Category: Life

Life

A Crappy Week

Karen

Things have been tough at our house this week.

GD and I have been feeling under the weather. I can’t decide if GD’s problem is allergies (ragweed is high right now) or if he has a cold. I caught something from GD (I think) and I’ve been battling severe congestion and even more severe headaches all week. Last night I virtually passed out because it felt like the top of my head was going to shoot off from the pressure.

The husband stubbed his little toe on our treadmill early this week and has been limping around ever since. I don’t think he broke it, he can sort of move it now, but it swelled up so badly that he had to remove his shoes at work in order to handle the pain.

MK hasn’t been sick, but he’s been dealing with bratty classmates all week. I’m happy to report that he apparently took care of that problem (just by being loud and drawing attention to himself – see? I told you that would work) and the boys seemed to have grown tired of bugging him.

I’ve been on the computer so much this week that I’m sure that has contributed to my mind-numbing headaches. I’m so sick of the computer at this point I’m tempted to just shut the thing down and pretend it doesn’t exist it all weekend.

*snort* As if that will happen.

I was pulling into the school parking lot this morning when GD suddenly told me he felt nauseous. This is NOT something a mom wants to hear when she’s on the verge of leaving her child behind. I asked him if he wanted to go home, but he bravely refused and now I’m sitting here worried how he’s getting along. I jumped into the shower as soon as I got home this morning, so if I get a call from the school, I’m ready to run up there and get him. I HATE when the kids are sick – and not just because I feel bad for them, but because I never know what to do for them. I gave GD some DayQuil this morning thinking that might help with his sore throat/coughing problem and then coincidentally he complains about feeling nauseous.

Did I just poison my kid??

I’m so glad today is Friday. I think we’re all ready for a lazy weekend and a chance to lick our wounds.

Life

Exhausting Your Options

Karen

MK is short and painfully thin for a 13-year old boy. He is a carbon copy of his father, who was the littlest one in his class until he was a junior in high school.

Knowing my husband’s history, I was mentally prepared to accept the fact that MK would be a late bloomer. (Whereas GD bloomed a little ahead of his classmates and has a voice so deep he sounds like a 40-year old man).

MK is also one of the youngest in his class. His birthday is in March so when he turns 14 in 2009, most of his peers will be well past that point and staring 15 in the face.

I never really thought too much about MK being picked on at school because of his size or age. Though he’s a very lovable, kind, gentle and smart boy, he’s also a little spitfire. He has a personality where he pretty much blurts out what’s on his mind and he’s always been pretty vocal about his feelings (painfully so, at times).

But he’s always enjoyed school. He’s always had a lot of friends and generally seemed pretty happy with the whole learning concept.

Until, that is, he hit middle school. Now, being on the threshold of puberty (the subject of another post) he’s unsure of himself. He is aware that he’s not as physically big or developed as his peers and it has broken my heart to see his passion for life … ebb a bit. He’s gotten quiet. He’s gotten sarcastic and just a bit obstinate about life in general.

I realize some of this has to do with growing pains. I expect his personality to evolve somewhat, but some of this attitude change has to do with the way other kids treat him at school.

Though he’s never really been bullied per se, he has been picked on. It was especially tough when he started 6th grade. But he still had enough of his little boy confidence to stand up for himself and the few times other kids tried to pick on him, he held his own.

I don’t really remember a lot of “issues” last year – there were a few, but not nearly the number he had in 6th grade,.

This year, it’s been a lot different. I can SEE him struggling with his personality. He wants to be nice, but he doesn’t want to be too nice. He wants to be tough, but he doesn’t want to be a jerk. He wants to be confident, but it’s hard to be confident around kids who get a thrill out of shooting that confidence down.

We’re in the fourth week of school and so far, it’s been pretty tough on MK. First, there’s his music. He plays the alto sax (for those that don’t know), and he’s already in band, jazz band, pep band (his band teacher told him not to bother trying out – just show up – that’s how good he is), and he plans on auditioning for honors band next month. In a nutshell, his music is keeping him REALLY BUSY. So, he has the stress of juggling his music with his school work responsibilities.

