onto, let’s put it that way. When I sit, I have a roll. In fact, I’m a perfect pear shape when I sit down. My torso stays intact, the bottom half of my body sort of spreads out and pools, like a teaspoon of oil on a hot skillet.
It’s not exactly nasty, but I won’t be modeling for Victoria’s Secret anytime soon.
I’ve always been a bit bottom heavy – genetics. I can get my torso in pretty good shape with minimal effort, but my hips and abdomen take A LOT more work. And even then, it’s never really “in shape.”
It took me years, and countless hours of working out and tubs full of sweat to finally figure out this is just how I’m built. I can tone, I can improve, but I can not change what I am.
I stood there, critically giving my body the once over and tried to look past society’s definition of beauty and find my own beauty; the beauty that is uniquely my own.
For example, the weird/cute/strange bump on my tailbone. A bump that probably shouldn’t be there but has been there ever since I fell off a six-foot ladder and landed squarely on my back.
Or how about the fingers of bleached out, stretched out skin that curl and embrace either hip or the sagging, wrinkled skin just under my belly button, or the dimples in my arse, just under the roundness of my buttocks – all battle scar reminders of bearing two children.
Or the curious little pouch of skin just above the area where my pubic bone meets my thigh bones and has just appeared in the past few years.
As I stood in front of the mirror this morning and analyzed every possible angle, I concluded that my body is … rather nice even with all of my flaws. It’s average. It’s been a good home to me over the years. Sure, there have been times it’s broken down (like now) or needed a tune up (like after I had children), but overall, it’s been good to me.
It’s disease free. It houses healthy organs. It cradles a strong heart. It safely gets me through each day. So what that it gives me the occasional ache and pain – when compared to so many people who are in serious physical trouble, what I’m feeling is inconsequential. The least I can do is grin and bear it.
The thought of so many people who have SERIOUS problems with their bodies, the thought of these poor people is what gets me through these uncomfortable days. So I have sinus problems, so I have back problems, so my digestive system is flawed, so what? At least I don’t have AIDS. Or cancer. At least I can see, hear and touch my loved ones. At least I have organs that function and never fail me.
And that’s the sorts of things I think about at the beginning of a new year. The fact that I have my health and that though my body is imperfect and occasionally gives me problems? I thank God for my health and I thank God for the health of my family.
The new year will begin. I will get over this back pain. And life will go on.
We checked out a few stores today, but no go. So, they may end up ordering one online. Personally? I’m thrilled. The fact that they are ready to step out of their comfort zone pleases me.
Let’s just not go overboard. Some of the things on this site are pretty wacked out. But I’m old, remember?
Or better yet, don’t watch me grow old. Because I’m going to fight this process with every fiber of my being.
Hi! I’m 43-years old. *cheerfully waves* At least, that’s what “they” claim.
According to my birth certificate, I was born in 1965. Nineteen Sixty-Five. That sounds so ancient, especially since we’re in the 2,000’s now.
Though I’m on record as having been born in 1965, that I am currently 43 years old, I don’t mentally FEEL that old. I mentally FEEL about 25 years old.
Someone check my records; there must be some mistake.
When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a 43-year old woman. I see a woman who might possibly pass for 35.
And it’s not just me, heck, I still get carded when I buy wine for my husband. (Granted Wal-Mart associates are now required to card anyone who looks to be younger than 30 but whatever, I can still pretend they think I’m not quite 21).
There is something infinitely disturbing about growing old. Getting old happens to other people, it doesn’t happen to me. In my mind, the years are passing but somehow time is standing still for me. The numbers add up but the mental image of yourself does not.
At least, it doesn’t for me.
My children are growing, they are getting older. And that’s thrilling to me. I’m watching them develop into incredible people. But that’s only affecting them, it’s not affecting me. I’m still the naive, inexperienced 26-year old who didn’t recognize that her water broke and refused to go to the hospital until the last possible moment because her baby wasn’t due to be born for another eight weeks.
I try and tell myself being 40-something is not old. It’s a state of mind. It’s just a number.
It’s a high number.
Is my life half over?
What a sobering thought.
However, my age seems to be knocking on my physical door demanding to be let in or at the very least, to be taken seriously. It seems like, in just the last few months, I’ve begun noticing more aches and pains – nothing serious, but serious enough to get my attention.
I’ve always been very healthy. I’ve always pushed myself to my physical limits and bounced back the next day. Now I’m lucky if I bounce back within the week. It’s taking me longer to recuperate from vigorous workouts – much longer. I’m sore for more days and I’m so, so, so tired the next day. Which is normal anyway, especially when you start working out again, but I’ve been consistently working out and I’m still so, so, so tired.
I feel heavy, and not just the fat kind of heavy but my muscles and bones just feel heavy. Sometimes it feels like I’m walking through water, everything just feels sluggish. I’m quite confident it’s not due to a medical condition – again, I’m pretty healthy, I come from very healthy stock, and the changes I feel are subtle, but they’re there. I recognize them because I’ve always been so tuned into my physical condition.
I can usually ignore the aches and pains – I believe I have a pretty high pain threshold. If I didn’t, I’d probably be making regular visits to the doctor because quite honestly, I’m physically uncomfortable the majority of my time now.
But it doesn’t REALLY hit home until my back starts giving me problems.
I’ll be honest, one of the biggest reasons I walk is to keep my back from going out. (And here you thought I was a workout fiend. HA!) It’s when I’m an inactive slug that my back starts the tell-tale twitches and before long, I’m flat on my back and/or hobbling around like an old woman. Walking keeps my back loose and limber. After I discovered that little secret, I’ve been successful at warding off back attacks. Thank the dear Lord above.
