Category: Life

I finally made a decision regarding BlogHer.

First of all, thank you to everyone who took the time to take my poll (located in sidebar for you RSS readers). The results somewhat surprised me.

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YES 14% (4 votes)

NO 48% (14 votes)

MAYBE 0% (0 votes)

WHAT’S BLOGHER? 31% (9 votes)

Other: 7% (2 votes)
(comments being: “I wish!”
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For those 9 people that don’t know what BlogHer is:

BlogHer’s mission is to create opportunities for women who blog to pursue exposure, education, community and economic empowerment.

In essence, if you’re in the market to “sell” your blog to companies (put ads on your blog, promote products, etc.), then BlogHer is an organization that can help you to achieve that goal.

BlogHer has an annual conference – two days of networking, meeting potential advertisers, and of course, to meet other bloggers. This year, the conference is being held in Chicago …

Only an eight hour drive from where I live.

I toyed, I SERIOUSLY toyed, with the idea of going. I even talked to my husband and sold him on the idea of taking a mini-vacation at the end of July and I would attend the conference one day. He said okay.

So, I began researching. I looked at the conferences available. I read the descriptions. And I was a bit disappointed.

I don’t know what I expected. I mean after all, the sole purpose behind BlogHer is to introduce interested bloggers on how to market their blogs but still, I felt a little uneasy.

And then Blissdom and Mom 2.0 happened and I read a ton of posts about the events and that’s when I realized, attending one of these conferences would be a complete waste of time for me.

Please let me repeat that, for me.

And I started thinking about why I felt that way. I sat and stared out of the window for quite some time just running through the various conference scenarios in my head and the more I thought about it, the more I knew I simply would not belong.

The bottom line for me? I’m just not interested in marketing my blog. I don’t want ads. I don’t want to do reviews. I don’t want to actively sell myself to people. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you probably know why.

It’s. Just. Not. Me.

Now granted, this is my opinion. I am certainly not going to criticize anyone else who actively markets themselves, or does reviews. We all blog for different reasons. My reason is to journal my life and to put a little of my creative writing “out there.” I’ve never had grandiose ideas of becoming a famous blogger. I don’t even think I want to be a popular blogger; I simply want to stay true to myself.

But I enjoy making people laugh, so you will see an occasional goofy post because, again, that’s simply who I am – I’m a complete dork. And you will see an occasional giveaway because I honest to God enjoy giving things away. It’s my very small way of giving back to the community. It makes me all warm and gooey inside to bring a smile to someone’s face.

IF I were to EVER contemplate putting ads on my blog, or succumbing to a vendor’s demands, I would do it exactly like Ree does at The Pioneer Woman. I simply ADORE her. She’s humble. She’s sweet. She’s nice. She’s downright classy. Her posts are always about her family and her life. And her giveaways are impressive and huge and incredibly generous. She never begs for votes. And she’s reluctant to bring attention to her popularity, so much so that she just about didn’t mention that she was listed as one of the top 25 blogs in the The New York Times! Now that’s humility!

That’s EXACTLY how I would handle myself if I ever crossed that marketing threshold. And I’ve had offers to sell things here, but I’ve turned them down. It’s simply not an avenue I’m willing to pursue at this time.

So, I will not be attending BlogHer, or any other blog marketing conference because that’s simply not what I want. I’m content to be small potatoes. I’m happy not having to answer to guidelines and rules. I’m content to write what I want, when I want and answer to no one but myself.

But to those of you out there that ARE going to a blogging conference, good luck, have fun and I hope it’s everything you want it to be!

But here’s an idea, wouldn’t it be fun to have a blogger’s conference where the sole purpose was to simply meet one another? Sort of like speed dating only with bloggers! I would LOVE to meet the people behind my favorite blogs, to interview them, to take pictures with them, and to really get to know THEM, without all of this marketing jazz, you know? And I’d REALLY like to get to know area bloggers – people who actually live close enough to visit! Is there anything like that out there now? A blogging organization with local chapters? If so, I’d be interested in learning more about it!

