Category: Life

Life

Labor Day Wrap-up

Karen

I apologize if this entry is boring, but considering I blog to journal my life, and this is what we did over Labor Day weekend … well, it’s a bit tedious. I remember my grandmother used to write in a diary and she would document her days, the weather, what she had to eat, what she wore, the conversations she had and though that sounds boring on the surface, it wasn’t. In fact, it was strangely … comforting to read about her mundane life.

I miss you grandma.

I’m writing this from Cooper Creek Campground in Branson, Missouri. We arrived at the park Friday night at 5:30. We had to rush to get going after the boys got out of school and as a result, we forgot quite a few things.

But we’ve adapted.

The campground is packed – there isn’t an empty site to be found. The weather has been perfect – sunny and mid-80’s. The air coming off the lake is cool and refreshing.

And judging by the weather reports, we took this camping trip just in time – Hurricane Gustav (?) is heading toward the Gulf of Mexico and though that weather won’t affect us for a few days, it will indeed affect us – we have rain in the forecast for most of next week.

The only flies in our perfect ointment are:

We’re surrounded by dogs and children. The dogs howl and bark, the children scream and cry. We actually saw one little guy wipe out on his bike when he zoomed past us on the hill, swerved, lost control, sailed over the handlebars and fall face first on the gravel and concrete.

He wasn’t wearing a helmet. Luckily, the boy was okay and walked away, his lower lip trembling as he tried to absorb his stinging wounds. Why his parents allowed him (this boy couldn’t have been more than six) to ride his bike without safety gear on, in my opinion, is not only foolhardy but a form of child abuse.

All four of us witnessed the little boy fall – the husband and I thanked the Lord that he wasn’t our little boy and our boys walked away learning the importance of protecting themselves in precarious situations.

The bathrooms? Are ½ mile away from our campsite. In fact, we are in the next to last campsite in the park. I made the reservations at the last minute and we were lucky to get a spot at all. I usually request a space near the bathrooms (we use our camper bathroom as a storage closet – though this trip the guys did use it for peeing only. Not me, I’d rather hike the ½ mile to the bathrooms – I’m funny like that) but unfortunately, I forgot this go-around and now we I have had to hike to take a pee and a shower.

But I’m not complaining too loudly, it gives me the opportunity to walk off the excess food that I’ve been eating (there’s just something about camping and pigging out).

The neighbors to our left moved in late last night. In fact, we didn’t even know we HAD neighbors until we woke up this morning. It was really weird because when I woke up, started the coffee maker and opened the shades, it was like looking into a mirror. Our neighbor’s camper? Almost an exact replica as ours. The only difference is that they have a slide out – we do not.

I’m jealous.

They are from Oklahoma. The guy is a big dude – not fat, just big. The woman is thin and attractive and they have one lone boy with them – he’s about GD’s age – and painfully skinny. They have one small, quiet, brown and white Chihuahua that shakes whenever they take it for a walk.

All three people are wearing the same shirt so I’m assuming they are here for some sort of family reunion or some sort of organizational meeting.

The neighbors on our other side are two men. They are both large and overly hairy. I know this because they sit around their campground without shirts on. They are the only ones in the campground that are using a tent. They are driving a brownish-tan Dodge Ram 2500 pulling a very long and well used fishing boat. They left early this morning and are now back (5:00 pm.) and sitting in front of their tent watching various cars and people pass by.

They’re a bit creepy. They don’t talk very much, but they seem comfortable in each other’s presence. I have no idea if they caught any fish but judging by their self-satisfied expressions, I’m assuming they did.

This is the first time we’ve camped here that we haven’t been able to access WiFi. As a result, we’ve had to walk down to the office and use the small platforms they have nailed to the wall and sit on the hard, uncomfortable stools to check our email. The boys have been pretty bored without Internet, but they have adapted by playing around with a laptop the husband saved from a co-worker who was just going to throw it away. The husband simply reformatted it and it works like a charm now. The co-worker didn’t want it back (he had already bought a new laptop), so now the boys have a computer they can goof around with. And they have been the whole camping trip.

Isn’t it amazing what people are willing to throw away? One person’s trash, is another person’s treasure. *smile*

For me? I was disappointed at first whenever I first discovered I couldn’t establish a connection from our camper, but it’s been very nice to be FORCED away from cyber world.

I needed the break. Especially since these past few days have been insanely busy for me and I’ve been on the computer and working nearly 12-hour days.

We treated the boys to Bandana BBQ for dinner Friday night. I felt grungy, sweaty and completely underdressed, but Branson is a tourist town and they are used to seeing grungy, sweaty people.

Saturday, the husband I went to the new bookstore called “Books-A-Million” or BAM for short. In short, it’s a Barnes and Noble type of establishment and it was quite busy.

I was quite pleased to see people milling around. You hear how less and less people are actually reading and it was encouraging to see that at least in my area, that’s not entirely true.

I walked away from the bookstore with “Killer Smile” by Lisa Scottoline and “The PMS Murder” by Laura Levine. I like to try and buy at least one book from an author I’m not familiar with whenever I visit the bookstore.

I need to stop buying books and start reading books – my personal library is taking over the house.

