Author: Karen

Hi! My day job is a CMA in the Precertificiation Department (I work with insurance companies). I'm a mom to two young men. I've been married to the same man for 34 years. I have a lot to say about nothing. Lucky you.
Fiction Friday

[Fiction] Friday: Fantasy Leap

Karen

Ginny tapped her pen against her pad of paper. She nervously chewed on her lower lip and looked toward the clock: ten minutes before class was dismissed.

She wasn’t sure she would last another ten minutes.

*tap-tap-tap*

“So, the author did a good job of telling us about the scene,” one overweight woman piped up, her beady black eyes sliding to Ginny with malicious intent, “but that’s the problem, she TOLD us, she didn’t SHOW us. Her description lacked imagination. I actually found myself nodding off a few times.” She looked around the classroom to search for confirmation of her opinion; her thin lips curled into a derisive grin.

Ginny thought her mouth looked like the tilde character on a keyboard. She’d never be able to use that particular key again without thinking about the obnoxious fat woman in her creative writing class.

*tap-tap-tap*

Ginny stole a few glances herself and noticed no one was even paying attention to the woman. She felt her shoulders relax somewhat and withheld a smirk of satisfaction. Though no one had come right out and said it, she sensed that the 20 some-odd number of students couldn’t stand this particular woman. Ginny couldn’t even remember her name, quite frankly.

Shelby. Sarah. Sally. Something with an S. Or did it start with a W? Her brow furrowed as she tried to think of the name.

*tap-tap-tap*

“I have to disagree with you,” the instructor interjected, his soft gaze staring a hole into Ginny’s downcast skull. “I thought the writer did an excellent job walking the reader down this particular path. I not only saw what was going on, I felt the girl’s uncertainty and certainly her fear.”

“Did we read the same story?” the woman snorted out with a snarky chuckle.

Ginny’s entire body tensed at the woman’s sarcasm. She suddenly had a vision of this woman crossing the street and smacking headlong into a speeding bus. Or would it be a train? The woman was so fat, a bus might not be enough to stop her.

She smirked to herself.

*tap-tap-tap*

“Actually, I was wondering the same thing,” another girl spoke up. Ginny glanced at the girl from under her lashes. “Because the points you’re trying to make don’t even apply to this particular story. Did you even read the right story?”

*tap-tap- …*

Ginny, along with everyone else stilled. The tension was nearly palpable.

The woman spurted a nervous chuckle. “Of course I read the right story. ‘Midnight’ by Lisa Coleman.”

The entire room groaned and Ginny could have sworn she heard one guy mutter “idiot” under his breath.

“Actually, we’re supposed to be critiquing ‘Violet’ by Ginny Matthews,” the instructor said.

Ginny glanced at the woman – her face was ashen and her massive frame seemed to have shrunk within itself leaving only rolls of fatty tissue. She looked like a turtle minus its shell. It was actually quite fascinating to watch and she jotted a few notes down in her notebook to record her observations. She would use it the next time she wrote about a character’s discomfort.

“Annnd I think this would be a good place to stop,” the instructor said. The students immediately began to shuffle papers and stuff notebooks and pens back into their book bags. “Ginny. Do you want to talk about your story next time, or should we move on to the next one?”

She raised a palm and offered a shy smile. “I’m good.”

“Alright then,” the instructor said, raising his voice to be heard over the commotion. “We’ll begin with Todd’s story on Thursday. Have a great day, everyone.”

“Ginny!” a girl’s voice sounded behind her, but Ginny pretended not to hear her and scurried out of the room as fast as she could without actually running people down.

Thank God that was over. Now she could get back to her characters.

She had missed them.

She walked through the campus and back to her dorm room, her head lowered, her eyes trained on the sidewalk in front of her. She immediately shut the world out around her and turned her thoughts to her story … to Violet.

Things were heating up and she wasn’t sure where to take the story next.

She let herself into her room, threw her book bag onto her bunk and immediately booted up her laptop. She was relieved to see her roommate was already gone for the day. Lori was a peppy, outgoing girl and though Ginny liked her, she didn’t feel very comfortable around her. Lori was constantly trying to get her to do things with her and she simply didn’t want to. She was much happier immersing herself into her fantasy worlds.