Next, he has a friend problem. He’s outgrowing a good friend of his. His friend is still acting like a fifth/sixth grader and MK … well, is not. He’s past that stage. So this friend is embarrassing him in front of his other friends and though he would love to tell this boy to grow up, he doesn’t want to to hurt his feelings.

Next, social studies. MK is getting straight A’s in all of his classes, except for SS, which is a D. I emailed his teacher last night to ask what the deal was, and he responded this morning by telling me that MK wasn’t answering the questions in the correct format. *sigh* Now personally, speaking as a writer, I think what he’s asking is silly, but I’m not the teacher and though we may disagree with him, that’s beside the point. There will be times in life where you have to do something you might disagree with – that’s just the way it is. So, I had a talk with MK this morning about what his teacher said and that he needs to be more thorough in his answers – overkill. Teachers love when you overkill.

And lastly … MK is being picked on. I hesitate to call it bullying because he told me this was the first time these boys (yes plural) did these things. But if we don’t nip this in the bud now, it could blossom into something ugly later on.

So to say MK was depressed last night would be putting it mildly. We had a pretty long talk about these boys and I hope he’s able to apply my advice today.

Actually, I’m hoping it’s not even an issue today, that what happened yesterday was a one-time thing – we’ll see.

Here are the situations:

1. Band. He sits next to another alto sax player in band. This boy made first chair, MK made second chair. So I suspect some of this has to do with the boy feeling threatened – a little competition, if you will. This boy, who MK told me he’s actually disliked as far back as 3rd grade, pinched his arm several times in class yesterday. When I asked what he (MK) did, he said he just ignored him. That’s my boy. 🙂

However, sometimes ignoring doesn’t work. So, I asked MK what he was going to do if the pinching continued. MK wasn’t sure. I offered a few suggestions:

A. Ask him firmly, but nicely to stop.

B. If that didn’t work, speak up loudly, enough for the whole class to hear and say something embarrassing to the kid, like “Why do you feel like you have to keep touching me?” When the hubby found out what was going on, his suggestion was to yell in the boy’s face, “Stop touching me. What are you, gay?” However, I sort of vetoed that suggestion (when the hubs wasn’t around) and told him if he said that, he might get into trouble for using the “g” (gay) word. Schools are funny about stuff like that.

C. If that didn’t work, ask his band teacher if he could move.

2. English. He sits at a table with three other students (that whole dreaded “group” thing – I used to HATE that when I was in school). One boy is kicking him under the table. Again, he ignored the kid. Again, my suggestions were:

A. Ask him firmly, but nicely to stop.

B. Scoot his chair back far enough that he couldn’t reach him.

C. Stand up, cross his arms and say nothing. When the teacher noticed him and asked him to sit down, to respond with, “I would love to, if so-and-so would stop kicking me.”

D. Talk to his teacher.

Who knows if my suggestions will work. Who knows if MK will have the presence of mind to even use these suggestions if it happens again. All I know is, enough is enough. There are times you just can’t be nice anymore. You bend over backwards for people, you give them several chances to change their behavior and nothing works. I certainly don’t expect MK (or either of my boys) to simply stand there and take abuse. If all other options have been exhausted, then it’s time for the kid gloves to come off and get serious.

The question is, where do you draw that line? It’s especially tough for the boys at school because even though I don’t expect them to stand there and take any physical abuse, they can’t really fight back or they get into trouble, too.

It’s sort of a catch-22 situation.

All I know for sure is that if this continues, and MK has exhausted all of his options, I WILL step in and it WILL NOT be pleasant – for anyone.

Has your child ever been picked on, or bullied? How would you handle it if they were?

Life

More Blog Topics – As Soon As My Head Clears

Karen

So, I have a new list of topics I’d like to talk about this month:

Blog Topics

I think I did a pretty good job covering my last round of topics.

I talked about the importance of keeping negativity out of our lives.

Check.

I talked about whether siphoning gas, er, STEALING, gas is ever justified.

Check.

I kind of sort of talked about sexuality, though I veered off into the political arena and never really got around to my thoughts about sexuality in general. (Perhaps I’ll attempt to delve into that sensitive issue – perhaps I won’t. It’ll depend on my mood at the time).

(Semi) Check.

