Life – Page 23 – Write From Karen

Jazz went to court this past Friday.

He pled guilty to rear-ending someone.

He was wearing his jazz ensemble – all in black save for one skinny white tie. I bet the judge was amused.

The judge waived the fine and ordered him to go to defensive driving school.

We would have preferred the fine.

But that’s okay, this might be a good thing. It will teach Jazz the importance of keeping his eyes on the road, and to watch out for crazy drivers.

Because they’re out there in droves.

And they’re distracted, rude and inconsiderate.

You know it’s true.

Dear Diary, Parenting

Dear Diary: A Father’s Connection

February 17, 2013 Karen

Dear Diary:

All he ever wanted was to connect with them.

When we found out we were going to have sons, Kevin did what most fathers do: he fantasized about doing guy things with his sons someday. He would teach them things, he would grow close to them, he would have little buddies to hang out with.

That hasn’t really happened. Oh sure. Our sons love their father (probably more than me since he’s so much more rational with them than I am and plus – I’m a girl), but I don’t think Kevin feels like they are as close as he would like them to be. It’s taken him years to really find common ground with them. Kevin is a fix-it sort of personality. He enjoys challenges. He likes puzzles. He takes a hold of a problem and doesn’t let go until he figures it out and then conquers it.

I call him my bulldog because he simply doesn’t let anything go. (Which, on one hand, is a good trait to have because stubborn people are generally more successful simply because they don’t give up. But on the other hand, you have to learn when to quit because after you’ve reached a certain point, that point where you know in your heart it’s not going to work, it just becomes a waste of time and life is too short to beat dead horses).

But our boys aren’t interested in the same things as Kevin – not really. They could care less how to monkey rig a problem, or make something last longer than it was intended to last. They don’t care about creative maintenance solutions – they would rather just go out and buy something new than figure out what the problem is.

(They come by that mentality honestly. *ahem*)

They aren’t fascinated with problems or problem solving. (Kevin is an accountant and enjoys figuring out logical solutions to messy presentations).

They could care less about cars.

Or cooking.

Or music. (Though Jazz does love his saxophone, he’s not really interested in the type of music that Kevin loves – grungy guitar rock-type songs).

They don’t give a rat’s behind about yard work. Or house maintenance. (Though they should and will whenever they get to the homeowners stage one day).

Our sons are spoiled, entitled and have never really had a tough day in their life. And we take total blame for that. We molded them. We protected them. And they will have a rude awakening one day, I’m sure.

Reality is not all about rainbows and unicorns. Am I right?

So, when the boys saved up enough money to upgrade their computers (they both work with Kevin and Kevin pays them minimum wage and swears that he couldn’t run his business without them because he’s getting more and more clients) and bought customized parts to build bigger and better gaming computers and asked for Kevin’s advice on what to buy and then spent hours in the kitchen together putting those parts back together again, Kevin was in absolute heaven.

Finally. He found common ground. Finally. He found something they were all interested in and could bond over together.

He was happy. He told me he was happy. His actions spelled happiness. And it warmed my heart to see all three of them grow that much closer.

I have reached a point in motherhood where I am no longer inside their world: I’m outside looking in. It’s a weird position to be in considering I was one of those helicopter moms who wouldn’t allow their boys to say “BOO” unless I gave them permission to say “BOO.” In some ways, I miss those days. I miss my little boys who looked to me for guidance and relied on me to take care of them.

But mostly, I glad those days are over. I’m ready for them to take the reins of their lives and ride their choices into the sunset. I’m ready for them to meet adulthood without me hovering in the background. I will always be there for them if they need me, but I no longer wish to be the first person who they turn to if they have problems.

They are no longer boys, they are men. And they need their father now more than ever to teach them HOW to become men. It’s Kevin’s turn to take the parental reins and though one small part of me is sad, most of me is fascinated by the changes I see almost on a daily basis. I find myself in an interesting situation now: I’m the parent on the other side of the looking glass now. Though my job as their mother will never be complete, I think I’ve played my last mothering card – we’re using a new deck now and it’s Kevin’s turn to deal them a new hand.

