Category: Life

I was a difficult child to raise.

I was obstinate, stubborn and quite defiant.

And yet, my mother never gave up on me.

She took everything in stride.

I was her firstborn, her experiment, her exasperation. I was the child who would not be tamed.

She feels like she made some mistakes with me. I feel like I took advantage of her good nature – we’ve since apologized to each other for past regrets.

We are good friends today.

I never thought of myself as a mother. I was content to simply concentrate on my future, on being a wife, on having a partner and on having fun. Children were great, I thought, as long as they belonged to someone else.

But then my boys came along …

… and suddenly, my perspective changed. My whole world was turned upside down and I was left caring for these incredible, intelligent little boys who looked to me for guidance.

And my heart nearly burst with a strange and fierce new love.

I was terrified, and yet, I was ready for the responsibility. I made so many mistakes. But I’m confident I also had many more triumphs. Being their mother hasn’t been easy – in fact, it’s been a physical and emotional roller coaster – but it’s always been satisfying. My sons arrived in this world each holding one half of my heart in their tiny, plump fists and they haven’t let go.

And I daresay, I hope they never will.

Dude was a sweet boy who desperately wanted my approval. He was a fairly easy child to take care of – unless he didn’t get his way. And there were times I had to simply force myself to shrug off his tantrums and walk away because I couldn’t trust myself to control my own temper. We’ve clashed over many, many things and I think it’s mainly because we’re so much alike – he’s a carbon copy of what I COULD be. I’ve had to learn to pick my battles with Dude, and he’s learned different and unique ways of manipulating me. He is my strong, quiet, introspective son and he holds the left side of my heart.

Jazz was a difficult baby. He was never happy with anything I tried and it wasn’t until he became mobile that he really started settling down and being content with life. He was a baby on the go and his tendency to jump into situations, feet first, has gotten him into trouble, and lost, several times. He was, and still is, oblivious to his surroundings because his head is in the clouds and he finds it difficult to focus. I’ve had to learn to be his eyes and his shield to the outside world and me and Dude work together to make sure he’s kept safe – from himself. He is my loud, friendly, creative son and he holds the right side of my heart.

These boys are the reason I am who I am today. I’ve worked hard at raising them to be kind, considerate, responsible and loving individuals

I am a better person because of my sons.

Thank you for making me your mother.

I am proud.

I am humbled.

It was time to go. The weather was damp, but it wasn’t actually raining for once.

I was relieved.

I get cranky when it’s raining and I’m trying to maintain a fresh-dressed look. When my hair gets wet, it turns into the texture of limp straw and even though I always wear waterproof mascara, it always seems to smudge when it’s damp, leaving me looking like a surprised raccoon in the middle of rummaging for dinner.

And I wanted to look nice for our family outing.

I was a tad worried – were we dressed up enough? Would we look like beggars looking for a handout when standing next to the beautiful theater people? Whenever I think of the theater I think of the red carpet where everyone is dripping with sparkly accessories and glowing a burnt-orange color from their spray-on tans.

I needn’t have worried – everyone was casual.

Perhaps too much so. I was a little disappointed that people weren’t a little more dressed up simply because we do something like this so infrequently that making it a special occasion by admiring well-dressed people would have made it feel a little more … special somehow.

We met my in-laws there. My sister and brother-in-law also showed up, so it truly was a family affair. The biggest reason we decided to go to the play was because my nephew was acting in it and considering he’s been busy seriously acting for the past few years and we’ve never once seen him, we were starting to feel just a bit guilty by not offering our support for something he loved doing.

His face lit up when we talked to him afterwards and he seemed pleased that we had shown up.

Or he was acting like he was pleased.

Either way, I’m glad we went.

The play?

The Buddy Holly Story.

We sat in the balcony. My SIL requested the tickets and she apologized for the seats, but I actually prefer to sit up high – I appreciate the bird’s eye view of everything from up above.

The boys weren’t sure how to act. Jazz sat next to me and refused to remove his jacket and Dude sat in the seat in front of me and looked stiff as a board. He sat with his back very straight and his hands balled into fists resting on his thighs. My heart actually hurt for his discomfort. Poor Dude – he just hasn’t quite reached that point where he’s comfortable in his own skin yet.

He did loosen up a bit at intermission, after he worked up the courage to actually stand up and stretch his legs. He resumed his robot-like behavior though once the show started again.

I think Jazz was fascinated by the entire thing – the theater, which is 100 years old this year, is an elaborate, ornate building that simply oozes charm and the audience’s energetic and appreciative attitude was interesting to absorb. In some respects, I think he was itching to go on stage – not to be one of the actors but to be a part of the band that was playing behind a sheer curtain at the back of the stage.

The play itself was good, though I would have preferred a bit more acting and less music. My three guys all thought it was excellent and liked the top-heavy musical productions. The actor who played Buddy Holly was simply phenomenal. He cut and permed his hair and with the trademark black glasses and wonderful voice, he did indeed look a lot like the original Buddy Holly.

It was only the production’s second night so they had some technical issues, but overall, they all did a wonderful job. It was quite a treat to be transformed to a more innocent age and I think the juxtaposition of that time era when compared to today was a valuable lesson in and of itself.

I honestly think the boys had a good time. We talked about it in the car on the way home and though they only recognized one song, I think it opened up a whole new world that they hadn’t been exposed to before.

This really makes me want to take them to the high school’s spring production if for no other reason than to continue to expose them to the arts.

It’s time like these that I realize I’m dropping the ball on my mom duties by NOT introducing more diverse entertainment opportunities like this.

