At the Moment, Work Stuff

Taking an Online Class

I’m taking a class.

I haven’t been in school since I graduated from college in 2003 with my Bachelor’s in Technical Writing – which I’ve done nothing with, by the way, because I discovered, early on, that the field of Technical Writing is incredibly dull and dry and I couldn’t envision myself doing it for eight hours a day for the rest of my life.

No offense to anyone who is in the Technical Writing field.

The reason I settled on a Technical Writing degree is because I really wanted to study writing and I knew that getting a Creative Writing degree, though cool, wouldn’t be lucrative unless I happened to get lucky and become another Brandon Sanderson, so I thought a Technical Writing degree would be the more “responsible” thing to do.

Creative writing is my minor, by the way.

Anyway, all of this to say, I haven’t taken a class since the early 2000’s.

So why now?

Because of COVID.

For those that don’t know, I work in the medical field. I’m a medical assistant and work in neurosurgery. I’ve been doing this for the past ten years (!!) and I have quite enjoyed it. I’ve learned a lot, I really enjoy what I do and the people I work with and I’m proud to say, I’ve mastered it – I’m quite good at what I do. And I fully intended to spend the rest of my working days doing this job.

But then COVID happened. As you can imagine, my life was turned upside down. I mean, I don’t have to tell you that, you lived it too. I’m sure your life was equally thrown off kilter – it affected everyone.

But it especially impacted those in the medical field.

I feel like my team is just NOW starting to get back to normal after all of the turmoil and I’m grateful for it. I don’t want to go back to those awkward days of tiptoeing around each other and walking on eggshells every time the subject was brought up. I mean, we still do that now, but it’s not as bad as it was in the beginning. And the primary reason it really even became an issue is because I was (am) the only one on my team who chose not to get vaccinated. I won’t rehash all of that nightmare, you’re free to read through my thoughts and experiences here, but suffice it to say, it completely changed my working outlook.

I no longer trust healthcare. Not the people I work with, and definitely not the doctors I work with, they are amazing and I have the utmost respect for them, but healthcare in general. Specifically, government decisions on what is “best” for the people. As soon as my bodily autonomy was taken away from me – I changed.

I would love to challenge and fight “the healthcare czars” but I’m one tiny ant on a massive anthill so what does that leave? Just me, myself and I. I need to protect my future and my body.

Kevin and I have talked long and hard about this and we both feel VERY STRONGLY about this – I will no longer be participating in any sort of annual vaccine. Because I work in a hospital, I’ve had to, in exchange to keep my job, participate in an annual flu vaccination. At first, I was like, “meh. I’m not exactly loving this but whatever, I’ll deal with it.” But then, after COVID and all of the secrecy, the “misinformation”, (which really amounted to people who had legitimate questions but were not “allowed” to ask them), the dishonesty and the crazy agendas that seem to be more and more nefarious the more you dig, I no longer trust the flu vaccinations.

I’ve been reading that the mRNA is an efficient and cost effective way to make vaccines and that future vaccinations will most likely be made with this technology.

The future of mRNA vaccine field is potential, and the clinical data and resources provided by the associated companies and other academic institutions are likely to significantly build on and strengthen basic research into mRNA-based vaccines. Source

As someone who doesn’t even like to take Tylenol unless absolutely necessary and who looks for any natural remedy for whatever ailment I’m suffering from, this is not good news to me.

So now what? The clock is ticking to the next annual flu vaccination in October and I can assure you, I won’t be participating this year, or any future years. Feel free to disagree – you do you, I’ll do me.

But if I don’t take the flu vaccination, and the hospital doesn’t accept my religious exemption, (they accepted my exemption for the COVID injection but not the flu injection), then I’ll be out of a job. I hope that is not the case, I would prefer to continue working my current job but remember, I’m but one tiny ant.

I need a backup plan.

Realistically, I have about nine working years left before I retire. If I have to quit this job, what am I going to do? Yes. The easiest and simplest thing would be for me to find a mindless job with zero stress and wait out my retirement date. But GAH – that sounds so boring. I would prefer to be challenged. Something that would keep me on my toes and would challenge my brain.

I did A LOT of research and thinking these past few months. I haunted Indeed.com job postings and when I saw it, I knew I had to try it. It’s something I’ve talked about trying for years and years and honestly, something I likely would have pursued if I hadn’t fallen into this medical assistant job.