And I told ya’ll about my uncomfortable experience at the bookstore.

I think, all in all, I did a pretty good job sticking to my topics. Not bad for a first start anyway.

I’ll be writing about the topics you see listed above very soon. In fact, I was going to write about GD’s sexist humor today, but my brain is so fogged up with mucus that it’s hard to focus on this monitor, let alone on my thoughts. So … lucky you. I’ll save that discussion for another day.

Oh, and a note to myself, add “redshirting” to that discussion list, too.

I’m sick. GD brought a cold home from school and very kindly shared it with me. (Thanks son). It started Saturday – I just FELT it coming. I can’t describe it, but if you’ve ever paid attention, then you know what I’m talking about. You know, that funny little tickle in the back of your throat or that heavy feeling like someone just placed a small whale on your shoulders? Yeah, that icky, sticky feeling that something is just not right.

I felt pretty bad on Sunday. And yesterday is sort of blurry, but today … argh, the cold has set up camp in my sinuses and I can not breathe. At all. It’s so bad that I have to breathe through my mouth. In fact, I woke up at two this morning, my mouth dry, yet slimy and my throat prickly and sharp. I inhaled half a bottle of nose spray and went back to sleep, only to wake up at 6:00 on the dot gasping for air once again.

And though I’m completely clogged up, I’m spouting snot. It’s the irritating and unexpected snot that shoots out of your nose when you least want it to – you know the kind, right? So, to stem the flow, I’m running around with wads of tissue jammed into my nostrils.

It’s quite attractive, let me assure you.

I was supposed to address a room full of teachers today, but I had to cancel. I just feel too icky. And my head is so clogged, I know I won’t think straight and everything that comes out of my mouth will be gibberish and the teachers will all look at each other like, “Who IS this jabbering fool” and I’ll notice them looking at each other and that will make me uncomfortable and that will only enhance my feeling of light headed, er, ness, and I’ll faint in front of them and they’ll have to call an ambulance because they won’t know what to do with me and that will attract the neighbors who will come over to see who collapsed at the school and the sight of my bloodless face with stark white tissues stuck up my nostrils will frighten the children and they will have nightmares which will later require counseling and I’ll probably be sued for traumatizing our future generation and …

Well, you get the picture. I’m CLEARLY delirious.

So, no meeting for me today. I think I’ll make myself a cup of chicken soup, bury my body in a comfy blanket and blink the visions of dancing elves from my vision.

Or get some sleep, that works, too. 😀

Life

This Is Me Today…

Karen

Day 79 – f o c u s, originally uploaded by margolove.

How can you NOT F O C U S with that picture in your face, right? 🙂

I have a ton of things to do today (Friday’s have been really busy for me lately – what gives??) so I don’t really have time to write anything more than, well, this post.

What do I have on tap for today, you ask? I’ll tell ya …

I have a website template that I must tweak and get out today. The client made some changes and I’m pretty sure I should be able to pound those out in the next few hours. Actually, it’s not really a choice, it must go out today because I have a meeting scheduled with the entire teaching staff on Tuesday *GULP* so I really must be prepared or I’ll make (an even bigger) fool out of myself than normal.

I have to go grocery shopping. Well, I don’t HAVE to, but Fridays are the day I shop (because I honestly ABHOR shopping and can only stomach it once a week), leaving the weekend free to do chores spend time with the family. And I really must get it done today because it looks like we’re in for a solid weekend of rain according to Hurricane Ike’s projected path …

Thanks Ike *sarcastic tone of voice*

I also have THE ITCH. No, not that kind of itch, get yer mind out of the gutter *grin*, but the itch to write. And to work on my NaNoWriMo outline because I’m really getting excited about this NASCAR story I have planned. And when I have the itch to write, I have to scratch it or I get cranky, fidgety and then snarky and it’s just not very pleasant to witness so … yeah. (Note to self: I need to watch some races this weekend too, for, um, research purposes, not to drool over the cute race car drivers.)

*ahem*

Oh, and I need to keep myself busy so I don’t fret over MK today. He had the balls made the mistake of slipping A, the girl he’s liked for years now, a love note on Wednesday. She apparently showed it to her girlfriends (shame on you A), and now MK is being teased mercilessly.