One more thing, Lindsay, at Suburban Turmoil, wrote a really interesting post today that really sums up how I feel, exactly:

I don’t have a whole lot of time to spend on the Internet and I want to spend the time I do have writing, and making what I’ve already written better. Not promoting my brand. Not optimizing my blog for search engines. Not seeking out partnerships with corporations.

Lindsay then goes on to say in a newspaper column she writes for Nashville’s “The City Paper“:

It’s … hard not to feel like I’m dangerously close to exploiting my family for a taste of fame and fortune.

You took the words right out of my mouth, Lindsay, I feel the same way. And I think that’s the biggest reason I haven’t succumbed to ads and marketing ploys – I just don’t feel comfortable using my family as a springboard to extra income.

Even though I can understand other bloggers that do. I mean, heck, if one can stay home and make some money, especially with the way things are now, in our economy, why not, right?

Maybe I just need to adjust my way of thinking? It’s all so confusing.

Being debt-free is hard. One must be willing to make sacrifices, to be inconvenienced, to be patient, consistent, vigilant, and determined. It requires focus, discipline, time and planning.

But honestly, being debt-free is the only way to go. There is NOTHING like the peace of mind that comes with not having to worry if there is enough money to pay the bills or not.

Will there be enough to pay the mortgage? Will there be enough to make the car payment? The utility payment? And will there be enough left over to, you know, eat?

My folks did not have a lot of money when I was a child. There were times my mother only had $50 to last the entire month after all the other bills had been paid for, but somehow, she did it. We shopped at thrift stores, we ate day-old bread, we used coupons (religiously!), my mother made our clothes and we learned the value of stretching our dollars out as far as they could possibly go.

As a result, I’ve grown up cheap. And not afraid of a little hard work. And I’m so, so, SO thankful that my parents taught me to be responsible with my finances.

My parents taught me that if I don’t have the money for something, then don’t buy it. They taught me that when I had the money for something, did I REALLY need or want it? “Wait,” they said. “Don’t buy something on impulse, walk away and think about it. Give it 24-hours. If you still want it after 24-hours, THEN buy it.”

And you know what? Eight times out of ten, after waiting and analyzing whether I really needed/wanted the item, I found I simply didn’t. So, I didn’t buy it.

I’ve worked hard my entire life. I started out at a fast food restaurant and worked my way to junior management. I loved my job. I loved the sheer physical work and time went by so fast, and I made so many friends, that I didn’t really think about it being “work” after a while. When they wanted to promote me to senior management and move me to salary, I quit, because I was unwilling to have a company own me – as is sometimes the case when you move to salary.

Though I loved the management aspect of the job, I wasn’t sure the restaurant industry was what I wanted to spend my life doing. So, I bit the bullet (I was SO nervous!!), and applied at a bank. To my complete surprise, I was hired. I worked as a teller for many years (that’s where I met my husband), and then moved to consumer loans. Which I loved. That was such a challenge to me. I learned the blue book value of cars and discouraged customers from paying more for vehicles that would depreciate faster than they were worth. I loved the paperwork. And I enjoyed the people I worked with.

But the banking industry began to change and they started requiring us to sell more and selling is simply something I’m not good at, nor enjoy. I don’t enjoy trying to persuade people to buy something they neither want, nor need. That simply went against everything I believed. So, with great reluctance, I quit. I still miss it to this day.

But it was good timing. Because my first born son came along and I was starting to feel terribly guilty pawning him off on my grandmother-in-law (whose health was rapidly deteriorating) and I knew, in my gut, I simply could not handle placing him in the hands of strangers – I would fret and worry about him too much.