I found a promotional video of “The Buddy Holly Story” if you would care to watch it. It’s a bit long, but if you will forward to the 2:21 spot, you can watch my nephew talk about his experiences with community theater. (In fact, he’s the blond kid on the left in the thumbnail).

Have you been to a live production lately?

Howdy ho, neighbors!

It’s Monday once again and hello?! Where did the weekend go?

I spent the majority of Saturday walking around in a dead zone – have you ever been so tired you felt like you were living in a dream world? Only it’s reality? And you’re hoping that whatever you said won’t be held against you because you can’t remember what it was that you said??

Did that make sense?

I spent the majority of Sunday first crying my eyes out, then angrily tossing out nearly every article of clothing in my closet, then spending an insane amount of time online trying to find t-shirts that would actually flatter my football shoulders.

It wasn’t easy.

But I’ll talk a bit more about that tomorrow.

In the meantime, I’d like to share two videos that I took of Kevin’s band, Midnite Thunder, at their performance at The Outland Friday night.

(Kevin is the cutie on the left in the blue t-shirt. He’s the guitar player in the below videos).

The guys sounded great and The Outland people liked them, so hopefully, this means they’ll be able to play there again.

Here’s a video of their song Keep Your Hands to Yourself.

I thought the older couple dancing were too cute. And I thought the girls doing their dance thing was also pretty cool.

This video is their song On the Dark Side. It was getting pretty late about this time (midnight) and the people dancing were drunk, but they were fun to watch. The part where the guy stands in front of Kevin and does the whole WOO-HOO bit was really funny. It also gave Kevin a HUGE ego boost.

I honestly didn’t want to go to this. It’s been YEARS since I’ve set foot in a bar and I wasn’t exactly looking forward to sitting out in the audience, by myself, and breathing second-hand smoke, but it actually turned out to be okay because I got to talking to the drummer’s wife (really nice woman – we could be friends!) and then my in-laws, and my sister and brother-in-law showed up (which was weird, but whatever), so I had other people to talk to.

They played on the square, which is in the oldest part of town and I was SHOCKED to see it was PACKED. Not the place they played, but the square in general. I had no idea the square was such a party place.

I ended up leaving around midnight (they played until 1:00) and my in-laws walked me back to my car (which I’m sort of glad they did – there were a lot of weird/drunk people milling around by that time). Kevin made it home about 2ish and we stayed up until 2:30 a.m. rehashing the night together.

I could tell, by his sparkling eyes, that he LOVED playing in front of people and has really missed doing that over the years. I have a feeling this is the tip of the iceberg for him and I see many more late nights for me.

I didn’t drink anything. I was going to get a vodka collins but I decided against it when my in-laws showed up – that just would have been too weird. But if he continues to land these gigs, then all bets are off.

The only part I didn’t really like was staying out that late and breathing all of that smoke. I actually had a smoker’s cough all-day Saturday and I’m not used to staying out that late so I was pretty much a zombie all day Saturday.

But it was fun and Kevin really enjoyed himself so it was worth it.

I have nervous knots of anxiety in my stomach right now.

And I can’t wait for tonight to be over with.

Can. Not. Wait.

Kevin has a gig tonight. He’s playing at a bar and is scheduled to perform with his band, Midnite Thunder, at 10:30.

Which is WAAAY past our bedtime. (But we’re old geezers, after all).

AND, the bar is downtown, which is not the safest place to be late at night ON a Friday night.

I’m going, even though he says I don’t have to.

I’m tempted to take his excuse as my way out. But I’ll go. And I’ll cheer him on and take pictures/video of his performance.

Because that’s what you do when you love someone.

I’m nervous for him, not me. He hasn’t played in front of a live audience in 18 months. He’s rusty and HE’S nervous, which makes ME nervous.

What if they don’t like the band?

What if they don’t like HIM?

How will I react to that?

How will he handle it?

He’s very sensitive. Especially when it comes to his music. And though he claims he can handle the criticism, I know better. It really bothers him when he thinks people don’t:

A. like him.

or

B. think he’s less than he is.

I blame his upbringing for his insecure nature. And it makes me angry with certain people in his family for these hurtful lessons, but it also makes me more determined than ever to BE there for him and help him through not only this gig, but future gigs as well.

Break a leg, darling.

Update: We arrived at the venue on time, unfortunately, their sound guy didn’t show up until after 10:00 p.m. …

and they were scheduled to play at 10:00.

After running through the tests, they finally started playing at 10:30.

The musicians did great, the singer … well, she was a bit shrill at times. In fact, I can recall two different occasions that my brain actually rattled in my skull. But overall, the guys sounded tight and right on key.

I ended up talking to the drummer’s wife until my in-laws arrived. I was a bit apprehensive about them showing up, this was downtown on a Friday night after all (think mini-Mardi Gras) so there were some, um, interesting characters running around and the lead singer was a bit, um, risque in her act so there were uncomfortable moments, but overall, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

The place wasn’t busy, in fact, it downright thinned out at midnight when they took their break. But Kevin told me this morning that after we left, the place filled up (of course) and there was quite a bit of dancing.

He said the owner of the bar liked them and they actually made some pretty decent money when it was said and done (Kevin refuses to take any money – he gives it back to the band leader to he.p pay for the cost of equipment) and it’s likely they will play there again.

My sister and brother-in-law showed up later, which I thought was really nice of them. I think the support really helped boost Kevin’s performance and there was only one time I thought his rhythm was off, but his solos were spot on and I could tell he was having a blast.

Which is really WHY he’s doing this – because he enjoys playing music.

I’ll share a few videos and pictures soon.