Author: Karen

Hi! My day job is a CMA in the Precertificiation Department (I work with insurance companies). I'm a mom to two young men. I've been married to the same man for 34 years. I have a lot to say about nothing. Lucky you.
Parenting

Coping with Our Children’s Mistakes

Karen

Don’t forget to submit your Coffee Chat links!

**Warning: rant ahead. Proceed at your own risk. 🙂

You tell your kids not to smoke; it’s nasty, it’ll give them lung cancer, it’s expensive and will make their breath and clothes smell like an ashtray. You don’t smoke yourself.

They take up smoking anyway.

You lecture your kids on the dangers of drugs. It’s addictive. It can ruin their lives. It can change their personalities.

They do drugs anyway.

You tell your kids that abstinence is best, to wait until they are married before having sex. You tell them that waiting is the right thing to do and that it’s God’s will for them to wait until marriage before taking the plunge.

And they have sex anyway. And then they either get a girl pregnant or come home pregnant.

As the parent, is that somehow your fault? You’ve educated your children. You’ve made sure they were armed with intelligent information so that when the time came, and it will, don’t fool yourselves, that they have to make a choice, and they make the “wrong” choice, did you fail them as a parent? Should you be the one to accept the responsibility for their actions?

You can only hope and pray that they make the right decision when you’re not around. You can’t watch them 24/7. ESPECIALLY when they become teenagers, or start driving, or dating, or stuck at a party where they are doing illegal things.

How is that the parents’ fault?

I don’t discuss politics on this blog, mainly because I’m simply not articulate enough to discuss them on an intelligent level – there are so many blogs out there that do a much better job than I do. But when I read, on some other blogs today, the judgmental, hypocritical attitudes about Sarah Palin’s daughter, well, it got my blood boiling.

There comes a point in your life, as a parent, when you no longer have the luxury of making your children’s decisions. They reach a point in their lives, where they must make their own decisions and suffer the consequences of those decisions. Our jobs, as parents, is to make sure they are well equipped with information before they reach that step in their lives. And IF they make a bad choice, or they make an unintentional mistake, it’s our jobs as parents to be supportive and walk them through that bad choice. NOT clean it up for them, but be there if they need us.

And teenagers are still kids, albeit big ones, they will need us.

The self-righteous lectures about how Mrs. Palin is being hypocritical by standing up and preaching abstinence when her daughter is pregnant is unrealistic. As parents, we can preach our morals and beliefs until we’re blue in the face – that does not mean our children will heed our lectures.

I just don’t understand the logic behind the controversy – do you WANT Palin to stand up and say, “Oh well, since my daughter is now pregnant it’s rather stupid of me to preach abstinence to every other American teenager so you know, go for it.” That makes no sense whatsoever.

If anything, it shows people that Palin has a life outside of politics. Is it imperfect? Of course. Is she dealing with her daughter’s bad decision with grace? Absolutely. They are going to take care of the baby. Which in my eyes means they are taking responsibility and are putting that innocent baby first.

AND, if anything else, it also proves that if, and or when, Palin gets into the White House, she’ll be even more sympathetic to young girls who find themselves in the same situation and perhaps that will goad her into backing programs that help these young girls.

Sure, we would PREFER if our kids didn’t have kids, but let’s be real folks, stuff happens. They made a bad choice and now what? We stand by and shake our fingers at them? That’s not what they need, they need our support and to help them make the decision that is right for their lives.

And thank God we still have choices in this country.

I don’t know when people are going to start accepting the fact that these politicians? Have lives outside of politics. And they’re human, they have and will continue to lead flawed lives.

Do we expect them to lead a better-than-most-life to set an example? Of course. When you’re in the public eye, you SHOULD lead your life by example. But look at actors – you think THEY’RE perfect? People in the public eye have money and power – life is full of temptations as is, can you imagine how tempting it would be to make a bad decision with money and power to back it up?

We’re human. We make mistakes. When are we going to stop judging other people for those mistakes?

