In the News

Drug Tests for Welfare Recipients, Parents Blamed for Failing Kids, Dept of Education is Armed?

Karen

What should America be focused on — sex scandals or the sorry state of our country right now?

Do I really need to answer that?

While the rest of America has been transfixed on Wiener Gate …

(Seriously people — he’s a sick man who has proven he can’t exercise self-control in his personal life, let alone his professional life and by the way, I listened to a debate on Hannity’s radio show yesterday where the guy was actually trying to convince America that what Wiener did was normal by today’s standards. Now granted, there is a lot of sick stuff that goes on via the Internet but I would HOPE it’s not considered NORMAL behavior. WOW. JUST WOW).

… other, more important, things have been happening.

I spent WAY too much time yesterday and this morning looking up interesting news stories. Stories much more interesting than yet another sex scandal by our sleazy politicians. (I blame reality TV for America’s obsession with distasteful sex stunts).

I’m going to post my tweets here (the links are clickable) and my thoughts on each.

Ready? Brace yourselves. A lot has been happening:

http://twitter.com/#!/writefromkaren/status/78154531497705472

From Biblical Conservatism:

Last week, Florida Governor Rick Scott signed into a law a bill that requires drug tests for welfare recipients.

As you can imagine, Democrats are going nuts over this.

Their [Democrats’] only reasonable claim is that this law is unconstitutional because it is forcing people to take a drug test without probable cause (a supposed violation of the 4th Amendment). This may sound plausible at first, until you understand the Constitution better. First and foremost, the Constitution provided against unlawful search and seizure in terms of accusing someone of a crime, not as it pertains to receipt of public money in benefits (considering the Founders never intended the government to handle those situations anyway). Secondly, many, many jobs require a person to pass a drug test as a condition of hire.

Here’s the point: Those who are employed are receiving other people’s money in exchange for performing some sort of physical or intellectual labor (that is the simple definition of a job) and THEY are frequently asked to take a drug test as a condition of employment. Those receiving public assistance are receiving other people’s money WITHOUT performing some sort of physical or intellectual labor (aka free money) so why shouldn’t they be required to prove that they are not using drugs?

I completely agree. These programs exist to assist people who truly need help. The food stamp program does not exist in order for people to purchase lobster and steaks and then resell them later. If we assign/enforce restrictions on government assisted programs, then perhaps more of these programs would go to people who TRULY need the help and not to people who choose to make a living mooching off the taxpayers.

http://twitter.com/#!/writefromkaren/status/78484784921313280

To an extent, yes. Parents are responsible for making sure their kids get to school, stay in school, do the work they are required to do, and dole out punishment for not following through. (Which translated into us taking away the boys’ entertainment for us – video games, computer games, TV – until they focused their energies back onto their studies).

Parents are also responsible for teaching their children personal responsibility and the value of education. Parents need to teach children the importance of taking it seriously and doing well. It’s also crucial for parents to stay involved with their children’s scholastic life. I think too many parents view school as a make-shift babysitter. Just because our children are away from us for six hours doesn’t mean our responsibility ends for six hours.

If you have a few minutes, the comments on the article are definitely worth reading.

http://twitter.com/#!/writefromkaren/status/78485404944310272

After the Department of Education raided the home of a Stockton man Tuesday morning, officials said the search was part of an ongoing criminal investigation.

The search warrant is part of a criminal investigation and not because of unpaid student financial aid loans.

However, the official would not say why the department is investigating the Wrights.

Source

Question: why does the Department of Education even have the AUTHORITY to raid your home to begin with? Why does the Department of Education, as an agency, even allowed to have guns?

The Department of Education?!?

The couple is separated and the wife, who this whole ordeal is about, wasn’t even living with him. Could they not have investigated that before breaking this man’s door down and scaring his children half to death?

From Mark Levine’s radio show on June 8, 2011:

“Did you know that the Department of Education has agents that are armed? Did you know that most of our federal departments do?

Which departments have the power to send local police to send in SWAT teams?

What’s next, debtor’s prisons?

Someone in the House of Representatives needs to look into the power behind these agencies. And how many of them actually have armed agents? Because most of them shouldn’t and don’t need them. The Secretary of Education has some answering to do.

Can you say “nanny state,” ladies and gentlemen? This is just a preview of how our country will be run, how we won’t have the freedom to make our own decisions before long, if we don’t put a stop to our power-hungry government.

