"Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Writing Well"
I’ve got this surfing thing down (okay, no I don’t, I just spend an insane amount of time clicking any and all links)! And I discovered, mid-surf, some pretty cool Easter crafts.
Brace yourself for the cute:
Cute and easy. Crispy chow mein noodles, some melted chocolate and a few blue egg shaped candies. Cadbury mini eggs would be perfect and they are YUMMY!
Made by Rae: Buttercup Bag (FREE pattern!)
Have fun!
Morning peeps! How are you this fine Thursday?
Me? I’m doing great, thanks for asking.
I thought I’d update ya’ll on GD’s driving progress. We’ve been out five times now and he’s doing really well. He did take a corner a bit too wide yesterday and nearly smashed into a car (I believe he whispered “Sweet Jesus”, but I can’t be sure), but other than that, he hasn’t had any other near misses.
(Thank you God).
I’ve been taking him into traffic. Not on any busy streets, though I did accidentally steer him onto a main thoroughfare on our fourth lesson and he started hyperventilating, just a bit, but he handled it like a champ and it’s been smooth sailing ever since.
He’s not exactly thrilled with learning to drive, but he is handling it better than I thought he would.
I made a short video of us taking off for another lesson yesterday:
He’s coming along. He’s made a few mistakes, for instance, he put his right-turn blinker on, but turned left (it was on a side street and there was no one behind us). He really beat himself up over that mistake and that’s when I realized, my son is a perfectionist.
I can’t imagine where he gets that from. *ahem*
I have been very calm throughout this entire experience (so far). And it’s not because I’m not nervous (because dear God, I am), but because I know he feeds off of my reactions. And if I appear scared and nervous, then that will only add to his anxiety. And if I yell at him or make a big deal out of his mistakes, then it will only hinder this process, and I certainly don’t want to do that.
I told him I expected him to make mistakes. I told him that I didn’t expect him to be perfect and that in fact, he never would be. He would make mistakes, that’s a given, and that the true test of maturity was how he handled those mistakes.
He seemed to relax after I told him that. It was as if I gave him permission to be … human. And when I saw him visibly relax I wondered, just how much pressure had I been putting on the boy to BE perfect?
It was one of those clarifying MOM moments when I had no choice but to look myself in the face and accept my mistakes. I’ve made mistakes with GD – BIG, ugly mistakes that I’m not likely to ever forgive myself for and ones he will likely never forget. I blame myself for his timidity – I’ve been so controlling that the boy is used to having me do his thinking for him. I accept this. Now I’m just trying to figure out a way to correct that.
And I think that is one of the reasons I feel like I need to push him on this driving thing a little bit. He’s too afraid to take these major steps by himself. Again, my fault. So, I feel like it’s up to me to gently steer him into manhood.
I know there are people in my life who don’t agree with our decision to push GD into driving at this stage in his life (*looking at mom / MIL*), but I honestly would not be doing this if I didn’t think he was ready for the challenge. I just feel, I just know, in my heart, this is the right time for this. He has six months (maybe longer if he feels he needs the time) before he’s required to take his driving test. When that happens, he’ll be 17 and a Junior in high school.
This is just a tiny step to him growing up and we honestly feel like he needs to grow up – just a bit.
Kevin wants him to get a job this summer. And it’s not because of the money factor but largely due to the socialization factor. Let me explain:
Kevin’s aunt and uncle came into town this past week. He hasn’t seen his aunt and uncle in years. So, my sister-in-law hosted an impromptu dinner at her house so we could get together and chit-chat.
GD maybe spoke six words the entire time we were there. He sat with his back to the room most of the time, or he pulled out his DS and played, by himself, in a corner the entire time. He never tried to interact with his family and when they tried to interact with him, he gave monosyllable answers.
It was embarrassing. But not surprising.
Granted, GD is not a talker. He never has been a social person and will likely never be a social person; I get that, his family does not. They don’t understand him the way I do. They think he’s a dark, brooding sort of person and that’s simply not true – he just doesn’t know what to say to people. He’s shy, but it goes beyond that, I think. He’s just socially … awkward.
