Life

Fighting the Battle to Sleep (The Results)

You know, you don’t REALLY appreciate how messed up our health care system is until you have to deal with it.

And though it’s messed up, and we have to jump through hoops in order to get things done, it’s STILL better than if we turned it over to the government to completely muck up. It’s flawed, but at least it works — sort of.

*holds up hands in surrender gesture* I’m just saying.

(If you need to catch up, you can read this post about his sleeping problems and this post about his sleep clinic experience [it’s worth a click over just to see him all hooked up with wires. It’s crazy, man]).

We finally got Kevin’s sleep study results back.

Actually, I need to be fair to the clinic. We got his results back after about a week.

His scores were off the chart.

Which, I knew they would be.

Only, his results weren’t all that typical. Yes, he has sleep apnea, but it only kicks in when he reaches REM sleep. He’s fine until he reaches that stage and then he simply stops breathing, wakes himself up, can’t make himself go right back to sleep and *BEEP BEEP BEEP* his alarm is going off and it’s time to start the day.

The sleep clinic people were supposed to wake him up and put him on a cpap machine whenever his apnea kicked in, but they never did. And we’re thinking they never had time, because by the time his apnea kicked in, he was in REM and he woke himself up too fast for them to jump in and help him.

Okay, so now what? His doctor prescribed a cpap machine to see if that would help him sleep through the night. So, we put in a request for a machine through the medical supply store and we waited to hear back from them.

And we waited.

And we waited.

Finally, Kevin had to start round one of about 100 to get the ball rolling on obtaining a cpap machine.

After playing musical phone calls, (ya’ll know what I’m talking about – the frustrating stage where they tell you they can’t help you, direct you to another person who also can’t help you and then it’s ultimately back to the doctor because did he actually PRESCRIBE the machine? And yes he did and then we’re being transferred back to the original person who now has a question on whether our insurance will cover it or not. So Kevin has to call and confirm with the insurance company TWICE that yes indeed-y they will cover it and can we have our damn machine now?), we finally get an appointment for him to come in and learn how to use the machine.

GRR. See? Utter chaos. Our health care system is messed up. It really DOES need a complete overhaul, (relax restrictions, allow interstate policies, encourage competition so we can get these insane prices down, etc.) without the government sticking it’s greedy, incompetent hands in the middle of it, thank you very much.

Sorry. Sore subject with me.

Anyway, Kevin gets an appointment and he shows up to learn how to use the machine they are going to assign him. He said there were about two or three other guys there getting their own machines, but he was the only one who had a different machine.

Naturally.

Since his apnea only kicks in when he’s in REM sleep, they needed a machine that would sense that and … do whatever it is that it needs to do to help him regulate his breathing.

He came home and tried it.

Again, he was such a good sport – he allowed me to take his picture when he got all hooked up.

Sleep Mask
(Love you sweetie!)

It looks terribly uncomfortable, but he insists that it’s actually not too bad.

In essence, it’s a mask-like contraption that goes into each nostril and pumps moisturized air (from distilled water) into his lungs. The machine is supposed to sense, and adjust, to his breathing whenever he goes into apnea.

The first night he tried it, it fell off and he woke up at 3:00, as usual. The next night, it stayed on, but he still woke up at 3:00 (WTH?), but he said he went right back to sleep (as opposed to just lying there for an hour or so). So, he’s thinking he woke up from habit and not from his apnea.

He says it’s really weird, there is so much air being pumped into his lungs that it’s hard for him to exhale, so we’re thinking the setting is too high (we can’t adjust the setting, it has to be done by the medical supply people).

In fact, he can open his mouth and feel the air coming out. Instead of snoring, he now makes this little baby-like raspberry sound. (It’s actually pretty funny!)

He hasn’t been too impressed with it at this point, but it’s still early and he’s still getting used to it, so we’ll see. He did try to loosen it a bit the other night and he said that seemed to help him to not feel quite so overwhelmed, but overall, it doesn’t seem to be helping him that much.

He’s still waking up. But he’s waking up with clear sinus passages and he says he can actually smell things again.

In fact, the thing that seems to help him the most is taking Tylenol PM. And I’m assuming that’s because it has pseudoephedrine in it and forces his sinuses to open up so he can breathe.

I don’t know. The machine is supposed to be keeping track of his progress, so when he goes back in a few weeks, they can either adjust the settings or suggest something else.

