Life

Silence

Don't Say a Word
(I look like I’m about to puke, don’t I. Actually, that’s how I feel when I force myself to swallow my words).

You would think, after being with my husband 23 years (20 of those as his wife) and 18 years as a mother, I would learn the fine art of shutting my trap.

Not so!

Though, to be fair to myself, I am better than I used to be.

I used to be the sort of person who said whatever popped into my head. And if you know me at all, you know what a disaster that must have been. Because you see, I’m a cynical person at heart. I tend to assume that everyone around me doesn’t have a clue as to what they’re talking about and that I, of course, know all and have a MUCH better idea.

If people would only shut up and listen to me.

I was (okay, still am), pretty lethal when I get angry. Because when I get angry, my vision tunnels, my thoughts tend to snap to attention and I’m focused and fully prepared to cut the person I’m angry with down so far they need a step ladder to tie their shoes.

And the scary part? I honestly don’t care who gets hurt in the process – all I care about is getting in the last word and walking proudly out of the smoke from my burning words with the taste of bitter victory on my tongue.

This sounds like I’m boasting. Believe me, I’m not. This is a part of myself that has kept me awake way too many nights with regret. I wouldn’t say I’m an irrational person, but I definitely tend to speak my mind before really thinking the repercussions through.

This is mortifying in and of itself, it’s especially disastrous when I act this way with Kevin or the boys.

In case I haven’t made myself clear, I’m a controlling person. I know this comes as a shock to many of you, but alas, it’s true. (*smirk*) And for many years, it was either my way or live with my pissy attitude – and trust me, I could make my family’s life hell if I chose to.

After years of this despicable personality trait, my family is, in essence, scared of me.

*sigh*

This gives me absolutely no joy in admitting that to you. I am, in fact, quite ashamed of myself. I’ve been working hard, over the past several years, to just chill the hell out, to shrug things off, to KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT.

It’s been a challenge, to put it mildly.

This has never been more applicable than right now – now that we have an 18-year old son who has way too many of his mama’s moody stubbornness than what’s good for him. You can imagine how much we clash.

It’s been incredibly hard to let go of him these past years. It’s especially hard for me to accept the fact that now, he’s a legal adult. He has the RIGHT to make his own decisions, and his own mistakes. I’m there if he needs me, but he has to decide whether he needs me or not; I am no longer in a position to DEMAND that he need me or listen to me.

Jazz is still at that age (or perhaps it’s just his personality, and I pray it’s his personality) that he will still talk to me. And he even listens to my opinion. He doesn’t always take my advice, but he at least considers it.

Dude? Wants nothing to do with me. Well, on the surface at least. I can tell by his body language that he still wants to hear my opinion about something but would prefer to be tortured to an inch of his life before he would ever admit it. In the meantime, I just need to keep my opinions/thoughts/advice to myself because the kid simply doesn’t want to hear it.

Believe it or not, I have learned to keep my mouth shut with Kevin. But it didn’t happen over night. It took YEARS of fights and self-loathing to finally train myself to think before I speak with him.

I’m now trying to do the same with my oldest son. I’ve been knocked off-kilter with Dude because the rules have changed with him – as rules are apt to do when your children get older. I’m adapting, but not nearly fast enough, I’m afraid.

The thing that grounds me, that actually makes me keep my mouth shut, is the thought that if I DON’T, I could very well damage our relationship – if I haven’t already.

I am learning, FINALLY learning, that I am indeed capable of being silent. Now I just need to embrace that realization.

Life-condensed

Wow. Haven’t Heard That Sound in a While

Remember these?

Typing Away

For those of you too young to remember, these are typewriters.

I’ll say it slowly – type-wri-ters.

Kevin and I had to go to the IRS office the other day to pick up some forms to fill out for his boss’ tax information. Though Kevin didn’t have to type the information into the forms, he says it’s more professional, so he had to go up into the attic and pull down our electric typewriter.

I forgot we even had the thing. In fact, Kevin bought the typewriter specifically for this reason – to fill out tax forms. (He’s an accountant – explains a lot, doesn’t it).