This stuff is real, folks. It’s happening right now, all around us. It’s time we said STOP.

http://twitter.com/#!/writefromkaren/status/78567748128616448

I find it incredibly sad that parents have to be taught how to play with their youngsters nowadays.

Kids are resilient. And playing around with them teaches them limits, what to do, what not to do, and how to respond if they get hurt. It also teaches them about their bodies and shows them their physical limitations.

Have we coddled our children so much that we now have to be taught how to physically interact with them?

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but I find this bizarre.

http://twitter.com/#!/writefromkaren/status/78861239777886208

Our president is poison to our economy, people. It’s time for a POSITIVE change.

http://twitter.com/#!/writefromkaren/status/78863836576362496

This seems a little “out there” for me, but the underlying message is legitimate: we have become a sedentary nation. As I tell Dude, day after day after day, (after day), our bodies are not designed to sit around all day long. We need to get up, move, exercise, etc.

“You’re tired because you haven’t done anything all day.” (A common sentence in our household).

Just a friendly reminder to leave your computer once in a while and LIVE your life.

http://twitter.com/#!/writefromkaren/status/78934623949815809

Once again, Obama proves that he thinks himself above the law.

This man has GOT to go.

More from Write From Karen

Abundant Life

Audio Teaching: The Conditional Nature of Prophecy

Karen

by John Schoenheit
Prophecy is one of the powerful manifestations of the gift of holy spirit, and is evidenced throughout Scripture, beginning in Genesis. Although prophecies have been spoken and written for years, this vital manifestation is often misunderstood. Many Christians do not know that most prophecies are conditional in nature, even if they are not spoken as such. Though spoken as if a future event will absolutely happen, prophecy is often a warning, pointing to what will happen if people do not change. We see these truths as this teaching examines the record in Jeremiah 18, in which God sends Jeremiah to a potter’s house with a word from God to Israel. It then gives examples from Scripture that show the conditional nature of prophecy.

Click the arrow to listen.

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Relationships

Is An Emotional Affair Cheating?

Karen

I’m not even sure calling it an “affair” is the correct term. Sure, it can turn into one, but I think the initial stage is more of a connection – an emotional connection with someone other than your spouse is a dangerous door to peek through.

This is my response to the following Momversation video, which, incidentally, you’ll have to click over to watch if you’re reading this via email or RSS feed. Sorry about that.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

“I’m his wife, not his life.”

That line probably ranks as one of my favorite top-ten sayings. It packs such a punch, don’t you think? And I would have agree. Kevin and I are close, but I wouldn’t presume that his world revolves around mine, nor mine his. He is free to do things with his band buddies, and I’m free to pursue my own interests.

Within reason, of course.

I tell him everything, whether he wants to hear it or not. I know that a lot of what I tell him, my thoughts, feelings, hunches, and mundane details of everyday living goes in one ear and out the other. I can tell when he’s not really paying attention and only humoring me and I’m generally okay with his lack of interest – after all, it IS boring and a lot of times I’m spewing just to get it off my chest or I’m trying to work something out in my own head.

I tell him everything because he’s all I have. I don’t have a close girlfriend to confide in and sometimes I just need to clear my head or it will explode. And that’s NEVER a pretty sight, let me assure you.

I tell him everything because he’s my best friend. So I guess I have trouble understanding why a woman wouldn’t WANT to tell her husband everything because I have a hard time understanding why a woman would marry a man she didn’t at least consider a close friend.

And I’m talking emotionally, not physically.

Hey, I get it. Men are not emotional creatures. I don’t expect them to be, I wouldn’t WANT them to be. I like my men to be MEN, thank you very much. (Which loosely translates into a male who is confident with himself, with his opinions and beliefs and who isn’t wishy-washy or squeamish).

However, women are very much emotional creatures. Women connect first and foremost via emotions, so when a man attempts to connect with her on an emotional level, then that relationship is taken to a whole new level.

Whether you’re married or not.

I think we need to differentiate between what you would tell a friend and what you would tell a lover. I really like what Maggie said about there being a difference between “emotional sustenance” and “having an affair.” Women crave emotional sustenance. It’s how we’re programmed. The key to opening up any woman is to tap into her emotional needs. And by that I mean, listening to her, making her feel special, respecting her opinions, being playful with her (without being too sexual, at least initially, men have to build that bridge before crossing it), making her feel sexy and beautiful THEN, and only after THEN, can a woman fully respond to sexual advances.

