Funny, random stuff

April Fools’ Pranks

Happy April’s Fool Day!

I don’t really get into April Fools’ (especially now that the boys are older and usually catch on right away), but I found some funny pranks that I thought I would pass on to you in case you want to pull a fast one on a co-worker or a loved one.

Forgetful
Tape magnets to the bottom of an empty coffee cup, and attach it to the top of your car. Laugh at all the people who frantically try to get your attention as you drive by.

Wild Flowers
Buy some fake but realistic-looking flowers from a craft store and “plant” them in your victim’s garden. They will be shocked to find they have a greener thumb than they thought!

Invisible Ink
Go into the victim’s office and locate every pencil and pen in their desk. Paint the tips with clear nail polish. When they try to write, none of them will work. (After the prank is revealed, the nail polish can be removed by dipping the pens and pencils in polish remover.)

Kidnapped
Take an item from the victim’s office (something they use a lot such as a special coffee cup, stapler, pencil cup, etc.). Take a picture of the item and leave it on the victim’s desk (in the same spot where the item was located), along with a “ransom” note.

Clipped
Make some copies of a paperclip. Then put them into the paper tray of the copier. People will go nuts trying to find the paperclip stuck in the printer.

Filed Away
Take a tape recorder and fast forward a blank tape about half-way. Then record yourself saying “Hey, let me out of here!”, then knock on the tape recorder with your knuckles. Let the tape run a bit more and repeat as many times as you want. Now, rewind the tape, and hide it a file cabinet or other piece of furniture. Right before you know your victim will be in the area by themselves, sneak in a press “PLAY”.

Document Panic
Has your victim been working on an important document on their computer? Carefully hide the document in a safe place, then create a fake document with the same name. Fill the document with gobbledy-gook or a funny story. At the bottom put “April Fool’s!”

Incorrect
If the victim uses Microsoft Word, go into the victim’s computer and change the auto-correct feature so it misspells common words. Just open Word, choose “AutoCorrect Options” from the Tools menu, and have it replace common words like “the” and “and” with wacky words like “eggplant” or “Uranus.” Be creative.

Away From Home
Change the victim’s homepage to something unexpected. Open their browser and choose Tools->Options and enter the URL for a new page.

You can find many more “harmless” pranks at http://aprilfoolzone.com. Have fun!

P.S. I just noticed that, according to Grammar Girl, the correct spelling is:

http://twitter.com/#!/GrammarGirl/status/53486198152380417

Politics

A Rather Dramatic Parable About Liberals

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green…’

ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.”

Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper’s sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government GreenCzar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug-related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY: DO NOT VOTE FOR LIBERALS/PROGRESSIVES EVER AGAIN.

Abundant Life

Audio Teaching: Highlights from Live Out Loud – Part 2

by John Schoenheit / Ryan Maher
This second tape/CD in the two-part set includes two powerful teachings from the 2005 Live Out Loud Teens & Twenties Conference that are sure to speak to your heart: John Schoenheit (Resolutions) and Ryan Maher (What Can You Give?).

Click the arrow to listen.

Check out Truth or Tradition teachings on:

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Reflections

RemembeRED: Sour Milk

Every Tuesday, The Red Dress Club gives us a prompt to, well, “prompt” us to remember something from our childhood/youth.

This week’s prompt: Kindergarten

Her name was Mrs. Bacon.

For some reason, I remember my kindergarten’s teacher’s last name, but I don’t remember what I had for dinner last night. Or maybe I remember her name because we’re scheduled to have breakfast tonight, and bacon is on the menu.

Whatever works, I suppose.

She was tall, or maybe she just seemed tall because I was only five years old at the time, everyone and everything seemed tall to me back then (though I don’t know, I’ve always been tall for my age, so chances are she wasn’t as tall to me as she was to other kids), and she was skinny.

She had a shag hairstyle with pointy lady sideburns – If I had her as a teacher in say, middle school, I might have thought she was a lesbian. She wasn’t, but she had a boyish frame and a boy haircut – you can see where I might make that leap.

She was nice, which is probably the real reason I remember her. She made school fun. School WAS fun until the fourth grade and Mrs. Hill.

*shudder*

Let’s not talk about Mrs. Hill.

