Category: Life

Life-condensed

Not Your Typical Female

Karen

I think there is something seriously wrong with me.

I don’t like to shop. I could give a monkey’s butt whether my home decor matches or not (overly much). I love shoes, but I do not obsess over shoes and I would rather go to my OB-GYN than shop for clothes – okay, maybe not, but it’s CLOSE.

And I look like Sarah Palin – at least, according to my husband’s family. Personally? I don’t see it. I have brown hair and brown eyes and that’s where the resemblance ends, in my opinion. Palin is gorgeous. Me? I scare babies on GOOD days.

But I digress …

We went to the hospital last night to have a pizza party with Nanny, who’s stuck in the hospital recovering from pneumonia. (She looked MUCH better!!) And we’re loud enough that we chase every other non-family member out of the waiting room.

We have the place to ourselves.

We laugh. We joke. And I listen to my sisters-in-law swap stories about people they know from church and/or homeschool co-op because they both homeschool their four kids – each.

I’m left out in left field – as usual.

They don’t mean to exclude me, it’s just they are together, face-to-face, for like the first time in weeks and they naturally want to catch up. Me? I’m the black sheep in the family because I’ve opted to send my boys to public school.

It’s a thorn that never really gets plucked. And I’m not going to pluck it now.

But I’m sitting there, listening to both my SIL’s and my MIL talk about the great deals at TJ Maxx and I’m thinking, “What? Who has time to shop? Who WANTS to shop? Who wants to spend that kind of money on clothes/shoes/home decor when there are electronic gadgets to buy and play with!”

Clearly, I’m strange. I feel so … unfeminine around them (is that even a word?)

The husband and I talked about this the other day when he went over to a co-worker’s house (to drop off a grill – long story), and commented about how GORGEOUS their house was. He lamented on the fact that he would like to have a big brick house like that someday.

My response? “You REALLY want to spend all that money just to live in a fancy-smancy house with fancy-smancy stuff?”

He thought about it for a minute and shook his head.

I didn’t think so. And I concur. We’d rather pay off bills and use the extra money to buy new computers, cameras, and every other cool gadget that comes out.

I felt really strange listening to my in-law family talk about everything that I could care less about.

I think that’s a big reason why I don’t have a best girlfriend – I’m not your typical female, I guess.

Bummer.

Life

Silence Works for Me

Karen

I did something a little naughty, a little sneaky yesterday. I revealed something to my husband that I’ve been hiding since May.

Let’s backup and I’ll start at the beginning.

My husband called me at 9:30 yesterday morning. His grandmother has been in the hospital for the past few days because of pneumonia. She was supposed to come home over the weekend, but she’s worse off than they thought and now they are keeping her for another week. Poor woman.

So, he suggested we meet for lunch and then we would make a trip up to the hospital to see her.

When he called, I was still in my gym shorts and without makeup (which, I’m embarrassed to say, is usually the case because I like to get all of my sweaty work – working out, housecleaning – done before I get cleaned up because hello?! Who wants to take two showers in one day? Not me!). I jumped into the shower, got all dolled up and he came to pick me up. We ran to Hallmark, picked out a nice get well card for her and then headed to San Francisco Oven to have an early lunch. (I had the chicken salad on a croissant – why yes, it was as good as it sounds. *grin*).

We had a really nice lunch. Actually, we always have nice lunches. As mentioned, my husband and I are great friends – we always find stuff to talk about.

ANYway, on our way to the hospital, I looked over at him and said, “I have a surprise for you.”

And judging by the look on his face, we weren’t exactly thinking the same things – if you know what I mean. *nudgenudge*

I pull out a check and hand it over to him. He takes one look at it and then chuckles. “You sneak! How long have you been holding out on me?”

“Since May,” I tell him and immediately feel an overwhelming wave of relief wash over me. I don’t like keeping secrets from my husband but sometimes? It’s necessary.

I just finished another school website. But my husband didn’t even know I had been working on another project because I hadn’t told him. And I hadn’t told him because whenever I’m working on something, he tends to nag question me about it a thousand times a day.