Just like with orgasms, women take a while to reach that heightened pleasure because it’s not about physically teasing her, (though that certainly HELPS), but rather about emotionally teasing her first.

So when a woman feels like she can connect with a man on an emotional level, she’s instantly attracted to that man (and not necessarily physically, but on a deeper, more intimate level – remember, it’s about emotions for women, not physical), she has to be very careful how far she allows the attraction to advance. Especially if she’s committed to another person because it’s soooo easy to fall into an emotional trap – especially if the woman’s emotional needs aren’t being met at home.

(Which is a lesson for you men out there – fill your woman’s emotional cup up and you’re pretty much good to go on every other level).

When you have an emotional affair with someone, you’re allowing yourself to value that person’s feelings more than your spouse’s feelings. You begin to think about that person more than you think about your spouse. You begin to pay attention to your appearance because now that that emotional abyss has been crossed, the next step is a physical validation. You know that special someone is attracted to you emotionally, now let’s see if they’re physically attracted to you. You have reserved a spot in your heart for that special “friend” and before long, there is no longer any room in your heart for your spouse.

Here is a pretty good definition from About.com:

An emotional affair can lead to a physical affair
An emotional affair begins with the exchange of personal information. As the people involved get acquainted, the information becomes more personal. Some argue that an emotional affair is harmless because it is more of a casual relationship than traditional cheating; however, the intimate nature of the communication, plus the emotional investment made by the people involved, places an emotional affair on the same level or worse as traditional cheating.

It is much more dangerous for a marriage should your spouse connect with someone emotionally than physically. Anyone who finds himself or herself drawn to another person on an emotional level should consider the possible consequences of such an affair. Emotional affairs are just as likely to lead to divorce and physical affairs.

The danger of an emotional affair
While it is healthy and normal for people to have friendships outside the marriage with men and women, an emotional affair threatens the emotional bond between spouses. Friendships are based on attraction, in that we are drawn to various qualities of our friends. Healthy friendships and attractions don’t need to threaten a marriage at all, but add richness and enjoyment to life. When an attraction turns into an obsession or into an affair, it can become harmful to everyone involved and nothing is more harmful to a marriage than the breakdown of the emotional bond marital partners have for each other.

It really boils down to respect. I respect Kevin too much to put me, or him, in an emotionally charged situation. Hence the biggest reason I haven’t “friended” any old boyfriends on Facebook. That’s just not a door I’m not willing to, nor should, open. Ever. I expect the same from him. Once you’ve opened yourself up to another person, then it’s just too easy to go down that same road again.

It’s better just to block off that road altogether.

Keep friendships with the opposite sex platonic. If it feels like it’s crossing the platonic line, then cut it off, no matter how painful it might be. Your spouse deserves the chance to fill the same void that “friend” was filling. And that can only happen if you open the lines of communication. TALK to your spouse. Seek marriage counseling if the two of you can’t bridge the communication gap. All marriages deserve at least one fighting chance.

Think you might be heading toward an emotional affair? Here are some warning signs then build a relationship with a foundation of friendship and trust.

Here’s a comment from the momversation page that addresses Rebecca’s “I’m his wife, not his life,” comment.

The way I see it is if one shares feelings, secrets, and precious thoughts with someone else either than their spouse then the marriage is in trouble to begin with. I would be heart broken if I found out my husband did not think that we were at that intimate level and had to find someone else to share it with.

I completely agree.

We all crave a deep, emotional bond with other human beings – whether it’s a platonic connection (close friends) or a deep emotional connection (a serious relationship). I would propose that if one is not getting that deep, emotional connection with one’s spouse, then there might be some underlying problems that deserve further attention. I don’t think willingly having emotionally “satisfying” relationships outside of the marriage is exactly a wise decision.

Yet another argument to slow down and choose your life partner carefully. If there isn’t an emotional connection to begin with, then maybe that’s not the relationship for you.

Just food for thought.

Politics

Dear Mr. President – Do You Even Possess a Guilty Conscience?

Karen

Vodpod videos no longer available.


(RSS readers: another disparaging video showcasing our clueless president).

Do you think Obama feels guilty for some of the beliefs he’s trying to cram down our throats? Do you wonder if he’s even aware that a lot of his policies are in direct conflict with the Constitution? Do you wonder if Obama even cares?

