Thursday Thirteen

Thursday Thirteen: The Secret’s Out

Some of my favorite Post Secrets. I’m posting these because they resonate with me on some level. What’s your favorite secret?

1.
accused

So be careful who you accuse.

2.
adopting

Open your heart, it’s worth it.

3.
appreciate

You are beautiful, don’t change for anyone.

4.
behappy

And that will affect how you view your life – be careful – or get some new friends.

5.
believe-anything

Sometimes, the ones you love tell you things to protect you.

6.
bluetooth-singer

I sing and don’t wear a Blue tooth. I don’t care if people think I’m weird.

7.
blind

Physical beauty is superficial, most of the time.

8.
bookstore

Guilty.

9.
burping

It’s fun to break the rules, sometimes.

10.
cellmate

So choose wisely, my friends.

11.
compliments

When someone compliments me, I wish they wouldn’t.

12.
countryroad

Our cat moved to the country – and I’ve felt guilty about that for many, many years.

13.
dream-home

Get out of debt – it solves so many problems.

Visit the new Thursday 13 hub for more TT participants.

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Relationships

A Disclaimer

Sorry about this, but this post is pretty long (1,223 words long, actually). I apologize up front for your boredom. Let me offer you some coffee to help you stay awake … *grin*

I’m not sure how to start this post without sounding like a total dweeb, but I’d like to comment on some of the things that Dr.Laura talks about on her blog and her YouTube channel.

I know. There are quite a few people out there that loathe Dr. Laura. I get that. And yes, she can be quite obnoxious, in a condescending way. And I have noticed (because I have listened to her on and off for years now), that she seems to be a little less compassionate as time goes on. And sometimes, she doesn’t even allow the person she’s consulting to finish a sentence or even explain what the problem is – she has a bad habit of just assuming it’s one way when in fact, there are a lot of times, it’s not always that cut and dried.

But I also understand why she’s like that. I can understand her impatience with people because her experience has taught her that people have selective hearing, especially when it comes to admitting they are wrong, and they only select to hear what they want to hear, not what they need to hear. She seems hard and cynical and I suppose after listening to people’s problems for so many years, one would tend to be that way after a while, it’s probably like pounding your head against a wall, fruitless and painful. People, in general, don’t like to face their flaws. It’s human nature to always want to be right, to always point the finger at someone else. I’ve done it, and I will continue to do it because I am human after all.

BUT …

I’m also fair to myself and to those I love. If my behavior needs to be corrected, or corralled, then I will work on doing just that. Because if, in the end, I’m happier, and the people I love are happier, then it’s worth it to me.

I’ve always been fascinated with how relationships work. Exactly what attracts one human being to another? I understand the physical attraction is chemical, but what about the personalities? I’m more interested in how, and why, that works. I’m interested mainly because I love to write relationship stories and learning this stuff helps me write a tighter story. But I’m also interested for purely selfish reasons – to make my own relationship with my husband and boys even better.

I don’t do drama. I absolutely refuse to take part in any family drama, period. Everything boils down to a choice, right or wrong, people have to live with those choices. Make the wrong choice then either live with it, or don’t. I know it’s easy to say that, especially in situations where there are drugs or abuse involved, but ultimately, only one person can make you happy – you. I suppose the real question is, do we have the strength and courage to take that first step toward a better life.

I hate finger pointing. All situations, all problems, all fights require at least two people and the sooner those people involved accept the fact that he/she had something to do with the problem/situation to begin with, the sooner that problem/situation will be resolved. It’s not easy. It takes time. But life is simply too short to hold grudges and/or to live with bad choices. Make amends, make peace, move on.

I’m happy. I have a great marriage and I have two wonderfully boring sons who never give us a moment’s trouble *knock on wood*. But it wasn’t always this way. I’ve had to claw, fight, explode, cry my way to where I am today. I’ve had to swallow hundreds of humble pills and I’ve been forced to take some long, hard looks at myself in the process. And I’ve been pretty disgusted with what I’ve found. Truly. There was a time period I hated my guts.

I’ve done things … I can’t ever tell you about. They are pretty bad. They would shock and disappoint you, big things, nasty things and things I will have to shamefully acknowledge when it’s my turn in the judgment seat. Christ will not be happy with me. I’ve come to terms with that and I take full responsibility for my actions. I made mistakes, I’ve asked for forgiveness but I can’t shake the periodic self-loathing. I don’t dwell on it. What is done is done. I can’t undo the damage. I simply have to accept that as part of who I am and strive to be a better person.

