Determined to Live Normally

When I wake up in the morning, one of the first places I check is Facebook.

And today, one of my friends posted a video.

About driving safely.

She posted it because she works with teens and she wanted something to remind teens to take driving seriously and to be safe.

I understand her reasons for posting it, but it was if she were speaking directly to me.

I won’t post the video – it’s honestly too upsetting. In fact, after watching it, I cried, hard, for a full fifteen minutes. It was an ugly, silent, uncontrollable, gut-wrenching cry that ended with a pounding headache.

The video was very graphic. It showed people being thrown from cars, smashed into poles and trees, crushed between obstacles, and thrown from motorcycles.


I would like to think I’ve done a pretty good job at keeping my mental health under control throughout Kevin’s accident. I’ve been strong. Yes. I’ve had moments when I broke down and temporarily lost it (his surgeries were the worst moments for me), but overall, I’m proud of myself for keeping my cool.

But when I watched that video this morning, that thread of control I’ve been so careful to keep from unraveling over these past several months, snapped.

There was a time period, shortly after the accident, where I would close my eyes and picture Kevin hurling through the air. I felt his fear. And it made me sick to think of him lying on that road, broken, alone and wishing for his family to comfort him.

I believe that’s one of the reasons I didn’t sleep much when we were in Columbia. Like a section from an old movie that had been spliced out, frames from his accident would play over and over and I just couldn’t bare reliving it through my mind’s eye.

It bothers me that I wasn’t there. That I didn’t have the chance to hold his hand, pray with him, soothe him until help arrived. We do everything together – it’s rare that we’re not together. And to think I wasn’t there to help him in some way …

Now you know I’m strong, but I’m not invincible. I’ve had my moments when I’ve broken down and cried my heart out. I’ve had moments when I felt sorry for Kevin, for myself, for time lost. But we’re bouncing back. Our lives were only interrupted; we’re slowly getting back to normal.

Through God’s grace, we’re pulling through this. And I’m confident that one day, we’re all going to look back on this time period and find it hard to believe that it even happened. Our lives will resume and we will have triumphed over Satan’s attack.

Because WE WILL triumph.

I think that’s a large part of why Kevin and I are so determined to go on this vacation. Yes. It will be work. Yes. It will likely be difficult for Kevin. But we will NOT allow Satan to win. Period.

And that’s evident in Kevin’s attitude, too.

He has reached the point where he is sick to death of this entire situation. So, he’s refusing to allow it to slow him down.

Case in point: That picture above.

Tuesday, I was sitting at my computer when I heard the door open and close. I didn’t think too much about it, though I did think it was strange that one of the boys would have gone outside. (Our boys rarely get up from their computer chair, let alone voluntarily go outside).

Five minutes later, I peeked outside to see who was out there and what he was doing.

To my utter surprise, it was Kevin. And he was picking up tree limbs that had blown down from the last summer storm.

I nervously watched him. He nearly lost his balance a few times, but overall, he did great. I wanted to help him, but I sensed that my help would not be welcomed. I watched him for several minutes before stepping outside. He was all smiles. It’s such a relief to him that his life is getting back to normal. He’ll be out there again, shovel in hand, sitting on his walker seat, just waiting to kill moles next.

Mark. My. Words.

We also got Kevin into his truck on Tuesday, too. I fired it up (it hadn’t been driven in two months) and we drove around for a bit. Again, he was all smiles. He loved being able to ride in his truck again.

In fact … the PT he saw yesterday said that he should be able to drive again, if he felt up to it. He suggested we go to a parking lot and see how it goes.

So, we’ll probably go to a parking lot this weekend and see how it goes. Kevin said that he’s pretty confident he can drive, but he is wondering how his reaction time will be. Though we’ll test drive this weekend, I have a feeling he won’t feel ready to drive yet for several more weeks.

Then again, this man is constantly surprising me, so who knows.

The PT also gave him some sort of contraption that he attaches to his shoe. It’s supposed to help keep his right foot in the correct position. He has been having problems with being able to lift his right foot – they call it a foot drop – so they gave him this contraption to help him loosen the muscles in his ankle so he will have more flexibility.

So life is moving along for us. Kevin truly is getting better and better. He does have days when he’s more tired than others, but don’t we all? He’s only taking three pain pills a day now, which is pretty remarkable considering it’s only been eleven weeks since the accident.

But I’m blessed. I’m married to a very strong and very determined man and I thank God for him every day.

Every. Day.


How to Have a Happy Marriage

May was our anniversary month.

Kevin and I have been married for 20 years now.

Twenty. Years.

But we didn’t get to do anything exciting for our anniversary for a number of reasons:

1. He was involved in motor cycle accident and he was physically unable to leave the house.

2. We redid our kitchen in March, which we agreed would be part of our gift to each other.

3. We planned a family vacation (which we’ll be taking in a few weeks) back in January and again, agreed that it would be part of our gift to each other.

Anyway …

I saw this video on Dr. Laura’s YouTube channel and thought it would be a fun, and cute, segway to a recap post for the 10-day Love Dare “workshop” I hosted last year in May. (What can I say – May equals LOVE for me).

(By the way, NEVER stop flirting. Seriously. It’s fun and puts a creative and exciting spark in your marriage).

In case you’re just tuning in, the 10-day Love Dare challenge was all about DARING YOU to make your marriage stronger. I personally believe that too many people (mainly women) have been brainwashed into believing that marriage is all about THEM and about what THEY want and need from a relationship when in fact, it’s not.

At all.

It’s about co-existing with another human being and learning to adapt and change to various circumstances over the years. It’s about training yourself to LIVE love, not just FEEL love.

Can you honestly say you’re the same person you were when you got married? Can you honestly say your spouse is?

I’m betting – no.

Anyway, if you’re interested in reading more about the challenge, and my experiences with the challenge, you can click on the links below.

Love is patient: Day One
Love is kind: Day Two
Love is not selfish: Day Three
Love is thoughtful: Day Four
Love is not rude: Day Five
Love believes the best: Day Six
Love is not jealous: Day Seven
Love fights fair: Day Eight
Love takes delight: Day Nine
Love vs. lust: Day Ten

It was a lot of work writing all of that, and it’s even more work LIVING it. Having a perfect marriage is not realistic, but a happy marriage is certainly possible – and it all starts with YOU.

I would like to continue this “series” by offering up advice and stories from my own marriage. Though our marriage is FAR FROM PERFECT, we’re happy, because we both made a conscious effort to work at it. Being happily married is simply not handed to you, it’s a lot of work, from BOTH sides and it’s a two-way street – there are no one-way streets in a HAPPY marriage.

Anyway, I thought this might be a good place to start this whole relationship series of posts and I hope that by reading about my experiences or listening to my own personal advice, it inspires you to keep working toward improving your own marriage.

Good luck and thanks for reading.