This was published on my blog last year. I thought it might be worth another read. 🙂
So, how was your Valentine’s Day? We? Did absolutely nothing.
And I’m absolutely okay with that. Not to sound cliché or sickeningly sweet, but every day is Valentine’s Day in my marriage. And that’s mainly because we MAKE it that way. It’s a conscious decision and most times, it’s hard work, but it has paid off in spades over the years.
We’re still together (nearly 20 years) and going strong, so we must be doing something right. Which is sort of funny considering neither one of us has a clue what we’re doing. 😀
Kevin and I woke up yesterday, kissed, said “I love you,” and went about our day. That was the extent of our Valentine’s Day to each other. Actually, we do that every day and that’s my point – we show each other we love each other every day. We not only say it, we SHOW it.
Did you know that love is not just a feeling? It’s “an unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.” And when you love someone, it’s important to SHOW them how much you love them.
Personally, I think the whole concept of love has been diluted over the years. The concept of love has been thrown around so much that people have become immune to what it really means.
“I LOVE her hair.”
Well actually, you don’t. You LIKE her hair, a lot.
“I LOVE chocolate.”
Really? Don’t you mean you LIKE chocolate more than many other kinds of sweets?
“I LOVE winter.”
How can you love a season? Don’t you mean you LIKE winter perhaps more than the other seasons?
“I LOVE my car.”
Does your car LOVE you back? (If you answered yes, then you might seek professional help). Don’t you really mean, you LIKE the car you’re driving more than the other cars you’ve driven in the past?
Love is in relationships, not things. When people say they love someTHING, it actually demeans the meaning of pure LOVE. I know it’s just a saying, but the more we hear how people LOVE things, the more we become desensitized to what love really IS.
I was lurking on Twitter yesterday, just idly watching people update their statuses, and it truly bothered me the number of women who were all, “What did you GET for Valentine’s Day?” And then they went about comparing the material value of such-and-such gift.
Or worse, the women who bemoaned the fact that they didn’t GET anything, or what they GOT was ONLY such-and-such.
Have we really reduced love to material things? Do we really equate the dollar value of a gift to how much someone loves us?
I find that incredibly sad.
Now granted, some complained because their husbands (wives?) didn’t even acknowledge Valentine’s Day and yes, that’s sad and aggravating. But I’d like to pose a question to those that complained – did THEY themselves acknowledge the day with their spouse? You have to give love to receive love.
What’s that famous quote by Tolstoy?
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
If you want to be treated a certain way, then you must treat the people around you the same way. And that goes doubly for your spouse.
This lesson has taken me YEARS to learn. I used to get so irritated with Kevin when he didn’t make a big deal out of Valentine’s Day. Like I expected him to stuff that one day with every possible feeling of love he’s ever had for me in the past year to the point where his feelings would nearly explode from the pressure. Somehow THAT would prove to me that he loved me.
When in fact, he had been showing me the other 364 days of the year that he loved me, I was just too stupid and clueless to see it. He showed me by mowing the grass, by cooking dinner, by loading the dishwasher, by taking me to lunch, by listening to me, by giving me the last bite of cake, by …
You get the picture. Love is about SO MUCH MORE than feelings, it’s about DOING.
I think my marital expectations changed whenever I learned that valuable little nugget.
Oh sure, it’s great to have that ONE day to show your loved one how much you love them, but I think we all need to adjust our expectations and only view it as a reminder, a gentle nudge not to take each other for granted, an excuse to go out to dinner and enjoy each others company as opposed to the be-all-end-all definition of how one feels for each other.
And it’s certainly about so much more than flowers and/or fancy gifts and then bragging about the monetary value.
I think, and this is just my opinion of course, that some people are so bitter about Valentine’s Day because they truly don’t understand what love really is.
Love is a VERB.
Think about it.
Make it a goal to turn every day into Valentine’s Day in your relationship. You’ll LOVE the results, trust me.
Write From Karen 