A to Z Challenge

F is For Fractious

Definition of FRACTIOUS
1: tending to be troublesome : unruly
2: quarrelsome, irritable

(This is definitely me … most some days).

I saw this word used in a comment yesterday on a post about how mom bloggers seem to be getting more and more hateful toward one another (going so far as to actually create “hate” sites where the sole purpose of said site is to trash talk other bloggers – sheesh people, get a life) as time marches on and as newbies jump on the blogging bandwagon, and I had to look it up. Actually, I sort of guessed what the meaning was in the context, but I was curious enough to get the “official” meaning.

And since the topic of the post I found this word on has always sort of fascinated me, let’s talk about it. Or rather, I’ll write my thoughts out and you can read them. (Or not. Totally your call. If not, thanks for stopping around and see you around the virtual water cooler).

I’ve been blogging for six years now. I guess you could call me an “old timer” and not just in the blogging sense: I’m most likely older than most women bloggers out there. (I’m 45. Nope. Don’t have a problem disclosing my age). Something happens when you get older – you just don’t care what people think.

And that’s my stance on this whole back-biting, jealously-ridden, superficial-driven blogging world.

I. Don’t. Care. What. People. Think. About. Me.

Would I LIKE people to like me? Of course! I’m a likeable person, quite honestly, but let’s get real, I can’t please everyone and I’m not everyone’s cuppa tea. I’m opinionated, I’m passionate, I’m arrogant and I’m a realist. Of course I care about people and issues, but I know where to draw the line. I’ve learned, over the years, that you simply CAN NOT please everyone so here’s what I’m thinking – why try?

I’m as honest with you folks as I can possibly (and safely) be given the venue. If it’s on this blog, then you can bet your bottom dollar that I wouldn’t have a problem discussing it in real life. (I might be a tad embarrassed because you don’t exactly go around and share your intestinal issues with just anyone, but if anyone asked, I’d tell them).

That’s my rule of thumb.

I also try and keep it fair whenever I’m writing about an issue. Being fair is hard and I like the challenge. Sometimes, (and it’s rare, but it happens), I’ll present the other side of an argument and it actually changes my overall opinion. I like bringing up all sides of an issue because I think it helps me (and any readers out there) put myself in another person’s shoes. I often think that’s the number one missing element when it comes to blogging and judgy people – empathy.

Are there people out there that dislike me? I’m quite sure there are. Do I lose any sleep over that knowledge?

Nope. Cause life is too precious and way too short to worry about what people think about me.

So I guess I have a little trouble understanding why people get so upset about the “haters.” There will always be haters – always. It’s inevitable. Why waste a moment fretting about it? Move on. Ignore them. Let me then wallow in their pathetic pool of hate. Who cares?

This is something I’ve never understood about women – the whole obsessing over what people think about them. Sure. I had moments when I obsessed … BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL. But I learned, at an early age, that the energy required for such negativity? Was simply not worth it. I prefer to pour my energies into something a bit more productive, like LIFE. This gossipy, “he said, she said” mentality has ALWAYS gotten on my nerves. From day one. I’ve never understood why people (women) just don’t shrug it off and move on. A friend stabbed you in the back? Ouch. It hurts, of course, but chock it up to experience and move on. Don’t obsesses about it. Don’t try and over analyze it. There are some people who will never be happy, no matter what happens. There will always be people who are jealous of one another. And some people are just assholes.

Move on.

There are some women who worry that all of the haters will affect their sponsors and hurt their business plan. Not if those same women rise above the pettiness and show the world what it’s like to be classy. Again. Who cares what these people think?

Ignore them. Trolls liked to be fed – starve them of the attention they so desperately seek. Is it easy? Of course not! We’re human, we’re not made of stone. But chock it up to an exercise in civility and maturity and forget about them.

I love being a woman, but this aspect of my gender just grates on my last nerve. I won’t participate in this sort of trash talk or clicky group crap because it’s stupid and immature; I would rather surround myself with happy, well-adjusted, funny, easy-going women who know what they want in life.

I’ll pass on what’s left over.

P.S. Just read this wonderful post about “Wrecking the Blogging Community” by Temerity Jane. I rather like this blogger. We could be friends, I think.

I’m participating in the A to Z challenge. You can sign up for the challenge here. Just post something every day with the appropriate letter (except for Sundays), and then submit your link to one of the hosts and don’t forget to visit other participants! Also, you can find other A to Z participants on Twitter via the #atozchallenge hashtag. (Keep your posts short – not more than 500 words – to make it easy on visitors. I think there were about 1100 participants the last time I checked).