It’s disappointing, to say the least. We really had high hopes that this machine would be the answer to his sleep problems. And though it’s certainly helped and it’s nice to know, for sure, what the problem is, it’s still maddening that he’s still not getting a decent night’s sleep.

Poor guy. He’s so tired (pun intended) of being a walking zombie all the time.

The sleep battles aren’t quite over yet.

Life-condensed

The First Day is Over!

The first day of the school year is officially over.

And I couldn’t be happier.

It went by fast.

For the most part.

But at other moments, it slowed to a crawl.

The first day is always … disorienting to me.

I am alone.

I am lonely.

I miss the kids.

And I walk around the house as if in a daze.

I’m never quite sure what to do with myself.

It’s frustrating and sad at the same time.

The kids said their days went well.

Jazz was a bit nervous.

Dude was a bit bored.

Jazz had a scheduling problem and couldn’t find his study hall class.

Dude was uncharacteristically mellow and relaxed.

They saw friends.

They shyly said hello to strangers.

They met each other at their locker after the last bell.

And walked side-by-side to meet me after school.

I found it hard to breathe as I watched them walk towards me.

No longer boys, but young men, confident and ready.

They exuded personality with every lazy step forward.

We went for ice cream for an after-school treat.

And it warmed my heart to listen to them talk about their days.

I forced myself to slow down and savor the moment.

For they will soon be gone.

They handed me a stack of papers when we got home.

I signed a mountain of syllabi.

And read through hundreds of rules.

We talked about the importance of keeping on top of things.

For high school is QUITE different than middle school.

Classes are only a semester long.

There is no PASS/FAIL option anymore.

You either pass the class or take it over.

I worry that Jazz can handle his workload as well as his marching band obligations.

He assures me he can handle it.

I want to believe him.

Schedules have been worked through.

Routines have been established.

It’s time to trudge through the next nine months.

Our new normal has begun.

First Day of School 09

Life, random stuff

Setting Them Up to Succeed

1 Dude doesn’t have that many friends (I can’t imagine where he gets THAT trait from – *ahem*), but the ones he does have? He sees a lot.

Once again, he stayed over at a friend’s house this past Friday night. Whenever he and his friends get together, they stay up all night and do the LAN party thing, playing XBox games together.

Dude packed up his XBox, and all the gear that went along with that, as well as our flat-screen TV that sits on a shelf over our treadmill (which I use to watch movies when I walk on the treadmill). He has to take his own TV because, well, TV’s don’t grow on trees. At least, they didn’t the last time I checked. And in order to participate in a LAN party, you sort of need a TV. It’s really hard to play games when you can’t see what’s going on.

So, Kevin dropped him off. I had to stay home because I was waiting on a very important email from a school that wanted to post their class lists online (see how accommodating I am about helping the schools out? I’m tellin’ ya, if your child’s school doesn’t have a decent website, you’re missing out! Contact me and let’s talk).

Because I was distracted, I forgot to feed the kid. Which is a problem. A hungry teenage boy? Yeah, picture a hormonal teenage girl – times about twenty. So, Kevin calls him on his cell phone to ask if he needs us to bring him anything to eat. Now I know the kid will probably eat a little something over at his friend’s, but I hate to assume that someone else is going to feed him, so we checked just to make sure. They hadn’t said anything about food at that point, but I wasn’t worried, they usually ordered pizza in times past so I just assumed they would do the same thing again.

Uh, no.

The next morning, Kevin and I ran back over to pick Dude up. (I’m really looking forward to the day he can drive himself places!) We noticed there was a giant SUV in the driveway, one we weren’t familiar with.

Hhmm, one of his friends must be driving now, I thought to myself.

We gave him a chance to get settled in the car and succumb to a yawn or two before interrogating him.

And by interrogating him, I mean, just ask him simple questions.

“So, did you have fun?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you get any sleep?”

“A little.”

“How much?”

“I don’t know.”

“What did you end up eating for dinner?”

Silence.

I glanced in my rear-view mirror to try and catch Dude’s eyes.

He’s not looking at me.

I raise an eyebrow to Kevin and we give him a little more time to formulate his answer. After all, the kid is tired, and the brain synapses thing? Is running slow.

“We went and ate Chinese food,” he finally answered.

“Oh?” Kevin asked innocently. “Who drove you over there?”

