The Love Dare – Day One – My Experience

This post is about my personal experience with The Love Dare. If you would like to learn more about The Love Dare, go here. If you would like to win a copy of The Love Dare book, or the “Fireproof” DVD, go here.

Love Dare at
(click on the badge for details).

Day One: Love is patient – The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.

From The Love Dare book:

¤¤¤ Love works. It is life’s most powerful motivator and has far greater depth and meaning than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. We are born with a lifelong thirst for love. Our hearts desperately need it like our lungs need oxygen. Love changes our motivation for living. Relationships become meaningful with it. No marriage is successful without it.

Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness. All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes. And that’s where your dare will begin. With patience.

Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment or grief. You don’t get what you want and you start heating up inside. It is often an emotional reaction that flows out of our own selfishness, foolishness, or evil motives.

Patience, however, makes us wise. It doesn’t rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying. … Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails.

This Love Dare journey is a process, and the first thing you must resolve to possess is patience. Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. But it’s a race worth running.¤¤¤

***My Experience***

This one was a fairly easy one for me.

Well, it’s easy now, it wasn’t always easy.

I have learned, through some pretty ugly moments and humiliating outbursts, to keep my fat trap shut. I had the tendency to just say the first thing that popped into my head and you know what? I didn’t give a rat’s behind if I hurt Kevin’s feelings or not. After all, it’s a woman’s prerogative to speak her mind, right?

Not exactly.

It’s a woman’s prerogative to speak her mind IF what she has to say actually helps, and not hinders, the situation. Just because I feel it, doesn’t give me the right to say it.

Once again, my marriage is not about ME, it’s about US.

But I think I have an unfair advantage for you see, I took a communications class in college and through that class I learned how to speak to someone in a non-threatening way. For example, never use the word YOU, but always refer to the situation, people in general, or turn the situation around and explain how the situation makes ME feel as opposed to what that person is doing wrong.

Wrong: YOU really irritate me when you don’t unload the dishwasher.

The person you’re talking to? Only hears the “YOU really irritate me” part. They tune the rest of it out.

Right: We’re a team, right? I’d really appreciate it if we could take turns unloading the dishwasher.

I can honestly say that communications class curbed my selfish tendencies. It taught me to stop, turn the situation around (think Matrix effect here) and look at it from the other person’s perspective.

(In fact, I’ve been diligently searching for the communications textbook that I used in college because I’d love to post a series about how to effectively communicate with people).

So, this challenge was easy for me because I had already trained myself to reword my irritations and annoyances in various ways so that it wouldn’t come across as bitchy or unreasonable.

But still, there are moments that Kevin gets on my nerves and I open my big mouth and POW – hello foot, nom nom.

And that’s what it takes to successfully communicate with your spouse – it takes a willingness on your part to STOP, THINK, and RETRAIN your reactions because being rash and impulsive really is a dangerous combination, especially when tempers flare.

There are times when Kevin calls me “sassy.” Which is really code for bitchy. And when I stop and think about it, he’s right. I do find myself nagging him sometimes and the man can NOT do anything right. I’m constantly berating him and it’s during those time periods that I force myself to stop and pay attention to what I’m saying to him.

And I end up apologizing to him for treating him so bad. Upon further examination, the reason I even get to that bitchy level is because I’m tired, or hormonal, or frustrated with something other than him, or blahblahblah. The reason really doesn’t matter WHY I’m acting that way, what’s important is to NOT take it out on him.

How is that fair?

So, I’ve learned to be more open with how I’m feeling. “I’m sorry honey, I’m feeling on edge tonight. It has nothing to do with you. I think I need to be alone for a while and work off my bad mood.”

Now keep in mind, I’m not the only bad guy here. But women have more of a tendency to blow things out of proportion so it’s more of a challenge for us to maintain an even keel. But I have found, that by forcing myself to be more patient with Kevin, it teaches him, either consciously or subconsciously, to have more patience with me and to give me the same respect that I give him.

See? Give and take – lead by example. SOMEONE has to take that first step. Why not you?

And by telling him what is going on in my head, it helps him understand, and be more tolerant, of my behavior.

