Author: Karen

(Apparently, I’m over my “hide from the world” funk. *grin*)

I mentioned that my in-laws came over to visit Sunday.

And while catching up on family news, they mentioned that one of my nephews, M, had just gotten back from visiting his girlfriend …

… his Internet girlfriend …

… in Canada …

… for the first time, even though they had been chatting online via Skype for months.

Does anyone find that strange?

I have to tell you , I don’t.

Well, I was a little surprised that M went all the way to Canada to meet her simply because it’s Canada – hello! That’s a long way away. And M is only what, 19?

But the fact that he met someone special over the ‘net? I’m not all that surprised.

I’m about 90% certain that if I wasn’t married, that if I hadn’t met Kevin when I did and I didn’t have a significant other in my life today, I would most likely be one of those people who wasted boo-coo hours on the ‘net chatting, and flirting, with men. To me, it makes perfect sense.

First of all, it’s convenient. You don’t have to worry about looking your best, or if that huge pimple on the tip of your nose will be a turn off, or in my case, if the three inch scar in the middle of my forehead will cause a man to run screaming from the room (what, you didn’t notice my scar in the video memes? Look closer – see how my left eyebrow is sort of divided in half? Yeah, that would be my scar- long story).

And, you can chat at any time, even at work! (But don’t do that, that will most likely get you into trouble). So that means, you can connect with people outside your time zone, heck even with people from Canada! *grin*

And it’s cheaper than talking on the phone, no long-distance calls.

And another great thing about chatting online? You can edit your thoughts. You have that little window of time that you can go back and rewrite your conversation before you click on that “send” button so that you don’t sound like a total dweeb – like I normally do whenever I talk to people in real life (IRL).

But one of the most attractive aspects of meeting someone online for me? You have an opportunity to get to know the PERSON behind the BODY first. There are really no expectations other than finding some common interests to strike up a conversation – the expectations are still internal at this point, not external.

So many times, whenever you meet a person IRL, the connection, or the decision to pursue the relationship, is based solely on looks. And though that is certainly a large aspect of finding a romantic interest, just think of the wonderful people that are not being given a chance to be your friends simply because of external first impressions.

And hey, I’m totally guilty of that, too. I’ve had my fair share of dates where I knew, the instant I met them, whether they were boyfriend material or not. That’s just a natural chemical process.

But think of the people who get written off, without a decent chance, simply because of the way they look?

That’s why I think online chatting is a good thing, overall. Yes, it has drawbacks, and yes, it can get easy to get carried away with it, but overall, I think it’s a good opportunity to get to know people – assuming, of course, they are being straight to begin with. But that drawback comes with face-to-face interaction as well.

I often wonder if GD has chatted with very many girls online. He’s on there all the time, and he hangs out in one specific gaming chat room all the time. And occasionally, I hear girls talking in the room (because they get on their mics) and I wonder if he’s ever flirted with them. It’s such a strange feeling to think of my son having romantic interests, but come on people, he’s 16 1/2 now – it’s bound to happen sooner rather than later.

I also wonder how I would (will?) feel when he reaches legal age and he tells me he’s flying to Canada to meet a girl he’s been chatting with on Skype.

He already wants to go to Canada and meet a buddy of his that he’s been chatting with for over two years now. And though I’m intrigued by the idea, I’m thinking I may have to buy a ticket to go to Canada with him just so I can keep an eye on him because, well, I’m a control freak like that. (I’m going to have a heart attack when he reaches legal age and I can’t TELL him what to do anymore – *shudder*).

Of course, the same could be said for blind dating. Same risk, really. In fact, in some ways, blind dating is worse than meeting someone you’ve been chatting with online, at least online you’ve had SOME interaction with the person.

AND, chatting online saves so much time. I mean, you strike up a conversation, you find common interests, you chat for a while and then it comes time to exchange pictures. WoW! He/she is hot! Now comes the web cams (because it’s always nice to actually “see” them to make sure they really look the way they claim). There’s no getting dressed up, driving to a public place, waiting on pins and needles to see if he/she will show up – the decision to go out with someone is sort of an after thought because if someone reaches that stage, they pretty much know what to expect by that point.

So yes, I hope GD meets someone online. I think it might be an easier process for him than the traditional route.

Just as long as she lives close, and not in say, Canada, for instance.

*grin*

This is me today …

Actually, these are my nephews – hiding from the world.

And this is exactly how I feel today – I have no desire to face the world. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to face anyone. I don’t want to be nice, or cordial, or all fake-smiley, or courteous or …

Well, PRESENT.

I’m not in a bad mood. I’m not in a good mood. I’m not annoyed, irritated, sad or happy. I’m just … meh.

