Month: January 2009

Life

Lost with Children

Karen

Do you ever feel like your dreams are trying to tell you something? Or are a precursor to something in your life?

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t put a lot of stock in dreams. In fact, dreams rank right up there with horoscopes for me – the “interpretations” of dreams and horoscopes are just a bunch of misguided hocus-pocus, mumbo-jumbo crap that exists to cast doubt on our faith and to distract us from the reality of our lives. That’s my personal belief and there is nothing anybody can say that will change my mind about that.

However …

It’s interesting to read these interpretations because it gives me a chance to step back, look at my life and make the necessary adjustments …

… because I’m all about making my imperfect life just a bit more tolerable for those around me.

Case in point:

I have three dreams that occur on a semi-regular basis.

1. My cheating husband. I used to have dreams about my husband cheating on me, and then openly flaunting it in front of me (even going so far as to invite the woman over for family functions where I would then go all Jerry Springer on her butt because hello!? I’m not the kind of woman who handles that sort of betrayal with grace) a lot when we were first married.

Those dreams died a quiet death over time only to reappear around our seventh year anniversary – the time period when we were having marital problems.

Of course, I understood the significance behind those dreams without having to research it – I was feeling insecure about our relationship and felt like my flaws would eventually chase him away.

I’ve since learned to trust him, and myself, and I haven’t had that dream for a long, long time.

2. My teeth crumbling in my mouth. I mean, I’m standing there, talking, and suddenly I’m having to cup my mouth because my teeth simply disintegrate and fall into the palm of my hand.

I often wake up frantically feeling to make sure my teeth are still intact because it’s one of those dreams that just FEEL so REAL. It’s a very disturbing dream. So disturbing, in fact, that I looked it up online.

One interpretation said: To dream that you have rotten or decaying teeth, forewarns that your health and/or business is in jeopardy. You may have uttered some false or foul words and those words are coming back to haunt you.

That didn’t feel right. I’m in pretty good health and though there are aspects of my health that I wonder about at times, I’m not so worried about it that I’m freaking out or anything.

And though I am self-employed, I don’t see myself as a small business (though perhaps I should) therefore if I’m not a business, I’m not in jeopardy. (Hmm, I’ll have to analyze that one a bit more).

Then I ran across another interpretation about how I’m worried about losing my “looks” (*snort* as if I had looks) and growing older.

Ah. Now that one I could buy. I DO worry about growing older – getting wrinkles, body parts sagging, going gray. I never thought growing older would really bother me UNTIL I had to face the fact that the light at the end of my tunnel? Begins with a 5 and ends in a big, fat 0.

I haven’t had this dream in quite a while. Perhaps I’m finally starting to accept my age?

3. Being lost. This is the dream that I’ve had the most and am having now.

The latest one went something like this:

Me and the kids are in my car (and it’s actually my car – I drive a silver Vibe), and everything is fine. I have no idea where we’ve been, but the atmosphere in the car is relaxed – it’s a comfortable silence, we’re all distracted by our own thoughts. The radio is playing, but I have no idea what is playing – it’s just background noise.

We’re driving down this road and it’s familiar, yet, it’s not. I recognize some landmarks, but something is off. The scenery is … different somehow. And there are people everywhere. Not necessarily in cars, in fact, there are only a few cars on the road, but there are people on the side of the road just sort of … watching us. They aren’t being too creepy about it, but as we pass, they simply stop what they are doing and stare at us until we drive by and then they resume whatever it was they were doing.

I notice this strange behavior, but I don’t say anything to the boys about it. I don’t have to, they’ve already noticed it, too. But they don’t say anything about it either – we just sort of all exchange sideway glances or meet each others eyes in the mirror.

But I’m not panicking at this point. I just figure, whatever, let them look, I don’t care.

Once my attention shifts off of the people staring at us, I begin to notice that the road I’m on? Is not really familiar anymore. And the road has suddenly developed all sorts of hills and dips and it stretches out before us for as far as the eye can see.

