AudioPlay

Audio Post

Karen

How FREAKING cool is this?!?

WordPress.com has enabled a post by phone option – now, you can call a number, record your message, and it automatically posts on your blog!!

This is going to really come in handy when we go to New York!

You can find the instructions on how to do this on your blog here.

The only problem is, there is no editing. What you record is what posts. I wish it would go to the blog editor first, but hey, I’m not going to complain because this is too cool.

Thanks for listening!!

Talk to you soon!

Can We Talk?

Disagreeing with Your Partner’s Parenting Decisions

Karen

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Our children are not our friends.

We are FRIENDLY to our children, but we are not their FRIENDS.

And I could be wrong, but I firmly believe that it’s (nearly?) impossible to be your child’s parent AND their friend at the same time.

At least, until the child matures and moves out of the house.

I know there are moments that the boys hate me. I’m prepared for it, I expect it. But I also know that when they feel that way, they’re more upset about not getting their way more than actually hating me.

At least, I hope so.

And though I would be lying if I said that it didn’t bother me when they’re upset with me, I get over it, I chock the anger, the dirty looks, the mumbled insults, to simply being part of my job as their mother.

It comes with the territory.

I think because I already possess this mental awareness in my mother arsenal I’m pretty straight forward when it comes to discipline. These are the rules. You follow the rules, we’ll have rainbows and unicorns. You disregard the rules and the hounds of hell will be released, chase you down, and melt your face with their fiery breath.

Not to be overly dramatic or anything. 🙄

I know I sound like a broken record here, but Kevin and I have always agreed on the discipline front:

He steps back and allows me to be the bad guy.

It’s worked out beautifully so far. 😀

Seriously, I have usually been the one to dole out the punishments. When the boys were smaller, I whacked them with a wooden spoon whenever they wouldn’t listen to me or were breaking the rules.

Yes, I spanked the boys.

Notice I didn’t say beat the boys.

BIG difference. HUGE, actually.

At any rate, they quickly got the message – mom meant business. And luckily, (because contrary to popular belief I didn’t enjoy it), I didn’t have to get the wooden spoon out very often.

Now that the kids are older, we get them where it really hurts – their games and computers.

We have a deal – give 100% of your attention to school, make the grades you’re capable of making and everything is cool.

Those grades drop, or you start disregarding house rules, and we confiscate the power cords to your computer and/or game consoles/DS’s.

A couple of times of being deprived of their favorite past time and POW, instant obedience.

Kevin and I have agreed on how to discipline the boys, but we’ve not always agreed on the length of their punishment.

It’s funny, but when I’m doing the disciplining, it doesn’t really bother me that much when the boys get mad/sad, etc.

But when Kevin disciplines them for something (and it doesn’t happen often, he has the patience of saints), I find my first instinct is to protect the boys.

“Now honey, don’t you think that’s a little harsh? After all, they only did _______” fill in the blank.

Which only serves to irritate Kevin more.

And rightly so.

I don’t question his judgment in front of the boys. And I rarely try and usurp his authority with the boys, overall. But I have been successful in talking him down from an anger high and reducing their sentences a bit.

Because even though I’m tough and a bit cold-hearted, I am fair.

The boys learned, early on, that trying to divide and conquer us was a waste of time. Though we may disagree on the specifics, Kevin and I are on the same page overall.

I think that strength, that strong parental front, has helped make our marriage stronger over the years, too.

Your turn: what happens when you disagree with your partner’s parenting decisions?

karen1

Life

Determined to Live Normally

Karen

When I wake up in the morning, one of the first places I check is Facebook.

And today, one of my friends posted a video.

About driving safely.

She posted it because she works with teens and she wanted something to remind teens to take driving seriously and to be safe.

I understand her reasons for posting it, but it was if she were speaking directly to me.

I won’t post the video – it’s honestly too upsetting. In fact, after watching it, I cried, hard, for a full fifteen minutes. It was an ugly, silent, uncontrollable, gut-wrenching cry that ended with a pounding headache.

The video was very graphic. It showed people being thrown from cars, smashed into poles and trees, crushed between obstacles, and thrown from motorcycles.

Motorcycles.

I would like to think I’ve done a pretty good job at keeping my mental health under control throughout Kevin’s accident. I’ve been strong. Yes. I’ve had moments when I broke down and temporarily lost it (his surgeries were the worst moments for me), but overall, I’m proud of myself for keeping my cool.

But when I watched that video this morning, that thread of control I’ve been so careful to keep from unraveling over these past several months, snapped.

There was a time period, shortly after the accident, where I would close my eyes and picture Kevin hurling through the air. I felt his fear. And it made me sick to think of him lying on that road, broken, alone and wishing for his family to comfort him.

I believe that’s one of the reasons I didn’t sleep much when we were in Columbia. Like a section from an old movie that had been spliced out, frames from his accident would play over and over and I just couldn’t bare reliving it through my mind’s eye.