It warms my heart to see Kevin so happy to take over. He eagerly took on that responsibility yesterday when he helped Jazz put his newly built computer back together again and their father/son conversation left me feeling warm, safe and secure inside – they are both in such good hands. Kevin is an excellent father – I couldn’t have prayed for a better father to my sons. He’s patient, kind, and considerate. He openly tells them he loves them, and is not embarrassed about the admission.

I think Kevin has solidified that father/son connection he craved.

Day-By-Day

A New BFF? Going to Court. A New Job Opportunity?

February 10, 2013February 10, 2013 Karen

I think I could easily become BFF’s with one of the nurses. We just seem to … hit it off. Our sense of humors are in sync and trust me when I say, there aren’t many people who truly “get” my sense of humor.

Just sayin’.

I was feeling goofy and pretty good the day this nurse started. And she happens to work for one of my favorite doctors, AND, one of the doctors that I routinely schedule for. So when I met her, I laughed and said, “You’re gonna love me, I’m pretty awesome.”

Luckily, she laughed. “I’m sure you’re right.”

I was pretty horrified at my audacity but yo, I am who I am. Take it or leave it.

Lucky for me, she took it. She’s been coming up to my window the last few days to talk about patients, but I get the feeling she just wants to talk to me and uses the patients as an excuse. It’s pretty cute, actually. I think she likes me. And I think she’s trying to get to know me better. She’s young. And pretty. And has a great personality. And she’s married to a pretty hot man, who she made a point of introducing me to when he came to the clinic several weeks back.

Funny. She didn’t introduce him to the other girls, now that I think about it.

I think we could be BFF’s. If I were looking for a BFF.

I took my Mr. Coffee Keurig coffee maker to work Friday; I was a barista for a day. The girls seemed to like it, but they only had one cup. I think they were afraid to drink any more. It might have had something to do with my “and these little cups are freaking expensive” comment.

Dude bought this … interesting figurine the other day.

I have no idea what this thing is, or what character it is from what game but … *shrug* Dude absolutely loves it. In fact, he gushed all over it when he showed me. “Just look at this shield, mom. They did such a great job painting it.” (It’s hand painted).

I won’t even tell you how much he spent on it – actually, I wish Kevin hadn’t told me how much it cost because DUDE, WHOA. But hey, spend it right now because when he turns 21? He’s gonna have to start paying for his car insurance, schooling, monthly phone bill, and saving up to move out … someday.

Reality is gonna bite this boy REAL soon.

Jazz’s court date is Friday. He’ll have to miss his 1st period class in order to stand before the judge, take responsibility for rear ending someone, and get slapped with a fine.

Boy #2 is about to get a spoonful of reality.

We’re becoming a family of realists.

Jazz also has a Jazz festival at a local high school next Friday, too. So, between his court appearance and getting out early for the festival, he’s pretty much going to miss school on Friday.

I plan on leaving work at 2:00 on Friday so that I can go watch him play.

Work can stick it.

Family first, always.

I’ll post a video and some pictures.

Of course.

The kids aren’t wearing their normal jazz band polos and khaki slacks this year – instead, they’re wearing all black: black slacks, black dress shirt, black dress shoes and a white accent. I bought Jazz a skinny white tie as his white accent. In fact, the kids played some sort of charity gig last night and he looked uber sharp. I tried to talk him into wearing his fedora, but he chickened out. I meant to take a picture, but we had to leave the house so quickly that I didn’t have time.

I’ll definitely take some pictures at the festival on Friday. And according to the band schedule, I think he has to play at a home basketball game Friday night, too. If so, that means he’ll have court Friday morning, a jazz performance in the afternoon and a pep-rally-sort-of-gig Friday night.

Why does everything have to happen all in one day?

And speaking of court dates: Kevin has been subpoenaed. He has to testify in court on March 18th in the trial against the woman who hit him, head on, on his motorcycle in April 2010.

Finally, after three years, this woman is finally answering to the felony charge of leaving the scene of an accident. Because not only did this … woman … hit him head on, she took off afterward.

Coward. Idiot. Loser.

I could go on, but I won’t.

I plan on taking off work that morning and going with him for support. Also. This will be the first time that Kevin has faced this woman, he’s never even seen her, so I’m sure it will bring up all sorts of emotional anguish for him.

