Category: Can We Talk?

In what area(s) of your life are you more or less following the crowd, instead of listening to your own intuition?

I’m sorry, have you MET me?

I’m not one to follow the crowd … typically. Case in point, getting the COVID jab. You can read all about my COVID experience here, but suffice it to say, it didn’t make sense to me to get an injection for a disease that a healthy person had 99% chance of recovering from. And then the government started bribing people and worse yet, THREATENED people to get this injection that seemed totally unnecessary?

Yeah – that was, and still is, a hard NO for me.

And that’s the thing. I’ll go along with the crowd if it makes sense. Someone yells fire in a building and people are running in one direction then I’m going to assume those people are running away from the fire, however, if I see that they are clearly running toward the fire yet for some reason continue to run toward the fire because everyone else is running toward the fire, you can bet your bottom dollar I will be “the weird” turning around and weaving/pushing my way through the throng of panicked people and going in the opposite direction.

Same thing when you’re checking out and everyone seems to be in one line but there are clearly other registers open. Why is no one going to an open register? Do they suspect something is wrong with the register? I’ve never understood group think. I will be the person who goes to one of the open registers because 1. it’s open, 2. it’s faster and 3. if it’s not working, well, I know that it’s not working.

People that are afraid to think for themselves baffle me. Is it a fear of being made fun of, of sticking out? Of being singled out? Of looking stupid? Of being different? WHY are people so afraid to step out of the norm when the situation calls for it? Are people afraid of what others will think of them? And why do they care what other people think of them?

Because I don’t care. I don’t know you and your opinion of me means squat. Think what you will. I can’t stop you and I don’t care to. People that are afraid to speak up, to stand out, to separate from group think, are insecure and cowardly. Again, it depends on the situation, but overall? Listen to your gut. If you feel like something is wrong, if something feels off but you can’t put your finger on it, your gut is most likely right. And if you KNOW something is wrong but you’re too scared to speak up or turn around and trudge through the throng of people, ask yourself, why? And then work on that. Because this world needs more independent thinkers and less group-think zombies.

What is your favorite candle scent?

Honeysuckle.

No, Cinnamon.

Or it could be Vanilla Sugar cookies.

The only scents I’m not crazy about are the musky scents. They smell like body odor to me. And we raised two boys – I’m over the body odor scents. ha!

I don’t burn candles anymore. I used to love them but then I noticed my ceiling was turning black from the soot so I stopped. Then I moved on to heated wax cubes, which I still burn occasionally but I can’t be bothered to clean out the dish whenever the scent burns off, too much work, so now I buy the Glade plug-ins. Which aren’t really cheap anymore, to be honest.

Actually, nothing is cheap anymore, thanks to Biden-omics.

I plug one in the kitchen, the living room and my office. I use a Bath and Body Works wall fragrance for the front bathroom because I need something with a little more …oomphf, if you get me. Kevin uses the front bathroom the most and it’s our guest bathroom, too, so I like to make sure it doesn’t smell.

Smells make me happy. Wait, let me clarify – NICE smells make me happy.

Do you love playing any sports, or just watching it?

I hate sports. No. I DESPISE sports. I’ve never really liked sports. There was a time that Kevin and I liked to watch pro football but then the idiots started taking a knee when the National Anthem played and too many athletes started getting a big head and tried to push their wack-a-doodle wokeness on us and I tapped out.

If I were to pick two spots I could probably watch, it would be football and basketball. The two sports you won’t catch me watching are baseball and golf. Too slow for me.

I’ve been to baseball games, because the tickets were free, and I want to say I’ve been to a Kansas City Chiefs game, but maybe I dreamt it – I honestly don’t remember. (Which goes to show how little I give my time to sports, on any level.

I won’t even play sports games. *yawn-drool on side of mouth*

I will never watch boxing or hockey. Any sports where the entire goal is to beat up on each other is just cringe-y. Maybe it’s because I worked with brain surgeons for so many years and saw, first hand, what traumatic brain injuries do to people … nope.

Have I played sports? Sort of. I was part of a basketball team with the YMCA when I was in middle school. We were the Wildcats. I didn’t play very long and I wasn’t very good. I also dabbled in track in high school but I didn’t have the stamina to really keep up so I dropped that, too.

Our boys were never into sports, either. Which I was also secretly glad for because I would have worried about them too much, but if they had wanted to, we would have supported it, but our kids were too geeky to bother with sports.

Kevin played tennis and was pretty good at it. He lettered in high school. We’ve played a few tennis games, emphasis on “few” and he beat the pants off me. Again, no stamina.