I remember spending half my day at the college library typing up my papers, and then spending the last half of my day correcting my papers. lol Talk about an exhausting process!

Oh you young kids nowadays – you don’t know how good you’ve got it with these new-fangled word processing programs. πŸ˜€

Christmas song #9 Little Drummer Boy by Josh Grobin

Life-condensed

Be a Santa to a Senior

Kevin and I just returned from our weekly lunch (we go out to lunch every Wednesday – we’ve been doing this for a few years now), and we stopped by an area Harter House, (the one on Republic Rd and Fremont if you’re from the Springfield area), to buy some Sprite for the kids (their stomachs are still a bit tender). I was on my way out of the door when I spotted a Christmas tree with tags tied to it along with a huge sign that said, “Be a Santa to a Senior!” (http://beasantatoasenior.com/). It’s set up like the Salvation Army’s Angel Tree program for foster children – you pick a tag, buy a gift (I think the senior tags actually have gift ideas listed), then return the gift, along with the tag, to the store hosting the program.

Kevin and I always pick two children, a boy and a girl, (usually teenagers) from the Salvation Army’s tree every year, but this was the first time I had seen a tree set up for seniors.

Isn’t that a GREAT IDEA?!? People that fall through society’s cracks just break my heart – they are so alone and in some cases forgotten. Can you imagine not having a loved one to share Christmas with, or a gift to open on Christmas morning?? That’s just so SAD!!

At any rate, I just HAD to share this program with you all and I hope you will find it in your heart to get involved. If not with this program, then another program that blesses your community.

Vodpod videos no longer available.


Tis the season to give!

Christmas song #8 Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas by Martina McBride

Life-condensed

Were They Poisoned?

A bump woke me up at 5:00 this morning. It sounded like a body being slammed into a wall.

It was because a body HAD been slammed into the wall.

Then I heard it, the tell-tale sounds of a kid being sick.

*sigh*

I stumbled out of bed to go see what was going on with Jazz (because I had assumed it would be Jazz).

I walked out into the hallway and to my surprise, was met by Dude.

Dude is never sick. And I mean never.

Apparently, Dude was up at 3:00 a.m. emptying the contents of his stomach, and then up twice more.

In fact, Dude told me that he got up to vomit and Jazz was already using the toilet to empty his stomach so Dude had to use the trash can.

Poor boys.

I made them sit up and drink a little water and nibble on some toast this morning to see if they could keep it down and go to school. Dude looked a little green and ate very little. Jazz ate his toast and drank some water, but promptly threw it back up.

I told the boys to go back to bed, there would be no school today.

Now I’m trying to figure out what made them sick. We all ate ham and beans last night (well, I ate the ham, not the beans) and Kevin and I are fine. Well, not exactly. Kevin said he woke up nauseous last night but didn’t throw up. I’m fine. The ham was left over from Thanksgiving (we had frozen the left overs). Now we’re wondering if it was the ham.

But why didn’t I get sick?

It just dawned on me that the boys might have eaten cereal last night before bed. I wouldn’t know for sure because Kevin and I had already gone to bed when the boys shut their computers off and prepared for bed. They usually eat a bowl of cereal first and then take their showers. If they ate a bowl of cereal, I’m betting it was the milk.

Which I’ve already thrown out (the best by date was yesterday). I’ll have to ask them when they wake up. (They both fell back into bed after I told them they didn’t have to go to school).

I hate this. I hate that they’re sick and I don’t know why. (By the way, neither of them was running a fever). But I also hate them missing school, especially Dude. Dude hasn’t missed ONE day of high school – today will be the first. *sigh*

Oh well. These things can’t be helped. I just thank God our boys are as healthy as they are.

*Side note: The school administered flu vaccines yesterday, we decided against the vaccine for our boys – but I’d be curious to hear how many kids called in sick today from reactions. I heard a lot of kids had adverse reactions to the H1N1 vaccine last year. These are the kinds of things I wonder about.