Saturday night, we took the boys go-cart racing and it cost us $30.00. It was the best $30.00 we’ve spent in a long time. The cars were fast and the boys beat the pants off of me and the husband. In fact, I was a whole lap down from them. But judging by their flushed cheeks and excited lap recounts, they had a ball and we made another fun childhood memory.

After go-carts, we went putt-putting. We went to a very popular dinosaur-themed course and the place was wall-to-wall people. In fact, the back nine was so backed up we ended up standing around as opposed to actually playing. But the people were friendly and everyone was in good spirits so we had a good time.

The boys beat the pants off us again. Isn’t it amazing how kids adapt to sports/games? I felt awkward and stupid, but it was fun to be teased by the boys so I got over my feelings of inadequacy. *grin*

After we finished golfing, we went for ice cream. The husband and GD had chocolate malts, MK had a vanilla ice cream cup (he won’t eat any other flavor ice cream), I had a raspberry concrete.

Oh. My. Gosh. That raspberry concrete was TO DIE FOR. Very scrumptious and definitely a new favorite. It’s a good thing we’re so far from the bathrooms, I’ll definitely need to walk that those calories off.

We ended up spending $85. (I need to stop keeping a running total in my head. How can you put a dollar sign on family moments?) But we really had a great family night together and I’m so glad the husband and I decided to do this camping thing. You’ve heard me talk about how much work it is. And how uncomfortable it can be, but by golly, we’ve had the best times in our camper and we’ve walked away with some pretty fun stories in the process. I’m quite confident the boys will tell their kids about their camping trips with grandma and grandpa. *grin*

It’s now 7:57 a.m. Sunday morning. I’m the first one up, the guys are all sleeping in. It’s a cool, crisp morning and I wish I had brought some sweats with me. I just got back from the restrooms and I have goosebumps. The park is quiet, but it’s slowly coming to life. I can hear various birds chirping their morning songs and an occasional bump as people move about their RV’s.

I can smell bacon and coffee in the air – there is NOTHING like smelling bacon cooking at your campground early in the morning. It’s very … real and comforting.

I’m drinking my morning coffee and after I finish writing this, I’ll head to the showers. We really have nothing on tap for today’s activities. We’ll most likely spend a lazy day around the camper, though the husband and I will probably head out to some craft booths later today – I have a craving to buy a Christmas ornament (I have no idea why).

We might walk down to the lake and just sit and watch the people fish off the pier or the boats slowly float past. We don’t have anything planned for this evening, either. We’ll most likely pop some popcorn and watch a movie … or not. That’s the beauty of these little camping getaways – anything goes – our plans are wide open.

We’ll head back home tomorrow morning. We’re only about 45 minutes from home, so we’ll get home and unpack well before lunch. I’ll most likely catch up on laundry and clean the camper out, then I’ll catch up on emails and various other duties. We’ll have a relaxing afternoon at home before the kids go back to school and the husband goes back to work on Tuesday.

And life will resume its hectic, but very satisfying, pace.

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Life

The First Day of School – Years Later

Karen

My husband spent the entire weekend going through old home videos. In the process, he uploaded this one so that I could share it with you.

This video was shot in our screened-in back porch. We (well, the husband) has since enclosed it and it is now his office/music studio. I had no idea he even TOOK this video until this past weekend when he played it. (Talk about a nice surprise!!) I was working nights at Wal-Mart back then and missed a lot of the sweet, evening stuff that went on between father and sons. 😦 However, I’m SO THANKFUL that the husband had the foresight to “interview” the boys like this. What a precious moment in time!

And thank God for video cameras, eh?

Side note: I have NO IDEA why there were wild squirrels trapped in our porch. I guess they had somehow gotten in through a hole in the screen and made a home behind our lawn chairs. I’m surprised the boys could even form coherent sentences given that distraction, but there you go. Neither the husband, nor the boys, remember this moment in time which is really weird because how can you forget about wild squirrels chirping to be let out? It’s not like that happens every day.

But I digress …

Every time I hear the boys’ sweet voices on this video, my heart melts and I feel such an overwhelming feeling of tenderness toward them, I almost feel nauseous.

I’m thinking that’s a good thing? 🙂

My God, they were both so honest and full of boyish charm, weren’t they? I mean, they are full of charm now, but it’s a different sort of MANLY charm now – back then, they were simply scrumptious with their wide-eyed innocence and high-pitched little boy voices.

And I MISS their overall enthusiasm and optimism for school. They enjoyed it back then. They came home excited to tell me stories, or what so-and-so did that was so funny or how such-and-such chased them at recess or the new tricks they learned on the monkey bars. They were eager to learn and were so proud of their efforts.

And what is up with the cute adjectives my boys used in the video to describe their first days of school? Words like “perfect” and “super.” AARGH! Are they TRYING to kill me with their cuteness!! And when MK tells daddy about what he did that day, “We talk about the ruuuules. And we played outside … and we watched TV and uh … it was lunch time. And then it was lunch time again …”

HAHAHA! Sounds like MY day! 😉

Okay, not really. (I wish though).

Now? I’m lucky if I get more than a grunt of acknowledgement when I ask how their day went. And I consider myself fortunate if I happen to learn about anything school related. (Perhaps that’s why I so eagerly got involved with designing and maintaining school websites – to keep in the loop? To be a part of my boys’ lives whether I was invited or not? Hhmm… I smell an ulterior motive here.)