My fingers tighten on the steering wheel and now I’m starting to feel nervous.

I glance to my left and I see a high school, not the high school GD goes to, but another high school in a different part of the city. And it’s the backside of the high school, not the front. I’m not freaking out too much at this point because I figure if I can see the backside of the school, then all I have to do is take a side road and I’ll be back on the side I am familiar with and can go home.

So, I pull off the road to the right, into this nondescript parking lot, and turn around. Suddenly, the road is packed and there are a ton of cars, just bumper to bumper. It takes me a very long time to merge back into traffic and head the other direction.

I now see the school on my right and I relax somewhat because now I’ll just backtrack and everything will be fine.

Only, it’s not. I keep an eye out for a side street to turn onto but I never see one. Now I’m past the high school and nothing looks familiar.

It’s like I’m lost, but I have the high school as my point of reference. I’m starting to panic. And the kids are starting to ask me questions, “Mom, where are we? What are you doing? Just turn here.” That sort of thing.

Feelings of frustration start bubbling up inside of me and I can feel an anxiety attack knocking on my subconscious. I wake up disoriented and bathed in cold sweat.

The dream wasn’t really disturbing, per se, but it was definitely creepy and left me feeling anxious and sad.

Curious, I looked up the dream interpretation for “lost” and this is what I found:

To dream that you are lost, suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. Alternatively, you may be trying to adjust and get accustomed to a new situation in which the rules and conditions are ever changing.

To dream that someone else is lost, represents unresolved issues or feelings regarding the person that is lost. Consider also what aspect of that person you may have lost within your own self. Perhaps you need to recapture and re-acknowledge those aspects.

Being lost in a travel context suggests a period of transition, and uncertainty about arriving successfully at your next destination.

Interesting. I think this interpretation applies to me on two levels:

— I definitely think I’ve lost my direction and have lost sight of my goals. I want something, but I’m too afraid to go after it. And I am definitely feeling insecure about it. I’ve made a decision to seriously pursue my writing career this year and I’m scared out of my mind. I’m scared for two reasons: 1. that I will fail and find out that I really suck at this writing gig thereby being disillusioned and left wondering “what now?” …

and 2. that I will disappoint my husband who has the utmost faith in my abilities and has convinced himself that if I could just sell one novel, I would make enough that he could retire from his job.

No pressure.

The rules and conditions have definitely changed. I’m heading into uncharted territory and I’m the sort of person who can handle anything – as long as I know what to expect. It’s the not knowing that scares the beejeebees out of me.

— The fact that I had the kids with me puzzles me. I think maybe I’ve reached a point in motherhood that I don’t really know where I stand or where to go from here. I mean, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to motherhood to begin with, but when the kids are little, you sort of know your role in their lives. But when they reach the teenage years, your role shifts and the rules change and guess what? There’s no one around to explain the new rules to you. And there are no obvious signs about how your role has changed or how you’re supposed to deal with those changes.

I’m just sort of aimlessly driving around looking for that road sign that will tell me where to go next. And the people standing around and staring? Could be the feeling I have that my decisions are being watched, analyzed and judged. After all, how I treat them now will ultimately affect how they interact with people in the future – their co-workers, their friends, their romantic interests.

No pressure.

Wow, sorry this is so long, but this dream sort of freaked me out. It helps to write it out and think about it in the light of reality.

The bottom line is, I’m feeling lost. I keep backtracking and second guessing myself and I’m desperately trying to find something familiar.

I think it might be time to swallow my pride and take out a map.

karen1

Monday Morning Meme

Monday Morning Meme – January 19th

Karen

All you have to do is answer the questions below either in the comment section, or on your blog. And elaborate! Make these questions show your unique and special personalities. This meme entry will post at 12:01 every Monday morning and will be the first postentry listed on WFK all day Monday. (This is an all-day Monday meme, so please, play all day!)