“My friend, J,” was Dude’s answer.

My knee-jerk reaction was shock and then alarm. My kid was in the car with a new 16-year old driver?!? ACK! We’ve always told Dude that when he got his license, he wasn’t allowed to drive any of his friends around for at least a year, not until he had had some experience under his belt. So, the fact that he willingly went with his buddy was sort of surprising.

To me, at least.

But I held my tongue and swished that information around my pea brain for a bit. He was alive. He was fine. Calm down, mom.

My very next thought was, “COOL!” How cool was it that he and his buddies were able to hop into a car and just go eat Chinese food on the spur of the moment? How exciting! How grown up! And .. uh oh …

“What did you do for money? Who paid for your meal?” I asked.

Dude said his buddy paid for it and I immediately felt bad. I’m confident Dude will see his buddy again and when he does, he can pay him back. But in the meantime, that was a good lesson for us — always make sure the boy has some money on him.

I asked Dude if he felt grown-up when he and his buds went out to eat. He gave me a lazy smile and said, “yeah.”

That lone word, and the way he said it, said it all, really. He not only liked it, he LOVED it. He got his first REAL taste of independence.

Dude has been a different kid this weekend. He’s been more relaxed, more … mature. I really think we’ve turned another corner in his life and I’m predicting this is going to be a HUGE “growing up” year for Dude.

Even though I’m tickled pink that he had a good time and that he got a taste of what being a teenager is all about, do you want to know what I’m MOST happy about?

The fact that he COULD tell us about the trip out with his buddies. He trusted us not to go ballistic and we didn’t. THAT to me is a huge milestone, I think.

***************

2 Speaking of cell phones … I ordered Dude’s cell phone from Virgin Mobile over the weekend. His choices were red or gold. He thought the gold one might be a bit too “pimp-ish”, so he went with the red. Only, we’re hoping it’s a true red and not a reddish-pink, because if so, that puppy will be sent back.

In the meantime, Jazz recorded his own voice mail message on his phone (the old phone). It’s pretty funny and I wish you could listen to it, but in essence, it goes a little something like this:

“Hey, this is Jazz. I’m not here right now because either 1. I have my phone turned off, or 2. I can’t answer the phone. So, either call back in 20 minutes or so, or I’ll get back to you eventually.”

And he sounds totally bored with the whole thing.

HAHA! Love that kid.

***************

3 I spent several hours on Sunday going through old clothes. Since Jazz had a pretty big growth spurt these past several months, I had a TON of clothes to sort through.

Considering Jazz has grown so much, he not only had to try on old clothes to make sure they still fit (most didn’t), he also had to try on Dude’s old clothes to see if he was big enough to wear them (and he was, for the most part).

I ended up with FIVE trash bags full of stuff he could no longer wear, as well as about four pairs of shoes.

So, I kept Jazz pretty busy Sunday afternoon. But he was a really good sport about it. In fact, he sort of acted excited about his new “wardrobe.” A lot of Dude’s old stuff was BRAND NEW because that was the time period that Dude refused to wear anything but about three t-shirts and two hoodies – the entire school year. It drove me bonkers, but I couldn’t get the kid to wear anything else.

When I asked Dude why he wouldn’t wear anything other than the same crap over and over again he said, “I don’t want the other kids to think I’m rich or something by wearing different clothes all the time.”

Wha?! So, I guess it was okay to allow the other kids to think he was dirt poor? I don’t understand why it has suddenly become a BAD thing to have money. It’s like everyone is apologizing for the fact that they are successful or they have worked hard to earn their own money.

We certainly aren’t rich and we certainly don’t have a lot of money, but we’re comfortable and I guess we should apologize for that?

Thanks for that, Obama. Grr. Don’t get me started.

Anyway, Dude and I drove to my sister-in-law’s house today to drop off those five bags of clothes. My SIL’s son is about four years younger than Jazz and he just worships him. My nephew really gets a kick out of wearing Jazz’s hand-me downs and I’m happy that the clothes are being used. (Not to mention, it saves my SIL tons of money!)

We’re starting to reach the point though, that we won’t have any clothes to give up after a while. I think Dude has pretty much stopped growing at this stage, which means less hand-me downs for Jazz and less sorting and discarding for me.

Even though going through clothes is my least favorite thing to do, I’ll miss it when I no longer have to do it.

