Karen

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Aloha! Kailani is the brain-child behind this fun Friday meme. If you feel inclined to answer my question, please post your answer in the comment section. Sound fun? Of course it does! Want to answer more questions? Hop over to An Island Life and play along!

(Please feel free to answer the question below, even if you’re not playing Aloha Friday!)

My question:

You have the chance to meet someone with whom you can have the most satisfying love imaginable — the stuff of dreams.

Sadly, you know that in six months the person will die.

Knowing the pain that would follow, would you still want to meet the person and fall in love? What if you knew your lover would not die, but instead would betray you?

My answer: Leave it to me to tax your brain. 😀

Wow. …. Wow. I’m not even sure how to answer this. My gut instinct is to say NO. I wouldn’t want to endure that heartache afterward …

BUT

To experience pure love, the kind that perfectly melds into every fiber of your being, I don’t know. Would the experience be enough to sustain me after it was yanked away? And what kind of love life would I have afterward? Wouldn’t I always be comparing to that first love? And wouldn’t I always be disappointed?

I don’t know, I think I would prefer to just not experience it at all and always wonder … what if?

At the Moment

Stream of Consciousness

January 14, 2010January 14, 2010 Karen

I love these random posts because it gives me an excuse to pull out my short attention span, check for holes, mold, rust or any other strange foreign object that does not belong there, hang it on the line, allow it air out and smell nice and then stuff it back in that huge black hole between my ears.

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The first semester ended today. Both boys are elated; I must say, I’m pretty jazzed about it, too. If what the boys are telling me is correct, they think they did pretty well on their final exams so hopefully there won’t be any unpleasant surprises on their grade cards. I do NOT like unpleasant grade card surprises.

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We now have a four-day weekend ahead of us. Well, the boys have a four-day weekend, I will be working. In fact, I have a lot of catching up to do. But I’m looking forward to not having to stress over whether the boys are on top of their homework or if they’re spending enough time studying for their tests. I can turn that particular thought burner to the off position.

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I took the boys in to get their hair cut today after school. I took them to Too Hotties and though the girls do a fine job of cutting their hair (we’ve gotten used to the fact that they all run around in uber tight clothing and shorty-shorts), they are expensive. I just spent $40.00 for both of them. That includes a $6 tip ($3 for each girl). I think that’s a MITE too expensive for a simple trim. And by the way, if you don’t tip the girls? There’s a sign that CLEARLY states: DO NOT COME BACK. They take their tips very seriously. I have a feeling we will be looking for a cheaper stylist. But I don’t know, you get what you pay for and I have to admit, they DO a good job so ….

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This is the last week that Kevin’s fellow accountants will be working with him. Their last day is tomorrow. He is now the LAST person in the office. His boss will be taking a vacation in the next few weeks so he’ll literally be there, by himself, all day. They have the office leased out until March so Kevin will continue to use the space until then. I’m thinking of packing up my work and claiming one of the vacant offices to 1. give me someplace new and fun to work and 2. to keep him company. Poor guy.

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Jazz had to play at a basketball game Tuesday night. That was the first high school basketball game that Kevin and I have gone to. I was disappointed to see there wasn’t that many people there. Our guys were good and they creamed their opponent – both the junior varsity team and the varsity team. The band director splits up the band into two groups – this happened to be Jazz’s group’s turn to play. The band sounded sluggish, but overall, not bad. They played “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne and the audience really enjoyed that. I found out after the game that the kids hadn’t practiced the songs they played, which explains the sluggishness.