And finally … there may be a job opportunity soon. The schools are converting all of their websites into some sort of universal Blackboard program where parents can make personalized accounts and access various customized documents for their kid. I’m supposed to be invited to attend some training sessions on how to access/manipulate the program. At first, I thought, no way, I can’t take on any more responsibility right now, but then I got to thinking … what if I can somehow talk the school district into hiring me full time to maintain these school websites? For security reasons, they no longer allow non-district employees to maintain their websites and I’m only allowed to continue because I’ve been “grandfathered” in and they trust me. I mean, I love doing the websites. L.O.V.E them. I would rather maintain the websites, as a full-time job, than doing what I’m doing now. And I would “hopefully” make more money.

So. I’ve held off saying anything to the schools and I’m sort of strategizing my plan of attack here. Nothing may come of it, but then again, it’s worth a shot – you never know until you ask, right? If they shoot me down, then my plan B is to drop most of the schools and maintain two – one high school and one middle school – because honestly, it just takes too much energy and I can’t keep up with it all and work 40 hours.

Relationships

I’m Too Busy to Pay Attention to You

February 5, 2013February 3, 2013 Karen

I’m busy. Are you busy? It’s almost “cool” to admit we’re busy nowadays, don’t you think?

Case in point: Whenever I talk to my mother-in-law, her life is crazy busy. She never has time to read, or watch TV, or relax in any way. And okay, fine, maybe she doesn’t. But if she really wanted to do those things, then she would make the time. Something else would give in her life and she would make it happen.

Whenever I ask her if she’s read any good books, or has watched any movies lately, her response is always “I don’t have time for those things.” I get annoyed. Of course you have time for those things, she would just rather spend her time doing other things – she doesn’t WANT to do those things. I’m cool with that. It’s her time, she can do whatever she wants with that time. But be honest, why not just say, “I don’t really like to read or watch TV, I’d rather do X, Y, and Z.”

I’d have more respect for her answer if she were honest. Instead, it sounds cooler to simply say, “I don’t have time for that.”

And then, when I pin her down and make her break down her day to me, it astounds me how much time she actually wastes by mismanaging her day. For example: she wanted rocky road ice cream one day. Instead of going to the store and picking up a box of rocky road ice cream, she spent two hours driving around to different facilities looking for rocky road ice cream.

See what I mean?

Since my life is all about multi-tasking now, time is precious. I have learned to make the most of time and try very hard to make every second count. That’s why I’m utterly exhausted on the weekends – because I allow myself to relax and yet can’t, there are household chores that have to be tended to because there is no way in Hades they’re getting done during the week; I’m simply out of steam.

And then … there’s Kevin. He deserves attention. And I would rather give that time to him than to the house – the house can wait. This is not to say that we don’t ignore each other or we simply don’t have enough energy for each other, we don’t, but I think both of us are consciously aware that we don’t spend a lot of time with each other right now (Kevin is working seven days a week right now with this Intuit / Tax support gig. He doesn’t have to, but he chooses to and though I’m not thrilled that he’s working himself to death, it’s his choice), so we make the moments count.

And being intimate is a hard … chore (because let’s be real, sometimes it IS a chore) to fit in sometimes.

But it’s necessary. Not for me. I could care less (which is part of the problem, quite frankly), but I know HE cares and he’s SO MUCH MORE LIKABLE to be around whenever his physical needs have been met. So I meet them. I make an effort. I drink an extra cup of coffee, or down a Monster drink late in the day and I meet those needs for him. Not for me, because I’m good with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, but I know he’s not – so I consciously keep that need in mind and plan accordingly.

You have to. If you’re married, you have to do this. It’s just the way men and women are programmed. Men need the physical – there’s no way around that fact. And women need the emotional. The challenge is to meet those needs. THAT’S LOVE. That’s what makes marriage work; it’s being aware, and respecting, what your partner needs.

And then making every effort to meet those needs – whether WE feel like it or not.

We’ll have been married 23 years this upcoming May. Things are good. At least, I THINK they’re good. And even though I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time, I’m assuming I’m doing something right.

Meeting the physical (and emotional) needs of my partner is definitely a step in the right direction.

Life

My Youngest Son’s Fender Bender

January 15, 2013 Karen

HE’S OKAY! (Grandma!)

But yes, Jazz rear-ended someone yesterday. Yes. It was his fault.

I had no idea. nobody called me.

