Work Stuff

Just Breathe

Karen

Today is the reason I’ve gone ahead and planned our next vacation in April.

The nurse that I work with now is on maternity leave, which leaves me, myself and I pulling up the slack. That’s okay, I can handle it, she’s only going to be gone for 10 weeks.

Seven weeks and 1 day left.

But who’s counting.

I’m doing two jobs now, hers and mine. Oh sure, I have other nurses helping out, I have a covering nurse every day, but let’s be honest, their doctors come before mine; I would be the same way. So, my doctor is counting on me to take up the slack. I braced myself for this, I’ve been down this road before.

Only the last time I was by myself I was RELIEVED to be rid of my nurse. My past nurse was a nightmare, my current nurse is a dream come true.

I prayed so hard for a good nurse to replace the one I had and God answered my prayers.

Yesterday was crazy. Our doctors are usually out of the office the last two weeks of the year and this year was no exception. My doctor returned to the office on Wednesday and of course, I spent all day Thursday playing catch up, calling patients back, working patients in for next week (did I mention my doctor was on call Wednesday, too? Well, he was).

I got a lot done today but I still have a lot to do. Who am I kidding, it’s a never-ending cycle. I had a patient just show up today, she expected to get her sutures removed, she was too early. My doctor sees his post-op patients at two weeks as opposed to his partners who see their patients at four weeks. Our patients get their staples/sutures removed at their post-op appointments. This patient was not very happy with me since she drove an hour and a half and her husband took off work. She wasn’t mad at me, she was mad at the person who told her it was okay to come in.

This is what happens when you don’t care enough to help patients, it trickles down to the next unsuspecting, and dare I say, undeserving person.

I smoothed the waters but after an already hectic morning, it set my teeth on edge. I tend to have very little patience for ineptitude anyway, let alone I don’t give a shit attitudes.

True story, I don’t like talking on the phone. I don’t really like people all that much though if you were ever to meet me you would not believe that statement. I have a “persona” when I’m at work, I’m switched ON. I become a different person. I don’t necessarily dislike this person I become at work, it’s just EXHAUSTING to be this person at work. I hear so many stories, I field so many questions, I smooth so many waters that by the time I get home from work, I’M DONE. I can’t stand the thought of seeing another person or speaking to another person.

Poor Kevin.

Hence the reason I’ve been MIA on this blog for the past several years.

But at the same time, my job is rewarding; I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Yes, it’s stressful, yes, you’re never, ever caught up, but it’s deeply satisfying and it’s never boring. I’m constantly being challenged and I feel bored if I’m juggling at least four balls at once.

Speaking of stressful, I feel I’ve aged ten years this past year. The two years I was stuck with the worst nurse in the history of nurses really broke me. I feel like my face sags more and I definitely have more wrinkles. Even Kevin has commented on it. Stress really does age you.

But even though I look stressed, I don’t really feel that stressed anymore. I’m comfortable with what I’m doing, I’m confident that I know my doctor and his preferences, I’m comfortable around my team members and I love my doctor’s new nurse – she is truly a spectacular nurse.

I’m confident things will settle down and we’ll have more of  a routine once my nurse comes back from maternity leave.

But right now? I need to remind myself to stop, relax and breathe. Life is too short to stress about the small stuff.

Just breathe.

Parenting

Teaching Your Children to be Money Smart

Karen

I feel like we’ve done something right in the parenting department when it comes to money matters. I feel like our boys are frugal with their money and Blake is downright cheap. In fact, he’s so cheap, he won’t even buy himself food or water; he lives on Ramen noodles, not exactly the most nutritious dinners for a mid-twenties something man.

And Brandon is careful with his money, but is more willing to freely spend it on things he feels will benefit him. For example, he just bought a yearly subscription to some 3D software package/classes that he’s super interested in and hopes to make a career out of someday. He laid down quite the pretty penny but he’s excited about it and it warms my heart that he’s thinking about his future.

I do wish we had made the boys “work” more when they were in school, though. In essence, their “job” was to do well in school. I wish I had made them do more chores around the house and/or work for the things they wanted as opposed to just holding off until getting what they wanted for their birthdays and Christmas.

“Don’t give them an allowance for essentially breathing. ” I laughed out loud when she said that part in the video. I have ALWAYS thought giving an allowance was not a good idea and I ALWAYS told the boys that if they wanted something they would have to get jobs, earn the money and then buy it. (Hence the reason they waited around for their birthdays and holidays to get what they wanted).

Though I feel like we taught them about the importance of money, I feel like we could have done a better job at guiding them on HOW to make money and HOW to save it. Yes, the boys have money saved up, yes, they are careful on what they spend it on, but we still need to do a better job of guiding them on  investing it and/or putting their funds into something that will grow and benefit them when they get to be our age.