And that just puts too much pressure on me. I’m VERY easy going when it comes to business (HINTHINT). I prefer to have the project finished before I accept (full) payment because I want to make sure we’re all happy with the results. Nothing freaks me out more than doing a project for someone, presenting it and they think, “I just paid x-amount of money for this crap??”

Just the thought of that makes me break out in a cold sweat.

I also don’t push people. They will get back to me when they have a chance. I hate to be a bother. (See? Very easy going). And I figure, if people need to make payments on the balance due, then so be it. It’s all about the budget, we all know this.

But the husband. *sigh* He’s an accountant and very task-oriented. And he likes to get things DONE. As in NOW. As in YESTERDAY. So, he doesn’t QUITE understand my laissez faire attitude about my work.

So, I’ve found it’s easier on me if I simply don’t tell him anything until everything has been completed and I have the check in my hands.

I wasn’t sure how he would take the fact that I kept this from him. At first, he was amused. Then he was delighted (it was a nice chunk of change, after all). But then, he got to thinking about it and he became a bit annoyed.

“This makes me wonder how many more things you’re keeping from me.”

Ah, if the man only knew. *wink*

So … I’m learning to keep my mouth shut. Not only in regards to my projects, but in parenting, too. I’m finding GD opens up a lot more to me if I just simply SHUT UP.

For instance …

MK had to stay after school yesterday for pep band practice (he’s LOVING it btw. The music is really kicky and fun). So, it was just me and GD. I asked him the obligatory questions, “How was your day? Did you hand in your graphic design project …”

And I got the obligatory answers, “Fine. *grunt*”. You know how it is with teenagers.

We got home and I went about my business. Out of the blue, and completely unexpectedly, GD walks up to me and tells me about his good marks he received on his weekly Japanese tests (he has two – written and oral – yes, he has to speak Japanese, in front of the class!). He’s quite proud of himself (as are we!); he’s getting a B+ in the class (this is the same boy who failed Spanish).

After I praised him, he went on to tell me about the conversations he was having with an online buddy of his who is Japanese. They were chatting with each other in Japanese. How cool! And how cool is it that he volunteered that information to me??

And then later, as the husband and I are watching “Mad Money” (that show is COMPLETELY over my head but Jim Cramer amuses me because he’s so dramatic), GD shows us the graphic design project he’s been working on.

It looked professional. And I’m not just saying that because he’s my son – it honest to God looked professional.

We were very impressed.

So I think it’s safe to say that this school year is going very well for GD. And I think he’s enjoying himself. I can’t TELL you what a relief that is to me. I mean seriously, GD hasn’t shown this much interest in school since second grade.

Thank you God.

GD and I will have a little more “alone” time today. I have to pick him up from school and take him to a dentist appointment. They are prepping his bottom teeth for a retainer – he has a pretty narrow jaw and if they don’t put a retainer in, it will gradually shrink back and throw his bite off.

I had to give GD a note to give to the attendance office this morning. This meant *gasp* he would have to make a trip to the office and get a pass so he could leave class. I’m curious to hear how that process went.

At 11:15, he’s supposed to walk out of class and meet me. I’ll take him to his appointment and grab something for him to eat while he’s being worked on. We’ll have lunch together afterwards, I’ll coax him into taking some Tylenol (because his mouth will likely be sore) and then take him back to school.

He was a little bummed because I wasn’t going to just allow him to take off the rest of the day, but he’ll get back to school at about 12:45 – leaving a good two hours of school left before he’s dismissed. It’ll be easier for the boy if he’s there as opposed to taking the initiative to find out what he missed later.

Later, we’re all supposed to head back up to the hospital to have pizza with the husband’s family and his sick grandmother. He has family in from out of town and we had originally planned to meet at a pizza parlor but considering poor Nanny is stuck at the hospital, we didn’t feel right leaving her out. So we’ll gather together and eat pizza in a little reception area the hospital said we could use.

I dread it. Not because I don’t want to see his grandmother (I have a soft spot for her – she helped watch GD when I was still working – but that’s another story), but because that hospital STINKS. It smells like sickness and death and the air is so close it’s suffocating. I’ve already told the boys to try not to touch anything and please, don’t put your hands by your face.