Paralegal.

I’ve always talked about wanting to be a paralegal. I LOVE research and to me, it just sounds interesting and right up my alley. But I can’t waltz into an attorney’s office and apply for a paralegal job, I don’t have the knowledge, let alone the experience, to do that. And do I really want to spend a few years taking paralegal classes when I only have about nine working years left? Sure, eventually, the investment of going to school might pay off but for how long? Six, seven years? It might take me that long to pay off my student debt. (Because unlike progressives out there – I don’t take out debt and then expect someone else to pay it off – thank you very much).

But I didn’t give up. I kept on digging and I settled on plan B.

This is the logo I created for my documents

Legal secretary.

So, I applied for a legal secretary job on Indeed.com. I wasn’t expecting much, it was sort of an experiment, but when I had to take an assessment test as part of the application process and not only had ZERO clue what I was doing but no idea what the multiple answer options even were, I knew I was in way over my head.

That pushed me to dig a little more. I started researching educational programs to learn more about the duties of a legal secretary. I mean, 85% of my current job is administrative duties, I’m no stranger to office etiquette, phone skills and of course, I can write, how hard could this be, right?

But here’s where it gets dicey. There are A LOT of places out there to take legal secretary classes but my question was, how reputable were they? And I certainly didn’t want to spend thousands of dollars just so I would have a plan B for whatever happens in October.

I researched for weeks and finally stumbled across the Center for Legal Studies (CLS). This is not a sponsored post, I’m simply letting you know this is who I settled on. What really sold me about this program was that CLS partners up with sponsor schools in every state. They have two partnered schools in Missouri, both of which are reputable universities. So my certificate would be from a university and seem more plausible than some out-of-the way, obscure company that no one has heard of and who might not even be in existence next year.

Now. How was I going to sell this crazy idea to Kevin? Again, this is my backup plan B – I will likely not actively pursue this option unless the hospital doesn’t grant my religious exemption request in October, so it’s not a sure thing. Just a maybe thing. And though the class wasn’t as much as I anticipated, it’s not chump change, either.

Kevin and I talked and he was surprisingly on board with this idea. He’s been wanting me to quit the hospital for quite some time and ultimately, he persuaded me to enroll.

I’m currently taking the class now. In fact, I have homework and a quiz to complete before 7:00 PM tomorrow night and yet, here I am …

The class is entirely online and it’s seven weeks long. I’m currently in my fourth week. It’s not hard, and it doesn’t really even take that long, but I’m learning a lot. The legal world is a whole new world. You wouldn’t think there would be much involved when it comes to being a legal secretary but there is actually a lot to know.

Quizzes are open book, thank goodness. Their reasoning is because in the real world, you would have loads of resources at your fingertips to look things up and I appreciate their real-world approach.

I’m taking this class seriously, but I don’t have a do or die approach to it. It’s actually nice not to get too stressed about it because honestly, I just want to get a passing grade, I’m not looking to be the best in my class; I just want to know enough that I don’t make a fool of myself if (when) I have to start interviewing.

There are a surprising number of legal assistant/secretary job openings on Indeed.com so I’m not terribly worried about finding something if (when) I have to start looking. I’ve already been looking at dress clothes and trying to put an interview outfit together – just in case.

That is a major drawback to my plan B – clothing. I’m not going to lie, it’s been really nice to wear, in essence, pajamas to work for the past ten years. I’ll have to seriously step up my wardrobe game if I land a job in the legal field.

Here is my syllabus, in case you were curious:

Lesson One: Introduction to the American Legal System & Ethics
Lesson Two: Reception Duties, Correspondence, File Management & Filing Systems
Lesson Three: Calendar & Docketing, Fees, Billing & Accounting Practices
Lesson Four: Word Processing & Legal Document Preparation
Lesson Five: E-discovery, Computers in a Law Office
Lesson Six: Legal Secretary Practicum

Anyway. That’s my current distraction. I know I’ve been pretty quiet on my blog lately but I’ve had a lot on my mind. I’ll update you again after I complete the course and give you my final thoughts on the experience.

I feel LOADS better about potentially losing my job in the Fall now that I have a backup plan. I would rather keep my job – I get paid well and I’m comfortable – but if I have to find something else, at least I’ll be prepared.

Thanks for reading.

Work Stuff

The Final Countdown

As you can probably tell from the title, my religious exemption was

DENIED.