I hope this video gave you food for thought about the lessons you’re teaching your children about money. Being smart money stewards is another responsibility we have as parents to help our children succeed in life.

Life

Wrapping up the Holidays

Karen

I received nothing for Christmas. Not one gift.

Kevin and I haven’t exchanged Christmas gifts in quite some time.  I’m perfectly fine with this, it’s just … odd, I guess. I mean, when you have to sit and think really hard for something you want, it’s sort of a buzzkill for me. It takes the enjoyment out of it. And I would much rather give a person a gift he/she really wants than just come up with something so I have something to wrap and give him/her on Christmas day.

I realize that gift giving on Christmas changes when you get older. I used to feel so sorry for my mom growing up because though my dad gave her gifts, there weren’t very many of them and I just couldn’t understand how she could be okay with that.

But now that I’m older, I get it. Christmas is about so much more than getting gifts, it’s about giving and spending time with family.

I know that sounds so cliche, but it’s so true. I TRULY love giving gifts. I love the challenge of finding the perfect gift and knowing that what I gave them they will enjoy and appreciate.

At least that’s what I tell myself

I know this time of year is hard on our boys. We used to GO ALL OUT for Christmas. We gave them some really awesome memories. And we used to SPOIL THE CRAP OUT OF THEM. And by that, I mean, there would be twenty gifts for them to open.

Yes. We were THOSE parents. But we only did that a few years before waking up and realizing that was probably sending them the wrong message – it’s about quality, not quantity.

But because we had those awesome Christmases, they came to expect it. Blake seems mature about the holidays now, but I sense that Brandon continues to be disappointed in our gifts. For now all we buy them are things I know they won’t buy on their own – like clothes, underwear, socks, etc. And their stockings consist of health and beauty aides – shampoo, deodorant, toothbrushes, toothpaste, etc. Not exactly earth shattering and not exactly fun to open but I’m confident that when they get their loot home and have stocked shelves and realize how much money they just saved that month by NOT having to buy that stuff, I know they appreciate it.

Since the boys live on their own and make their own money, they can buy whatever they want when it comes to entertainment. Not to mention, their tastes have matured and I have no idea what their even in to nowadays so I wouldn’t have the first clue on what to buy them even if we did go down that road.

We did buy them a “fun” gift this year – a water cooler. WHOA. EARTH SHATTERING I KNOW. But we knew they missed our water cooler and it was my sneaky attempt to tempt them to drink more water. Blake went to Urgent Care this year because he was having trouble peeing. And when he peed, he couldn’t pee very much. My first thought was urinary tract infection. He doesn’t have a PCP, (in fact, none of us do and that’s on my list of things to accomplish in 2018, get a PCP), so he went to Urgent Care.

After waiting around for three hours, they scanned his bladder, empty, and took a urine sample. They sent him home and told him they would call if there was a problem and oh yeah, drink more water.

The same advice I’ve been telling him for years – stop drinking so much soda and drink more water.

They never called so we’re assuming he didn’t have a UTI and he has finally started eating better and drinking more so he hasn’t had an issue since that incident.

And even though the whole episode was worrisome and stressful for him, I’m sort of glad that it happened. Because when his final bill came back from that three hour visit to the Urgent Care where basically nothing was done for him, he realized that taking care of his body is not only important to feel good, but it’s ultimately better on his wallet, too.

His bill was a little over $1,000. Thankfully, he’s on my insurance and it only ended up costing him $84 dollars, but it was a good learning experience that 1. take care of your body so you don’t HAVE to make trips to the doctor/hospital and 2. health care is outrageously EXPENSIVE.

He will, however, need to find new insurance this year. He will turn 26 and it will be time to spread those wings and fly away. It will be interesting to see what his options are. His birthday is in November, so who knows what health insurance will look like in the fall.

Let’s hope his choices are better than OBummer care were.

But as far as gift giving between me and Kevin, it didn’t happen. We have mutually agreed no gifts. Our gift to each other was to book a cruise in April to the Southern Caribbean. I would rather spend nearly two weeks together than open a gift on Christmas day.

(This will make my tenth cruise and Kevin’s 11th cruise. Can you tell we love to cruise? Get yourself a credit card where you build frequent flyer miles to cash in for flights and it’s not nearly as expensive as you might think it is. Just pay your credit card off each month – if you carry a balance, then it’s not really a good deal, now is it).

It really bothers me whenever I see people on Facebook brag that they “got everything they asked for.” I’m sure they are grateful for everything they received but it just hits me wrong when they word it like that. I’m a big YouTuber watcher (yes, that’s a word in my dictionary) and it bothers me to watch “my Christmas haul” types of videos too, but I have to admit, it is interesting to see the types of things that people get for Christmas.