And forget about smiles. They ain’t happening. It’s “cooler” to frown nowadays. (I should know. Heh).

*sigh* Yes, I miss those sweet, innocent years. But instead of getting depressed about it, I’m now choosing to appreciate them in different ways. The fact that they can feed/bathe/entertain themselves. Their senses of humor and impeccable timing when they make off-the-wall comments that cause me to snort water up my nose. Their struggle for independence. Their surprising intellect and the fact that they “get” so much more than I give them credit for. The fact that they are really good, honest, fun kids and that the husband and I? We made some pretty awesome people, if I say so myself.

I used to cry on the first day of school. No scratch that, I used to BAWL my eyes out the first day of school. Would they be all right without me? Would they make friends? Would other kids be mean to them? Would they be able to keep up with their studies? Would they stay safe on the playground? Would they just stop growing up so fast!?

And then the rest of the day, I’d walk around like a zombie. Not sure what to do with myself because so much of myself was wrapped up in those two little boys. Around noon, I would jostle myself out of my numbness and proceed to finally take a shower and get my day started. And I would then purposefully stay busy so I wouldn’t think about them too much.

Things haven’t changed much over time. Though I didn’t cry this year (which is the first time, actually and I think that’s mainly due to the fact that both kids are going to the same schools as last year so there wasn’t really any “surprises” to deal with), I’m still in my PJ’s and sort of “in a zone.” I’ve had these boys close to my heart strings for the past three months and now … nothing. Silence.

Dead, dead silence.

*sigh* I need to pull myself together and get this day started. I think I’ll treat myself to a few Krispy Kreme cinnamon buns and some Starbucks coffee and “The Girl’s Guide to NASCAR.” (Heh! Curious? Check back later and I’ll tell you why I wanted to buy this book).

Hey, it’s HARD WORK letting your children grow up.

And just think, in three short years, GD will graduate from high school and then I’ll REALLY have something to cry about!!

EDIT: I just finished signing about ten million syllabi and it sounds like the boys are going to be QUITE busy this year. However, I was PLEASANTLY surprised to find them in good spirits when I picked them up after their first day of school and I think (hope/pray) this is a good year for them. GD has his best buddy in a few classes and seems a lot more comfortable with school this year. He acts like he’s looking forward to learning about PhotoShop and studying Japanese.

MK is mentally preparing himself to play in band, jazz band and has already said he’s trying out for pep band (which requires 80% attendance at the school games!!) AND honors band. This is IN ADDITION to his other, regular classes.

Whew. I have a feeling I’m going to be putting quite a few miles on my car this year.

Here’s to a successful, and FUN, school year! *cheers!*


writefromkaren.com

Life

Revealing 25 Things About Me

Karen

I keep assuming, perhaps incorrectly, that everyone who reads this blog knows a little something about me. But since I’ve moved my blog (it used to be self-hosted until I simply couldn’t handle the crap my host was giving me and decided to move over here. Only WordPress wouldn’t cooperate and my posts wouldn’t transfer, so … here we are, at the beginning once again), I’m beginning to think people DON’T know me very well at all.

I aim to correct that by transferring past posts, from my older blogs, bit-by-bit to not only share a little bit of my past with you, but to have a record of these posts here, on my new (and hopefully LAST) blog.

The 100 Things About Me … thing … that everyone seems to be doing nowadays is something I’ve put off doing for a long time, not because I have anything to hide, per se, but because I’m simply not that interesting. But heck, I’ve been blogging since January 2005, perhaps it’s time to lay my cards on the table …

I also have another page if you can stomach any more About Me. Proceed with caution. 😀

1. I was born in November, 1965.
2. Which makes me a Scorpio.
3. And trust me, I sting people.
4. But I don’t believe in astrology.
5. I’ve been in several accidents.
6. Most of them my fault.
7. I sewed a needle into my finger in middle school.
8. I stepped on a can lid and sliced my heel open.
9. I’ve shattered a glass and gouged my finger while washing it.
10. I fell off a ladder.
11. And bruised my kidneys.
12. I had to have seven enemas so they could inject dye into my kidneys and check for internal damage.
13. There was none, thank God.
14. I fell out of my car.
15. While driving it.
16. My sunglasses shattered on my face.
17. I broke my nose.
18. I had two black eyes.
19. And a huge gash in my forehead that took 25 stitches to close.
20. I have a scar, but it’s barely noticeable, thanks to the amazing emergency room doctor who sewed me back up.
21. I lived with three other girls.
22. Our apartment was party central. (Think Sex in the City sort of girls)
23. I’ve had a few one-night stands.
24. I’ve smoked pot.
25. I used to own a bong.

Shocked? Sorry. But my past is part of who I am today so … please accept me, warts and all.

Twenty-five more things about me coming soon.

Life

A Crabby Lunch

Karen

My boys are not allowed to watch cartoons – not that they would now anyway – they’re teenagers … but they haven’t watched cartoons in years.

You must think I’m the meanest mom in the world.

Truthfully? I’m definitely a runner up.

But no, cartoons are not allowed in my house. And here’s why …

They are mind-numbing nonsense.

When the boys were little, they watched cartoons. Hours and hours of cartoons. So many cartoons, in fact, that it got to the point where I could virtually recite, line-by-line, some of those silly cartoons – that’s how many times I listened to them while picking up Lego’s, stepping over Thomas Trains and balling dirty socks up in one fist and “shooting” them into the clothes hamper. (Hey, you have your entertainment, I have mine – don’t judge).