We sat at round tables and we used a lot of crayons. The smell of crayons, to this day, reminds me of kindergarten.

I remember those little half-pint milk cartons and how we had milk every day at snack time , and how every day, I would force myself to drink the rank stuff because even though it smelled sour and tasted like warm cottage cheese, I drank it to please Mrs. Bacon, so she would like me – that was back in the days when I cared what people thought of me.

Those days didn’t last long.

I remember toys, in cubby holes, that we were allowed to play with if we behaved. I don’t remember really learning anything in kindergarten, but I do remember learning to get along with other children, which I suppose was the reason for kindergarten back in those days. Now you can’t even get into kindergarten if you don’t know your letters, numbers and how to write your name.

Screw socialization.

I want to say I went to half-day kindergarten, but I can’t be sure. I know half-day kindergarten was more readily accessible back in those days, now full days are expected, and sometimes required, after completing two years of preschool.

And yet, America is still behind in educational skills. You would think putting our children into a school-like structure at such a young age would give them a head start, but alas, the system breaks down somewhere in the middle school range.

Now we’re talking about making our children stay in school longer and dumping more money into our educational system when that’s not where the problem lies, our educational problems lie in an ineffective government and their insistence on taking over nearly every aspect of our lives.

But I digress.

I remember wearing dresses to kindergarten. My mom made a lot of our clothes and I was always wearing something pretty to school. I also remember her pulling my hair back really tight to keep it out of my face. Sort of like this picture … or maybe I’m remembering the tight ponytails because of this picture.

However that works, I suppose.

I remember kindergarten being an age of innocence, of being happy, of being a carefree child … as kindergarten should be remembered for every child.

Flash Fiction

Flash Fiction: Deviation

writing prompt: Deviation – meaning: noticeable or marked departure from accepted norms of behavior

“So. How long has it been since you … you know.”

Olivia shrugged. “A while. I think I’m over it.”

Valerie scowled. “Liar. I don’t believe you. Let me see your legs.”

Olivia’s eyes widened before hardening into chips of graphite. “No.”

Her roommate reached over and pulled up her pant leg before Olivia could stop her.

Her hard voice negated her slow smile. “So instead of cutting, you’re writing on yourself now?”

Again, she shrugged. “There’s less clean up.”

Valerie snorted. “You need help, girl.”

“And you don’t?” Olivia shot back. “When is your next tattoo scheduled?” she asked.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Valerie snapped back and glared at her.

It was Olivia’s turn to say it. “Liar. All I have to do is pull out your planner and see when your next appointment is. You write everything down. It’s almost a sickness with you.”

“One of many,” Valerie murmured and then shrugged. “Fine. I have one scheduled for next Friday.”

Olivia sputtered a bitter laugh. “Good God, where? Nearly every square inch of your body is covered.”

“I’ll find some space,” Valerie shot back.

The girls glared at each other for long, tense moments before they both relaxed at the same time and started laughing.

“Geez, we’re a pair, aren’t we? We could keep a shrink in business for years.”

Olivia shrugged. “We cope. You hide behind your tattoos; I manifest my emotional pain into physical pain.”

“Hell, who needs a shrink!”

They laughed.

_______________________________

null

Fiction under 250 words.

Inspired by this and this Post Secret.

Work Stuff

Closed Status

I’ve been sitting on pins and needles all day – waiting for THAT call.

The call that would hopefully tell me that I got the job that I sat on three grueling interviews for.

However, I have not received THE call.

And I just checked the job status online – it’s now showing “closed.”

I have no idea what that means, but I’m assuming it means they picked someone for the job and since I haven’t heard anything, I’m assuming they picked the other person.

I lost.

Game over.

At least, this particular game.

I’m disappointed, of course, but there is a small part of me that is relieved – I’m not sure the job was a good fit for me, quite frankly. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe this means there is a better job out there waiting for me, I don’t know.

If nothing else, it was good practice, to get back out there and interview. I was honest – maybe that was my downfall. Maybe I should have stuck with more “bottled” responses. But dang it, it sure seemed like they appreciated my honesty. I left those interviews feeling pretty good .. maybe my people perception is off. Maybe I can’t read people as well as I think I can.