***************

4 Kevin took Dude to practice parallel parking Sunday. (Dude told me that there was a cop parked across the street watching him. The cop had been sitting there before Kevin and Dude pulled up to practice, but it nearly gave Dude a heart attack).

When they got back, I talked everyone into climbing back into the car and driving down to Missouri State University (MSU). My plan was for us to get out and actually walk around the campus. I wanted to to show Dude what college life was like because now that he’s a Junior and will be taking the ACT Prep course first thing this semester, I knew that he would be hearing a lot about college and how important it was for him to start thinking seriously about it.

However, I didn’t realize, until we reached campus and the place was PACKED and crawling with people, that the Fall semester started today which meant that all of the kids were busy buying books and moving into their dorm rooms.

We didn’t end up walking around, we just drove around, but I think Dude got a “feel” for what it was like.

I couldn’t help getting excited myself. I LOVED college. Just loved it. And I miss it. I would love to go back and get my masters someday, but I need to pay my student loans off first before I think about going back for more.

I confess, I think part of the reason I wanted to go to MSU and look around was because of me.

I’m selfish like that. 🙂

***************

5 It’s the eve of another school year. Dude will be a Junior, Jazz will be a Freshman. In some ways, it’s hard to believe both of my boys will be high school, but in other ways, this is the point we’ve been working towards.

I’m quite confident that these next two / four years are going to ZOOM by. They will be monumental growth years for my kids – both physically and emotionally. I’m sure there will be dates, and friends, and driving, and jobs and just a whole slew of new and worrisome exciting experiences for the boys.

On one hand, I’m looking forward to the challenges. I’m looking forward to watching them grow up and reach out to grab their goals by the tail and hang on for dear life.

And on the other hand, they are growing away from me, they need me less and less and it makes me sad.

It’s weird. It’s almost as if I’m watching them morph into totally different beings from the outside, as a passer-by, instead of an interested party. I feel like I’m observing them through a glass snow globe and though the flakes start flying when their worlds are upset, I’m there to hold it steady and make everything calm once again.

My role has changed. I’m no longer an island they swim toward, I’m a rock to steady themselves against when the tide becomes overwhelming.

Soon, very soon, they will be swimming by themselves and I will be reduced to a dot on their horizon.

*sigh* It’s both sad, and a bit exciting, all at the same time.

I’ll be glad when tomorrow is over. The first day of school has always been hard for me. There is just something about watching them walk away from me … knowing they will be different people when I pick them up later.

It just makes me cry.

***************

6 Because the first day of school is so tough on me, I will have to distract myself. I plan on packing up my laptop and heading toward the MSU library.

I plan on getting back to my writing.

It’s really hard for me to write at home during the summer months. Even though the boys are virtually invisible during the long summer days, they are still PRESENT. And I can never fully turn off my mom mode when they’re around. I find that incredibly distracting. I can’t get anything done and writing, well, I don’t even try.

I have to get away from home, to physically leave, before I can get any writing done.

So, I’ll kill two birds with one stone tomorrow. I will distract myself from the first day of school blues and get some writing done to boot.

In case you weren’t aware of this, the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) challenge is coming up in November and to help prepare myself for the challenge, I thought I would “ask” my main character to write some posts for this blog. A creative exercise, if you will. I thought it would be fun to introduce you all to something new and it would allow me an opportunity to get to know her better before NaNoWriMo starts.

I think, instead of writing a novel this year, I’m going to write 30 short stories all starring my lead character (that you will all come to know through this blog). I don’t know why, but I seem to work better in the short story format. I also enjoy it – a lot. I get so bored whenever I write anything longer than about 3,000 words. This way, I’ll mix things up a bit and have produced a mini-portfolio of my work to boot.

This will be my fifth year participating in the NaNoWriMo challenge (see sidebar for past winner’s badges) and I plan on crossing that 50,000 word line yet again this year. The NaNoWriMo site has published their web badges early, so hop on over, grab your badge and show the world that you’re up to the challenge!

Thanks for sticking it out with me. I always feel so much better after writing these random posts – it feels so good to purge!

More from Write From Karen

Life

Caught Out in Public

uncomfortable Blogging is largely an autonomous activity. We get on here, write down our thoughts or describe something that happened in our lives, click on “publish” and *SNAP*, it’s out there for the world to see.