I’m sharing this with you because I want you to know, I’m not perfect. My life is not perfect. I’ve made some whopper mistakes. But I’ve learned so much about myself and about human nature in the process that I feel compelled to share what I’ve learned with you because it might help you with your own life and relationships. I feel strongly about a lot of things that Dr. Laura talks about and if I may, I’d like to use her as a springboard to my own experiences.

I think, society as a whole, has been brainwashed. I think our preconceived notions on what to expect from relationships is actually hurting us. I think it’s time for people to take a good honest look at themselves and to start taking responsibilities for their actions. You’ve heard a million times before, you’ll hear it a million times on my blog, happiness truly does start with you.

I will be pouring my heart out. I will be sharing some experiences with you. I’m doing this, in part, to share my life with you; I’m doing this, in part, to chronicle my life for anyone who cares to read about it after I’m gone. I simply ask that if you disagree with me, or you get annoyed with my observations, that you’re respectful, succinct, and intelligent in your responses. This journal will be around long after I’m gone, I have no desire for my loved ones to read nasty, or ill-conceived comments that have nothing to do with the post and everything to do with trying to make me, or others, feel bad. Those comments will be deleted. Period.

I probably shouldn’t be doing this. I’m probably opening up a can of worms, but damn it, this is the stuff I’m passionate about and when I read so many more blog entries from people who are having problems, the same sort of problems I had as a young wife and mother, I want to shout from the rooftops and try and help them. I realize that we all have to make our own mistakes, but it sure helps to hear from people who have made the same mistakes. It’s comforting to know we are not alone in our pain/solitude/regrets.

Have I scared you yet? *grin* I’m sorry to drone on and on about this (still with me?), but I felt it was necessary to explain to you where I’m coming from on this. I don’t mean to sound preachy but I can’t apologize for the things that I feel passionate about: love and relationships.

Thanks for humoring me.

Updated: I found this WONDERFUL article about people’s misconceptions of Dr. Laura. In essence, critics (and I’m talking about the irrational, can barely get a civil sentence out before spewing fire from the mouths critics) like to use Dr. Laura as a excuse for their own bad, despicable, and poor choices. They like to use Dr. Laura as an excuse to continue living a life they know, in their hearts, is wrong but are either too stubborn or too weak to change. It’s worth a read.

General

Impossible Harmony

This is what happens when I try and coordinate with other people. *grin* In fact, the Beaker who catches his violin on fire? Yeah, that would be me.

I’m a team player, as long as everyone does what I want them to do. LOL

What about you? Are you team player? Or do you prefer to go solo?

Me? Solo, all the way.

I’m not painting a very flattering picture of myself, am I.

Tuesday Stuff

Pass the Bottle

heads-or-tails-large

Heads or Tails is hosted by Barb a.k.a. Skittles. Thanks Barb!

This week’s prompt: Heads – Bottle

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Thought-provoking title, no?

I don’t mean bottle as in an alcoholic bottle (I don’t drink), I mean a bottle as in a lotion bottle.

When I first saw the prompt for this week’s Heads or Tails I thought of two possible subject titles:

“Pass the Bottle” and “Bottled Up.”

Though I would have preferred to talk about being bottled up, about how it’s dangerous to keep resentments and frustrations bottled up inside of you so that it finally bubbles over and the person explodes over the silliest and most inconsequential thing even though what they are REALLY upset about has nothing, whatsoever, to do with their explosion, I didn’t think I could sufficiently talk about that without revealing private information and thereby making the person who has all of this pent-up energy inside of him detonate and spew icky black anger all over my walls and make a mess for me to clean up.

Wow, that was a long sentence.

So, I wrote about it in a password-protected post and now, I feel loads better. Writing private posts really is therapeutic – bloggers, you should try it sometime.

Since “Bottled Up” was not an option, I thought I would go with plan B and write “Pass the Bottle” because it’s the safest option and suitable to publish on the Internet. Okay, maybe not suitable, but definitely safer.

I’m an Amazon woman. I’m 5’10 inches tall and I’m a size 10, on a good, non-bloating day. I have broad shoulders. I have thick arms. I have pudgy hands and I have perfect birthing hips.

I am not, even in your wildest dreams, small, petite, cute, little, pixie-like, adorable or feminine.

These are simply not words that would come to your mind if you were to meet me in real life. I am a giant. I loom. I intimidate. I am someone to look up to – not figuratively, but quite literally. I am she-woman, hear me roar.