And that’s fine. I’m not exactly a social person either, but I can APPEAR to be when the occasion arises.
Kevin and I think he needs more public exposure, he needs an opportunity to interact with people and a job just might be the answer. He’s going to have to work eventually, shouldn’t this be the time he “practices” for that real job? For that life-long career?
Though I agree with the rationale behind the job argument, I’m not going to push it. After all, he IS only 16, let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. But I’m not going to discourage it either, if he brings it up or takes the initiative. His cousin is one of his best friends, and he’s graduating this year. The plan is for him to move back down here to live with his dad and get a job, so it’ll be interesting to see how his life affects GD’s life. I already think that’s one of the reasons he’s okay with this driving thing – because his cousin is learning to drive, and all of his friends are learning to drive. I don’t think he wants to be left out (he doesn’t like to be the only one NOT doing what his friends are doing).
So, we’ll see how it goes. Kevin thinks a job will be just the thing GD needs to make him grow up and I’m wondering if that would be pushing him too far too soon.
Aargh, it’s so hard to be a parent at this stage. The rules are blurry and it’s so hard to know just how much to interfere.
All I know, right now, is to concentrate on helping him become comfortable with this whole driving thing. I can’t think too far into his future because it sort of freaks me out.
This could be yet another mistake – only time will tell.
This was originally published on my self-hosted blog, May 18, 2006.
From time to time, I’ll be recording thoughts and events from my childhood. These memories are prompted from the Reflections from a Mother’s Heart – Your Life Story in Your Own Words. I plan on filling this book out one of these days to pass onto my children. I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds the lives of our parents fascinating. It’s weird to think of my parents as children and it’s really fun to hear stories about their past, how they met, etc. If my children read about my past, perhaps they will understand me just a little better.
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Were you baptized or dedicated as an infant?
No. I felt guilty for not being baptized for years. I thought that even though I was saved, I would somehow not get into heaven because I hadn’t been baptized.
(Of course now, I realize that with the birth of Christ, it’s no longer necessary to be baptized in water, but rather, we are baptized in Holy Spirit).
When did you first go to church? What are your earliest memories of church?
Oh wow. This one is a doozy. The first memory of church was when mom sent me and my sister to Sunday school on a bus. I absolutely hated it. I. hated. every. single. minute. Then it seems mom and dad (did dad go? Hmm..I can’t remember) would meet us for “big” church. You know, when the adults all gathered in the auditorium and had to sit still for a few hours. It was torture on a kid. I remember drawing, doodling and maybe even writing though I’m unsure if I was really into that back then.
I don’t remember a lot about Sunday school, in fact, I don’t remember anything about Sunday school so it must not have left very much of an impression on me. I do remember riding that bus though and resenting my parents for making us go because I hated having to get up that early, putting on uncomfortable clothes and then riding on a bumpy, smelly bus to church. (I was a HUGE night owl back then and getting up before noon on non-school days was unheard of).
I can’t remember exactly how old I was when we started to church but it was probably somewhere in the eight or nine stage. My sister is three years younger than me so I must have been at an age that mom felt I could take care of her.
I will NEVER forget the times I would sit in the big church and listen to the preacher drone on and on about how we were all sinners and there was no way we were going to get into heaven if we didn’t repent our sins, and often. Not only that, but every time we did or said something ungodly, that would mean we were no longer “good Christians” and would never see those pearly gates. I was following along in the bible, reading the passages he was quoting when he stopped reading and began to elaborate on what we just read. I listened with half an ear as I continued to read the verses in the bible. Something just clicked and I sat bolt upright.
Wait a minute, I thought to myself. What he’s saying and what it says in the bible are two different things. I started to listen more closely from that point on and time and time again, the preacher was incorrect in his interpretation. At least, from what I gathered from the context of the bible. I wanted to say something to my mom, but judging by the blank stares on everyone’s faces I didn’t think what I had to say would be heard anyway, let alone believed.
