TBR

December To Be Read Stack

Karen

Hello readers!

You can tell which book I’m currently reading by the Goodreads widget in the sidebar.

I’m all about Kindle e-books. I’m a hard core e-book reader. I haven’t read an actual book in quite a long time and I find that when I hold an actual book, it feels large and clunky. I much prefer my Kindle e-reader than an actual book. With that said, I get all of my books from Kindle Unlimited – I rarely, if ever, spend money on a book – it all goes into the $10 dollars a month I pay for Kindle Unlimited.

So, if you’re interested in reading lesser known authors and want to save a ton of money in books, join me!

I rarely read anything lower than a four-star review on Goodreads – I’ve come to trust the reviews of Goodreads readers. I stopped reading for a long time simply because every book I read was stupid, or disappointing and ultimately, a waste of time. (I feel the same with movies – haven’t watched movies, or TV, in about a year). I’ve had great luck sticking to this philosophy and most of the books I read are pretty good.

You can see my book ratings on my Goodreads account.

My goal for 2020 is to read 90 books – I’m currently at 83 – I bumped my goal down to 90 because I participated in NaNoWriMo (and won, by the way!) but putting all of my focus into that challenge took a lot of time away from to be read stack. So. My list is not going to change month this year as I still want to read what was on my November TBR stack.

Moving on, here is my December 2020 TBR stack:

  1. The Price of Paradise by Susana López Rubio
  2. I See You by Mary Burton
  3. Winter’s Mourn by Mary Stone
  4. Burden of Truth by Robin James
  5. Beautiful Demons by Sarra Cannon
  6. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes

One ARC (Advanced Reading Copy from NetGalley – to be determined)

Happy Reading!
TueSLAY

TueSLAY – December 1st

Karen

 

 

I have a secret.

I’ve been keeping this secret for over two years now but now it’s time to confess. Are you ready? Don’t think less of me …

I wear false eyelashes. *GASP* I KNOW!

But hear me out. I wear falsies (every time I hear that word, I think of pasties and that’s VASTLY different and something I DON’T do) because now that I’m a *ahem* mature woman (I know – I can’t believe it either – because I certainly don’t act my age), and I’ve gone through the “change”, (yes, I’m really THAT old), my hair is thinning – every where. Not only on my head, but my leg hair (doesn’t THAT sound attractive) doesn’t grow as fast. Which, BONUS. But my arm hair has virtually all fallen out, (I used to have hairy arms – no more!), and the hair on my head is thinning, which I’m NOT a fan of (hence the reason I now take Biotin and have to clip my fingernails and toenails way more often – which is a con, in my book), but it also means my eyelashes have thinned out.

They were already short, thin and straight before, now they’re short, thin, straight and sparse. Yeah. Not a fan. Plus, I love the look of false eyelashes, so long and curly, they really frame the eyes and I’ve often been told my eyes are my best feature (they’re the color of poop, the cardboard colored poop, not the inky black poop that could indicate serious GI problems – can you tell I work in healthcare??) so it’s fun to add lashes and really make my eyes pop.

But I was scared to death when I started wearing them. I was convinced my co-workers would look at me strangely, seeing something different but not sure what was different but too polite to actually ask me. And they would have if I had chosen to wear the big spider legs long lashes but no, I choose to wear lashes that don’t “stick out” that far. (See what I did there?) I wear KISS brand “Shy” lashes as I find they give me just enough “oomph” to make my eyes pop but not enough to make people do a double-take when they look at me.

I use dark eyelash glue because I wear a lot of black eyeliner and I feel like it really blends in nicely with that. And I use a lot of glue because your girl has NO TIME to worry about wonky lashes during my work day and I want to make sure those suckers stay glued down. I wouldn’t say I’m an expert of putting them on, but I am definitely more confident and faster than I used to be putting them on.

I can make a pair of lashes last six days before they start looking ratchet and clumpy. I clean them have way through. I know that sounds gross, but I don’t have patience to spend 20 minutes on plucking the glue off each lash so by the end of the third day, I soak them down pretty good with mascara removal, I use this kind, and once they are good and wet, I grab hold of some glue with my fingers and tug it off. Sometimes it comes off all together and it’s so satisfying when that happens, but more often than not, it doesn’t and I end up stretching the band and I have to trim the ends because now it’s stretched so much it’s too long for my eyelid.

Though they look like they’re been worn a full week by Saturday, (I go makeup-less on Sundays to give my poor face a break), they’re really not that bad and I probably could make them stretch another week if I wanted to but again, I don’t want to take the chance of people looking at me and thinking, “what the hell is wrong with her face? Why does it look different today?” Especially since I wear glasses and I feel that is a neon sign that messages people TO LOOK AT MY EYES, WILL YA?

Anyway. I’ve gotten used to them and I like the way they look and I have pretty good luck with them keeping their curve and looking decent.

Until this past week. I’m in the middle of a package of lashes so I don’t think I got a bad batch, but the lashes I’ve worn this week have a lost their curl and now they just look like my normal lashes, only longer and more clumpy. Meaning, they stick straight out instead of curling nicely. It took me until today to figure out what likely happened: Thanksgiving happened. And I cooked, that’s what happened.

I never cook, just to be clear. But since we were forced to spend Thanksgiving away from our family, (well, we weren’t forced to spend Thanksgiving away from our family we CHOOSE to spend it away from our family because it was the responsible, adult thing to do since the nurse I work with and her entire family tested positive for COVID), I had to cook for my family. Kevin cooked chicken fajitas for lunch and I cooked spaghetti for dinner … do you see where I’m going with this? I cooked hamburger meat and noodles, which means lots and LOTS of steam. I’m pretty sure I steamed the curl right out of my lashes.

How annoying. And proof positive that cooking SUCKS. That will be my excuse the next time I need to cook for a get together. “Um, sorry. I can’t cook dinner – it will make my eyelashes droop.” I can just imagine Kevin’s face. HAHA!

 

So I won NaNoWriMo!! Woohoo! It’s been a hot minute since that happened. Let’s see … I’ve been with the hospital for nine + years now and I haven’t done NaNoWriMo since I started working there so … wow, ten years since I’ve participated. I did NaNoWriMo four or fives times in the early 2000’s but I think I’ve only won … two other times? Those times are not recorded on the NaNoWriMo website, which I’m bummed about, but I get it, it’s been nearly ten years after all. And the NaNo website has been overhauled since I last participated.

At any rate, I’m pretty proud of myself. I’m especially proud of myself because writing 50,000 words and working full time is no small feat. There is no way I could have done it with small children though so any young moms out there, whether you’re working outside the home or not, kudos to you for whatever word count you achieved.

