Lauren scowled and looked over at her sleeping daughter. She had been so distracted with her own mounting problems she hadn’t thought to look at her caller ID. She mentally kicked herself for her carelessness. She really needed to get a new cell phone number.
“Hello? Hello??” the voice snapped, rising with each shrill syllable.
“I’m here. What do you want?”
“What the hell sort of greeting is that?”
Lauren sucked in her breath and willed herself to think about their final destination – beautiful palm trees, the sounds of the surf gently lapping white sandy beaches … she checked her rear-view mirror before glancing at her daughter again. She deserved a good life, didn’t she?
She continued to stare straight ahead and cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder, her knuckles whitening on the steering wheel. She refused to get sucked into yet another drama fest, so, she remained silent. Experience had taught her that sometimes not saying anything at all was a more powerful weapon.
“Where do you think you’re going?” the voice demanded.
“Away.”
“You always were a smart ass,” the words dripped with sarcasm followed closely by a bitter chuckle.
Again, Lauren answered with silence. She veered off onto her exit and was merging with the traffic on the bridge before the voice spoke again.
“You won’t survive without us.”
Lauren opened her window and threw her cell phone over the bridge.
Today… was busy. Jazz started summer school today; he’s taking TWO classes. The first one (PE) starts at 11:30 and runs until 2:30. The second one (Band) starts at 5:00 and runs until 9:00 p.m. So, I’m tired, but not NEARLY as tired as Jazz is going to be when he gets home tonight.
And just think, we have FOUR more weeks of this. *sigh*
Outside my window: The day started out overcast and a bit scary looking. We had a pretty good-sized blob hit us and though it didn’t really storm, we heard thunder in the distance thereby causing the worst of it to miss us, apparently.
The blob is moving past us now and the temps are rising, along with the humidity. I love living in Missouri, but I could definitely do without the humidity.
I am reading: … nothing at the moment. So much has happened this past eight weeks that I haven’t had the time, or the energy, TO read anything.
However, I started to read, and intend to get back to reading, “F is for Fugitive” by Sue Grafton. The alphabet murders are a bit simplistic, but that’s not why I read them, I like the main character, Kinsey Millhone. Though to be honest, she’s almost a bit too masculine for my taste.
Right now, I’m thinking about: … Kevin, of course. My husband hasn’t been out of my mind for very long periods of time since his accident on April 16th. He was in a lot of pain yesterday, so much so, in fact, that he had to go back to bed and take a nap. When he succumbs to bed and a nap, then I know it’s bad.
He’s been overdoing it. He’s been in his chair all day, every day, this past week and I think it’s caught up with him. But what can I do? I nag. I complain. I bribe. I get angry, but the man is stubborn. He thinks his body should already be back to normal and the fact that it’s not really annoys him.
I wonder: … if I’ll ever get back to writing. I want to, I sit down to start, but then my brain sort of shuts itself off and my creativity goes out the window. I have ideas, but ideas don’t write a story.
I’m going to try my darnedest to set myself a schedule and stick to it. I’ve been distracted and I wish I could say it’s been solely because of Kevin, or because the boys are home, but I’ll be honest – it’s because I’ve been haunting Twitter again.
I have got to seriously cut the Twitter umbilical cord – again. It’s almost sick how addicted I get when I jump on there.
Anyway, my goal is to sit down and pound out a 250-word Flash Fiction piece for tomorrow. I mean, it’s 250 words, SURELY I can write that much.
Right?
Right??
In the kitchen:
* Monday: Fried Chicken
* Tuesday: Breakfast
* Wednesday: Chicken/Pepperoni Spaghetti
* Thursday: Pot Roast
* Friday: Go git (I take Friday and Saturday off from cooking. Kevin cooks on Sunday, with help 🙂 ).
I’m cooking fried chicken right now and I have to tell you, it feels weird to cook again. I didn’t have to cook for four weeks and then two weeks after Kevin came home, we had family constantly bringing us food. Though I would have loved to continue that trend, we started feeling guilty and put a stop to it.
Which means, it’s up to me.
To feed my family.
Which means I have to cook.
Have I mentioned I LOATHE cooking??
I’m sure I’ve mentioned it a time or two (or a hundred).
I am really excited about: … going to the doctor tomorrow. Not for ME, oh good Lord no, but for Kevin. Finally, finally, we get to go see his orthopedic doctor tomorrow. They plan on taking more x-rays so they can see if his fractures are healing, or God willing, ARE healed. We’re hoping the doctor will tell us that he won’t have to wear his braces anymore.
This whole doctor thing is a bit squirrely. Since they actually worked on him in Columbia, this doctor down here in Springfield was sort of pushed onto his case. So I wonder if he truly knows what’s going on. Plus, since they couldn’t work on him here and had to send us to Columbia, I wonder just how good the orthopedic doctors are here in Springfield.
