Dear Diary

Dear Diary: You Should Have Known

dear_diary Dear Diary:

You should have known. You should have known that putting any kind of restrictions on me would backfire – pronto.

Here I was, consistently writing and posting, day-in, day-out, sometimes twice, even THREE times a day, just cranking out the word count when BAM – I had to go and put a restriction on myself by posting that dad-blasted 1,000 words a day button in the sidebar.

Now, I feel OBLIGATED to write 1,000 words a day and guess what?! I’m completely blank. Not one word, not one letter, not even a DOT of an idea is forming in my head.

Well, this sucks rocks.

Tough. I will trudge forward. I am a professional (it says so, right here on this fancy piece of paper) and I WILL persevere. I will do what any professional does when he/she gets too overwhelmed with self-imposed responsibilities – I will ignore you.

Button? What button?

Anyway …

I had lunch with Kevin yesterday. I love going to lunch with him. It gets me out of the house. It’s our private time.

And I get to bask in his dressed-up-professional-handsome glory.

*sigh* I miss dressing up to go to work every day.

We ate at Qdoba. I had my usual grilled veggie burrito (my favorite! I’d marry it if I wasn’t already married!) and he had his usual … er … burrito (damn, the name escapes me right this minute).

He talked about work. I listened. There could be some big-time changes for him in his professional life and I’m not sure how I feel about that. On one hand – wow. The responsibility. On the other hand – wow. The responsibility.

Of course, if I wasn’t aware that I had the Internet looking over my shoulder, reading this entry, then I might be able to go into details, but suffice it to say – it’s a good thing we are people who can roll with the punches.

Just sayin’.

We talked about our cruise. Duh. It’s coming up fast and we’re really excited. The kids are excited – I think. It’s hard to tell what is up with them right now seeing as how they’ve turned into these video game/computer zombies. They have been glued to their seats ever since school got out and it’s really starting to bother me. Do they really not have any other interest other than video games/computer?

And why does that bother me SO much? After all, they are only living by my example considering I’m on my computer so much of the day blogging, writing and oh yeah, working.

*sigh* Perhaps I’m uncomfortable with them being on their games/computers so much because when I look at them, I’m really looking at an aspect of myself and I’m thinking I’m not liking that aspect very much?

I don’t know. That’s too deep for me right now. I don’t want to think about it.

So, the cruise thing. Yeah, we’re excited. And I think it’s affecting Kevin’s attitude because he’s just been so … on edge lately. I think it’s largely due to the fact that he knows he’s about to have an entire week off, in the sun and fun and that food will be available to him 24/7 (food is always SUCH a big deal when we go on vacation. Not to me, but when you have three boys …)

I remember I always used to sort of hate vacations when I was working – the anticipation of going just threw me off rhythm for weeks beforehand and then I had such a sucky attitude for a few weeks afterward because HELLO!? Who wants to come back to work after having so much fun WITHOUT it?

So yeah, I can understand his attitude and I’m trying to adjust by walking on eggshells.

And we BOTH know how much I hate walking on eggshells. Been there, done that – caused major problems.

After lunch, I went shopping.

It was an accident, quite frankly. I had just dropped him back off at work and I was thinking about the cruise when I realized, with a jolt of surprise, that I only had a short time left before we had to leave and *gasp*, I didn’t have anything to wear for the formal nights!!

I believe I mentioned, (didn’t I?) that the only party dresses I own are the crushed black velvet kind?

Right. Think Elvis painting.

They’re terribly dated, immature and quite hideous, now that I think about them.

So, um, yeah, picture this – a 43-year old woman walking in with her dashingly handsome husband and sons dressed to the nines in their dress slacks and ties and me – a walking Elvis painting.

Gag me with a spoon.

I’m sure I would have been part of many funny, memorable vacation moments for a lot of folks.

So yeah, I panicked. I dropped by Dillards – just to take a quick look.

I should have known it would be an expensive quick look.

I was impressed by the sheer number of dresses to look through. They had devoted an entire corner of the store to party dresses so right off the bat, I became dizzy. Where do I even start?!

So, I did what I always do when I go shopping, I started with the mannequins. I figure if the mannequins have on something that I like, then chances are, the surrounding clothes might be a good place to start.

And I wasn’t disappointed.

I tried on several dresses and quite frankly, I was very pleased that I fit into my size so comfortably. All of the working out had definitely paid off. Granted, I hadn’t actually lost a size, but at least the size I was comfortable wearing was loose on me – and that’s all I had really been going for anyway.

I knew, as soon as I tried it on, it was THE ONE. It fit perfectly. And it was classy, yet flirty. And I felt pretty in it. And I LOVED the cowl back – so sexy.

I bought it.

I couldn’t remember if our cruise had one or two formal nights, so I came home, looked it up on their website – two formal nights.

Crap. Would it be tacky to wear the same dress again?

I went back out to Macy’s to see what they had.

I was disappointed as their selection wasn’t NEARLY as grand as Dillards, but I did happen to find another dress, totally NOT me but one I liked instantly.

Isn’t that strange?

Well here, I took a picture of them.


The black one has a lace bodice and a cowl back:

Isn’t that sexy?!

And I know, the flowery one – totally not me. But it’s linen and I thought the black strip on the bodice and skirt made it seem more dressy and I really wanted something cruise-y feeling, hence the tropical flair.

When I showed Kevin, he wasn’t all that enthused. But I was elated, I felt comfortable with my selections (well, I am still wondering a bit about the flowery one) and he totally popped my bubble by taking a look at the size.


That made me mad. What difference does it make what size it is?! I’m an Amazon woman – get over it!!

I don’t know why he insists on making me out to be this petite woman – it will never happen. It’s physically impossible.

But after cooling my heels for a bit, I started thinking about it. I think he was just curious because he wanted to know my size and weight. After all, my size and weight are more closely guarded than state secrets.

(Which, now that I think about it, aren’t really all that closely guarded anymore, are they).

I modeled them for him and when he saw them on me, I think he actually liked them a bit more. I honestly think one of the biggest reasons he wasn’t too enthusiastic about my dresses was because I had to spend money in order to buy them.

And ya’ll KNOW me, I don’t LIKE spending money either, but when it comes time to enter that dining room, and he sees how all of the other women put me to shame on what they’re wearing and that I will at least look halfway decent, I think he’ll get over the sticker shock.

I do feel guilty though. And trust me when I say, I’ll wear these dresses every chance I get and will likely not buy anything else like this for another ten years (which was the last time I bought any sort of party dress).

Now … to find some dress slacks for the boys …

(UPDATE: I returned the flowery dress. I just didn’t think it was formal enough. So now … I’m on the hunt for another formal dress. Aargh!)

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