I guess you could say I’m a bit of a germ freak. Or just a freak – that works, too. 🙂

null

Life

Through the Eyes of a Teenager

Karen

I watched “The Secret” Saturday on the treadmill … and it got me thinking.

First of all, if you’re not familiar with the story – a mother and her daughter are going on a trip. And they have an accident. They are laying, side-by-side in the emergency room and the mother wakes up long enough to tell her husband that she loves them (they have a great relationship) and just when you’re about to get all gooey over the lovey-dovey stuff, the daughter flat lines.

The mother goes crazy and DEMANDS that her bed be rolled closer so she can hold her daughter’s hand. She’s screaming her name at the top of her voice – it brought goose bumps to my arms, quite frankly. I can’t imagine witnessing my child’s death.

I guess the trama of the situation is too much for the mother and she also flat lines. The doctors are on the verge of pronouncing them both dead when suddenly, they discover a pulse in the daughter.

The daughter wakes up, but she’s not HER, but rather her MOTHER. What follows is a series of coping scenes, blahblahblah. I won’t spoil it for you.

But suffice it to say, it was a bizarre, and rather interesting premise.

It got me thinking about my son’s high school experiences and what it was like to be a teenager in general. There is a lot of pressure – both internally and externally.

The girl’s raging hormones is one issue. She’s incredibly angry, insecure and horny all at the same time (remember those days? Ugh). And then, there’s a scene where she’s walking into school, as her mother, mind you, so everything and everyone is strange, and just a bit scary, given the personalities of some of the students.

I pray GD doesn’t have to walk down hallways like that. But how do I know?

I’m switching tracks for minute to tell you about a conversation we (the entire family) had over the weekend – stay with me, I have a point, honest.

MK plans on playing with the high school band at an upcoming Friday football game (he plays the saxophone, for you newcomers). So, we’re going to both support him and to attend a football game – the first one GD has been to since starting high school.

He’s not thrilled about going. In fact, he’s being a downright jerk about it. I think it’s important for him to attend at least ONE high school football game for the experience, right? And who knows? Maybe he’ll enjoy himself.

But I don’t understand where he’s coming from. WHY doesn’t he have any school spirit? When I questioned him on it, he said he didn’t mind going to support MK, but he had no interest in supporting his school because he hated his school.

Hearing him say that just breaks my heart. I mean, I couldn’t stand high school at that age, either. But I DID have school spirit and would defend my school to anyone who bad-mouthed it.

The way he said it led me to believe it goes beyond the normal homework/structure/getting up at an ungodly hour to attend school issues too. He told me that he hates his school because of all the crap that goes on right before his eyes.

The same kind of crap that was going down in the high school hallway in the movie.

The loud laughter. The shoving/pushing. The teasing. The tough talk. The crazy clothes combination. And the drug/cigarette exchanges. Right in front of his eyes.

This makes GD VERY uncomfortable. In fact, it’s safe to say, it scares him. We’ve talked to him about the dangers of smoking/drugs since he was a small boy in grade school. He knows how it can mess up your life.

And yes, he told me that kids have offered him smokes/drugs.

He doesn’t like any of it. He doesn’t like being around any of it. And of course, I don’t like him around it, either. But if you think, for one minute, that kids in private schools, Christian schools, even some homeschooled kids, aren’t offered smokes and/or drugs when you’re not around, you’re kidding yourself. It happens everywhere.

As a result of this crap that’s going on around him, he has lumped all of the bad into his overall opinion of the school. It sucks – mainly because of the few trouble kids. So, we talked about trying to focus on the good aspects of the school. His great teachers (which he seems to like this year), his buddies. The fact that they are pretty cool about leaving him alone and allowing him (encouraging him even) to take responsibility for himself (unlike his grade school who were CONSTANTLY breathing down that poor boy’s neck. I know they meant well, but geez louise, enough already).

And the fact that he hasn’t been to any sporting events and witnessed the excitement of the game, the crowd and the peppy cheerleaders leading the pack, well, I think he needs to experience that and see for himself that his school? Is not all bad. He just needs to be exposed to more good things. (We also plan on attending the school musical – I think that would be something else he needs to experience – especially since I talk about my AWESOME drama days when I was in high school).