I was a total NaNo Rebel. I know myself and my writing “style” and I knew there would be no way I would stick to one project. I have too much going on, too much on my mind, to just stick to one thing. Kevin and I have rather become political junkies and between that podcast and my own podcast (which I plan on getting back to now that NaNoWriMo is over), there’s just too much to think about and sort through. So, I took a hybrid approach this challenge. I counted all of my blog posts and my fiction, of course, toward my final count. However, I wrote nine pieces of fiction this month so I’m pretty happy with that. I was also able to keep track of the crazy election fraud process as well as COVID which I wrote about on the blog, too. I just have too much on my mind to stick to one project and honestly, I think it helps my creativity because I’m dumping my chaotic thoughts into this blog which frees up space to jump-start my creativity.

I’ve also been journaling in my bullet journal as well. I write my private thoughts in there, things I wouldn’t want to share with the Internet, and that has helped clear our even more space allowing my muse room to spread her wings.

I really enjoyed writing Maya, Dree and Jax’s pre-stories. I enjoyed getting to know them a bit better and to switch scenarios. It was also fun to write from a man’s perspective. I find myself wanting to put in “dude” a lot, as if guys really talk that way to each other, for the most part. I went a little overboard on the word count for Jax but … his story seemed to demand more. I wanted to show his relationship to Gabi and Bethany as I felt it would make the end even more impactful. I have no idea if I succeeded, but I’m pretty happy with it.

I almost bought a “Winner’s” t-shirt, but I decided against it. I’ve already spent so much money on the boys for Christmas that I felt it was a bit overboard to spend another $25 dollars on a t-shirt. I did buy the NaNoWriMo 2020 t-shirt, which I actually don’t like, but I wanted something to remind me of participating in NaNoWriMo.

Things I learned from this experience? A lot, actually. I’m beginning to think I’m not capable of writing a novel but rather, maybe I should focus more on a collection of short stories. I think it would be fun to somehow weave all of those short stories into a bigger story line or a theme. I know that quantity is not really an issue for me. For example, I used a lot of writing sprints on YouTube, which were HUGELY motivational for me and I hope these same YouTubers continue to do word sprints throughout the year, but when comparing my word count to those participating live at the time, I usually wrote way more than anyone else. My issue is, quality. Well, quality and direction. I write a lot but it doesn’t seem to go past a certain point. I get to that point and mark it done when it really isn’t. I don’t even know what I write could be classified as stories, but maybe more like scenes.

Maybe I should write a collection of scenes that somehow makes a story and/or a novel.

I’m also fascinated by the whole AuthorTube thing on YouTube. I’d like to become part of that community, maybe even participating in live streams, but I don’t know. I’m so much older than these kids and though I’m okay with putting my work online, who knows if I’m good enough to be accepted into a group. Does that make sense? All I know is that I’m very interested in the AuthorTube community and I wouldn’t mind giving that a go. Better yet, I think a hybrid approach of being part of the BookTube and AuthorTube community would suit me better since I’m an avid reader. My problem with the BookTube part of this is I read so fast and am itching to get to the next book I don’t have the patience to slow down and talk about the one I just read.

But … (this is what it’s like to be inside my head, ya’ll), I don’t see myself reading as many books in 2021 because I really want to keep this writing momentum going so … maybe participating in both BookTube and AuthorTube will motivate me to continue reading and writing.

Who knows.

Thought I would share a screenshot of my stats with you.

I pretty much stayed on task. I went three, sometimes four days in a row without writing a word, but then I caught up on the weekends and produced 6000/7000 words. Anyway, it’s over now and I plan on continuing to write. I hope YouTubers continue to host writing sprints because those were SUPER helpful and productive for me.

 

 

Telemedicine is killing me. Seriously. I can’t even tell you how stressful this year has been at work. And I don’t even work directly with COVID patients, I can’t imagine what kind of toll it’s taken on the poor saps assigned to work directly with COVID patients. But Telemedicine is it’s own special kind of hell. When it works and things are going smoothly, I love it. It really is efficient and it’s nice the patients don’t have to come into the office. But when it doesn’t …. good God, give me patience. It astounds me that in today’s society, with smartphones and all sort of cool gadgets that I thought people were used to by now, people do not know how to access his/her email from their phones. Or how to download an app. And I’ve never claimed to be patient, in fact, I would say I’m one of the most impatient people on planet Earth, but holy cow … I really should get an award for keeping my cool and not blowing my top and making a fool out of myself. I can’t tell you the number of times I have literally felt like walking out and a few times, I’ve gone to the restroom and thought, “what would happen if I just got my stuff and left?” I’ve thought so much of doing that that at times the thought becomes more and more possible, which scares me.

We’re still only seeing patients via Telemedicine. I think my doctor is doing it for us because with our nurse and her family coming down with COVID, I think he’s trying to protect us, his team. I get that, and I appreciate that, but I WISH we could go back to seeing patients in the clinic. I never realized, until COVID hit and we had to go to Telemedicine how much easier that was! I used to bitch because seeing patients face-to-face all the time was exhausting and it is exhausting, but when compared to the sheer frustration and mind-blowing madness that is Telemedicine, I will never again bitch about seeing patients face-to-face again. All of my doctor’s partners are seeing patients in the office, or the majority of them, anyway. I’m jealous of those teams. I’m jealous of those MA’s because the sheer work that goes into Telemedicine is off the charts. Calling everyone and talking them through the process is not a five minute conversation, it’s not a ten minute conversation, I spend, on average, 20 minutes with each patient leaving me very little time to get my regular work done or to return other phone calls. So that by the time I get around to my other work, it’s time to prep for the next clinic, clean up the previous clinic and/or fill in and help another doctor and his patients because we’re short handed and the people we’ve hired are still in training and won’t be up and running by themselves any time soon.

We still have a hospital full of COVID patients. We still have quite a few employees out with COVID so I understand the precautions, of course I do, but this year has aged me. And there are days I get home and just feel WIPED. OUT. I’m mentally tapped out. Do not ask me to speak or think because I’m incapable of it. I spend my time zoning out on YouTube videos because I can’t bring myself to think about another single thing.

I know some of it is because my nurse has been out and though I’ve had plenty of help from other nurses, it’s not the same. This job has challenged me like I’ve neve been challenged in life before and though it’s rewarding on so many levels, other times I look at myself in the mirror and ask, “WHY AM I DOING THIS??” I could go anywhere else and have a lot less stress (and probably make more money, let’s be honest) and yet, I stay. I feel loyal to my team. I could never abandon them, especially with our nurse being out right now. But …. *SIGH* this COVID nightmare HAS TO END. Right?? It’s can’t go on forever, right?? I feel like everyone has been pushed to his/her limits and we just can’t take anymore. Something has to give. Something has to change. We can’t keep this momentum indefinitely.