Am I surprised? No, not at all, but I am disappointed.

Come to find out, there were approximately 2000 submissions, (which to be honest, I feel like is high, but maybe that’s right) and only two, TWO, were accepted.

Okay fine, what’s my back up plan. I would agree to weekly testing. How long can that go on for, right?

WRONG.

The DICK-tator-in-chief announced he was going to mandate vaccinations for all employers who employed over 100 people, OR be tested. And if they didn’t comply, they would no longer get federal funding for Medicare and Medicaid.

I knew it was over after that announcement. I knew the hospital was done trying to “accommodate” the difficult ones. I suppose the hospital’s patience has worn thin. (To coin a Biden saying, that is).

Not gonna lie, I was really hoping the hospital was using religious exemptions as an olive branch toward the vaccine-hesitant. On one hand, they were saving face by taking a stand on vaccinations thereby appeasing the public, on the other hand, they were giving an out to the vaccine hesitant so they wouldn’t lose a small chunk of people. I knew it wouldn’t have been easy, but it was SOMETHING.

I think I’m more upset by the fact that I allowed myself to hope. To think it might actually work and I would be “allowed” to continue working at the hospital. I guess that shows how naïve I can be, I suppose. This is one of the biggest reasons I’m a realist when it comes to things like this – I would rather approach an issue with a realistic attitude than try and hope for a different outcome. That way, I limit my disappointment. But alas, I didn’t do that this time and I was once again, disappointed.

And that pissed me off. Because quite frankly folks, I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m tired of being tired. I don’t want to worry or feel anxious anymore. I just want to return to normal and when you don’t listen to media, or you’re not in a medical facility, the pandemic really doesn’t exist anymore. The number of cases are going down and thank God, the number of deaths has gone way down, In fact, the Delta variant was contagious but the deaths seemed to be less this second go around. And that’s a good thing!! I think people hear cases and think deaths anytime numbers are mentioned in the media.

In fact, a lot of people think the chances you’ll end up in the hospital after contracting COVID is FAR GREATER than it actually is. The New York Times conducted a survey and here is what they found. (Play the video from Bill Maher).

(Side note: see how Twitter puts a disclaimer on “see the latest COVID-19 information” on this tweet? Because the social media Nazis CAN NOT stand the thought of you actually getting any information other than what they spoon feed you so they have to do what they can to make people who dare to think outside the Matrix that what they’re reading is false and shouldn’t be trusted. I don’t trust anyone and asking questions is how you get to the truth. Suppress questions and debate and what are you left with? A false narrative).

I’m not a member of the New York Times website, (and never will be), but I found the results of this survey on the Washington Examiner’s website. Perception is EVERYTHING.

The point being, the COVID hysteria is real and it’s sad that so many people are living in fear from a disease that has 99% recovery rate for most people.

I’m more afraid of the vaccine than I am of the virus. I just am. Yep, I said it out loud. The data on COVID is simply not as severe as the media is desperate to portray it. The data on the vaccines, however, is far more alarming. Chances are, I would be fine if I were to temporarily lose my mind and get the vaccine. But the point is – NO ONE KNOWS. No one knows what might happen because the damn thing hasn’t been out long enough for experts TO KNOW. I’m just not willing to potentially sacrifice my heath for, “well, we’re pretty confident it works.” And then if something SHOULD happen, no one is liable for pushing it on me.

No thanks.

Look. I just want to live my life. I just want to go about my days and not have to struggle to breath behind a face diaper that is not effective and purely for show and to give people a false sense of security or walk on eggshells because “I’m one of THOSE people.” I want peace.  I’m tired of enduring sly looks and feeling like I’m being left out of conversations because people have unconsciously already written me off. It’s not fun. Like, at all. I know my co-workers are not doing this to be cruel, in fact, I would even say they don’t even realize they are doing it and hell, maybe it’s just my over-active imagination because I’m uber-sensitive about this stuff right now, but all I know is, I’m done. I’m tired. And I. JUST. WANT. PEACE.

So. That’s the biggest reason I turned in my resignation on the 15th.

I played my hand and I lost. The game is over. It’s time to move on.