I do. Sometimes. Most of the time I just avoid the man at all costs because he annoys me so much.

But whatever. I’ll respect the office. He’s the president.

For now.

I stumbled across an OUTSTANDING blog: it’s called Biblical Conservatism and it’s exactly what the title says. I haven’t stumbled across a post yet that I’ve disagreed with.

Before you turn your nose up at the recommendation, go read a few of his articles THEN get back to me. He’s fair, logical and quite concise.

I dig it.

Here’s his latest excerpt from the article: Freedom of Religion Doesn’t Mean Freedom FROM Religion

So Liberals, and atheists of all political bents, please hear me: Get over yourselves. We have the right to express our faith. You have a right to not listen. You have a right to debate with us. You do not have a right to silence our constitutionally protected religious speech. Get over it.

Can I get an AMEN?!? You really must read the rest of the article – once again he says what I’m thinking. Love it.

Also? Mr. Bastedo’s post on gay marriage is SPOT ON and I couldn’t agree MORE.

I think I have a blog crush.

Life

The Summer School Countdown Begins

Karen

Hello.

Just documenting more of my life as it occurs … you look tired. Here’s a pillow. Take a rest, won’t you?

I assure you, you won’t miss much. 🙂

I rolled out of bed at 6:00 a.m. this morning. Which seems cruel and unusual punishment considering this is the “first” official day of summer.

Well, in regards to school, anyway.

But I had to get up, take a shower, wake Jazz up, make his lunch and then zoom over to pick one of his friends up (who will need a ride every morning but thankfully lives very close to us) and drop the boys off at summer school.

Summer school is hosted at a different high school this year. One I’m unfamiliar with – as in, I’ve never even been inside. When I asked Jazz if he wanted me to go in with him, he said yes.

Further proof that even though you have an independent 16-year old child, he still needs his momma.

I’m not complaining. 🙂

We made good time. We hit all of the lights just right and the morning traffic wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. When we got close to the school, I started feeling a bit anxious as I had no idea which driveway to pull into.

Luckily, I caught sight of a “Summer School Entrance” sign and was able to pull in, park and walk the boys into pure chaos in no time flat.

Actually. I have to compliment the school – they had large, clear signs telling the students where to go, so Jazz and I easily found his first class (Personal Finance) and then the gym (for P.E. class – P.E. class is so stupid).

I got tickled with Jazz, because as we’re walking through the hallways, looking for his classes, we passed several people and I swear, nearly every one of them said, “Hi Jazz.” There was even a teacher who called him by name!

haha! Jazz is my social butterfly, I’m tellin’ ya.

It’s sort of cool, actually, because a lot of the kids there are in the same boat as Jazz. They’re taking band classes and need the summer to make up a few classes they would normally take in place of band. I was worried about leaving him there, but I’m confident that he’ll find someone he knows.

After we found his classes, I left him with the other kids in the cafeteria.

I ran home, checked my emails (because I didn’t even have a chance to turn my computer on before we had to leave this morning), woke Dude up, allowed him a few minutes to wake up, and then stood in his doorway until he got off his computer and headed to the shower.

Because I’m mean like that. (Hey! He slept in until 8:30 – late enough! He’s not sleeping all day. Grr).

I gathered up some books I had to mail, and then headed out to get my oil changed.

I flirted with the oil changer guy (Shh), and they got me in and out in record time. (I can be charming when I put my mind to it. *snap*). Then I came up to the office.

Jazz called me at 11:30 and sounded tense. But I couldn’t understand what he was saying because he kept cutting out, so I told him to text me. Apparently, we scheduled him for a P.E. class that he’s already had – P.E. One. (P.E. class is so STUPID. Wait, did I already say that?). And if he took that class, he wouldn’t get any credit for it, he needed to take Team Sports.

I responded with: “Do whatever it takes. Don’t waste your time taking a class if you’re not going to get credit for it.”

I haven’t heard back from him, so I’m assuming he was able to get into the class he needs. If not, I guess I’ll be calling the summer school office and getting that straightened out.

It’s always something, isn’t it?

I’m taking Dude with me when I go to pick Jazz up so he’ll know where to go in case he needs to pick him up one day. (It’s also an excuse to get the boy out of the house. My boys are SUCH polar opposites, it’s really quite amazing).

