Category: Work Stuff

So they’ve implemented the procedure that will start the ball rolling to suspend those of us who opted to thumb our nose up at the system and refuse to be vaccinated with poison – I.E. the flu vaccine.

(The same government agency that declared a pandemic of the H1N1 just a few years back. *snort* Pardon my skepticism).

My boss called me into her office today to ask me, once and for all, if I still wanted to refuse having the vaccine.

I said YES. (I mean, how many times do I have to refuse this sucker??)

So now … more waiting. (Don’t you love navigating red tape? JUST MAKE A FREAKIN’ DECISION ALREADY!!!!!!)

Please note that I am not making this decision lightly. I KNOW it’s going to cause a hardship to the people I work with. I KNOW they are going to be short handed because of me. I honest to God feel awful about doing that to them … but folks. I simply can not make myself go through with this.

My boss defended the company – the hospital is trying to protect itself. They don’t want one of their associates inadvertently giving one of their more sick patients the flu. I GET IT. But it’s a crap shoot. Let’s be real. Okay. So the associate doesn’t give the patient that strain of flu. That is no guarantee that that same associate, the same one who got the flu shot, won’t give that same patient something else – like a really bad cold or another strain of flu … it just doesn’t make sense to me.

I think having the flu shot should be purely voluntary. I think if associates opt out of the flu shot and then get sick, they should have to stay home for 3/4 days WITHOUT pay until they are well enough to return to work. I DON’T think the hospital should suspend a handful of perfectly healthy people simply because they refused to be bullied into getting an armful of poison.

Are we clear yet on my position on this issue?!?!?

I hate to keep harping on this, but hell’s bells, this whole thing just flabbergasts me. It’s so idiotic. And I’m a fair-minded person. I understand where the hospital is coming from, but when looking at the issue logically, there are WAY more cons than there are pros and there are WAY more efficient ways of dealing with this issue than “DO IT MY WAY OR BE SUSPENDED” scenario.

OMG, I’m so sick of thinking about this. I told my boss today that I wasn’t sure I wanted the stress of dealing with this situation every single freaking year. It’s just not worth the stress. It’s not fair to my co-workers. And it’s certainly not worth the small amount of money I’m being paid.

I told my boss that maybe this wasn’t the job for me. I didn’t tell her that to scare her or threaten her, but I wanted to be honest with her; this may not be the job for me. I’m a non-conformist (in case you haven’t picked up on that little fact). And if I perceive a situation as being unfair, or illogical, or just downright stupid, I won’t succumb. Just because everyone else chooses to get on that bandwagon doesn’t mean I will. It’s my choice and BY GOD, don’t take that away from me.

This company is bullying me into succumbing to their policy and I simply won’t do it. One, because I don’t think it’s necessary given all the reasons I’ve harped on these past weeks and two, the more someone pushes me into something, the more I dig my heels in and say, “screw it.”

Just ask my folks. I’m stubborn like that.

So … dilemma time. I love my job. I love my co-workers. I can honestly say that this is the best bunch of people I’ve worked with in a very long time. They’re awesome. The work is challenging and I was told today that I’m quite good at it, (especially for someone who doesn’t come from any medical background). I don’t want to leave it. But by golly … is it worth sticking around and having to put up with this crap every year? Granted, the “odds” of there being a flu epidemic are small, but still, it happens. (I still don’t understand why we haven’t been scared to death by this “epidemic” on the news. WHERE IS THE MEDIA HYSTERIA!?!)

*sigh* I hate to keep bringing this up, but it’s like a black cloud hanging over my head – I can’t seem to shake it. In the meantime, I see job offerings from other industries that I’m probably more suited to and would likely have a good chance of landing if I really applied myself.

But I’m not a quitter. I HATE letting people down. I HATE giving up on something, especially so early in the game.

I HATE being in limbo and right now? I’m dangling from a rope right before your eyes, and I resent the hell out of it.

I’m still employed.

As far as I know, I’m still reporting to work on Monday. I haven’t been suspended … yet.

Remember when I said they were going to send out emails? Well, I didn’t get one, but the gal who is in the same boat as myself (she opted out of the flu shot, too), got one and in essence? It threatened, AGAIN, to suspend her if she didn’t cave in and get the flu shot.