And now Dr. Fauci is talking about canceling Christmas and New Year’s Eve. STOP ASKING US TO GIVE UP SOMETHING. The American people are close to snapping. We can’t take much more of this. Truly. Something has to give. I have a feeling it might be my sanity.

Bullet Journal

December Bullet Journal Cover

Karen

Here is my December 2020 bullet journal cover. Full size is 420 x 595 pixels and fits an A5 journal page. Feel free to download it for your own journal, if you wish.

I’m currently working on my December spreads.

As usual, I will be including the following:

  1. Weather
  2. Sleeping
  3. Productivity Tracker
  4. Steps / Moods
  5. Reading

I will be adding these spreads this month:

  1. Writing / Blogging Tracker
  2. Podcast page
  3. YouTube video ARC review schedule (more on that soon)
  4. Yearly favorites page – YouTube videos and songs
  5. Best 5-star books I read this year (will post it on my blog, too)
  6. Top news stories of the year – blog version, too
  7. Dear Future Me – may post a blog version
  8. Vacation Ideas
  9. Places we’ve been (Kevin and I lose track!)
  10. Goals wrap up
  11. Photo of the month?

You know, I was happy getting back to a minimalist approach to my journal but the more I watch bullet journal videos, the more excited I get to add more spreads.

And of course, there are the pages I use for journaling because it’s a journal after all. I had 12 journaling pages this month. (Private thoughts, not for public consumption).

Here are some pictures from November:

My sleep and reading tracker. I haven’t quite decided if I like this type of sleep tracker, but I haven’t found any other tracker that I like better, so … and my reading tracker, I only read two books this month. FAIL. But, I was so focused on NaNoWriMo I just didn’t have the time, nor the energy, to read. I plan on catching up in December though – my goal is to read 90 books and I’m currently at 83.

Here is my NaNoWriMo spread. I don’t know why I made the right-side spread to 95K – AS IF! haha! But I do like seeing my word count at a glance. I plan on continuing this in December. As you can see, I didn’t write every day in November – my brain wouldn’t allow that. I did “reward” myself though, which was fun. I didn’t write it in, but I plan on buying myself some wireless earbuds as I plan on getting back to walking in December.

I am having so much fun with my productivity tracker. It changes each month, for example, I will be adding a walking icon for next month, and a painting icon (I plan on working on a paint-by-number for my office – because let’s face it, I’m not an artist and I need all the help I can get), and the Christmas shopping icon will go away as I already have all of my Christmas shopping done. And some days, like the 10th, all I had energy for was getting through clinic that day. I tell ya, dealing with people is EXHAUSTING.

And lastly, my weather, steps and moods tracker. I love keeping track of the weather. Kevin and I are always “arguing” about it not being this cold last year, or whatever, and now I can pull my journals out and show him I’m right. HA! I would like to spice up my steps/moods tracker though – how boring. I went this route on the moods tracker because I wanted to broaden my moods horizon. I’m never just happy, sad, angry or meh. I’m ALL the feels. *smirk*

By the way, I found this super cute pencil case for the journaler/writer in your life, if you need a gift idea. The kitty head slides down when opened so you can get to your pens/pencils, then slides back up to close. (not sponsored)

RIGHT?!? You’re welcome. 🙂

See? This is why you should follow me – you never know what sort of information you’re going to get from me. 

Happy journaling!

NaNoWriMo2020

Jax’s Pre-Story

Karen

(warning – language)

“Hey,” Jax said as he walked into the house.

“Hey,” Bethany answered without looking up from her phone.

Jax walked past his wife and shrugged out of his jacket tossing it across the back of his recliner. He peeled off his gun holster and walked into their bedroom to lock the gun in the safe. Even though guns were a big part of his life, he didn’t want his daughter to accidentally get a hold of them. Especially while she was young. He would teach her gun responsibility once she was old enough to understand and respect firearms and the importance of handling them correctly.

He washed his hands studying his reflection in the mirror. He looked tired. Light purple bags underscored his eyes and the fine lines around his mouth were more grooved. But that was to be expected, he supposed, having a three month old in the house that still wasn’t sleeping the whole night.

He peeked around the corner of the baby’s room. Gabriella was staring up at the mobile softly swinging above her. He smiled.

“Hey Gabi,” he said softly so as not to startle her. “I see you’re awake. Are you ready to join the land of the living?” He paused at the edge of her crib and gazed down at his beautiful daughter. She was his perfect angel. She had his dark hazel eyes and her mother’s heart-shaped mouth. She grinned up at him, a spit bubble popping near the corner of her mouth. He chuckled and reached down to scoop her up. Her small head fit his larger hand perfectly as he placed her against his chest. She snuggled against his shoulder and began rooting around.

“I see you’re hungry. Let’s go hunt mom down.” He carried her securely against him and walked back into the kitchen.

Bethany was busy tapping away on her phone. She was so engrossed in her conversation that she didn’t realize Jax was standing next to her until he cleared his throat.

“Who are you talking to?”

“Oh,” she squeaked out a nervous chuckle. “No one. Just responding to a Facebook post.”

“Bullshit.” He ground his teeth in irritation and narrowed his eyes. “You’re talking to HIM, aren’t you?”

She sighed and put her phone down while reaching for Gabi. “Don’t start, Jax. Jealously is not an attractive trait.”

He released his hold on Gabi and watched her carry their daughter to the sofa and settle down to breastfeed her.

“You could at least have the decency to not communicate with ‘your friend’ while I’m here,” he ground out and moved back to the kitchen. “And I could give a shit if you talk to him, just don’t do it in front of me.” He looked around the kitchen then opened the oven to peer inside. “What’s for dinner?”

“Whatever you’re making,” she responded while smiling down at her daughter who was now happily suckling away.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Look Bethany. I don’t expect you to be Betty Crocker but you’re home all day, the least you could do is fix dinner.”

“I didn’t have time.”

“Time from what?”

She kissed her daughter’s forehead before looking toward him. “Why do we have to have this conversation every night? I have responsibilities, Jax. Social media may not be a traditional 9-to-5 ‘job’ to you, but trust me, it’s very time consuming and I’m starting to make money from my videos and Instagram posts so … get over it.”

“But it’s taking time away from our daughter. How long was she awake in her crib? And there are dried tears on her cheeks. How long was she crying? Did you even know she was crying?”

Bethany continued to gaze down at Gabi with a soft smile and in a sweet, baby voice, she said, “Fuck you, Jax.”

He sighed and opened the fridge to gauge the food inventory. They had half a gallon of milk, a container of cottage cheese and an onion. He walked over to the pantry and yanked open the door. Three cans of pinto beans, half a package of spaghetti noodles and soy sauce. He slammed the door which startled Gabi who disconnected from Bethany to let out a startled cry.

“Shh,” Bethany soothed and rubbed her cheek. “Daddy is in a pissy mood, as usual. Just ignore him.”

