Life

Building a Relationship Online

(Apparently, I’m over my “hide from the world” funk. *grin*)

onlinedating I mentioned that my in-laws came over to visit Sunday.

And while catching up on family news, they mentioned that one of my nephews, M, had just gotten back from visiting his girlfriend …

… his Internet girlfriend …

… in Canada …

… for the first time, even though they had been chatting online via Skype for months.

Does anyone find that strange?

I have to tell you , I don’t.

Well, I was a little surprised that M went all the way to Canada to meet her simply because it’s Canada – hello! That’s a long way away. And M is only what, 19?

But the fact that he met someone special over the ‘net? I’m not all that surprised.

I’m about 90% certain that if I wasn’t married, that if I hadn’t met Kevin when I did and I didn’t have a significant other in my life today, I would most likely be one of those people who wasted boo-coo hours on the ‘net chatting, and flirting, with men. To me, it makes perfect sense.

First of all, it’s convenient. You don’t have to worry about looking your best, or if that huge pimple on the tip of your nose will be a turn off, or in my case, if the three inch scar in the middle of my forehead will cause a man to run screaming from the room (what, you didn’t notice my scar in the video memes? Look closer – see how my left eyebrow is sort of divided in half? Yeah, that would be my scar- long story).

And, you can chat at any time, even at work! (But don’t do that, that will most likely get you into trouble). So that means, you can connect with people outside your time zone, heck even with people from Canada! *grin*

And it’s cheaper than talking on the phone, no long-distance calls.

And another great thing about chatting online? You can edit your thoughts. You have that little window of time that you can go back and rewrite your conversation before you click on that “send” button so that you don’t sound like a total dweeb – like I normally do whenever I talk to people in real life (IRL).

But one of the most attractive aspects of meeting someone online for me? You have an opportunity to get to know the PERSON behind the BODY first. There are really no expectations other than finding some common interests to strike up a conversation – the expectations are still internal at this point, not external.

So many times, whenever you meet a person IRL, the connection, or the decision to pursue the relationship, is based solely on looks. And though that is certainly a large aspect of finding a romantic interest, just think of the wonderful people that are not being given a chance to be your friends simply because of external first impressions.

And hey, I’m totally guilty of that, too. I’ve had my fair share of dates where I knew, the instant I met them, whether they were boyfriend material or not. That’s just a natural chemical process.

But think of the people who get written off, without a decent chance, simply because of the way they look?

That’s why I think online chatting is a good thing, overall. Yes, it has drawbacks, and yes, it can get easy to get carried away with it, but overall, I think it’s a good opportunity to get to know people – assuming, of course, they are being straight to begin with. But that drawback comes with face-to-face interaction as well.

I often wonder if GD has chatted with very many girls online. He’s on there all the time, and he hangs out in one specific gaming chat room all the time. And occasionally, I hear girls talking in the room (because they get on their mics) and I wonder if he’s ever flirted with them. It’s such a strange feeling to think of my son having romantic interests, but come on people, he’s 16 1/2 now – it’s bound to happen sooner rather than later.

I also wonder how I would (will?) feel when he reaches legal age and he tells me he’s flying to Canada to meet a girl he’s been chatting with on Skype.

He already wants to go to Canada and meet a buddy of his that he’s been chatting with for over two years now. And though I’m intrigued by the idea, I’m thinking I may have to buy a ticket to go to Canada with him just so I can keep an eye on him because, well, I’m a control freak like that. (I’m going to have a heart attack when he reaches legal age and I can’t TELL him what to do anymore – *shudder*).

Of course, the same could be said for blind dating. Same risk, really. In fact, in some ways, blind dating is worse than meeting someone you’ve been chatting with online, at least online you’ve had SOME interaction with the person.

AND, chatting online saves so much time. I mean, you strike up a conversation, you find common interests, you chat for a while and then it comes time to exchange pictures. WoW! He/she is hot! Now comes the web cams (because it’s always nice to actually “see” them to make sure they really look the way they claim). There’s no getting dressed up, driving to a public place, waiting on pins and needles to see if he/she will show up – the decision to go out with someone is sort of an after thought because if someone reaches that stage, they pretty much know what to expect by that point.

So yes, I hope GD meets someone online. I think it might be an easier process for him than the traditional route.

Just as long as she lives close, and not in say, Canada, for instance.

*grin*

3 thoughts on “Building a Relationship Online”

  1. Bob and I met online as well and it was great getting to know the person before meeting the first time IRL. You’re right though… both people have to be honest and upright, or it won’t work. But, I think (unless they are REALLY good at it), if you talk online a long time with one another, then the real “them” is going to come through. You can’t wear a mask ALL the time…and it’s hard to keep up with what lies you might tell.

    Glad you are feeling more “social”…but I think we all have our “crawling into cave” days… I sure do!

  2. Interesting post indeed!

    I met my SO kind of through the net. I used to live in Sydney and travel down to Melbourne every year for a socialist conference, and had a brief encounter *grin* in a club after the event, then exhanged Facebook and other online details.

    So we kind of built the relationship online for a month before I went down to visit her again. Worked pretty well as I’m living with her now.

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