I’m also going to have a talk with Jazz about how you have to learn to roll with the punches. Jazz tends to get uptight and stressed whenever plans go awry (actually, so does Dude. Actually, Dude is worse), but you and I both know that life? Never goes as planned. So we just have to train ourselves to think quick on our feet. I mean, what else can you do, right?

If Jazz wants to be a section leader in band (he plays saxophone and applied for the saxophone section leader position), then he’ll need to practice rolling with the punches. Something nearly always goes wrong and that’s when it pays to have a plan B.

Always have plan B, people, trust me.

Speaking of section leader, Jazz has his first practice tonight. I’m hoping he’ll find out whether he got the section leader job or not. I REALLY hope he does. One, I think he will be an excellent leader – he’s a people person, is compassionate and passionate about being fair. And two, I think the experience would be invaluable.

We’ll see.

At any rate, summer school has officially started. He only has to go until July 1st and I’m sure it will go quickly.

It’s a bummer that I have to get up so early to take him, but you know what? It’s good practice for me, too. I need to train myself to get up, shower up, and get out the door at a decent hour for that job that I WILL get come August.

*crossing fingers*

Okay. I’m done. You can wake up now.

Can I have my pillow back?

Life

Dude Likes His Headphones

Karen

IMG_0773

I laugh every time I see Dude wearing his new headphones.

They’re as big as his HEAD! LOL

But MAN, they are soft, soft, SOFT.

He’s had his eye on these headphones for quite a while now. But he couldn’t buy them because he didn’t have the money. And even if he had the money, he would have had to go through me or Kevin for a virtual card number (because we have found that that is THE best way to prevent someone from stealing our card number; the boys like to order things from unknown [to us, at least] websites and getting a virtual number gives us peace of mind, not to mention has saved us numerous times), and then give us the cash to pay for the transaction.

In short, it’s always been a PAIN IN THE BUTT for the boys to buy anything online because they had to go through us. And a lot of times, I would say no, or postpone their transaction because I knew it would distract them from their schoolwork. (Especially Jazz. Jazz gets OBSESSED with games until he plays them out of his system).

But then Dude graduated and he received some money. Our gift to him was a checking account (with a monetary balance, of course). I wasn’t sure how he would react to this gift – after all, it’s not exactly FUN, but very practical. To my complete, and pleasant surprise, he loved it.

He anxiously waited for his debit card to arrive. And then he checked the mail days afterward for his PIN number. When he finally got everything, he immediately made an account on Amazon and bought his headphones.

He walks a little taller. He acts a little older. He’s growing up before our eyes. He still has a ways to go, and when he gets a job, I’m quite certain that he will transform into a man overnight, but for now, it’s satisfying to see the first glimpse of the man he will become.

My dad had some left over electronic test equipment and he gave it to Dude to sell. So Dude will concentrate on cleaning up the equipment this week, take pictures of the equipment and open up an Ebay account to see what he can do with it. Kevin and I are not helping him. He’s on his own. He’ll make his own mistakes and he’ll be in a position to savor every last drop of this experience.

We had another first in our house this weekend. My nephews came over to hang out for a while and when it was time for them to go home, they wanted Dude and Jazz to spend the night with them at their house.

Dude said yes, Jazz said no.

I was shocked because this was the first time Jazz turned down an invite to stay the night with his cousins. Dude was also irritated with him because they’ve always done things together and it was weird for him to do something without his little brother.

But I could see where Jazz was coming from. Jazz is a lot busier than Dude. A lot. And like I told Dude, you get to a point in your life when you have to start picking and choosing what you spend your time on. Jazz wanted to stay home and play a game he’s been wanting to play. He knew he wouldn’t have a lot of time after Monday because he’ll be in summer school from 8:00 to 2:00 and then he has band practice in the evenings a few times a week.

I wondered if Dude would go ahead and stay the night with his cousins without his little brother. To my surprise, he did. So he took them home and stayed the night and drove home, by himself.

He’s always sort of used his little brother as his social crutch. Jazz is outgoing, Dude is not. He CAN be, if you get to know him, but getting to know him is difficult because he’s an introvert and unless your interests line up with his interests, he doesn’t know what to say. I’m confident his small talk abilities will grow when he gets a job. But for now, he usually lets Jazz do all the talking.

I was proud of him for deciding to do this without Jazz. It’s a small step forward, but it’s a step, nonetheless.

In the meantime, I worried. He was taking his two cousins home, which meant he was responsible for getting them home in one piece. I asked him to text me when he arrived.