Do I want to? HELL NO. I’m very bitter that I’m being forced to walk away from people I care about. I’m very bitter that I just spent the last ten years of my life perfecting an industry that I knew ZERO about going in to. I’m very bitter that I don’t get to enjoy the pay raise that the hospital dangled like a golden carrot to try and entice people to stay. I’m very bitter that the industry is tossing people, good people, to the curb after those same people worked their asses off to save the industry when elective surgeries were canceled and the hospital was beginning to wonder how they were going to keep the lights on last year.

Heroes then, vermin now.

It’s sick and twisted how this is working out and everything about this situation pisses me off, but the dice has been rolled and the house won. It’s time to collect my belongings and move on. There is nothing else I can do. Or at least, nothing else I’m willing to do to keep this job. I would like to think everyone has a line, some THING that they will absolutely not compromise on and unfortunately, this issue is my line.

And to further crap on this dung pile, the people I care about are going to be left to find work arounds and to suffer extra work load because of the staffing holes. How is that fair to them?? Now the hospital is going to overwork the people who stay taking a chance they don’t lose more people because of pure burn out. I know, eventually, staffing will work itself out but who knows how long that will take?

The whole situation makes me feel like that graphic at the top. AARGH.

My last day is September 29th. I have eight days to go. I have a full week with my team this week and then three days after that to get through. I’m not looking forward to this – AT ALL. I’ve already cried more these past few months than I have in my entire life and I HATE. TO. CRY. I’m not looking forward to working with my team because it will be sad and weird and it kills me that it has to end this way. I will try my best not to be a Debbie Downer but this sucks – balls.

I know Kevin has been worried about me. I have STRUGGLED these past months. Torn between what I should do and not knowing when it would happen. In some ways, I’m relieved that a decision has been made and I’m moving forward. Being stagnant and not knowing what is going to happen DRIVES ME CRAZY. I’m a doer. I don’t like to stand around and talk a situation to death, I want to know what the plan is and then go with it. The end result is not anywhere near what I wanted to happen but it’s out of my control and the decision has been made.

It’s time to move on.

I walked around on Friday and told people personally that I was leaving. I just felt like an email was so impersonal and I care about my work family so I felt like I owed them that. I also made it painfully clear that I do not want any sort of going away party or any big hoopla because this is not a celebration. My leaving is not a happy event, for anyone, and I have no interest in celebrating anything at this point in time.

Did I mention I’m BITTER?

I have spent some time today being quiet and licking my wounds. I’m processing the avalanche of emotions I’m feeling right now and I’m allowing myself to feel sorry for myself – for a bit. Once that is over and I snap out of my self-imposed fugue, then I will get serious about making a resume and applying for jobs.

I see quite a few editing jobs out there that are interesting and I may apply for those. Banking is also a possibility as I did that back in the days that people actually went to banks to do their business and I really enjoyed it. Who knows which lucky employer will be stuck with me for the next ten years. *snort*

Speaking of ten years, my ten-year anniversary with the hospital is tomorrow. Happy anniversary to me!

*sigh* It’s a good thing I wear water-proof mascara because I will be putting it to the test this week.

At the Moment, Work Stuff

Will They Accept My Religious Exemption Request?

Now, it’s a waiting game.

I submitted my religious exemption request last week but I’m not holding my breath. A couple of other girls submitted their exemptions about one week before I did and they have heard back ….

DENIED.

I’m not surprised but I am disappointed. I really thought the hospital would use this as an excuse, an olive branch really, to meet us “anti-vaxxers,” though we’re really not anti-vax, we’re anti-COVID vax, and they would meet us halfway.

I am really confused, from a business stand point, why they wouldn’t jump on this opportunity, this chance, to keep people. They have to know they are going to lose a lot of people, all over the hospital and that is going to ultimately overwork the ones left, burning them out and potentially losing more workers before it’s all said and done. Or maybe they are just thinking of ripping the band aid off, get rid of the “anti-science” people, (*eye roll*) and starting over from scratch. Yes, it will be hard for the hospital at first, but they will eventually get fully staffed again and these new people will be vaxxed and ready to go. They will get rid of the trouble makers, I suppose. People like me who dare to defy their authoritarian rule.

At any rate, I haven’t received the dreaded letter in the mail yet, but I’m sure it’s coming this week. I’m predicting it will arrive by Friday as that is what they did this last go around. A strategic move, quite honestly. That way, disgruntled employees can bitch and moan at home as opposed to spreading “gossip” and discontent at work.