Only, it doesn’t feel like the world to me, it doesn’t feel like anything. It’s a page on my monitor and in a lot of ways, it doesn’t even feel real. It’s real at the time I write it, but once it’s on my blog, I’ve moved past it and a lot of times, have already forgotten about it.

And it always surprises me whenever I get comments. First, I’m surprised that anyone even reads it. Secondly, when I go back and re-read some of this stuff, it’s almost like it happened to another person.

I write in the moment. I write what I’m feeling at that moment. So by the time I go back and read it over again, my feelings have changed. Whatever it was that bothered me, doesn’t bother me anymore. I felt that way when I wrote the post, but I’m over it now and feel totally different.

I’ve purged my thoughts and feelings (and feel much better, thank you very much) and have abandoned those thoughts and feelings to someone’s RSS reader to read, skim, or skip altogether.

I’ve moved on. I’m already living the next post.

It’s different, putting myself out there for the world to analyze, when I know they are faceless beings. It’s somehow easier to bare my soul to perfect strangers than to say, my family. And I suppose the biggest reason is because people in real life know me, or at least, they are in close enough proximity to SEE through my tough talk and false bravado and take a gander at my vulnerability.

But the nameless, faceless people? Only know me through my words. They may judge me, but I won’t be aware of their judgment (unless they leave a comment and even then, it doesn’t feel ….. real) so I can simply continue being …. me … in the moment.

I think I would start feeling EXTREMELY uncomfortable if I ever got to the “popular” level and I continued to slice and dice my life out to place on a board for all the world to come by and sniff their nose at. I’ve been thankful, on more than one (hundred) occasion that I wasn’t Dooce, or The Pioneer Woman or MckMama simply because I’m not sure how I would handle the very public scrutiny and the very public judgments that I see these talented bloggers go through all the time.

I think being willing to go that far out on a limb takes a lot of courage.

I’ve always wondered what I would do if/when someone from my real life approached me to tell me they read my blog.

Like when on Tuesday, when we were at Kevin’s company picnic, one of his constitutes (Hi Julie!) approached me and said,

“I have a confession to make. I’m addicted to your blog.”

*blinkblink*

My very first reaction was:

“Good Lord.”

My second reaction was:

“How flattering!”

My third reaction?

“Good Lord.”

My fourth reaction?

*PANIC!*

DeerInHeadlights What do I say?! How do I act? Why is my tongue swelling and sticking to the roof of my mouth? Why do I feel like a deer in headlights?

Say something, you idiot!

“Um, that’s great.”

Perfect. I couldn’t have SOUNDED any more idiotic.

She took me by surprise. (I’m really not that stupid, Julie. Well, I take that back. I’m not USUALLY quite that stupid, Julie).

I honestly didn’t know what to say.

And that confused me. Because as you can see, from my blog, I’m not usually short on words.

Ah, but that’s the difference between blogging and real life — blogging, I have TIME to formulate my thoughts (I won’t even tell you how much time I spend writing these things and LOOK, they’re still jumbled up and confusing) and in real life? I’m on the spot. I have to think fast …

and THAT is my problem.

I’m just not that quick.

Apparently. 😯

Life

Should We Jump to Help?

suspicious Dude has a good buddy that he’s known since he was about three years old. This friend’s father died when he was a baby, so he’s never had a dad and grew up with just his mother.

Kevin has been his surrogate father throughout the years and has tried to play a positive role in his life.

We used to see this kid every Friday night. The kid’s grandparents are our next door neighbor so yeah, he virtually lived at our house all throughout grade school and middle school.

Now that he’s in high school, is driving his own car and has his own job, we see him a lot less.

He’s a good kid, but he’s a bit on the wild side. I’m assuming it’s because he didn’t have a strong male influence in his life growing up, but wild or no, he really is a good kid.

He just …… happens to FIND trouble.

Case in point: He came over the other night to show us the work he had done on his new car. He’s been ordering parts from the ‘net and rebuilding it as he goes along.

It’s all very impressive and we should absolutely be impressed by this kid. He’s staying out of trouble … for the most part.

But as we’re standing there, oohing and aahing over his handiwork, he starts to tell us a story about how he was at an ice cream joint one night and these guys jumped out of their car, pulled him out of his car and just started beating him up.

Okay. I know this kid pretty well. And though I’m sure he’s telling us the truth, I’m also sure it’s not the ENTIRE truth. That sort of thing just doesn’t happen. I’m sure it probably does in bigger cities, but we’re in po-dunk Springfield, our crime problems just haven’t escalated to that point.