Which is a fancy way of saying, I’m really out-of-shape. ha!

Your turn!

Describe your comfort zone. The things you need in your life to feel safe.

I don’t have a comfort zone, I have a bubble. I always like to “jokingly”, (not really), tell people, “get out of my bubble.” I’m not a huggie person though I feel like I’m getting better and only with my family, definitely not anyone outside my family. As long as people respect my bubble, I feel happy and safe. But I’m not in a situation where I feel unsafe very often. Especially now that I work from home.

My “comfort” zone is home, in my office, the sunlight streaming through my window, the space heater thawing my bones – just peace and quiet, no drama. My family is my comfort zone.

I feel very fortunate that I have a good life. I know so many people can not say that. There are so many people who are surrounded by ugly, selfish, abusive people, who live in a perpetual state of fear and stress. I’m sorry if you’re in that situation. I hope you can get out of that situation, soon.

Life is too short to be miserable. Truly.

What is the role of most news media in shaping our beliefs for this world? Is it a message of love or one of fear they share?

Wow, this is a loaded question, buckle up, peeps.

The news media’s original role was to inform the people of what was happening locally, nationally and globally. It was created to educate people on the world outside our doors. However, these past few decades, the media no longer informs us, it tries to bully, guilt, scare us into believing whatever the agenda is for that day. It’s about preaching to us from a corrupt pulpit, to indoctrinate us to a certain way of thinking, of only ONE way of thinking. If you dare to question, or disagree, with this agenda, then the media likes to label these free thinkers insurrectionists, conspiracy theorists, far-right MAGA wackos, homophobes, transphobes, all the phobes, racists … the list goes on and on. And to my utter disbelief, people snap to attention and lock step into the group-think line because they don’t want to be labeled something, or cause any waves … and it’s just easier to go along to get along, right?

WRONG!

The big saying when I was growing up was QUESTION EVERYTHING. Now, if you so much as dare to ask a question you’re labeled difficult, a science denier and whatever else the current catch phrase of the moment is. It’s absolutely mind boggling to me that people just blindly trust the media. People still, STILL, think the media exists to tell us the truth, to inform us, and people just stare at the media with open mouths and blank stares and nod along with whatever madness blasts across our airwaves. It makes me sick how people choose to be ignorant on topics because it’s just easier to hide their heads in the sand than to stand up and say, “What a minute …”

There is no love, or good intent, when it comes to the media. They absolutely stoke fear in people because people who fear are easier to control and manipulate. Fear is a powerful emotion and the media knows this and has mastered the art of dishing it out to people every day.

This is why I’m a big proponent of getting your news from several different sources. Broaden your horizons. It’s hard to form an opinion, or justify a belief, if you don’t know the whole story and watching/listening to one news source is 100% only giving you one side of the story.

Be smart. Broaden your horizons and don’t allow the media to push you into a hole of fear.

How is the way you were raised helping you today?

My parents taught me to work hard and to be kind to others. I feel like those two attributes are missing from our youth today. It’s all about getting something for free and screw everyone else, what can YOU do for ME?

Also, empathy. Put yourself in someone’s else’s shoes, it teaches you to be patient and tolerant of others when you do that. You have no idea what kind of day someone is having, what kind of hardships they have in their life – be nice to one another. All human deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, as long as they are decent human beings to begin with.

Children nowadays … it scares me how out-of-control our young people are. They don’t value life because we’ve taught them that life is not precious, you can throw it away if you so choose. Fetuses aren’t babies, you’re not really a boy, you’re a girl, keeping secrets from your parents is encouraged, love is love, no matter the sex or the age, up is down and down is up … it’s no wonder children nowadays are sad, confused, angry and generally messed up. But you can’t really blame the children, they don’t know better, the parents, the grown ups in their lives, they know better and just don’t seem to care to make an effort anymore when it comes to raising kind, decent, human beings. I think this tweet pretty much sums it up:

I think she hits the head on the nail when she talks about how kids nowadays are raised without consequences. And then, when those consequences come and bite them in the buttocks, it’s definitely not their fault, nor their problem, but society’s problem. I’m with her, I’m genuinely concerned about this younger generation. Parents, it’s time to stop being your children’s friend and start being their parent. THEY NEED YOU.

Your turn.

What has been the main cause(s) for feelings of happiness throughout your life?

My main cause of happiness has been my independence. For marrying a man who respected my need to be independent. He has given me space and I’ve taken it – ten fold. I often think about what a miracle it is that Kevin stayed with me. I haven’t always been the easiest person to love or live with. I know this about myself. Part of my being difficult was the fact that I was, still am, FIERCELY independent. No one will tell me what to do. Period.