I’ve accepted this. And most of the time, it doesn’t bother me. In fact, most of the time, I’m not even aware of how Amazon-ish I am until I see pictures of myself with my husband’s family who are all thin, shorter and more beautiful than I am.

And my mother-in-law wonders why I ABHOR family pictures with me in them. Because those pictures are an ugly, painful reminder than I’m simply not all that feminine – at least, MY definition of feminine. And though I don’t usually have a problem with self-esteem, the amount I do have dissipates into thin air whenever I see those pictures. Those family pictures are like those “I Spy” pictures – “Boys and girls, can you spot the Amazon woman? Wow! That was fast!”

Though I respect myself and my husband enough to keep myself clean, (semi) toned and thinned down, I don’t spend a lot of time on my appearance.

Sure, I put makeup on, I comb my hair and brush my teeth but those are the extent of my beauty routine. I do just enough to conform to society’s expectations.

I do not wear lipstick. I do not put a lot of thought into my clothes (unless I’m having lunch with my husband and I do that because 1. I don’t want to embarrass him in front of his co-workers 2. Because my husband deserves to see me looking my best, 3. because I deserve to see me looking my best, 4. because it makes me feel, and dare I say it, act better when I look polished and professional).

I do not wear nail polish. I do not wear jewelry, not even my wedding ring most of the time (which irks the husband and something I’m working on).

I’m not interested in fashion. I am not interested in shopping, of any kind. I could care less about purses. Or shoes (most of the time).

I don’t simper. I don’t bat my eyelashes. I don’t act girly (unless I see a big, ugly bug/spider and then all bets are off), and I don’t play head games. I have no patience for gossip. I have no interest in wasting time or energy on what someone thinks of me (for the most part).

In short, I’m an Amazon – both physically and emotionally.

But there is one (or two, possibly three) indulges that I do allow myself – lotion.

I love shopping for lotions. I love looking at the pretty bottles. I love popping the tabs and taking deep, appreciative sniffs of Rainkissed Leaves, Sensual Amber, Japanese Cherry Blossom, Coconut Lime and Black Amethyst.

I love squeezing thick, fat lines of lotion onto my freshly shaved legs and then spreading it over my skin. I love how the lotion turns the texture my otherwise tough skin into something soft, supple, and feminine.

I love how people comment about how good I smell whenever I go out. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel special. It makes me feel like a woman.

Lotions are one of the few indulgences I allow myself. I think mainly because it’s not obvious – no one knows my feminine weakness save for me and my husband.

And well, now you. 🙂

Perhaps this Amazon woman is not quite so Amazon-ish after all.

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Monday Stuff

Weekend Top 5: The One Where I Complain About Taxes

weekendtopfive

Weekend Top 5 is hosted by Kristi at The Wheelz are Rolling

number The husband drove me absolutely bonkers this weekend. Picture this: I’m standing, stock still, in a room. I’m not moving a muscle. The husband, on the other hand, is a blur, zipping from room to room, never stopping to take a breath, never stopping to take a break. He’s in constant motion.

He was like that the entire day yesterday. I think the man was on speed. Or he drank too much caffeine or … something. No human being should have that much energy, it’s sick.

I think it bothered me mainly because I felt guilty. He was getting so much done! He vacuumed, he shined up our dining room table that had been sticky and grungy for months (we used this stuff – GOOD stuff. It looks brand new again). And quite honestly? I don’t even know what else he got done because I was too busy being annoyed with him to pay too much attention.

Where does that man get all of his energy? I think I might have one thimbleful of his energy. Which annoys me and it annoys him because he wants to go-go-go and I want to sleep-sleep-sleep.

number4 However, I forced myself to just sort of step back and allow the man to leave tire tracks on me because he spent FIVE HOURS on our taxes.

Five. As in one more than four. Apparently, our taxes are more complicated this year than in previous years because my husband’s company set up stock options for him and that required about 50 more forms than we’re normally used to.

Thank God he’s an accountant because there would be no way I could even attempt to do our taxes.

But he’s done and I’d like to run some totals by you because taxes are one of my biggest pet peeves and I don’t think people truly think about how much the government is taking from us.

I’ve been forbidden to give you actual numbers, but consider this – the government took enough from us this past year to pay for two cars.

Really nice cars.

And in the end? We’re getting six percent of that back. Six. That means, the government demanded a big chunk of our money, squandered it and then had the decency to feel a bit bad about it and gave us our six percent back. That’s why I get so angry when people say, “But I’ll get that back in April!”