Poor little guy.

I did try and warn him this might happen though (he had told me about the note on Tuesday, though he wouldn’t let me read it) and now? He totally regrets doing it. I spent last night, and this morning, coaching him on how to handle the teasing. The more he lets on it bugs him, the more they will tease him. So … he must take it like a man and shrug it off. If confronted? I told him he just needs to shrug and say, “So I like A. Big deal.”

We’ll see how it turns out when I pick him up from school today. Ah … the heartaches of adolescence.

You couldn’t PAY me to relive those years.

Seriously.

ACK! I’m losing focus again. Must. Get. Back. On. Track.

Later dudes.

ADDED: I keep forgetting to pass this on, but I’m the admin for Write Anything and every second Saturday of the month, we hold a Creative Carnival. So, if you would like to add some of your writing (classified as nonfiction, fiction, essay, and poetry), submit your links. But hurry! You have until 11:00 p.m. central time to do so!!

Life

Message in the Sand

Karen

Don’t forget to submit your Coffee Chat links!

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Well, he does. 😀

(And btw, these sandals are the real deal. You can buy them here).

How is your Sunday going? Things are pretty typical here. After we have Bible study, we’ll go about our normal business – meaning I’ll work on my chores (laundry, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming), the hubs will likely do something outside or maintenance around the house (yesterday he put a new door knob on the door that leads out to our garage) and the boys will do what they do best – play video games. *smile*

We don’t do a lot on the weekends. We usually use this time to just decompress and relax. We’re big homebodies and we loathe getting out in the public when we’re out in the public all week long. (Well, my guys are, I’m pretty much stuck at home all day every day).

I do have a project I need to work on. The client has examined all three templates (whenever I design a full-fledged website, I design three templates) and wants to mix and match elements. Which I prefer, quite frankly, because then I know they are happy with every aspect of their website.

In addition, if I have time today, I plan on fine-tuning my personal website(s) – I’m toying with the idea of splitting my professional websites into two sections: small business and school websites in one section, blog templates and blog components in another website. I can’t quite figure out how I want to organize this because I’d like to keep my Write From Karen persona separate from my “professional” persona, if that makes sense.

I finished reading “The Surgeon” by Tess Gerritsen last night. I REALLY enjoyed it. It was a thriller and it had me on the edge of my seat the entire story. I would love to write like Gerritsen, she’s very talented. I also watched “The Bucket List” on the treadmill yesterday.

It’s hard to cry when you’re speed walking. 🙂

In between sweating buckets (get it? hehe), I ran MK over to a friend’s house where they made a video and then went back to get both of them so they could come over here and put in movie magic to upload to YouTube.

We’re like geek station.

I’ll most likely watch another movie on the treadmill today (I’m feeling so … blah, walking always perks me up). My movie choices are: “Definitely, Maybe,” or “Tara Road.”

The kids are doing great, so far. Though MK has started the year off by turning in a social studies’ assignment late (Grr) and we’re still waiting on GD’s history test grade. Our agreement is, if the boys’ grades drop to an overall C or C-, their play time is limited to three hours a night (the rationale being, they have more time to study), if their overall grades drop below a C-, then they lose all play time entirely.

We’ve found this method has worked very well over the years. The boys are motivated to continue doing well (because they aren’t really motivated otherwise) and maintaining good GPA’s means less stress for the whole household. I REALLY hope GD’s history grade doesn’t drop because of this test – or it’s going to be impossible to live with him until he brings it back up. (And by the way, he didn’t study very much for this test – so if he does poorly and loses his time, I’m quite certain he’ll take it more seriously the next go-around. Again, this is what works for our boys, especially GD. He’s extremely lazy).

Life is pretty uneventful on the WFK home front – how is your weekend going?

Life

Political Observations

Karen

So, I was going to write some fiction today …

FAIL.

I actually started to, but then I got side-tracked, REALLY side-tracked by reading other blogs, news sites and watching videos about Palin’s speech last night.

I won’t pretend to deny that I like the woman. I’ve always admired sheer guts and determination and I think she’s pretty awesome as a person. In fact, I’m seriously thinking about modeling my NaNoWriMo character after her.