We’ll see. Again, I’m not holding my breath. I’m honestly not looking for them to approve it. Especially after reading and researching more about religious exemptions to begin with. I found this bit from a website that is geared toward employers, a guideline, if you will, of how to handle religious exemption requests.

Here’s the bit that caught my eye:

Importantly, the policy should inform employees that the law requires an employer to reasonably accommodate an employee’s religious beliefs or practices, unless doing so would cause an undue burden on the operations of the employer’s business. For example, an employer does not have to accommodate an employee’s religious beliefs if the accommodation is costly, infringes on other employees’ job rights or benefits, compromises workplace safety, decreases workplace efficiency, or requires other employees to do more than their share of potentially hazardous or burdensome work.

Because the current COVID-19 vaccinations are approved through the emergency authorization only, (though now I wonder if that has changed since the Pfizer vaccine has been approved (*snort*) there may be questions regarding an employer’s ability to mandate the vaccine. However, based on recent federal guidance, particularly the EEOC’s guidance, and court decisions in some jurisdictions, employers are likely on firm legal ground in mandating the vaccine at this point. Operating an interactive accommodation request process is crucial in limiting potential litigation. In furtherance of this, employers should follow these abiding principles:

  • Presume a religious belief to be sincerely held, then be selective and cautious when requesting further verification and documentation. Avoid a fishing expedition to reduce the chances of claims of discrimination, harassment, or intimidation
  • Be cognizant that religious beliefs are not static and are susceptible to change over the course of a person’s life
  • Remember that the fact that an individual is not a frequent observer of his or her faith or had not previously made his or her faith public does not necessarily limit its sincerity
  • An accommodation does not have to be limited to what is requested by the employee. If the accommodation is legitimate and non-retaliatory, there is a wide range of potential accommodations at the employer’s disposal. Should the employee elect not to accept the accommodation offered, and all other alternative accommodations would cause an undue burden, the employer can part ways with the employee

Source

The part I think they are going to focus on is the “compromises workplace safety,” because let’s face it, unvaccinated people are dirty, unclean and unsavory people. (*eye roll*), at least, according to Biden and his administration’s narrative.

(By the way, Biden, from this point forward, shall be called DICK-tator-in-chief on this blog).

They are going to focus on this because unvaccinated people are jeopardizing the other co-workers by putting their health at risk. Which makes zero sense to me as the vaccinated people SHOULD be protected – isn’t that the whole point of being vaccinated? If a person is vaccinated, why would he/she worry about little ole me and my germs? Right? But I guess that’s not how it works because the “vaccine” isn’t all that effective as evidenced by the fact that vaccinated people have been getting the Delta variant and the CDC is already looking toward pushing boosters. In fact, I would argue that we have a Delta variant BECAUSE of the vaccinated. Or, it has spread so quickly because of the vaccinated. But who knows what’s true and what’s false – everyone is lying, or not telling the whole truth so it’s hard to know what’s REALLY going on right now. I’m just looking forward to the day we can look back on this time period and hopefully sort through this mess and learn from our mistakes.

Because, there HAVE been mistakes – it’s just that no one wants to admit to anything right now.

Seriously, WHEN does it end?? How many injectables are they going to force into people before this madness stops? Is this going to be a yearly thing? Like the flu shot? Only with the COVID shots, we won’t be given a choice??

So I was already not really hopeful about the hospital accepting my exemption request to begin with, but what little hope I had was smashed into shards of reality when the DICK-tator-in-chief made his little announcement about losing patience with us little people and declaring this was now a pandemic of the unvaccinated.

The president has exhausted his patience.

He had tried all the incentives and emotional exhortations and even red-white-and-blue appeals to the patriotism that beats in American hearts. Yet, at least in his estimation, not enough people listened: One-fourth of those eligible still have not rolled up their sleeves, bared their arms, and voluntarily taken their COVID shots.

“What more is there to wait for? What more do you need to see?” an exasperated Joe Biden asked the unvaccinated on Thursday. “We’ve made vaccinations free, safe, and convenient. The vaccine has FDA approval. Over 200 million Americans have gotten at least one shot.”

But Biden won’t wait for an answer to his questions. He and his administration are done with the coaxing. Now, the president has picked up the stick by announcing new vaccine mandates.