It bothers me that I wasn’t there. That I didn’t have the chance to hold his hand, pray with him, soothe him until help arrived. We do everything together – it’s rare that we’re not together. And to think I wasn’t there to help him in some way …

Now you know I’m strong, but I’m not invincible. I’ve had my moments when I’ve broken down and cried my heart out. I’ve had moments when I felt sorry for Kevin, for myself, for time lost. But we’re bouncing back. Our lives were only interrupted; we’re slowly getting back to normal.

Through God’s grace, we’re pulling through this. And I’m confident that one day, we’re all going to look back on this time period and find it hard to believe that it even happened. Our lives will resume and we will have triumphed over Satan’s attack.

Because WE WILL triumph.

I think that’s a large part of why Kevin and I are so determined to go on this vacation. Yes. It will be work. Yes. It will likely be difficult for Kevin. But we will NOT allow Satan to win. Period.

And that’s evident in Kevin’s attitude, too.

He has reached the point where he is sick to death of this entire situation. So, he’s refusing to allow it to slow him down.

Case in point: That picture above.

Tuesday, I was sitting at my computer when I heard the door open and close. I didn’t think too much about it, though I did think it was strange that one of the boys would have gone outside. (Our boys rarely get up from their computer chair, let alone voluntarily go outside).

Five minutes later, I peeked outside to see who was out there and what he was doing.

To my utter surprise, it was Kevin. And he was picking up tree limbs that had blown down from the last summer storm.

I nervously watched him. He nearly lost his balance a few times, but overall, he did great. I wanted to help him, but I sensed that my help would not be welcomed. I watched him for several minutes before stepping outside. He was all smiles. It’s such a relief to him that his life is getting back to normal. He’ll be out there again, shovel in hand, sitting on his walker seat, just waiting to kill moles next.

Mark. My. Words.

We also got Kevin into his truck on Tuesday, too. I fired it up (it hadn’t been driven in two months) and we drove around for a bit. Again, he was all smiles. He loved being able to ride in his truck again.

In fact … the PT he saw yesterday said that he should be able to drive again, if he felt up to it. He suggested we go to a parking lot and see how it goes.

So, we’ll probably go to a parking lot this weekend and see how it goes. Kevin said that he’s pretty confident he can drive, but he is wondering how his reaction time will be. Though we’ll test drive this weekend, I have a feeling he won’t feel ready to drive yet for several more weeks.

Then again, this man is constantly surprising me, so who knows.

The PT also gave him some sort of contraption that he attaches to his shoe. It’s supposed to help keep his right foot in the correct position. He has been having problems with being able to lift his right foot – they call it a foot drop – so they gave him this contraption to help him loosen the muscles in his ankle so he will have more flexibility.

So life is moving along for us. Kevin truly is getting better and better. He does have days when he’s more tired than others, but don’t we all? He’s only taking three pain pills a day now, which is pretty remarkable considering it’s only been eleven weeks since the accident.

But I’m blessed. I’m married to a very strong and very determined man and I thank God for him every day.

Every. Day.

Relationships

How to Have a Happy Marriage

Karen

May was our anniversary month.

Kevin and I have been married for 20 years now.

Twenty. Years.

But we didn’t get to do anything exciting for our anniversary for a number of reasons:

1. He was involved in motor cycle accident and he was physically unable to leave the house.

2. We redid our kitchen in March, which we agreed would be part of our gift to each other.

3. We planned a family vacation (which we’ll be taking in a few weeks) back in January and again, agreed that it would be part of our gift to each other.

Anyway …

I saw this video on Dr. Laura’s YouTube channel and thought it would be a fun, and cute, segway to a recap post for the 10-day Love Dare “workshop” I hosted last year in May. (What can I say – May equals LOVE for me).


(By the way, NEVER stop flirting. Seriously. It’s fun and puts a creative and exciting spark in your marriage).

In case you’re just tuning in, the 10-day Love Dare challenge was all about DARING YOU to make your marriage stronger. I personally believe that too many people (mainly women) have been brainwashed into believing that marriage is all about THEM and about what THEY want and need from a relationship when in fact, it’s not.

At all.

It’s about co-existing with another human being and learning to adapt and change to various circumstances over the years. It’s about training yourself to LIVE love, not just FEEL love.

Can you honestly say you’re the same person you were when you got married? Can you honestly say your spouse is?

I’m betting – no.

Anyway, if you’re interested in reading more about the challenge, and my experiences with the challenge, you can click on the links below.

Beginning
Love is patient: Day One
Love is kind: Day Two
Love is not selfish: Day Three
Love is thoughtful: Day Four
Love is not rude: Day Five
Love believes the best: Day Six
Love is not jealous: Day Seven
Love fights fair: Day Eight
Love takes delight: Day Nine
Love vs. lust: Day Ten

It was a lot of work writing all of that, and it’s even more work LIVING it. Having a perfect marriage is not realistic, but a happy marriage is certainly possible – and it all starts with YOU.

