Day: May 11, 2009

I was a difficult child to raise.

I was obstinate, stubborn and quite defiant.

And yet, my mother never gave up on me.

She took everything in stride.

I was her firstborn, her experiment, her exasperation. I was the child who would not be tamed.

She feels like she made some mistakes with me. I feel like I took advantage of her good nature – we’ve since apologized to each other for past regrets.

We are good friends today.

I never thought of myself as a mother. I was content to simply concentrate on my future, on being a wife, on having a partner and on having fun. Children were great, I thought, as long as they belonged to someone else.

But then my boys came along …

… and suddenly, my perspective changed. My whole world was turned upside down and I was left caring for these incredible, intelligent little boys who looked to me for guidance.

And my heart nearly burst with a strange and fierce new love.

I was terrified, and yet, I was ready for the responsibility. I made so many mistakes. But I’m confident I also had many more triumphs. Being their mother hasn’t been easy – in fact, it’s been a physical and emotional roller coaster – but it’s always been satisfying. My sons arrived in this world each holding one half of my heart in their tiny, plump fists and they haven’t let go.

And I daresay, I hope they never will.

Dude was a sweet boy who desperately wanted my approval. He was a fairly easy child to take care of – unless he didn’t get his way. And there were times I had to simply force myself to shrug off his tantrums and walk away because I couldn’t trust myself to control my own temper. We’ve clashed over many, many things and I think it’s mainly because we’re so much alike – he’s a carbon copy of what I COULD be. I’ve had to learn to pick my battles with Dude, and he’s learned different and unique ways of manipulating me. He is my strong, quiet, introspective son and he holds the left side of my heart.

Jazz was a difficult baby. He was never happy with anything I tried and it wasn’t until he became mobile that he really started settling down and being content with life. He was a baby on the go and his tendency to jump into situations, feet first, has gotten him into trouble, and lost, several times. He was, and still is, oblivious to his surroundings because his head is in the clouds and he finds it difficult to focus. I’ve had to learn to be his eyes and his shield to the outside world and me and Dude work together to make sure he’s kept safe – from himself. He is my loud, friendly, creative son and he holds the right side of my heart.

These boys are the reason I am who I am today. I’ve worked hard at raising them to be kind, considerate, responsible and loving individuals

I am a better person because of my sons.

Thank you for making me your mother.

I am proud.

I am humbled.