He never text him.

I called him – twice.

He never returned my call.

So OF COURSE, being mom, and a mom with an over-active imagination, I started to freak out.

But just a little.

I pray for Dude every day. I pray for God to protect and guide him whenever he’s out on the road. I knew, in my heart, that he was fine. But Satan, he likes to toy with people. And yesterday was no exception.

Shortly after the boys took off, I heard sirens. And I immediately began to picture all sorts of terrible things. So when Dude wouldn’t return my text, or calls, I grabbed my purse, and I followed him out to my nephew’s house.

Which was 30 minutes away.

But I didn’t care. I knew I would not be able to have any sort of peace until I knew they had arrived safely.

I was on pins and needles the entire trip. I took the same route that I knew Dude would take. (He really doesn’t know any other way to get to their house at this point), and when I didn’t see a black Cavalier in any weird position on the road, I began to relax. I arrived at my nephew’s house and when I saw the car, I exhaled with relief.

They were safe and sound. I really KNEW they were okay, but I just had to make sure.

I will never tell Dude about following him out there. Actually, this is the second time I’ve followed him to make sure he arrived someplace safely. I did the same thing the first time he drove him and his brother to school and they forgot to text me that they had arrived. I’m sure I’ll make a few follow-up trips whenever Jazz begins to drive places by himself. It’s a parent thing. You’ll understand when your kids are to this stage.

I won’t always require a “We’re here!” text, but for now, it gives me peace of mind.

Abundant Life

Teaching: Walking in the Truth Balancing Doctrine and Practice

Karen

Every Sunday I provide videos and valuable links to the Truth or Tradition teachings. We’ve been following the Truth or Tradition teachings for many years now and they have truly blessed our family. We have found peace and happiness through our beliefs and we walk confidently for God. My hope, by passing on this information to you, is that what you find here, or on the Truth or Tradition website, will guide you to a better, more blessed and abundant life.

If you would like to read my views on religion and how we got started with the ministry, you can read this.

Let’s get started:

Almost ten years ago, I was with a friend who was venting his frustration and hurt over the recent loss of friends because of doctrinal differences. A few days earlier, we had finished three days of fellowship and teachings with many saints on the West Coast. Shortly after the weekend had ended, some people from his fellowship confronted him about a few statements the guest speaker had made regarding his belief that Jesus is not God, [1] which was contrary to their Trinitarian doctrine. My friend was hurt because he was very close to these people and they had now decided to no longer attend his home fellowship. As we talked, I realized that my friend had never been completely honest with his fellowship about the doctrinal differences between them. I was stunned when he announced to me that he was “no longer going to put his doctrine before relationship.” What shook me was that he was abandoning his doctrine, and also his relationship with me (and others), in favor of his relationship with them. His hurt became my pain as I saw my relationship with him coming to a fork in the road, with each of us possibly choosing different paths. I knew that I was not going to forsake my beliefs for his friendship. I also knew I needed to learn how to walk with balance in my doctrine and my relationships.

Sadly, I must admit that this is not the only time I have experienced the tension that can happen between doctrine and relationship. Shortly after going to college, I began to attend Bible study classes. I quickly saw a disparity between my Roman Catholic upbringing and what I was learning from God’s Word. Needless to say, this became quite disconcerting to my parents and some other family members as I abandoned the Catholic faith for the Protestant message. Thankfully, time has healed many of the relational wounds, some of which I had created in my youthful zeal (declaring people’s beliefs as “totally wrong” has never gone far in engendering close relationships, but then, I hadn’t learned this lesson yet). Now, after close to forty years since first accepting Christ in college, the tension between what a person believes (doctrine) and their relationships (practice) is clearer than ever to me.

I have become very aware that our closeness with others is strongly affected by our beliefs. It is normal to feel a closer bond and connection to others who have similar likes, dislikes, beliefs, and viewpoints. Clearly, the more I have in common with another, the closer we feel. And certainly we do not have to agree about everything in life to have a relationship with another person. On the contrary, it is the mature person who often has associations with a great diversity of people. Nevertheless, it does seem that the more common ground that two people share, the closer they are.