Employers with more than 100 workers will be required to ensure their workforce is fully vaccinated or else provide weekly testing for the virus under penalty of stiff fines. Any health care provider that receives federal Medicare or Medicaid dollars must do the same. Anyone boarding a flight must wear a mask or incur a doubled fine, courtesy of the TSA.

How did it come to this? Biden explained not only the need for the sweeping mandates but also said exactly who is to blame. “This is a pandemic of the unvaccinated,” he said, “and it’s caused by the fact that despite America having an unprecedented and successful vaccination program, despite the fact that for almost five months free vaccines have been available in 80,000 different locations, we still have nearly 80 million Americans who have failed to get the shot.”

He scolded the unvaccinated: “Our patience is wearing thin and your refusal has cost all of us.” He dared Republican governors to try and stop him: “If these governors won’t help us beat the pandemic, I’ll use my power as president to get them out of the way.”

And he changed a course he set long ago.

While president-elect, Biden was asked about mandatory vaccinations just weeks after the first successful vaccine trials were announced. “No, I don’t think it should be mandatory. I wouldn’t demand it be mandatory,” he said in December, adding, “But I would do everything in my power — just like I don’t think masks have to be made mandatory nationwide — I will do everything in my power as president of the United States to encourage people to do the right thing.”

Source

So yes, the man lies. Consistently. Not that I ever believed a word out of his, or any of his administration’s mouths, to being with, but this just proves he will say and do anything if it furthers his agenda and/or doesn’t get his way. Apparently, us “little people” who aren’t falling lock/stock with his plan are making him lose patience – now he must mandate the damn thing. Which, for me at my hospital, was already mandated, but now everyone else in the country is now worried and anxious about losing their jobs. Swell.

In some ways, this may HELP my religious exemption case. The DICK-tator-in-chief said that people have to get the vaccine or succumb to weekly COVID testing. I’m not thrilled about this idea, AT ALL, however, if EVERYONE is subjected to this requirement then it seems a bit silly for me to quit my job at the hospital, find another job, only to have to subject myself to weekly testing someplace else anyway. I might as well stay where I am, where I know the job and am comfortable with the job, and take advantage of the pay raise.

By the way, my manager pulled me into her office the other day to let me know how the hospital’s decision to raise the minimum wage to $15.25, (I think I mentioned it was $15.50 in another blog post, that is not correct), will personally affect my hourly wage. Not gonna lie, it will raise my hourly wage by $2.66 an hour. Which amounts to a healthy paycheck. That’s another reason I’m working hard to try and figure out some middle ground in order to keep this job. Again, if I am going to be subjected to the same requirements where ever I go, I might as well stay at the hospital and take advantage of the pay hike. Right?

Side note: I watched a video of a hospital worker that showed up to work after the vaccine deadline and tried to clock in as usual. She wasn’t able to. Then, a member of human resources, (or some person of authority), along with a security person, tried to get her to leave and she refused. She said she hadn’t quit and she never got her letter of termination. So … now what? The video was cut off when the security person realized she was filming and said, “I don’t give you permission to film me.” She wisely shut it down as that would have been grounds for a lawsuit, I’m sure.

Also – side note – check out my Twitter timeline in my sidebar. There is a video of an Australian man in a quarantine hotel filming his “neighbor” going berserk because he was due to go home and the authorities won’t allow him to go home even though his quarantine time was up. That is some scary stuff, ya’ll. The government is getting more and more emboldened because the citizens are going along with these insane “rules” and not doing anything to stop them. As a results, they are taking more and more rights away from the citizens. WHEN DOES IT STOP?!

So what’s next?

Man, I don’t know. Just when I think things are starting to level out, something happens and things are more confusing and chaotic than before. And now, I heard that the DICK-tator-in-chief is supposed to come out with more crap tomorrow. Who knows what that will look like.

Kevin wants me to find a job at a company that has less than 100 people then I won’t have to worry about being forced to get a vaccine or have to take a weekly COVID test. And why is that, by the way? Why 100? Why not 200? 150? Everything is so arbitrary and random. But I guess when you’re the DICK-tator in charge and no one has the balls to step up and stop you, you can pretty much do whatever you want. Right?

All I know is, I’m tired. I’m SO VERY TIRED of feeling pissed off and on edge all the time. I just want this nightmare to end. I’m still fighting, but I need the bell to ring – tell me to go to my corner. Give me a moment to catch my breath and regroup. I’m sure most people feel this way. Every time I have a tentative game plan, “Okay, if this happens, then I will do this. Or, if it doesn’t happen, then I’ll go with plan C”, something else comes along and blows that game plan out the window.

