Category: Life

I’m a passionate person.

But I don’t think I’m really that passionate on my blog.

I try to be politically correct and look at a situation from all angles. I have friends (hi friends!) and family (hi family!) who read my blog, so that accountability is always, ALWAYS, in the back of my mind whenever I post something here.

But I have found myself becoming a bit more passionate, a bit more preachy, a bit more opinionated these past several weeks and I’m not sure why.

Well actually, I think I do know why: I’m losing patience with people in general and our imperfect government specifically. I’m frustrated, worried, scared, and angry with the direction our country seems to be headed.

This current administration has just served to be the fuse that has lit my opinionated explosive. I was just as passionate about how things were run with past administrations but the only thing that kept my outbursts under control was the fact that I could agree with some of what was happening.

I haven’t been able to agree with many things since Obama took office.

The fact that the Republican party doesn’t really have a spokesperson through all of this frustration is the core reason the Tea Parties even took place yesterday. People are frustrated. And they (we) feel hopeless. No one person is taking a stand and saying, “Hey there, whoa cowboy. Don’t you think we’re moving too fast? Don’t you think pouring all of this money into the economy is going to make things worse in the long run?”

But no one appears to be doing that. At least, no one Washington is listening to.

I made the mistake of following the hastag #teaparty on Twitter yesterday. There were some really good responses to what was happening around our country, but the majority of responses disappointed me.

The sheer number of people who CHOSE to focus on the wrong things and compare this protest to something disgusting like the whole tea bagging thing (look it up in an urban dictionary if you don’t know what that means) or who resorted to insults simply because they didn’t have an intelligent thing to add to the controversy, was alarming. The fact that so many people simply didn’t get WHY the protests were even happening to begin with was disturbing.

Is our country really that dense? Truly?

For those out there that honestly didn’t know what the issues were behind the Tea Party protest, let me enlighten you.

Five Reasons behind the Tea Party:

1. We don’t mind paying reasonable taxes, but we don’t believe our wealth should be “spread around” in the manner Congress and the President are proposing.

2. We believed Democrats when they spent the past eight years criticizing President Bush for deficit spending, and we are upset that in just over three months President Obama, along with Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, have tripled the deficit.

3. We believe the “Stimulus” bill contained too much pork and not enough stimulus. We believed candidate Obama when he promised to reduce earmarks and reform the earmark process, then were outraged when he signed a bill containing thousands of earmarks.

4. We oppose the current bailout mentality and oppose the bailouts, both past and future. We not only fear the amount of debt funding the bailouts adds to your children and grandchildren, but fear the exercise of control the government is exerting over those it “bails out.”

5. We believe businesses should not be under attack by the United States government, especially during a tough economy and we oppose increased government control of the private sector. We don’t believe the way to promote and encourage strong businesses and entrepreneurial spirit is to attack CEOs for taking bonuses the government had already approved and then tax those who did not return them at 90 percent. We don’t believe the President should be asking for the resignation of the CEO of General Motors or any other American company. We don’t believe the President should be capping the salaries of American executives or of any other American working in the private sector. We don’t believe the President of the United States should be guaranteeing our car warranty.

In essence, the government is driving for more control, which if left unchecked, would result in a socialist country.

And history proves, socialism does not work. It can’t, and won’t work, for our country, either.

The right is not OPPOSED to taxes. (Please read that sentence again). The right is OPPOSED to over-taxing, gross and negligent spending, and too much government control.

The protests are not about Democrats vs. Republicans. The protests were about trying to retain the core values of this country. It was about protesting the new direction and changes that are taking place at alarming speeds. It was about making our voices heard – for this country is about US, not about our GOVERNMENT.

When people resort to insults and try and distract others with inconsequential (and disturbing) issues/jokes, it only proves that there is a percentage of our population that honestly doesn’t understand what is happening around them. So, to compensate for that confusion, they allow their anger and frustration to manifest itself into stupidity.

And I read / witnessed A LOT of stupidity yesterday, from BOTH sides of the Tea party fence.

The bottom line is, we need to find a happy medium, something we can all (somewhat) agree upon. I think our current administration wants to do the right thing, I just think they are trying to control the situation instead of guiding our situation down a more fair, and proven, path.

I have no intentions of turning this blog into a political arena. But I won’t suppress issues I feel strongly about simply because it’s not politically correct or it makes readers uncomfortable.

I can not, and will not, passively sit by and watch our country be turned upside down and left for our children to deal with.

THAT is simply not right, no matter what side of the fence you sit on.

___________________________

There are several reasons why I am pleased that Jazz is listening to Dr. Laura’s radio program with me …

Yes, I listen to Dr. Laura.

No, I don’t listen to her every day.

No, I don’t make Jazz listen with me. I have it turned on while I’m cooking dinner and I’ve found Jazz, on more than one occasion, “hanging” out around the radio and listening to what she says. He’s curious, and that’s healthy.