But it wasn’t until one particular cartoon became popular that I put my foot down. The cartoon?

Ed, Edd and Eddy.

I ABHOR this cartoon. I mean LOATHE it.

First of all, what is up with all of the character squiggly lines/movement? It is the most distracting aspect of trying to watch that stupid show. What, the cartoonists thought it would be cool to give viewers headaches with trying to keep up with all of the jerky animation?

Guess what? It did.

And then the characters themselves are just downright nasty to look at. The flesh tones are pasty and remind me of vomit and the eyes cross. Ugh. And then, there’s the language. The dialogue was … asinine. The plot was pointless and the humor? Wasn’t funny, it was just stupid. And the voices themselves … the tones just grated on my nerves.

But I could ignore all of that and did for a long while because the boys enjoyed it. Even though the entire concept behind the cartoon was to dumb-down any and all intelligence, I looked the other way all for the sake of listening to my boys laugh at the sheer insanity of this cartoon.

But then … then they started quoting lines from the cartoon. And began to assume characteristics of these idiot characters and re-enact portions of the cartoon and I simply couldn’t take it anymore.

I started paying attention.

I began not only watching Ed, Edd and Eddy, but I began watching a number of other cartoons the boys were watching. Spongebob Squarepants for instance (though equally stupid, at least it was funny). And a number of other popular cartoons at the time.

And I found all of them severely lacking in content and/or intelligent humor (which could be argued, how intelligent can you get with school-aged kids, but still … let’s give these little people SOME credit, shall we?)

After a while, I just couldn’t justify allowing the kids to watch something so … mind numbing, so pointless, so … stupid. I realize they are cartoons and they aren’t meant to be taken seriously, but some of the messages behind these cartoons was just … skewed that I didn’t feel like it was adding anything to their intellect.

And so, I directed the boys to something a little more intellectually stimulating.

The Discovery Channel, for instance. Shows that dealt with space, history, the earth, science, animals, technology … you know, shows that used proper grammar and talked in complete sentences – shows that actually stimulated intelligence and prompted thought. (Remember the whole what you put into your mind comes out your heart thing?)

My boys soon began to LOVE Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters, How It’s Made, Man Vs. Wild, The Deadliest Catch and so on. At least these shows experimented with real-world concepts and jump started their synapses.

The husband began taping all of these shows and we would sit down, as a family, and watch them together. And they have prompted more than one thought-provoking conversation, which in my opinion, is always a good thing. So I didn’t feel too terribly guilty taking the boys’ cartoons away from them when it was replaced with something that actually required them to think, contemplate and regurgitate questions and ideas.

Our favorite show, though, out of all of those mentioned above, was “The Deadliest Catch.” We have been HOOKED on that show since it began. It was not only the process of fishing for crab that caught our attention, but rather, it was the strength, endurance, patience, risk and sheer determination of the fishermen who lived the experience all for the sake of catching a spider-like creature at the bottom of the Bering Sea that “reeled” us in. (pun intended).

We simply couldn’t get enough of it. (It also introduced the boys to Bon Jovi because of the theme song. Speaking as a child of the ’80’s and who has had a crush on Jon Bon Jovi for as long as I can remember, I was ESTATIC. Now I had an EXCUSE to blast Bon Jovi whenever I had the chance. Boo-yah!).

It also made the boys very curious about crab. They wanted to taste it, touch it, really get a chance to examine it.

So, the husband and I took the boys to Red Lobster for lunch yesterday. We didn’t want to order a whole plate of crab in case they didn’t like it, so the hubs ordered a combo plate. MK ordered the popcorn shrimp, GD had the shrimp alfredo and I had the crab alfredo (I’m not a big seafood person to begin with, but I can occasionally handle crab).

When our food arrived, the boys were very eager to take a look at the crab legs. They handled the legs, they made little scratching gestures, they bent the joints, they tested the sharpness of the claw … oh wait, that was the husband. (In fact, the husband was having so much fun with the crab legs he made our waitress laugh).

The husband showed the boys how to crack the leg and attempt to pull out the juicy meat in one piece. He wasn’t successful, but it was fun to watch the guys try it.

They tasted it. And they liked it. And the experience satisfied their curiosity so now, when they watch The Deadliest Catch, they will have a deeper understanding of the monetary value and hard work behind the fishing escapades.

It’s so SATISFYING when your children pursue and then learn something about the world around them, isn’t it?

Yesterday was our last luncheon together for a while – school starts back on Monday. That was sort of the grand finale of the summer – we had been promising to take the boys out for crab for weeks, but wanted to wait until the very end because A. it prolonged the suspense and B. it’s freaking expensive to eat seafood! ($50 plus dollars for lunch?!).

But the time and money was nothing compared to the pure joy and satisfaction on the boys’ faces. They’ve ingested a bit more of the world …

Literally.

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Life

A Justifiable Theft?

Karen

So, gas is down. It’s currently $3.35 here.

WOW! THAT’S SO CHEAP!

Isn’t it sad that we think like that? You know raising gas prices to a nearly unacceptable level is a ploy by the government to train you to get used to the higher prices so that when it falls to a more reasonable level (though I still say anything over $3.00 is not really reasonable), we’re all like, “I can totally afford that! Let’s drive all over town to see if we can find the perfect Rocky Road ice cream! Gas is so cheap we can AFFORD to drive aimlessly around!”