I just feel like, or I guess it validates what everyone thinks, that Christmas is all about the “stuff” and the true meaning is just buried somewhere.

We didn’t do much for New Year’s Eve, we never do, we’re rather chill people. The boys, my nephew, Roy and my parents came over. We played games, ate tacos and stuffed our faces with too much sugar and a tiny bit of alcohol. I tried Pinot Grigio for the first, and last time. It was nasty. I’m not a drinker, but it would be nice to find a wine that doesn’t make me want to throw up in my mouth, just a bit. I’m glad we just bought the small bottles and didn’t waste a ton of money on a big bottle.

I’ve made five resolutions that I’m going to work hard on trying to keep this year: 1. read more and watch less YouTube, 2. get everyone set up with PCP’s, 3. write more ( or in my case – SOMETHING), 4. spend more time with my parents and 5. take long weekends away from work. I feel like this past year has really taken a toll on my body and life is too short to allow work to kill me.

I hope you enjoyed the holidays! I know a small part of me is relieved it’s over and we can all move on to the next chapter/year of our lives.

Politics

The TRUTH About Thanksgiving

Karen

Food, football, and…oppression. That’s what Thanksgiving has come to mean to many Americans.

Back in 2007, Seattle public school officials made national news by describing the holiday as a “time of mourning” and a “bitter reminder of 500 years of betrayal.”

This new narrative describes the Pilgrims as arrogant oppressors who fled persecution only to become persecutors themselves, depriving Native Americans of their land and their lives.

But this is wrong on every count.

First of all, the Pilgrims didn’t cross the ocean to flee persecution—or even England. They’d been living for over a decade in Holland, Europe’s most tolerant nation, and a haven for religious dissenters. Free from interference by the Church of England, they feared seduction—not persecution, worrying that their children would be corrupted by the materialistic Dutch culture.

That’s why they risked their dangerous 1620 voyage to a wilderness continent: not because they were running from oppression, but because they were running toward holiness—fulfilling a fateful mission to build an ideal Christian commonwealth.

They initially planned to plant this model society on the wild, wolf-infested island known to natives as Manhattan, but winds and tides blew them 250 miles off course, dumping the Mayflower on the frozen coast of Massachusetts.

See full transcript here, along with references.

I love references. It’s hard to ignore, or dispute, references.

Life

Life Update

Karen

Hey.

How are you?

Do not adjust your monitor.

Your eyes are not playing tricks on you.

It’s me.

I’m writing.

And I actually hit publish this time.

Go buy a lottery ticket. (No, don’t buy a lottery ticket, it’s a scam)

So hi. I’m still here. Lurking in the background, peeking over your shoulder, breathing heavily into your ear.

I’m still alive.

Want proof? *sigh* FINE.

This is me and Kevin on our last cruise, this past September. That was our 9th cruise together. (Kevin just got back from his 10th, without me. There is SO MUCH to catch up on!)

We is cute. I know. It’s too much to handle. I’ll give you a moment to absorb the cuteness.

Where did we leave off? What was the last thing I blogged about? …….. Oh yeah, my new car.

It’s … good. I miss my Vibe. My Vibe was the best car I’ve ever had. But this Buick Encore is not bad. It’s a small SUV and I’m a bit disappointed by the smallness. I’m used to having so much room in my Vibe. If OBummer, (also known as Obama), hadn’t come along and messed stuff up so that Pontiac went out of business, I would have TOTALLY bought a newer Vibe, but alas, Democrats happened and that option was taken from me.

*Cue offensive feeling*

I don’t sugar coat it, folks. I’m certainly not a Democrat and I’m no longer a Republican, (what a bunch of pussies), so I guess you could call me a Libertarian. (Don’t tread on me, get out of my bedroom, MY MONEY, back off). So, OF COURSE, this blog will be slanted toward that arena. If you’re easily offended, or can’t swallow the truth, then I’d suggest leaving, now. Cause I don’t mince words and I don’t apologize for my opinions though I do try and stay fair and objective because I’m not a sheeple; I have a brain, I’m not afraid to use it.

Anyhoo …

I’ve put a whopping 4200 miles on my car now. I bought it in February, (March?). I don’t drive much. I don’t really have many places that I drive to. I literally live two miles from the hospital and I’m at the hospital most of the time, so … the Blue Book value on my car will always be clean, I’m predicting.

It’s a BEAUTIFUL Sunday afternoon. It’s a pleasant 50 degrees and I’m trying to talk myself into editing baby shower pictures that I took this past Thursday.

Don’t get excited. Our boys are still single. I’m not a grandma and don’t really think I’ll ever be a grandma, to be perfectly honest. It was a dual baby shower for two nurses that I work with. One is my (new) boss, and the other one is the God send nurse that replaced the CRAP nurse I was forced to work closely with for TWO LONG YEARS.