If my son gets into drugs, does that make me a bad mom? No, it makes me the mom of a troubled teen. My son was persuaded to step over that dark line, despite our talks about the evils of drugs, now it’s my job to help him step back into a healthy life. Would I be hurt and disappointed by his decision? Of course. But the situation isn’t about me, it’s about my son. Would I then start preaching to other kids that it’s okay to do drugs because my son made a bad choice and is now doing drugs just so I don’t appear hypocritical?

Do you see how asinine that argument is?

Please stop being so judgmental and let’s look at the bigger picture here. Let’s support our young people and concentrate on making sure they have all of the information they need to begin with so they will HOPEFULLY make the right decision WHEN (and don’t fool yourself, the time will come) that happens.

And by the way, I’d feel this way if it was the Obama family. This issue isn’t about whose side of the political fence you’re on, it’s about taking responsibility, standing up for what you believe is right and it’s about helping a young girl who made a mistake and didn’t heed her parents wishes.

Sidenote: My opinion for Senator Obama just went up about five notches. Here’s what he said about the Palin pregnancy “scandal”:

“Let me be as clear as possible,” Obama said. “I think people’s families are off-limits, and people’s children are especially off-limits. This shouldn’t be part of our politics. It has no relevance to Gov. Palin’s performance as governor or her potential performance as a vice president.”

Obama said reporters should “back off these kinds of stories” and noted that he was born to an 18-year-old mother.

“How a family deals with issues and teenage children, that shouldn’t be the topic of our politics, and I hope that anybody who is supporting me understands that’s off-limits.”

Bravo Senator, bravo.

Okay sorry. Rant is over.

Life

Let’s Talk About Men

Karen

Don’t forget to submit your Coffee Chat links!

Now that’s a loaded title, don’t you think? I can’t claim to KNOW men, but I can claim to UNDERSTAND men – at least, on an elemental level.

I’ve never had very many girlfriends. And this was a conscious decision on my part. Women … irritate me. I can’t handle all of the emotional crap that women put themselves through on a daily basis. I mean, sure, I have emotions too, but I honestly try not to take my emotions out on those around me. (Unless of course that emotion has anything to DO with that person and then watch out, mister).

But I have days when I’m feeling snarky … just because. I could blame it on hormones, and I suppose that that’s true to an extent, but there are days I just feel cranky and everything sets me off. I feel it, I recognize it and I tell my guys, “Hey. I am feeling on edge today so please, don’t push my buttons.” Of course, if they elect to push my buttons *cough*GD*cough*, then they deserve what they get, no?

I’ve learned over the years, and through many, many ugly moments (like nearly getting fired), that it’s not fair to take my bad moods out on those around me. Whether that’s family, friends, co-workers or stupid drivers. It’s MY problem and I’LL deal with it.

I recognize this irrational behavior in myself and it irritates the ever loving crap out of me when I’m around women who DON’T recognize it. I just want to take them by the shoulders, shake them until their teeth rattle and snarl into their face, “Get a hold of yourself, woman!”

Apparently, I have anger issues as well. But that’s another post.

So, I’ve always been one of those females who got along better with the guys than with the girls. Guys are so … different. They’re simple and mellow. They don’t play head games and though they may not tell you how they feel, it’s not hard to figure it out because, well, they’re simple.

And I’m not saying that in a disparaging way, that’s just the way they are programmed.

I knew all of this on a fundamental level growing up but it wasn’t until I took some communication classes in college (not that those classes taught me anything about the opposite sex but rather taught me HOW to communicate on a non-threatening level – which, incidentally, I think everyone should learn), and listened to Dr. Laura that I truly began to understand how men tick.

They are “do” creatures. They are natural problem solvers. So when we feel like whining or just blowing off steam, they feel helpless because they feel a need to “fix” whatever it is that’s bothering us, unless we tell them otherwise. (“I just need to vent. You don’t need to do anything, just listen to me for five minutes, okay?”)

I think taking the initiative to learn more about men has helped my relationship with my husband. I “get” him. I do. I understand his thought process and I have learned, over the years, what irritates him and what pleases him. I can even tell what he’s thinking by his facial expressions and how he’s going to react by his body language. HOW did I learn all of this?

By paying attention.

I think women are so self-centered nowadays. It’s all about how SHE feels, or how SHE deals with things. It’s a selfish attitude and one that I think gets women into trouble – a lot.