Watching “The Secret” reminded me of all the crap teenagers have to go through nowadays. It’s so easy to bury our parental heads in the sand and just assume that when we drop our children off at the door, their day is going to be as innocent and carefree as their grade school days.

They are not.

Their days are chocked full of angst, insecurities and uncomfortable situations. And if I could live my son’s high school years for him to spare him the grief of simply being young and unsure of where he fits into the human race, believe you me, I would.

Though the movie wasn’t that great (though it wasn’t that bad, either), it did encourage me to look through my sons’ eyes and see their world from their perspective. Though I will never fully know what happens to them while they are walking those hallways, I think just being AWARE of their difficulties will help me, and them, get through these difficult years.

Friday Fun, Life

Friday Fleeting Thoughts

Karen

This week was crazy.

In between battling numerous website requests (which is my job by the way – I’m not complaining, just saying), and getting this elementary school website up and running, (which still needs some tweaking but honestly, what website doesn’t?) I haven’t had a lot of time to think outside my Dreamweaver box.

Things have quiet down for me, though, and I can breathe for the first time all week. I had some stomach pain two days out of this week and I’m wondering if I may have an ulcer? Or perhaps it was just stress? Who knows. I feel better now (now that the waters have calmed) and am ready to take on more projects (hinthint – you know who you are).

In short, my brain is scrambled. But this of course, will not keep me from blabbing nonsense at you, so here’s what’s on my mind:

I told the Write Anything writers they could take a week off in October so I could post a week-long “seminar”, if you will, about how-to write a novel. Now that the time has arrived, I have nothing. I haven’t even begun to PLAN for this week-long seminar. Swell. Chock this up to another one of my hare-brained ideas that sounded good at the time. I will, however, throw something together because I did promise – and I keep my promises.

I’m getting quite nervous about my contribution to the Chapter Seven project. We’re currently on chapter two. I believe I’m scheduled to write chapter six – in a science fiction story. ZOINK! Science fiction is NOT my bag and I hope my part doesn’t totally suck. We plan on posting this story in November on the Write Anything blog – I’ll post my chapter and the link to the full story when the time arrives. This, of course, would be another one of my hare-brained ideas.

I installed Carbonite.com on my computer four days ago. For those that don’t know about this nifty program:

Carbonite installs a small application on your computer that works quietly in the background looking for new and changed files that need to be backed up. It looks and feels just like part of your computer, and is integrated with your desktop — there’s no new interface for you to learn.

In essence, it continously backs up your computer whenever you change/update any of your files so that if your computer crashes, Carbonite will restore your data.

Sounds good on the surface, right? So, I downloaded the 15-day free trial and today, four days after installing the thing, it has finally backed up all of my files. Now granted, I had to pause the process several times because even though Carbonite works in the background and doesn’t really slow my computer process down, it does drag our internet connection down. And when you have three other people sucking bandwidth, it can get ugly.

I’m not sure if I’ll pay the $50 dollars annual fee required for a full membership yet – so far, I haven’t been that impressed, but it WOULD be nice to not have to worry about keeping hard copies around as much (you should always have hard copies anyway). We’ll see. My free trial is up in eleven days. If I don’t buy the full subscription, then Carbonite will just delete my files.

My husband’s toe is better. He didn’t go to the doctor (I knew he wouldn’t) and though it’s still not 100%, he can move it and the swelling has gone down. It still pains him to wear his dress shoes though and I think that’s just because they are too small. This man of mine is awfully stubborn and refuses to accept the fact that his body is changing as he gets older and that his feet are just wider than they used to be. I’ll most likely drag him to the shoe store this weekend for bigger, and more comfortable, shoes.

By the way, the slick horizontal lines you see throughout this post? You can do the same thing on your blog by inserting this code
null

Just a little code tip for you this Friday.

I am now actively on the prowl for 16 gifts for GD. His 16th birthday is coming up in November and I really want to give him 16 little gifts throughout his day to make it special for him. My mom did that for me on my 16th birthday and that is one of the few birthdays I can remember because it was so much fun! I have a few ideas: Microsoft points (he can cash those in to buy games for the XBox), Wii points (same thing), Mountain Dew (the boy is a Mt. Dew FREAK) … and that’s about it for now. Yeah, this is going to be tough. I don’t think this would have been so hard if he was a she – I mean, what girl wouldn’t want lip gloss and makeup? However, I’m lucky if GD combs his hair in the morning so grooming items? Would be a total wash. If you have any suggestions on what to buy a 16-year old hard-core gamer boy, trust me, I’m all ears.