I’ve been HAUNTING Indeed.com jobs. I actually have four saved in my favorites that I might try and go for, at some point. I’m looking at editing jobs, banking jobs – heck, I even spent some time watching YouTube videos on how to start a Twitch stream last night. I don’t think it would be a gaming stream because I don’t play games and am no where good enough to think people would want to watch me and my clumsy efforts to play something, though I guess I could put a different spin on it and market it like, “Watch the world’s worst gamer!” But it would be something that I could do at home. Kevin was telling me that he knew someone who knew someone who made their Twitch stream their full-time job because he was pulling in $14,000 a month! CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE!?

Also, kudos to that person. He found something that worked for him.

I haven’t tossed the whole writing community idea away. I think it would be so much fun to build a writing community where we could get together, talk shop, exchange work, offer critiques, be Beta readers for each other, build a self-publishing network, etc., someplace like Patreon or Locals but I’ve been so distracted with the chaos that is my life right now, I haven’t taken the time to really focus on that. It’s not off the table, it’s still there and collecting dust in the corner somewhere.

But I’m ready to just about do anything to get out of this waking nightmare.

What’s my plan? Heck if I know. I’m taking it day-by-day but for right now, I’m waiting to hear back on my exemption and then once it’s denied, because I can’t allow myself to have any hope so that I can better handle my disappointment, I will talk to my manager about the possibility of being tested each week. And if that doesn’t work … who knows what my options will be at that time.

If there are any options.

If you’re out there in a similar situation, please know that you’re NOT alone though it may feel like it. There are 100 million people in the same boat right now, thanks to our DICK-tator-in-chief’s decree. All I can say at his point in time is pray, talk to your family and keep your career options open right now.

Talk to you soon,

Podcast

27: Teaching First Graders Sexual Gratification. Why Are We Allowing This Madness to Continue?

boots
 
There is a lot to cover today. It seems like the world continues to get more “woke” and crazy every day. I guess my biggest question is – we all know this stuff being forced down our throats is crazy, WHY are we allowing it to happen? Are we afraid to speak up? If you don’t speak up, does this mean you agree with these agendas? It’s something to ponder. Do you think the experimental injectable contains a microchip? Why are magnets sticking to COVID injection sites? Book review is science fiction this week: The Solar War by A.G. Riddle. Take a moment to remember our brave men/women who have served our country this weekend!

Mentioned in podcast:
 

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Podcast

26: It is the Beginning of the End of My Medical Career – What’s Next? Good Question

bathtub

Mentioned in podcast:
Book review of the week: “Winter’s Redemption” by Mary Stone

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Creamy by Limujii | https://soundcloud.com/limujii
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Here is our Podcast “Right From Us”

Sorry – my mic was turned up a bit high!

Life

Take a Breath

Something else about masks …

I promise I’ll shut up about masks …

maybe …

eventually …

We went to our neighboring city’s Wal-Mart last night, (we go grocery shopping every Friday night after we eat – it’s one of our “date” nights – I know, we are ANIMALS), and it was so nice to see nearly everyone without a mask. It seemed so normal! It was nice to see people’s faces again.

Then, today, I went to my local Wal-Mart to grab some chocolate, (don’t judge), some Wheat Thins, (I’m OBSESSED with them right now), and some darker foundation, (because it’s summer and I tan very easily), and nearly everyone was wearing a mask!

*cue sad, dramatic music*

SIGH

Kevin and I are having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that we live in a liberal city. In fact, let me prove it:

Do you see that one white spot?

Yeah, that’s where we live and it’s the ONLY county in the ENTIRE state of Missouri that has NOT entirely lifted restrictions. Really? Really?!? What the actual hell? We’ve been in denial for a long time and it’s time for a reality check – we are surrounded by liberals. And the frustrating part, (among many), is that we had an opportunity to vote these mo-fos out of office but did we?? Nope. Why? Because most people are not paying attention to what’s going on around them and didn’t even bother to vote!

AARGH!

*deep breath* Anyway, Kevin and I refuse to wear a mask and people can just bite my butt because WE ARE OVER THIS PANDEMIC CRAP. It’s over. Accept it!