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We are seriously looking at the possibility of taking another cruise this summer (Eastern Caribbean this time). We (and when I saw “we” I really mean Kevin) are carefully analyzing our finances to see if we can swing it. This is going to be a pretty busy year for us as we also want to re-do our kitchen – with the labor coming from Kevin, myself, and the boys to save on money. We also want to put in some hardwood floors and quite honestly, I’m not sure we can, or even SHOULD, think about going on a cruise with Kevin’s job situation up in the air right now. Of course, I will be getting a job to help out (most likely after our summer vacation because who’s going to want to hire me when I have to say, “Oh, by the way, I need a week off in July.”) and that will help our finance situation. We’re going to start shopping around this weekend and weigh our options. If we find a good deal, we may just go for it. We have enough points to cash in for four airline tickets, so that right there saves us about $2,000. We’ll see.

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I think I’m more excited about the boys’ second semester classes than they are. Here I’ll list them (because I know grandma is at least interested):

Jazz
English
Geometry
Intermediate Band
Jazz Band

Dude
Liberty and Law
English III
Biology
Computer Applications

I had to laugh because Dude had originally been scheduled for a Relationship class and he about died when he found out. The Relationship class consists of learning about getting along with people and there is role playing involved. Though I think it might have actually been a good class for Dude to have, in the end, we emailed his counselor and got it changed to Computer Applications, which is a much better fit. This is one step closer to the website design class and he really acts like he’s interested in learning more about that. Wouldn’t that be something if he went into that field? Then we really WOULD have a lot to talk about and heck, the kid could teach ME a thing or two. Actually, he already does. I’m really looking forward to seeing some jazz band performances. I know, from year’s past, they do some pretty incredible things and I know Jazz is looking forward to the competitions and trips as well. I’m so glad that our school is set up on the four block program – the kids have an opportunity to take classes that their interested in, which keeps them interested in school, which keeps them IN school and makes the whole school experience much more enjoyable – for ALL parties involved.

Can We Talk?

The Haiti Earthquake Disaster

January 14, 2010 Karen

I’m still in shock over the Haiti earthquake disaster. It seems surreal that so many people died and there is so much destruction. The pictures are horrifying, I can barely stomach looking at them, in fact, I often don’t. I find myself turning the other cheek because it just hurts too much to witness so many people suffering – I feel a bit like a peeping tom, my nose pressed to the glass, an outsider looking into their devastation. The disaster seems so surreal because our world has come so far – we have technology in place to warn us of things like this. Our buildings are improved and more structurally sound to withstand this type of natural disaster. We have made so many improvements precisely to save ourselves from things we can not control.

The Haiti disaster only serves to jerk us out of our comfort zones, to remind us that there are still parts of the world that are severely underdeveloped, that are poor, that are in need, and that it is our responsibility to help them in any way we can. Whether that’s a monetary donation or an actual trip over there to physically lend a hand. The Haiti earthquake makes me appreciate my life and the fact that I’m living in such a great country.

We MUST stop monkeying around and get a grip on ourselves – we need to get our country back on track so we have the energy, resources and funds to focus our attention on countries who honestly need our help. This inbred arguing is fruitless and self-destructive!

I’m incredibly annoyed and honestly flabbergasted with Pat Robertson. What happened in Haiti is a tragedy and he’s busy spouting off nonsense about making pacts with the devil. Though I understand where he’s coming from – evil deeds beget evil results – it boggles my mind that the man is actually implying that the Haitians somehow deserved what happened to them because of something that may, or not may not, have happened three hundred years ago. So many innocent people died over there; No ONE innocent soul deserves to die – ever.

Robertson, and other whacked out religious leaders like him, give Christianity a bad name. Is it really any wonder that non-believers detest the Christian faith when irresponsible Christian “leaders” (and I put quotations around that because the man certainly doesn’t represent ME or my FAITH) open their mouths and say something incredibly stupid like this?

Let’s not dwell on that crazy man anymore … let’s focus on the positive.

I helped tweet out the Red Cross call for donations on Twitter yesterday. I read today that they have collected $3 million in donations. WOW!! If you’re ever in doubt about the power of social media, doubt no more. It’s amazing how many people we can reach via blogs, Twitter, Facebook, etc.

