I tried guys, I really did. I started out strong and about three days in, I just couldn’t summon the creative energy to keep up. Work has been BRUTAL. I’ve been working 45 (ish) hour weeks and I’m just brain dead when I get home. Then, on the weekends, all I want to do is watch mindless YouTube videos, read or nap. I can’t be bothered to write anything creatively. I can’t even be bothered to write anything for this blog.
I also have bouts where I feel woozy and it’s hard to focus on words as they start bending and become distorted and I’m afraid I’m going to have another Vertigo attack so I get off the computer and rest my eyes. (Also – to be fair, I stare at a computer all day at work, too, so there is a lot of eye fatigue going on).
So. I’m tired of stressing about it. NaNoWriMo is supposed to be fun and it wasn’t – at all. I don’t need the extra stress in my life right now so I’m officially calling it quits for NaNoWriMo this year.
I have some ideas for another project that I’m brewing in my brain but I’m done making empty promises. If anything comes from it, I’ll let you know, otherwise, if you don’t hear anything, it was yet another fail in my life.
You know, it’s funny, but I take GREAT pride in excelling in every other aspect of my life EXCEPT writing. Why is that? I know I’m scared of failing, maybe even scared of succeeding. Writing is so near and dear to my heart, like a child, that I can’t stand the thought of people criticizing it. Well, my creative writing, that is. The stuff I write on my blog is simply … me. Take it or leave it – I am who I am. But when it comes to creative writing – I freeze up. And I don’t really know why, truth be known.
And it frustrates me!
I don’t know if I’m making sense. I’m tired, as usual. It’s late, I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open, let alone making sense of my thoughts right now. Suffice it to say, I’ve thrown in the NaNoWriMo towel and I’m moving on.
However, I hope YOU’RE doing well. And learning a lot about your own writing in the process. I think that’s one of the biggest NaNoWriMo wins, in my opinion, the fact that you learn and grow as a writer. Me? I’ve learned that I don’t do long projects. I get so bored with anything over 5000 words. I need to stick to short stories, I guess.
Anyway, good luck if you’re still in the game! I’m cheering you on from the sidelines!
I ended up writing 2,736 words. Part of that word count was updating my November Reflections post that you’ll read at the end of this month, but the majority of that was on my NaNoWriMo project, “For the Greater Good.” I don’t think I’ve mentioned my project on here, before. It’s a Dystopian Fiction story and OF COURSE, it’s about the current vaccine madness and cult, (be honest, it’s a cult following at this point in time), but with a sinister twist. I’m excited about writing it, but because I was down for the count with my Vertigo episode for nearly a week, I didn’t have time to actually outline anything so here I am, again, participating in NaNoWriMo by the seat of my pants.
It makes it way harder to write this way, but it also makes it fun and exciting, too. I wrote my prologue yesterday – it just sort of came to me, but I hated every part of it, even as I was writing it. It took everything I had to actually get through it and I will definitely NOT be using it for the “final” product, if there is a final product.
But no worries. I got some words down and I’m just sort of muddling my way through this and there will inevitably be a few false turns here and there, I just wasn’t expecting to have that happen right out of the gate.
I’m counting my blog and my project in my word count because let’s face it, writing a blog post IS writing and I use writing in my blog as a warm up “for the real thing” so yes, I’m counting this with my word count, too. I don’t know if this makes me a NaNoWriMo Rebel, but that’s how I roll – I do what I want!
In case you’re curious, I’m writing on the SmartEdit Writer software. This is a FREE software and to me, it’s set up like Scrivener though to be fair, I’ve never used Scrivener so I’m not sure how accurate that statement is, but I’m liking it so far and did I mention it’s FREE? No, this is not sponsored, but if you’re looking for a writing software, you might check it out and if you do, let me know how you like it. I would like to buy Scrivener at some point but we’ll see. If SmartEdit Writer is working, why go with something else?
I also LOVE writing sprints on YouTube. Watching these makes me feel part of a writing community and it motivates me to write something. Yesterday, I watched/wrote with the Word Nerds.
You can find a hodge-podge of various writing sprints at Devin Cutting’s YouTube page. If you haven’t tried a writing sprint, I highly recommend it. It’s really fun and you really do feel like you’re in a writing group and not entirely alone.
If you would like to chat with me you’re welcome to send me a DM on the NaNoWriMo website – my username is take2max – and I’ll be happy to extend an invitation for the private chat room. My group is at this link – I don’t know if it will work if you’re not signed into the NaNoWriMo site, but you’re welcome to try.
I wasn’t planning on writing anything today but I’m in the mood to write and I might as well take advantage of that enthusiasm while I can. I think I’m sufficiently warmed up and ready to write. I’ll post a small excerpt from “For the Greater Good” from yesterday. Fair warning: keep a barf bag close by.
I’m working on Prologue #2 today. And if I hate this one as much, then I will continue to write until I get it right. This will be good practice for me and give me a chance to get to know my main character, Nashe, a bit more.
Let me know how you’re doing!
Excerpt from NaNoWriMo project:
Nashe cracked her eyes open. She blinked. Had she lost her sight? Why was everything so dark? She stared up at the ceiling and took a moment to adjust. What happened? Where was she? Why was she lying on a cold, hard table? She tried to move her arms.
Her arms were strapped to her sides.
She tried to move her legs.
She could feel straps around her ankles.
She inhaled a shaky breath. “Don’t panic,” she mumbled as she forced herself to remain calm so that she would have the wherewithal to think.
She turned her head from side to side. She could just make out shapes in the shadows. To her left, was a long sink, it looked deep, like a sink you would see in a science lab. She could make out cabinets lining the rest of the wall next to the sink.
She turned her head to the right. She could just make out the shape of a large window, only it was boarded up and completely dark leading her to believe it was either night outside or the window wasn’t really a window to the outside but a window to an observation room.
That thought caused her to nervously squirm.
She winced as she lifted her head from the table to look toward her feet. Nausea rolled in her stomach as her head swam, a pressing headache knocking at her temples. She concentrated on breathing deeply and forced herself to open her eyes once more. She saw a door with a shade drawn over the window.
She put her head back down on the table and stared at the huge light directly above her. She could feel her heart hammering painfully against her breast bone. She clamped down on her fear and inhaled sharply before exhaling a shaky breath.
She tightly squeezed her eye shut. “Focus,” she whispered. What happened? How did she get here? More importantly, how can she get free? She began to squirm to test how tight her bindings felt. She was able to move her legs somewhat, but her arms didn’t move an inch.
“Breathe,” she muttered momentarily succumbing to the tendril of fear that coiled around her throat and tightly closed her eyes. She took a moment to still her frantic heart and focused on breathing in through her nose, then out through her mouth.