I hate to say that, but I do wonder. In fact, tomorrow will be the first time I’ll get a chance to meet his orthopedic doctor. Every time he came to visit Kevin at the hospital, I wasn’t there. We’ve been warned that he doesn’t offer very much information other than what is absolutely necessary, so we have about 17 questions (no really, we wrote them down!) to go over with him. It’ll be interesting to see how he handles our questions.
One last thing I want to tell you about before I go:
Have you seen this Nike commercial?
I love stuff like this! Soooo inspiring. I love how it depicts how someone can be on top of the world one minute and then not the next minute. The world is fickle, isn’t it? All the more reason to just be yourself.
Or just do it.
Either way, it works for me. 🙂
Let me tell you the story behind that picture up there:
I had gotten Burger King for my guys one night and I don’t know, Dude stuck the bag on his head, which caused Kevin to stick the bag on his head and then Jazz had to get in on the act.
Sometimes, being surrounded by testosterone is difficult. (But entertaining).
Every Sunday I provide videos and valuable links to the Truth or Tradition teachings. We’ve been following the Truth or Tradition teachings for many years now and they have truly blessed our family. We have found peace and happiness through our beliefs and we walk confidently for God. My hope, by passing on this information to you, is that what you find here, or on the Truth or Tradition website, will guide you to a better, more blessed and abundant life.
If you would like to read my views on religion and how we got started with the ministry, you can read this.
I remember when I first became a Christian. I was a sophomore in high school, and my uncle fed me book after book by many Christian authors. I learned a lot about the Bible, but it was based on what those people told me it said. Rather than reading it critically for myself, I stood on the shoulders of others. Well, when I got involved with this ministry, I was amazed and impressed by how they helped me learn how to study the Bible for myself. I felt very empowered and confident in my ability to use the research tools that were given to me.
A few years later, one of my best friends was killed while serving in the Army in Afghanistan. The loss of my dear friend Brett was tragic and very painful. As I processed through this tough time, I was reminded of how much of a blessing he was to be around and how he lived his life for Christ. I joined many of Brett’s friends the night after his death to cry, tell stories, laugh, and remember our dear friend. There was story after story about how people just felt loved by Brett and that he was always joyful.
Two years later, I still remember Brett as an amazing example of a man who lived a life of love. His legacy convicts me to be more loving, more giving, and more focused on others rather than myself. I’ve been going back to the basics lately in my personal study time in the Word, and what could be more basic than loving God and loving others?
You may be familiar with the following verses, which are about as basic as we can get in understanding true Christianity:
Matthew 22:37-39
(37) Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’
(38) This is the first and greatest commandment.
(39) And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
The man who came to Jesus asked him only for the first and greatest commandment. Why then did Jesus add the second in his answer? Because the two are inseparable, in that the only way to know the degree to which someone loves God is by how he treats people.
Along this line, I recently saw a couple of verses in 1 John that pierced my very soul. They lay out a little more clearly how the greatest commandment and the second work together.
1 John 4:20 and 21
(20) If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.
(21) And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.
These verses are very clear: The only way to measure one’s love for God is by how he deals with people. This may come as a harsh reality to you, as it did to me. If you were to ask the common Christian if he loves God, he would probably say, “Absolutely.” I know I would like to think that I always love God, but Scripture clearly says that if I do not love my brother, I do not really love God. What a tough standard to measure up to! Or is it?
Think about it. The entire Bible has an overarching theme that God has woven into its very fabric, and that is love. Sometimes I am not sure how I should show up in a particular situation, or what the will of God is therein, but I can be certain of one thing, I am always supposed to love.
So, do you really love God? Are you really loving people? Can others see the love of Christ in me? I ask you these tough questions because I am asking them of myself. For much of my Christian life, I focused on gaining as much knowledge of the written Word as possible, but what good is that knowledge if I’m not walking in love?
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
(1) If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
(2) If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
(3) If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Do you see that? God is not as concerned with how much knowledge you have or the greatness of your faith as He is with how you love others. I’m not downplaying the importance of knowing the written Word, but I am stressing the importance of loving people in words and in deeds.
1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
I don’t want to just “say” that I love people; I want my life to be a life of love, proven by my actions. If you consider yourself a loving person, you might ask yourself: “What have I done today that is loving?” What have you done this month? I think that the famous “Golden Rule” gives every human being a benchmark to know what is love and what is not, in that we each know what feels like love to us, and we can use that as the standard for dealing with others. All of us can think back to a time we felt loved, even if it was in a very small way.
