January 4, 2019 – Write From Karen

I work with a lot of alpha females. In fact, other than our doctors/PA’s, we have ONE guy that works in our whole clinic.

The females that I work with are smart, fierce and work hard to get the job done and to do it to the best of their ability. We have to all have strong personalities in order to handle our very strong, very smart neurosurgeons. (Who have NO patience for stupidity, to be honest). I don’t mind it, in fact, I sort of enjoy it.

However …

Since we all have very strong personalities, we also have to learn to accommodate and adjust to those personalities.

I have definitely chilled out over the years. I wish I was this “calm” and “zen” when the boys were little – I put impossible expectations on them for which I regret today.

But I have a ways to go. My mantra for this new year, “PICK MY BATTLES.”

I have a tendency to be high strung anyway, especially when I’m at work. I want everything to go smoothly so I’m both nowhere and everywhere at once. I’m hyper-aware of my surroundings and who is where at all times. this helps me to plan the clinic day, keep the flow going, and it works, but it’s also exhausting.

By the end of the day, all of my mental energy has been sapped and I just want to sit, absorb the quiet, not talk and stare at the wall.

I go into zombie mode.

And that works for me.

However …

There is drama at work. How can there NOT be when we have so many women with strong personalities. There are days that we don’t get along, or we perceive a slight when in fact, it’s really not that big of a deal. People snap and are snarky and bitch and moan about situations that in the big scheme of things, are simply not that big of a deal.

At least, in retrospect.

This is apparent whenever we are all in “bitch” mode, blowing off steam and our male doctor simply shrugs and puts things into perspective. Suddenly, is it REALLY that big of a deal?

A little testosterone goes a long way.

I have to work hard to shove my ego into the corner at times. Do I get worked up along with everyone else? Of course, but I also try and look at all sides because it’s not all about me. Is it easy? Oh hell no.

It’s not about being the loudest, but the smartest when it comes to conflict.

If I’m going to get involved in a problem, I want to make sure I’m heard and taken seriously.

I can take this stance because I’m older. The majority of people I work are much younger so I feel like I have an advantage from that standpoint. Sometimes I’m the voice of reason, sometimes I’m the irrational one I need someone to bring me back to earth.

I could care less what someone says about me or if they like me. I truly don’t care. Take it or leave it. Sure, it’s more fun to have fun but ultimately, we’re there to do a job, do it and we’ll get along just fine.

But I do get worked up over injustices. People taking advantage of others. People making excuses for piss-poor work performances because they’re too lazy to learn and do it right. People being holed away from the watchful eyes of management to spend their time on their phones the entire day and making their team partner do all the work.

I’m a hot head and I tend to mouth off when I’m really annoyed or worked up. But I’m going to work on doing a better of job curbing that response and looking at all sides of the issue before flying off the handle.

It’s a more mature approach
My blood pressure will thank me

So. My 2019 mantra?

PICK. MY. BATTLES.

I’m attempting to force myself to write in my blog every day. I’ve gotten SO BAD at keeping up these past several years and someday I’ll be dead and then what?

I’ll be gone but hopefully not forgotten. (Feel free to use these prompts for your own writing).

Today’s prompt(s):

Sleep: What things help you sleep at night? Or, are you a night owl? Do you get enough sleep or wish you could sleep more?

Out of curiosity, I searched “sleep” on YouTube and to my surprise, there were three different “live” videos playing relaxing music and videos of peaceful, beautiful landscapes to help you relax enough to fall asleep, I guess.

Random to tell you that, but interesting – a lot of people have trouble with sleep.

I wonder why, truly. Is it because people’s stress levels are too high? Unresolved life issues? Health problems? Busy brains that can’t shut off? All of the above?

I love to sleep and getting to sleep is not my problem, staying asleep is.

I’m a fish when I sleep. I flop around and change positions multiple times every night. It’s so disruptive, in fact, that Kevin and I don’t sleep together. We can’t. We just don’t sleep that well together. I flop around and snore, he sleeps with a Cpap (a sleep apnea machine because he actually stops breathing at times and the machine kicks in and makes him breathe again) and he sounds like Darth Vader.

Sexy.

But it works for us. We actually sleep. And Kevin, who has never been a good sleeper, is finally able to sleep.

The thing that helps me sleep at night – mindless activities. Whether that’s watching YouTube videos (though it’s not recommended that you stare at electronics before sleep), playing the Sims, (because I LOVE me some Sims), or reading, it works. I still my mind and my body follows shortly thereafter. I fall asleep fast, but since I’m so restless and have to get up and pee three times a night, I’m up, a lot. But again, I can fall back to sleep rather quickly, so that helps.

I wear a Garmin, which keeps track of my sleep patterns, (whether it’s accurate or not is still debatable) and if I can get four hours of deep sleep, it’s a good night for me. I think my record of deep sleep was six hours and that was largely because I took a Benedryl before bed.

I used to be a night owl, but now I guess you would call me a reluctant early bird. I trained myself to get up early shortly after marrying Kevin, who gets up at the ass crack of dawn every morning (though he’s not as bad as he used to be). Then we had children, so I had to get up with them. And now I’m up with the roosters every morning to get ready for work so I’m lucky if I stay up past 9:00 PM most nights.

I don’t necessarily wish I got MORE sleep, I just wish I got BETTER sleep. More deep sleep. I’m a very light sleeper so anything and everything wakes me up. I sleep with a fan on every night, even in the dead of winter, just for the consistent noise. Because anything other than absolute quiet will wake me up.

It’s so annoying.

I’m annoying.