Christmas song #7 Christmas Lullaby

ADDED December 8th: It’s been 24 hours since the kids puked their guts up and I still do not have any idea what made them sick. I questioned them about eating something before bed the night before last – Jazz ate some cereal, Dude didn’t eat anything. Hmm .. then I asked if maybe they shared some food with a friend at lunch on Monday – no. Hmm … If they had eaten something bad at lunch on Monday, they probably would have been sick at dinner Monday night. I don’t know, the only common denominator were the beans, which I didn’t eat. Can beans give you food poisoning? The culprit is still a mystery. They went to school today. Jazz was fine, once he got his headache under control. Dude … was borderline. He was running a 99.1 temp and felt a little queasy, but his headache was gone. I really think once he moves around (because laying around makes it so much worse sometimes), I think he’ll start to feel a little better. But I have my cell phone close, just in case. I HATE not knowing if I made the right decision! Aargh!

Politics

Taxing People Plus Extending Unemployment Equals a Weak Country

Warning! Political stuff.

Forgive me, but I read about this stuff, think about this stuff, see what others write about this stuff on Twitter and if I don’t write out my thoughts and feelings on these issues, I’m fairly certain my brain will explode all over your monitor.

If you don’t agree with me politically (I’m a moderate conservative [I’m pretty sure that’s an oxymoron]), then please skip this post. Thanks.

Bush Tax Cuts: let’s call it what it is, okay? Tax HIKES. Because if Congress allows these tax cuts to expire, then our taxes will GO UP. That means, LESS MONEY IN YOUR POCKET!

If the tax cuts are allowed to continue, it means .. nothing, basically. You will keep what you always keep and life will continue on as normal (or as normal as we can be in this country right now).

Considering that unemployment rose to 9.8 percent, marking the 19th consecutive month that our nation’s unemployment rate topped 9 percent, a post–World War II record, do you really think it’s wise to raise taxes on the few people who have jobs and are struggling to feed their families in order to pay for (now extended!) unemployment! How can anyone even consider putting more pressure on the American worker right now??

And may I ask WHY this administration is hell bent on starting a class war? What is up with this middle class versus upper class crap? What is up with forcing people who make over $250,000 a year to pay more taxes? I mean, it sounds good on the surface, and if they want to pay more taxes, then by all means, go for it, but why are we forcing them when they’re already paying out the nose as it is? Why are we punishing folks who make more money than we do? Has anyone ever stopped to consider that these people that make more money have worked their butts off to make that money? Who likely put in way more hours than we do, who rarely see their families because they’re busy making their companies stronger and who likely have WAY more stress than we do on a daily basis? Let’s stop and think about this a moment:

The wealthy create jobs. Have you ever gotten a job from a poor person? If the people who create jobs don’t feel safe to invest and grow their company, then they won’t. Which means, they will not hire new people.

Like it or not, they need those tax cuts extended so that they can plan for the future of their company, so they can make projections and budget, so they can safely determine whether they first need to hire and then how many in order to keep their companies running smoothly and prospering. Companies need to know that the government will not spring something on them in the future – they need economic stability in order to plan and grow.

It’s called security. And if you stop and think like a businessman for a moment, you can see why these tax cuts must remain in place for everyone.

Now, let’s assume the tax cuts remain for everyone – companies have their stability (at least, when it comes to taxes – regulations is a different monster). They feel like it’s safe to come out and invest, hire more people and grow.

There are now jobs. People get hired. They pay their taxes. More revenue spills into the government coffers, we bring down the debt (assuming the government stops with the asinine spending because that’s like pouring water into a strainer).

We can stop paying out the nose for unemployment because there are fewer people who are unemployed. Consumer spending also goes up because people have jobs, SECURITY, so they feel comfortable enough to start spending more than they’ve allowed for living expenses.

Companies make money. They hire more people. There are more tax payers …

Why is this so difficult for people to understand?? That’s how economics works, folks!

I find it really hard to believe that Obama is too dense to understand that. So what does that leave? He wants our country in chaos? He wants people dependent on the country? He wants to promote a womb-to-tomb mentality (which means he wants people dependent on the government from birth to death) thereby converting people into Democrat voters because in order for them to continue living the life their living now, they must vote Democrat, because Republicans are too hard hearted to care about them.