Monday Morning Meme at writefromkaren.com

January 19th Questions:

1. You have just been hired to clean your own home, what is your first complaint?

2. Are you able to ignore a ringing telephone? How often do you allow a ringing phone to go to voice mail? Do you answer your cell phone, out in public, every time it rings? Or do you silence it and get back to it when you’re in a more private area? How often would you say you’re on your home phone? Your cell phone? Do you like talking on the phone or do you view it as a necessary communication tool?

3. When did you last go for a bike ride? Do you own a bike? Do you encourage your children to ride bikes? Given the most popular New Year’s resolution of losing weight, would you consider putting bicycle riding as one of your exercise options? Why or why not?

4. If you had to name a smell that always makes you nostalgic, what would it be? What sorts of memories does the smell evoke?

Monday Morning Meme Participants

1. PhoenixTheBloggingMama
2. Marianne
3. Jodi		 4. Judy
5. angie
6. Thea @ I\’m a Drama Mama		 7. Dawn\’s Daily Life
8. Oregonsunshine
9. Vicki

Learn more about Monday Morning Meme here.

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Abundant Life

Teaching: How can a man atone for the sins of mankind?

Karen

Every Sunday I provide videos and valuable links to the Truth or Tradition teachings. We’ve been following the Truth or Tradition teachings for many years now and they have truly blessed our family. We have found peace and happiness through our beliefs and we walk confidently for God. My hope, by passing on this information to you, is that what you find here, or on the Truth or Tradition website, will guide you to a better, more blessed and abundant life.

If you would like to read my views on religion and how we got started with the ministry, you can read this.

Let’s get started:

How can a man atone for the sins of mankind?

The following article was taken from Chapter 1, footnote 16 of the book “One God & One Lord”

FAQ: If Jesus is a man then how can a man atone for the sins of mankind?

Thank you for asking this question.

It is common for Trinitarians to argue that Christ must be God because “a man could not atone for the sins of mankind.” Theologians through the ages have varied greatly in their opinions of exactly how Christ could accomplish redemption for fallen man, and these theological musings can be found in any good theological dictionary under the heading of “Atonement.”

However, a standard argument goes something like this: “Mankind has sinned against an infinite God, and therefore the sin is infinitely great. It takes an infinite being to atone for infinite sin, and the only infinite being is God. Therefore, since Christ atoned for sin, Christ must be God.” This argument, which seems reasonable to some people, is man-made, and nothing like it can be found in Scripture. What can be found in Scripture is simple and straightforward: “For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous” (Rom. 5:19).

There is not a single verse anywhere in Scripture that hints in any way that “God” was a sacrifice for sin. “The Church Fathers” tried to explain in great detail how Christ could atone for the sins of mankind, and offered many different theories as to how atonement could be accomplished. Origen, Augustine, and others believed that Christ was a payment made by God to Satan. Others taught that Christ was not a substitute for man, but rather a representative of man, and somehow the effect of his sufferings and resurrection extend to all mankind.

In the Middle Ages, Anselm taught that mankind’s sin offended God, and that Christ’s redemption was an act of “satisfaction,” to appease God. Abelard explained Christ’s atonement in terms of love and the response of love elicited from the sinner due to Christ’s example. The list of man’s theories about exactly how our atonement was accomplished is long, and entire books have been written on the subject.

The reason for the varying theories is that the New Testament does not set forth a “theory of atonement,” it just states the facts of the case, i.e., that Christ’s death paid for sin. Scripture makes many and varied references to the atoning work of Christ. Christ is called a “sacrifice” (Eph. 5:2; Heb. 9:26), a “sin offering” (Isa. 53:10; 2 Cor. 5:21 [NIV alternate reading]), a “ransom” (Matt. 20:28; 1 Tim. 2:6; Heb. 9:15) and an “atoning sacrifice” (Rom. 3:25; 1 John 2:2; 4:10).

We do not see the need or reason to build a “theory of atonement” when none is offered in the Word of God. The words of the Word are sufficient. As far as the subject of this article is concerned, the most important conclusion that can be drawn from what is revealed in the Word of God is that it is unbiblical to assert that Christ had to be God to pay for the sins of mankind when the Bible explicitly says that payment for sin came “by man.” See also Chapters 16 and 17 of our book One God & One Lord. [For further study, please read Christianity 101: Two Adams.]