*sigh*

Now what. It’s back to the listings, I suppose. I have my application in for three other positions within the industry – the recruiter I interviewed with was supposed to forward my application to another department – the other positions are likely in other departments, which means I’ll likely have to interview with the recruiters responsible for those departments.

I may end up being a professional interviewer before this is all over.

In the meantime, I need to focus my energies on other things – I’m working on a template for a school website now in the hopes that I can persuade them to buy it from me and then use me to maintain it after it goes live. I’m also focusing on my writing again. I’ve been trying to post short fiction pieces as a warm up, if you will, for a novel I’ve had in the back of my mind (I’m thinking of doing the NaNoWriMo exercise only next month), and a writing contest that I’ve wanted to enter for only … forever.

I can’t dwell on my disappointment (though I could still get a call, I guess. I may be jumping the gun a bit), so I’ll move on and focus on other things.

It’s just, now that I’m ready to get back out into the working world, I want it to happen NOW. I’m mentally prepared to get back out there.

I’ll just have to be patient for a bit longer, I guess.

UPDATE: It’s now been a week since my last interview and I haven’t heard anything. *sigh* The glimmer of hope dims with each passing day. But you know? I’m confident there is something out there for me and apparently, this wasn’t it. I’m not giving up – I have more applications out there so we’ll see where this journey takes me.

Relationships

Spring Cleaning Your Marriage

Magic Kiss I routinely keep track of two relationship blogs (and if you know of any others that you like, please pass on the links!); Marriage Gems and Project Happily Ever After. And often times, I will read something and think, “OH! I should blog about my own experience with that,” or, “OH! If only more people knew about that little relationship trick.”

So here we are.

I read “Eight Ways to Spring Clean Your Life & Relationships” and thought I’d share my thoughts and experiences with you on the eight things suggested:

1. Clear the air – this was specially hard to do when we were both younger. He would (and still does, to some extent) keep things bottled up so long that they began to fester and grow until finally, he would blow up at me over the stupidest thing. I would be incredulous over what he was upset about and I would chime in and the fight was ON.

I’ve learned to look below the surface of his annoyance and pinpoint the problem. I’ve also worked on him TALKING to me at the time he’s upset so that we can work on whatever it is that is bugging him. It’s not always easy to face (because it’s inevitably something I did, or didn’t do), but it’s easier to deal with it at that moment in time than opposed to later.

Now me? I don’t have a problem telling him what I’m thinking, feeling or if he did something to bug me. NO communication problems on my end, I assure you. (*grin*)

2. Make room for new commitments – This one is a toughie because it’s so easy to get stuck in the same old routine day in and day out. However, he’s recently opened his own office and I’ve been looking for a job, so things are pretty shaken up in our work lives. We also try and take one fun family vacation a year because it’s important to me to make new family memories. We’re going to Disney World and cruising to the Bahamas this year. We definitely make room in our lives for new commitments.

3. If you’ve been building up resentment, it’s time to dust it off and unload past hurts – Our marriage has definitely not been a bed of roses all of these years. We’ve done a lot to hurt each other – some of these things are pretty heavy duty and not for public consumption, but suffice it to say, it took us a LONG time to forgive each other for some of the things we did in the past. You just have to learn from the experience, take responsiblity and be grown ups about what happened and what you can do to prevent it from happening in the future.

4. Are there proverbial cobwebs around the marital bed? – This is probably his number one complaint about me. I’m not a very affectionate person. I’ve hurt him NUMEROUS times with my coldness. I know this. He accepts it. BUT I’ve been working on making that better. In other words, I’ve been working on ME. We compromise. And I just accept the fact that he’s a man and has certain needs. We’ve gone round and ROUND on this issue and though it still hasn’t been fully resolved, we’re better about this part of our relationship than we have been in the past.

5. Give thought to spiffing up your appearance – This one is so easy to lose track of. You get comfortable, you let yourself go … it adds up to low self-esteem and disinterest – in yourself and in your partner. I’m TOTALLY guilty of this one. I try to keep my weight under control (although I’m currently under a strict no chocolate/no pastry diet because I’ve gotten a little too carried away lately), but I’ll be the first to admit, I could do MUCH better on my wardrobe. I’ve been a stay-at-home/work-at-home mom for a number of years now and I pretty much LIVE in t-shirts and sweats.

