Month: October 2009

Photo Story Friday

Photo Flashback: I Was Once a Whale

Karen

photo-flashback

Oh yes, yes I was.

I’m posting a picture of me, very pregnant, with my first son.

As you can CLEARLY see, I gained a lot of weight with my first born. When I got pregnant, it was like I was set free. I was running, arms outstretched, an euphoric expression on my face, down every grocery store aisle just WAITING to stuff every edible thing into my enormous maw.

And I did. I gained a WHOPPING 60 pounds with Dude. I had watched what I ate, and sacrificed so many goodies all throughout my life at that point that I’m afraid I went a little insane when suddenly, I was being told I had to eat.

And eat, I did.

(Look how FAT my hands were! Ugh!)

I was a whale. No, it’s okay, we can all admit that out loud. You won’t hurt my feelings because it’s the God’s-honest truth.

That is by far the biggest I’ve ever been in my life. I don’t think I even got that big with Jazz, and he was born on time!

I was about 32 weeks pregnant in this picture – Dude was born shortly after this picture was taken (Dude was 8 weeks early) so JUST THINK how big I would have ended up IF Dude had been full term!

I’m pretty sure I would have cracked the walls of our rental house just walking across the floors.

It took me forever to lose that weight. In fact, I never really lost all of it before I got pregnant with Jazz.

Ugh. My eyes bleed just looking at this picture.

At the Moment

Owning Up to My Mistake

Karen

Capture1
(By the way, that’s supposed to read “look BAD in front of the kid.” This is what happens when I Twitter before my morning coffee. 😀 )

You might have seen this on my Twitter stream this morning … here’s the story behind that tweet.

When you’ve been married for as long as I have (19 years), you learn there are certain things you should, and should not say, in front of your spouse.

Especially when young ears are around.

Jazz has band practice every Tuesday evening. So last night, Kevin and I got into the car to run up to the school and pick him up.

We drive up and park in our usual spot. It’s a spot away from the main stream of traffic because we can get out of the parking lot a lot faster. We’ve been parking there to pick Jazz up from practice since school began.

This is nothing new.

But somehow, Jazz missed seeing us drive up and though we could clearly see him, he didn’t notice us.

Annoying.

So, I called him on his cell phone …

One time

Two times

Three times

Four times before he finally realized his phone was going off and he picked up.

Annoying.

(I could have gotten out and just walked over to get him but 1. that would have embarrassed Jazz and 2. I would have been walking in front of several cars with their headlights shining and OH LOOK AT ME! I’m on stage, I hate that).

Why did he not notice his phone was ringing (or vibrating, as the case may be)? Because he was busy being chased around the yard by another kid.

They were just goofing around, it was no biggie. Jazz stopped long enough to answer my call, realize that we were waiting for him and started to our car.

Only the kid that had been goofing around with him, came with him. And tackled him. The boys were so busy laughing and acting like idiots that they didn’t look before they crossed the parking lot AND THEN thought another car was ours and went so far as to open the back door of this strange car.

The kid hanging on to Jazz opened the car door – I guess he was going to shove him in. But Jazz pulled away and they closed the door. Only not entirely and the poor owner of the car had to get out and shut it all the way when they laughingly stumbled off.

The boys reach our car and the kid takes off laughing and waves goodbye.

I didn’t really think too much of the incident, it just warmed my heart that he was getting along with his peers, having a good time and I don’t know, acting like a boy.

But Kevin was not amused. At all. He scolded Jazz and told him that he was acting like a middle school kid and not a high schooler and did he look before he crossed that parking lot? And did he apologize to the woman who’s car door they opened?

Jazz’s good mood immediately deflated and I jumped in and said, “It’s no big deal, he was just acting like a kid.”

……..

Dead silence.

……..

I knew, as soon as the words left my mouth, that I was in trouble. We made a pact, a long time ago, that we would always stand united in front of the kids. Even though we may disagree with the other’s stance, we would talk about it later when the kids weren’t around.

I was a little annoyed with Kevin. After all, he was acting like a kid having a good time, did he really have to criticize him so much? But life went on and I didn’t think too much more about it ……

…… until this morning when Kevin let me know, in no uncertain terms, that he didn’t appreciate my contradicting him in front of Jazz. It embarrassed him and undermined his authority.

I didn’t answer him and we went our separate ways – he resumed getting his breakfast and I continued drinking my coffee and checking emails.