Look. I realize women have it harder. We are responsible for so many things on both a physical and emotional level. I get that. I live that. But we’re not the tougher sex for no reason – it’s because we can handle it. And we can handle our relationships better if we know where the men are coming from.

It really is true that all we have to do is bat our eyelashes and act all slutty flirty to get our men to do what we want. Take it or lump it, that’s just the way it is.

But they’re also human beings with feelings and they don’t like being treated as if they are stupid or inadequate any less than we do. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been out shopping and witnessed a woman berating her husband and generally treating him like a child with little to no brain in front of a crowd of people. Poor guy. Perhaps he does deserve to be berated, men aren’t perfect and they can certainly be jerks at times, but NO ONE deserves to be publicly humiliated. If you are honestly having trouble communicating with your spouse, then seek counseling, not a public audience.

How is bursting his eardrum going to help the situation?

And yes, of course I’ve done it. I think all women lose their cool with their boyfriends/husbands out in public at one time or another. It’s frustrating to get them to focus sometimes. But the few times I’ve raised my voice or made angry gestures at my husband in public … well, I paid for it later. He let me know, in no uncertain terms (after we were alone) that he WOULD NOT tolerate being treated like that. Period. And when I stepped back from the situation and looked at it from his point of view, I was ashamed of myself.

No human being should ever be treated like that. He deserves so much better than my bitchy attitude. And I learned a lot about myself after those episodes, too.

Even though I can claim to know my husband, I can’t claim to know all men. Other men have different personalities, different backgrounds, and different emotional issues. And as a result of not knowing these things, I actively pursue the knowledge. I read a ton of relationship articles online. I enjoy reading “men’s” magazines and reading advice columns for men. A lot of times, I’m surprised by the sheer simplicity of the questions and answers – it seems so obvious to us women, but not to these poor guys. They aren’t good at “assuming” things – a lot of times it’s either black or white with them.

They don’t DO the whole reading between the lines thing like we can.

I also read Letter’s from Johns. In addition, I read blogs by prostitutes, too. Not for the sleaze factor (though that can be debatable depending on your definition of sleaze), but because I’m truly curious to know WHY men feel compelled to cheat. And I’m truly curious to know WHY women choose to be prostitutes.

The rationale, or reasons, for doing what they do is just fascinating to me. Sometimes, I find myself rolling my eyes and thinking, “that’s just an excuse to get out of DEALING with [insert issue here].” But other times, I can see where they are coming from. And reading these perspectives helps me for two reasons:

1. It shows me what NOT to do in my own relationship – so, in essence, I learn from their experiences.

2. It gives me an inside look at human nature. Which, in turn, will help me write better stories.

I hope.

Now before any of you think I approve of men seeking prostitutes or that I think it’s okay for women to turn tricks, I don’t. But it’s reality. And for the most part, it makes me feel sorry for these people who have, for whatever reasons, decided to turn down this path. They’re all seeking something … something they aren’t receiving in their “real” lives. There’s an element missing from their lives and I find that incredibly sad. What a terrible way to live – to feel incomplete in some way and desperate enough to try and find it down this particular dark alley.

So yes, I read about the darker sides of relationships. I do it to learn and observe the male species.

And I’ve learned A LOT.

Monday Morning Meme

Monday Morning Meme – September 1st

Karen

All you have to do is answer the questions below either in the comment section, or on your blog. And elaborate! Make these questions show your unique and special personalities. This meme entry will post at 12:01 every Monday morning and will be the first postentry listed on WFK all day Monday morning. (This is an all-day Monday meme, so please, play all day!)

Monday Morning Meme at writefromkaren.com

September 1st Questions:

1. If you mixed up the letters in the name of your blog, what new name would you come up with? (Anagram fun website – http://wordsmith.org/anagram/) Now take your favorite anagram and tell us what sort of blog it might be based on that title.

2. What three sounds do you love? Okay, now tell us WHY you love these sounds.

3. What is it about you that makes everyone want to know you? Wait, you’re not done yet. Now tell us WHY that one particular thing? What makes that element of yourself so special? (Come on, don’t be shy. This is your opportunity to write about something positive about yourself).

