Tuesday Stuff

Pass the Bottle


Heads or Tails is hosted by Barb a.k.a. Skittles. Thanks Barb!

This week’s prompt: Heads – Bottle


Thought-provoking title, no?

I don’t mean bottle as in an alcoholic bottle (I don’t drink), I mean a bottle as in a lotion bottle.

When I first saw the prompt for this week’s Heads or Tails I thought of two possible subject titles:

“Pass the Bottle” and “Bottled Up.”

Though I would have preferred to talk about being bottled up, about how it’s dangerous to keep resentments and frustrations bottled up inside of you so that it finally bubbles over and the person explodes over the silliest and most inconsequential thing even though what they are REALLY upset about has nothing, whatsoever, to do with their explosion, I didn’t think I could sufficiently talk about that without revealing private information and thereby making the person who has all of this pent-up energy inside of him detonate and spew icky black anger all over my walls and make a mess for me to clean up.

Wow, that was a long sentence.

So, I wrote about it in a password-protected post and now, I feel loads better. Writing private posts really is therapeutic – bloggers, you should try it sometime.

Since “Bottled Up” was not an option, I thought I would go with plan B and write “Pass the Bottle” because it’s the safest option and suitable to publish on the Internet. Okay, maybe not suitable, but definitely safer.

I’m an Amazon woman. I’m 5’10 inches tall and I’m a size 10, on a good, non-bloating day. I have broad shoulders. I have thick arms. I have pudgy hands and I have perfect birthing hips.

I am not, even in your wildest dreams, small, petite, cute, little, pixie-like, adorable or feminine.

These are simply not words that would come to your mind if you were to meet me in real life. I am a giant. I loom. I intimidate. I am someone to look up to – not figuratively, but quite literally. I am she-woman, hear me roar.

I’ve accepted this. And most of the time, it doesn’t bother me. In fact, most of the time, I’m not even aware of how Amazon-ish I am until I see pictures of myself with my husband’s family who are all thin, shorter and more beautiful than I am.

And my mother-in-law wonders why I ABHOR family pictures with me in them. Because those pictures are an ugly, painful reminder than I’m simply not all that feminine – at least, MY definition of feminine. And though I don’t usually have a problem with self-esteem, the amount I do have dissipates into thin air whenever I see those pictures. Those family pictures are like those “I Spy” pictures – “Boys and girls, can you spot the Amazon woman? Wow! That was fast!”

Though I respect myself and my husband enough to keep myself clean, (semi) toned and thinned down, I don’t spend a lot of time on my appearance.

Sure, I put makeup on, I comb my hair and brush my teeth but those are the extent of my beauty routine. I do just enough to conform to society’s expectations.

I do not wear lipstick. I do not put a lot of thought into my clothes (unless I’m having lunch with my husband and I do that because 1. I don’t want to embarrass him in front of his co-workers 2. Because my husband deserves to see me looking my best, 3. because I deserve to see me looking my best, 4. because it makes me feel, and dare I say it, act better when I look polished and professional).

I do not wear nail polish. I do not wear jewelry, not even my wedding ring most of the time (which irks the husband and something I’m working on).

I’m not interested in fashion. I am not interested in shopping, of any kind. I could care less about purses. Or shoes (most of the time).

I don’t simper. I don’t bat my eyelashes. I don’t act girly (unless I see a big, ugly bug/spider and then all bets are off), and I don’t play head games. I have no patience for gossip. I have no interest in wasting time or energy on what someone thinks of me (for the most part).

In short, I’m an Amazon – both physically and emotionally.

But there is one (or two, possibly three) indulges that I do allow myself – lotion.

I love shopping for lotions. I love looking at the pretty bottles. I love popping the tabs and taking deep, appreciative sniffs of Rainkissed Leaves, Sensual Amber, Japanese Cherry Blossom, Coconut Lime and Black Amethyst.

I love squeezing thick, fat lines of lotion onto my freshly shaved legs and then spreading it over my skin. I love how the lotion turns the texture my otherwise tough skin into something soft, supple, and feminine.

I love how people comment about how good I smell whenever I go out. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel special. It makes me feel like a woman.

Lotions are one of the few indulgences I allow myself. I think mainly because it’s not obvious – no one knows my feminine weakness save for me and my husband.

And well, now you. 🙂

Perhaps this Amazon woman is not quite so Amazon-ish after all.


Photo Contest at writefromkaren.com

It’s happening right now!

11 thoughts on “Pass the Bottle”

  1. Rainkissed Leaves is one of my fave scents Bath & Body Works! 🙂 That and Sea Island Cotton. When I take a shower at night (usually I take them in the morning), I use the Lavender Vanilla body wash.

    I’m big on shopping though. I usually steer clear of floral patterns. I don’t like “cutesy” pictures on my shirts. I’m more of a “classic” kind of dresser, and I wear jeans whenever I can, but I usually dress them up with nice blouses.

  2. I, too, am an Amazon. I’m 5’10”, wear a size 11 shoe (I wore a size 10 shoe before my second pregnancy…thanks, kid!), and I once had a high school teacher who nicknamed me orangutan arms.

  3. My daughter-in-law is 6′ tall.. although she tells everyone she’s 5’11 1/2″ so I know where you’re coming from regarding height, based on what I’ve observed with her.

    I also know about most of the other things you wrote concerned your lack of standardized femininity. This is from my own experiences. You see.. I don’t feel or do most of those girly things either. This does bother me, more than I’d be likely to ever admit, but I can only be who I am.

    Thank you for opening up and sharing this with us.

  4. I’m a 5’2” Amazon! All the attitude and solid build but no height. I’m always shocked when I see my reflection next to someone who turns out to be so much taller than I am!

  5. What a great post! I love your honesty here – so it’s kind of funny that I came over to tell you that I just awarded you with the Honest Award at my blog!

    I may not be an Amazon Woman, but I also rarely feel cute and feminine – so in that aspect I can totally relate!

  6. Great Post! I have huge feet…I am only five five, but I have size 10 feet, and huge hands…big bones….

    I think I would probably like you quite a bit! No simpering, gossip, or head games….I like it! Have a great day….

  7. My sister is an Amazon woman. She’s 6′ 2 1/2″. She wore a size 10 shoe in the late 70’s, which was hard to find.

    I am not an Amazon. I am just 5’8″, which is short when all your siblings are over 6′ and your mother is 1/2″ taller than you. I feel short. However, I have large hands. Hands as large as the average man’s.

    I like jewelry. I especially like rings, but don’t wear many at one time. Finding rings that don’t need to be sized is near impossible for me.

    I like this topic! I might steal it and talk about being the short one of my family and the non-girly girl who has been hurt by unthinking friends.

    You don’t mind, do you Karen?

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