(Hey don’t laugh, my in-laws used to do that – but then never had the time to oh say, sit down and read anything significant. Don’t get me started).

Though all kidding aside, I HAVE noticed more cars on the road since prices have fallen $0.50 cents.

Have you?

We don’t really drive unless we have to, anyway. We’re homebodies so the thought of getting out, just because, sort of turns me off. (Though I have been known to make a special trip to a Starbucks with a drive-thru simply because I was too lazy to change out of my sweats – but we won’t go there).

And I’m a bit annoyed that gas prices have fallen, if you want the truth. Why? Because I once again think it’s a ploy by the government (I really don’t harbor government conspiracy theories, honest) to divert our attention away from trying to find alternate energy sources.

I mean, it’s when gas prices are soaring and people start complaining do you REALLY hear about companies/individuals getting in there and researching alternatives. I, for one, am READY to drive electric cars. And I can’t wait for solar energy methods to come down in price (because you know eventually, they will) so that we can equip our houses and shift our energy needs to solar as opposed to coal. And if I didn’t think the neighbors would object? We’d TOTALLY install one of those wind mill thingies in our backyard. In fact, the husband has been obsessed with watching the Planet Green station lately to get ideas on how we can convert our energy-sucking house into something more energy efficient.

But now that gas prices have fallen, the motivation to do these things has ebbed somewhat. Notice I didn’t say the motivation has disappeared entirely, but our enthusiasm has died down, just a tiny bit.

And now that gas prices have fallen, we don’t have to worry so much about someone siphoning our gas.

Not that we have to worry about that now anyway; the husband bought a locking gas cap for his truck.

Let me ask you something – is there EVER a time that stealing is justified?

Here’s a scenario:

It’s time to get the husband’s 2000 Ford F150 tags renewed. So, he takes it somewhere to get it inspected. Only, it fails because the wheel bearings are going out and they can’t okay the truck until the bearings have been fixed.

But the price they quoted? WAAY too much.

So, the hubs takes it to a buddy’s garage. (M’s the drummer in my husband’s band [He’s the cute guy on the far right playing guitar]). Only, this guy’s garage? Is in a, um, less than desirable area of town.

But hey whatever, right?

So, I follow the husband over one morning to drop his truck off before work. Only when we reach the garage, that is smack dab in the middle of a low-income residential area, and park his truck, there is no drop-off box for his keys. He puts his keys in the mailbox. And as he’s walking back to my car we notice a neighbor, sitting on his front porch, watching our every move.

Okay, NOW we’re nervous. What’s to prevent this guy from stealing my husband’s truck as soon as we leave? Nothing but his scruples, that’s what. We couldn’t stick around to keep an eye on this guy until the garage guy showed up because the husband needed to get to work.

We reluctantly left it there swallowing the boulder-sized butterflies in our stomachs because it was very possible there wouldn’t be a truck TO fix when the garage guy arrived.

But you know, you can’t live your life in fear. And just because the guy lived in a low-income part of town didn’t automatically mean he was a thief, right?

We swallowed our uneasiness and went about our day. The husband called the guy, told him his truck was there and he kept in touch with the guy the rest of the day.

The guy fixed the wheel bearings (for about $150 less! Woot!) and the hubs picked his truck up after work that day.

No harm, no foul.

That was on a Thursday. He drove his bike to work on Friday (he saves us about $10 every time he drives his motorcycle to work, not only on the gas he saves, but because he takes his lunch and eats in the kitchen at work. He’s such a GOOD husband. *grin*)

On Monday, he drove his truck to work. And about halfway there, he calls me.

“Guess what,” my husband asks in his sexy I’m-not-quite-awake morning voice.

“What?” I ask while pretending I’m not stuffing a waffle into my mouth.

“I think that guy on the porch siphoned the gas out of my truck.”

“Wha…??”

“When I dropped my truck off at M’s, I had a full tank of gas. Now, my low-gas light is on. I haven’t driven it all weekend … what else could have happened?”

So, the creepy dude staring at us when we dropped the truck off? Most likely sucked $50 worth of gas out of my husband’s truck.

Granted, it might not have been him. It might have been someone in M’s garage. But considering it was M himself working on the truck and the husband and M are buds, it’s unlikely.

Possible, but not probable.

No, what most likely happened was the guy on the porch moseyed on over after we dropped the truck off, siphoned out the gas and moseyed on back to his house before M arrived.

There’s nothing QUITE like the feeling that someone has stolen from you. Sure, there’s the feeling of being violated, but it’s a disappointment really, in mankind, that someone could stoop so low as to cross that line to begin with.

Interestingly enough, we weren’t really that upset. I mean, I can UNDERSTAND someone stealing gas. Prices are high. People are on fixed incomes. And if you don’t have gas, then how can you get to work to MAKE the money necessary to live on.

It’s a catch-22 situation. I know this, I understand this. But it doesn’t excuse the fact that it’s stealing – however well intentioned it might be.

We talked this situation out with the boys. We always use situations like this to open the lines of communication up with the boys – to teach them a little something about life. And we discussed how there is really never an excuse to steal from someone else. Though there may be people better off than you, they still had to work very hard. It’s never right to take something that doesn’t belong to you, no matter the situation.