4. What is the oldest thing you own? What is the newest?

Monday Morning Meme Participants

1. Marianne
2. Sue		 3. Judy
4. Dawn\’s Daily Life		 5. annie
6. Jen at mommablogsalot

Powered by… Mister Linky’s Magical Widgets.

Life

Labor Day Wrap-up

Karen

I apologize if this entry is boring, but considering I blog to journal my life, and this is what we did over Labor Day weekend … well, it’s a bit tedious. I remember my grandmother used to write in a diary and she would document her days, the weather, what she had to eat, what she wore, the conversations she had and though that sounds boring on the surface, it wasn’t. In fact, it was strangely … comforting to read about her mundane life.

I miss you grandma.

I’m writing this from Cooper Creek Campground in Branson, Missouri. We arrived at the park Friday night at 5:30. We had to rush to get going after the boys got out of school and as a result, we forgot quite a few things.

But we’ve adapted.

The campground is packed – there isn’t an empty site to be found. The weather has been perfect – sunny and mid-80’s. The air coming off the lake is cool and refreshing.

And judging by the weather reports, we took this camping trip just in time – Hurricane Gustav (?) is heading toward the Gulf of Mexico and though that weather won’t affect us for a few days, it will indeed affect us – we have rain in the forecast for most of next week.

The only flies in our perfect ointment are:

We’re surrounded by dogs and children. The dogs howl and bark, the children scream and cry. We actually saw one little guy wipe out on his bike when he zoomed past us on the hill, swerved, lost control, sailed over the handlebars and fall face first on the gravel and concrete.

He wasn’t wearing a helmet. Luckily, the boy was okay and walked away, his lower lip trembling as he tried to absorb his stinging wounds. Why his parents allowed him (this boy couldn’t have been more than six) to ride his bike without safety gear on, in my opinion, is not only foolhardy but a form of child abuse.

All four of us witnessed the little boy fall – the husband and I thanked the Lord that he wasn’t our little boy and our boys walked away learning the importance of protecting themselves in precarious situations.

The bathrooms? Are ½ mile away from our campsite. In fact, we are in the next to last campsite in the park. I made the reservations at the last minute and we were lucky to get a spot at all. I usually request a space near the bathrooms (we use our camper bathroom as a storage closet – though this trip the guys did use it for peeing only. Not me, I’d rather hike the ½ mile to the bathrooms – I’m funny like that) but unfortunately, I forgot this go-around and now we I have had to hike to take a pee and a shower.

But I’m not complaining too loudly, it gives me the opportunity to walk off the excess food that I’ve been eating (there’s just something about camping and pigging out).

The neighbors to our left moved in late last night. In fact, we didn’t even know we HAD neighbors until we woke up this morning. It was really weird because when I woke up, started the coffee maker and opened the shades, it was like looking into a mirror. Our neighbor’s camper? Almost an exact replica as ours. The only difference is that they have a slide out – we do not.

I’m jealous.

They are from Oklahoma. The guy is a big dude – not fat, just big. The woman is thin and attractive and they have one lone boy with them – he’s about GD’s age – and painfully skinny. They have one small, quiet, brown and white Chihuahua that shakes whenever they take it for a walk.

All three people are wearing the same shirt so I’m assuming they are here for some sort of family reunion or some sort of organizational meeting.

The neighbors on our other side are two men. They are both large and overly hairy. I know this because they sit around their campground without shirts on. They are the only ones in the campground that are using a tent. They are driving a brownish-tan Dodge Ram 2500 pulling a very long and well used fishing boat. They left early this morning and are now back (5:00 pm.) and sitting in front of their tent watching various cars and people pass by.

They’re a bit creepy. They don’t talk very much, but they seem comfortable in each other’s presence. I have no idea if they caught any fish but judging by their self-satisfied expressions, I’m assuming they did.

This is the first time we’ve camped here that we haven’t been able to access WiFi. As a result, we’ve had to walk down to the office and use the small platforms they have nailed to the wall and sit on the hard, uncomfortable stools to check our email. The boys have been pretty bored without Internet, but they have adapted by playing around with a laptop the husband saved from a co-worker who was just going to throw it away. The husband simply reformatted it and it works like a charm now. The co-worker didn’t want it back (he had already bought a new laptop), so now the boys have a computer they can goof around with. And they have been the whole camping trip.