“Seriously. There is nothing to eat!” He pulled out his phone to look at eating apps.

“Don’t order pizza. My waistline can’t take much more bread.”

“Yeah. You wouldn’t want to get fat for your boyfriend.”

Bethany lifted Gabi and placed her on her shoulder and began patting her back. “Jax, we talked about this. Are you seriously jealous? I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m a social media influencer. I’m going to have to interact with my fans, I can’t just ignore them!”

He ran a hand down the scruff of his 5 o’clock shadow. “Maybe you need to find another job. It’s killing our marriage.”

“It’s only killing our marriage because you’re allowing it to. Stop being so insecure. Also, what marriage?” A deep-seated burp emitted from Gabi and Bethany stood up. “Good one, baby girl.” She walked over and handed Gabi to Jax. “Can you take her for a while? I need to answer some emails.”

“Sure.” He grinned softly at his daughter who was drunk on milk and she cooed at him. His heart melted and he kissed her cheek while tickling her ribs. She erupted in giggles and his grin morphed into a full-fledged smile. “Come on, princess, let’s go grab some grub, shall well?” He grabbed the diaper bag that was always packed and ready by the door and without a backward glance, he left the house.

They arrived at the store and Jax slipped on the baby carrier. He had never used it before but had put it on just to figure out how it worked. He unsnapped Gabi from her car seat and tried to slip her inside the carrier but she was kicking her chubby little legs so much he couldn’t get her in.

“Listen here you little squirmy monkey,” he laughed as he tried to navigate her into the carrier.

“Do you need some help?” an attractive 20-something woman said as she was walking past.

“Actually, yes, if you don’t mind. Could you hold the carrier open while I put her inside?”

“No problem,” she said and moved forward to grab hold of the carrier and open it wide enough for him to put Gabi inside.

Gabi settled in with a squirm and flashed him a toothless grin.

“Thank you. I’m not sure I could have made that work on my own,” Jax grinned at the woman and moved to grab the diaper bag and shut the door.

“Glad to help. I have a niece about her age and I know my sister has a hard time getting her settled sometimes.”

Jax could tell she was interested in him and he tried not appear rude as he started walking away.

“Is that your daughter?”

“Yes,” he said while grabbing a cart from an outside cart corral. “I’m just running in to grab some dinner for my wife.”

“Ah,” she said, getting the hint. “Lucky woman. Well, take care.”

“Yeah, you too,” he said and nearly laughed out loud. Lucky woman indeed. He was pretty sure she didn’t feel she was lucky in their relationship.

Or whatever it was they were doing. Co-habituating maybe?

He snorted in disgust and pushed the cart into the store. What the hell was he doing? Was this really how he wanted to live his life? They hadn’t had sex since Gabi was born though he knew that women had to wait a while after giving birth before they were cleared to have sex, he knew for a fact that Bethany’s doctor had cleared her a long time ago. But somehow, neither one of them wanted to instigate anything.

It wasn’t that he didn’t find her attractive. He wasn’t one of those guys that lost sexual interest once the woman had given birth, he just wasn’t … interested. They had both been very into one another before they got married, in fact, that’s why they had gotten married so quickly, because she had gotten pregnant with Gabi and he wanted to do the right thing. He didn’t regret Gabi, not one bit, but he certainly wished he and Bethany had gotten to know each other first and were more careful before becoming an instant family.

He absently placed items in the cart while thinking over his relationship. Gabi was content to look at the lights, the colors and listen to passing people in her carrier. She really was a good baby. He just hoped he would be a good enough dad to her.

But did he really want to raise her with Bethany? He could tell she was pulling away. In fact, if he was being honest, he got the impression she lost interest shortly before she announced she was pregnant with Gabi.

God. What a clusterfuck. He should have listened to his father and not jumped into the whole  marriage thing. Raising a child as a single parent wasn’t ideal, but was it any better to raise a child in a loveless marriage?

Jax was in line checking out when Gabi started to get restless. She began to whimper and the cashier worked hard to keep her entertained while Jax hurriedly placed his items on the belt so they could leave. By the time he got back to the car, Gabi was in full crisis mode, screaming loudly enough it caught the attention of several people. A woman gave him a sympathetic nod, while a few young girls shook their head in disgust. Jax unloaded the groceries into his car, his ears ringing from her screaming, and hurriedly lifted her out of the carrier, her legs pumping angrily and tangling in the carrier straps.

“Good God, girl, you have a powerful set of lungs on you,” he grimaced while rocking her back and forth in an attempt to quiet her. He reached into the diaper bag and plucked out her pacifier. He slid it across her lips to get her attention and she desperately latched on to it while sucking furiously. “There now, better?” Her huge dark eyes glistened with unshed tears as she looked up at him.

He waited a few moments to make sure she had calmed down before putting her into her car seat. He strapped her in, parked the cart on to a nearby grassy curb and got behind the wheel.

Gabi started to whimper but continued to suck on her pacifier. He sighed with relief. He started the car and they began the long drive back home. He switched on the radio for some background noise hoping Gabi would take a nap on the way home.

He checked the time, nearly 7:00 PM. Another wave of irritation tickled his throat and he clamped it down. Dinner should have been done by now. He should have been giving Gabi a bath and putting her to bed, something he looked forward to each night. Instead, he was buying groceries and anticipating cooking dinner because he couldn’t count on his partner to do her share of the work.

He could feel the tips of his ears heating up and knew he was close to his boiling point. It would be one thing if this happened once in a while, we all lose track of time and he knew that taking care of a baby was a full-time job – she was a time suck. A cute time suck, but one none the less. But this was happening more and more frequently with little to no remorse and now he just felt like Bethany was taking advantage of him.

Again, he wondered why he was putting up with it. Did he feel guilty? After all, Bethany didn’t get pregnant on her own, he was just as much to blame for the situation but he felt like he was the only one that was making a true effort to try and make it work.

It was fully dark by the time he pulled into the driveway. The only light on in the house was the kitchen light though he could see a flickering, blue light coming from the second floor window on the left telling him that Bethany was still on her computer. Ever since her blog was showcased on the host’s webpage her views had gone way up and she felt compelled to produce more and more content to keep the momentum going. This lead to making an Instagram account and posting countless pictures of Gabi and then she started a YouTube channel to document her life as a new mom. He was glad she was working toward something that would potentially make them money but she was so consumed with making her online life perfect that she was neglecting her real life duties.

As soon as he turned off the engine, Gabi began to cry. He knew she was probably hungry again and it was past her bedtime so she was likely exhausted as well. He pulled her out of her seat and entered the house. He had assumed Bethany would hear him drive up and meet them at the door but she was no where to be seen.