And I’d also like to remind people … please don’t blame God for this tragedy. Our God is a loving, kind, gentle and compassionate God. He would never do anything this cruel and senseless.

Now Satan? Absolutely. Let’s not forget that Satan is the God of this world. He became owner of this world when Adam and Eve sinned, thereby transferring ownership.

It really angers me when I see people blaming God for tragedies like this. OUR GOD WOULD NOT DO THAT.

If you would like to read more about how we are not to blame God for the terrible things that happen in our lives, here are some resources to check out:

Is an earthquake an “act of God”?

Where is God When Tragedy Strikes?

Is Everything That Happens God’s Will?

Please. Don’t blame God for Satan’s evil.

Wordless Wednesday

WW: Coming Full Circle

January 13, 2010January 8, 2010 Karen

This is Dude, looking into the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at all of the precious, and tiny, premature babies in our local hospital.

The same hospital where he was born.

In fact, this is the same NICU where Dude spent the first six weeks of his life.

In fact, he’s standing at the exact spot where loved ones looked in at him in his tiny bed, all hooked up to tubes and a breathing machine while I anxiously sat beside him wondering if my little guy was EVER going to make it to five pounds so I could finally take him home.

I needn’t have worried. 🙂

It’s been a long, crazy road but my “preemie” is NOW 17.

*eye twitch*

Life

This is What it Takes to Get My Butt Moving

January 12, 2010January 12, 2010 Karen

Ninety-eight point seven percent of women are dissatisfied with the way their bodies look. (I just made that number up, but I bet I’m close!)

I’m CERTAINLY no exception. I have a linebacker torso (which sort of works to my advantage because it makes my waist look smaller) and my birthing hips are so wide I have to turn sideways and sidestep my way through doorways.

Okay I’m exaggerating on the hips – but only slightly.

My face is crooked.

My nose is huge – and crooked.

I have a poochy belly that WON’T GO AWAY.

And the stretch marks on my butt? Have stretch marks.

And yet …

I think I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m finally, FINALLY okay with the way I look. I actually feel pretty comfortable with myself. Sure, I could improve and I will work on improving, but generally speaking, I’m FINALLY comfortable in my own skin.

But this level of comfort doesn’t come easily. In fact, I daresay, it really, truly doesn’t come until you reach, er, middle age.

Like me.

I think there comes a point in every woman’s life where you just say – EFF IT. You’ve struggled with your weight your entire life by either starving yourself, exercising your ass off, or sucking in your gut so hard you actually see stars.

(Maybe that last one is just me).

Clothes shopping becomes the number two most dreaded activity that any woman can voluntarily participate in (number one being the ole trip to the OB/GYN). And what woman hasn’t felt compelled to either scribble out, or CUT out, the size tag from her clothing all in the name of not breaking the significant others’ illusion bubble that she’s STILL a size six.

(Okay, maybe that one is all me, too).

When I got married, back before the dinosaur age (or commonly referred to as 1990), I was a size eight. A tight size eight. And I had maintained that size by basically not eating, exercising every waking moment and walking around with a semi-permanent constipated look on my face because I was too busy concentrating on making sure I had sucked my stomach in as far as my gut muscles would allow. (My gut muscles WERE pretty strong back then, now that I think about it).

In short, I was not comfortable with myself, at all. Even though I was skinny, I had Debra Messing boobs and I thought I was way too tall to be that skinny and just didn’t feel attractive at all.

I didn’t have a shape, I was a walking toothpick.

How exactly is that sexy?

I remember OBSESSING about what I ate every conscious moment for years. And because I deprived myself of the simple pleasures, like a piece of chocolate, my cravings would claw my insides to shreds so that when it came time that I couldn’t handle it anymore, I would binge like you wouldn’t believe. I didn’t have an eating disorder, per se, but my guilt pretty much killed me so that life? Was not fun. I could never fully relax because *GASP*, I might get fat.

