Category: Life

May I just take a moment to brag on my husband for a moment?

Thank you.

Nearly eight weeks ago, my husband’s life changed forever. In just the blink of an eye, his life went from ordinary to extraordinary and personally, I find him to be an inspiration.

For the past eight weeks, Kevin has been in traction, has had three surgeries, endured multiple fractures, been confined to a hospital bed and a wheelchair and today … today, this man of mine not only got ON his feet, he WALKED.

Oh yes he did.

The morning started out smoothly enough. I helped Kevin into his wheelchair and prepared a bowl of Frosted Flakes for him for breakfast. (He’s on a Frosted Flakes kick). He drank his orange juice, took a pain pill and together, we got him into the back bathroom, on the shower chair, for a refreshing and oh so cleansing shower. (This too is a milestone – I had been giving him sponge baths up to that point).

After I helped him get dressed (one of my favorite moments of the day, I might add *ahem*), he finished grooming himself while I jumped into the shower.

At 8:15, I hurriedly gathered up our belongings and we headed to the rehabilitation center. (And I grabbed everything but my camera. AARGH! Oh well, I’ll take pictures of him next time).

I parked in a handicap spot (talk about a WEIRD feeling!) and I helped Kevin exit the car and we checked in.

The physical therapist led us to the workout room. This room consisted of numerous flat, cushioned tables, weight machines, cushions of varying colors and sizes, parallel bars and a set of stairs.

We began the process with the therapist asking Kevin questions about his accident, where he had the most pain and what he felt he was capable of doing.

The doctor hadn’t put any restrictions on his range of motion so really, the sky was the limit.

So, the therapist wheeled him over to the parallel bars, locked the wheelchair, wrapped a gait belt around his middle and said, “Okay, let’s see how well you stand.”

He stood.

“Great. Now, let’s see if you can take a few steps.”

And though he was shaky, and I could tell it took some effort, he walked.

But he didn’t stop there. He walked the length of the parallel bars twice, then held onto a walker and walked several feet using that while I followed closely behind him with the wheelchair so that if he got tired, he could sit down and rest.

It was truly amazing to SEE him back on his feet. I mean, even though I KNEW he would walk again, I think there was a small part of me that wondered if it would truly happened.

Well ladies and gentlemen, it happened today and it was truly amazing.

When I asked Kevin what he thought about being on his feet again, he said, “I felt like I was floating.”

I think we’re all floating with relief that he’s walking at all.

He’ll go back for rehab twice a week until right before we leave for our vacation. Now that’s he’s taken those first few steps, I have a feeling I’ll be chasing him all over the place.

And you know what? I don’t mind. 😀

Yesterday was a GOOD day.

Even though it’s been great to have Kevin home from the hospital, and he’s certainly gotten much better rest (and dare I say care? At least better personalized care), there is a small part of me that wonders if we did the right thing by pushing him to come home so soon.

I feel like we’ve been forgotten.

True. We have a nurse that comes out once a week and checks him out – his blood levels (he’s on blood thinner), his blood pressure, etc., but the rest of the time? We’re just sort of … existing. We go about our day as usual, we make sure he is wearing his braces, we’re careful about his transfers and keeping weight off his legs and I silently fret over his aches and (stabbing) pains.

Though Kevin has a primary doctor, this doctor really has no idea WHO he is. Kevin is a very healthy man, he’s only gone to this doctor maybe twice in the past ten years. The only reason this man IS Kevin’s (and the whole family’s) doctor is because when Kevin filled out our HMO, he had to list a primary doctor and this doctor’s name popped into his mind because he had gone to him for a minor problem years before.

Since this accident happened, they asked for our primary doctor so that everything could be funneled through him. So now, this poor doctor is getting all sorts of reports on a patient he knows nothing about!

I’m betting that’s pretty frustrating.

But it’s the system, what are you going to do? And SOMEONE needs to be in (semi) charge, right?

Even though this doctor is Kevin’s primary doctor, Kevin has not once been to see this doctor since the accident happened. So, we’re getting instructions from a third party – the home care nurse.

It’s an odd situation to be in.