“We’re home!” he yelled which only made Gabi cry harder. He recognized the cry. It was a warning cry and if we didn’t see to her needs in three minutes flat, she would begin screaming. “Bethany!” he yelled again and put Gabi in her playcrib. When Bethany still hadn’t made an appearance by the time he had settled Gabi and tried to give her another pacifier, which she promptly spit out when she realized it didn’t come with milk, he marched upstairs and barged into Bethany’s office. She had on headphones and was furiously typing in a chat room.

Seeing her so oblivious to the world, more specifically his and Gabi’s world, he briskly walked over to the wall and unplugged her computer.

“What the actual hell, Jax?” she yelled. She paused when she heard Gabi screaming. “What’s going on?”

“Get downstairs and feed your fucking daughter so I can unload the car,” he snarled. He turned on his heel and stomped out to the garage to grab the groceries. Gabi abruptly stopped screaming on his third trip into the house.

“Jesus, Jax, what is your problem?”

“My problem, Bethany? MY problem?” He slammed the fridge door after putting the milk away. “I work eight plus hours every day, even the weekends here lately with the election happening in a few weeks, only to come home to no dinner, no groceries and no help from you. It’s like you’ve checked out and would rather live in your virtual world than live your life. I’m sick of it!”

“It’s my job, Jax.”

“Oh, don’t give me that shit, Bethany. It’s your excuse to check out and pretend you’re anywhere else but here. Have you stopped to consider that I might hate my life as well? This sucks. This whole marriage sucks and you know it.”

“You’re the one that didn’t wear a condom,” she said quietly but not quietly enough that Jax didn’t hear her.

“It takes two to tangle, sweetheart,” he snapped back. He angrily grabbed food from the bags and began putting it away.

He watched Bethany breast feed Gabi while stroking her soft hair. “You’re right. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve met someone.” She paused, cleared her throat and said in a slighter stronger voice. “I want out.”

Jax froze on the spot, his hand lifted to put a box of spaghetti in the pantry. He could feel his blood pressure rising and he was breathing like he had just ran around the block. He closed his eyes briefly in an attempt to rein in his temper. He slammed the box down on the counter, breaking the box, dried noodles spilling out onto the floor.

“I knew it. I fucking knew it,” he said in a deceptively calm voice. “You know what?” He exited the kitchen and faced her. “I’m relieved, actually. Now you’ve given me permission to leave your sorry ass. This,” he gestured between the two of them, “hasn’t been working for a while now and I’m actually glad that you finally admitted it. Let’s get on with our lives.” He turned to go back to the kitchen.

“Where are you going?”

Continue reading “Jax’s Pre-Story” →

At the Moment

Pop-Up Bullet Journal

Karen

I’m off work today, (the clinic is closed – woohoo!) and you know what I’ve been doing?

Christmas shopping.

In fact, I’m done with the boys. Well, except for stocking stuffers. This may be the first year I finished Christmas shopping for them before December 1st. It feels really good to be DONE. Now, if I can wrap their gifts as they get here and be done with that part, I will really be cooking.

Kevin and I don’t buy gifts for each other. Our gifts to each other is vacations – going to Florida, cruising, if the CDC will ever deem them worthy of getting back to business.

Don’t get me started.

And that’s it. We really don’t buy anyone else Christmas gifts, unless we’re buying gag gifts for family parties and who knows if that happens this year.

Gads, can 2020 just be over with already?

Anyway, while shopping, I started watching Bullet Journal plan with me videos and I thought I would share this one. This creator does some really cute stuff and she has been posting pop-up bullet journal themes lately that have been so fun to watch. There is no way I will ever do anything like this, I’m not nearly talented enough nor have the patience to do anything like this, but I thought I would share it with any fellow bullet journal fans out there in case it inspires you to try something like this with your own journal.

Oh, and another creator I watch, Kay, with Planning with Kay, is having her annual Black Friday sale on her stickers, which are super cute, if you’re interested. I’ll likely buy some stickers for my journal as well.

I’m always on a mission to support small businesses and talented creators.

In the meantime, I’m typing my fingers to the bone trying to cross the NaNoWriMo finish line. I have about 9,000 words left to write in the next three days (Monday will be a wash because it’s back to work and a clinic day on top of that). My last reward to myself for participating in NaNoWriMo is earning the Winner shirt and I fully intend to make that happen.

For my fellow writers participating in NaNoWriMo – regardless of if you win or lose this challenge, be proud of whatever progress you made this month and I hope you learned something about your writing and your writing process.

That’s really what it’s all about, in my opinion.

I’ll post a few more short stories soon .. in the meantime, chin up! Twenty twenty-one is just around the corner and we’ll soon put 2020 in our rearview mirror. Thank God.

Politics

Censorship is Good, as Long as You’re Not Censoring Me

Karen

I wonder how different this conversation would be going if Twitter and Facebook were censoring Democrats and the far left. I’m betting they wouldn’t be calling for MORE censorship if that was the case.

Be careful what you wish for.

This is a hearing summary according to my interpretation. I’m not saying my interpretation is correct, or even accurate, but I will try my best to remain fair to both sides of the argument as I feel it’s important for people to start looking at all sides of an issue, not just their side.

I would highly recommend that you watch the entire hearing and LISTEN to both sides. What are their arguments? What are their proposals? What is the evidence to back up their claims? Are they speaking factually or emotionally? However, I get it. It’s dry and it’s four hours long. So I watched it so you didn’t have to.

All. Four. Hours. Of. It. (Not all at once – took me two days to get through it all).

You’re welcome. 🙂

But again, this is my interpretation and you can’t assume my interpretation, or opinion, is the same as yours. Again, I would encourage you to watch it and form your own opinion.

I think we as American citizens need to start training our brains to LISTEN to all sides of an issue so that we have all the information we need to form our own opinions. That way, we are making decisions, moving forward, based on facts and intentions, not emotion. Emotions are fleeting, facts are forever. It’s time to recognize and acknowledge that fact.

That is the goal of our podcast, as well.

Let’s get started:

Senator Graham – I appreciated his comments. He strove to be fair to Facebook and Twitter by explaining that their platforms have been good, overall. That they have served to bring people together and give them a platform to voice their opinions, thoughts, goals, etc. However, it appears they have gotten out of control, whether intentionally or not, and that they do not have the right to censor what groups of people can, and can not say. This applies to both sides, not just one side. They do not have the right to censor the left, they do not have the right to censor the right. And whether their intentions to do so is unclear. It might simply be they struggled to control something too massive to control. And this is where the hearing comes into play. It’s time to call a halt to the “fact checking” and “false claims” and silence groups of people that dare to disagree with the platforms goals, thoughts, agendas, or special interests groups that donate large sums of cash to the platforms. Senator Graham is hoping that this hearing will modify business practices so that decisions moving forward are transparent and fair to all points of view.