But I do worry about her lack of experience. Vice President of the U.S of A. is a pretty big deal and though she’s kicked ass in Alaska, the population of Alaska is not QUITE the same thing. I do think her selling the private jet on eBay was hilarious, as well as firing the chef saying she could cook for herself. I appreciate people who trim the fat and aren’t afraid to reallocate funds into something more useful.

But some of the arguments against Palin are pretty valid and I’ve had a lot to think about today. I pride myself on keeping my options and opinions open because in my mind, just because McCain and Palin are the republican candidates doesn’t necessarily mean they are right for the job.

And yes, I consider myself a republican, though I don’t agree with everything they stand for. I guess you could classify me somewhere in between a liberal conservative and an independent – I believe government CAN be a good thing, if handled correctly, but I certainly don’t believe government should take over our lives or our paychecks and then blow it on inconsequential things.

I’m not trying to start a debate here, I just wanted to comment that before you make up your mind about our next president, weigh all the options and don’t just stick to being either a democrat or a republican because it’s just easier that way or you don’t have TIME to investigate the “other side.” (I actually read that as an excuse today – you don’t have time to take an interest in our country? Tsk tsk).

In addition, I couldn’t believe the number of things I read today by people who totally and completely didn’t get Palin’s speech last night. For example, her reference to Obama parting the waters – someone actually thought that had something to do with her stance on environmental issues.

*blink*

She was referring to Obama’s overall “divine” attitude that he seems to be oozing lately.

It’s interesting to me how people refuse to remove the blinders from their eyes when it comes to hot issues. I suppose I’m just as bad, though I do try and at least LISTEN to what others have to say as opposed to listening to what I want to hear and discarding the rest as rubbish.

There’s really no purpose behind this post, I just felt like making some observations. I truly love studying human nature – it fascinates me. It’s amazing how many different attitudes and viewpoints there are when we all really want the same thing – peace, success and comfortable living conditions.

It’s too bad we can’t just all agree and work to make that happen. I hate all of this democrat vs. republican division and just wish we could live in harmony.

Now who’s living in fantasy land, eh?

I guess, what I’m trying to say is, if people would clamp down on their tempers and emotions and listen with an objective mind to everything that is being said, it would be a whole lot easier to come to a rational and logical decision about who’s the right person to be the next president of the United States.

UNITED States, now there’s an oxymoron for you.

Life

Let’s Talk About Men

Karen

Don’t forget to submit your Coffee Chat links!

Now that’s a loaded title, don’t you think? I can’t claim to KNOW men, but I can claim to UNDERSTAND men – at least, on an elemental level.

I’ve never had very many girlfriends. And this was a conscious decision on my part. Women … irritate me. I can’t handle all of the emotional crap that women put themselves through on a daily basis. I mean, sure, I have emotions too, but I honestly try not to take my emotions out on those around me. (Unless of course that emotion has anything to DO with that person and then watch out, mister).

But I have days when I’m feeling snarky … just because. I could blame it on hormones, and I suppose that that’s true to an extent, but there are days I just feel cranky and everything sets me off. I feel it, I recognize it and I tell my guys, “Hey. I am feeling on edge today so please, don’t push my buttons.” Of course, if they elect to push my buttons *cough*GD*cough*, then they deserve what they get, no?

I’ve learned over the years, and through many, many ugly moments (like nearly getting fired), that it’s not fair to take my bad moods out on those around me. Whether that’s family, friends, co-workers or stupid drivers. It’s MY problem and I’LL deal with it.

I recognize this irrational behavior in myself and it irritates the ever loving crap out of me when I’m around women who DON’T recognize it. I just want to take them by the shoulders, shake them until their teeth rattle and snarl into their face, “Get a hold of yourself, woman!”

Apparently, I have anger issues as well. But that’s another post.

So, I’ve always been one of those females who got along better with the guys than with the girls. Guys are so … different. They’re simple and mellow. They don’t play head games and though they may not tell you how they feel, it’s not hard to figure it out because, well, they’re simple.

And I’m not saying that in a disparaging way, that’s just the way they are programmed.