And as a result, we (or maybe more accurately, I) feel a little neglected. I feel like we’re blindly flying into a pitch black room and narrowly slamming ourselves into surrounding walls. Are we doing it right? Am I taking care of him like he deserves to be taken care of? Am I transferring him correctly? He’s healing, right?

I can only hope so because we’re not getting any feedback.

So, our trip to the orthopedic doctor yesterday was a little … nerve wracking. Only because we’ve been, essentially, on our own these past few weeks and though I’ve followed directions to the letter, I’m not a doctor. I only make decisions on instincts. I was worried that I hadn’t taken good enough care of him and we would get there and the doctor would be all like, “Wow. You’re actually worse. What happened?”

One word: ME.

A wife can only DO so much, right?

Anyway …

We had been working toward this appointment since we came home from the Transitional Care Unit. JUNE 8TH had been the bright light on our horizon. I’m not sure what we expected from this appointment, but it gave us something to look forward to. That would be THE day they took fresh x-rays and would tell us how his fractures were healing.

And then, THE day arrived.

We got up early, I gave Kevin a sponge bath and fresh clothes, and he finished getting himself ready to leave. We had to be at the doctor’s office by 1:30 so they could take a series of x-rays before his actual appointment which was at 2:00.

I put his shoes on him and we started to exit the house, only, the soles on his new shoes are a few inches thick and they weighed enough that it was difficult for Kevin to lift his legs so that I could push the chair and I’m afraid I ended up hurting him a few times. I felt so bad about that!! We ended up taking the shoes off and I put on his swim shoes, which looked a little dorky with his tubigrip socks, but at least he had something on his feet and they were lightweight enough that they didn’t give him any trouble.

Getting him into the car was sweaty work. It was going on 90 degrees outside – it was about 95 degrees inside the garage. But once he was settled, the drive to the doctor’s office went pretty smoothly. In fact, Kevin says that being in motion is actually better for his pain, as opposed to just sitting still.

Go figure.

I had to park a ways from the front door. I hadn’t gotten his handicap placard for the car yet (though I did pick it up today so that will be nice being able to park so close), so I had to push him some distance to get into the building. We found our doctor’s floor and made it to his office without mishap.

When Kevin got back into a room, the nurse called me back and we looked at his x-rays. Everything looked great!! He showed us the thin strip of new bone that was beginning to develop around the fractures in his pelvis and his wrist and knee fractures looked nearly entirely healed. So much so, in fact, that he no longer has to wear his wrist splint or his leg brace!!! (Well, he has to wear his leg brace when he starts rehab, but if he’s just sitting or lying down, then no).

(Here’s Kevin’s pelvis. The doctor laughed and said that it looked like he was stowing an Erector Set. And the nurses said it looked like he had been shopping at the hardware store. One of my nephews, when he saw this on Facebook, said he looked like he was part robot. Personally? I call him my own personal Iron Man. *wink*)

We. Were. Ecstatic.

But wait, it gets better…

To our complete and utter surprise, the doctor told Kevin that he could start putting weight on his legs and that he was giving us the green light to begin outpatient therapy!

WOO-FREAKIN-HOO!!!!!!!!

SO, Kevin goes in for his very first rehab appointment tomorrow morning!!! We have to go in thirty minutes early for paperwork, and then they will work with him for an hour. After that, he has to go in twice a week for thirty minutes for one month, or longer if they deem it necessary. The goal? To get him back on his feet and walking again!!

We are BEYOND excited about this. Neither one of us had been prepared for this step for at least another three or four weeks, but the doctor said everything was healing up nicely and he didn’t see a reason to hold him back. He just cautioned him to take it slow and easy.

I still can’t believe this is happening so soon, but OOOOOKAY! I’m not going to argue. I do worry how his leg muscles will react with him being on his feet tomorrow. I know he’ll be weak, how can he NOT be? But I hope we don’t discover some hidden nerve damage or something equally serious that hinders him from making a full recovery. We’re not expecting any problems, but you never know.

Speaking of nerves, Kevin has been complaining about a burning sensation in his right thigh and foot. When we asked the doctor about this, he simply nodded and said that that feeling was normal. He had damaged some nerves and the burning sensation was actually a good thing – it meant that they were healing and he was regaining feeling. However, while that was happening, it could be quite uncomfortable, so he prescribed some sort of nerve medication that would help him tolerate the burning until it subsided on it’s own.