Senator Blumenthal – He opens his turn by cautioning the American people about the dangers of President Trump using social media by posting lies and incendiary rhetoric. I sort of agree with this. There have been time when President Trump has tweeted something and I actually cringe in response. Though I understand the message he’s trying to convey, the way he says it is off putting and awkward. And in a world where people do not bother to read between the lines but take everything at face value, it’s counterproductive. However, the reason he even posts on Twitter is because he can’t trust the MSM (Main stream media) to accurately report what he’s saying. They take snippets from what he’s saying and thread them together to make it sound like something completely different. They routinely cut him off and do not allow him to fully flesh out his thoughts before jumping in to “argue” with him and “fact check” him when that is not the duty of the press. They exist to provide a platform to the American people and to report on the news, not opine their biases. Sure. they can offer opinions and predictions, i.e. talking points, but to not allow the full message to get to the American people is disingenuous and dishonest. Senator Blumenthal acknowledges that, after getting his hatred for Trump out of the way, that Twitter and Facebook have become too big and something must be done with the power they find themselves wielding. He also points out that Google is absent from the hearing, “they were given a pass and rewarded for their timidity.” Ah, but then he goes on to say that what they are doing is not censorship but it’s their “moral and civic responsibility” to stop the flow of hate. No sir, I disagree. That is NOT Twitter and Facebook’s responsibility. That is the responsibility of the user to block or delete that rhetoric. It’s hateful and vile but the authors of that have just as much right to post it as I do posting this blog post. And that’s the fundamental difference between the left and the right.

Dorsey and Zuckerberg’s opening statements – Dorsey’s was decent. He expressed what I think was a genuine desire to do the right thing. He struck me as a man who is over his head and is floundering trying to figure out how to please everyone.

Zuckerberg, however, fairly admitted that they took actions to suppress “hateful” groups and praised their efforts and decisions. He even went so far as to say “this is what people expect from us.” He went on to tout their efforts to promote registering to vote and to provide information for people to learn more about various political races around the country. I would be interested in knowing how that information provided was divided – was there more democrat links than republican? I suppose it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but it’s something to consider. Then he basically tooted his own horn to say that he and his wife donated large sums of money to political candidates to “ensure they had the political platform needed for their campaign.” Again, great for you. But what does that have to do with Facebook’s platform? Nothing. It was said to imply “gee, look at me guys. I’m actually a good guy. I give back so don’t be too hard on me.” He goes on to agree that we should update Internet regulations such as privacy, content, data portability. But then he goes on to say, “who should be responsible for what people say online?” That is where he lost me. It’s not YOUR job, Zuckerberg, or your platforms job, to decide what may, or may not be said online. I get there are certain topics and situations that that might be warranted, calls to violence, child sexual exploitations and other heinous topics, but it is NOT the platforms job to decide on what normal Janes and Joes say or the opinions they express.

Blumenthal then asks both Dorsey and Zuckerberg to do MORE to “fact check” and “disallow” false information for the special election in Georgia that could decide on the majority party depending on results. In his opinion, they need to do MORE. Well of course he would say that because Facebook and Twitter were so successful at suppressing opposing views for the presidential election, he would want them to continue doing what they are doing to try and suppress information from Georgia voters. How disgusting that he’s openly calling for MORE dishonesty, but let’s face it, is anyone surprised by this? I guess I’m more disappointed than anything else.

Senator Cornyn – The Internet has outgrown section 230 and he’s relieved to hear Dorsey and Zuckerberg are willing to discuss ways to improve it. Some committee members have proposed a private right of action so that individuals have the ability to sue the companies for suppressing their opinions. Though I’m all for giving individuals rights to protect their speech and the companies need some accountability, I fear allowing individuals to sue would be counter productive. I could see people posting speech they do not necessarily agree to all in order to sue the companies and make some quick dough. I’m not saying it would be EASY to sue the companies over any little thing, but it would open an avenue for constant litigation. It’s hard to classify Twitter and Facebook’s business model as they don’t really fall into a clear-cut category. He feels they should allow more speech and not less as more speech leads to more conversations and information. I would agree with this. The more information you have, the better you can make an informed decision. It would soon become apparent who spouts nonsense and who spouts thoughtful opinions but again, it would be up to the user to weed out that information and make his/her own decision on something. It’s not the right of Twitter or Facebook to make that decision for us.

Senator Feinstein – She asks show soon after the tweet goes online does Twitter label, or “fact check” the tweet? I’m not sure why she is interested in the time frame of this. What difference does that make? The point is, they ARE being labeled and the fact that they are being labeled at all is the point of this hearing. However, to be completely fair to Dorsey and Twitter, I understand why they would feel compelled to label these tweets providing a link to more information. They want to give people an opportunity to learn more about the situation themselves as opposed to taking someone’s word for it. However, who decides where to send these people who are seeking more information? And are they being directed to impartial news or to a pre-determined news source that only serves to further a specific agenda? Feinstein is concerned that opposing viewpoints will “stir people up,” which in essence implies that she does not want people to be given information that will potentially make them think something other than what her party wants them to think. She wants to control what information is given so they are ensured to get the response of want. I find that highly objectionable because it implies that want people to only be given the information they want to provide. How insulting to thinking people of any party. Feinstein’s bottom line – she wants the tech companies to do MORE. I wonder if she would feel that way if the tech companies were favoring Republican comments and “fact checking” the Democrat comments. I’m betting no. A “Stop the Steal” movement cropped up on Facebook shortly after the media declared Joe Biden the winner. Feinstein is concerned that this movement provoked violence because some members of this movement showed up to rallies armed with guns. Senator Feinstein, gun protection is still legal in this country, no matter how much you wished it weren’t so they have a right to carry and bear arms (provided they have the correct documentation). Also, they likely showed up to these rallies not to provoke violence because have there been any examples of people rioting, looting or burning anything down since the media crowned themselves kings and queens and announced Biden the winner even though it’s not official yet, but to protect themselves against the BLM movement that has repeatedly been showcased to attack Trump providers. The fact that this movement exists to begin with, and that thousands of people agreed and joined this movement irks Senator Feinstein because again, they are not playing by the rules of THEIR game.

