The First Day of School – Years Later

My husband spent the entire weekend going through old home videos. In the process, he uploaded this one so that I could share it with you.

This video was shot in our screened-in back porch. We (well, the husband) has since enclosed it and it is now his office/music studio. I had no idea he even TOOK this video until this past weekend when he played it. (Talk about a nice surprise!!) I was working nights at Wal-Mart back then and missed a lot of the sweet, evening stuff that went on between father and sons. 😦 However, I’m SO THANKFUL that the husband had the foresight to “interview” the boys like this. What a precious moment in time!

And thank God for video cameras, eh?

Side note: I have NO IDEA why there were wild squirrels trapped in our porch. I guess they had somehow gotten in through a hole in the screen and made a home behind our lawn chairs. I’m surprised the boys could even form coherent sentences given that distraction, but there you go. Neither the husband, nor the boys, remember this moment in time which is really weird because how can you forget about wild squirrels chirping to be let out? It’s not like that happens every day.

But I digress …

Every time I hear the boys’ sweet voices on this video, my heart melts and I feel such an overwhelming feeling of tenderness toward them, I almost feel nauseous.

I’m thinking that’s a good thing? 🙂

My God, they were both so honest and full of boyish charm, weren’t they? I mean, they are full of charm now, but it’s a different sort of MANLY charm now – back then, they were simply scrumptious with their wide-eyed innocence and high-pitched little boy voices.

And I MISS their overall enthusiasm and optimism for school. They enjoyed it back then. They came home excited to tell me stories, or what so-and-so did that was so funny or how such-and-such chased them at recess or the new tricks they learned on the monkey bars. They were eager to learn and were so proud of their efforts.

And what is up with the cute adjectives my boys used in the video to describe their first days of school? Words like “perfect” and “super.” AARGH! Are they TRYING to kill me with their cuteness!! And when MK tells daddy about what he did that day, “We talk about the ruuuules. And we played outside … and we watched TV and uh … it was lunch time. And then it was lunch time again …”

HAHAHA! Sounds like MY day! 😉

Okay, not really. (I wish though).

Now? I’m lucky if I get more than a grunt of acknowledgement when I ask how their day went. And I consider myself fortunate if I happen to learn about anything school related. (Perhaps that’s why I so eagerly got involved with designing and maintaining school websites – to keep in the loop? To be a part of my boys’ lives whether I was invited or not? Hhmm… I smell an ulterior motive here.)

And forget about smiles. They ain’t happening. It’s “cooler” to frown nowadays. (I should know. Heh).

*sigh* Yes, I miss those sweet, innocent years. But instead of getting depressed about it, I’m now choosing to appreciate them in different ways. The fact that they can feed/bathe/entertain themselves. Their senses of humor and impeccable timing when they make off-the-wall comments that cause me to snort water up my nose. Their struggle for independence. Their surprising intellect and the fact that they “get” so much more than I give them credit for. The fact that they are really good, honest, fun kids and that the husband and I? We made some pretty awesome people, if I say so myself.

I used to cry on the first day of school. No scratch that, I used to BAWL my eyes out the first day of school. Would they be all right without me? Would they make friends? Would other kids be mean to them? Would they be able to keep up with their studies? Would they stay safe on the playground? Would they just stop growing up so fast!?

And then the rest of the day, I’d walk around like a zombie. Not sure what to do with myself because so much of myself was wrapped up in those two little boys. Around noon, I would jostle myself out of my numbness and proceed to finally take a shower and get my day started. And I would then purposefully stay busy so I wouldn’t think about them too much.

Things haven’t changed much over time. Though I didn’t cry this year (which is the first time, actually and I think that’s mainly due to the fact that both kids are going to the same schools as last year so there wasn’t really any “surprises” to deal with), I’m still in my PJ’s and sort of “in a zone.” I’ve had these boys close to my heart strings for the past three months and now … nothing. Silence.

Dead, dead silence.

*sigh* I need to pull myself together and get this day started. I think I’ll treat myself to a few Krispy Kreme cinnamon buns and some Starbucks coffee and “The Girl’s Guide to NASCAR.” (Heh! Curious? Check back later and I’ll tell you why I wanted to buy this book).

Hey, it’s HARD WORK letting your children grow up.

And just think, in three short years, GD will graduate from high school and then I’ll REALLY have something to cry about!!

EDIT: I just finished signing about ten million syllabi and it sounds like the boys are going to be QUITE busy this year. However, I was PLEASANTLY surprised to find them in good spirits when I picked them up after their first day of school and I think (hope/pray) this is a good year for them. GD has his best buddy in a few classes and seems a lot more comfortable with school this year. He acts like he’s looking forward to learning about PhotoShop and studying Japanese.

MK is mentally preparing himself to play in band, jazz band and has already said he’s trying out for pep band (which requires 80% attendance at the school games!!) AND honors band. This is IN ADDITION to his other, regular classes.

Whew. I have a feeling I’m going to be putting quite a few miles on my car this year.

Here’s to a successful, and FUN, school year! *cheers!*