If you have any questions, or would like to learn more about God’s wonderful message, please visit the Truth or Tradition website. You can also keep track of the ministry through their Facebook page.

Thank you for visiting and God bless.

Life

Thank You For Putting Me in this Awkward Position

Karen

It happened.

I read about it on other blogs. I formed my own opinions and “what if” scenarios in my mind wondering how I would handle the same situation if it ever happened to me. I judged those bloggers based on their decisions and how they handled it.

And now it has happened to me. Karma has come to bite me on my dimpled butt.

I signed onto my Facebook account yesterday to see what my family had been up to.

And I was surprised to see I had a friend request.

From an old boyfriend.

*sigh*

My very first reaction was “oh cool! Look who it is! Wow, he’s changed!” Because we all have this image stuck in our brains of people from our past being the same young person from our past.

It’s a bit shocking when we see that that person from our past? Is no longer young. Or the same.

At all.

Then the very next reaction was dread. We didn’t exactly end things on a positive note. In fact, our relationship had deteriorated to the point where I couldn’t stand this guy’s guts.

We started out as friends. I’ve mentioned before that I didn’t have a lot of girlfriends when I was in high school because I simply couldn’t stand most of the girls in my class. I’m a very impatient and grounded person. I didn’t do the head games. I didn’t do the girly stuff. I was simply … me. A few girls accepted that, most did not.

But whatever. I honestly didn’t care. I had plenty of boy friends to keep me company. And boy friends as in guy friends, nothing romantic. I guess you could say I was tomboyish in nature. I just got along better with guys than I did with girls. I knew how to joke around with them. I didn’t take their crap, in fact, I dished out more than my fair share of crap back to them. In return, they had a sort of grudging respect for me, I guess.

In short, we got along. They tolerated me. I tolerated them. It worked. *shrug*

We met on the streets. This was back in the days when “cruising” was a hot past time for teenagers and was allowed. Now, cops will bust you for cruising up and down a strip. But back then, it was tolerated. And I remember spending quite a few nights driving up and down Kearney street in my smokin’ little silver ’72 Monte Carlo and showing off my dorkiness to hot guys. A group of us would congregate on a parking lot and exchange BS for a bit before we got back into our cars and cruised around some more.

What can I say, there wasn’t a lot to do back in those days. And gas was cheap. And we were bored. And it kept us out of trouble (most of the time *ahem*).

So, I’m out cruising. And I see a group of people in a parking lot. When I recognize a few of them, I pull over. And that’s when I met him.

He didn’t go to my school. He went to a rival school and I think that is what initially caught my attention. He was off limits. He was dangerous. He was a new face.

We started talking. And I enjoyed his brusque, rude, and obstinate attitude. He was quickly elevated to “challenge” and that, my friends, is something I rarely turned down. A challenge to match wits and exchange barbs, with a guy.

I became interested.

We started hanging out. And I got to know him better. And the more I got to know him, the more impatient I became with him. He was a Downer Dan. He never had anything good to say about anybody or anything. He was always grumpy. He had a permanent scowl. He never saw the positive side of things and in short, was one of the biggest pessimists I’ve ever encountered in my life.

I became quite cynical around him. And I slowly started turning into this … person I didn’t like around him. I treated him like crap, and yet, he continued to hang around me. I took him for granted, but he continued to bend over backwards for me.

I felt powerful. And when it became obvious that this guy was starting to have feelings for me, I felt claustrophobic. And I started to feel guilty for treating him like crap. So, my attitude toward him started to subtly change and he took that as encouragement.

He suggested we become a couple.

I refused.

But he was persistent. And I was lonely. I was a senior in high school and every other girl in my class had a boyfriend. And I wanted to experience the hand holding, the soft kisses, and the inside jokes. I wanted to wear someone’s jacket. I wanted to wear someone’s class ring.