I did stumble across some UBER cool cupcakes though:


super mario cupcakes 2, originally uploaded by hello naomi.

Aren’t these sweet? (pun intended). Actually, MK might get a kick out of these more than GD since MK is OBSESSED with anything Mario. But wow, if I could find some edible gaming thing like this, I’d be in heaven! I wonder if she does Halo? And if she would SELL them to me??

(By the way, you MUST see her robot cupcakes – YOU MUST! GO NOW! Then come back, please. 🙂 )

I did not go to the husband’s company picnic yesterday. I know. I feel REALLY BAD about that. But I had an excuse (albeit flimsy at best) – MK had his saxophone lessons. And they were smack dab in the middle of the thing. Well, we could have gone before his lessons, but the kids had homework. So, if we had gone, it would have only been for about 30 minutes. We did end up dropping by as everyone was leaving, and I think that made the husband happy – but I still feel guilty that he was surrounded by co-workers and their families and we weren’t there.

It wasn’t a good wife moment.

But while at the music store, MK and I noticed they got a new saxophone in. He’s been on the prowl for a more sophisticated, BLACK sax. We priced the two shiny, black saxs they had in stock – holy mother of God – they are freaking expensive. And we’re not QUITE sure we can justify allowing a 13-year absent-minded kid to walk around with a $3,000 saxophone.

But they are cool, truly. And he’s proven to us he’s serious about playing sax; he’s been playing for a solid two years. And he plans on playing all through high school. (Which is another bone of contention – a $3,000 sax in marching band??)

He’s even hinted around that if that is all Santa brings him for Christmas, he’d be one happy boy.

*sigh* No pressure, Santa.

But last night, as we were leaving, we noticed they have a black matte saxophone – and WOWSIERS. That thing blinds you with its coolness. In fact, MK actually started salivating – I had to hand him a napkin. He wants it; he wants it BAD. And considering the boy is going to be playing his fingers off this year (band, jazz band, pep band, honors and competitions) it’s not like we would buy it and then it would sit around and collect dust.

Yes, I’m going to call today and see how much it’s going to cost. We have some equity built up in his old sax, and then there’s the book value of his old sax (which isn’t much, you know how that goes), but still, every little bit helps. And they have a 12-month no interest thing and we can probably pay it off in a year …

I don’t know. What would you do? Your child LOVES playing the saxophone. He’s scheduled to play A LOT in the coming months. He’s proven that he’s careful and responsible with the one he has now (though I don’t trust other kids and if anything happened to it we would totally press charges), and it’s the only thing he wants for Christmas.

To me, that says he’s serious.

Update: I just called the music store and we ran some numbers on the black matte sax – WOW. It’s the most expensive yet. The husband is not going for it. He says we don’t always get what we want. I agree with that, but it breaks me heart to have to deny MK this luxury. 😦

Life

The Little Girl Within

Karen

I was told I have a little girl’s heart.

I’m still not quite sure how I feel about that, though I will say I agree with that assessment overall.

I had lunch with my mother yesterday. We went to Schlotzsky’s. I had a Santa Fe sandwich and my mom had the new cheesy bacon sandwich sans the chipotle sauce. We ate and chit-chatted for two hours.

Two emotion-filled hours – at least for me.

And we really didn’t talk about anything deeply emotional, though a few emotional topics were brought up; I just think I’m at a point in my life where I’m taking everything personally. And I’m writing about these events here, on this blog, and people in my life are taking it the wrong way.

It’s not that I’m distorting the facts, per se, but I do tend to exaggerate, or embellish, the events and my thoughts about said events mainly because it’s more interesting to write and read that way. I’ve always been a dramatic person, I suppose that drama plays itself out in my writing, too.

On the one hand, I feel like I should apologize for my entries. But on the other hand, I get ticked off because this is my journal, these are my thoughts and feelings about my life and I shouldn’t have to apologize for that. I’m a fair person, and I try, really hard, to maintain an air of fairness when I write about my life.