Senator Lee – He provides examples of “hateful” tweets that caused the account to be suspended to Dorsey to ask him exactly how it was hateful. Dorsey admitted the tweet in question was flagged in error and that the account should not have been suspended. However, to be fair to Dorsey, he’s not personally responsible for his program or algorithms. However, it does serve to showcase what is wrong with the algorithms and to correct their computations. Senator Lee points out that those these “mistakes” are eventually caught and he appreciates Dorsey and Zuckerberg acknowledging these mistakes, it’s a fact that 93% of Facebook staff donated to Democrat candidates and 99% of Twitter staff donated to Democrat candidates so it warrants a closer look at these “mistakes” since most of these “mistakes” happen primarily against Republican voters and ads that dare to implicate Democrats of any wrong doing. Seems like a pretty big “coincidence.” Senator Lee requested a list of people that have had their content removed or accounts that have been suspended sent to him for review. Of course, he’s trying to prove that the majority of accounts that have been compromised comprise mainly of right-leaning voters. I’d like to know what those lists look like, too. He also pointed out one of his own posts on Facebook getting flagged and he talks about how that may be construed as false information in Palo Alto, which is where Facebook headquarters is located, I presume, but it’s not false information to the rest of America. He is implying that Facebook operates within their own bubble of self interest and really has no interest in anything outside their bubble of self awareness. He states he’s finding it harder to believe that these “mistakes” and imperfect algorithms not not intentional.

Senator Leahy – As expected, he calls on Twitter and Facebook to do a better job of censoring “hateful” and misleading information. Again, I’m quite confident he would not have this opinion if the information that was being censored was mostly Democrat-related issues. He claims that President Trump is the leader in giving false information. I would like some examples of this, please. What exactly has he said that was patently false or misleading? Does he come across as egotistical and an ass sometimes? Yes, yes he does. But what information has he given to the American people that has been false? They, the left, has said, over and over again that he continues to do this and has done this throughout his presidency and yet, no one can give any specific examples. I think that is where we, as the people, need to start holding feet to the fire and demanding they start providing specific examples of these claims instead of blindly accepting their “truth” about this. He brings up the claims that Trump makes about the election being rigged and that there is election fraud. What do you think these hundreds of sworn affidavits that people have submitted and initial investigation into the Dominion software used in many states country-wide that have shown discrepancies is about?? The fact that we even HAVE these questions should be the bare minimum reason to investigate. I would have this same opinion if Biden made these claims. Because this goes way beyond this election, it sets a precedent for upcoming elections as well. We MUST investigate these claims if we hope to have any kind of fair election in the future. Because if these claims are true and we continue down the path we’re on now, the voter is deemed obsolete. Why vote when the flawed system will provide the candidate of the crooked party time and time again? So. Trump’s claims may be upsetting to many who don’t want him in the office four more years, but again, it’s not all about YOU. It’s about a fair election that the PEOPLE choose. He brings up calls to behead Dr. Fauci and the director for the FBI. Yes. That’s disturbing and that hateful rhetoric has no place on these platforms. And I will go on to say that allowing Madonna to post that she wants to blow up the White House and to allow Kathy Griffith to post a picture of herself holding up a bloody, severed head of President Trump should not be allowed either. Again, these rules need to be applied ACROSS THE SPECTRUM. Not just to one particular party. He brings up a good point – though these platforms are successful in taking down hateful content, the user just goes and makes new accounts. I don’t know what the platforms have any control over this and I’m sure that stuff happens all the time and becomes a full-time job for someone to monitor. But that kind of thing is the small price we pay to retain our freedoms of speech. He says that this hateful rhetoric results in “systematic genocides’.” Really. That’s a pretty hefty and serious claim. What are you examples, sir?

Senator Cruz – He calls senate Democrats out for wanting more. This is a dangerous road to travel if we want to maintain a free democracy and free speech. Twitter and Facebook “exercises massive power while also enjoys massive corporate welfare through effect of section 230 with special immunity.” He goes on to ask the owners if their corporation is a publisher. He grilled Dorsey asking him if his company is acting like a publisher if they are deleting and editing content. He goes on to use an example of an account that was locked. Dorsey said their account wasn’t suspended and once the “offending” tweet was deleted, they got their account back. “Once we have silenced you, you may allowed to resume to speak.” This is such a dangerous road to travel. He calls Dorsey to commit, in writing, a list of all of the Republican candidates and support teams how many times they have been blocked or labeled on the platform. After all, Dorsey claims to want to “embrace transparency” so now would be a good time to put his money where his mouth is. Dorsey speaks about committing to looking at the “broader” picture, in essence, he answers no. Zuckerberg says yes, he will see if he has that data. In other words, gentleman, proof is in the pudding. I appreciate Senator Cruz asking for hard proof that the platforms have been biased to Republican candidates and issues and if he actually gets this data, I think it will add credibility to the censorship claims. We’ll see how serious these companies are about “transparency.”

Senator Durbin –   He starts off his time by softly chastising the people who called the committee stating that their time would be better spent on COVID, the re-counts and other various topics – spending time on “alleged” censorship is a waste of time. Well of course he would think that, because they are not censoring HIM. He talks about Facebook taking down hate speech groups, such as white supremist. I agree. There is no place, on any platform for hate speech groups, period. However, I would also like to point out, this same rule applies to Antifa and BLM, both groups that have increasingly become more and more violent and tout hateful speech as well. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Again. Be fair to ALL groups, Senator Durbin.

Senator Sasse – He brought up a good point, he’s not sure why Republicans are so eager to re-write section 230 knowing that there is a good possibility that the incoming party will be the ones writing the new rules and that the other side seems almost giddy at the prospect of yet another government entity overseeing these public platforms. He states he’s not sure government should be involved in this process for privately owned companies. Even though these privately-owned companies are massive and have such a far-reaching audience. He also brought up the fact that since such large percentages of these companies’ employees are Democrat supporters, do the owners of these companies think their “fact checkers” can be an impartial judge and jury when deciding on whether the information in question should be allowed to remain. Zuckerberg responded with an acknowledgement of this potential bias and stated they could do better on making sure they are more diverse in their hiring practices, but Facebook employees are across the world and he feels that alone is enough diversity to offset any potential biases. Dorsey responded with, they don’t really have people that make these decisions but rather it’s the algorithms that do the job and they can do a better job of making sure the algorithms are more precise and accurate.

Continue reading “Censorship is Good, as Long as You’re Not Censoring Me” →

TueSLAY

TueSLAY – November 24th

Karen

Let’s catch up, shall we?

Hi. How is your NaNoWriMo project coming along? I’m at 36,404 words and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I think getting to 20,000 feels like a milestone but moving between 20,000 and 30,000 seems to take F.O.R.E.V.E.R. But now that I’m past 30,000, I’m motivated to keep going because I’m getting so close!

My project has been ALL over the place this go around. I’ve been a NaNo Rebel, writing whatever comes to my mind. And that’s not necessarily been my “official” NaNoWriMo project. I’ve called my project “Limitless”, meaning without boundaries, without limitations. But I haven’t written a word FOR my project. I’m using this NaNo to start a writing habit. I’ve gotten out of practice and I want to get back into it. And call me crazy, but the more I write, the more I think of things TO write. It really is true about your brain, perhaps even your creativity, being a muscle you need to work in order to cultivate it and make it stronger.