Okay now I’m just getting annoyed. Are we going to do this or not? Stop dangling this over my head – stop threatening me – STOP BULLYING ME. If you need to suspend me, let’s do it. Suspend me and then let’s move on. This whole “we’re going to do this if you don’t comply” crap is just stupid. And childish.

And rude, if you want the truth.

I’m now more determined than ever to resist this stupid “requirement” because it’s just asinine to me that they are FORCING people to get the flu shot. It should be an individual choice with the understanding that if you get the flu, then you’ll need to stay home for three days, possibly without pay, until you get over the symptoms and are healthy enough to return to work. I was reading on the company Intranet Friday and that’s the way it USED to be. In fact, one employee asked why it wasn’t still that way and the administration wouldn’t answer her.

This whole suspending people for the duration of the flu “epidemic” (and I still have serious doubts that we actually have one in Missouri right now) is just dumb. I can see sending me home if I get sick so I don’t spread my germs to other people, but if I remain healthy, it’s a waste of resources and puts the people I work with in a bind because now they’re short handed.

So many people get sick from the flu shot and are out close to a week after receiving the flu shot. Wouldn’t it make more business sense to leave the flu shot as a choice and send employees home who get sick to recover than to send a small number of perfectly healthy employees home just because they didn’t give in?

Again. If one works on an infectious disease floor or around people who have compromised immune systems or even children, then I can certainly get on board with the flu shot. Otherwise, leave it as a choice – DO NOT FORCE ME TO INJECT MYSELF WITH POISONS.

*sigh* At any rate, nothing has been decided so far. It’s still in the bullying stage and the “threats” are getting more “severe.”

Fine. Suspend me. I’m ready. Because I’m sure not getting the shot so let’s do this – suspend me and let’s get this over with. The sooner we get this started, the sooner I can get back to work.

I just pray I don’t have to go through this every freakin’ year. (But everyone tells me that the flu “epidemic” is pretty rare and this year is unusual. Hmm … I just wonder if the drug companies are feeling the economic pinch hence the whole “epidemic” this year. Pardon me, but I’m a cynic at heart).

So there’s a very real possibility that I will be suspended at work.

As I was settling into my cubicle this morning, I noticed the gal that sits next to me was staring at me.

I looked at her.

She stared back.

I raised my eyebrows. “Morning,” I said, thinking she looked a little weird.

“Have you checked your email?”

I laughed. “I just got here, so, um, no.”

“Just read it.”

I’ve worked with this gal long enough to know that her expression? Was scared. Terrified, if you want the truth. And she looked white. As in, “I’m in shock, white.”

I signed on and held my breath.

It was an email sent out to the entire company letting them know that Springfield was on the verge of having a flu epidemic. Our flu numbers were rising and if the CDC declared it an epidemic, that would mean I would be suspended without pay.

(And so would the gal I work with).

Because you see, way back in October of last year, I was given a choice. I could get the flu vaccine, like 97% of the rest of the company, or I could refuse the flu vaccine and gamble on the fact that we wouldn’t have a flu epidemic this year. BUT, if the CDC declared a flu epidemic, than I would be suspended without pay until the epidemic was declared “over.”

I didn’t have to think about it very long.

I said HELL TO THE NO.

I’m not a big vaccine sort of person. Sure. I believe children should be vaccinated for the big stuff, and I’m okay with the tetanus shot every ten years or so, heck, I’m even okay with repeating Hep B every twenty years or so, but getting a flu vaccination every year and gambling that the vaccine you get might just be the dominant strain that season just doesn’t make sense to me. And do you know how many people actually get sick after having the vaccine? Let’s put it this way, I seriously know of MORE people getting sick after having the vaccine than of people NOT getting sick.

And not to sound all conspiracy theory on you or anything? But I don’t trust the government, ANY government, regardless of political party. Seriously. There’s no telling what sort of gunk they are injecting people with every year.

And here’s something else I find odd – the CDC is claiming that St. Louis and Kansas City are “high” on the flu epidemic radar and yet, have you read/heard any news of this “outspread?” This is the stuff that the media salivates over and love to blow out of proportion so they can scare people half to death. So, I have serious doubts about the CDC’s “reporting.”

So no. I’m not going to have the flu vaccine. And if I have to get suspended in order to keep myself healthy and gunk free, so be it.

