Friday Fun, Relationships

Having Dad Around Just Adds Up

Not just DADS, but MEN, too!
Not just good DADS, but good MEN, too!
What exactly is Dad Blogs?

Dad Blogs is a site based on the vision of two dads with one goal in mind — to make the internet a better place for Dad Bloggers. Dad Blogs was born out of necessity. Both of the creators of DB were tired of browsing through parenting blogs and being assaulted with page after page of feminine ad campaigns and badges for mom blogging networks without ever seeing a male alternative.

Actually, I had assumed (because I just now read the about page – I’m a dweeb like that) that the Dad Blogs’ community was all about edifying dads in general.

But building a community of Dad bloggers is good, too. 🙂

So, now I’m confused. Is it okay to brag about the dads in my life? I hope so, because that’s what I’m going to do.

(I’m a bit of a rebel like that. *smile*)

I think men get a bad rap. And I think dads get an even worse rap.

And by bad rap, I mean this whole crazy notion that it’s not necessary to have a man in one’s life in order to have children.

Perhaps it’s not necessary in the mother’s life, but it sure as hell is necessary in the child’s life.

Once again, it’s all about what is good for the SELF and not what’s good for OTHERS.

I can’t tell you how sick and tired I am of this attitude, people.

Now I’m talking about normal situations – where the woman has chosen to have the baby without involving the father. Or has chosen to exclude the father in someway, whether that’s a physical exclusion or an emotional exclusion. I’m not talking about situations where the father is abusive or detrimental to the overall family unit. Or where the father has decided to reject the mother/child. (His loss)

That’s an entirely different ballgame.

No, I’m talking about the general assumption that fathers are somehow an afterthought — that they don’t really matter in the overall scheme of things. As long as the WOMAN is fulfilled and satisfied, then screw the dads. And the kids? Will be fiiiine. Don’t worry about them.

That ideology makes me grind my teeth in irritation.

Fathers are important to children. They bring insight, balance and a unique perspective that is necessary for children to absorb. It’s taken me years of reconditioning my way of thinking to believe that, but after 19 years of marriage and two boys later, I’m convinced my life, and my boys’ lives, would not be what they are today if Kevin hadn’t been in the picture.

And he nearly wasn’t. But that’s a story that must never be told.

There I go, off on a tangent again. Can you tell the topics I’m passionate about? I apologize if this seems all “in your face”, but there are just some things that I think need to be said.

Let me give you an example of how important Kevin is to my boys and how NOT having him around would have changed their lives – and not for the better.

Grade cards came in the mail yesterday.

Kevin had come home for lunch (he’s so good about eating leftovers for lunch everyday – me? Not so much. But then again, I rarely eat that much for lunch anyway) when he handed me two envelopes addressed to the boys.

(I have no idea why he does this – I guess because anything to do with the kids is somehow my responsibility. Wait, that bit of sarcasm was unfair. If he had kept, and opened, the envelopes without telling me first, I probably would have gotten annoyed with him. The man can’t win. See how difficult we are to get along with sometimes, ladies?)

I held my breath and opened them.

I don’t know why I always get so nervous whenever I take a peek at the boys’ grades. The school district has this nifty (and totally cool, I might add!) online database where I can access my sons’ grades and assignments at any time so there is rarely an unpleasant surprise when it comes to grades anymore. But still … I’ve lived through too many last-minute disasters to completely relax, I suppose.

No surprises. Well, there were a few classes that I wasn’t sure how they did on their finals, but the overall results? Not bad. They could have done better, but what kind of mom would I be if I didn’t feel the urge to push them juuuuust a bit more?

But considering they handled their classes, on their own and with virtually no help from us, is saying quite a bit.

They are so much smarter than I give them credit for.

There is one exception to this subject praise, though; Math.

The boys have had to have help with Math since 1st grade – when they were first introduced to Calculus.

I kid. But not by much.

And that’s always been Kevin’s department because when God handed out the ability to analyze equations and solve for X – I was too busy curling my hair to have received it.

In short – I. Am. TERRIBLE. At. Math.

Go ahead, tease me. My guys do. And they are fully justified.

I can honestly say, and with absolute certainty, that if Kevin hadn’t been around to help these boys with their math over the years, my children would have ended up on the IEP program.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But I know, in my heart, I would have helped put them in that situation simply because I lack the intelligence to help them in this one area.

But being thankful that Kevin was around to help with math goes WAY beyond actually working the problems — I’m grateful that he taught them patience, perseverance and the importance of applying certain applications to real-life scenarios.

So those decent grades in math? The ones they earned all by their lonesome with only minimal help from dad this year? Is largely due to the lessons that Kevin taught them.

It all goes back to the different perspective thing I wrote about earlier.

Kevin is such a great father, in so many ways – both large and small – that I simply can not imagine, I cannot fathom, what sort of life the boys would have had without him in their lives.

Children miss SO MUCH when dad’s not around.

(word count: 1075)


2 thoughts on “Having Dad Around Just Adds Up”

  1. “Perhaps it’s not necessary in the mother’s life, but it sure as hell is necessary in the child’s life. ”

    You hit the naill.
    But’s a ticking Bomb.

    Here in Norway, where allmost every child goes to Kindergarten: They meet only adult females.

    In Primary School: They meet allmost only adult females. And as you said: They can’t Math.

    This happens all over in the Western World. The Chinese beat us piece of Cake.

    etc etc.

    Males – even not for mating.
    But when it comes to repairing a Car, plumbing, electricity and heavy work – they are useful – like old times working horses.

    Bright Future?

    Excellent post

  2. I definitely do not understand how people can think that a father’s presence isn’t important to the child – it’s so important – that two person mother / father dynamic is, in my opinion, crucial to raising a well balanced child and if it’s a feasible option, it should definitely be done!

    Of course fathers in my mind have always rocked – having been raised by a single dad – and my husband is equally amazing. I’d feel awful if my son had to go through life without his father’s involvement. Especially when math and science lessons roll around because yeah – I won’t be much help there.

    There are so many awful situations out there – fathers who won’t be involved or shouldn’t be – and the same goes for mothers – but if you aren’t in that situation, it just seems cruel to not allow both parents to be involved.

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