Friday Fun

Aloha Friday

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Aloha! Kailani is the brain-child behind this fun Friday meme. If you feel inclined to answer my question, please post your answer in the comment section. Sound fun? Of course it does! Want to answer more questions? Hop over to An Island Life and play along!

(Please feel free to answer the question below, even if you’re not playing Aloha Friday!)

My question:

What lessons do you hope to instill in your kids?

Courtesy and respect are the two most uppermost in my mind at the moment.

I’ve always taught my boys to be respectful and to put themselves in other people’s shoes, but here lately, Dude has been rather … self-serving.

I don’t know if it’s because he’s a teenager and teenagers just naturally think the world revolves around them, or if he honestly doesn’t know, or care (!), about being rude to others, but he insists on putting himself first.

Case in point:

We were at my nephew’s graduation party. And my sister-in-law and her family? Know a TON of people. They are very active in the homeschool community as well as with their church community and to say these people don’t know a stranger would be, well, accurate.

They know everyone. (It’s weird being out with them. Everyone stops to say hello to at least one of them).

Anyway, it was raining. Not storming, just a steady, heavy downpour. We hadn’t planned on staying very long because we knew their house would be crowded (boy, was it), and we wouldn’t know anyone there other than family (which we didn’t) and we didn’t want to get in anyone’s way and/or feel like the weirdos standing by themselves in the corner (which we were and did).

So, we congratulated my nephew, dropped off his card and were on our way out the door when we encountered a young woman carting a baby around in a car seat/baby carrier.

I opened the door for her and stood aside so she could enter smoothly and not have to stand out in the rain any longer than she needed to.

And my two boys (because Jazz is just as guilty), followed me out and in fact, had to squeeze past me and the woman with the baby, in order to exit the house.

I was so embarrassed that my two boys either didn’t KNOW not to step back and allow this poor woman by or didn’t CARE enough to step aside and allow the poor woman past.

I gave the woman an apologetic smile and we all sprinted to our car through the rain. As soon as we were in the car, I let the boys have it.

I gave them a pretty long lecture about respecting other people, women and ESPECIALLY a woman with her hands full of baby.

I thought they were so selfish and I was embarrassed that they behaved like five year olds instead of respectful, and mature, young men.

Jazz has gotten better about allowing people to pass him whenever the occasion arises, but Dude is still as selfish and clueless as ever. He has literally jostled me aside to get into the door first and each time this happens, believe you me, he hears about it.

The little stinker.

I haven’t decided if Dude just doesn’t think about it (which presents it’s own set of problems) or if he’s just so competitive that he subconsciously can’t stand the thought of anyone getting somewhere first before him.

I’m sort of leaning toward the competitive excuse because it seems to bother him when people pass him on the road, too.

There’s competitive, and then there’s rude. Either way, we have some work to do.

11 thoughts on “Aloha Friday”

  1. One of the things that has always bothered me was people who never say thank you or your welcome. So one thing I’ve done for sure was teach my son and daughterto say thank you and your welcome and then again respect is another one especially to their elders such as Aunts and Uncles, Grandparents and older friends ..

    I’m new to your website and have looked around for most of the last couple hours I’ve enjoyed it emensley I love to write short stories so I’m going to try that for sure but may I say I’ve never went to school or taken any writting classes I just jump in there and try try try , I do have a few followers who read them on my website but their mostly family.
    Oh by the way I answer to the name of Blue

  2. My 10 month old has a tendancy to get aggressive when she’s mad, so the big lesson right now is to be “gentle”. We’ll tackle the rest as they come.

  3. I try to instill honesty, respect for people and others things, good work ethics, money doesn’t grow on trees, take care of mother earth and MOMs Always Right!

  4. Well, LOL, my “kids” are now 29 & 30, and I hope that we instilled in them that it is important to be good, giving and caring human beings, to never give up – even through the tough times, and to know that life is not always fair, and that they WILL make it through the tough times when they arise!