I knew all of this on a fundamental level growing up but it wasn’t until I took some communication classes in college (not that those classes taught me anything about the opposite sex but rather taught me HOW to communicate on a non-threatening level – which, incidentally, I think everyone should learn), and listened to Dr. Laura that I truly began to understand how men tick.

They are “do” creatures. They are natural problem solvers. So when we feel like whining or just blowing off steam, they feel helpless because they feel a need to “fix” whatever it is that’s bothering us, unless we tell them otherwise. (“I just need to vent. You don’t need to do anything, just listen to me for five minutes, okay?”)

I think taking the initiative to learn more about men has helped my relationship with my husband. I “get” him. I do. I understand his thought process and I have learned, over the years, what irritates him and what pleases him. I can even tell what he’s thinking by his facial expressions and how he’s going to react by his body language. HOW did I learn all of this?

By paying attention.

I think women are so self-centered nowadays. It’s all about how SHE feels, or how SHE deals with things. It’s a selfish attitude and one that I think gets women into trouble – a lot.

Look. I realize women have it harder. We are responsible for so many things on both a physical and emotional level. I get that. I live that. But we’re not the tougher sex for no reason – it’s because we can handle it. And we can handle our relationships better if we know where the men are coming from.

It really is true that all we have to do is bat our eyelashes and act all slutty flirty to get our men to do what we want. Take it or lump it, that’s just the way it is.

But they’re also human beings with feelings and they don’t like being treated as if they are stupid or inadequate any less than we do. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been out shopping and witnessed a woman berating her husband and generally treating him like a child with little to no brain in front of a crowd of people. Poor guy. Perhaps he does deserve to be berated, men aren’t perfect and they can certainly be jerks at times, but NO ONE deserves to be publicly humiliated. If you are honestly having trouble communicating with your spouse, then seek counseling, not a public audience.

How is bursting his eardrum going to help the situation?

And yes, of course I’ve done it. I think all women lose their cool with their boyfriends/husbands out in public at one time or another. It’s frustrating to get them to focus sometimes. But the few times I’ve raised my voice or made angry gestures at my husband in public … well, I paid for it later. He let me know, in no uncertain terms (after we were alone) that he WOULD NOT tolerate being treated like that. Period. And when I stepped back from the situation and looked at it from his point of view, I was ashamed of myself.

No human being should ever be treated like that. He deserves so much better than my bitchy attitude. And I learned a lot about myself after those episodes, too.

Even though I can claim to know my husband, I can’t claim to know all men. Other men have different personalities, different backgrounds, and different emotional issues. And as a result of not knowing these things, I actively pursue the knowledge. I read a ton of relationship articles online. I enjoy reading “men’s” magazines and reading advice columns for men. A lot of times, I’m surprised by the sheer simplicity of the questions and answers – it seems so obvious to us women, but not to these poor guys. They aren’t good at “assuming” things – a lot of times it’s either black or white with them.

They don’t DO the whole reading between the lines thing like we can.

I also read Letter’s from Johns. In addition, I read blogs by prostitutes, too. Not for the sleaze factor (though that can be debatable depending on your definition of sleaze), but because I’m truly curious to know WHY men feel compelled to cheat. And I’m truly curious to know WHY women choose to be prostitutes.

The rationale, or reasons, for doing what they do is just fascinating to me. Sometimes, I find myself rolling my eyes and thinking, “that’s just an excuse to get out of DEALING with [insert issue here].” But other times, I can see where they are coming from. And reading these perspectives helps me for two reasons:

1. It shows me what NOT to do in my own relationship – so, in essence, I learn from their experiences.

2. It gives me an inside look at human nature. Which, in turn, will help me write better stories.

I hope.

Now before any of you think I approve of men seeking prostitutes or that I think it’s okay for women to turn tricks, I don’t. But it’s reality. And for the most part, it makes me feel sorry for these people who have, for whatever reasons, decided to turn down this path. They’re all seeking something … something they aren’t receiving in their “real” lives. There’s an element missing from their lives and I find that incredibly sad. What a terrible way to live – to feel incomplete in some way and desperate enough to try and find it down this particular dark alley.

So yes, I read about the darker sides of relationships. I do it to learn and observe the male species.

And I’ve learned A LOT.