I get like this sometimes. I just have no desire to interact with anyone – and that includes my family. When I’m in one of these moods, I ignore the boys. And though I don’t ignore Kevin, I’m not my usual, cheery, flirty self – like I normally am with my husband and ONLY around my husband. (Because overly cheery people grate on my nerves).

I’m perfectly content to just sit by and watch life pass me by. I have no desire to jump into the thick of things and … participate.

I’m just a ghost, floating along and watching the curious humans interact with the world around them.

I used to get like this at work, too. When I worked outside the home, that is. I would be extremely quiet and it would drive my co-workers nuts.

“Are you mad at me?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Well, someone’s being a b*tch today.”

Meh. If the shoe fits, I suppose. *shrug*

I have a lot of things on my mind. And I have quite a few things on my to-do list (like work out the kinks for Write Anything’s new look and format – I’m slow guys, I know. I’m sorry). But I just can’t bring myself to DO any of those things. I just feel so … unmotivated.

I’m not depressed. At least, I don’t THINK I’m depressed. How does one really know if one is depressed, anyway? These dark moods of mine usually only last 24-hours – let’s hope I’m back to normal by tomorrow …

Whatever the hell normal is for me, that is.

Maybe I’m just tired. I worked out a lot this weekend – maybe this is my body’s way of saying, “Dude, slow down. You’re not a spring chicken anymore.”

Boy, ain’t that the truth.

I’ve been thinking about how I have to push GD into doing everything. That he expects me to push him.

For example: The whole driving thing. Seriously. GD. It’s time to grow up. It’s time to lift your head from your computer monitor and join the human race (like I’m one to talk). So, I tested the water today. I thought I would TELL him that come spring break, I would take him down to the DMV so he could take the test for his driver’s permit. And I told myself that if he really acted uncomfortable with that, that I would back off – I planted the seed, I would just have to be patient for it to grow.

But to my utter surprise, he shrugged and said, “Okay.” He didn’t cringe. He didn’t look uncomfortable. He didn’t fight me. In fact, he looked relieved that I pushed the issue.

I am so tired of pushing him. WHEN will he take the initiative and live his own life, for once? WHY does he feel like he can’t do anything without me breathing down his neck?

Oh. Because I sort of raised him that way. It’s totally my fault the boy doesn’t have the courage to step off the edge of the cliff. I’ve over-protected the boy his entire life – it’s totally my fault that he’s on the timid side.

I’m thinking about how incredibly skinny MK is – he’s literally all bones – I can’t even say he’s skin and bones because his bones stick out so much that it makes his milky white skin look transparent. He eats, but he doesn’t eat enough. I’m not terribly worried – I’ve seen enough pictures of Kevin when he was that age to realize, MK is physically built like his dad. He’ll fill out but for right now, he just looks so frail and puny compared to his classmates. When will he start to fill out and look stronger?

My in-laws came over yesterday. And they asked me the dreaded question – the question that makes me grit my teeth and clench my fists.

“What have you been up to lately?”

Compared to my sisters-in-law and heck, with the rest of the world?

Not a lot.

I know they must think I’m incredibly lazy. And they wouldn’t be far from the truth. And even though I have several pokers in the website fires, and I’ve been busy with the other school websites and doing other menial tasks that aren’t even worth mentioning, I can’t bring myself to tell them that. I hate talking about myself – which sounds insane considering this blog, but this is different, I don’t actually have to FACE you guys. You exist in my virtual world and I like that – I’m comfortable with that.

Face-to-face interaction? Well, I suck at it.

As a result, my MIL looks at me like I’m dirt sometimes. And I suppose I am when compared to so many other people who are so much more productive with their time than I am and …

I wonder if that’s the reason why I’m reluctant to get together with my family? Because of that stupid, lame question that everyone asks because it’s the polite thing to do and they’re just being nice …

“What have you been up to lately?”

I don’t have an answer to that, I guess. At least, not a satisfactory answer, and I’m feeling guilty about it. I SHOULD be more productive. I have no excuse not to be. But unless you put a deadline in front of my face, that’s simply who I am. I get things done when I get them done.

In. My. Own. Sweet. Time.

What exactly am I waiting for? Death? Because that’s the rate I’m getting things done now – I’m at a dead stop.

I get so disgusted with myself when I’m like this. Everything is doom and gloom and if you know me, I can’t STAND pessimism. I know I’m feeling like this largely due to my melancholy mood but seriously, someone slap me because I’m starting to tick myself off.

And that’s never a good thing. Trust me.

Just ignore me. I’ll get over myself shortly.