Men can’t read our minds, ladies. Please don’t make them try.

Abundant Life

Teaching: Don’t Blame God, Part Four

Every Sunday I provide videos and valuable links to the Truth or Tradition teachings. We’ve been following the Truth or Tradition teachings for many years now and they have truly blessed our family. We have found peace and happiness through our beliefs and we walk confidently for God. My hope, by passing on this information to you, is that what you find here, or on the Truth or Tradition website, will guide you to a better, more blessed and abundant life.

If you would like to read my views on religion and how we got started with the ministry, you can read this.

Let’s get started:

Is God a Murderer?

If God is now in complete control of the world, then He is ultimately responsible for all human suffering — either by causing it or allowing it. Doesn’t that make Him very hard to love? Maybe that’s why you hear so many Christian euphemisms designed to take the edge off what, if people did to other people, would be called destruction of property, stealing, torture, or premeditated murder, and would result in jail time. To say that God “called someone home” sounds so much better than saying that He “wasted” the poor soul.

As usual, the question is: What does the Bible say? Does God’s Word say that He is in control of everything that happens in the world? Absolutely not. In fact, Scripture states that it is the Devil who is exerting a controlling influence over the affairs of mankind.

1 John 5:19
We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.

The Word of God also says that Satan is the one who now holds the power of death, that is, he is the ultimate cause of death. This is either directly, via evil spirit intervention, such as a spirit of murder causing one person to murder another, or indirectly, via one of the countless diseases he has introduced into the world.

Hebrews 2:14
Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil.

Some typical examples of misguided euphemisms about God ending people’s lives are found in Roger Steer’s otherwise inspirational book titled J. Hudson Taylor, A Man In Christ. Taylor was one of the most influential Christian missionaries ever to work in China, which he did between 1854 and 1905. Drawing upon Taylor’s diary, Steer writes of his conversation with his eight-year-old daughter Grace, as she lay dying of meningitis: “Back at her bedside, he said to Grace, ‘I think Jesus is going to take you to Himself. You are not afraid to trust yourself with Him, are you?’” [1]

After her death, Taylor wrote:

Our dear little Gracie! How I miss her sweet voice in the morning, one of the first sounds to greet us when we woke— and through the day and at eventide! As I take the walks I used to take with her tripping at my side, the thought comes anew like a throb of agony, ‘Is it possible that I shall nevermore feel the pressure of that little hand, nevermore hear the sweet prattle of those dear lips, nevermore see the sparkle of those bright eyes?’ And yet she is not lost. I would not have her back again… the gardener came and plucked a rose [Emphasis ours]. [2]

Later, his 33-year-old wife Maria became gravely ill, and Steer writes that Taylor “could not pray unreservedly for her recovery.” [3] How heartbreaking that with his misunderstanding of Scripture, he could not resolve whether it was God’s will to heal his wife, and therefore he had no basis to pray with faith. Perhaps had he been able to, she might have recovered. After her untimely death, which left him with four children, Taylor wrote:

From my inmost soul I delight in the knowledge that God does or deliberately permits all things, and causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him. He, and He only, knew what my dear wife was to me. He knew how the light of my eyes and the joy of my heart were in her… But He saw that it was good to take her; good indeed for her, and in His love He took her painlessly; and not less good for me who must henceforth toil and suffer alone— yet not alone, for God is nearer to me than ever. [4]

Taylor’s journal entry leaves an obvious question: “Where is God’s love for those whom He does not ‘take’ painlessly?” It must pain God to see someone who obviously loved Him so much be so misguided and so practically hindered by such debilitating error. How sad that it is rampant throughout Christendom. If the truth of God’s Word were taught, such semantic sidestepping would be unnecessary, and the blame would be laid where it belongs— on the one-day-to-be-ashes shoulders of the Devil (Ezek. 28:18).

Don’t Blame God video series – Part Four

You can find parts one, two, and three here.

If you have any questions, or would like to learn more about God’s wonderful message, please visit the Truth or Tradition website. You can also keep track of the ministry through their Facebook page.

Truth or Tradition now has a YouTube Channel!

Thanks for reading.