But I stewed. And I thought about what he said. And I replayed the incident back through my mind and really SAW what happened and you know what?

Kevin was right. He DID act immaturely and he SHOULD HAVE looked before he crossed that parking lot (there were a lot of parents picking up their kids) and he SHOULD HAVE apologized to that woman in the car.

And I should have just kept my big mouth shut.

So, when Jazz finished his breakfast, I walked him into our bedroom and standing before Kevin, I told Jazz that his dad was right in scolding him. That I knew he was just having fun and that he was being propelled by that other kid, but there comes a time when you have to say, “Okay, that’s enough. Cut it out” and take control of the situation. I also told him that that was exactly how he SHOULDN’T act on this upcoming St. Louis trip with his band.

Jazz was taught a lesson, I saved face in front of Kevin and my world was upright once more.

But it was hard. It was really hard to swallow my pride, to look at the situation objectively and to admit that Kevin was indeed right. But that’s what marriage is all about — being willing to admit your mistakes, having the courage to own up to them and apologize. After all, if the situation had been reversed, I would definitely expect Kevin to back me up; I owe the man the same courtesy.

These little life lessons? Are one of the biggest reasons we’re still married today. 🙂

VideoPlay

Video: My Attempt to Offer Potty-Training Tips

Karen

I’m participating in the Say it Face to Face web conversation. In essence, someone asks a question and we respond to those questions via video.

The below video is my response to the question: “Do you have any potty-training tips?”

*shrug* I don’t know, I thought it was a good idea at the time. 😀

I recorded this mainly just to document some of the things I did with my boys.

Maybe it will help you. Or maybe it will reinforce your opinion that I am indeed a big dunce. 😉 Either way, I’m putting myself out there.

At the Moment

An Experiment Goes Awry

Karen

I think I might have inadvertently poisoned my oldest son.

Here’s the thing – Dude never has any energy. He’s worse than a limp rag and his favorite saying? “That takes too much effort.”

Yes, he’s the epitome of lazy.

Some of this, has to do with the fact that he’s a teenage boy and could care less. Some of it has to do with the fact that he’s a teenage boy and he physically requires a lot of sleep, even though he’s too stubborn to see it and often fights me on the whole sleep issue.

But some of it is because he’s lethargic. The boy sits around, all day, every day (when he’s home from school that is) and stares at his computer monitor. So OF COURSE, he’s going to be tired. Think how tired you get when you’ve been sitting around all day – like say, waiting for your flight or at the hospital waiting to hear how a surgery went. Sitting around is exhausting.

And our bodies were designed to MOVE. So I know a big part of why Dude complains about being tired all the time is simply because he DOESN’T MOVE. (I’ve since made a semi-deal with him — I won’t nag him to get out of his chair if he will take the initiative and walk on the treadmill once in a while).

However, and I haven’t told Dude this, I suspect one of the reasons he might be tired all the time is because he’s inherited my anemia. I first found out I was anemic when I was pregnant with Dude and they prescribed iron supplemants. Ever since then, I’ve taken iron (Slow Fe is good to take if iron upsets your stomach) and I can REALLY tell a difference when I haven’t taken it in a while. I’m sluggish and I just don’t have any energy at all.

So I can definitely relate to Dude’s tiredness. It sucks when you can’t even summon up the energy to move across the room, let alone clean house, cook dinner, pick up the kids, laugh with your spouse ….

I’ve given Dude some of my iron supplement in the past, but only sporadically, after all, I have no idea why he’s so tired and like I said, it could simply be because he’s a growing teenage boy and his body demands more rest right now.

But I’ve been experimenting with him, just to see if it has any effect. And Dude is so trusting of me that he doesn’t think twice whenever I give him something to take (I regularly give the kids vitamin C pills, or general vitamin pills), which is sort of scary shouldering all of that trust.

I haven’t really noticed a significant difference with the iron (again, it was a pill here and there, nothing consistent), but I have noticed a difference in his energy level whenever he drinks a protein drink right before bed at night (he mixes the protein in with his milk).

But again, we’re not consistent with anything and Dude continues to complain to me about his lack of energy (I really think a large part of his problem is his physical inactivity).

I talked to Kevin about his complaint and he looked up some natural alternatives (we’re not big doctor/drug people – if we can find a natural remedy, we’re going to take it). And he suggested that maybe he was low on vitamin B.