BUT even though we can’t condone the behavior, we can certainly understand it. And perhaps … that understanding makes it a bit easier to look the other way if/when it happens. You know?

Of course, that will never happen to us again, the husband put a locking gas cap on his truck. But it was a lesson we needed to learn and an opportunity to teach our boys about what people might do if desperate enough.

Stealing is wrong. But sometimes … understandable.

Life

Buffering An Argument

Karen

“Wow, mom, you’re too sensitive.”

GD tells me this, A LOT. And I nearly always get irritated. Why?

Because he’s right.

The older I get, the more I think my sense of humor, equilibrium, fairness, empathy, or whatever you want to label it, is fading. I’m afraid I’m going to end up being one of those crotchety old women who never smiles or laughs and who will end up having grand canyon-sized grooves on either side of her mouth muttering under her breath in a sort of trance-like mantra, “I do NOT approve.”

Bummer.

I have fallen into a pattern lately of dissecting everything everyone says to me with surgical precision – I mull it over, I turn it around in my mind and examine it from all angles, I look for hidden meaning and usually end up making an inaccurate assumption. This incorrect assumption is usually closely followed by the unfortunate opening of my pie hole and spewing forth hot, sticky nonsense.

I really must condition myself to keep my pie hole shut more often. Sometimes, it just pays to listen and keep my comments to myself.

I had a rather … awkward start to my day yesterday. My mom met me and the boys at Red Robin for lunch. (Note to self: do not eat lunch at Red Robin anymore. Even though mom graciously paid for our lunch, I know the total came to about $45 BEFORE tip – that’s an asinine amount of money to spend on lunch).

I thought she might like to tag along while the boys and I went back-to-school shopping.

Now I will admit, I had an ulterior motive. Back-to-school shopping is NOT something my boys EVER look forward to. Ever. They both abhor school – LOATHE it with an alarming passion. This dislike is partly my fault – I pushed them too hard. I expected too much from them at too early of an age. Some of this dislike is due to the fact that they have to use their brains. Some of the dislike stems from the fact that they have to get up and follow a schedule or adhere to someone else’s instructions and rules – they don’t like being told what to do and when to do it.

What can I say – they are MY sons.

So, to act as a buffer for this very unpleasant outing, I’ve asked my mom to accompany us for the past two years. Last year, we had a great time. My mom is a natural jokester and the kids adore her – how can you get mad, or argue with grandma? If I ask the boys to try on shoes, it’s a BATTLE of wits – if grandma asks them to try on shoes, it’s charming and cute.

I can’t wait to be a grandma. (Wait, yes I can. NO HURRY boys).

Our conversation started out innocently enough. We caught up on some news, coaxed the boys to come out of their self-imposed shells a bit more and talk about what was on their minds and then I HAD to go and bring up a sensitive family issue.

And because of the nature of this sensitive issue, I can’t, and won’t talk about it, But suffice it to say, my mom and I? Don’t exactly see eye-to-eye about this family issue.

I brought it up for two reasons:

1. I wanted to know what mom’s opinion was about it. (We agreed, for the most part. But the part we didn’t agree on? Was a WHOPPER).

2. I wanted to talk about it in front of the boys because I thought it would be good for them to hear what was going on – this issue COULD be a future issue for us at some point.

I’m sorry to be so vague, but you know how it is – sharing sensitive issues with the rest of the Internet. You’ll just have to bear with me. (Or not, it’s your dime. *grin*)

We proceeded to argue about this issue. We disagreed. Our opinions were more strongly expressed. Our voices began to rise. And before I could blink an eye – something in my past was brought up, something I hadn’t exactly told my boys about, and before I knew it, the issue we were discussing? Morphed into something else entirely.

I regret now that this argument was witnessed by the boys. They were uncomfortable to say the least. But in a lot of ways, I was glad they were there. They were MY buffer against my temper and impulsive, hot-headed, out-of-control pie hole problem. I could have said so much more. I wanted to say so much more – but I didn’t. Instead, I skirted around this issue, I danced around my rolling emotions and fought to bring the emotional sea we had stirred up back under control.

It’s disconcerting when you think a past issue is water under the bridge only to discover that it’s somehow not. All I can say is that this issue? Was life changing for me. It taught me to grow up. It taught me to be self-sufficient and the decision that was made? Was completely justified. I am honestly not bitter about it. I have gotten over it. I view the incident as a necessary component of who I am today.

The latter part of our lunch was … strained. The boys weren’t really sure what to do with themselves, but to give them credit, they really handled the awkwardness well. Though I did not have fun butting heads with my mom, I’m sort of glad it happened.

You know how the experts say that it’s sometimes good for kids to see their parents argue, and then make up? That it’s important to teach them that love is not always sweet-smelling flowers and rainbows? Well, I think that’s equally important when it comes to family in general. After lunch, we trudged forward. Though we didn’t exactly laugh it off, we acknowledged our reactions and we moved on.

The boys sighed with relief.

To be completely fair to my mom, she had been up since 2:30 that morning. My mom routinely works the early morning shift and had just finished working a 5:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. shift. To say she was loopy with fatigue would be understating the obvious – she was DEAD tired.