(I hope).

Anyway, the reason I’m telling you this is because Dude is standing there and absorbing all of this and with each dramatic punch these hoodlums are delivering to this friend’s face, Dude’s eyes get bigger and bigger.

I can see he’s been spooked a bit.

After the friend left, I had a little conversation with Dude.

“You know that trouble seems to just follow D around, don’t you? I’m sure there is more to the story.”

Dude grunts.

“You know that when you start driving by yourself, it’s very unlikely a group of guys are going to jump you, right?”

Dude grunts again.

“This sort of thing doesn’t happen on a daily basis. I mean, unless you provoke someone or …”

At this point, I realize I’m burying myself in quick sand and I end my brilliant speech with

“It’s not going to happen to you. Don’t worry about it.”

Yeah, brilliant mom. Way to calm the kid down.

So, fast forward to today.

After the boys got their hair cut, I coaxed Dude into driving up to Best Buy so we could look at some phones. I promised Jazz that when he got to high school, he could have his own cell phone.

Well. Here we are. High school. So, since the phone they have now has a ton of minutes on it and Jazz will most likely be the one who needs his phone more, we decided we’d just buy Dude his own phone and give the old one to Jazz.

Still with me?

Anyway ….

Me and Dude, we’re at Best Buy. And since we go through Virgin Mobile (because we’re a pre-paid minutes sort of family), we looked at Best Buy’s selection of Virgin Mobile phones.

Only, their selection? Is tiny.

So, I suggested to Dude that we just go online and see what they had available (in hindsight, we should have just done that to begin with. When has the internet EVER let me down?).

We’re leaving Best Buy and it’s pouring rain. Of course, I don’t have an umbrella so I try and coax Dude into driving his car up to the building to pick me up.

He refuses.

I insist.

He gets angry.

I get extremely annoyed. After all, I’m not asking the kid to drive cross-country, just across the freaking parking lot! Grr.

So, I tell him to go ahead and unlock the door and I’ll follow him.

He runs ahead and is reaching for his door handle when a man stops him.

I immediately forget about the rain and high tail it over to see what is going on.

Dude looks frozen. And not from cold. He’s stiff and awkward looking and I’m suddenly running various perversions through my mind. My adrenaline starts pumping and I think I could have seriously kicked that man’s ass, I was that prepared to defend my child.

I reach the duo and ask what’s going on.

“My girlfriend left the lights on,” the man says and weakly gestures to his van that is sitting directly in front of Dude’s car. “I was wondering if you could give me a jump.”

I’m certain my chest visibly deflated in relief. He wasn’t a perv, he was just a guy who needed some help.

I gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. But we don’t have any cables.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” the man replied. “I’ve got some.”

I’m now aware that I have an impressionable teenager hanging on our every word. And we’re all standing in the rain and getting quite soaked. So, I did the only thing a God-fearing person would do in this situation.

“Absolutely. Let me pull the car around.”

I get into the driver’s seat and Dude continues to stand outside, in the rain, looking shell-shocked.

His expression says it all, “What just happened?? Was I just approached by a … by a … strange human?!?”

I tap on the car window to get Dude’s attention and motion for him to get into the car.

I pull the car around and endure awkward moments and dirty looks from other people in the parking lot who can’t figure out why I’m blocking their path while positioning Dude’s car in front of the guy’s van.

By this time, this poor man is completely soaked to the skin. And he looks so apologetic and miserable my heart goes out to him.

He pops the hood (I couldn’t even tell him which side the battery was on – that’s how clueless I am when it comes to cars), he hooks up the cables (and I have a momentary vision of him getting electrocuted because remember? It’s raining), and he quickly gets his van started.

He unhooks the cables and I roll my window down. I didn’t even hear the engine turn over and I’m still not sure, hours later, whether he really DID get his car started or not.

And now I’m a bit suspicious, but I don’t say anything to Dude.

“Do I owe you anything?” The man asks.

“Oh good grief, no,” I answer him back. I give him a little wave and we drive off.

After we got home, Dude and I talked about the incident. He acted so out-of-sorts and freaked out that I assumed it was because he still has this “thing” about wanting to be invisible to the world and OH MY GOSH, people scare the crap out of him. (It’ll be interesting to see how he handles a job).