Grabbing a Diet Dr. Pepper (it was all Lori kept in the fridge, she personally preferred unsweetened tea), she sat down at the desk and opened Violet’s file.

“Hey, it’s about time you showed up,” a voice beckoned her and Ginny smiled and began to relax for the first time since leaving her room that morning.

“I’m so glad that’s over,” she said. “You wouldn’t believe what that fat witch did today.”

“Oh?” Violet stretched out onto the love seat beside her. “Do tell.”

“She had nothing but stupid things to say, as usual,” Ginny smirked. “But get this, she was ripping the wrong story to shreds!”

Violet burst out laughing and Ginny followed suit.

“What a dork,” Violet said and Ginny nodded her agreement.

A few moments slid by while the girls surrendered to their amusement.

“So, what am I doing today?” Violet asked and stood up.

“I’m thinking a little romance,” Ginny said, her eyes trained on the screen in front of her.

“Oooh, I like that,” Violet said.

“Are you ready?”

“Ready for what?”

“To get back into the story?” Ginny said, turning to face her beloved character.

“But I like it out here,” Violet whined.

“Oh trust me, this world,” she gestured to her laptop, “is much, MUCH better.”

Violet studied her creator for long moments before nodding. “Fine. I’ll go. But you have to come with me.”

“What?”

“Come with,” said Violet with a charming smile.

“I can’t go with you,” Ginny sputtered with a nervous laugh.

“Why not?”

“Because … that’s not possible. It’s crazy.”

Violet gave her a snicker. “And talking to me isn’t crazy?”

“Well,” she swallowed before answering, “no.”

“You’ve been manipulating me for weeks now,” Violet said. “I think it’s time you stepped into the world you created and experience it first hand.”

“But ..” Ginny swallowed the basketball-sized lump in her throat and felt her chest begin to heat up. “What if I can’t get back?”

“You said yourself, it’s MUCH better in there. Why would you want to come back?”

Ginny opened her mouth to reply and then promptly shut it. Why indeed.

Violet gave a toss of her long, raven black hair before dissipating before Ginny’s eyes. “Last one in is a rotten egg!” And with that, she disappeared.

Ginny’s gaze shifted from the space where Violet had been moments before to the laptop in front of her.

A drop of sweat trickled down between her breasts.

Could she?

Should she?

“I’m waiting,” Violet’s voice came from the screen.

She ran a hand through her short, spiky hair and looked around the room. What exactly was she leaving behind anyway? No one ever paid attention to her. She didn’t have any friends, other than Violet. Who would miss her?

Ginny closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and jumped …

_________________________

Fiction Friday

[Fiction] Friday Challenge for June 19th, 2009:

Include this line in your story…(your character) closed his/her eyes, took a deep breath, and jumped

Friday Fun

Aloha Friday

Karen

null

Aloha! Kailani is the brain-child behind this fun Friday meme. If you feel inclined to answer my question, please post your answer in the comment section. Sound fun? Of course it does! Want to answer more questions? Hop over to An Island Life and play along!

(Please feel free to answer the question below, even if you’re not playing Aloha Friday!)

My question:

What lessons do you hope to instill in your kids?

Courtesy and respect are the two most uppermost in my mind at the moment.

I’ve always taught my boys to be respectful and to put themselves in other people’s shoes, but here lately, Dude has been rather … self-serving.

I don’t know if it’s because he’s a teenager and teenagers just naturally think the world revolves around them, or if he honestly doesn’t know, or care (!), about being rude to others, but he insists on putting himself first.

Case in point:

We were at my nephew’s graduation party. And my sister-in-law and her family? Know a TON of people. They are very active in the homeschool community as well as with their church community and to say these people don’t know a stranger would be, well, accurate.

They know everyone. (It’s weird being out with them. Everyone stops to say hello to at least one of them).

Anyway, it was raining. Not storming, just a steady, heavy downpour. We hadn’t planned on staying very long because we knew their house would be crowded (boy, was it), and we wouldn’t know anyone there other than family (which we didn’t) and we didn’t want to get in anyone’s way and/or feel like the weirdos standing by themselves in the corner (which we were and did).