So, I stayed home. And then my second born son came along and when he was about six months old, I had had enough. Staying home all the time was driving me crazy. I felt claustrophobic and I completely lost sight of who I was. I was someone’s wife. I was two little munchkins’ mother, but where the heck did Karen go? I grew resentful and unhappy, and that put a huge strain on my marriage.

During our married time together, my husband had graduated from college, had passed the CPA exam (man, was that time period stressful, for both of us), had gotten a job at a public accounting firm and started making good money. We weren’t rich, but we were comfortable. When GD came along, my husband became very unhappy with his job, not because of the work (which he enjoyed), or the people, but because it required a lot of traveling on his part and he simply didn’t want to miss out on our children’s lives.

So, he quit. And went to work for a privately-owned company. And though he didn’t have to travel, he still had to put in long, STRESSFUL, hours. I WISH I could tell you just how stressful this time period was for Kevin, but of course, I can’t. Suffice it to say, that when you have a job where everything, everything, hinges on your decisions and actions and you’re responsible for the entire company succeeding or failing, it’s a BIT stressful. He lost a lot of weight. And all of this was happening during the time period that I was being selfish and stupid, which only added to his stress, honestly, I don’t know how the man survived.

But during all that time, I watched our money. I used coupons. I didn’t spend more than we could handle. We both drove old cars. We rented our first house and saved up enough money for a down payment to buy a house. And when we went house hunting, we did not look at anything we could not afford. Period.

Oh sure, we WANTED a big, nice, impressive, brick house, but we weren’t willing to pay $2,000 dollars a month. NOT to mention, we couldn’t AFFORD to pay $2,000 dollars a month. So, we didn’t look at them. We stuck with what we could afford. We were patient. We looked at a lot of houses before we settled on a ranch-style home, a little less than 2,000 square feet. It was nothing fancy, but it was comfortable.

And we still live in that same house today.

I went to work for Wal-Mart when GD was two and MK was six months old, for two reasons, actually. One, to get out of the house because I just needed something more than being a wife and mother (selfish, I know. But there you have it). And two, so we could pay off some bills. But again, I simply couldn’t leave my kids with a daycare, I simply could not do it. So, I worked nights. That way, I had the kids with me during the day, Kevin had the boys at night (which put additional stress on the man during a time period he DID NOT need it).

I worked the 6:00 p.m. to 2:00 a.m. shift. I started out part-time as a cashier, but because of my banking experience, management moved me to the cash office where I remained for seven, long, years, full-time. And when I say long, I don’t mean it was long because of Wal-Mart, everyone was great to me there and I really enjoyed the work and the people, but long as in, I ran on virtually no sleep for those seven, long years. I got home in the dead of night and then I was back up at seven (if I was lucky) every morning to take care of the kids.

Those seven years … wow. I can’t even describe to you the stress we endured in our marriage. I was tired all the time. I was cranky. I was irrational and then to top it off, I was listening to a bunch of bitter women at work who did nothing but bad-mouth their men that I allowed that to affect my attitude with my own relationship.

It’s a wonder that our marriage survived at all.

Oh, and did I mention that I also went to college on and off during that entire time period while the kids were in school? I had always dreamed of graduating from college. I wanted to feel like I had accomplished something in my life. I wanted to set a good example for our boys.

To say it was tough would be putting it mildly.

At the end of that seven-year stint with Wal-Mart, everything just became too much for me to handle. I finally quit and concentrated on getting through college. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Professional Writing in December, 2003.

And through that college experience, I learned how to build websites. And through a plea to volunteer to take over my sons’ elementary school website, I stumbled into my current job – designing and maintaining school websites.

My husband and I have endured a lot in our marriage. We have scratched, clawed, and cried our way to where we are now. But we’re stronger people because we didn’t give up. As a result of all of our hard work, we are debt free.