Uh no. People get a small sliver of what they pay out back in April. Heck, some people don’t even get that. AARGH! Message to government: manage our money more wisely and stop bleeding us dry!

Okay, rant over.

Here are some facts that I thought were interesting:

We spent a little under half of what we made last year. Not bad! I think that’s mainly because we do not have any debt save for my car. Everything else (including the house), is paid off.

Since my husband is an accountant, he keeps track of this sort of thing …

I spent $317.00 dollars on hair last year (me and the boys – the husband uses a Flowbee on his hair. I know, dorky right? But wow, it does a good job on his hair).

I spent $1,274.00 dollars at Amazon.com last year – I really thought that would be higher as it seems like I’m always ordering stuff from them.

I spent $118.00 dollars on scented lotions.

I spent $138.00 to tan.

We spent $1,296.00 dollars to enable MK to play his saxophone.

I spent $743.00 at Starbucks. (Which will stop because I’m about 92% sure there is something in Starbucks coffee that is giving me digestive problems).

And a whopping $11,711.00 dollars at Wal-Mart. Wow.

And the list goes on and on (like five pages on). It’s really interesting to see where all your money goes. I wonder if people kept better track of where their money was going if the government would even be successful in raising taxes to begin with. They would certainly be forced to manage existing money more carefully, that’s for sure.

number3 Now that we’ve crunched some numbers and have an accurate idea of our financial situation, we have decided that we’re going to go ahead and plan for a Disney vacation this summer.

The boys are not excited. In fact, when I enthusiastically mentioned that we were going on a Disney World vacation this summer (!), they actually grimaced.

It’s because they still associate Mickey Mouse with little kids. They honestly have no idea just how COOL Disney World is. I mean, given our interests in technology and science alone, we could spend our entire vacation at Epcot center and be very happy.

But they’ll come around. In the meantime, I bought a guide and I’ve been haunting the American Airline website looking for travel packages. The husband is not excited about spending the money (of course), but I’m being insistent. Not because I’m crazy about spending the money (hello?! I’m Queen Cheap, remember?) but because we only have a few good years left with our boys before they move on with their lives. GD will graduate in two years!! Then he’ll either go to college and/or get a job. He won’t have the freedom (or even the desire) to spend his vacation with us.

So, tough. We’re going to make the most of these next few years and create some pretty awesome family memories – while we can. We can sit home and be cheap when we’re old.

number2 GD wanted to buy Halo 2 for his computer. So, we went to Game Stop to see if they had it.

Have I mentioned that GD would like to get a job at Game Stop? And this particular Game Stop is pretty close to our house so technically, he could ride his bike there, no problem. (Because he’s not ready to drive yet).

GD is pretty laid back. And he doesn’t really show a lot of emotion. But I have to say, that boy CAME ALIVE in that place. His eyes sparkled and he just looked so … animated – it was really quite cool.

He wants to work there. He’s a die-hard gamer and the thought of being surrounded by all those games, by all the new gaming news and being on the cutting edge of everything just made his mouth water. I’m really going to try and (gently) push him into getting a job there. I think that would be such a good place for him to interact with the world – on his terms.

But since he’s not ready to get his driver’s license yet and he still needs an ID in order to apply for a job (which is his plan for the summer), then I plan on taking him up to the DMV on spring break and helping him get an ID.

That should be an experience.

number1 We’re finally trading our old house heater in for a newer model. It all started with smelling gas.

Well, GD and the husband smelled gas – I have never smelled it but that doesn’t surprise me – my sniffer sucks.

It was weird because they didn’t smell gas all the time, just sometimes and only in certain areas of the house – and those areas would be different each time. So, I’m thinking they smelled something that smelled like gas but wasn’t actually gas.

But this freaked the husband out and now he’s on a mission to make sure we don’t have a gas leak. He bought some sort of gas-detecting instrument and spent some time walking around the house to see if he could detect any gas – I’m relieved to say he didn’t detect any.

But the episode got us to thinking. This house is over 30 years old. And that heater is the original heater that came with the house when it was built. It’s probably about time to replace it. Not only that, but heaters nowadays are so much more energy efficient than ours that it’ll save us money in the long run.

The guy came out and gave us an estimate of what it would cost – which was lower than what the husband was predicting so it’s a done deal. The guy will come out in a few weeks and do the deed. He told us that our current heater is only running about 40% efficient at this time and our new one will run at 90% efficient.

It’ll be interesting to see what difference that makes in how that heats our home and how that effects our pocket book.

We’re slowly, but steadily, making the move to be more “green.”

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