I swear, our cabinets look like a health food store – we have nearly every vitamin made on our shelves and that’s mainly because Kevin has been trying different combination of vitamins in an effort to help him sleep better.

(Which by the way, he’s still not sleeping through the night. He’s not waking up with headaches anymore, now he’s waking up hungry. And this is even when he eats something right before bed.)

So, I thought I’d try vitamin B on Dude. I gave him a super-complex vitamin B supplement on Saturday and Sunday he woke up with a raging headache. In fact, he had a pretty bad headache all day Sunday and all he wanted to do was sleep. I caught him, several times, sleeping throughout the day.

At first, I was really annoyed and just thought he was being lazy. Then I thought maybe he was coming down with something though he said his sinuses were fine, but his throat was dry and achy.

He took some NyQuil before bed Sunday night and woke up Monday feeling great.

“Okay,” I told myself, “his body just needed the extra rest. No big deal.”

Only, when Kevin got home from work last night complaining of a raging headache and feeling really tired (he went to bed at 8:30 last night), I began to get suspicious.

I asked Kevin if he happened to take one of those super-complex B vitamin supplements and guess what, he had.

So now I’m thinking that that had to have something to do with Dude feeling bad on Sunday. I mean, it’s just too much of a coincidence NOT to be, you know?

I haven’t told Dude my theory, I don’t want to freak him out, I’m already freaked out for the both of us, but it taught me a valuable lesson on being more careful what I give my children.

Life

Do You Have a Mini-Me? I Wish

Karen

Vodpod videos no longer available.


(RSS readers, there’s a video. You’ll have to click over to view it. Sorry about that!)

My boys could not look any more different. My boys could not BE any more different.

And neither boy looks anything like me. Well heck, look for yourself.

Me and B - 9/09
(Me and Dude)

Me and B - 9/09
(Me and Jazz)

Now granted, Dude has my darker coloring. And he’s tall, which seems to run in my family. But his eyes are close, sort of like Kevin’s. And I can’t tell you how many people have said that Dude looks like Kevin – I still don’t see it. (Though they do sort of have the same mouth).

Jazz is fair skinned and blond. And if you compare Jazz’s baby picture to Kevin’s baby picture, the two are nearly identical. There is no question that Jazz has a lot of his father’s family in him.

So when the boys came along and not only didn’t look like me but didn’t look like each other, I admit, I was a wee bit disappointed. I envy mothers who have children that look like each other and there is no doubt that they are siblings.

My boys don’t really resemble each other in any way – either in looks OR personality.

I’ve gotten speculative looks. And I know some people were dying to ask me if they had the same father … and I’m here to tell you, they have the same father. It’s just when it came time to throw the second embryo into that gene pool, someone did a really good job of mixing it up and then adding a few ingredients in just for good measure.

Not only do the boys not look anything alike, they have completely different personalities. Which has been a HUGE challenge for me, as their mother, to parent them over the years. I can’t handle Dude the same way I handle Jazz.

Dude has my temper. And he’s really quiet. I’m lucky if I can get him to respond in more than one syllable to me. I’ve learned to not really give Dude an option. If I want him to do something, I give him two options, one of which he’s expected to pick. I simply can’t tell him what to do anymore, it’s a constant negotiation and the boy is sharp. He’s old enough to see through my little bag of tricks and he’s smart enough to give me counter arguments, ones that I sometimes don’t have a rebuttal for. It’s quite annoying.

The most effective discipline for Dude is to take his computer away from him. He goes absolutely berserk when that happens. And we’re really cruel about it, too. We don’t physically take his computer away, we take his power cord away. So he’s forced to stare at it but know he can’t use it.

I know that sounds terrible, but it’s effective — we don’t have any problems with Dude misbehaving, let me tell you. But he’s a good kid. He truly is. He’s kind, and soft hearted and really smart, much smarter than he gives himself credit for.

I have learned to keep my mouth shut around him. He knows, only too well, how and when to push my buttons and of course, there are times I allow him to do so. So now, it’s much smarter on my part to simply say what I have to say and walk away from him. He will stew about it for a bit, but he generally comes around eventually.

Dude will fight sleep with every fiber of his being. He’s a night owl, so he would prefer to stay up until 4:00 a.m. and sleep until 1:00 p.m., if I allowed him. But of course, that’s not possible given, you know, REAL LIFE. So Dude and I have had some MAJOR sleep battles over the years. It’s settling down now though. He has a bed time during the week, but can stay up later on the weekends.