We never accepted any handouts. We never asked anyone for help. We did it on our own and hung on, even when our marriage was hanging by a thread, we persevered. Everything we have now is because we worked our asses off for it. And though we have more now than we have ever had, we’re still extremely careful about what we spend money on. And we make everything we have stretch to the near breaking point before we replace it – like our 15-year old carpet. Like our 33-year old furnace and water heater. Like t-shirts that get holes in them before we throw them out. Like appliances that simply quit working because they are so old. Like our ten plus year old cars (my husband’s truck is over ten years old, my car is a little over one year old, but I had driven all of my cars for no less than seven years before trading them in over the years).

I’m telling you all this because I get SO ANGRY when people start whining about not having this, or wanting that. It infuriates me when people expect something for nothing. I seethe whenever I hear people whine and complain about their financial situation and yet aren’t willing to make sacrifices in order to get out of debt (do they REALLY need that Blackberry? Or that SUV? Or the designer clothes? Or the house with the three-car garage? Are they even AWARE how much money the government takes out of their paycheck every week?)

Why do we feel entitled to something we haven’t worked for? Why? Why do people feel so envious of others? Do they know the stress and hardships those people have endured to get where they are? That’s like hating a woman because she’s too thin – do they realize how much time is required to look like that??

It’s all about sacrifices, working hard and taking responsibility for our lives. Everyone has a choice – they can either do it, or not. Sure, it’s easier for some given their backgrounds and situations, and yes, that sucks and it’s not fair, but is that a reason to give up? It’s just another reason to work harder.

And if people are not willing to work harder, and make those sacrifices to reach whatever level they want, then by God, stop bitching about it.

I’m sorry to go on and on about this; I don’t mean to sound preachy. I hadn’t intended to write this much, but this is something I feel very strongly about because I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to have nothing, to be frustrated, to be mind-numbing tired. And I’m more than prepared to go through it all again if I have to. And if we have to trim the fat from our lives, again, in order to be debt free, then by golly, we’ll do it.

But I won’t apologize for what we have or how we live our lives now because we’ve earned it through our sweat and blood to achieve it.

I’ve included the below video on how to become debt free. I thought it had some pretty powerful advice and thought it might help those out there that are willing to make the sacrifices to get out of the debt choke-hold.

Thanks for reading.

… so when I don’t post one, two, three (!) articles for the day, something must be wrong, right?

Wrong. Even when I’m feeling conflicted, or have a lot on my mind, I’ll write about it. Why? Because that’s simply who I am. It helps me work through things by writing about them. A lot of times, you’ll be privy to my thoughts, other times, I’ll write a private post because whatever is going on in my life is just too private to share with the rest of the world.

But once in a while, once in a blue moon, there will be times I simply do not have anything to say. There will be times that I sit down at the computer, my fingers poised above the smooth, worn keys, and … nothing happens. I will sit there and watch the dreaded cursor tease and taunt me with every hateful blink.

Like yesterday, for example.

I tried, on several occasions, to write something. The morning steadily ticked by and try as I might, I simply could not make myself type anything. I was completely blank, absolutely spent, I simply could not tear one word from my convoluted soul.

It was a very strange feeling. Normally, the only way to shut me up is to plaster duct tape over my mouth. But yesterday … nothing. Silence.

I got up, did some household chores, thought of something to talk about, sat back down, pulled out my keyboard and …

nothing.

I got back up, put some laundry in, checked on the boys (they were off for President’s Day), thought of something funny to share with you, sat back down, pulled out my keyboard and …

nothing.

All the while, the minutes were ticking by. Soon, the morning was gone and I began to sweat. How could I NOT post something? What was wrong with me?

It’s very frustrating to WANT to write but you simply CAN’T write.

Finally, around one o’clock, I simply gave up. Screw it, I thought. Is it really the end of the world if I DON’T post something? Sheesh. Get over yourself, I thought to myself.

So, I did. And instead, I Twittered bits and pieces of my day. And it felt GREAT to simply step back and breathe a bit.

My unintentional day off was very much needed. I think I’ll start doing that more often.