So, we congratulated my nephew, dropped off his card and were on our way out the door when we encountered a young woman carting a baby around in a car seat/baby carrier.

I opened the door for her and stood aside so she could enter smoothly and not have to stand out in the rain any longer than she needed to.

And my two boys (because Jazz is just as guilty), followed me out and in fact, had to squeeze past me and the woman with the baby, in order to exit the house.

I was so embarrassed that my two boys either didn’t KNOW not to step back and allow this poor woman by or didn’t CARE enough to step aside and allow the poor woman past.

I gave the woman an apologetic smile and we all sprinted to our car through the rain. As soon as we were in the car, I let the boys have it.

I gave them a pretty long lecture about respecting other people, women and ESPECIALLY a woman with her hands full of baby.

I thought they were so selfish and I was embarrassed that they behaved like five year olds instead of respectful, and mature, young men.

Jazz has gotten better about allowing people to pass him whenever the occasion arises, but Dude is still as selfish and clueless as ever. He has literally jostled me aside to get into the door first and each time this happens, believe you me, he hears about it.

The little stinker.

I haven’t decided if Dude just doesn’t think about it (which presents it’s own set of problems) or if he’s just so competitive that he subconsciously can’t stand the thought of anyone getting somewhere first before him.

I’m sort of leaning toward the competitive excuse because it seems to bother him when people pass him on the road, too.

There’s competitive, and then there’s rude. Either way, we have some work to do.

Summer Fun

Summer Fun: June 19th

Karen

Are you ready for some fun ideas to keep your kids busy this next week?

Here are five ideas to get the creative juices flowing (and please, take these ideas, build on them, make them your own, use them as a springboard for bigger and better ideas):

Day One – Cook dinner with your child and show him or her the do’s and don’ts of preparing food.

Day Two – Have your child tell you a favorite story. Or, show your child how to type out his/her own story and save it. (It’s never too early to start learning how to use a computer!)

Day Three – Teach your child a new skill like setting the table, or cleaning the bathrooms, or mopping the floor or starting a load of laundry, or watering the plants.

Day Four – Ask your child to watch for numbers in TV programs and commercials.

Day Five – On trips, make a game of measuring distances and times. Or play “I Spy,” it’s never too early to start teaching children to pay attention to his/her surroundings!

Crafts for the Kids (by age)

Featured Craft of the Week:
Toddlers
Plant Markers

4 to 5 year olds
Foam Animal Feet

6 to 8 year olds
Beach Coverups

9 to 12 year olds
Kid Book Club

Here is a fun activity from the book, “A Lithgow Palooza!”:

groovy-face2 Body Parts

It doesn’t matter who is a Balanchine and who has two left feet, this dance is all about freedom of movement and improvisation. By exploring rhythm and tempo through isolated body parts, anyone is a dancer and choreographer.

arrow-right-side What to do:

Get your whole body moving one glorious body part at a time. For first-time body-parts dancers, it’s helpful to have a leader, perhaps an older sibling, who can call out the body-parts directions and demonstrate the movements for everyone else to follow. Once everyone gets into the groove, rotate leaders or let the dancers do their own thing. Keeping eyes closed during the dance allows everybody to move without inhibition.

First, set the scene. A clear and open space is necessary for body-parts dancing — really any room where there is nothing sharp to bump into and the furniture can be moved against the walls. Turn off the lights or use dim, colored bulbs for a more artistic atmosphere.

Next, pick some music. If you’re bursting with energy, turn on oldies rock or contemporary pop. If everyone’s mellow, Herbie Hancock is a favorite for body-parts dancing. Look for strong percussion recordings or, for a truly rousing and joyful experience, try body-parts dancing to Prince’s “Rainbow Children.”

Dancers need to stay more than an arm’s length away from anyone or anything. Start in stillness, with everyone standing as tall and motionless as possible, listening to the music, and feeling relaxed. After a few moments, the leader calls the first body part (usually the head), and everyone follows by moving his or her head in any way and keeping all other body parts still. After a period of time, the leader calls the next body part, and dancers keep moving the head and add the second body part. This continues until the whole body is moving. Sequencing the body parts from top to bottom is a good way to make sure everything has been called: head, shoulders, elbows, hands, fingers, back, belly, hips, knees, ankles, feet, and finally toes.