Sexy, right?

Um, no.

When Kevin opened up his business office and asked me if I wanted to take over the other office to work on my websites, I think he did it primarily to get me out of sweats, because he was sick of seeing me in sweats all the time. Oh sure, I would dress up if we went out into public, but that wasn’t very often. He never said anything, but when I started dressing up to go into the office, he said, “It’s nice to see you out of sweats.”

So … yeah, it must have bothered him.

I’m working on this one. I’m working on trying to change my look a bit, and I’ve been buying slacks and have been looking for more dressy-type clothing. I just know how I would feel if Kevin walked around in sweats all day, every day and … yeah, it’s time to step up my hotness. *wink*

6. Clean and organize areas where you spend the most time – I sort of HAVE to work on this one because clutter makes Kevin one CRANKY man. In fact, that’s one of the things we’ve had to compromise on over the years. He comes from a family of neat freaks – and I mean that in the most loving way – and I don’t. My family is neat, don’t get me wrong, it’s just somewhere down the pipeline, I missed out on the neat gene.

I’m not neat, if I wasn’t clear on that.

That’s why Kevin is so good for me, and I him – we complement each other.

BUT, when we first got married, the man expected me to keep house like his mother did (does). Cleaning house is my mother-in-law’s hobby. Let me set the record straight – cleaning house is not something I look forward to OR enjoy. EVER. I do it because I don’t want to live in a pigsty. So when Kevin would come home from work and the house would be a mess and/or dinner wasn’t ready (because I had two small boys under my feet), he would get irritated, which would irritate me and a fight would be simmering just under the surface until one of us couldn’t take the tension anymore.

After one such blow out, we decided to compromise on the house cleaning thing – I asked him what absolutely drove him nuts and it was the kitchen. Now, I work to keep the kitchen clean (okay, livable) and he relaxes on the rest of the house.

Dude. You didn’t marry June Cleaver, stop trying to make me into June Cleaver. I will do my best but you have to adjust your expectations a bit. (Yes. I’ve actually said that to him before).

7. Check tarnished relationships – yes, yes and YES. Troublesome family members and/or old “friends” will drive a wedge between you if you allow them to. Sometimes it’s unintentional, but sometimes, it’s not. I’ve learned, from my own experiences, that some people just can’t stand it when others are happy. For whatever reasons, whether it’s their own unhappiness, or their own relationships that have gone sour, some people take great delight in trying to separate two good people.

That’s why Kevin and I have absolutely no desire to reconnect with old flames on Facebook. I’ve had an old boyfriend try to “friend” me several times on Facebook and each time, I just ignore him. It’s not that I’m not curious to hear how he’s doing, but I just don’t want to go down that road to find out. The road to old relationships is closed to me and to Kevin. It’s just not worth the potential problems it might cause.

We’ve been blessed with some pretty awesome families, so we haven’t had problems with family members trying to cause trouble, but I know there are a lot of people out there that DO have problems with family members, (and this includes children!!), and when it comes to your marriage, you just have to either work it out or snip it off. Harsh? Perhaps. But keeping a marriage strong requires commitment from both parties and that includes forming a strong alliance against potential trouble makers.

8. Keep it maintained – Marriage is a constant work in progress. You can’t work really hard on your marriage one day and then sit back and think, “I’m done! I have a good marriage!” It doesn’t work that way, unfortunately. Things change, people change, emotions vary, every day is a unique challenge and some days are harder than others.

But let me give you a piece of advice, from a veteran wife – it all starts with YOU. Change your attitude and your expectations first, and then go from there. Trust me. 🙂

Click over to Marriage Gems for many valuable links to some pretty awesome (and helpful) marriage information sites and ebooks.

UPDATE: Just read an interesting, raw and honest post about marriage. I love it when people self-analyze and are honest with themselves.

Life-condensed

The Facebook Song

Here is another nephew showing off his talents. He’s a great singer, in fact, his whole family is musically talented.

He’s currently living in New Zealand trying to get on as an extra for The Hobbit movie. How fun would that be?? How brave does one have to be for to go on that adventure?? Can you imagine traveling to a strange country to pursue your dream?

He has my utmost respect.