Kevin is not too happy with me. He thinks I should just have it – what’s the big deal? But it’s a big deal to me and I just can’t bring myself to say yes to having a needle jabbed into my arm and having poison injected into my body. And even if I were to cave at this point and have the injection, I can’t afford to have a reaction and get sick – we’re going to Chicago next week.

I’m sorry, but I just don’t buy into this whole flu vaccine thing. And I REALLY don’t appreciate how my company is bullying me into having it. They have taken my choice away, really. Because if I don’t get it, then I will be penalized.

Okay. So I’ll be penalized. And I will remain healthy and gunk free, thank you very much.

I mean, I GET the whole we’re working in the health care industry and they just want to try and protect their employees and those they come into contact with. I get it. Truly. And if I worked around a bunch of urgent care patients, or around children, then I would probably give in and have the vaccination. But I don’t. I work in a clinic where people show up in pain, not contagious. In fact, our doctors won’t see patients who are contagious and/or have any sort of illness because you can’t do surgery on a sick person.

So I’m a bit stressed. Because I honestly don’t mean to be difficult and I know if I get suspended, then it will put the girls I work in a bind, but people, I just can’t do it. I’ve agonized over this all day – ALL DAY. I’ve gone back and forth. I’ve weighed my pros and cons. I’ve talked to Kevin several times. I’ve talked to the girls at work. I even asked our boys their thoughts on the matter and the bottom line?

I JUST CAN’T DO IT.

I don’t have a phobia of needles or anything, again, I’m okay with getting vaccinated every ten years or so. But when something like this is FORCED on me and insisted upon year after year, well, I just can’t help but be suspicious and leery.

The company is supposed to be sending out an email to the people who haven’t been vaccinated tomorrow – I have no idea what it will say. But I’m mentally prepared to deal with whatever happens.

I’m going into this with my eyes wide open and my resolve firmly intact.

Even though I love my job and I’m quite good at it (I’m thoroughly convinced I’ll be one of the best schedulers they’ve EVER had), I’m beginning to wonder if I’m in the right industry given my suspicions and distaste for this sort of thing.

ADDED: One more thing, how do you know that cancers, Alhezimers, Dementia, Parkinson’s, etc aren’t somehow connected to flu shots? After all, people who get the flu shot year after year after year after year after year … that HAS to do something to a person’s body after a while, right? Sure. I don’t have any proof that the flu vaccine is a contributing factor in any of these diseases/disorders, but then again, do you have any proof to show me that it doesn’t?? Just something to think about …

I’ve been up since 4:50 this morning. I had to get up to make sure Jazz was up – he’s on his way to Pittsburgh Kansas today for a Jazz fest. He asked Kevin and I if we were planning on coming to watch him. Sadly, no. But I didn’t realize just HOW much he had wanted us there until I saw his disappointment.

And that disappointed me.

Sometimes I wonder if my going back to work, right now, was such a great idea. Even though Jazz is a junior in high school, I’m no longer there to taxi him around to places; Dude has been our family taxi lately. He picks Jazz up from school every day, he takes him to get his hair cut, he takes him to the orthodontist … I’m feeling a little guilty that I’m not as flexible as I used to be. I hope Jazz doesn’t feel shorted somehow since I was fully available all throughout Dude’s high school years.

I will make a point of going to EVERY SINGLE band competition and concert next year. It will be his last year to participate in that stuff and I want to savor every last moment. And now that I know that it matters to Jazz if we’re there, I’ll move heaven and earth to make it happen.

I often wonder just how my working is affecting my entire family. They’ve been spoiled, I’VE been spoiled. I’ve always been there. I’ve always been able to drop what I’m doing and take care of them at a moment’s notice.

Now? I’m lucky if I have time to answer their phone calls.

I’m not having second thoughts, per se, I always knew I would go back to work someday. I’m one of those weird people who LIKE to work. It FEELS GOOD to use my brain again and quite honestly, I was bored out of my freaking mind staying home all day. And I felt guilty for not financially contributing to the family. And I’m not really contributing all that much now because I get paid so little. But we have affordable insurance now and I’m at least buying the groceries every month, so there’s that. But still … I wonder if I should have waited until Jazz got out of high school.

