Relationships

A Disclaimer

Sorry about this, but this post is pretty long (1,223 words long, actually). I apologize up front for your boredom. Let me offer you some coffee to help you stay awake … *grin*

I’m not sure how to start this post without sounding like a total dweeb, but I’d like to comment on some of the things that Dr.Laura talks about on her blog and her YouTube channel.

I know. There are quite a few people out there that loathe Dr. Laura. I get that. And yes, she can be quite obnoxious, in a condescending way. And I have noticed (because I have listened to her on and off for years now), that she seems to be a little less compassionate as time goes on. And sometimes, she doesn’t even allow the person she’s consulting to finish a sentence or even explain what the problem is – she has a bad habit of just assuming it’s one way when in fact, there are a lot of times, it’s not always that cut and dried.

But I also understand why she’s like that. I can understand her impatience with people because her experience has taught her that people have selective hearing, especially when it comes to admitting they are wrong, and they only select to hear what they want to hear, not what they need to hear. She seems hard and cynical and I suppose after listening to people’s problems for so many years, one would tend to be that way after a while, it’s probably like pounding your head against a wall, fruitless and painful. People, in general, don’t like to face their flaws. It’s human nature to always want to be right, to always point the finger at someone else. I’ve done it, and I will continue to do it because I am human after all.

BUT …

I’m also fair to myself and to those I love. If my behavior needs to be corrected, or corralled, then I will work on doing just that. Because if, in the end, I’m happier, and the people I love are happier, then it’s worth it to me.

I’ve always been fascinated with how relationships work. Exactly what attracts one human being to another? I understand the physical attraction is chemical, but what about the personalities? I’m more interested in how, and why, that works. I’m interested mainly because I love to write relationship stories and learning this stuff helps me write a tighter story. But I’m also interested for purely selfish reasons – to make my own relationship with my husband and boys even better.

I don’t do drama. I absolutely refuse to take part in any family drama, period. Everything boils down to a choice, right or wrong, people have to live with those choices. Make the wrong choice then either live with it, or don’t. I know it’s easy to say that, especially in situations where there are drugs or abuse involved, but ultimately, only one person can make you happy – you. I suppose the real question is, do we have the strength and courage to take that first step toward a better life.

I hate finger pointing. All situations, all problems, all fights require at least two people and the sooner those people involved accept the fact that he/she had something to do with the problem/situation to begin with, the sooner that problem/situation will be resolved. It’s not easy. It takes time. But life is simply too short to hold grudges and/or to live with bad choices. Make amends, make peace, move on.

I’m happy. I have a great marriage and I have two wonderfully boring sons who never give us a moment’s trouble *knock on wood*. But it wasn’t always this way. I’ve had to claw, fight, explode, cry my way to where I am today. I’ve had to swallow hundreds of humble pills and I’ve been forced to take some long, hard looks at myself in the process. And I’ve been pretty disgusted with what I’ve found. Truly. There was a time period I hated my guts.

I’ve done things … I can’t ever tell you about. They are pretty bad. They would shock and disappoint you, big things, nasty things and things I will have to shamefully acknowledge when it’s my turn in the judgment seat. Christ will not be happy with me. I’ve come to terms with that and I take full responsibility for my actions. I made mistakes, I’ve asked for forgiveness but I can’t shake the periodic self-loathing. I don’t dwell on it. What is done is done. I can’t undo the damage. I simply have to accept that as part of who I am and strive to be a better person.

I’m sharing this with you because I want you to know, I’m not perfect. My life is not perfect. I’ve made some whopper mistakes. But I’ve learned so much about myself and about human nature in the process that I feel compelled to share what I’ve learned with you because it might help you with your own life and relationships. I feel strongly about a lot of things that Dr. Laura talks about and if I may, I’d like to use her as a springboard to my own experiences.

I think, society as a whole, has been brainwashed. I think our preconceived notions on what to expect from relationships is actually hurting us. I think it’s time for people to take a good honest look at themselves and to start taking responsibilities for their actions. You’ve heard a million times before, you’ll hear it a million times on my blog, happiness truly does start with you.

I will be pouring my heart out. I will be sharing some experiences with you. I’m doing this, in part, to share my life with you; I’m doing this, in part, to chronicle my life for anyone who cares to read about it after I’m gone. I simply ask that if you disagree with me, or you get annoyed with my observations, that you’re respectful, succinct, and intelligent in your responses. This journal will be around long after I’m gone, I have no desire for my loved ones to read nasty, or ill-conceived comments that have nothing to do with the post and everything to do with trying to make me, or others, feel bad. Those comments will be deleted. Period.

I probably shouldn’t be doing this. I’m probably opening up a can of worms, but damn it, this is the stuff I’m passionate about and when I read so many more blog entries from people who are having problems, the same sort of problems I had as a young wife and mother, I want to shout from the rooftops and try and help them. I realize that we all have to make our own mistakes, but it sure helps to hear from people who have made the same mistakes. It’s comforting to know we are not alone in our pain/solitude/regrets.

Have I scared you yet? *grin* I’m sorry to drone on and on about this (still with me?), but I felt it was necessary to explain to you where I’m coming from on this. I don’t mean to sound preachy but I can’t apologize for the things that I feel passionate about: love and relationships.

Thanks for humoring me.

Updated: I found this WONDERFUL article about people’s misconceptions of Dr. Laura. In essence, critics (and I’m talking about the irrational, can barely get a civil sentence out before spewing fire from the mouths critics) like to use Dr. Laura as a excuse for their own bad, despicable, and poor choices. They like to use Dr. Laura as an excuse to continue living a life they know, in their hearts, is wrong but are either too stubborn or too weak to change. It’s worth a read.

General

Impossible Harmony

This is what happens when I try and coordinate with other people. *grin* In fact, the Beaker who catches his violin on fire? Yeah, that would be me.

I’m a team player, as long as everyone does what I want them to do. LOL

What about you? Are you team player? Or do you prefer to go solo?

Me? Solo, all the way.

I’m not painting a very flattering picture of myself, am I.