Hmm …

I came home from work yesterday, pulled into the garage (because I’m spoiled and get to park in the garage whereas all three of my guys have to park outside Heh), and noticed someone had thrown a Sonic cup out of their window and it was lying in our ditch. Since I’m a good neighbor *cough-as-opposed-to-our-slobs-for-neighbors-cough*, I took the time to pick it up. As I’m walking back into the house, I see it …

What. The. Hell?!?

I walked over to his car and just sort of stared at it. I blinked, then blinked again.

Yep. Jazz’s car was munched up.

I kept my cool mainly because I was in shock. You always think this is a possibility in the back of your mind, but you don’t really think it’ll happen to you … until it does.

I walked into the house and hunted Jazz down. He was on his bed, with his pillow pulled over his head. He wasn’t crying, but I could tell he was close.

“So. Tell me what happened.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” came a muffled voice from under the pillow.

“Tough. Sit up and tell me what happened,” was my sympathetic answer. I’m like the most mean mom, ever.

Apparently, Jazz left school and was on his way to Kevin’s office to help out when he looked down, just for a second (that’s all it takes!) to make sure he had gotten his name badge. When he looked up, BAM, he hit the SUV in front of him.

And it was loaded down with other students, from his school. Awkward! (Though he didn’t know them).

Jazz called Kevin and when Kevin found out no one was hurt, told him to call the police. Kevin sort of had a work emergency and couldn’t leave so Jazz called the police, waited for him to show up, got his ticket (because it was his fault), then drove (because thankfully, the car still drives and the air bag didn’t deploy which leads me to believe he wasn’t driving that fast, thank God) to Kevin’s office.

Jazz will have to go to court February 25th – Kevin will be able to go with him.

That should be an experience.

I was a little miffed that no one called me, but at the same time, I was relieved. Because really, what could I do? No one was hurt. The police were called. All I would have done was make the situation worse by coddling him.

Welcome to the real world. (Though I did tell Jazz that if that EVER happens again and he IS hurt, CALL ME!)

Kevin called our insurance today and the insurance adjuster wants to talk to Jazz to hear his side of the story. I have no idea what will come of that. We only have liability on the car and there is no way it’s totalled so … ??

I just hope the guy he hit doesn’t cause us any problems. Jazz said that his car was only dented, but then again, that’s what he said about his car too.

As you can see from above, it’s a little more than a “dent.”

Insurance will go up, of course. But that’s par for the course, I suppose. Kevin has already told him that the money he would have been making helping him at the office will go toward repairing the car. I have no idea how long that will last, I’m leaving that part up to Kevin, but Jazz is pretty bummed – he was hoping to save for a new computer.

We have no intention of getting it fixed any time soon. One – we don’t have time to be without the car – Jazz needs it for school and no one has time to run him around town right now. And two – Kevin wants him to drive it around as a reminder to BE CAREFUL.

At least the air bag didn’t deploy – then we’d have to total it because the cost to replace an air bag would have cost more than the car is worth. We’ll see how much it’s going to cost us to replace the hood and grill .. that will be enough to hopefully resell it someday, I suppose.

Neither Kevin nor I freaked out about this – I mean, it’s a done deal, there’s not much left over to get freaked out about. As I told Jazz, “it’s only a car.” The most important thing is, he was wearing his seat belt, he wasn’t hurt, and no one was hurt in the other car, either.

God was watching out for him because it could have been so much worse.

In some ways, I’m sort of glad this happened. I’ve never had to worry about Dude’s driving, he’s a good driver and he’s very aware of his surroundings, but Jazz is cut from a different cloth. He’s sort of in his own world most of the time and yesterday, he got a healthy dose of reality.

I just wish his reality check hadn’t cost us so much money.

Politics, Sunday Scribblings

Sunday Scribblings: Paradise

January 13, 2013January 13, 2013 Karen

scribblings

It never ceases to amaze me the number of people who think if we just pass this law, or take away this right, our country will magically transform into some sort of paradise on earth.

What a naïve outlook on life. Newsflash: IT AIN’T HAPPENING IN OUR LIFETIME.

It will never happen – not until Christ comes back, that is. And if you’re not a Christian, then I suppose you don’t even have that hope to look forward to.

How sad.