When the leader shouts “Freeze,” the dancers isolate and move two or three body parts at once. If everyone’s eyes are open, the leader can instruct the group to mimic one person’s movements. If the pace of the music changes, the leader can call a slow-motion or fast-paced dance.

To end, play some slow music and have the leader call various body parts to slow down and stop, one at a time, until the room is still.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen (More) Common Writing Mistakes

Karen

TT-banner

I did not write these tips. These tips, and many more like these, can be found at Common Errors in English. So, if you disagree with these rules, then please, don’t kill the messenger. These are here just for your learning/entertainment, nothing more, and nothing less.

Now that you know my disclaimer, let’s move on to the juicy stuff … *rubs hands together in glee* …

1. AS SUCH: The expression “as such” has to refer to some status mentioned earlier. “The CEO was a former drill sergeant, and as such expected everyone to obey his orders instantly.” In this case “such” refers back to “former drill sergeant.” But often people only imply that which is referred to, as in “The CEO had a high opinion of himself and as such expected everyone to obey his orders instantly.” Here the “such” cannot logically refer back to “opinion.” Replace “as such” with “therefore.”

2. ASSURE/ENSURE/INSURE: To “assure” a person of something is to make him or her confident of it. According to Associated Press style, to “ensure” that something happens is to make certain that it does, and to “insure” is to issue an insurance policy. Other authorities, however, consider “ensure” and “insure” interchangeable. To please conservatives, make the distinction. However, it is worth noting that in older usage these spellings were not clearly distinguished.

3. ASTROLOGY/ASTRONOMY: Modern astronomers consider astrology an outdated superstition. You’ll embarrass yourself if you use the term “astrology” to label the scientific study of the cosmos. In writing about history, however, you may have occasion to note that ancient astrologers, whose main goal was to peer into the future, incidentally did some sound astronomy as they studied the positions and movements of celestial objects.

4. ATM MACHINE: “ATM” means “Automated Teller Machine,” so if you say “ATM machine” you are really saying, “Automated Teller Machine machine.”

5. ATTAIN/OBTAIN: “Attain” means “reach” and “obtain” means “get.” You attain a mountaintop, but obtain a rare baseball card. “Attain” usually implies a required amount of labor or difficulty; nothing is necessarily implied about the difficulty of obtaining that card. Maybe you just found it in your brother’s dresser drawer.

Some things you obtain can also be attained. If you want to emphasize how hard you worked in college, you might say you attained your degree; but if you want to emphasize that you have a valid degree that qualifies you for a certain job, you might say you obtained it. If you just bought it from a diploma mill for fifty bucks, you definitely only obtained it. (HAHA!)

6. AVENGE/REVENGE: When you try to get vengeance for people who’ve been wronged, you want to avenge them. You can also avenge a wrong itself: “He avenged the murder by taking vengeance on the killer.” Substituting “revenge” for “avenge” in such contexts is very common, but frowned on by some people. They feel that if you seek revenge in the pursuit of justice you want to avenge wrongs: not revenge them.

7. AWAY/A WAY: “Jessica commented on my haircut in a way that made me think maybe I shouldn’t have let my little sister do it for me.” In this sort of context, “a way” should always be two distinct words, though many people use the single word “away” instead. If you’re uncertain, try substituting another word for “way”: “in a manner that,” “in a style that.” If the result makes sense, you need the two-word phrase. Then you can tell Jessica to just go away. (HAHA, this guy’s funny!)

8. A WHILE/AWHILE: When “awhile” is spelled as a single word, it is an adverb meaning “for a time” (“stay awhile”); but when “while” is the object of a prepositional phrase, like “Lend me your monkey wrench for a while” the “while” must be separated from the “a.” (But if the preposition “for” were lacking in this sentence, “awhile” could be used in this way: “Lend me your monkey wrench awhile.”) (Clear as mud?)

9. BACKSLASH/SLASH: This is a slash: /. Because the top of it leans forward, it is sometimes called a “forward slash.”

This is a backslash: \. Notice the way it leans back, distinguishing it from the regular slash.

