Day: April 14, 2011

I’ve been scanning old pictures today (my goal is to digitize all of our photos and videos then store them in a safe deposit box because if something happened to any of these old pictures and videos I’d …………. well, let’s not talk about it).

I posted this picture on Facebook and thought I’d share it with you all, too.

This is me and Kevin holding our premature first born son (Dude) in the hospital in late December 1992. He was eight weeks early. No explanation – my water broke and *POOF* he arrived. (Well, it wasn’t that quick or that easy, though he was only 4 lb and 12 oz so it wasn’t really that hard to push him out. I’m sorry, too much information?)

He stayed in the hospital for six weeks because his lungs hadn’t developed. He came home December 28, 1992. He was in the hospital over Christmas – we have a picture of him with Santa.

That was one tough Christmas, let me tell you.

But here we are, eighteen years later and on the verge of graduating from high school in five short weeks. It doesn’t seem possible.

Holding this child in my arms … it’s incredibly hard to explain, not to mention frustrating, especially for a writer, but there is something special and precious about a mother’s love for her child. The emotions, they’re raw, tender, consuming, instinctual, fierce … you absorb all of these new feelings so deeply for this new person YOU HELPED TO CREATE and before long, you don’t know where you end and where your child begins.

Even though my first born and I have had our problems over the years, we’ve had fights, disagreements, connections, shared jokes, laughs … I can’t imagine my life without him or my youngest son. It simply isn’t possible for me to see a life without them in it.

We’ve had quite the journey to where we are now. I’m sad to see him grow up, but at the same time, I can’t wait to see where he goes.

Pass the popcorn won’t you? The next scene in this child’s life is about to begin.

P.S. This was the early 90’s, big bows were IN back then, people. Stop with the snickering. I can hear you. Sheesh.

I’m participating in the A to Z challenge. Just post something every day with the appropriate letter (except for Sundays), and then submit your link to one of the hosts and don’t forget to visit other participants! Also, you can find other A to Z participants on Twitter via the #atozchallenge hashtag. (This trying to relate the alphabet to your life thing is HARD. It’s taxing my brain and oh look! A puddle of brain mass. Sweet).

You know the saying, “I hope you have a kid JUST like you someday …”

Well thankfully, I don’t.

Wait.

That’s not entirely true – Dude is like me, only a watered-down version of me. For example, he’s stubborn. He’s obstinate. He’s moody. He’s quick to anger. He has a potty mouth when he’s upset. (Which he TOTALLY gets from me. *ahem*). He’s a total geek. He doesn’t have a lot of friends. He doesn’t WANT a lot of friends. He’s a homebody. He’s a thinker. He’s creative, in quiet ways. He can be a jerk sometimes. He can be quite loveable sometimes. He’s smart. He’s aggressive. He’s no nonsense …

Well geez, I guess the kid IS a lot like me. Which probably explains why we butt heads all the time.

Dude and I can’t be in the same room when we’re angry at each other. It gets violent. It’s mostly verbal violence – I say things I regret, he hurts my feelings with some of the things he says to me.

So yeah. My oldest son and I are quite a lot alike, actually. And I guess he’s given me a lot of grief over the years because of that fact. Not NEARLY on the same level as the grief I gave MY parents growing up, but enough for me to say, yeah, karma tapped me on the shoulder and gave me a child a lot like me and oh boy my parents are probably smiling right about now.

But we’re not bad people, Dude and I – we’re just not always easy to be around. (Just ask Kevin). Dude and I are hard people (though I’m way harder and way more obstinate). We’re tough nuts to crack, I guess you could say.

But for all of our disagreements and head butting, I wouldn’t trade the kid for anything in the world. He’s part of me. He’s me, only WAY better.

So though karma tried to kick my butt, I fought back … and won, I think.

I’m participating in the A to Z challenge. You can sign up for the challenge here. Just post something every day with the appropriate letter (except for Sundays), and then submit your link to one of the hosts and don’t forget to visit other participants! Also, you can find other A to Z participants on Twitter via the #atozchallenge hashtag. (Keep your posts short – not more than 500 words – to make it easy on visitors. I think there were about 1100 participants the last time I checked).