I challenge you to look closely at what it means to love people with true, biblical love. 1 Corinthians 13 is a great place to start.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
(4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
(5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
(6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
(7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
(8a) Love never fails…
As Christians, we are called to be witnesses for the Lord Jesus Christ, and whether we like it or not, non-believers will notice the way we live our lives. Many of them base their perception of Christianity on how they see Christians acting, and, in my opinion, Christians are one of the biggest reasons why some people reject Christianity. Many who profess to follow Christ do not love the way he did. Jesus told his disciples: “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35).
Love can do amazing things. It can fix problems, mend relationships, and change hearts.
The following are two verses that show the power of love:
Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.
1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
To conclude this brief overview of some of the convictions living in my heart, I ask you to love. Love not out of guilt or obligation, but with a pure heart that knows what Scripture says and is committed to changing lives. My good friend Brett lived a life of love, and people remember him for the love he showed. I want that in my life, and I’m sure you do too. May we all strive to love God, and each other, all the days of our lives. He promises that it will be worth it.
Polls show, blogs aren’t read on the weekends. And if no one comes to read, then it’s a wasted effort, right?
Wrong.
Now? I could care less about readers, or numbers, or comments, or anything blog related. Now, all I care about is documenting my life because when you have a loved one that’s been in a serious, life-threatening accident, all of that stuff becomes secondary and so much less important. Life is precious. MY life and loved ones are precious. And if I DON’T write this out, when I feel like it NEEDS to come out, the top of my head will simply eject from my head and brain matter will come spilling out and soil my monitor.
And I can’t afford to buy a new monitor right now … so, here I am, posting on a Saturday.
I have meant to write more. I have wanted to write more. I have so much to write about. But when it comes time to sit down and actually write, I lose focus – more so than normal. All of my thoughts and feelings are a jumbled heap of confusion. I think I’ve been so focused on keeping everything in, all of the doubts, fears, anger, confusion, elation, hope, worries, etc. buried deep inside me that when it comes time to open that box and sort through the various emotions, I find I can’t make sense of it all.
So for right now, I’ll focus on what’s uppermost in my Pandora’s box: apprehension.
Kevin has been very active this week. He’s getting this transfer from his bed/wheelchair/toilet/car/couch thing down to a science. I don’t really have to help him at all anymore – I just stand to the side and hope he’s strong enough to handle it all.
We’ve been successful in getting Kevin into my car. So successful, in fact, that we went to Wal-Mart yesterday.
It’s one thing to talk about how we’re going to do something – to plan it out, step-by-step and try and anticipate problems along the way, it’s QUITE something else to actually DO it.
This was the first time that I had loaded up his wheelchair. I folded it up and put it in the car, along with the sliding board and leg extenders. We took the leg extenders because if we hadn’t, then Kevin would have had to lift his legs up so I could push the chair the entire time we were shopping; lifting your legs is fine if you’re going a short distance, hard if you’re being pushed around a store the size of two football fields.
Folding the chair is not that difficult. You grab onto the seat and pull up – the whole thing collapses onto itself, but lifting the chair into the back of my car was harder than I thought it would be. It’s MUCH heavier than it looks. I can handle it, but Oy.
In addition, the chair takes up so much room, that I’m forced to lower the back seat to make room for it. Which is fine when it’s just me and Kevin in the car, but impossible if say we’re going to the airport to catch our flight out of Springfield and we have two teenage boys AND luggage.
It’s simply not going to work.
We’re going to have to ask someone to follow us to the airport with the boys and our luggage.
OR, try and figure out a way to strap the wheelchair to my car from the outside – like a bike rack for wheelchairs. (Or use an actual bike rack?)
But this is why we’re practicing transferring him around town now, so we’ll know what to expect when it comes time for our trip.
And therein lies my anxiety. We’re planning on leaving our house, our city, our state, our country! I mean, I think the full implication of that has only fully hit me. Good Lord, what are we thinking?? Can we do this? Can I do this?? Because ultimately, this trip will come down to me and how I handle it all.
I’m willful, controlling, stubborn and (semi) organized but am I crazy? After all, this trip is not about me, it’s about making sure Kevin is safely transferred during our travels. It’s about making sure I keep track of everything and everyone while making sure we are where we’re supposed to be at such-and-such time.
To say this upcoming trip and all that that entails is daunting is an understatement.
Am I biting off more than I can chew? Granted, Kevin is not an invalid, he can transfer himself and handle his own weight (and that’s only going to get better and better), but coping with a handicap person cross country is completely new territory for me. I’m still getting used to transferring him around town, let alone out of country!
I must be insane.
So the doubts. They are there. And I try not to show the boys or Kevin that I’m a bit nervous about this whole thing and yes, we could just cancel it, but then what. We stay home with our tail between our legs? We let the situation control how we live our lives? We let Satan win??
I.
Don’t.
Think.