Now taking things away from Jazz doesn’t work. He just finds something else to do and he’s perfectly content to settle for option B. That boy could entertain himself with a paper towel tube and a rubber band – oh wait, he has. He can find entertainment in the smallest things. That’s great, overall, to be able to use your imagination like that, but it really sucks when you’re trying to be a disciplinarian.

Jazz is stubborn. And by that I mean, that boy won’t budge when he sets his mind on it. I remember when he was a baby, and I would feed him veggies or fruit, he would hold that food in his mouth FOR AN HOUR before I finally gave up and told him to spit it out. I’ve had to learn the fine art of compromise with Jazz. Dude is pretty stubborn, too, but Jazz takes the prize.

Jazz has no concept of hurry. We’ll be running late and it’s as if Jazz deliberately slows down either to push my button, to avoid the stress of the situation; he doesn’t care if he’s late or maybe he simply thinks it’s no big deal, I don’t know. All I do know is that it drives me insane.

Jazz HAS GOT TO HAVE SLEEP. He simply can not, and will not, function if he’s tired. Even as a baby, he was inconsolable when it came time to sleep. I couldn’t keep him awake to save my life. So sleep? Has never been an issue between me and Jazz.

I’d have to say that Dude is most like me, hence the reason we clash so much, but I definitely see my stubborn streak in Jazz. I wouldn’t go so far as to say either one of my kids are a carbon copy of me and you know what? I’m glad. In fact, I’m downright relieved. I think they have an eclectic mix of me and Kevin’s personalities and I hope our parenting skills (or lack thereof) have helped mold them into great people.

Wait, what am I saying, THEY ARE GREAT PEOPLE. We’re very blessed to have such awesome children.

Truly.

Monday Stuff

Have I Mentioned ….

Karen

Here’s a fun new (at least to me!) meme that is right up my alley. I am constantly posting links to interesting places (well, interesting to ME at least) on my Twitter account and now I have an excuse to pass those along here to YOU!

1. First of all, I have to toot my own horn – did you know the Fall 2009 photo contest is happening right now? Now, I’ve SEEN your photos – you’re an awesome photographer. Wouldn’t it be fun to enter that spectacular picture in the contest for a chance to win a $25.00 gift certificate?! Of course it would!

2. Attention WriMos: The Write Anything blog is gearing up to post some NaNoWriMo workshops if you’re interested. The workshops were written to help you prepare for the NaNoWriMo challenge next month. The workshops begin Saturday, October 17th.

3. Here’s another one for the Wrimos out there: NaNoWriMo wallpaper for your computer. These are nifty reminders to help you through your word count next month.

4. Twenty million babies are born premature ― half a million of them in the United States. November 17 is when we fight back. This cause holds a special place in my heart because Dude was eight weeks premature and was in the NICU the first six weeks of his life – so I have first-hand knowledge about the emotional roller coaster one goes through in this situation. PLUS, this is cool because coincidentally, November 18th is Dude’s birthday so it seemed appropriate to participate. You’ll find the button for this cause in my sidebar.

5. This baby is going to SERIOUSLY kill me. Oh …. the eyes!!! I beg of you, click over, you will not be sorry.

6. “Obama: Health Care Plan Would Give Seniors Right To Choose How They Are Killed” (It’s the Onion, settle down).

7. “Are you Building or Breaking Self Esteem in your Children?”

8. Ever have one of those, “Oh my gosh, my husband is SO annoying” moments? Yeah well, you’re not alone. 😀

9. From the Fun Place Database website: “This is a brand new resource designed by parents FOR parents to make it easy to find fun places to take your kids. We all need to get out of the house most days, but sometimes it’s just difficult to find places to take them!” What a great idea!

Life

I Prefer to Remain Ignorant

Karen

Kevin had another gig at The New Key Largo Saturday night. I hadn’t planned on going (truly, hanging out at the bar is just not my bag and I’ve already gone to every other one of his gigs), but Kevin called me about 8:30 to ask me to bring him his guitar stand (we only live about five minutes away from the place) and considering his mom and uncle were there, I started to feel guilty and stayed.

When I asked Kevin’s mom where his dad was, she said he wasn’t feeling very well. He has a hernia right around his stomach and sometimes it acts up and he has to wear a belt to push his intestines back in. (Aren’t hernias the grossest thing?)