So, it shouldn’t come as any big shock to know that after I got pregnant with Dude? I went WILD. Finally, FINALLY, I could EAT! I had an excuse! It was for the baby!

And EAT, I did. I went so berserk that I ended up gaining a whole whopping 60 pounds with my first son AND he was eight weeks premature, so there’s no telling how much I might have ended up weighing if he had been full-term.

I was now at the other end of the spectrum – I was too fat. And once again, I HATED myself.

However, two positive things came out of my fat misery, my beautiful baby boy and … boobs. Oh yes. My pregnant boobs never really went away, even after my milk dried up.

And, since Dude was premature, I had a lot of stress worrying about him. And because I was stressed, I lost weight (I lose my appetite when I get stressed). So it really didn’t take me very long to lose a lot of that baby weight.

Twenty-eight months later, I had Jazz. But I was more careful with my weight the second go-around. I still gained about 40 pounds, but it was nothing like the crazy weight I had gained with Dude.

I went to work at Wal-Mart when Jazz was six months old. (Long story short – mainly because being a stay-at-home mom and my husband were driving me nuts. Yes. Selfish reasons, but there you go). And while I worked at Wal-Mart, sitting on my butt, in the cash office, keying in deposits, I ate.

A lot.

As in, WHOLE BAGS OF CANDY IN ONE SHIFT.

So naturally, I gained weight.

And here’s where I went wrong – I made the mistake of buying bigger-sized clothes in order to accommodate my widening girth.

Don’t do that. Ever. It only encourages you to continue eating. Because those new, bigger clothes? Are loose. And comfy. So it fools you into thinking it’s okay to continue your poor eating habits. And then you get bigger. And you are forced to buy bigger clothes. And the cycle goes on forever until one day, you wake up and you’re a size SIXTEEN.

Like I was at the low point in my physical life.

It was when my size 16 clothes were starting to feel tight and I was seriously contemplating buying size 18 pants that I finally woke the hell up. “Wait a tick,” I thought to myself, “I’m seriously going to be a size 18?! What the … ???”

Though I was conscious of what was going on, I hadn’t reached the motivation level to actually DO anything about it yet.

It wasn’t until we went on our first beach vacation in Florida, arrived home and started looking through vacation pictures that I saw THIS picture (ignore the cute little boy – that’s Jazz):

That it hit me: Good Lord, I need to do something about myself. That’s nasty.

I learned several things about myself from this picture.

First of all, what the HELL was I thinking wearing short overalls like that. Overalls don’t flatter ANY figure, but I wore them because they were loose and I THOUGHT actually hid my body when in fact, they only served to accentuate the parts I was trying to hide.

I will work my butt off to look halfway decent for future vacation pictures because vacation pictures? Are forever. They never go away. And I will be forced to look upon my whale body for years, and years, and years …

I will consciously work on improving my wardrobe and wear clothes that actually flatter me.

And I will consciously think about my posture whenever the camera is out. Slouching forward only draws attention to my back ROLLS.

Nasty.

So yes. Whenever I start getting lazy about my body, all I have to do is LOOK at this picture and *POOF*, I’m suddenly motivated to get on that treadmill and start my workout routine once again.

This is my body conscience story; this is how it all started. I’d like to continue my story by explaining what I do, why I do it and maybe give you some eating and exercising tips that have worked for me.

Please understand – I’m NOT a physical fitness expert. I DO NOT have a tight little body to be envied – my body is quite flawed and as I’ve mentioned, could be better if I really punished myself. But I’ve reached that point in my life that I’m okay with the way I look. And maintaining this look is really all I’m interested in.

The tips and tricks I’m about to share with you in upcoming posts are mine and work for me. You’re more than welcome to try them for yourself, but I can’t stress to you enough that finding something that works for you is KEY to maintaining YOUR own physical health.

But for now, tell me – what does it take to motivate you into finally making those physical changes in your life? Is it a photograph? A comment? An upcoming event? A person? Or is just the way you feel?

Monday Stuff