I remember feeling great disgust. How could these adults, who were supposed to know better, NOT put two and two together! How could they so blindly turn an eye and accept a false definition of what the bible was saying? Now I was only a child and I certainly didn’t understand everything at that time (heck, I still don’t), but I knew enough to know that what the preacher was preaching about and what the bible said were two totally different things. In fact, I couldn’t figure out why the preacher concentrated so much on the hell and damnation part of the bible when a lot of the passages he quoted were in fact, uplifting and hopeful. (Assuming of course anyone chose to read the entire context of the verse and not pick and choose at random and assign a totally irrelevant meaning).
I think I lost some respect for adults from that point on. If our PREACHER was wrong, could this mean that my parents were wrong about some things? Children tend to look up to adults about a number of things and it’s a sobering revelation when it’s figured out that adults are human and make mistakes. It’s as if the whole world perspective shifts in some way and suddenly, the blinders have been taken off and we can see things for what they really are. We no longer rely on someone telling us the sky is blue, we want to make sure that’s true before accepting it. At least, that’s how I felt. I realize a lot of people never get to that point and are perfectly willing to go through life believing people and what they tell them.
Not me. I’m a leader, not a follower and that experience in church taught me a lot. I can honestly say that was a pivotal moment in my life and I matured emotionally from that point on.
Have I been back to church since then? No. I’ve been in church a few times for weddings and funerals, and only a FEW times to actually listen to a preacher preach. But once again, and now more fully aware of what’s going on around me, I was totally skeptical and unwilling to accept a man’s personal interpretation of the bible. I didn’t have the answers, but I sure as heck knew that these men of God didn’t have it right.
I’ve since learned about correctly dividing and intrepreting the word and that everything in the bible is a “hand that fits in a glove.” To truly understand the bible, one must be willing to understand the context and culture in the time period it was written. The old testament is for our learning; everything past Acts 2 applies to us specifically – the Grace Administration. Don’t believe me? Look it up. Need further proof? Visit this site and research it. The bottom line? Think for yourself and don’t blindly take a man’s word over what is written in black and white (and sometimes red *grin*). The bible is a handbook for humans – if you want peace and happiness in your life, follow the rules. It’s that simple.
If you played, please insert the DIRECT link to your video response in the Mr. Linky box below. I’ll convert these links tomorrow so Google and Technorati will pick them up.
In My Opinion Participants
| 1. Jen E @ mommablogsalot | 2. Andrea @ Red Knows How – 2 Weeks |
Powered by… Mister Linky’s Magical Widgets.
Welcome to the FIFTH In My Opinion!! Did you answer the questions? I hope so!
Here are the questions for this week:
1. Should the individual or society be of primary importance?
2. What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen?
3. If you could spend tomorrow doing anything you desired, what would you do?
And here is my video response to these questions:
I had too much fun taping this and I hope you had fun watching it; I also hope my children/grandchildren treasure it someday. Because really, that’s what In My Opinion is all about – leaving a bit of you behind.
Ready for next week’s questions? Brace yourself …
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April 8th Questions 1. How many siblings do you have? What is your birth order? Do you agree with the birth order characteristics? Why, or why not? 2. What’s the tastiest meal that you can cook? Do you like to cook? Tell us about your cooking experiences. 3. Has anything bad ever happened to you that turned out to be for the best? Has anything good ever happened to that turned out to be a bad thing in the end? Tell us about it. |
Need to know about this video meme? Check this entry out.
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By the by, I changed my username on Twitter, you can now find me @writefromkaren. I made an account before I realized that I could simply change my username on my existing account – yes, I’m a dweeb. If you follow me, I’ll follow you! Please follow me? I’m lonely over there.
“Look,” Melissa ran a hand over her damp brow and swallowed back a growing lump of desperation, “I don’t want to beg, but honestly, you’re my last chance at this point. If you don’t hire me, I’ll be reduced to …” she rapidly blinked tears from her eyes, “I’ll have to,” she continued with a firmer tone, “file for government assistance.”