The band did really well, as usual. They messed up a few times, but you know, no one cares. We’re all there to have a good time and the band never gets uptight about the mistakes so the audience doesn’t get uptight and it’s all good.

The place was packed. In fact, the owner later told the guys that that was one of the few times they had a full house.

I think that made the band feel really good. And it also prompted The New Key Largo to book them for another gig in both November and December.

I didn’t drink that night. I had just taken some Tylenol (female problems) and I didn’t want to make myself sick, so I stuck with Sprite. Our waitress (who is just the cutest thing and so sweet), gave my uncle-in-law (who’s mentally challenged) free sodas so I left her a pretty big tip just because I

A. I appreciated her generosity and

B. Did I mention she was the sweetest thing?

My sister and brother-in-law showed up. They have got to be the busiest people I’ve EVER known (no seriously, every single moment of their days and nights are spoken for – they homeschool, travel out of town for sports’ games for one son, see plays because another son is heavy into little theater, are very active in their church and drop everything for everyone) and yet, they still found time to drop by and support Kevin.

I thought that was so sweet.

I didn’t end up staying for the whole thing. Kevin’s family took off after the second break (about 11:30) and I left with them. I had parked at the end of the parking lot (because I mentioned they were packed, right?) and my sister and brother-in-law nearly scared me to death because they drove to my side of the lot to make sure I had gotten to my car alright.

I felt special. 😀

My mother-in-law (MIL) left a little earlier because she was worried about my father-in-law (FIL). And for good reason, the man was really sick.

My MIL called Kevin at about 10:00 Sunday morning to tell him that she had ended up taking my FIL to the hospital. This was very disturbing news because my FIL is one of those people who never go to the hospital. In fact, this would be his very first time he had had to go to the hospital because of his health.

Apparently, my FIL’s hernia had strangulated, which meant that the muscle had tightened around the organ and it was causing serious pain. If left unchecked, it could kill that section of the organ and develop gangrene.

My FIL had to go in for emergency surgery.

Kevin and I went up to the hospital around noon to keep his mom company. She was a little freaked out because my FIL in the hospital was just so unusual. And I think Kevin was a little worried, too. He kept telling me that I didn’t have to be there but there was no way I was going to leave him to handle this by himself, so I went.

Again, my sister and brother-in-law showed up and we all sat around for four hours while we waited for him to get out of surgery. We knew it was a pretty standard procedure but there’s always a risk with surgery so we were a little on edge.

Especially my MIL.

They finally wheeled him out about 4:00 and as we were accompanying him to his room, my other sister-in-law showed up and together, we all squeezed into the elevator with him. (Which was awkward).

My FIL woke up in the elevator and started babbling nonsense (he was still pretty drugged out) and he looked liked a ghost – he was very pale.

I’ve mentioned I haven’t had a lot of experience being around sick people so even though I wasn’t freaked out by his appearance, I was still pretty surprised.

My FIL woke up and the first person he saw was Kevin. I think that meant a lot to Kevin. After about a minute of sheer babble, he finally said a sentence that we could all understand.

He groaned and said, “Ugh, I could sleep for a week.”

We knew then, he was going to be okay.

My MIL worked on getting him settled and since there were so many of us, we took turns going in to see him. (Well, I didn’t go in, I felt a little funny intruding).

The boys didn’t go with us. Dude was feeling under the weather yesterday and I didn’t think it was a good idea to have him around the hospital, so they stayed home. I plan on taking them up tomorrow to see him.

That whole experience was sort of an eye opener for me. I’m also the sort of person who never goes to the doctor and if you ever hear about me being in the hospital, it’s serious. I think it left an impression on me because my FIL’s condition was bad – but it needn’t have been. His regular doctor told him there was nothing to do, and yet, his hernia was the size of a grapefruit. Why hadn’t his doctor suggested surgery before? (Or perhaps he did and my FIL just shrugged it off, which is likely).

It makes me wonder if I shouldn’t just bite the bullet and go to the doctor for my digestive problem (yes, it’s back and back with a vengeance). It seems stupid and childish to NOT go but I guess I’m just scared that they’re going to take one look at me and say, “Yep, you need surgery.”

Though I pride myself on being able to handle most anything, I think I prefer to waddle in my ignorance for just a little longer.