But maintaining my independence makes up so much of what makes me, me. I pride myself on being my own person, for having a brain that I’m not afraid to use and I own the decisions I make – good and bad. My independence has gotten me into trouble, at times, but overall, I’m proud that I didn’t lose that critical part of my personality.

I know as women, and men as well, we often lose portions of ourselves when we get married, have children, find careers. We become someone’s wife, someone’s mother, someone’s employee, or employer … we tend to lose the essence of who we are amongst all of these other identities.

There was a time I lost my essence but luckily, I found her after much searching.

I also choose to be happy. I think that’s a critical component of a happy life. No one lives to make us happy, we have to choose to be happy and be grateful for every day that we wake up.

Make a chronological list with the moments that made you who you are today when it comes to love and relationships.

I don’t have a lot of experience when it comes to love and relationships – just your average Jane, I suppose. Nothing like girls nowadays, bragging about body counts and multiple baby daddies – or maybe I’ve seen too many TikToks but here is a brief timeline of MY experience:

1981 – Broke a boy’s heart

A guy I had a lot of classes with had a crush on me. I knew this but I never acted upon it. I just wasn’t into him. We remained friends throughout High School but it was awkward and I felt bad that I couldn’t return his feelings because he was, still is, a great guy. (We don’t talk – I’ve just seen him around on Facebook – or I did – back in the days I had Facebook, I’m not on that platform anymore.

What did I learn? To be humble and sensitive to other guys’ feelings.

1983 – Student Stage Manager in Drama Class

Crushed on a popular guy in our Drama class – he was the lead actor in several of our school plays. He didn’t give me the time of day so it was a long-distance crush.

What did I learn? That I’m not everyone’s cup o’ tea and that it was okay to just be me – to not change my personality because I thought that was what a guy wanted.

1985 – My First Boyfriend

Or at least, I think he was my first boyfriend. Actually, he was my ONLY boyfriend, now that I think about it. He was a player, though. He was one of these super popular guys that cruised a popular strip in our city, because that’s what the kids did back then – it was the 80’s. And all the girls were ga-ga over him. So I was super flattered that he “picked” me but looking back, he really only picked me because something better hadn’t come along. When someone better came along, he dumped me.

What did I learn? To guard my heart. I was heart broken over that “relationship” and I built some pretty thick walls, that remain to this day, not even Kevin has tore them down, because I will NEVER be that hurt again. Period. End of story.

1990 – Got Married

Kevin and I met through at work. We worked together and he wore me down. I had no intention of ever getting married but … well, the heart wants what it wants.

What did I learn? To stop being such a cold fish and open myself up to another person. It was really hard and I still struggle with that to this day, but I’m definitely softer than I used to be. It’s a wonder Kevin wanted me at all!

1992 – Our first son was born

The love I felt in my heart for our tiny, pre-mature son, (he was born eight weeks early – no explanation – my water broke), was nothing I had ever experienced before. Mama bear was born.

What did I learn? That it’s not only possible to love outside yourself and spouse but that it’s a love so large it impossible to contain – it OVERFLOWS when you have children.

1995 – Our second son was born

Just when I didn’t think it was possible to fill my love cup anymore, along comes our second son. He was born right on time, was over eight pounds and had some STRONG lungs.

What did I learn? That a human’s ability to love knows no boundaries. It also cracked a few of those walls I built around my heart.

1997 – Trouble in Paradise

This is probably something that Kevin would prefer I not talk about but let’s keep it real – we had some MAJOR marital problems seven years into our marriage. It really just boiled down to growing pains. We were becoming different people and we were having trouble adjusting to those changes. He was being a jerk and I was being a b*tch and we were both stubborn enough to not listen, really LISTEN, to one another. We toyed with the idea of speaking to marriage counselor but in the end, we both agreed that we were two intelligent adults and we could work this out. And we did. It was rough going for a bit but we persevered and our marriage ended up being stronger for the struggle.

What did I learn? Humility. Patience. And to think outside of myself. Stop being so selfish and unrelenting. I learned how to compromise and give more of myself without losing myself. We both did a lot of growing up in that time period. It was necessary to our journey but 0/10, would not recommend.

Of course, there are A LOT of holes in this timeline but they are not experiences I wish to put out into the Ethernet but these were pretty pivotal moments in my life. These experiences, and more, really molded and shaped me into the person I am today. Love is always growing and changing and the challenge is to grow and change with it.

Pick a worry you have in your life right now. Now write down one or two ways to look at it with humor.