I realize I don’t get the facts straight. I realize that my memory sucks and that 9 times out of 10 I don’t remember things correctly. But being accurate is not really what I’m striving for, but rather, I’m more interested in recording my thoughts and feelings about these events. I write these things down for two reasons:

1. It’s a sort of therapy, if you will. I don’t have any close friends, though my husband certainly ranks right up there, he’s a man. And a man can only listen so long before it just becomes too much, you know? I’m not blaming him, that’s just the way he’s programmed. And considering I’m by myself all day long, with no one to talk to, I treat my blog as my outlet – both emotional and creative.

2. I really want my children to understand why I did some of the things I did. Or why I reacted to a certain situation in a specific way. Someday, I really want them to read my journal over and think, “Ah ha! So THAT’S who my mother was.”

And no, they don’t read my journal now. I wouldn’t want them to. Not because of anything I share about them, but because I would be embarrassed to face issues with them right now – it’s all still recent and raw. I need time to adjust, both to situations and within myself.

It seems like I’m taking everything waaaay too seriously nowadays. I’m taking things people say the wrong way; I’m taking it personally. I’d like to say this is something new, that I wasn’t always this way, but I’d be lying. I’ve always been this way, it just seems like recently it’s become a problem – for both me and the people around me.

I can’t really explain WHY I’m so sensitive lately – I just am. I’m finding I’m even taking email correspondence the wrong way – so much so, in fact, that I’ve had to shut my email program down so I could breathe. I’m feeling suffocated, used and stomped on and I don’t like that feeling – at all.

Remember when I lectured MK about knowing where to draw the line when it came to being too nice to people? I think I need to practice what I preach. I LOVE helping people. I LOVE doing things for people, but lately? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of – that I’m working my butt off and not really being compensated. That used to be enough for me, back in the days I volunteered for a few things and had the time and energy to juggle everything. But now? I think I may be taking on more than I can handle. And I’m not charging NEARLY enough for the time I’m putting into these projects.

And that’s getting me down a little bit.

I need a vacation and we’re only in the fifth week of school.

I know things will settle down – it’s always crazy when school starts back up – but this year has been close to insane. I feel like I’m reaching my breaking point now, after four years of this craziness. I don’t want to quit. I will not quit – that’s not who I am. But I need to find a new balance both with my work and within myself (or hire an assistant – hmm … )

My son tells me I’m too sensitive. My husband tells me to relax. My mother tells me I have a little girl’s heart and that I care too much about what people think about me.

And they’re all right. I wonder if it’s all emotional or if there’s something going on with me physically. I will be 43 on my next birthday – am I going through “the change?” Could that account for the fact that I’ve been a walking wound lately?

Who knows. All I know is that little girl inside of me? She’s hugging her teddy bear and crying silent tears.

Life

Do I Have a Sexist Son?

Karen

Why do women get married in white?
So they match the kitchen appliances!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

Why don’t women wear watches?
There’s a clock on the stove.

These are the kinds of jokes GD has been telling lately.

Now, my panties aren’t so far up my crack that I get totally out of shape when he makes these jokes, but after a while?

Enough is enough.

I explain, of course, that these jokes are inappropriate and that women are just as capable as men in nearly every aspect of life (and when I say nearly, I mean they can’t impregnate other women, so again, relax).

And that men are JUST as capable of performing “womanly” duties – stay home, take care of the house, care for the children, cook, sew, etc.

In fact, I’ll be the first to admit that my husband is a WAY better cook than I am.

But I suppose it still irritates me that we still have gender roles to begin with. Since when did it become the mother’s job to take care of the kids? She didn’t have them by herself. The men are just as responsible. Since when did it become the man’s job to make sure the lawns mowed? Women are just as capable of getting out there and mowing the grass (though I don’t – because I’m spoiled. But I COULD. That’s my point. *grin*).

I KNOW GD is joking. I KNOW he doesn’t really think of women like this, that he and his buddies are just having some fun. And he’s trying on the whole “male” persona by trying to act all manly and tough and he’s struggling to find his “role” in humanity as a whole.