I believe that everyone is born with a heart’s desire to be connected to others. Over time some people may, to varying degrees, lose some of this desire, but this loss is usually the result of relational hurts, rather than the lack of an innate desire for connection. Being rejected by others hurts emotionally, and a great source of rejection comes from the differences between people’s religious beliefs, about which many people are very passionate (in addition to sports and politics). We can have relationships that avoid any controversial subjects or any sources of potential disagreement, but then what types of relationships would they really be? Another alternative is that we could eliminate all relationships with people who think differently from us, but then that would leave us with some pretty bland gatherings, too.

Truth should be the Foundation of our Doctrine and our Practice

The correct way to relate to others is not to forsake doctrine in favor of relationship or to put relationship before doctrine, because the root of the problem lies deeper than this. Doctrine and practice are merely expressions of truth. Truth is the fulcrum upon which all of one’s doctrine and practice balance. If I do not have truth as the basis for my beliefs and actions, imbalance will be manifested in every aspect of my life. God desires that our doctrine and our practice both flow from a foundation of truth. He designed all men to live with truth in their hearts. David said in Psalm 51:6 “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.” God is true [2], and everything He says (His Word) is true [3], and everything He does (His creation) demonstrates truth. [4] He never intended that there be any separation between what a person knows and what he does, and in fact, the theme of doctrine and practice is repeated throughout His Word.

1 Timothy 4:16
“Watch your life [practice] and doctrine closely…”

1 Timothy 4:12
“…set an example [practice] for the believers in speech [doctrine], in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”

There was a time when gaining an understanding of the role of doctrine and practice became so important to me that I underlined every record I came across where the relationship between the two was mentioned or inferred. Here are a few more clear examples of doctrine and practice.

Philippians 1:9 and 10
(9) And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight [doctrine],
(10) so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless [practice] until the day of Christ…”

Philippians 4:9
Whatever you have learned or received or heard [doctrine] from me, or seen [practice] in me-put it into practice….

Ezra 7:10
For Ezra had devoted himself to the study [doctrine] and observance [practice] of the Law of the LORD…

Truth in Practice Truth in practice is demonstrated in how we “relate” to others. Jesus declared that he was “the truth,” [5] which among other things meant that he was right in all his doctrine and practice. There was no contradiction between what he said and what he did because both flowed from a heart filled with truth. [6] He is the plumb line, so to speak, the standard for all right thinking and right behaving.

Truth in practice means that we are rightly relating to others, with God receiving our top priority. We are to love God first before all others, and then to love others as ourselves. [7] Like Jesus, living with truth in relationship means that I am relating to the world and others the way God desires. A person of truth lives with love toward all others. We are also to have mercy, grace, and forgiveness toward others, as well as to manifest all of the fruit of the spirit.

Romans 12:9
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

The word “sincere” is the Greek word “anupokritos,” which literally means “to be without hypocrisy.” The word “hypocrite” is a transliteration of a Greek word used to describe an actor as he appeared on stage as a person who wore a mask and pretended he was someone different from whom he actually was. If we say that we are truly about relationship, but then we are not truthful in those relationships, we are hypocrites.

God and Jesus Model Truth in Relationship

God made mankind to have a relationship with Him, and throughout His Word He demonstrates what it means to have truth in relationship. He placed Adam and Eve in the Garden and instructed them on how to maintain their relationship with Him. When they disobeyed (failed to walk in the truth), He drove them from the Garden. Unlike Adam and Eve, we should never put our relationships with others above our relationship with God. [8] He has always been concerned about relationships with mankind, but those relationships are to be based upon truth.

Previously, I cited Romans 12:9, which said that our “Love must be sincere,” but this verse also says that we are to “Hate what is evil.” If my love is sincere, that is, without hypocrisy, I must also hate what is evil. Jesus demonstrated this when he boldly stood against the error of the religious establishment, when he drove the moneychangers from the temple, and when he took many other bold actions. If I am really practicing truth in my relationships, then I stand against evil just like God and Jesus do. Genuine love does not condone error or evil; rather, “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor. 13:6).

Truth in relationship helps us see things from the perspective of “life everlasting” instead of merely what “feels good” in the moment. I am only kidding myself if I say, “I am all about relationship,” but do not have this perspective. How loving are we really if we know a friend who has not heard about Christ and we remain silent, knowing that without Christ he is destined for death instead of everlasting life? Taking God’s viewpoint always keeps me grounded with truth in my relationships. Doing things God’s way always keeps me loving and living righteously.