*sigh*

Listen. The lame stream media want you to think that Conservatives/Republicans don’t care about you because it suits their agenda. The FACT is, Conservatives/Republicans care about people MORE because their goal is to open up opportunities to allow people to pursue their dreams, to be successful, to be independently strong. If people choose not to take those opportunities, if they choose not to work very hard for what they want, then that is their choice.

BUT THEY HAVE A CHOICE.

Democrats only want to takes choices away. They are not interested in seeing people succeed, they are only interested in keeping people dependent. They disguise this objective by pretending to be compassionate.

Take unemployment for example. People can now be unemployed for 99 weeks before they are forced to find a job. The government (that’s US, the working stiffs who are working long hours and sacrificing family time in order to pay our bills AND TAXES) owns these people.

Granted, I GET IT. I KNOW UNEMPLOYMENT IS HIGH! As one friend on my Facebook account said, “It’s not about the numbers, it’s about the people.”

Of course it is. But at some point, WE HAVE TO LOOK AT THE NUMBERS!! How exactly can we support the growing number of people on unemployment if the number of working Americans is shrinking?? We can’t snap our fingers and make money appear. Money does not grow on trees and contrary to popular belief, you can’t just print money, it DEVALUES our currency so that foreign countries don’t want anything to do with us.

When exactly do we draw the line on unemployment? And can you honestly tell me that if people are given the choice of staying home with their families for 99 weeks or going out and getting a job, having to get up at 6:00 every morning, work their tail end off and come home exhausted they’re going to choose option B?

OF COURSE NOT! It’s human nature to want things handed to us. It’s human nature to want to take the easy road. If we keep extending unemployment, then no one will ever go out and get a job because WHY?? It’s so much easier to allow the government to care for them.

I am so sorry for people who are without a job right now. My heart hurts for them and their families. It’s tough to not know whether you will have enough money to eat dinner, or enough money to put gas in your car. I’ve been there. I UNDERSTAND.

But at what point do we say, ENOUGH.

I don’t want people to hurt. I don’t want people to go hungry. And I understand extending unemployment now, especially around the holidays, but we have to be realistic, folks. We can’t afford to support 9.8 percent of the population indefinitely (and that percentage will go up if our government doesn’t get their head out of the butts and DO something to support our economy).

That’s why it’s CRUCIAL to mold a business-friendly environment so they will feel safe to expand, to hire people. Then those new hires pay taxes and we can start working toward this MASSIVE debt we’ve accumulated over the last ten years.

Our country has reached a point we are going to have to start making some hard decisions. We HAVE to start cutting spending and we’re going to have get firm about what we cut. No one will like these cuts because we’ve all gotten so used to having these benefits. But our politicians have bankrupted us – WE DON’T HAVE A CHOICE.

I’ve already resigned myself to the fact that I will likely not receive social security benefits when I reach that age. There simply isn’t any money left to pay for it. So, Kevin and I are working hard NOW to plan for THEN.

If we want our country back on track, we’re ALL going to have to make some sacrifices. And that sounds like we have a choice. I’m afraid we don’t even have that luxury anymore.

If our politicians are serious about healing this country, they will make those hard choices. If they don’t, then I think it’s the American people’s responsibility to find someone who WILL.

Sorry to rant, but this stuff has been weighing heavily on my mind. And I must say, I feel better after having vented. It’s too bad no one ever listens to me. πŸ™‚

Life-condensed, VideoPlay

Hunting for Nails

http://twitter.com/#!/writefromkaren/status/11099025021337600

I’m showing this because the roofing guys, as part of our agreement, were supposed to run a big, rolling magnet over our yard to pick up their nails after they finished the job.

As you can see, they didn’t.

Kevin just took a break to have some lunch and he’s back out there hunting for more nails right now. He’s already filled up one baggie. The thing is, when he first suggested buying a magnet so he could do this, I thought he was being anal.

Just proves how wrong I am most of the time and how grateful I am that he doesn’t listen to me all the time.

Between the neighbor dog using our yard as a toilet and now all of these nails, we’ll need full-body armor just to go outside.

It’s always something.