  5. I’ve been teaching my boys about the ‘holding of the door’ thing. I’m so tired of walking up to a door and having some guy run me over trying to beat me to it….and NOT hold it open. Two weeks ago a 50ish guy saw me walking up to a door and jogged over to get there first then slipped in with no qualms about it whatsoever. Once inside I told my 9yo (loud enough for the guy to hear), ‘That is the best example of how not to act.” My son said, “Yea, that was kind of rude.” The guy just rolled his eyes. So sad.

  6. Nicely put, Rachel.

    And see? My boys act like 5-year olds sometimes. It just embarrasses the stuffing out of me. And they’re 14 and 16 – they should know better.

    Maybe they ARE clueless – but that’s still no excuse.

    I think Kevin needs to have a man-to-man talk with our boys.

  7. The two words I use in my house are kindness and respect. You show kindness and respect to both people and belongings. I teach my kids that kindness means thinking about others first, and being gentle with our toys. Respect for people is simply that – respecting their space, privacy, doing what is asked of you. Respect for belongings is taking care of toys, etc. by putting them away when not in use, not throwing things around the house, using things as intended, not writing on walls or furniture, jumping on couches, that kind of thing. It’s worked fairly well so far and those two words can be applied to almost any situation.

    It’s interesting that you had the issue with being first going through the doorway. My 5 year old always squeezes past people like that. Some of the time, it’s his desire to be first, but most of the time, he has no idea that anyone else is there. He has no awareness of other people and personal space. We’re working on it though. 🙂

  8. VERY good point, killpoke. How to respect individuals is definitely a blurred line nowadays – you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

    Our (young) men nowadays simply can’t win and I blame feminism for that one.

    It IS tough and unfortunately, I don’t have an answer to that. All I know is this: it’s my job to teach my sons to respect women (all people, actually) but to also be smart about it.

    Let’s face it – it doesn’t take much nowadays to get our young men into trouble. I think it’s equally important to teach our young ladies to act responsibly, too.

  9. I find this read odd,coming off the heals of a story in the news yesterday.
    As a young boy my parents taught us to be respectful, Using the term ‘ yes ma’am’ and ‘ yes sir’. In the military we are taught aggressively to respect our counters with the same ‘ yes ma’am’ yes sir’ according to rank of course
    But when I apply this respect at say the food store check out, the clerk she tells me not to use that phrase with her, ” Iam no old lady” she tells me.
    In front of a Senate committee Sen. Barbara Boxer scolded an Army brigadier general for calling her ‘ma’am.’ “You know, do me a favor,” an irritated Boxer said. “Could say ‘senator’ instead of ‘ma’am?'” “It’s just a thing, I worked so hard to get that title, so I’d appreciate it.
    I agree, she most definitely did earn this position and title, but how do we as young boys or young men or as i am a older gentlemen sort thru the confusion of ” Disrespect”?
    Interesting how this works in this society of politically correct madness!
    As for my self, my Grandson will continue to address me as ‘sir’ and he will address his mother as ‘ ma’am’, why? Because inside of each person we recognize this respect, Its almost a natural thing for us all. How a individual chooses to use this will almost certainly determine the outcome of the need.

  10. Compassion and a strong work ethic come to mind. I want them to see value in hard work and I want them to truly care about people besides themselves. Also – honesty.

  11. The fact that you were embarrassed by their behave speaks volumes to me. I would have thought more about it if you hadn’t given it a second thought.

    You’re right, they should have been polite and allowed the lady and baby to pass. But they are still at a learning stage.

    And by what you stated here, your reactions to such, tells me they WILL learn it and grow into fine(r) young men.

    I want to instill the same things in my children (3 boys, 1 girl). I went them first and foremost to be respectable of others (and themselves); followed by independent, hard-working individuals who values God, life and family.

    Enjoy your weekend!

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