So when my back started feeling twitchy a few days ago, I was surprised. I had been walking. I had been stretching. It had been months since my last back episode. What was the dealio, Holmes?
The only thing I can think of to explain my current back problem is that I did a lot of bending and twisting when I took the Christmas tree down. Seriously. My back is tender and sore because of that?!
Apparently.
This realization just disgusts the crap out of me. Am I so weak that I can’t even bend over and perform a simple task without my body betraying me? That’s what happens to OLD people – not to me, damn it!
I’m NOT old. I refuse to GROW old.
I know this is a natural process. I realize that it’s quite normal for my body to age, to break down, to deteriorate. But I’m not ready for that to happen yet. And I refuse to go to the doctor and get drugs because that’s what OLD people do.
At least, that’s what I will continue to tell myself until I honestly do not have a choice in the matter.
I dropped my nephews back off at their dad’s. They came over on Christmas day and stayed a few nights with us. I think we’re still recovering (from sleep deprivation).
My boys and my sister’s boys are best friends. They all get along beautifully and my nephews never give me a moment’s trouble. They are always so quiet and respectful and they are a joy to have around.
They spent the majority of their time playing new video/computer games, but they did abandon the games for a few hours on Saturday to hang outside (it was 60 degrees that day and a perfect “hang” day).
They walked up to the firehouse and goofed off … well here, GD took our video camera and taped their antics. My husband then edited it in our video software, (the effect is some sort of sphere effect), put some music to it and you can watch the video if you’d like:
I know, crazy right? But they are ALL about being random. They spend HOURS watching crazy videos on YouTube and enjoy the random/nutty videos the most. I think they had that in mind when they made this video. You can’t get more random than this video. 😀
They had fun though and it’s given me ammunition to use against them for future holidays so what more could a mom ask for? Bwhahaha.
***4***
The tree is gone.
The kids aren’t that happy about it.
None of us like taking decorations down. It’s like we’re boxing up our joy for another year. Reality knocked on our door and we had no choice but to let it back in.
*sigh* It’s a bit depressing, isn’t it. (But I’m relieved to have things back to normal).
***3***
Since we didn’t have a chance to spend time with my husband’s folks on Christmas day, they invited us out to lunch over the weekend. We ate at some Mexican restaurant and it was easily one of the worst meals I’ve ever eaten.
I originally ordered a combination plate – some sort of pepper … thing, and a chalupa. What I got was some sort of pepper … thing and a tostada.
The pepper thing was a large chili pepper wrapped in a corn tortilla shell and smothered in cheese. Sounds good, right? Well, it was, sort of, but it was so spicy that after two bites I had to give it up. It felt like someone had dumped in a shovelful of embers into my mouth; I couldn’t get away from the burning sensation for hours after that.
The rest of my plate was covered in refried beans – I can’t eat beans. I’d go into details about what happens when I eat beans, but I’ll spare you the gory details.
You’re welcome.
Suffice it to say, I left the restaurant more hungry than when I went in. I hate when that happens. (I could have said something to our server, but honestly, I wasn’t sure if I had ordered the right thing to begin with and I LOATHE causing waves so I just smiled and acted like I wasn’t hungry).
But it was nice to see my in-laws (because believe it or not, I like my in-laws) and I know my husband enjoyed chatting with his father so the bad meal? Was worth the time and effort. 🙂
I realized, after I read the book, that I already had a print copy of the book in my bookshelf.
*SIGH* I-am-such-a-dork.
That’s a sign that you have too many books and don’t keep very good track of your inventory. In fact, I think this is like the 200th time I’ve done that: ordered a book that I already have.
SO, I’ll probably be giving my print copy of Get a Clue away very soon. Stay tuned for that.
Overall? I like my Kindle. It took a little getting used to at first – the next/previous page buttons are HUGE and though conveniently located they are often easy to hit by accident. But after you get used to handling it, it really didn’t bug me overly much.
I’m very pleased with the screen/typeface. It’s extremely easy on the eyes (it’s just like reading a newspaper) and I enlarged the font so I was able to comfortably read for an extended period of time.
I browsed the Kindle store on Amazon last night and downloaded three more books – all for free!! Of course, there may be a reason why they’re free, but we’ll see. It’s SO COOL to click a button on your computer and then wait for the book to download to the Kindle – it takes less than a minute. Very impressive! I’m going to have a blast with this thing and now I will always have some reading material with me.
The Kindle is no larger than a paperback book which means I should have room to carry it in my purse.
After I buy a bigger purse.
Because I also bought a case for my new Canon PowerShot A590 IS camera which I plan on carrying around with me, too.
It never ends, does it.
***1***
I just found out that my husband won the office football pot/thing/contest, whatever it’s called.
Actually, he tied with another gal so they had to split the winnings. Hey! I’ll gladly accept that $90 bucks, thank you very much. (Which we’ll probably put into savings because my husband – who is an accountant and tight-fisted but that’s okay because we’re in good financial shape because of him – doesn’t know what else to do with money in his pocket).
This is especially funny because my husband? Never watched ONE football game this season. Not one. It was all luck. Or WAS it?
This is REALLY annoying to his accountant friend who IS a big football fan and really went overboard trying to figure out stats and blahblahblah (I sort of zone out when it comes to sports stuff like that – hey, zone out! I punned ya). The friend didn’t do very well and here’s my husband, not a big football fan and never even watched a game and he ties for first.
I’ve been meaning to do this meme for like, forever and today is the day to get started – mainly because I need something to talk about. 
Write From Karen 