Though I don’t think I’ll blog every day, I definitely want to blog more often. Whether that’s fiction, my life, or about whatever has been weighing on my heart, like our current political climate, for example. I must be doing something right because the number of hits on my blog has gone up. I think most of that has to do with the fact that I think the Word Press site actually featured my blog one day, according to the hits, anyway. How cool but nerve wracking at the same time.

This is me, in all my flawed glory.

I do think I’ve discovered the secret to NaNoWriMo this go around, though. Are you ready?

Writing sprints.

I have been DIGGING the writing sprints. It’s the next best thing to a writing group, honestly. In fact, in some ways, it’s even better for me because we all know how I feel about real-life friends. Well, maybe you don’t know, let me explain. I’m a loner. I’m an introvert and I’m happiest when I’m by myself. This is not to say that I don’t enjoy Kevin’s company or when the boys come over, but for the most part, I’m perfectly fin with my own company. Time is so valuable and when I have time to myself, I really cherish it. But. Being my myself is not very motivating. Which is a big reason I watch YouTube videos, for inspiration and to enjoy human interaction (though you can’t technically call watching YouTube videos interacting) on MY terms. I can leave whenever I want and I don’t have to worry about hurting someone’s feelings.

So when I stumbled on to the writing sprints on YouTube, I’d died and gone to writing heaven. It was perfect for me. I felt like I was in a writing group without actually being in a writing group and we were all writing and working at the same time. I knew I wanted to do the Pomodoro Technique of writing and writing sprints incorporated that. I have really been digging the writing sprints. I mainly do writing sprints with the Word Nerds, though I have participated in some of Brooke’s as well. Though she’s sweet, she’s a little too cheery for my taste. (No offense, Brooke!) And today, I didn’t participate, though I will at some point, in Cam’s ten-hour writing sprint. Yes. He livestreamed writing sprints for ten straight hours. Now that’s dedication!

Anyway. If you haven’t tried writing sprints, I HIGHLY recommend them. I found them super helpful and I will absolutely continue participating in writing sprints all year long as I feel like that really helps my writing productivity.

This nurse I work closely with contracted COVID. In fact, her whole family got it. It started with her oldest daughter and then they all caught it. She’s been pretty sick, body aches, heaviness in her chest, difficulty catching her breath and now she has lost her sense of smell/taste. This has freaked out clinic out a bit. This is a little too close to home, thank you very much. So far, I have felt fin though I had a sore throat a few days last week I really think it’s been my sinuses. I feel pretty good today. But potentially being exposed made me decide NOT to participate in Kevin’s family Thanksgiving dinner. In fact, his youngest sister and her family decided not to participate some weeks back, the kids are too nervous to be around his folks, who are smack dab in the vulnerable age group for COVID. We were going to go, but not now. I don’t want to risk exposing them to COVID simply because I’ve been in close proximity to someone who has it. It has greatly upset my mother-in-law but unfortunately, these are the cards we’ve been dealt. I know it’s rough on our older generation as they would likely rather spend these twilight years with their family but God willing, we will be able to spend more holidays with them as opposed to celebrating this holiday and this maybe being the LAST holiday.

I think one of the reasons I remain healthy is because I’m naturally a recluse anyway. I’m not around a lot of people anyway, which is ideal for this nightmare we’re all living at the moment.

By the way, have you noticed toilet paper is hard to come by again? We were smart and stocked up over the summer months predicting this might happen and well, here we are again. Cases have spiked and we have 150 people in our hospital with COVID as of the date of this post. That’s the most it’s been since this whole thing started. I’m predicting one of the reasons cases spiked is because people were out celebrating Biden’s unofficial win and the MAGA march in DC. I also wonder how many of these cases are actually influenza as the number of cases this season have been suspiciously low. (They are most likely being counted as COVID cases. It’s so hard to know what’s true and what’s false nowadays).

I’ve only read two books this month so far. I know it’s largely because I’ve been spending all of my energies on writing but still, I miss having the time to read. I had to adjust my reading goals on Goodreads from 100 books to 90 books because I won’t make it to 100 now that I’m focusing on NaNoWriMo. But that’s okay because it’s been nice to flex my creativity this month – I feel like I set her free and she can breathe again.

(Yes, my creativity is a girl).

Blake turned 28 this month and Kevin is … older as well. (I’m not sure he would want me to mention his age). I can’t believe our first born is nearly 30!! This makes me feel so odd … because I know this makes me old but I don’t FEEL old. It’s such a bizarre feeling to look oneself in the mirror and SEE the sagging skin and the wrinkles and KNOW my age but don’t FEEL my age. It’s like I’m looking at an imposter, someone else has taken over my body and where did I go? I try not to think too much about my age and that time continues to march firmly on, but I can’t hide my head in the sand forever – I think that’s one of the biggest reasons I wanted to get back into writing again – I’d like to leave a little bit of me behind. Death is so final.

 We put our Christmas tree up. We, okay, I, broke down and bought a new tree this year. Kevin wasn’t exactly thrilled that I bought a new tree but I got a really good deal on a 7.5 tree at Target for $100 and I went for it. I’m pretty happy with it. It comes in three pieces and when it’s fluffed, it’s quite full. It took me a quarter of the time it usually does as our old tree I had to put on each individual branch and then fluff it as I went. I haven’t gotten around to decorating it but Kevin did put multi-colored lights on it. I’m sort of satisfied with it only having lights on it, though I think I’m mainly just being lazy not wanting to drag all of the decorations out. As fast as time flies, I’m tempted to be one of THOSE people and just leave the damn thing up all year long because let’s face it, it feels like it’s only a few months from the time you take it down to putting it back up again anyway as fast as time flies.

So my hairdresser, whom I’ve been going to for … three/four (ish) years? Is closing her doors. It’s a small salon, just the two girls, they are best friends and unfortunately, COVID did them in. They are closing their doors on December 19th and will be going into the medical field. They will be phlebotomists. Which seems like a strange field to choose after being hairdressers but they wanted to do something in a field that they didn’t have to worry about having jobs everyday. I can’t imagine how stressful it must have been for them not knowing if they were going to be able to keep their business alive every day. It was sad, and I nearly cried, because you could tell they were upset by it, but, one of the girls will be working for the hospital that I’m working at and I was telling them they should look into becoming Medical Assistants. They didn’t want to go to school for that and guess what, you don’t really need to. Lots of places, including the clinic I work at, will hire you if you don’t have any experience or any schooling, you learn on the job. So I told them that if they get to the point they are thinking of becoming medical assistants to let me know because we’re ALWAYS looking for MA’s. We have a high turn over, not because of the job, though it is crazy busy and can be stressful, but because a lot of medical assistant go on to nursing school so the position ends up being a stepping stone to bigger and better things. So who knows? I may end up working with one of them in the future. You just never know.