I’m just so UNATTAINABLE now and it makes me feel guilty.

This past week has probably been the busiest and most crazy week since I started back in September (I’ve been there nearly SIX MONTHS, PEOPLE!! How did that happen?!?) And that’s saying a lot because I’ve had some doozy weeks so far. I’m really getting tired of not having any energy left over at the end of the day. All I want to do is crawl into bed and watch TV episodes on NetFlix and that’s exactly what I do, every night.

I feel like life is passing me by and though it went by fast before the job, it’s just a blur now and I’m not sure I like that.

I’ve got a long weekend coming up in a few weeks. The entire family is riding Amtrak up to Chicago and spending a few days. I’m REALLY looking forward to that. Not only because of the train trip and a new city, but because I REALLY NEED A LONG WEEKEND. I’m going to try and take more Fridays off. It’s our slow day and even if I have to take it unpaid, it’ll be worth it just to have that extra day to breathe, re-group and have the energy my family deserves.

When I look back on my younger days, back in the days when I had two small boys, worked evenings AND went to school during the day when the boys were at school, I just shake my head. Though I’m half as busy now compared to those days, I feel like I’m busier.

And the stress. This job is high stress. I have a lot of responsibility and the sheer volume of patients I help is mind boggling. This is also the sort of job that if I drop the ball, it affects A LOT of people and could potentially waste the doctor’s time. There is a lot of finger pointing and I’m having to constantly cover my ass, or CYA as the girls drilled into me the first month I started working there. It’s completely exhausting having to constantly think two steps ahead and into tomorrow. And did I mention the stress is taking a physical toll on my body?

And yet. It’s fun. It’s challenging and when things go right, it’s a high. It’s like I’m on speed, only not.

It’s 6:50 a.m. It’s time to get cleaned up and do it all over again.

Thank God it’s Friday.

No. Seriously.

I can only produce so much adrenaline in a week and I’m pretty sure I’ve reached my limit.

I’ve never understood why people bitch and moan about getting along with each other … getting along with people is really very easy – it really only boils down to two little words.

Two little words will defuse nearly every tense situation. Two little words are enough to puncture a hole in a person’s bad attitude. Two little words will make a person drop their defensive body language and deflate before your very eyes.

Two little words – that’s all it takes.

I’m sorry.

But the trick is, you have to mean it. Because if you say it wrong, people will pick up on that and they will get even more annoyed/angry/irritated and they will perceive you as a condescending, sarcastic prick.

And that doesn’t help any situation.

Trust me.

Almost every single sentence that comes out of my mouth at work is, “I’m sorry.” And I am TRULY sorry.

–Because I couldn’t get back to them fast enough
–Because they are in pain and I’m powerless to help them
–Because they are scared/concerned about a recent test or what the doctor might find on a test
–Because they’re frustrated with the whole test after test after test and very little answers process.
–Because these tests are necessary in order for the doctor to find out what is wrong and/or eliminate possibilities
–Because people are tired of not being told what is wrong with them.
–Because our doctors are only human and even after all of these tests, they still can’t find anything wrong and patients are desperate for an answer – any answer, that will magically make everything better.

I hear the pain in their voice. I see the fatigue in their eyes. I sense their desperation. And I’m sorry – I’m truly sorry I can’t help them. I wish I could wave a magic wand and help everyone that comes through our doors, but I can’t. All I can do is say with as much sincerity as I can muster, “I’m sorry.”

For even though people WANT to be helped, they also WANT a little empathy. They WANT people to listen to their story and show a little compassion. Some people are STARVED for that little nugget of compassion.

They just WANT to be heard.

And I’m willing to listen to them. Whenever I encounter a “difficult” patient, I simply listen to them. I allow them the time to get whatever is frustrating them off their chest. Sometimes, I wish they wouldn’t share quite SO much of their story with me, but I don’t mind because I can sense they need to talk to someone.

And I’m an easy target.

Am I always in a listening frame of mind? No. Do I wish they would just leave my window so I can get back to work? Absolutely. But then I stop and think, “What if that was someone I loved sitting there? What if that was me? How would I feel if yet another person flicked me from their shoulder like an annoying fly?”

Exactly.

People just want to be HEARD before they want to be HELPED.

So. I say “I’m sorry.”

A lot.

Because I am.