He said the same thing about the stabbing pain Kevin periodically experiences whenever his left hip is out of alignment with his left leg. It would just take some time, and some work, before his muscles and his nerves returned to normal.

Kevin has given me permission to tape his therapy (this is assuming it’s okay with the physical therapists), so that at some point in the future, we can look back on this time period and comment about how FAR he’s come in a relatively short amount of time.

We’re also revamping our vacation plans – because if he’s starting therapy now, there is a very good chance we WON’T have to take the wheelchair with us, although, the occupational therapist did warn us that though he might be walking with a walker or a cane, he most likely won’t be able to tolerate walking for long distances, so we may still have to rent, or use a wheelchair to say, get him around the airport, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

The bottom line is: Kevin can put weight on his legs again!!

Thank you, God!!

Now that he’s starting outpatient care, we will no longer require in-home care. So, the occupational therapist and the nurse will not be coming out to our house anymore. Since Kevin is still on blood thinner and requires monitoring, we had to call his family physician to set up an appointment for him to visit the office so they could draw blood.

And of course, the appointment is the exact time that I have to drop Jazz off for summer school. This means that Dude will have to take Jazz to school AGAIN. He’s been doing really well, driving on his own. Leaving our house, by himself, and picking Jazz up from school the other day was THE first time he had driven by himself without me anywhere close (the first time he followed me to the hospital). He’s still a little freaked out by the whole thing, but the more he does it, the more he’ll be used to it because there is about a 95% chance that he will have to drive them both to school this fall whenever I get a job.

Sometimes, it really pays to have teenagers. 😀

Before the accident, I wouldn’t have bothered to post anything on Saturday.

Polls show, blogs aren’t read on the weekends. And if no one comes to read, then it’s a wasted effort, right?

Wrong.

Now? I could care less about readers, or numbers, or comments, or anything blog related. Now, all I care about is documenting my life because when you have a loved one that’s been in a serious, life-threatening accident, all of that stuff becomes secondary and so much less important. Life is precious. MY life and loved ones are precious. And if I DON’T write this out, when I feel like it NEEDS to come out, the top of my head will simply eject from my head and brain matter will come spilling out and soil my monitor.

And I can’t afford to buy a new monitor right now … so, here I am, posting on a Saturday.

I have meant to write more. I have wanted to write more. I have so much to write about. But when it comes time to sit down and actually write, I lose focus – more so than normal. All of my thoughts and feelings are a jumbled heap of confusion. I think I’ve been so focused on keeping everything in, all of the doubts, fears, anger, confusion, elation, hope, worries, etc. buried deep inside me that when it comes time to open that box and sort through the various emotions, I find I can’t make sense of it all.

So for right now, I’ll focus on what’s uppermost in my Pandora’s box: apprehension.

Kevin has been very active this week. He’s getting this transfer from his bed/wheelchair/toilet/car/couch thing down to a science. I don’t really have to help him at all anymore – I just stand to the side and hope he’s strong enough to handle it all.

We’ve been successful in getting Kevin into my car. So successful, in fact, that we went to Wal-Mart yesterday.

It’s one thing to talk about how we’re going to do something – to plan it out, step-by-step and try and anticipate problems along the way, it’s QUITE something else to actually DO it.

This was the first time that I had loaded up his wheelchair. I folded it up and put it in the car, along with the sliding board and leg extenders. We took the leg extenders because if we hadn’t, then Kevin would have had to lift his legs up so I could push the chair the entire time we were shopping; lifting your legs is fine if you’re going a short distance, hard if you’re being pushed around a store the size of two football fields.

Folding the chair is not that difficult. You grab onto the seat and pull up – the whole thing collapses onto itself, but lifting the chair into the back of my car was harder than I thought it would be. It’s MUCH heavier than it looks. I can handle it, but Oy.

In addition, the chair takes up so much room, that I’m forced to lower the back seat to make room for it. Which is fine when it’s just me and Kevin in the car, but impossible if say we’re going to the airport to catch our flight out of Springfield and we have two teenage boys AND luggage.

It’s simply not going to work.

We’re going to have to ask someone to follow us to the airport with the boys and our luggage.