Humor is my defense. I would rather laugh than cry. And honestly, most things are not that serious, not really.

I worry about our boys, my mom, Kevin’s parents, money, my job … the normal stuff but there is a time and place for humor. I use humor a lot to deflect from my own feelings – I compartmentalize and tend to shut doors on strong emotions. I will open those doors and re-evaluate when I’m ready.

I have a tendency to crack jokes a lot. I seem to have a knack for one liners and zingers – at least, that’s what they told me at work – when I was working with people. Humor tends to distract people and it certainly diffuses situations. Even if you can make people crack a smile, it helps de-escalate events.

Your turn!

In what area of your life are you most successful? What lessons can you learn from that?

Happy New Year!

To answer the question: I would like to think I have several areas of my life that I’m successful – wife, mother, daughter, sister … but I think an area that I’m really proud of is my working life. I know I’ve said this before, my apologizes if you’ve heard this one, feel free to roll your eyes and snort in annoyance, but I’m proud of my accomplishments in the medical field. When I started, I knew nothing – NOTHING. It was a whole new language for me and I would go home crying because I was so confused and lost. Part of the reason was because the person who trained me was a crappy trainer, but a lot of the reason was because I knew nothing about the medical field. Then, my scheduler position was eliminated and I became a medical assistant because if I didn’t want to be a medical assistant I was told I would need to get another job. I didn’t want to go through the job process again, plus, my family was on my heath insurance so I became a medical assistant – against my better judgement. I had ZERO experience and again, training was crap so I literally learned on the job as I went along. I was so stressed out that I actually ended up in the ER – twice – because I thought I was having a heart attack, (I wasn’t), but I figured it out, by golly, and I got quite good at it.

Lessons I learned from that experience? Don’t give up. I persevered and I conquered. I wouldn’t want to repeat that deer-in-a-headlight experience again any time soon, but I’m glad I stuck it out. I feel like it made me stronger and more flexible at dealing with unexpected crap that gets thrown at me and I’m WAY more chill when that happens.

What words of advice would your 80-year-old self give to you now?

RELAX! Stop living in the future. Time already goes by so fast why you want to hurry things along? I’ve always been the kind of person who lives in the future – what do I need to do tomorrow? What am I wearing? What am I eating? Tomorrow is planned out today, what about appreciating what has been and what is happening right now? I’m trying very hard to live in the moment. To appreciate all the little things and just … breathe. It’s really true what they say, time goes faster the older you get. It’s scary, quite frankly.

DUDE – it’s already 2024!!!

What has been the main cause(s) for feelings of unhappiness throughout your life?

I don’t know that I’ve felt unhappy, per se, sure, there are days when I’m feeling depressed or just plain sad, but I would describe my overall feeling of … dissatisfaction throughout life.

I married my best friend and we’re still happy to this day. We have two boys, men now, that are GOOD PEOPLE. Our families, both sides, are really good people as well – no trouble makers, no one’s in jail, no one’s on drugs … we live in a nice house that’s paid off, we drive nice cars that are also paid off. Kevin just retired – I like my job … ish.

What’s to be dissatisfied about?

That’s an excellent question and I’m not sure I can put my finger on the exact answer. But I have a recurring dream, I’ve had it for YEARS AND YEARS where I’m supposed to be somewhere but the journey getting there is exhausting. There are so many obstacles in my way that I’m constantly having to take detours and physically fight sheer exhaustion to keep any type of forward momentum. I literally dream like I’m in a maze sometimes and just when I think I can see the end, it’s like someone reached in, grabbed the end and pulled it further away from me so that now the goal is distorted and further away. Just writing this makes my heart beat faster – it’s so frustrating!!

At the end of this destination, this journey that never ends, is a goal. I don’t know what the goal is but I’m desperate to reach it. Sometimes, I wake up mentally depleted and overly grumpy because I chased that damn goal all night long!

It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out what is going on here – I’ve always dreamed of being a writer but I’ve never really written anything. Well, of substance, I guess.

I don’t put much stock in woo-woo dream stuff, but I found a possible explanation that resonated with me:

When an obstacle appears in a dream, it presents you with an objective view of how you use the word ‘but’ as a roadblock. Whenever this word is used in a sentence, it negates the power of whatever preceded it. “I want to be healthy, but…” I know I should study tonight, but…” Obstacles present a tangible vehicle that allows you to understand how you get stuck. In the dream, you are attempting to do something, but there is an obstacle. Source

This aligns perfectly with my frustration of not obtaining my writing dream. There is always a BUT whenever I think, or talk, about my writing dreams.

Your turn!