This new nurse is AWESOME. She is a perfect fit for our dysfunctional and totally OCD team. We had her a few weeks before she told us she was pregnant. Not gonna lie, I was pretty annoyed because DUDE, you just started with us and now you’re going to be on maternity leave for 10 long weeks which means I will have to do two jobs and be the contact person for my doctor and PA until you get back. Because it’s all about me, you see. But to be fair, our nurse, let’s call her T, did tell all of us in her interview that she wanted to have another baby; she just wasn’t prepared to get pregnant quite this fast. But you know, babies have their own time tables.

So, after the shock wore off, we started planning a baby shower. And by “we”, I mean, my freaking awesome PA. This PA’s motto is “GO BIG OR GO HOME.” She never, ever does anything half ass. Whether that’s doing her job or planning a party, she has a way of going above and beyond and making individuals feel very special. It’s a LOT of work for her, but she seems to enjoy it and I know other people enjoy the fruits of her labors.

Coincidentally, another nurse, someone who got promoted to nurse manager, also got pregnant at the same time – they are actually about 5 weeks apart, so naturally, we decided to combine the parties.

It was a GREAT PARTY, again, largely thanks to our PA. (We had the party at her house). Nearly every single person in our clinic showed up, even the doctor I work for. I think that says a lot about our clinic – we have such a great group of people.

I was the photographer. Don’t be impressed, I’m really not that great of a photographer. I simply point and shoot. BOOM. I present my photography skills. And I love taking pictures … I just hate going through them afterwards. I know that sounds weird but I think I’m afraid I’ll be disappointed with the results. If I don’t go through them, then I can go on tricking myself into believing that they will turn out good.

Welcome to my head.

But I need to go through them, people at work are asking about them so I will bite the bullet, open the files and hope my little point/shoot Canon did it’s job.

I’m thinking about doing some podcasts and explaining all of the pictures I have to share with you. I’m SO far behind on sharing vacation pictures and various other things that the thought of typing all of the story behind these photos sort of exhausts me, so we’ll see. I’d like to blog more and I think doing podcasts might be easier than typing stuff. We’ll see. Don’t hold your breath.

To sort of summarize what is happening in my life:

1. Blake turned 25 yesterday. I mean … WHAT?!? One more year and he’ll have to think about buying his own health insurance. It’s sort of scary to think about considering our healthcare is SO messed up right now.

2. We finished our 9th cruise in September. (Already mentioned but worth repeating).

3. I am so happy to report that I’m working with a new, MORE IMPROVED nurse and my job is WAY better than it used to be. I am WAY less stressed. I like my job more, too.

4. Kevin, Roy and Blake just returned from a cruise. It was Roy’s first cruise and I’m quite certain, not his last. He’s already bugging Kevin about booking another one.

5. Yes. Roy still lives across the street in our rental house. It’s annoying, but it … works.

6. Brandon has been busy working on a map for a video game he’s been test playing. In fact, his map has gotten so much attention, the creator of the game has contacted him and has offered him money to test some stuff out. I just hope it’s legit and he’s not being scammed.

7. Now I wish I could get Blake interested in doing something for his future. He can’t work for Kevin forever. I lose sleep over this issue.

8. I can’t believe the political chaos this country is going through right now. People are so easily offended and I feel like up is down, and down is up. I’m afraid it will not get better though as the bible says it will only get worse. Brace for impact.

9. I am completely hooked on Sims 4. And now that the Dogs/Cats expansion pack is out, I’m OBSESSED. And get this, I don’t even like animals that much. *insert collective gasp*

10. My youngest nephew on my side of the family just got married and is getting ready to be a father. I’m hoping our two boys see this and recognize that life is literally passing them by. Getting old is scary enough, it’s really scary when you’re alone.

11. I’m a year older. I won’t say how old but I’m just past that half century mark. It’s so WEIRD getting older because I look at myself and feel like I’m 30 but other days my body feels every bit my age.

12. Kevin and Roy are renting shelves and now have a booth at an antiques’ shop. They both LOVE going to yard sales and finding great deals and I’m not opposed to that idea, but I AM opposed to buying junk just because it’s a good deal and then not having a place to put it. Now, they can buy junk and try and resell it for a profit. They’ve already made $50. Not a bad start!

13. The boys, Roy and my oldest nephew, (the boys are now living with him – did I mention the boys moved into a three-bedroom apartment and love their space so much more??) come over every Sunday night for dinners. Yes, it’s a free meal to them, but it’s nice to get together and see them. I always envisioned them doing this when they got out on their own. Hopefully, if/when they find significant others they still want to continue the “tradition.”

14. Thank God we are not hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year. We did it last year. We had a garage party. Yet another story I need to tell you.