But, she wanted to spend time with us so she went shopping with us. I know part of the disagreement stemmed from the fact that she was tired – everything always appears so much worse when we’re tired. And when we learned that she had been up for so long, that somehow helped to justify what happened – if that makes any sense.

But my mom is nothing if not resilient. She bounced right back and she soon had us clutching our ribs in laughter. My mom is the biggest, most loveable goofball you will ever have the pleasure of meeting – trust me.

We continued on our shopping agenda. We stopped at Shoe Carnival to buy the boys new sneakers. GD and I had quite a battle – not over the kind of sneakers or the color of the sneakers but over whether we needed to buy a size 11 (which was snug and left no room for growth) or an 11 ½ (which did).

*sigh* A twenty-minute smack down over half an inch. Seriously, WHY does everything have to be a battle?

My mom walked away from our bickering.

I didn’t blame her.

In the end, I convinced GD that he wasn’t done growing yet (much to his horror because he doesn’t understand that tall men with big feet run in our family). And that I wasn’t about to spend $70 bucks on sneakers that he would only get to wear for six months before I was forced to buy him another pair.

I swear, everything has to be an issue with GD.

I can’t IMAGINE where he gets that trait from.

*sigh*

MK, on the other hand, quickly found what he wanted, was perfectly fine with the size that he needed and was sitting on the sidelines staring off into space waiting for our battle of the wits to come to an end.

After the shoe fiasco, our day HAD to go nowhere but up. And it did. We went to Bed, Bath and Beyond so I could buy a Yankee candle (LOVE those candles) and my mom could buy a blender with a gift certificate that she had. Only she had changed purses and she didn’t have it with her so I ended up buying her a little cow keychain that mooed when you squeezed its udder and emitted light from its nostrils.

Why did I end up buying her a cow that mooed? Because she thought it was cute and I felt bad for yelling at her and bad that she didn’t get to buy herself a blender.

I’m a good daughter – so I’ve heard. *grin*

I soon regretted buying her that cow. Because for the rest of the day and all through Sears, JCPenneys, Michaels (a craft store) and Wal-Mart, she would periodically press on that cow and make it moo so that people would look around with puzzled expressions to try and figure out where that strange sound was coming from.

We tried to speed-walk away form her on several occasions, but she would always catch up to us and start the whole thing over again.

She absolutely horrified the boys (in between bouts of sputtered chuckles) and embarrassed me (in between loud guffaws), but we haven’t laughed so hard in ages. Seriously, my ribs still hurt. My mom is a zany woman who refuses to grow up and we adore her.

Thanks for being my buffer mom; I love you.

Life

Keeping Negativity Out of Our Lives

Karen

One of the topics I had written down to write about was:

“Put in mind comes out heart – watch negativity on blogs.”

I have learned, over the years that I’m easily influenced. I’m NOT happy about this realization. Here I thought I was strong and had perfect control over my mind and my thoughts – apparently, this is not the case.

Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about:

In September of 1995, I went crazy. Not in a ‘I need a strait jacket’ sort of crazy, but just stir crazy in general. GD was a little over two and going through that terrible two stage. MK was six months old and his screams literally vibrated my nerve endings so badly that I had to close myself off in the garage on more than one occasion just to screw my head back on straight, catch my breath and prepare for the next battle.

I was a stay-at-home mom and wasn’t too terribly happy about, if we’re being honest here. (And I’m [mostly] honest here). There are some women who bloom and glow in the early stages of motherhood – I was not one of them. In fact, it’s safe to say I dissolved into a black and white carbon ghost of my previous self and just sort of … existed.

I loved my children; I couldn’t cope with their neediness. I’ve always been IMPOSSIBLY independent and when the boys were babies, well, I felt suffocated. I had suddenly lost the KAREN part of me and had somehow morphed into someone’s wife and mother overnight.

I no longer recognized myself.

I didn’t sink into a depression or anything but rather channeled all of that negative energy toward my husband. I was snarky, I was difficult to get along with and I was impossible to please. He was in the throes of beginning his accounting career and he was under tremendous stress – I was NOT helping matters and to say things began to fall apart at home would be severely understating it.

To save my sanity, and my marriage, I got a job. I had threatened to get a job on numerous occasions and the husband’s negative reaction to this proposal propelled me to do it anyway. In hindsight, it was a selfish thing to do, and it also added another level of stress to the husband’s already elevated stress level, which only added more stress on an already thin marital relationship.

But I had to do something – I no longer trusted myself with my children. My patience, which has never been anything to brag about, was already stretched so thin that it was fraying dangerously close to snapping altogether.

So, I applied at Wal-Mart, unbeknownst to the husband, and got the job. The thought of leaving my babies with a stranger made me physically ill. I knew I could never handle it, so I worked nights – that way, I watched the boys during the day and the husband picked up the parental duty at night.

Considering I had banking experience, Wal-Mart placed me in the cash office – the money was channeled and processed through us and we bundled it up and made deposits.

I loved my job. I have always loved working with money and I was quite good at it. I felt an instantaneous flood of personal accomplishment and gratitude – it felt SO GOOD to use my brain once again!