She resisted the urge to shudder. She had always been fiercely independent and had always taken great pride in the fact that she had never once asked for help, even when she was homeless and living out of her car shortly after high school graduation. Her parents had tried to help her but she had refused, wanting to make it on her own. And after several long years of being hungry and dead tired, she had finally made it – she was a successful Real Estate agent.
Life had been great, she had been on top of her game … until the market crashed and suddenly, she couldn’t give her houses away or find a lender that would actually lend anyone any money.
She had earned her Real Estate license shortly after she kicked Timothy out of the door. Of course, the economy took a nosedive shortly thereafter and since she was one of the last to be hired, she was one of the first to be fired.
It was bad timing. The story of her life, actually.
“But,” the woman squirmed uncomfortably in her chair while looking back down at her resume, “you made so much money at your previous job. I’m afraid there is no way I could offer you anything even remotely close to the same figure …”
Melissa leaned forward, sensing the woman’s reluctance to turn her away. “That’s okay. I’m willing to take anything you can offer me. I …” she cleared her throat before continuing, “I have two children at home.” She shrugged lightly and appealed to her, woman-to-woman, mother-to-mother, “I don’t really have a choice. You understand, don’t you?”
She felt bad for playing the mother card, but she was beyond caring about nursing her pride at this point – her children were hungry, the mortgage was due and if she skipped one more car payment, they would likely take it away from her. She had been in difficult situations before; she would dig her way out of this one, too.
The woman smiled and Melissa allowed herself to relax, but only a little. She was making headway, but she wasn’t in the clear yet.
“Well,” the woman hedged and Melissa tensed right back up again. “You don’t really have any managerial experience.”
“Actually, I do,” she responded back with a smile. “Well, indirectly,” she hurriedly continued as she noted the woman’s brows arch. “I’m very used to dealing with people, all sorts of people. And I’m very good at reading people. I can sell them something before they even realize they want it.”
The woman chuckled and nodded her agreement. “I’m sure you can. You’ve sold me, that’s for sure.”
Melissa sat up straight and looked the woman in the eye. “Does this mean …?”
The interviewer stood up and Melissa followed her lead by also standing.
“Alright, Ms. Snodgrass, we’ll give you a shot.”
“Oh, thank you, Mrs. Tindle. You won’t be sorry, I guarantee it.” She firmly clasped the woman’s hand and placed her other hand on top of the woman’s wrist to show her gratitude. “When do you want me to start?”
“Can you come in tomorrow? I know it’s short notice …”
Melissa held up a hand. “Done. I’m at your disposal.”
Mrs. Tindle nodded her satisfaction and pushed a fat manila envelope across the desk top. “Here is your paperwork. I’ll need you to return these to me when you come in tomorrow. I’m afraid I can only offer you $25,000 to begin with.”
Melissa could feel her grateful smile freezing at the corners upon hearing the amount, but she pushed her disappointment to the back of her mind. That was a whole $30,000 dollars less than she had been making at her previous job. She did a quick mental calculation, it would be very difficult to make ends meet, especially at first, but she would make it work.
She had to. What choice did she have?
“If everyone who worked for me was like you, I could retire.”
Melissa smiled before placing her pen down and glancing over her shoulder to look at her boss. She could feel a slow, pleased blush filling her pale cheeks.
“Well, thanks,” she chuckled.
“I’m serious,” Ruth Tindle took the chair at the end of the counter and stretched out her legs. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all of your hard work, Melissa. Hiring you was the best decision I ever made.”
With her face now burning brightly, she held up a hand and pretended to check a quick fact on her sheet so she wouldn’t start tearing up. She didn’t know what was wrong with her these days – every little thing made her cry.
“I’m just grateful for the job, Ruth. You’ve saved my family.”
It was Ruth’s turn to wave a flippant hand. “You’re smart. You would have figured something out. I’m not …” she paused for long seconds and Melissa looked over at her. Ruth wet her lips before continuing. “I just wish I could pay you more. You’re worth so much more than the peanuts I pay you now.”