OR, try and figure out a way to strap the wheelchair to my car from the outside – like a bike rack for wheelchairs. (Or use an actual bike rack?)

But this is why we’re practicing transferring him around town now, so we’ll know what to expect when it comes time for our trip.

And therein lies my anxiety. We’re planning on leaving our house, our city, our state, our country! I mean, I think the full implication of that has only fully hit me. Good Lord, what are we thinking?? Can we do this? Can I do this?? Because ultimately, this trip will come down to me and how I handle it all.

I’m willful, controlling, stubborn and (semi) organized but am I crazy? After all, this trip is not about me, it’s about making sure Kevin is safely transferred during our travels. It’s about making sure I keep track of everything and everyone while making sure we are where we’re supposed to be at such-and-such time.

To say this upcoming trip and all that that entails is daunting is an understatement.

Am I biting off more than I can chew? Granted, Kevin is not an invalid, he can transfer himself and handle his own weight (and that’s only going to get better and better), but coping with a handicap person cross country is completely new territory for me. I’m still getting used to transferring him around town, let alone out of country!

I must be insane.

So the doubts. They are there. And I try not to show the boys or Kevin that I’m a bit nervous about this whole thing and yes, we could just cancel it, but then what. We stay home with our tail between our legs? We let the situation control how we live our lives? We let Satan win??

I.

Don’t.

Think.

So.

We can do this. I CAN DO THIS. I just need to stop thinking so much and jump in with both feet. We will continue practicing and we’ll continue to look for ways to make this trip as easy and smooth as possible.

Assuming, of course, the doctor gives the okay to go. If he doesn’t, then this anxiety is really a waste of energy, isn’t it.

Speaking of doctor – Kevin goes to his orthopedic doctor on Tuesday. I’m really anxious to see how his fractures have healed and HOPING that he won’t have to wear the stupid braces for much longer, if at all.

Kevin is impatient to get on with his life.

We all are.

My mother-in-law (MIL) and I went to court today.

It was time for the woman who hit Kevin to appear before the judge.

This was my first time going to court for … anything. Well, there was that time I was pulled over for rolling through a stop sign (*ahem*) and I didn’t have my insurance card with me, so I had to appear before a judge and show him I had insurance at the time I was stopped.

But I digress.

It was … interesting. And a bit scary, if you want the truth. There were all sorts of characters and it was both fascinating and sad to hear the various reasons all of those people were ordered to appear in court.

My MIL and I sat in the back with Kevin’s boss. I looked around the courtroom and studied the different people. I leaned over to my MIL and said, “I’m just guessing here, but I’m going to say either this woman sitting in front of me, or that woman across the room, is the lady who hit Kevin.”

I don’t know why I picked those two women, probably because they were with less than scrupulous men and I remembered what the police officer told me at the hospital right after the accident …

“We found her because she went home and told her boyfriend what had happened, the boyfriend told a neighbor and the neighbor called us.”

Something told me my guesses were on the money.

We didn’t have to wait long. One of the prosecuting attorneys called out her name and the woman who sat directly in front of me stood up.

I just had a hunch it was her.

The prosecuting attorney wasn’t exactly rude to her, but he was brusque. He reminded her that he wasn’t her attorney and was only instructing her on her rights and that if she plead not guilty, she had the right to retain an attorney. He also informed her of the restitution amount she would be required to pay if she were found guilty.

That restitution amount? Was from us. We sent the prosecuting attorney a dollar amount that we felt she owed us from expenses and so forth.

Needless to say, the woman’s face lost all color when she heard the restitution amount and she hesitated before giving her answer.

Her boyfriend, the man now sitting in front of me, hissed at her to say “not guilty.”

The prosecuting attorney was not amused and suggested to the woman that they step outside so he could continue briefing her.

I will be honest. I thought less than favorable thoughts about this woman and it gave me pleasure that she freaked out over the dollar amount.

But this isn’t about the money. This is about our desire to see her pay for her poor judgment and to accept responsibility for her consequences (and let’s not forget, this woman has a history of pulling similar stunts with other people). Judging by the frantic whispers and panicked expressions she exchanged with her boyfriend and friend, we aren’t expecting financial reimbursement anyway.