When we speak of truth in relationship, we are not saying that we can only associate with people who believe what we do. In his book about King David (David: A Man of Passion & Destiny), Charles Swindoll identifies a range of relationships, which exists for everyone. First, we all have acquaintances. These are people whom we might only see on random occasions, like a grocery clerk. Next are our casual friends, those with whom we share some common interests and a loose bond. These may be friends whom we know through interest groups based upon our hobbies, our neighborhood, work place, or our religion. Then there are close friends, those with whom we share a more open and authentic relationship and with whom we feel a deepening bond. And finally, we may have intimate friends. These are the people who know the good, the bad, the ugly, and, hopefully, the glory of our lives and hearts. We should consider ourselves very blessed if we have a few intimate friends. Jesus even demonstrated this paradigm when he indicated to his closest disciples that they were no longer his servants but his friends. [9] The point is that we can all live with truth in relationship in every level of connection and friendship described above.

We all crave intimacy, but unfortunately this hunger can lead us into ungodly and compromised relationships. There was a time when I hung out with people who were living very unrighteously. I told myself that if I maintained a close friendship with them, I could win them to Christ. I even did what they were doing to show them that Christians could be “cool,” too. It took me a while to wake up, but I finally realized that this path never works. Putting a good apple in a bowl of bad apples will never turn the bad ones good; rather, the good one always begins to rot.

The problem was that I was compromising on “truth in relationship,” and as a result, I was the one being hurt. God tells us not to be misled because, ‘“…Bad company corrupts good character”’ (1 Cor. 15:33). He also says even more strongly that friendship with the world is equal to hatred toward Him, even making us enemies of God. [10] The last thing anyone I know would want to be is an enemy of God, but choosing to be friends with the world is exactly that. We need to remember that living with truth in relationship will result in separation from the world. Jesus warned us that he did not come to bring peace, but a sword—and what that sword divides is people.

Matthew 10:34-36
(34) “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.
(35) For I have come to turn “‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
(36) a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’

Truth in Doctrine

Truth in doctrinal form is expressed in the Bible, God’s Word. This is not all the truth that exists, but some of what God has revealed to mankind. We know that what He has revealed is sufficient to teach us all things we need to know for “life and godliness.” [11] As genuine truth seekers we are always searching to understand the truth, even the truth about why we believe what we believe. Truth in doctrine is vitally important because it greatly affects how we demonstrate truth in practice.

As truth seekers we always need to be on guard so that our doctrine does not become our enemy, which happens when we become prideful or arrogant in our understanding of truth. This is evidenced when we become calcified in a position, closed-minded, or hard-headed. I often encounter people who are unwilling to even consider the possibility that they misunderstand or are wrong about something. When this happens, I immediately know that they are not genuine truth seekers, because truth seekers are never entrenched in their position for position’s sake. Rather, they are dedicated to their quest for truth, and will always change a position when the evidence indicates that they have been wrong. The Pharisees of the Bible are a great example of people stuck in a position. They were so invested in their private interpretation of Scripture that they missed seeing Jesus, the very subject of God’s Word, even though he stood right in front of them. Closed-minded people are always blind.

Every person’s beliefs are based upon presuppositions. These are assumptions often made without much awareness on our part, which we use to interpret the world (and even Scripture). They tend to cloud our outlook, resulting in false interpretations and understanding. The belief that the world was flat was a false presupposition, which led to the assumption that if the world is flat it must have an edge. Although this was a logical conclusion, the underlying presupposition was false, which resulted in a false conclusion. This also led to the false belief that man would fall off the edge if he sailed too far out to sea, and so on. Truth seekers are solid on what they believe because they have explored the assumptions upon which their reasoning is based. They know what they believe because they know why they believe it.

Truth Brings Balance

Truth in doctrine and relationship always produces balance. Error is always unbalanced and is found in the extremes. When truth is not present in relationship, it will produce people who are hardhearted, coldhearted, unforgiving, and lacking mercy; or on the other extreme, overly sentimental, enabling, undisciplined, and indecisive. Those who do not hold truth in doctrine are on one extreme, legalistic, ossified, and closed-minded, and on the other extreme, tossed to and fro with every new doctrine, whim, fancy, or fad. Holding our doctrine properly is like holding a living thing. I must properly cup my hands so that it does not merely fly away in the breeze, but at the same time, not hold it so firmly that I crush it. Truth is foundational to all healthy doctrine and practice. Truth gives us sound direction in the uncharted waters of life and anchors us through the storms of relationship.

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Thanks for reading.

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