15. Kevin’s parents sold their house and are now living in an RV full time. It’s been quite an adjustment and I think they are loving it so far. But winter is approaching and they are talking about driving to Texas for the winter. The problem? My father-in-law shouldn’t be driving at all, let alone an RV. Not sure how that is going to shake out.

16. Did I mention I like my job again?

17. Kevin is BLASTING his guitar right now. He’s been building amplifiers as a hobby and he’s testing one out right now. He’s in his office, which is a screened-in porch that he converted to his office, so the sliding glass door is closed but he’s being so loud, my ears are ringing. I hope the neighbors can’t hear him.

Time to go. I have a Baked Pasta in the oven, (see recipe below – my sister-in-law made it when Kevin had his motorcycle accident back in 2010 and we’ve been hooked ever since, the boys will end up taking the leftovers home) and the boys will be over soon for our Sunday night dinner.

Thanks for reading!

Baked Pasta

1 (16 oz) package of dry pasta (I use Penne)
1-2 lbs of ground chuck (less fat)
2 (28 oz) jars of spaghetti sauce
6 oz sliced provolone cheese
1 1/2 cups of sour cream
6 oz mozzarella cheese
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese

Cook pasta 9 minutes in a large pot of salted water. Combine cooked meat and spaghetti sauce and simmer 15 mimnutes.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a lightly greased baking dish, place about one half of the pasta into the dish, top with a layer of provlone and mozzarella. Spread half of the spaghetti sauce mixture and layer all of the sour cream. Cover with remaining half of pasta, remaining half of provolone and mozzarella, and remaining half of sauce. Sprinkle with Parmesan. Bake for 30 minutes or until bubbly.

Serve with garlic bread. YUM!

Life

Encore, Encore!

Karen

Let’s talk about something non-work related …

I bought a new car! It’s a 2017 Buick Encore in a pretty blue color.

me-car2

I never pictured myself with a blue car but when I saw this one, it just spoke to me.

Side note: Who thinks this looks like a skate? Or a blue potato on wheels?

Yes. We traded my Pontiac Vibe in. We really had no intention of going that route. This happens to us every time we start talking about making any sorts of big changes … it just sort of happens and when it happens, it happens QUICKLY.

My Vibe was 10 years old with only 68,000 miles on it. I’ll let that sink in a moment. That’s only about 7,000 miles per year! That’s what happens when you live 2 miles from work. And I work so much, I never go anywhere BUT work so … yeah, it was CLEAN.

My Vibe was not acting up or giving us any problems. It’s been a very good car. It’s just been ten years and we thought we should probably trade it in before it lost any more in value. Though honestly, I would have been fine driving it another five/ten years – it was a good car!!

So. We started looking. I always tell Kevin, let’s not look unless we’re serious because then we get excited and before you know it, we have a new car.

Kevin found the Hybrid CMAX. We had been talking about buying a Hybrid but the last time I drove a Hybrid was ten years ago when we were looking for a car. And back then, they were just WEIRD. I test drove a Hybrid Ford Escape and I could never tell if the thing was still running or not; it freaked me out. So we scratched that idea then ran across the Vibe. I knew, immediately, I loved the Vibe. It just felt right. And then good old Uncle Sam had to stick his big nose into things and Pontiac went out of business.

I was truly sad. I loved Pontiac cars and I would have totally bought a new Vibe, if they were available.

But since that wasn’t an option, we thought the CMAX looked nice. We went to Ford and test drove it. It’s a super nice car. And the Hybrid feature has improved so I didn’t feel quite as freaked out by the lack of motor noise/feel. The dashboard was HUGE. I guess that’s where they had to make room for the battery. It’s very high tech. The CMAX we drove already had 25,000 highway miles on it and it was a 2016. But considering I really don’t drive that much, the 25,000 miles didn’t really bother us that much. But we wanted to keep looking so we continued looking online. We came across the Encore and made an appointment to test drive it.

I loved the Encore right off the bat. It has a fancy-smancy touch screen that syncs to your phone and it comes with Sirius XM radio and Onstar / WiFi hotspot options.

It’s so cool, because if someone texts me while I’m driving, then that person gets an auto reply along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but I’m driving right now, I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” In fact, my doctor text me the other morning and got that auto reply. I told him when I saw him at work, “I see my car has been talking to you.” HA!

However, it’s also distracting and you have to train yourself not to stare at the screen whilst your driving. However, if someone calls me, then I can just press a button with my thumb on the steering wheel and answer the phone without taking my eyes off the road. Which is pretty cool!