And though I’m certain his aversion to people was part of the reason he acted so … awkward, he told me that he thought the guy was going to jump him.

Ah. A light bulb went off in my head and the whole friend story came back to me. Of course. He’s now not only wary of people, he might even be a tad afraid of them.

And that’s probably due, in part, to the story his friend just told him.

So, we had another talk about how you need to be cautious in life, but can’t always assume that everyone you meet is out to get you.

I hate that a simple plea for help is treated with suspicion, but at the same time, people need to be cautious. There are a lot of bad people out there and you just never know what someone’s objective is. I’m sure this episode was nothing more than it appeared, but then again, I can’t honestly tell you whether the guy got his engine running because I didn’t see it. And I didn’t hear any slow whir-whir-whirring that an engine makes when it’s run out of juice and being jumped.

But it was raining. And Dude’s car engine is noisy, too. So, I just might have missed it. And maybe the guy’s battery wasn’t stone cold, but just didn’t have enough juice to get the car started and needed that little nudge to do so.

But what if the guy didn’t really need any help at all but targeted Dude because he was young, vulnerable and alone in a semi-deserted parking lot?

Who knows.

It was a strange situation to be in and an even stranger situation to try and teach Dude. On one hand, I don’t want him to be afraid of people, but on the other hand, he definitely needs to be wary, and on guard with people, at the same time.

When Kevin heard the story, he told Dude that if something like that ever happened to him while he was out alone to go with his instinct. If he was uncomfortable with the situation, just tell the guy no and leave. And though that’s sound advice and I CERTAINLY don’t want Dude to be in a dangerous situation, the fact that we HAVE to tell him that makes my heart hurt.

It’s like the whole picking up a stranger thing that Kevin and I went through the other day.

We want to help people out. But there is so much evil in the world that you sometimes have to forgo that urge to be a good Christian, a decent human being, and simply go into survival mode.

It’s sad, isn’t it?

Through My Eyes

Another Summer Bites the Dust

Sizzling days and balmy nights,
Darkened shades, and lowered lights
Black-eyed Susans’ smiling face,
Pink Petunias, Queen Anne’s Lace.

flowers2

Panting dogs, watch June bugs flying
Mothers hot, and children crying.
Vacation time, but best of all,
Just one more month, and then it’s Fall!

poem by Jan Stribley


I have discovered that I hold my breath throughout the entire school year.

No wonder I’m hard to get along with; I’m oxygen deprived.

There’s homework. There are homework battles. There are bed-time issues. There’s me worrying about whether the boys are getting enough sleep (or whether they’re falling asleep in class).

There are friend issues. Who are they hanging around with? Who are they eating lunch with? Who is influencing them and are they making the right decisions? Do they feel peer pressure? Is anyone picking on them?

Are they comfortable in their own skin? Are they secure people? Do they feel awkward with their sexuality? What sorts of girls attract their attention? (And they ARE attracted to girls, right??)

Are we asking the right questions about their future? Are the classes they’re taking the right path to a future career? College is looming just over the horizon. I can see the signs, but at this point, they are still various colors of opportunity — nothing is terribly clear.

And then suddenly ………

Ahhhhhhhh ……….

Summer rolls around … I can B.R.E.A.T.H.E again. I can let all of those worries go and just …. peacefully co-exist with my teenage sons. There are no outside pressures. There is no homework to stress over. We don’t have to worry (overly) much about futures.

We can sleep late and set our own agendas. We don’t have to worry about being at a certain place at a certain time. We can eat ice cream, watch a movie, or simply veg out with absolutely nothing more pressing to do than to idly scratch an itch or two.

We can be lazy and not worry about unpleasant consequences.

I like lazy.

The world simply has more color. Everything smells better. Sounds are closer and more intimate. And everything tastes fresh and delicious.

Time slows down and memories waver and form like blurry images under water. There are no pressure points, there are only points to slowly pluck from passing activities.

I’m relaxed. Everyone around me is relaxed. I’m slow to anger and quick to laugh. Life is good. Life is peaceful.

And then summer ends.

And we find ourselves right back at life’s door, our hands balled into fists and poised just inches from the wood, ready to knock and ask permission to enter the next chapter of our lives.

We are braced for the future. We will handle the future.

But sometimes, I wish no one would open that door.

Goodbye Summer.

We miss you already.

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