The judge called her name to appear before him shortly after she sat back down. Though I wasn’t able to catch all of the conversation, I did hear the part where she had opted to exercise her right to an attorney.

So, she is scheduled to appear back in court June 25th, with her attorney, with her plea.

I plan on not only going, but taking the boys with me next time. After they heard me talk about our experience, they were curious enough to request going along next time. In addition to offering them some sort of closure on this whole nightmare, I think it might be a good exercise for them to see what happens to people who don’t follow the rules.

I sense a life lesson here somewhere. 🙂

It was really interesting that we ended up sitting behind the woman in court today. I felt like a fly on the wall as I listened in on their conversations and possible plans for getting her out of this situation. I sat, with my arms crossed, and simply stared at them. I willed them to look back at me, but they never did. Though I wouldn’t have said anything to them, I was very tempted to DO something, anything, to make this woman understand what her actions had cost Kevin and my family.

But I refrained from doing anything stupid and instead contented myself with the fact that I got to see how scared she was.

I realize that might make me sound a bit cold hearted, but it’s not any worse than driving off from the scene of such a horrific accident not knowing if Kevin was dead or alive.

On a brighter note …

We got Kevin into my car yesterday!! We actually drove to Andy’s and bought some custard to take home to the boys.

Tomorrow, after the nurse comes to see Kevin, we plan on going to Wal-Mart to buy him some stretchy slip-on shoes. We will have to buy something wide and a bit bigger than he’s used to wearing to accommodate for the swelling he sustains whenever he’s been in his chair for a while.

We were pretty nervous about transferring him to my car at first, but once the occupational therapist showed us, it’s actually quite easy.

Well, easy for me since I just stand there and watch him, but Kevin assures me it’s actually easier to get into my car than it is to get on the toilet, so …. there you go.

I wish we had our handicap card to put in my car. It’s going to be a pain to get him inside if we have to park a ways from the door, but now that Kevin is getting stronger and knows how to make transfers on his own, there’s really no stopping the man.

Thank goodness for insurance. Seriously. It’s a pain in the butt to pay and deal with, but when you have to use it, it’s a God send.

Luckily, Kevin had the foresight to set up really excellent insurance – both auto and health.

So, all of his home care equipment is covered by our insurance. His hospital bed, the trapeze above his bed (which he uses all the time to help him sit up and get out of bed), his bedside commode (though we’re working on weaning him from using that and getting him into a regular bathroom – which we successfully did yesterday and today!), his shower chair, (which we won’t attempt to use until his fractures heal and he’s not wearing any braces – I’m giving him sponge baths right now), and his wheelchair.

This is Kevin’s wheelchair:

Because of the surgery on his posterior (or butt, in layman’s terms), he requires a cushion. Though this cushion is not very soft (it consists of multiple rubber tubes that you have to air up), it provides him with stability and helps soften his injury. (Poor guy is constantly shifting his weight off his left butt cheek to try and provide himself with relief from the pressure).

He also has that sliding board you see in the picture. We use this to help him transfer from the bed to his chair, or from his chair to the toilet. You wouldn’t think a piece of wood be so valuable but his transfers would be more difficult, or in the case of getting to the toilet, impossible, without it.

Though we’re not paying for any of this stuff (well, technically we HAVE paid for it in premiums over the years), I still keep track of the cost of everything. And as you can imagine, everything is over priced. And I guess home support companies feel they CAN over charge because, after all, insurance companies are paying for it – the money isn’t coming directly from patients.

Hence ONE BIG PROBLEM with our health care system.

For example, I about had a coronary when I saw the rental invoice for that cushion you see in the picture. *Can you guess how much this sucker cost? Use your wildest imagination – I bet you still won’t be close. I’ll give you a hint – it’s WAY over priced, in my opinion.

Even though I loathe our current president and everything he stands for, even though I couldn’t DISAGREE more with our current health reform law, I won’t argue that something needs to be done about health care costs. I’ve seen, firsthand these past few weeks, just how expensive everything is. And it doesn’t have to be that expensive, but since insurance companies are the ones paying, the health care industry takes advantage of that and hikes the cost. I mean, why not? If companies (people) will pay the price, then why wouldn’t companies jack the cost? (Think how expensive cars are – if people refused to pay those prices and stuck to used cars, the price of new cars would come down – it’s simply supply and demand).