So. We both love the car and go into the dealership to talk numbers. Since we saw the car online, they had a $5,000 off the sales price promotion. So now we needed to find out what they would give us for our car. We actually happened to buy my Vibe from this same dealership so we were hoping for a good deal. They came back with a dollar amount. I wasn’t surprised but Kevin pushed a little more and they gave us a little more. Looking back, we should have just kept the car and sold it, we would have gotten more money for it, but ultimately, neither one of us wanted to mess with putting in an ad, having people look at it, securing payment, etc., so we agreed. With the $5,000 off and our trade-in, we ended up paying a lot less for the Encore than we did for the Vibe ten years ago so we were happy with the price.

They had us approved and out the door before we even knew what was happening. It was easy, WAY TOO EASY. In fact, they sold us the car and took possession of my Vibe all without the title. Kevin went to the safe deposit box the next day and got the title. I thought that was awful trusting of them to do the transaction without the title in hand, but I guess since we were repeat customers they felt like they could trust us. That and our credit score was crazy good. 🙂

I’m loving this car so far. It has a few things that I’m not crazy about, it sort of hesitates whenever I take my foot off the brake and before I accelerate. The brakes are also super sensitive. And it’s not as big as the Vibe was as far as the storage compartment. Oh, and it doesn’t get as good of gas mileage as my Vibe did, but overall, I’m happy with it. Kevin and I are talking about driving down to Padre Island sometime in September for our vacation this year. We’ll see. We are foregoing the cruise this year – we are saving our frequent flyer miles to cash in next year for our two week Mediterranean cruise.

It doesn’t have a key. It’s just a push button ignition. At first, this bothered me but I’m quickly getting used to it. I don’t have to dig my keys out of my purse whenever I approach the vehicle. As long as the key fob is a certain distance from the car, all you have to do is grab the door handle, push this button and it automatically unlocks. When you start it, you just put your foot on the brake and push the button. You push it again to turn it off.

I hope this car is just as good as the Vibe was because I’ll be driving it for at least ten years. Who knows what cars will be like then!

Work Stuff

Gone at Last

Karen

Where to start …

Work has consumed me. There have been so many changes this past year – it has at once flown by and yet it feels like time has stood still. And by that I mean, it’s the same day-in-and-day-out. The type of work I do is very repetitive, rooming patients, taking blood pressures, interviewing patients, scheduling appointments … but the patients and their individual problems, needs and personalities, mix everything up so I’m NEVER bored.

I now consider working my hobby. Does that sound weird? Nearly every waking moment I’m either thinking about work or preparing for work. Not the work itself, really, but I feel like I’ve spent so much time physically and mentally preparing for every work day that I’m determined to make it pay off. In fact, I put so much time and energy into my work day, giving 150% of ME into my job that I’m entirely knackered by the weekend and all I want to do is mindlessly watch YouTube videos or play Sims 4 – anything that doesn’t require any mental energy.

I’m not sure it’s entirely healthy to be that invested in my job, but I feel like it keeps me young, it also helps that I work with 20-somethings, as well. I’m always on my feet running around and really don’t sit that often and it certainly taxes my pea brain. Our brains are muscles and need to be stimulated – I feel like this job will keep me on my toes enough that hopefully I never have to worry about Dementia or Alzheimer’s. Yes. I think about those things. Getting older REALLY, REALLY, REALLY bothers me. I think my biggest fear, and I hesitate to even write it because if I write it then will it come true? Is becoming old. Like so old I can’t control my body or my mind. So old that I become a burden on our sons. Or so old that I’m no longer able to live on my own without assistance.

I’m very determined to not allow that to happen.

My dad’s dad passed away a few months ago. He lived on his own until about two-ish years ago when he was finally unable to get around without assistance and he went into a nursing home for veterans. I never visited him at his home. In fact, I hadn’t seen my grandpa in many (decade?) years. I have no excuses – I simply didn’t take the time out of my day to see him. I’m very selfish with my time. This is not a good thing and I feel like a bad person for admitting it but it’s true. I have many, many regrets when it comes to my family and to this day, I can’t really explain why I’ve been the way I’ve been – a recluse. Which is puzzling to me because I’m a realist and brutally honest with my feelings and openly recognize my flaws. Though I suspect the reason is there, bubbling under the surface, I’m just refusing to acknowledge it, either here or to anyone, really.

I admired my grandpa. He was a very stubborn man. He hobbled around on a bad hip for a number of years, by himself, with very little complaint. He fought living on his own and continued onward after my grandma passed away. And I know her passing was a terrible hardship on him – he worshiped her. I like to think I have my grandpa’s stubborn streak. I REFUSE to allow my aging to get in the way I live my life or how my family lives their lives.