And yes, I get just as impatient with her as the rest of you. In fact, I wrote a disclaimer about the reasons I feel compelled to talk (validate) Dr. Laura on my blog.

I like what the woman has to say. I’m not always crazy with the WAY she chooses to go about saying it, but overall, I think people need to listen, and learn, from the woman.

People often miss Dr. Laura’s point – it’s not about Dr. Laura’s methods, or her arrogance, or her theatrics, it’s about what she has to SAY that’s important.

But back to the reasons I encourage Jazz (or both boys, if Dude is nearby) to listen to her with me:

1. I hope it will teach him the importance of choosing a girlfriend / mate.

2. It opens a doorway for discussions about relationships in general.

3. It’s a learning opportunity to talk about the excuses and reasons people give to avoid their own responsibility for a given situation – that it’s important to be honest with oneself.

Very important.

Let’s backtrack a bit …

Easter Sunday, I’m catching up with family. I’ve learned that one of my nephews has a new girlfriend (or is it his FIRST girlfriend? It’s a big foggy). My SIL is quite pleased with his choice. But she told me that there were several other girls in his past that she thought would have made a fine match for her son.

Only, my nephew wasn’t interested in them.

Why? Because they didn’t meet his criteria.

Have I mentioned this is the nephew who self-taught himself how to make flash websites and went on to nab a high-paying website designer job, without going to college (a topic for another post) and is now making more money than is normal for a 21-year old boy?

Yeah, the kid is smart.

Not just in his career choice, but in his relationships, too.

I have no idea what his list of criteria is, and frankly, it’s none of my business, but the fact that he has a list at all impressed me.

Hearing about his new girlfriend, and a few things that attracted her to him in the first place got me thinking about my own boys … and what exactly, if anything, do they want in a future girlfriend / mate?

I’m sure they haven’t thought about it at this point (or if they have, I certainly don’t know anything about it), but it’s something I HOPE they seriously think about – soon.

Making out a list of charasteristics sounds a bit dry when it comes to something so … romantic, but let’s be realistic, when the shine of romance wears off, what’s left?

Well let’s hope there is enough common ground to keep the relationship going.

And just to put this out there, I have no intentions of encouraging my boys to only “seriously” date. I think they should date several women (not at once!) and play the field – experiment with different types of women, sample the various feminine wares and THEN decide what they want.

After all, that’s the reason behind dating, right?

But along with those experiences, I think it’s a good idea to have a list of core requirements. Relationships are hard enough without the added strain of disagreements on life fundamentals.

I had that list of criteria, I just wasn’t consciously aware of it at the time.

For example:

It was important to me to find someone who had the following values / characteristics:

• 1. Same religious beliefs. (Which was pretty open-ended at that time period in my life. I knew I didn’t want to belong to a denomination, but at the same time, the man I chose HAD to believe, and respect, God).
• 2. Same political beliefs.
• 3. Sexual chemistry. (I plan on devoting another post to this very topic).

4. A sense of humor and a willingness to laugh at oneself from time to time.

• 5. Selflessness – not afraid to give more than take.
• 6. Must be courteous. It’s hard to respect an indivdiual when that individual doesn’t take other people into account.
• 7. Must be smart AND have common sense. Being (consistently) flaky is a HUGE turn off for me.
• 8. Must have a positive outlook on life. The NUMBER ONE way to get on my nerves in 0.2 seconds? Be doom and gloom and/or feel (consistently) sorry for oneself. Hate that.
• 9. Must have goals – both short-term, and long-term, a real go-getter.
• 10. Must be compassionate. There is a time to be stubborn and hard-nosed, and there’s a time NOT to be.

This list, of course, describes my husband perfectly. 🙂

I plan on sharing my list with my boys. I don’t, however, expect them to have the same criteria. They are their own individuals and they won’t really know what they want until they start dating, but core expectations, from the starting gate, is probably wise.

I joke with the boys that IF / WHEN they bring a girl home to meet us, she must have a sense of humor, (I simply don’t know what to do with a person who can’t/won’t laugh at life), must not be loud or obnoxious and she must not be a nag and/or bitchy. I mean, we laugh and they know I’m kidding …

only, I’m sort of not. THAT is the criteria I’ve tentatively set out for myself when it comes to accepting a potential daughter-in-law, but please, I’m not SO inflexible that I will refuse to like a person simply because she doesn’t fit my particular mold.

I’m not that mean.

No, I just mean that is the criteria I hope to have in a future daughter-in-law – I will make an honest, and heartfelt attempt to get along with any personality that my boys bring home.

After all, she is the one my son wants. She is the one my son has decided he can live with. What I want, or think, doesn’t really matter.

But for now, at this moment in their lives, when they are on the threshold of becoming romantically involved with a girl, I think it’s important to teach them that it’s not only okay to have a list of criteria, it’s probably a good idea. It’s important to find a woman who will complement him, not complete him.