Melissa also wished she could get paid more. Her life was so stressful now. She had to cut out so many luxuries and though she didn’t really mind for herself, it killed her to have to say no to the children all the time. She had never been one to spoil her children to begin with, but now, she found she couldn’t even afford to take them out for ice cream any more. Money was simply too tight. Every last cent she made went to her house payment. If something didn’t happen soon, she would be forced to sell their home and move to a different part of town. She had listed her car in the paper just that morning, perhaps that would buy her a bit more time. She would be relying on public transportation for a while.
Melissa placed a hand over her nervous stomach and pasted a brave smile on her face. “At least I have a job. There are so many more people I know who are still looking.”
“True,” Ruth agreed sadly.
The phone rang and both women jumped before giving self-depreciating chuckles.
“I’ll get it,” Ruth said and reached for the receiver.
Melissa nodded and returned her attention back to her paperwork. She heard her boss speaking, but she wasn’t really paying attention. She was concentrating on whether they would have enough food to make a fresh meal that night, or if they would need to eat leftovers, again.
“Uh, Melissa?”
“Yes?” She pushed the food worry from her mind and turned her attention back to the job at hand.
“It’s for you.”
“Oh?”
“It’s the school.”
See GD’s new car?
It’s a 1999 Chevy Cavalier and as you can see, the body is in pretty good shape. It runs pretty good – Kevin drove it to work today and said it did really well on the highway. It needs to be aligned and the back defroster doesn’t work (we can worry about that in the Fall) but other than that, it seems to be pretty solid.
After we picked it up last night, the guys ran it through a car wash, so the exterior looks pretty good, but it’s filthy on the inside. I’m going to give it a good inside washing later this week. The interior smells a bit like smoke and GD says he LIKES the smell – Hhmm … a little worried about that. 🙂 But I’m sure it’s nothing that a little Febreeze can’t fix.
My father-in-law dropped by to pick up some tax forms that Kevin worked up for him and he left some high-duty car wax with us, so Kevin and GD are going to give it a good wax job this weekend. Kevin also showed GD how to check the oil and other things concerning the motor last night.
The previous owners replaced the brake drums in the back, but didn’t paint them, so they are rusted and nasty looking right now, the guys are also going to paint those this weekend, too.
GD and I took it for a short drive.
He was excited to drive it and he drove MUCH better this go-around. He was a lot more confident and his turning was much smoother this time around. I was amazed at the change in his attitude. He was fired up. And this car really seems to suit him – he loves it.
He’s been bitten by the driving bug.
God help us.
It has a moonroof. Here he is gloating at me because I just told him I was jealous.
And I am. The stinker.
We teased him quite a bit about the moonroof.
“Think how romantic that will be when you’re on a date and you guys can sit back and admire the stars while holding hands.”
*snicker* We love teasing him about girls because he gets so embarrassed.
We do wish we had asked a few more questions initially though. For instance, we should have asked to take a look at the title so we could get the VIN number and look up the vehicle’s history on Carfax. (You may have to pay a small fee in order to see the full report on Carfax, but if you’re serious about buying the car, it’s a good idea to invest that money and take a look.)
After we got home and started looking at the title, we noticed two things:
— there’s an odometer discrepancy and
— there are beneficiaries
We put in the vehicle identification number at Carfax and it appears there’s an odometer discrepancy. The mileage is not it’s true mileage – and right now, it’s showing about 95,000 miles. This discrepancy could be one of two reasons: either it’s been tampered with, or it’s a vehicle with a 5 digit odometer and can’t accurately track mileage over 99,999.
So … we don’t really know. We’re hoping the mileage is not ACTUALLY 195,000 miles, but it’s sort of too late – we paid cash for the car, it’s our problem now.
But we’re not overly worried. It’s a Chevy, and Cavaliers are pretty common which means we shouldn’t have any problem getting parts for it and they should be fairly cheap to buy (this is always a factor whenever we buy a car – foreign cars are great, but if they break down, just HOW much is it going to cost in parts and labor? For example: one of my nephews used to drive a Jetta, which gave him problems all the time. And it cost him an insane amount of money to get it fixed each time. He finally traded it in because it was such a money pit).