I hadn’t really planned on talking about the aging process in this post but I’m allowing my thoughts and feelings to dictate this post so here goes: getting older absolutely terrifies me. I already feel like my body is not really my own anymore. I used to be able to control it and of course, I continue to control it today, but there has been a noticeable shift. Ever since I went through “the change” my body has been thrown off kilter. I’ve noticed more aches and pains since menopause. I tire so much more easily and I’ve been playing around with supplements because I know my body is not producing the nutrients I need anymore. I’ve seen, firsthand, what osteoporosis does to bones and what terrible things it can do to people – it can back people into an impossible corner – bones so brittle they literally crack and are so thin that surgery is not an option because it’s counterproductive to put any sort of hardware in bones that won’t sustain it. So I’ve been taking calcium and Vitamin D religiously.

I’ve been taking Flaxseed daily because I read somewhere that it mimics estrogen and it’s good for your heart and I honestly feel better when I take it – I can definitely tell when I forget to take it for a few days. I’m not anemic anymore since I no longer bleed every month but there are days I can’t even lift my arms I’m so fatigued, so I know it’s time to take some iron and I feel better. My nerve endings are so sensitive sometimes that I know it’s time to take Vitamin B, which calms them down. Your body talks to you, you just have to take the time to listen to it.

I’ve been under so much stress at work – I’ve never been under this much stress in my life. It sucks the very life out of me at times – and yet, I THRIVE on it. I can’t imagine being a doctor, or even a nurse, to be honest – I just don’t think I could handle the stress though now I fully appreciate why doctors are fanatics when it comes to exercising – because it helps counteract the amount of stress their bodies sustain.

Sidenote: I’m back to using my treadmill – even walking 30 to 45 minutes several times a week HELPS SOOOOO MUCH.

I’m a Medical Assistant. And the job itself is not really all that stressful, but, when you work with someone who doesn’t do her job, it becomes extremely stressful. Because I’m a perfectionist, you see. I am not wired to do a half-ass job. I want people to rely on me and know that if I’m doing a job, you can bet I’m doing it to the best of my ability. I want people to know they can count on me – that I’m loyal, dependable, helpful, fun, and good at my job. The doctor and PA I work for are amazing. They are truly amazing people and they inspire me daily. Our team, as a whole, is organized, efficient and patients seem to like us, at least, according to the scores we get. (Yes. The government scores doctors and their pay is directly proportional to how good their scores are – Medicare/Medicaid patients that is. On the surface, that sounds great. But when the government starts telling the doctors how they can/can not practice, then it’s not that great anymore and ultimately, the very patients they are trying to protect suffer. But that sums up government, doesn’t it. ). But when you work with someone who is clearly lacking work ethic, the whole team becomes stressed and strained.

So, I’ve been doing two jobs, off and on, (mostly on), for two years. TWO. YEARS. Working late became routine for me. It was unusual for me to arrive home before 7:00 PM most nights. I had a new normal, unfortunately. No. I didn’t HAVE to work that late most nights but if I didn’t, then I would begin the next day even further behind because then I would have to finish up the previous day’s work before starting the current day’s work. And because I was fighting an uphill battle, our phone calls were out-of-control. We were getting, AVERAGE, 30 to 40 calls PER DAY. And that stressed me out even more.

Yes. I complained. Yes. We had numerous “team” meetings, though the team meetings basically consisted of one person being told she needed to do better. And it would get better, for a time, before this person slipped back into her lackluster work ethic and ended up spending more time eating and shopping than she did actually working. I tried to be understanding and helpful at first. And I kept my thoughts mostly to myself. But after a while, it became clear that I was being taken advantage of and I ended up in the ER, twice, due to chest pains. (And after a stress test and a wearing a holster monitor for three days it was determined it was likely a panic attack).

And then I became angry. I can’t believe I allowed an annoying, less-than-intelligent female to cause me so much grief. The stubborn streak I inherited from my grandpa kicked in. In my mind, allowing one person to affect me so much was allowing this person to have some power over me and I simply will not allow that to happen. EVER. So, I was on a mission to make some changes. I was no longer going to cover for this person. Every mistake she made, every time she procrastinated on something, I went to management about it. I took screen shots, I kept running tallies of things she put off for days, and shouldn’t have. Times were ugly because this person would get called into offices and lectured and still, STILL, she continued to laugh it off and/or have a ready-made excuse as to why things weren’t being done and/or why she was rude to patients.

There were areas I kept my hands completely out of in order to give herself more rope with which to hang herself. I was done stepping in and saving the day. And yes, it bothered me GREATLY and it was really hard not to take control and make things better and yes, it truly bothered me that patients had to suffer as a consequence, but if I wanted things to change, I had to allow these things to happen. I was confident that her piss-poor work habits would eventually catch up to her, and they did. Unfortunately, I can’t go into details as to what exactly happened, but suffice it to say, it was very bad and potentially dangerous. She finally got written up. But again, things did not improve. I think this girl had been so used to being compared to an “I Love Lucy” character and laughing her mistakes/antics off, that she truly thought it would save her – that people would just shrug and say, “Well, that’s _______ for you.”