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but folks – look – we live in a fallen world. It’s controlled by an evil entity, an entity that gets his kicks out of murder, chaos and hopelessness. It’s what he thrives on. And again, if you don’t believe in the whole God/Satan thing then just look around you: mankind is, and will continually become, more and more corrupt as time goes by.

I don’t mean to get all preachy on you, but let’s pause a moment for a reality check. It’s all about power and greed nowadays and humans are imperfect – our world will never get better, it will only get worse.

Hence the reason that many conservatives/Christians push to keep and/or change back, our laws. We KNOW things will only get worse and we’re desperately trying to stall the inevitable by maintaining the laws we have now (because erasing, or easing the current laws will only allow more chaos, less control, into our lives). Because the Left’s push for us to relinquish control over our lives, to willingly hand our lives, and our decisions concerning our lives, over the government on a silver platter, is a dangerous road to travel. Because if we allow the government to fund our lives, then that same government then has the final say over what we can, or can not do in our lives. They have a say in how we live our lives. They have a say over whether or not we need healthcare. They have a say over what we eat, how much we eat, where we eat. They have a say over what vehicles we drive, or how often we drive, or what sort of fuel we burn.

Handing control over to our government means they have a say over how many children we can have, or where they go to school, or what they learn.

How, exactly, is this paradise??

I don’t know about you, but I have no desire to become a puppet in my own life. I much prefer to be free to be allowed to make my own damn decisions, to live my life the way I choose (as long as I’m not denying someone their life, liberty or right to property) and be the mistress of my own destiny.

I honestly worry about people’s intelligence these days. People are so focused on short-term, Bandaid sort of solutions, that they either refuse, or deny, the reality of situations; how will this affect our lives ten years from now? It’s quite disturbing that people are so willing to swallow (or be injected) whatever is spoon fed them without stopping to QUESTION whether or not what is being forced on them is logical or even reasonable. There are way too many sheep in today’s society and not nearly enough Sheppards.

The moment, THE MOMENT, we allow the government to take a small sliver of control over us, we will never get it back. And the more that is relinquished, the more complacent people become. “Oh. What’s one more thing? What’s the big deal?” I hear people say.

The BIG DEAL, people, is that one day we will wake up and we’re not able to leave our houses without permission from “our government.”

Our freedoms have, little by little, been eroding away and it’s like we’re all sleep walking our way through life. It’s like we all have blinders on and only focus on what’s being spoon fed to us – we don’t have the balls, or the motivation (because it’s so much easier to just nod our heads yes and open our mouths), to tear those damn blinders off and look, REALLY LOOK, at the sh*t the government is trying to force on us.

Do you honestly think we’re on the path to paradise? If we ONLY give more control over the government, then we’ll find that non-existent utopia??

An authoritarian nation is defined not just by the use of authoritarian powers, but by the ability to use them. If a president can take away your freedom or your life on his own authority, all rights become little more than a discretionary grant subject to executive will.

The framers lived under autocratic rule and understood this danger better than we do. James Madison famously warned that we needed a system that did not depend on the good intentions or motivations of our rulers: “If men were angels, no government would be necessary.”

Benjamin Franklin was more direct. In 1787, a Mrs. Powel confronted Franklin after the signing of the Constitution and asked, “Well, Doctor, what have we got — a republic or a monarchy?” His response was a bit chilling: “A republic, Madam, if you can keep it.”

Since 9/11, we have created the very government the framers feared: a government with sweeping and largely unchecked powers resting on the hope that they will be used wisely.

The indefinite-detention provision in the defense authorization bill seemed to many civil libertarians like a betrayal by Obama. While the president had promised to veto the law over that provision, Levin, a sponsor of the bill, disclosed on the Senate floor that it was in fact the White House that approved the removal of any exception for citizens from indefinite detention.

Dishonesty from politicians is nothing new for Americans. The real question is whether we are lying to ourselves when we call this country the land of the free.
Source: 10 Reasons the U.S is No Longer the Land of the Free

(And I challenge you to follow the above link and read precisely what freedoms have changed and/or have been lost since 9/11. Go on, read it for yourself).

Why, exactly, do people think Paradise is even attainable when our world proves, time and time again, that it can’t, or won’t, exist without Big Brother to hold its hand?

Life-condensed