Isn’t it amazing what people are willing to throw away? One person’s trash, is another person’s treasure. *smile*

For me? I was disappointed at first whenever I first discovered I couldn’t establish a connection from our camper, but it’s been very nice to be FORCED away from cyber world.

I needed the break. Especially since these past few days have been insanely busy for me and I’ve been on the computer and working nearly 12-hour days.

We treated the boys to Bandana BBQ for dinner Friday night. I felt grungy, sweaty and completely underdressed, but Branson is a tourist town and they are used to seeing grungy, sweaty people.

Saturday, the husband I went to the new bookstore called “Books-A-Million” or BAM for short. In short, it’s a Barnes and Noble type of establishment and it was quite busy.

I was quite pleased to see people milling around. You hear how less and less people are actually reading and it was encouraging to see that at least in my area, that’s not entirely true.

I walked away from the bookstore with “Killer Smile” by Lisa Scottoline and “The PMS Murder” by Laura Levine. I like to try and buy at least one book from an author I’m not familiar with whenever I visit the bookstore.

I need to stop buying books and start reading books – my personal library is taking over the house.

Saturday night, we took the boys go-cart racing and it cost us $30.00. It was the best $30.00 we’ve spent in a long time. The cars were fast and the boys beat the pants off of me and the husband. In fact, I was a whole lap down from them. But judging by their flushed cheeks and excited lap recounts, they had a ball and we made another fun childhood memory.

After go-carts, we went putt-putting. We went to a very popular dinosaur-themed course and the place was wall-to-wall people. In fact, the back nine was so backed up we ended up standing around as opposed to actually playing. But the people were friendly and everyone was in good spirits so we had a good time.

The boys beat the pants off us again. Isn’t it amazing how kids adapt to sports/games? I felt awkward and stupid, but it was fun to be teased by the boys so I got over my feelings of inadequacy. *grin*

After we finished golfing, we went for ice cream. The husband and GD had chocolate malts, MK had a vanilla ice cream cup (he won’t eat any other flavor ice cream), I had a raspberry concrete.

Oh. My. Gosh. That raspberry concrete was TO DIE FOR. Very scrumptious and definitely a new favorite. It’s a good thing we’re so far from the bathrooms, I’ll definitely need to walk that those calories off.

We ended up spending $85. (I need to stop keeping a running total in my head. How can you put a dollar sign on family moments?) But we really had a great family night together and I’m so glad the husband and I decided to do this camping thing. You’ve heard me talk about how much work it is. And how uncomfortable it can be, but by golly, we’ve had the best times in our camper and we’ve walked away with some pretty fun stories in the process. I’m quite confident the boys will tell their kids about their camping trips with grandma and grandpa. *grin*

It’s now 7:57 a.m. Sunday morning. I’m the first one up, the guys are all sleeping in. It’s a cool, crisp morning and I wish I had brought some sweats with me. I just got back from the restrooms and I have goosebumps. The park is quiet, but it’s slowly coming to life. I can hear various birds chirping their morning songs and an occasional bump as people move about their RV’s.

I can smell bacon and coffee in the air – there is NOTHING like smelling bacon cooking at your campground early in the morning. It’s very … real and comforting.

I’m drinking my morning coffee and after I finish writing this, I’ll head to the showers. We really have nothing on tap for today’s activities. We’ll most likely spend a lazy day around the camper, though the husband and I will probably head out to some craft booths later today – I have a craving to buy a Christmas ornament (I have no idea why).

We might walk down to the lake and just sit and watch the people fish off the pier or the boats slowly float past. We don’t have anything planned for this evening, either. We’ll most likely pop some popcorn and watch a movie … or not. That’s the beauty of these little camping getaways – anything goes – our plans are wide open.

We’ll head back home tomorrow morning. We’re only about 45 minutes from home, so we’ll get home and unpack well before lunch. I’ll most likely catch up on laundry and clean the camper out, then I’ll catch up on emails and various other duties. We’ll have a relaxing afternoon at home before the kids go back to school and the husband goes back to work on Tuesday.

And life will resume its hectic, but very satisfying, pace.