I have a lot of little things on my mind right now …

The dog issue. *sigh* I know. You’re getting sick of hearing about it, I’m getting sick of typing about it, but it’s a pretty serious issue with us right now so …

Let’s back track a bit …

Kevin is really busy at work right now. For those that don’t know, he’s the CFO for a company and the beginning of the year is always crazy busy for him because of year-end paperwork and new year projections. To make sure he’s staying on top of his game, he tends to work the weekends this time of year.

So, he’s working this past weekend. On Valentine’s Day. Yes, it sucks. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do, right?

And being the good wife that I am, I met him for lunch. We ate at Panera Bread. I had the “You pick Two”: Bacon Turkey Bravo and Potato Soup. My two favorite dishes.

But that’s neither here nor there.

After lunch, we had a little time to kill before he needed to go back so we went to an animal shelter. Care Rescue, to be exact, to look at the dogs.

Before we even walked into the door, Kevin warned me, “Now, it’s going to stink. So, you know, prepare yourself.”

“I’m not stupid,” I responded, though not unkindly. I knew what he was doing – he was trying to mentally prepare me for not only the overwhelming stench of the enclosed animals, but for the sheer stench of desperation that permeates every nook and cranny at animals shelters such as these.

I hadn’t been in a shelter for oh gosh, years. And I can’t even tell you WHY I was in the last one – the memory is so fuzzy. But I sort of knew what to expect, so I grit my teeth and trudged forward.

I was prepared for the smell, however, I was NOT prepared for the sheer sadness of these animals.

The guy at the front desk was very friendly. He told us that their “stock” was pretty low, that most of their animals had been adopted and most of their cages were empty.

I was very happy to hear this. Not because I thought Great! We probably won’t be bringing home an animal today, but rather, Great! That means the animals had found forever families and that they were being care for.

This thought only served to magnify the pitiful state of the remaining animals. These animals were left behind.

It is so hard to try and describe what I was feeling as I walked past the mostly empty cages. The lonely animals they had left simply didn’t have the desire to even look at us as we walked past. They just laid on the floor of their dirty cages, their heads on their skinny paws and sighed. They simply did not have any hope left. Their spirits had been broken. I could feel a compassionate lump forming in the back of my throat. These poor, poor, unwanted animals.

I blinked back tears, but I held my ground. It didn’t take us long to walk through since there were so few dogs left. Most of them were way too big for us, or they were the wrong breed (judging by the mixture), so I was disappointed, but not surprised.

We were walking out, and I was clearing my throat, desperately trying to keep my emotions in check when we happened upon the last dog. He was sitting bolt upright and he was looking right at us. His expression was so hopeful, my brave, I’m-not-going-to-cry facade simply disintegrated. My heart ripped open and when I saw a cheerful, yellow card tacked to his cage that said, “LOOK at me! I’ve been here the longest” and the dog’s pitiful, begging expression, I lost it.

I stumbled back to the front, gave the guy a watery smile and a weak wave, and as soon as I stepped out of the door, my face crumbled and I simply started crying. My God, it was so, so, SO sad; I just couldn’t take it. My heart literally hurt – that poor, sweet dog.

It took me a moment to regain control of my emotions. Kevin had gotten into the car with me and when I glanced over at him, he had tears in his eyes, too. We didn’t speak for long moments but when I could finally find my voice again I said, “I can’t do that again. I just can’t handle that. It breaks me.”

He sadly nodded in agreement. That night, I prayed that that lonely, sad dog would find a loving home.

The guy did tell us that every weekend, Pet Smart hosted rescue dogs, so we went over to Pet Smart to look at more dogs. This time, I was able to handle it because the dogs were just being … dogs. We didn’t see anything we liked (that sounds so cruel to reduce animals to nothing more than merchandise, doesn’t it?) and left.

Sunday, our doorbell rang and one of the fence guys that Kevin called came by to give us an estimate on how much it would cost to fence in our backyard – $4,300.00. Kevin about had a coronary. He’s now thinking he’s not willing to pay that much to fence in our yard and perhaps we should forget all about this dog thing.