So, I grudgingly agreed.

Our friendship turned sour from that point on. My heart simply wasn’t in it. I simply did not feel that way about him. And I started to feel guilty. I didn’t want to hurt this guy’s feelings. He had helped me out of quite a few, er, situations and I owed him.

I stuck it out for about a month until I simply couldn’t lie to myself, or to him, any longer.

The relationship became stressed because I was picking fights and being a pain in the arse hoping that the guy would simply dump me and I would be out of the relationship. But instead, it was like the guy thrived on my unhappiness and it was at that point that I knew, not only was our “relationship” over, but our friendship was over, too. I couldn’t be around a guy like that. He wasn’t healthy for me.

So, I broke it off with him, cold turkey. I don’t remember exactly how I did that, but I do remember being really mean to him.

I feel so bad about that now. But I was a kid. And I was feeling trapped. And I think I panicked.

Life went on and I lost track of him. And then I forgot all about him. It wasn’t until years later that he somehow found an old email address of mine, one that I hang on to for some strange reason even though no one contacts me through it anymore and the only mail I get through that account is spam mail.

But he found me. And he emailed me. And his name caught my attention one day as I was going through my spam folder. Actually, he hadn’t emailed me directly, but I was on his friends/family list. I reluctantly opened the email and saw a link to his My Space page. I clicked over and read up on his life. Military – married – no kids.

I was happy for him. I hoped he was happy. But I didn’t contact him. I had no desire to open that can of worms again. And really, why should I? I had a husband, a family, a life. There was really no REASON to begin a friendship up again. Where would it lead? I wasn’t interested.

I think a part of me knew, a deep, dark, little secret part of me knew, that it wasn’t quite over for him. I sort of suspected that if I contacted him, he might want to try and worm his way back into my life causing strife, stress and certainly sorrow. It’s hard to explain, but I think he might still have feelings for me. It’s just a weird feeling I have and I hope I’m wrong – but it’s there, none the less.

And if you will recall, I don’t DO drama. I simply refuse to put myself in a situation where there might be drama. I like my life. I love my family. We’re happy. We’re content. I have no desire to expose my family to a part of my past.

So, I ignored him.

And now, he’s found me on Facebook. I’m sure that the unease I’m feeling with this guy is all me. He’s probably just some nice guy looking to add more friends to his Facebook account and when he combed his past, there I was. I’m sure he’s happy and has moved on with his life. I’m sure I’m just being paranoid and egotistical in thinking he even still thinks of me like that.

But when I read portions of his My Space page and detected just a bit of “attitude” toward his life and some of the things he said … I don’t know, I’m a pretty good judge of character and it just didn’t sound like something someone would say about their life if they were happy. Again, it’s hard to explain, it’s just a feeling.

But all of that really doesn’t matter. The bottom line is, the contact with this guy wouldn’t be appropriate given my current status: happily married. I mean, let’s put the shoe on the other foot for a minute. How would I feel if my husband’s ex-wife sent a friend request to him?

And he accepted?

I’d go ballistic, that’s what would happen. I’d always wonder if they were exchanging secret messages or he was flirting with her (or vice versa). Their history is just that, history. There is no room for her in his life. None. A friendship is out of the question, given their history.

And that’s when it dawned on me – I can’t accept this guy’s friend request for the same reasons.

It would be opening up a can of worms and in the end, would it be worth the strife it would cause in my life? Absolutely not.

So dude, I’m sorry. I truly am. But I have a life, a good life. And you have a life. And it’s just not feasible, practical, or WISE, to intersect those lives.

I have no choice but to ignore you.

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General

Special Scarves for Special People

Karen

See these beautiful scarves?


scarves1, originally uploaded by PaceGuy.

These scarves are just another reason why I adore my mother. She has a kind and generous heart and loves to donate her time and energies to good causes.

My mom made these scarves and donated them to the Special Olympics. Wouldn’t it be cool to see one of these special people wearing one of my mom’s special scarves?

Thanks for your generosity, mom. I’m sure they will love them.