I know. I’m sorry. This will be one of those “too much information” posts but I have to get this off my chest – it’s part of who I am now and always will be.
It’s been one year since my last period.
Yep. It’s official – I’m menopausal.
I can’t say I miss it, though the “side effects” of being menopausal is something I’ve been getting used to. I sweat – CONSTANTLY. Nearly all the time, if you want the truth. I should invest in stock in fan companies because I’ve given them so much of my business these past few months it’s insane. I have a fan in my clinic “pod,” a fan at my “pit” desk, a fan on my desk at home and I can’t BE in a room in our house without the ceiling fan on and circulating precious air.
The number of hotflashes I have on a daily basis … well, I’ve stopped counting. There are simply too many. They are craziest things – it starts in my back – it feels like someone has poured gasoline on my back and lit a match – my back just suddenly heats up and SWOOSH – I’m on FIRE. The heat consumes my entire body and before long, I have a sweat mustache and the roots of my hair become damp. I’ve sweated so much during clinic at work that I’ve sweat THROUGH my scrubs: I have to wear a cami under my scrub top when I’m in clinic because it’s become such an issue. Which only makes me more nervous and makes my hot flashes even more severe.
It’s a vicious cycle.
I’ve gotten pudgy. Granted, I haven’t been exercising lately (I’ve gotten back to it lately because I can’t stand the sight of my pudgy self in the mirror anymore) and though I know that some of that pudginess is from inactivity, some of it is also due to the changes my body is going through.
I have bitchy moments, but honestly, I think I have less of those moments now than when I was still having periods. My moods don’t seem AS crazy as they used to be.
I’m tired – all the time. But again, that could be largely due to the fact that I’ve been a slug lately. I’m working on that. Kevin and I also switch sleeping arrangements every week – I sleep on his office futon, he sleeps in our bed for one week, and then we switch. Whenever I sleep on the futon, I flop around like a fish (hence one of the reasons we don’t sleep together). I can never get comfortable and I think one of the reasons I’m tired all the time is because I’m not sleeping that well at night. Which is another weird thing for me – I used to sleep like a baby before the menopausal “period.” Now? Not so much.
So. Are all of these “side effects” worth not having a period every month??
I don’t miss them, at all. It’s such a relief not to have to worry if I’m going to bleed through my pants whenever we’re out somewhere, or out in the middle of somewhere strange whenever we go on vacation. It’s SUCH A RELIEF not to have to worry about having enough female supplies on hand whenever I go out or get physically weak because I’ve bled a kidney, or two, during one cycle.
I’ve been taking supplements to try and help with the hot flashes and I think they’ve worked, for the most part. My GYNO doctor wanted to put me on a hormone regiment but I said no. I’m going to try the natural route for as long as I can. I’ve read too many horror stories about side effects from medications.
So yep. I can no longer have babies. It’s weird to think of it like that and though I was initially sad when the change started happening, I’ve accepted it and am now even relieved to have gone through it, quite honestly.
Again, I apologize for the personal insight to my bodily functions but hey – it’s just another one of those natural things that happens to most women. We might as well stop pretending that it doesn’t.