Funny, random stuff

April Fools’ Pranks

Happy April’s Fool Day!

I don’t really get into April Fools’ (especially now that the boys are older and usually catch on right away), but I found some funny pranks that I thought I would pass on to you in case you want to pull a fast one on a co-worker or a loved one.

Forgetful
Tape magnets to the bottom of an empty coffee cup, and attach it to the top of your car. Laugh at all the people who frantically try to get your attention as you drive by.

Wild Flowers
Buy some fake but realistic-looking flowers from a craft store and “plant” them in your victim’s garden. They will be shocked to find they have a greener thumb than they thought!

Invisible Ink
Go into the victim’s office and locate every pencil and pen in their desk. Paint the tips with clear nail polish. When they try to write, none of them will work. (After the prank is revealed, the nail polish can be removed by dipping the pens and pencils in polish remover.)

Kidnapped
Take an item from the victim’s office (something they use a lot such as a special coffee cup, stapler, pencil cup, etc.). Take a picture of the item and leave it on the victim’s desk (in the same spot where the item was located), along with a “ransom” note.

Clipped
Make some copies of a paperclip. Then put them into the paper tray of the copier. People will go nuts trying to find the paperclip stuck in the printer.

Filed Away
Take a tape recorder and fast forward a blank tape about half-way. Then record yourself saying “Hey, let me out of here!”, then knock on the tape recorder with your knuckles. Let the tape run a bit more and repeat as many times as you want. Now, rewind the tape, and hide it a file cabinet or other piece of furniture. Right before you know your victim will be in the area by themselves, sneak in a press “PLAY”.

Document Panic
Has your victim been working on an important document on their computer? Carefully hide the document in a safe place, then create a fake document with the same name. Fill the document with gobbledy-gook or a funny story. At the bottom put “April Fool’s!”

Incorrect
If the victim uses Microsoft Word, go into the victim’s computer and change the auto-correct feature so it misspells common words. Just open Word, choose “AutoCorrect Options” from the Tools menu, and have it replace common words like “the” and “and” with wacky words like “eggplant” or “Uranus.” Be creative.

Away From Home
Change the victim’s homepage to something unexpected. Open their browser and choose Tools->Options and enter the URL for a new page.

You can find many more “harmless” pranks at http://aprilfoolzone.com. Have fun!

P.S. I just noticed that, according to Grammar Girl, the correct spelling is:

http://twitter.com/#!/GrammarGirl/status/53486198152380417

Politics

A Rather Dramatic Parable About Liberals

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green…’

ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.”

Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper’s sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government GreenCzar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug-related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY: DO NOT VOTE FOR LIBERALS/PROGRESSIVES EVER AGAIN.

Abundant Life

Audio Teaching: Highlights from Live Out Loud – Part 2

by John Schoenheit / Ryan Maher
This second tape/CD in the two-part set includes two powerful teachings from the 2005 Live Out Loud Teens & Twenties Conference that are sure to speak to your heart: John Schoenheit (Resolutions) and Ryan Maher (What Can You Give?).

Click the arrow to listen.

Check out Truth or Tradition teachings on:

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Reflections

RemembeRED: Sour Milk

Every Tuesday, The Red Dress Club gives us a prompt to, well, “prompt” us to remember something from our childhood/youth.

This week’s prompt: Kindergarten

Her name was Mrs. Bacon.

For some reason, I remember my kindergarten’s teacher’s last name, but I don’t remember what I had for dinner last night. Or maybe I remember her name because we’re scheduled to have breakfast tonight, and bacon is on the menu.

Whatever works, I suppose.

She was tall, or maybe she just seemed tall because I was only five years old at the time, everyone and everything seemed tall to me back then (though I don’t know, I’ve always been tall for my age, so chances are she wasn’t as tall to me as she was to other kids), and she was skinny.

She had a shag hairstyle with pointy lady sideburns – If I had her as a teacher in say, middle school, I might have thought she was a lesbian. She wasn’t, but she had a boyish frame and a boy haircut – you can see where I might make that leap.

She was nice, which is probably the real reason I remember her. She made school fun. School WAS fun until the fourth grade and Mrs. Hill.

*shudder*

Let’s not talk about Mrs. Hill.

We sat at round tables and we used a lot of crayons. The smell of crayons, to this day, reminds me of kindergarten.

I remember those little half-pint milk cartons and how we had milk every day at snack time , and how every day, I would force myself to drink the rank stuff because even though it smelled sour and tasted like warm cottage cheese, I drank it to please Mrs. Bacon, so she would like me – that was back in the days when I cared what people thought of me.

Those days didn’t last long.

I remember toys, in cubby holes, that we were allowed to play with if we behaved. I don’t remember really learning anything in kindergarten, but I do remember learning to get along with other children, which I suppose was the reason for kindergarten back in those days. Now you can’t even get into kindergarten if you don’t know your letters, numbers and how to write your name.

Screw socialization.

I want to say I went to half-day kindergarten, but I can’t be sure. I know half-day kindergarten was more readily accessible back in those days, now full days are expected, and sometimes required, after completing two years of preschool.

And yet, America is still behind in educational skills. You would think putting our children into a school-like structure at such a young age would give them a head start, but alas, the system breaks down somewhere in the middle school range.

Now we’re talking about making our children stay in school longer and dumping more money into our educational system when that’s not where the problem lies, our educational problems lie in an ineffective government and their insistence on taking over nearly every aspect of our lives.

But I digress.

I remember wearing dresses to kindergarten. My mom made a lot of our clothes and I was always wearing something pretty to school. I also remember her pulling my hair back really tight to keep it out of my face. Sort of like this picture … or maybe I’m remembering the tight ponytails because of this picture.

However that works, I suppose.

I remember kindergarten being an age of innocence, of being happy, of being a carefree child … as kindergarten should be remembered for every child.

Flash Fiction

Flash Fiction: Deviation

writing prompt: Deviation – meaning: noticeable or marked departure from accepted norms of behavior

“So. How long has it been since you … you know.”

Olivia shrugged. “A while. I think I’m over it.”

Valerie scowled. “Liar. I don’t believe you. Let me see your legs.”

Olivia’s eyes widened before hardening into chips of graphite. “No.”

Her roommate reached over and pulled up her pant leg before Olivia could stop her.

Her hard voice negated her slow smile. “So instead of cutting, you’re writing on yourself now?”

Again, she shrugged. “There’s less clean up.”

Valerie snorted. “You need help, girl.”

“And you don’t?” Olivia shot back. “When is your next tattoo scheduled?” she asked.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Valerie snapped back and glared at her.

It was Olivia’s turn to say it. “Liar. All I have to do is pull out your planner and see when your next appointment is. You write everything down. It’s almost a sickness with you.”

“One of many,” Valerie murmured and then shrugged. “Fine. I have one scheduled for next Friday.”

Olivia sputtered a bitter laugh. “Good God, where? Nearly every square inch of your body is covered.”

“I’ll find some space,” Valerie shot back.

The girls glared at each other for long, tense moments before they both relaxed at the same time and started laughing.

“Geez, we’re a pair, aren’t we? We could keep a shrink in business for years.”

Olivia shrugged. “We cope. You hide behind your tattoos; I manifest my emotional pain into physical pain.”

“Hell, who needs a shrink!”

They laughed.

_______________________________

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Fiction under 250 words.

Inspired by this and this Post Secret.