And before any of you get bent of out shape, don’t call the kettle black. I’m sure teenage girls are making just as many disparaging remarks about the guys – it’s a double-edged sword after all. Heck, I did it when I was that age. In fact, I still do it when I’m feeling irritated with my husband or my sons (I’m SURROUNDED by testosterone. I can’t breathe sometimes).

And please don’t lecture me about “Well, it starts as a joke and then it becomes an attitude and before you know it, women are right back where we started before the whole women’s movement … ” blahblahblah.

We have to lighten up on this whole thing. Truly. I think it’s important to teach my son the difference between when and where those jokes are “funny” (and I have to admit, some of them are), and when they are not and that in the long run, they really are insulting to women as a whole and how would he feel if someone pushed him into a stereotypical box and treated him as such? (The whole geek/nerd persona – see? Just typing those words and you already have a picture in your mind).

It’s all about empathy, really. Looking at a different perspective, trying on different gender shoes.

So, I treat the jokes as that – jokes. Granted, BAD jokes, but they are simply nothing more than his way of testing my reaction, to see how far he can push the son/mother, male/female boundary.

I’ve nagged lectured patiently explained that women, in general, do not like these kinds of jokes and that if he continues to tell them, or continues to harbor that attitude, he’ll be a very lonely, old man.

And I want grandchildren, dang it.

But I’m truly not worried about the boy; I know, in my gut, he doesn’t really think this way.

He’s just trying to get my attention. Which, in some ways, I think men who make sexist remarks to women are just trying to do. I’m not saying this is a GOOD strategy, in fact, it has quite the opposite effect, quite frankly, but why else would a man even GO down that road nowadays when he knows it’ll A. get him slapped, B. get him sued, or C. both?

In fact, let me go out on the limb just a bit further and say, perhaps men make those snide, sexist remarks in an attempt to regain their masculinity? Because in a lot of ways, I think men have been emasculated and belittled so much over the years, that they truly don’t know HOW to act anymore. If they act like a man, they’re perceived as an asshole. If he acts more sensitive to a woman’s needs, he’s labeled a sissy.

Seriously, how can they win? Where exactly do they fit into this whole gender package?

So, in a way, I can understand why men make sexist jokes. And I’m hoping my understanding, or my willingness to empathize with the men and see how it is on their side of the fence, will translate over into my teaching GD that those sexist jokes? Are really so much more about trying to put women in their place, but perhaps, they are a way for him to find his place in a precarious gender mine field.

The final question is: Do I think I have a sexist son? No. I think I have a young man who’s testing the gender waters and finding they may be just a bit too hot for him to jump into at this point in his life.

null

Life-condensed

Tidbit: Caught Empty Handed

Karen

I was held prisoner in my own home yesterday.

The hubs, who wasn’t feeling the best to begin with, decided to seal our asphalt driveways yesterday. We’ve been having some pretty awesome weather – sunny and mid-70’s – so it was really the perfect time to get it done.

But it was also my mom’s birthday. And I needed to get out so I could buy her a gift and run it over to her house.

The husband’s plans trumped my own.

My mom and dad, who were out on this side of town anyway, dropped by. I was pretty embarrassed to be gift-less. I know she doesn’t care, but I do. Though I would buy her a gift regardless, I feel it’s especially important to bestow attention on her because my sister and brother tend to forget to acknowledge her special day.

I’m usually pretty good at keeping on top of birthdays and normally, I would have bought her gift several days in advance. But this year, I simply didn’t know what to give her. I usually give her a sweater, which she’s always delighted with (at least, I think she is), but I don’t know, it just didn’t feel right this year. I was going to send her an electronic gift card through JCPenney, but I couldn’t figure out how to send it directly to her – it kept wanting to send it to me first and I’m assuming I was supposed to forward it on to her from that point.

How stupid is that??

So, my folks came by and I was empty handed. I did have a card for her, but I didn’t feel like it was ENOUGH. Though I know my mom doesn’t want, or expect, a gift on her birthday, I still WANT to do something for her.

This year, for some reason, I simply couldn’t figure out what that might be.

We’ve made plans to have lunch on Tuesday. Perhaps spending time together will be enough?

This is assuming my presence IS enough. I hate disappointing people.