So.
We can do this. I CAN DO THIS. I just need to stop thinking so much and jump in with both feet. We will continue practicing and we’ll continue to look for ways to make this trip as easy and smooth as possible.
Assuming, of course, the doctor gives the okay to go. If he doesn’t, then this anxiety is really a waste of energy, isn’t it.
Speaking of doctor – Kevin goes to his orthopedic doctor on Tuesday. I’m really anxious to see how his fractures have healed and HOPING that he won’t have to wear the stupid braces for much longer, if at all.
It was time for the woman who hit Kevin to appear before the judge.
This was my first time going to court for … anything. Well, there was that time I was pulled over for rolling through a stop sign (*ahem*) and I didn’t have my insurance card with me, so I had to appear before a judge and show him I had insurance at the time I was stopped.
But I digress.
It was … interesting. And a bit scary, if you want the truth. There were all sorts of characters and it was both fascinating and sad to hear the various reasons all of those people were ordered to appear in court.
My MIL and I sat in the back with Kevin’s boss. I looked around the courtroom and studied the different people. I leaned over to my MIL and said, “I’m just guessing here, but I’m going to say either this woman sitting in front of me, or that woman across the room, is the lady who hit Kevin.”
I don’t know why I picked those two women, probably because they were with less than scrupulous men and I remembered what the police officer told me at the hospital right after the accident …
“We found her because she went home and told her boyfriend what had happened, the boyfriend told a neighbor and the neighbor called us.”
Something told me my guesses were on the money.
We didn’t have to wait long. One of the prosecuting attorneys called out her name and the woman who sat directly in front of me stood up.
I just had a hunch it was her.
The prosecuting attorney wasn’t exactly rude to her, but he was brusque. He reminded her that he wasn’t her attorney and was only instructing her on her rights and that if she plead not guilty, she had the right to retain an attorney. He also informed her of the restitution amount she would be required to pay if she were found guilty.
That restitution amount? Was from us. We sent the prosecuting attorney a dollar amount that we felt she owed us from expenses and so forth.
Needless to say, the woman’s face lost all color when she heard the restitution amount and she hesitated before giving her answer.
Her boyfriend, the man now sitting in front of me, hissed at her to say “not guilty.”
The prosecuting attorney was not amused and suggested to the woman that they step outside so he could continue briefing her.
I will be honest. I thought less than favorable thoughts about this woman and it gave me pleasure that she freaked out over the dollar amount.
But this isn’t about the money. This is about our desire to see her pay for her poor judgment and to accept responsibility for her consequences (and let’s not forget, this woman has a history of pulling similar stunts with other people). Judging by the frantic whispers and panicked expressions she exchanged with her boyfriend and friend, we aren’t expecting financial reimbursement anyway.
The judge called her name to appear before him shortly after she sat back down. Though I wasn’t able to catch all of the conversation, I did hear the part where she had opted to exercise her right to an attorney.
So, she is scheduled to appear back in court June 25th, with her attorney, with her plea.
I plan on not only going, but taking the boys with me next time. After they heard me talk about our experience, they were curious enough to request going along next time. In addition to offering them some sort of closure on this whole nightmare, I think it might be a good exercise for them to see what happens to people who don’t follow the rules.
I sense a life lesson here somewhere. 🙂
It was really interesting that we ended up sitting behind the woman in court today. I felt like a fly on the wall as I listened in on their conversations and possible plans for getting her out of this situation. I sat, with my arms crossed, and simply stared at them. I willed them to look back at me, but they never did. Though I wouldn’t have said anything to them, I was very tempted to DO something, anything, to make this woman understand what her actions had cost Kevin and my family.
But I refrained from doing anything stupid and instead contented myself with the fact that I got to see how scared she was.
I realize that might make me sound a bit cold hearted, but it’s not any worse than driving off from the scene of such a horrific accident not knowing if Kevin was dead or alive.
On a brighter note …
We got Kevin into my car yesterday!! We actually drove to Andy’s and bought some custard to take home to the boys.
Tomorrow, after the nurse comes to see Kevin, we plan on going to Wal-Mart to buy him some stretchy slip-on shoes. We will have to buy something wide and a bit bigger than he’s used to wearing to accommodate for the swelling he sustains whenever he’s been in his chair for a while.
We were pretty nervous about transferring him to my car at first, but once the occupational therapist showed us, it’s actually quite easy.
Well, easy for me since I just stand there and watch him, but Kevin assures me it’s actually easier to get into my car than it is to get on the toilet, so …. there you go.
I wish we had our handicap card to put in my car. It’s going to be a pain to get him inside if we have to park a ways from the door, but now that Kevin is getting stronger and knows how to make transfers on his own, there’s really no stopping the man.
Write From Karen 