_________________________________

Coffee Chat at writefromkaren.com
It’s time for another Coffee Chat session! Need something to blog about? How about telling us a bit more about you? (And there’s prizes!!)

Abundant Life

Teaching: Tools for Basic Bible Study, Part One

Karen

Every Sunday I provide videos and valuable links to the Truth or Tradition teachings. We’ve been following the Truth or Tradition teachings for many years now and they have truly blessed our family. We have found peace and happiness through our beliefs and we walk confidently for God. My hope, by passing on this information to you, is that what you find here, or on the Truth or Tradition website, will guide you to a better, more blessed and abundant life.

If you would like to read my views on religion and how we got started with the ministry, you can read this.

Let’s get started:

From the Bible Study Guide

Where should we begin to read the Bible?

The Bible is a large book, and it may take years of reading it for a person to feel he has a grasp on it. The student of the Bible should be not be defeated by this, but rather make sure that he regularly takes time to read it. A large amount of the Bible is easy to read and understand, and anyone who reads it faithfully will know a lot in a short amount of time.

Furthermore, if the Bible is read in the same way as any other large book, perhaps an hour a day or a few days a week, which is a lot less than the TV most people watch, it should only take a few months at most to get all the way through it. By the time a person has read the Bible several times many things that were confusing at first will be much easier to understand. Most people do not dedicate much time to reading it, however, and many become discouraged by things they do not understand.

Reading a good Study Bible can make reading easier because some of the questions that beginning readers always seem to have are answered right in the notes on the page, and any accompanying maps and illustrations make it much easier to keep up with biblical record.

Some key points from the video:

Loving God with all your mind. God gave us a mind, we’re supposed to understand the Bible. The Bible says that we are supposed to meditate on it and get to know it.

We should take time out of our daily schedules to study the Bible. The Bible requires study just as any subject does.

If people do not learn the keys to the Bible, they are relegated to going to someone and asking them what they think it means.

One Key: natural curiosity or desire to learn. We want to read and develop a natural curiosity about it.

Vodpod videos no longer available.


(If this video will not play for you, you can find the original file on this page).

If you have any questions, or would like to learn more about God’s wonderful message, please visit the Truth or Tradition website. You can also keep track of the ministry through their Facebook page.

Next week, part two. Thank you for visiting and God bless.

Giveaway/Contests

Coffee Chat Writing Project – September 2008

Karen

Coffee Chat at writefromkaren.com

Are you ready to submit your blog links?

If you know what to do, please feel free to skip this introduction and put your links into the Mr. Linky script below. If you subscribed to my feed, don’t forget to leave me a comment so I can add another ticket for you to the pot!

If you’re scratching your head, wondering what in the world I’m talking about …

Coffee Chat is a group writing project. A group writing project is when a specified writing prompt is provided and writers/bloggers from around the ‘sphere write a post based on that prompt, post it to their blogs and then provide a link back in a common entry so that others can read their interpretation of said prompt.

It’s also a chance to write a fresh blog post, or posts (perhaps you have blogger’s block?), share the link love, and of course, discover new voices and make new friends. Coffee Chat is also a chance for us to get to know YOU a little better. So, most of the writing prompts will be generic questions about your past, present and (possibly?) future life events. Coffee Chat is a venue you can stop, drink some coffee (or your favorite beverage) and take a moment to appreciate, reflect, and SHARE, your life with the blogging community.

To read the full rules and guidelines, visit this page.

The writing prompts for this Coffee Chat are:

1. What do you remember MOST about being a kid?

2. Long before you met your significant other, what did you picture your future mate would be like?

Write about one, or both prompts (separate posts, please), if you wish.

Your posts can be fiction, or nonfiction – interpret these prompts any way you wish – whatever inspires you.

You have two weeks to write a blog entry based on one, or both, writing prompts. When you’re finished, leave the PERMALINK to your blog entry in the Mr. Linky script. I will update readers periodically with who has submitted their links so far. I will draw two winners September 15th – the first winner receives a $25 Amazon.com gift certificate, the second winner receives a $10 Starbucks gift certificate (I’ll need the address of the second winner as I’ll be actually buying these myself).

Good luck and HAVE FUN!!!