On a side note:

Here is the video that got me thinking about this topic today. Be patient, he’s sort of brown-nosing Dr. Laura (what do you expect, he works for her), but what caught my attention was what this young man learned, about himself, and about relationships. This got me to thinking about what sorts of things my boys are learning about relationships in general.

And I’m hoping they will be as willing to be as honest with themselves as this young man is with himself.

So, we’re eating dinner the other night and I ask the boys what they think about the names I call them on this blog: GD and MK.

GD is okay with his nickname, but MK, not so much.

“What does MK stand for again?” he asks.

“Mushroom King,” I respond.

He vehemently shakes his head. “I don’t like it.”

“But why?” I ask. “You like everything to do with Mario.”

“Yeah, I like Mario, but Mushroom King sounds like I’m a drug dealer or something. People might get the wrong idea.”

Actually, I hadn’t thought of that.

So, I’d like to officially change MK’s nickname. From now on, my youngest son will be known as Jazz. Because as my youngest son says, “Jazz is my life.” (HA! It cracks me up when he says that).

And since I’m making a change to my youngest son’s name, I should be fair and change my oldest son’s nickname, too.

Actually, I’d rather change GD’s name anyway. Every time I type GD I always think of God d*mn and it makes me uncomfortable.

So, from here on out, GD will be known as Dude. Because we’re constantly saying things like, “Dude, go brush your teeth.”

Or

“Dude, cheer up.”

Or

“Dude, go to bed already.”

Kevin thinks I should just call them by their real names. But I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I don’t want to do that because I don’t want someone to Google their names later in life and find something that might embarrass them or hinder them in some way.

So, Dude and Jazz it is. It fits them. 🙂

Here’s another video of Dude, Jazz, and Kevin at the dinner table. We’re doing another one of those Table Topic cards because it’s the only way we can coax the boys to talk to us.

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I’ve never really experienced grief. I’ve been very, very fortunate – no one close to me has died.

Yet.

So when I read about other bloggers who lose their babies suddenly, and without reason, I’m not sure what to say. I can’t imagine the terrible grief Heather and Mike Spohr are going through. I can’t even fathom losing a child. I’m simply incapable of even drumming up the concept of such a great and tragic loss.

What an absolutely horrific time they must be going through.

If you don’t know, Heather and Mike Spohr’s 17-month old daughter, Madeline Alice, died Tuesday, April 7th. She developed a nasty cough that wouldn’t go away and when they took her to her doctor, her oxygen levels were dangerously low. So low, they had to rush her to the emergency room.

She died only hours later.

Madeline was born 11 weeks early. And because she was so early, she had many, many complications. But Maddie fought, and she overcame many, many obstacles. Her life story is about courage, love and determination … and it will touch your soul.

I knew who Maddie was. I had seen her picture and had read about her struggles. I did not know Maddie, or her parents, personally.

So, given I am not familiar with grief and do not know the Spohr’s personally, I am hesitant to write about their situation.

But I feel compelled, largely due to the fact that I know what it’s like to have a premature baby.

GD was born eight weeks early. And though he didn’t NEARLY have the problems that little Maddie did, he lived under an oxygen tent for the first week of his life because his lungs hadn’t developed. I know what it’s like to be on top of the world one day, only to plunge into the depths of Hades the next day.

There is absolutely no way I can describe the level of emotions that one goes through while watching his/her precious baby fight for his/her life.

I simply can’t. Unless you’ve been there, you just can’t know the heart-gripping fear that your baby won’t survive the night. So, you don’t leave. And you wash your hands so many times to prevent your baby from catching any germs from you that they turn into raw hamburger before your very eyes.

But it doesn’t matter. Because it’s crucial that you get near enough to your baby that you can touch, and talk, to him.

I know. Dear God in heaven, I know.

Learning about Maddie’s death has been hard on me. Reading about her history, and watching her struggle through so many battles just opens up that old wound of when GD was fighting for his life. That emotional roller coaster … it’s just not something you want anyone to ride.

I don’t plan on writing anything more about Maddie – I simply don’t feel like it’s my place to say anything, I feel like I’m encroaching on precious territory, but I would like to show my support by turning my blog purple for a while. If you would also like to go purple, you can find instructions on how to do that here. Or, feel free to use the background graphic you see here on your own blog – you’re more than welcome to it.

In addition, the color code of the above background graphic matches the color in Maddie’s March of Dimes badge you see in my sidebar. The code is: #8C56A4 in case you just wish to make your background purple.

Or, Heather and Mike have asked that in lieu of flowers, you contribute to the March of Dimes in memory of Madeline Alice Spohr.

March for Maddie will be live very soon. You can also follow the site’s progress on Twitter @marchformaddie.

Rest in peace, precious girl.