It truly is insane.

But here’s the deal, when you HAVE to have this stuff, when you HAVE to rely on the health care system to take care of your loved one, you don’t have a choice. You’re thrown into the system and you have to hope everything is taken care of for you.

When tragedy strikes, the cost is really the LAST thing on your mind. Health care debates are no where near the top of your priority list. You just want the doctors to work their magic and take care of your loved one.

And people, they DID. They really, really did. Every person, doctor, nurse, PDA, tech, they were all fantastic, both here at home and at MU in Columbia. They all took superior care of Kevin. (Well, it helped that Kevin had a great attitude, cracked jokes and made them laugh, too. As he says, “What’s done is done. Being bitter won’t help things.”)

And America really DOES have a top-notch health care system – it just needs (a lot of) work.

I think it’s a bit ironic that I was SOOOO into the health care debacle, voiced my concerns loud and clear and here we are, in the midst of it. But here’s the thing, I STILL feel the same way. I’m STILL passionate about an industry that proves crucial when something tragic occurs. And I will continue to loudly protest what the government is trying to do to it.

It’s just NOW, I have a better understanding of the issues and feel like any opinions I offer henceforth will be a little more informed and passionate because NOW I have a bird’s eye view of how it all works.

*Read the first comment – I reveal how much the cushion cost.

… I married the love of my life.

Twenty years ago, at 6:00 p.m. central standard time at a little church in Nixa, Missouri, Kevin and I got married. Even though we were not members of the church, we picked the church because a coworker of mine suggested it; I found it attractive, easily accessible and fell in love with the lovely stained-glass windows behind the pulpit.

We had a very modest, but beautiful wedding. Even if we could have afforded a big fancy wedding, neither one of us wasn’t interested in having a big fancy wedding.

Getting there wasn’t that important to us, being man and wife was all we cared about.

I can honestly say, I have married the ONLY man on planet Earth who could have possibly put up with me for any length of time. (Contrary to popular belief, I’m not the easiest person to get along with. *cough*) Kevin knows when to be quiet and let me vent, he knows when to inject humor to diffuse my temper. He knows when to be strong for me and when to step back and allow me to handle things.

He is, quite simply, my soul mate.

If you believe in that sort of thing.

Our life has never been a fairy tale. We’ve had our fair shares of ups and downs. There was a time period, around our seventh year of marriage, that I was quite convinced we would not make it. In fact, I went so far as to actually shop around for divorce attorneys, but somehow, we had the maturity and the presence of mind to pawn the kids off on family one night and air our grievances. We were honest with one another, brutally honest with one another, and we said what was on our minds.

And we both tried very hard to take everything said to heart and to change our behaviors and work at improving our relationship.

It’s true, you know. Surviving hard times really DOES make your marriage stronger.

We’re pretty strong right now. And I don’t see our bond weakening any time soon.

We’ve gotten comfortable with each other. We’ve taken advantage of each other. We’ve settled. And though there have been times when our relationship has been “comfortable” (okay fine, boring), it’s been a comfortable peace.

We’ve started a new chapter in our married life: Kevin is now in a wheelchair. It’s not permanent, he will walk again at some point (we’re thinking around August), but it’s been a HUGE adjustment for us both. Not just physically, but emotionally. Now, suddenly, our roles have been reversed. Kevin has always been my provider, the person who has taken care of me, now it’s the other way around. He completely relies on me for everything. From getting him out of bed, to making sure he has something to eat, to helping him with his personal hygiene.

And I honest-to-God don’t mind. In fact, I’m grateful – I’m grateful he’s alive and breathing because due to the nature of his accident, he probably shouldn’t be here with us today.

But he is.

And it’s because God was watching out for him that day.

I had no idea it was even possible to love another human being more than I do my husband. He’s so much a part of me now, I can’t imagine my life without him and I thank God that I don’t have to.

This accident may be a speed bump in our marital journey, but we refuse to allow it to slow us down. We will continue to live, we will find our new normal, we will heal and we will persevere.

How? Because we have God watching our backs …

… and we have each other.