Dear Viral Asshat Wannabe,
Guess what I’m doing right now? Go on, guess. I’ll bet you’ll never guess what I’m doing right now.
I’ll give you a hint – it has something to do with computers, a lot of time and patience, and quite a few backup DVD’s.
Fine, I’ll tell you – I’m reformatting my computer.
Well, one of them, anyway.
I DETEST people like you who have nothing better to do than sit around and think up viruses to cripple honest, God-fearing, hard-working people’s computers. Truly, you’re evil – and I bet you’re a lonely loser too, am I right?
I have a message for you and your viral society reject “friends” who create viruses:
Do NOT gloat. Do NOT think, for one minute, that just because I’m having to reformat, you win. Oh, contrare, you piece of dogshit … brace yourself because …
I don’t mind it.
That’s right. You read that correctly. In fact, I am actually going to thank you. Why? Because you’re doing me a favor – I LOVE a newly reformatted computer. Everything works super fast. It’s a chance to clean house and get rid of the junk files that I inevitably collect over months of browsing.
But most of all, it gives me IMMENSE satisfaction to zap your nasty, evil virus bytes to hell.
So, thank you, evil depraved f*cker. I will have a brand new computer very soon because of you.
In the meantime, you’re not slowing me down. Why? Because I have three computers, asswipe. My Dell (which was infected), my Antec, (which is a computer my husband built from scratch and is ROCK SOLID), and my laptop, (which is my close-personal buddy). So, I’m writing this entry on my Antec computer. I don’t use my Antec computer very often anymore, mainly because it’s running Windows 2000 and is a lot slower than my Dell, which is running Windows XP. But, it has never failed me and it’s an excellent backup.
So, suck my motherboard, slimebucket.
Oh, and if you still think you’re going to get some satisfaction out of the fact that I’m spending my Saturday reloading programs? Think again, reject, I ENJOY lining up my CD’s and reloading fresh copies of Word, PhotoShop, Dreamweaver, etc. because there is NOTHING like the smell of a fresh, virgin program.
But I suppose you wouldn’t know that smell, would you, you poor pathetic worm. What with you being cooped up in a windowless, trashy, dimly lit room with no one to keep you company save for the mirror tacked on the opposite wall.
The moral of this letter?
Get a life. You’re pathetic. Truly, it’s not attractive.
A Geek Who Refuses to Be Infected … For Long.
ADDED: Well, my hard drive has been wiped clean. It sparkles – it’s so pretty. 🙂 I’m currently installing windows updates and sheesh it’s taking forever! My monitor is doing this weird flickering thing and the husband and I remembered, too late, that we had to install a driver for the video card when I first got this computer and of course, that’s gone now. Oops! We’ll have to do a little digging and find it again. Other than that, it’s slow going but I’m checking it in between duties so it’s not all bad, just time consuming! *yawn*