Kevin is also pretty good with cars and in fact, enjoys working on them, so it’s likely he’ll be able to do most of any work that needs to be done on it.
Still though, it’s disappointing that the previous owners didn’t bring the odometer discrepancy to our attention. We certainly would, and will, when it comes time to sell this car. (I just hope it doesn’t hinder us from selling it). But ultimately, it’s our fault for not checking into things a bit more thoroughly before handing over the money and signing the Bill of Sale.
Though both sellers on the title signed off the title, there are some beneficiaries. I’m hoping this just means she put the car in her children’s names or something and doesn’t mean they have to sign the title. I don’t think it’ll be a problem, but again, we should have saved our star-struck enthusiasm for after we bought the car and asked a few more questions before proceeding with the transaction.
Learn from our mistakes, people.
Save for these little hiccups, we’re happy with the car and we certainly didn’t expect it to be perfect – it’s 10-years old, after all. We’ll deal with any problems that come up.
Now GD has plenty of time to get used to his car before taking his driver’s test. The procedures have changed since I was a teenager. He has to practice a minimum of six months and have logged in at least 40 hours of drive time (yes, we’re keeping a log). This INCLUDES 10 hours of night driving – I’m NOT looking forward to that. But that will be the last thing we attempt so he’ll be pretty confident by then.
I hope.
He can only have a licensed driver, over 21, in the car with him. This means little brother can not ride with him. GD wanted MK to ride along last night, but I said no, it wasn’t allowed and I didn’t want him to be distracted by MK. (Not to mention, he’s just not ready to have passengers yet, anyway).
So, six months from his permit issue date is September 25th. This means he should have his Intermediate license before his 17th birthday.
(I know this is probably boring for some of you, but just wait, driving becomes a BIG DEAL later. Especially with your first!)
After he passes his driver’s test, then he’ll receive an Intermediate license. This just means he can drive, but there are restrictions.
Such as:
— During the first six months, he can’t have more than one passenger, under 19-years old and who is not a member of the immediate family.
No problem with that. In fact, we’ve already told him that he is not allowed to have ANY passengers in the car with him until he’s had one solid year of driving experience under his belt.
— He can’t drive alone between 1:00 and 5:00 in the morning unless it’s to and from a school activity, a job, or an emergency.
No worries there. He shouldn’t be out at that time of night, anyway.
Then, when he turns 21 18, all he has to do is take another vision test and he can apply for a full license.
I’m really glad to see there are steps and restrictions on our young drivers, nowadays. It doesn’t seem like it was nearly this stringent when I was a kid and honestly, it needs to be. I sometimes think kids under 18 are too young to drive to begin with. But I suppose it depends on the kid.
The plan, as of now, is not to let him drive to school after he gets his license. We have a couple of reasons for that:
1. His high school is land-locked. So this means, not only is there a lot of traffic when coming and going to school, but that there isn’t a lot of room to maneuver: it’s like threading a needle sometimes and it’s nerve-wracking for me, I can’t imagine how GD would handle it.
And to top it off, his peers take risks and show off in front of each other so we’ve witnessed quite a few fender benders in just the two years he’s been going there. GD sees all of this and has told me he has no desire to drive in the middle of that. He might change his mind later, as he matures, and when that happens, we’ll re-evaluate the pros and cons of driving himself to school.
2. I don’t want to give him the opportunity to skip school. I’m not saying GD would ever do that, but it would be tempting. I should know, because I got myself into trouble, several times, for skipping school when I started driving. This way, I know he’s there and I don’t have to worry about him.
I wish ya’ll could have seen the way GD acted last night. He walked straighter, his shoulders were back, his head was held high and he just talked … differently. He took an active interest in his car and actually looked interested in what his dad was telling him about the car. We’ve turned a corner in GD’s life – he’s not a boy anymore, he’s a man.
And he’s embracing a man’s responsibility.
I’m suddenly finding it hard to breathe.
Heads or Tails is hosted by Barb a.k.a. Skittles. Thanks Barb!
This week’s prompt: Heads – See