BUT … the ladies I worked with were a different matter. Actually, there was one lady in particular who was gruff, sarcastic, cynical and a downright witch to be around, if you want the truth. She FED on weakness and then had no qualms using it against you to either humiliate you or belittle you. She was a master of mental manipulation and in order to survive being around her, I turned into this … monster. I was truly terrible to be around. I routinely hurt people and though it bothered me on a fundamental level, I shoved those regrets to the back of my consciousness. In addition, I was surrounded by women who were VERY UNHAPPY with their marriages. They never had a good thing to say about their husbands, or men in general.

I’m embarrassed to tell you this, but this attitude bled into my already shaky marriage. For some reason, I got it into my head that my husband was now responsible for my happiness. And everything that went wrong with my life? Was my husband’s fault.

Honestly, I don’t know how that man put up with me for the SEVEN years I worked at Wal-Mart. I was such a bitch.

And the thing is? I had no reason to be – none. Any perceived unhappiness on my part was MY fault. I had no one to blame but myself. My husband was not perfect, but he wasn’t nearly the creep I made him out to be to my “friends.”

But I didn’t see it like that back then because I was getting all of this negative reinforcement from the people around me. Their negative attitudes had rubbed off on me.

Things came to an ugly, UGLY standoff in my marriage in 1998. We nearly parted ways. But we persevered because we sat down and was honest with one another. We aired our grievances, we came to an understanding and we worked through our problems. I think it was at that point in my life that I really, truly grew up and took a good hard look at myself.

I wasn’t impressed with what I saw.

From that point on, I became two people – I assumed one persona at work (to simply survive working with one, lone woman) and another person when I clocked off and came home. I maintained this dual personality until 2002 when I simply had had enough. I was sick of the drama. I was tired of putting up with stupid, needy, negative people. Life was simply too short to have to deal with all of the crap that was surrounding me – so I quit Wal-Mart.

I noticed a difference in my attitude IMMEDIATELY. I felt … free. The kids were older, they didn’t need me as much and I felt my old silly self returning – I had missed her. My marriage was getting stronger, and better, every day. I was happy and content. I concentrated on finishing college (another thing I took upon myself during this time period in an effort to “find” myself once again) and life leveled off.

Today, I look back on that time period and realize that it’s incredibly easy to get sucked into “an attitude.” Negativity is like a magnet, it’s so easy to be attracted to grief and misery. It’s much, much, MUCH harder to maintain a positive attitude.

But it’s also much, much, MUCH healthier to maintain a positive attitude.

Being aware of this experience and how easily I’m influenced from others has been at the forefront of my conscious mind ever since. When I met a girl in college and we really hit it off I was ecstatic! I had a friend, someone I could truly be myself around but who was a good influence on me … UNTIL she and her husband started experimenting with extra-marital, uh, situations and suddenly I could see the brink of madness on my horizon. Though I wanted to be her friend and tried to talk her away from the edge of that bad decision, I failed. She pummeled into darkness, succumbed to temptation and I simply couldn’t be around her, or that situation.

Our friendship failed because I made the conscious decision to remain healthy and happy. I had walked down that dark road before, I wasn’t about to allow myself to walk down it again. I couldn’t do that to my husband again. Never again.

So, I have a confession to make, I’m easily influenced and it sickens and saddens me. I’m not as strong as I thought.

And that leads me to today. Another form of negativity is immerging in my world – blogs. I don’t know if it’s a trend to continuously talk about body parts, drugs, depression, discontent or what, but I’m finding that after reading so much about the same stuff, over and over again, it’s affecting my attitude – it’s depressing. And where there’s depression, there is unhappiness.

I realize that it’s nice to get some things off your chest and that it’s comforting when people can relate, offer advice and tell their own similar tales, but when nearly every post is nothing but the same old depressing stuff, it wears a reader down. I tend to think people focus too much on the negative and not enough on the positive – the whole (annoying) glass half full, not empty, analogy.

I’m not saying that we should stop reading these blogs or not try and help these people, I’m simply saying that one should be careful when reading too much of this. It really does have a sneaky way of penetrating our own lives and speaking from experience? It sucks when it plays a part in your own reality.

When I notice a downward spiral in a blog that I regularly read, I reluctantly discontinue reading it. I simply can’t handle continuously being bombarded with negativity. I’m weak, what can I say. And if you take anything away from this post, then please realize that it CAN affect your own attitude and how you live your life – not just from blogs, but from the people around you – your friends, your co-workers and yes, even your family.

Be careful. What you put in your mind ultimately comes out your heart. If you put a lot of ugliness in your mind, then you’re more apt to lose your temper and “snap.” Believe me, I know this from first-hand experience.

The same could be said about the violent video games my boys play. The death matches where the only objective is to run around and kill one another – it absolutely affects them. They are much more impatient and snappy after playing games like that. So, we have to make them walk away from those games from time-to-time and get back in touch with reality.

We used to tease them about playing “baby” games. Not anymore. We have found that playing baby, or innocent games (like Mario racing for example) is MUCH MORE preferable than playing games like Halo 3. It affects their overall attitudes. We’ve talked, AT LENGTH, about this effect and I think the boys understand, as much as their young brains can comprehend at this point, about the dangers of angry, violent games (or anything like that).

Bad things can’t be avoided, I realize this. But the question is, do we really UNDERSTAND what it does to us if we wallow in discontent or surround ourselves with so much negativity on a consistent basis? We can all live better lives if we’re aware of outside influences and make a conscious effort not to allow it to affect our lives, overall.