I would like to continue this “series” by offering up advice and stories from my own marriage. Though our marriage is FAR FROM PERFECT, we’re happy, because we both made a conscious effort to work at it. Being happily married is simply not handed to you, it’s a lot of work, from BOTH sides and it’s a two-way street – there are no one-way streets in a HAPPY marriage.

Anyway, I thought this might be a good place to start this whole relationship series of posts and I hope that by reading about my experiences or listening to my own personal advice, it inspires you to keep working toward improving your own marriage.

Good luck and thanks for reading.

Life-condensed

At the Moment …

Karen

… I’m running around with my head cut off today.

8:15 a.m – walked 3.25 miles on the treadmill while using hand weights, arms felt like noodles. (Which doesn’t sound sexy but necessary in order to burn off my flabby grandma fat). Watched Season One, Disk One of the TV series “Bones.”

Verdict? It’s getting better.

9:00 a.m. – wake up Dude, Jazz is already up. (Nothing unusual here. Dude would sleep until 2:00 in the afternoon if allowed and Jazz gets up around 8ish regardless of how much sleep he got the night before).

9:15 a.m. – check on husband – is he comfortable? Does he need a mid-morning snack? Mocha honey?

Yes on the mocha.

9:30 a.m. – Got into the shower.

Died a little. (Ahhhh … nothing like washing that gritty sweat off).

9:45 a.m. – Put on makeup, but not dry hair, and sat in front of my computer, with wet hair, and checked my blog, email, Twitter and waited for my core temperature to cool down.

10:00 a.m. – made beds, checked house temperature (a nearly full-time job now that the temps have been in the 90’s these past weeks), fixed my hair (which means I put it up in a clip and called it done).

Got back on Twitter and posted really asinine tweets.

10:15 a.m. – Hustled Jazz along, prepared to leave.

10:30 a.m. – Arrived at father-in-law’s arch-support store.

Waited for him to finish with a customer.

10:45 a.m. – Watched as he fit Jazz for arch supports. (His feet have really been bothering him, which is understandable considering the boy is on his feet all day, every day what with a summer school PE class and band camp).

11:00 a.m. – Visited with father-in-law while keeping one eye on the clock.

11:10 a.m. – Left store and rushed Jazz to school for his PE class.

11:30 a.m. – Received call from a hungry husband wanting to know where I was and was it time to eat yet?

11:50 a.m. – Arrived at Panera Bread, scarfed down lunch. (Food + pain pill = happy husband).

12:40 p.m. – Picked up prescriptions from doctor (since the pain killer is a narcotic, we had to physically go to the doctor’s office and show ID).

12:50 p.m. – Dropped prescriptions off

1:00 p.m. – Post Office – bought stamps (lucked out – no line!)

1:25 p.m. – Home / Relaxed / Kevin took a quick nap (which only worked out to be about 15 minutes).

2:15 p.m. – Left to go pick son up from summer school.

2:25 p.m. – Arrived at dentist’s office – we’re early and I’m hoping they would see Jazz early. They didn’t.

3:15 p.m. – Kevin and I left dentist’s office and headed toward rehab center (which is conveniently located a few blocks from the dentist’s office! Win!)

3:25 p.m. – Dropped Kevin off, made sure he had a pain pill to get him through the session, headed back to the dentist’s office to pick Jazz up.

3:40 p.m. – Arrived home.

(PRESENT TIME)

3:47 p.m. – Jazz is now taking a shower.

4:15 p.m. – Jazz and I will leave the house, again, and head to Wendy’s. I will buy him a Crispy Chicken sandwich, a value fry and a water – for $2.15.

4:30 p.m. – Jazz will scarf down his (pre) dinner, we will head back to the rehab center and pick Kevin up.

4:40 p.m. – Arrive back at the school, wait for Jazz to finish eating, drop him off for band camp.

4:52 p.m. – Kevin and I will arrive back home.

5:00 p.m. – Kevin will start complaining about being hungry.

5:05 p.m – I will prepare dinner (ravioli w/ dinner rolls and broccoli – I will save some so Jazz can eat his [post] dinner when he gets home).

6:00 p.m. – Give Kevin his Coumadin.

6:05 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. – Zone out and relax.

7:05 p.m. – Go tan.

7:35 p.m. – Catch up emails and plan for tomorrow’s blog post.

8:30 p.m. – Kevin and I will leave to pick Jazz up. We will get there too early and watch the kids go through marching drills on the parking lot. (I love this part).

8:55 p.m. – Band director will dismiss kids. Jazz will run in to get his drawstring backpack.

9:10 p.m. – Arrive back home.

9:15 p.m. – Bug Dude because I won’t have talked to him ALL DAY!

Whew!

Thank goodness not every day is like this, but it’s like this during the weeks that Jazz has band camp. But it’s totally worth it because the kid LOVES his music!

So tell me, peeps, how was YOUR day?