No. Just no. That is not acceptable, especially when we have patients who are counting on us and trusting us to take care of them.

Finally. Finally. The doctor had had enough. He was having to step in and smooth the waters one too many times. He spoke to management. And the next thing I knew, she was being told she wasn’t a good fit and to find a new position elsewhere.

I had mixed feelings. On one hand, I was relieved. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. On the other hand, I had such guilt. For though I wasn’t the one who was making the mistakes and had a piss-poor attitude, I felt responsible because I went out of my way to make sure the proper people knew about her screw ups.

She continued to work for our clinic for four weeks after she was told to find something else. Since she wasn’t technically “fired” and didn’t have any vacation time she could cash in and use, she stuck around for four weeks while she interviewed for a new position. She was present when we started interviewing a replacement nurse. She was present when our entire team went into another room to discuss the applicants’ pros and cons. She was present when these applicants were shown around our clinic, given the “tour”, if you will. To say this was an awkward four weeks would be putting it mildly. And since I was the one who had to see her every day and continue to work with her, it was hardest on me.

Which stressed me out even further.

I started having chest pains again though I told no one. I didn’t go to the ER because I knew what was happening – I was having panic attacks. I finally bit the bullet and looked up my chart and read the holster monitor report back when I wore it when I went to the ER two years ago. (I don’t have a PCP so the ER doctor didn’t have anyone to forward the results to so I never got the results). I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t damaging an already weakened heart by NOT seeing a doctor. Everything was normal. Yes. My heart pauses at times, (skips a beat), and paused a total of 34 times in one hour at one point but apparently, it was still within the normal range so there was no cause for alarm. (Which seems weird that your heart pausing 34 times in one hour is still considered “normal??”) But the doctor recommended either magnesium and/or beta blockers for my chest pain so I thought I would throw in my magnesium with my other supplements and see how that worked. It worked, for the record. I haven’t had chest pain since starting magnesium.

This all happened in January of this year.

I was never so glad to see a month end in all my life.

This nurse and I are not friends – all ties have been severed which doesn’t bother me in the least. Not even a little. Yes. I’m a cold-hearted bitch. Tell me something I don’t know.

Look. Whenever a company is lucky enough to have me as an employee (*snicker*), I will give my employer 150%. The company is investing time and money in me, I’m going to deliver. I’m not working to become BFF’s or talk, endlessly, about my personal life with someone. Sure. If we get our work done and we have some laughs along the way, then BONUS. But to show up to work and expect to do little to nothing and be handed a paycheck? No. That’s not the way it works, or should work. As long as you do your job, then I don’t have a problem with you. It’s when you don’t do your job, that’s when the gloves come off and I get aggressive.

Our new nurse didn’t start until the beginning of March, this month. I can’t even begin to describe the night and day difference between these two women. This new nurse is enthusiastic and eager to do a good job. She cares about people and wants to help them. She’s happy to be a nurse and there is genuine joy in her. It’s such a breath of fresh air. We had a heart-to-heart the other day when our doctor/PA left for the day. She asked what she was getting into the middle of, that she had heard some things. I was completely honest with her. I told her what I just told you – do your job and we won’t have a problem. She said her interview was all about me, about how much they expected her to help me and to keep on top of my duties, to call patients back in a timely manner and to be proactive and keep on top of surgical requirements. I felt embarrassed when she told me that, I also felt honored and humbled. It’s nice to know the doctor/PA recognized the hell I’ve been living for the past two years and were trying to do everything they could to make my life easier. After it was announced the other nurse would be expected to find another position, my doctor and I had a sit down chat. He made me feel good in that he had no intentions of losing me. It made me feel appreciated.

I’ve been off the past few days, it will be interesting to see how she has done without me. Which is not to say she can’t do her job without me – any MA would be able to easily step in and do my job, but I got the feeling I was her anchor since she hasn’t really had a chance to hang out with the other nurses yet and learn the ropes. I feel sort of protective of her. She’s young though has been a nurse for a while and I guess it’s the mothering instinct in me to want to see her do well and be happy in her new job. I’m not completely heartless, you see.

My doctor is on vacation this week – he’s spending time with his kiddos for spring break, hence the reason I took a few “mental health” days off, but I’m looking forward to going back to work tomorrow and working with her. I have a lot of prep work ahead of me – getting ready for next week’s clinics and there’s a schedule I need to work on as my doctor has text me to say he will need to leave early next Wednesday so I can adjust his clinic schedule, but I’m approaching this change with fresh eyes and an open heart. I feel like Satan has really tested me these past few years and for the first time in months, I feel like I can breathe and genuinely smile again.