However, it got me thinking as to why people still choose to wear a mask and I’m betting the reasons go way beyond COVID. And this article caught my eye:

A number of women have come forth asserting they would prefer to keep wearing masks, even after the general public has discarded them, with some of the women offering explanations such as a mask functions as an “invisibility cloak” or acts “almost like taking away the male gaze.”

I found this fascinating. It never really occurred to me that people would WANT to continue wearing masks for reasons outside of COVID. But it makes sense to me. Masks hide your identity, they, in essence, make you invisible to people. Some of the reasons given in this article:

“I don’t want to feel the pressure of smiling at people to make sure everyone knows I’m ‘friendly’ and ‘likable.’ It’s almost like taking away the male gaze. There’s freedom in taking that power back.”

I can definitely relate to this reason. There are days the last thing I want to do is smile at people, or put on my happy face. People are exhausting, especially when you work with the public. You have to pretend so much when you’re around people, the good and the bad, and it gets old having to pretend something you’re not all the time. It’s also a great way to disguise my expressions because sometimes, I listen to patients and it’s all I can do not to grimace or frown, or whatever, and wearing a mask helps to hide my true feelings. My face is very expressive, (so I’ve been told), and I have a MEAN resting bitch face, the mask is great for covering that up.

I’m not sure what this commenter is saying about the “man gaze.” Does she mean the look that men give you when they think you’re attractive? As a woman, I understand that look and I agree, I don’t necessarily like it, but I would rather endure that look than continue to wear a face diaper.

“Maybe it’s because I’m a New Yorker or maybe it’s because I always feel like I have to present my best self to the world, but it has been such a relief to feel anonymous. It’s like having a force field around me that says ‘don’t see me.’”

I don’t know what being a New Yorker has to do with this comment but I agree, masks were a way to make you anonymous to the world. You blended in and in a lot ways, it did make you feel a bit invisible. I can relate to this sentiment because when I’m out in public, on my own time, doing my thing, I want to be left alone. I’m on a mission, to get what I need, or do what I need to do, and leave. Blending in was a perfect way for me to remain under the radar and not draw attention to myself.

“I just stare at that little box with my face in it and pick apart my appearance. My double chin seems six times larger, my eye bags are too deep of a purple, etc … Even when there’s a heatwave and my apartment is close to 90 degrees, I’ll wear a turtleneck that I can pull up. I pack on thick makeup that makes my skin peel. I 10,000% plan on wearing it for the foreseeable future. After a full work day of worrying and not being able to focus on my actual job, it just feels nice to blend in. Simply put, I’m sick of being perceived.”

This comment just makes me sad. I feel bad that people are so self-conscious about how they look that they would prefer to wear a face diaper than allow people to see them. I’m sorry some people feel this way, however, that’s even more of a reason to get out there and live your life instead of hiding from it. Take control, do something about those insecurities, whether that’s make different lifestyle choices or seek therapy – no one should want to wear a mask simply to hide physical imperfections.

I’ll never forget the first time we were FORCED to wear a mask. It was a trip to Wal-Mart shortly after this pandemic started and they wouldn’t allow you to come in without one. I was so furious the entire trip that by the time we got back out to our car, my heart rate was 160! I felt faint and JUST PISSED OFF. To me, wearing a mask is dehumanizing and humiliating. It does something to your psyche, at least, it did to mine, and I furious that they were taking my right to choose away from me. To me, I was being forced to abide by someone else’s fears. It dented my fierce sense of independence and I was resentful as hell.

(Still am).

I, for one, FULLY EMBRACE the fact that we’re doing away with masks. If you want to continue wearing one, go ahead, but I will not be participating any more.

I choose to breathe freely. Always.

Podcast

25: Biden Issues Ultimatum Mask or Vax – Excuse Me, Sir, You are Not My Keeper

pexels-photo-601177
 
 

Mentioned in podcast:
 
 
Book review: Hate Notes by Vi Keeland and Penelope Ward
 

Intermission music:
 
The Sound Consumes by Punch Deck | https://soundcloud.com/punch-deck
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en_US

Take me on the go! You can hear my podcast on the following platforms:

Anchor.fm

Apple Podcast

Spotify

Overcast

Google Podcasts

Breaker

Pocket Casts

Radio Public

RSS Feed

I upload a new podcast every week. Thanks for listening!

*TALK” to you soon!

Here is our Podcast “Right From Us”