And just as I was getting used to the idea of this dog thing.

We were eating Nachos Supreme at dinner last night when GD suggested we get the Table Conversation cards out.

For those that don’t know, Table Conversation cards are just that – they are cards with questions on them designed to start a conversation.

And our boys love them.

It’s really hard to find a common ground with your children when they reach their teenage years. So having something like these cards on hand are really handy because it gives everyone a chance to, well, talk. And you know they MUST be cool whenever your 16-year old son ASKS for them, right?

So, we got them out last night and we started talking. It’s so cool to hear the boys verbalize their thoughts and feelings about things. I mean, they’re boys, so they don’t really elaborate, but we’ve certainly learned more about them from these cards than we ever have by simply having a regular interrogation conversation cold turkey.

One of the questions, “What would you like to change about your relationship with your family?” was a real eye-opener for me.

Kevin said, “I’d like to work less and spend more time with my family.”

Aww.

GD said, “I wish mom would stop yelling at me so much.”

And MK said, “I wish mom would stop cursing. It REALLY BUGS me when she does that.”

Ouch.

I was not surprised by their answers. I was not hurt by their answers, for what they said was absolutely true – I DO yell at GD too much and I DO curse like a bitter whore when I’m upset and/or ticked off.

I was, however, sick to my stomach by what they were saying. There is nothing like a huge slice of humble pie to ground a person, let me tell you.

I apologized to the boys, again. I explained that I’m only human, though that’s really no excuse. I was trying, really hard, to chill out about things and I hope I was making progress.

To my utter relief, they agreed.

These Table Conversation cards have been a catalyst to some pretty interesting, and heart-felt conversations in our house. And even though they are a bit expensive, they have been worth every penny.

In fact, I just ordered the Teen Edition and in fact, I’ll probably go ahead and order the Family Edition, too.

IN FACT, I think I’ll even give some Table Conversation cards away on this blog because that’s how much I love you guys. Stick around. 🙂

This morning was a pretty good morning. Considering the kids had to go back to school after having yesterday off because of President’s Day – they were both in pretty good moods. AND the fact that they both got their hair cut yesterday, as well. (They are usually pretty cranky for a few days after a hair cut because they’re all like, “I look like an idiot! It’s so freaking short!” And “OMG, this totally blows!”)

GD checked his grades before we took off this morning. And he was BEAMING. He was GLOWING. He couldn’t stop smiling!! Which is really weird for a moody 16-year old boy at 7:00 o’clock in the morning and on his way to school after a three-day weekend.

He found out how he did on his Geometry test: 87%.

EIGHTY-SEVEN percent!!!!! On a MATH TEST!!!!!! That’s a HIGH B, folks!!

I was soooo proud of him!! And he was soooo proud of himself! And Kevin was soooo proud of him!! This was a big deal. And OMG, the boy needed this shot of confidence. He held his head up high and he actually didn’t hesitate to get out of the car and walk into school today.

GOD IS WONDERFUL, PEOPLE!!! GD prayed and handed over his anxieties to God and he worked and studied and did his very best on the test and guess what, he did very well.

This may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but math has been GD’s Achilles’ heel all throughout his scholastic career. He’s struggled, he’s yelled, he’s been angry, he’s cried all over this subject. So, to see him do so well on HARD MATERIAL (because even my accountant husband is like scratching his head on some of this stuff), he did it. ON. HIS. OWN.

I’m bursting with pride, can you tell? 😀

I told GD that if he got a B on his math test, I would buy him a funky hat like his brother’s (he hadn’t gotten one for himself because he was unwilling to pay the $10, which is half the price of the hat, of his own money). I can not WAIT to buy him that hat.

And I’m done. And I think you’re caught up now and wow, did I not TELL you that I rarely shut up? *grin*