10. BALL/BAWL: To “bawl” is to cry out loudly, so when you break down in tears you bawl like a baby and when you reprimand people severely you bawl them out. Don’t use “ball” in these sorts of expressions. It has a number of meanings, but none of them have to do with shouting and wailing unless you’re shouting “play ball!”

11. BARE/BEAR: There are actually three words here. The simple one is the big growly creature (unless you prefer the Winnie-the-Pooh type). Hardly anyone past the age of ten gets that one wrong. The problem is the other two. Stevedores bear burdens on their backs and mothers bear children. Both mean “carry” (in the case of mothers, the meaning has been extended from carrying the child during pregnancy to actually giving birth). But strippers bare their bodies—sometimes bare-naked. The confusion between this latter verb and “bear” creates many unintentionally amusing sentences; so if you want to entertain your readers while convincing them that you are a dolt, by all means mix them up. “Bear with me,” the standard expression, is a request for forbearance or patience. “Bare with me” would be an invitation to undress. “Bare” has an adjectival form: “The pioneers stripped the forest bare.”

12. BARTER/HAGGLE: When you offer to trade your vintage jeans for a handwoven shirt in Guatemala, you are engaged in barter—no money is involved. One thing (or service) is traded for another.

But when you offer to buy that shirt for less money than the vendor is asking, you are engaged in haggling or bargaining, not bartering.

13. BESIDE/BESIDES: “Besides” can mean “in addition to” as in “besides the puppy chow, Spot scarfed up the filet mignon I was going to serve for dinner.” “Beside,” in contrast, usually means “next to.” “I sat beside Cheryl all evening, but she kept talking to Jerry instead.” Using “beside” for “besides,” won’t usually get you in trouble; but using “besides” when you mean “next to” will.

Visit the new Thursday 13 hub for more TT participants.

random stuff

I Must Be Strong

Karen

I absolutely, positively agree with everything on this quiz. This is me – to a T.

How scary.

Bette-Davis

You are a Bette — “I must be strong”

Bettes are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

  • * Stand up for yourself… and me.
  • * Be confident, strong, and direct.
  • * Don’t gossip about me or betray my trust.
  • * Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
  • * Give me space to be alone.
  • * Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don’t flatter me.
  • * I often speak in an assertive way. Don’t automatically assume it’s a personal attack.
  • * When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that’s just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a Bette

  • * being independent and self-reliant
  • * being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
  • * being courageous, straightforward, and honest
  • * getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
  • * supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
  • * upholding just causes

What’s Hard About Being a Bette

  • * overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don’t intend to
  • * being restless and impatient with others’ incompetence
  • * sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
  • * never forgetting injuries or injustices
  • * putting too much pressure on myself
  • * getting high blood pressure when people don’t obey the rules or when things don’t go right

Bettes as Children Often

  • * are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
  • * are sometimes loners
  • * seize control so they won’t be controlled
  • * figure out others’ weaknesses
  • * attack verbally or physically when provoked
  • * take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

Bettes as Parents

  • * are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
  • * are sometimes overprotective
  • * can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Dear Diary

Dear Diary: Dressed and Ready to Par-tay

Karen

Dear Diary:

Thank goodness that’s over.

I spent the better part of the weekend on dress patrol. I know you’re probably sick to death reading about this stupid dress saga, and believe me, I’m sick of writing about it, but it’s a big deal to me because, well, you and I both know – I don’t DO shopping very well. And when I’m actually successful at finding something that fits and something that I like, I’m afraid it’s news worthy.

I got a late start on Saturday. A and M were over and whenever the boys have someone sleep over, I simply DON’T sleep. It’s the mother bear in me I suppose. I’m not only responsible for my boys, I’m now responsible for my sister’s boys too and that sometimes weighs heavily on my mind so that I can’t shut my brain off no matter how hard I try.

I finally summoned enough energy to leave the house about 3:00 in the afternoon. Kevin was at band practice, the boys were busy doing … geeky teenage boy stuff and I had finally talked myself into removing my butt from my chair and getting this odious task over with once and for all.

Hunting for a dress on Saturday was my THIRD trip out to look for a stupid dress. Shopping is like making a trip to the gynecologist for me so you can imagine how enthusiastic I was feeling by this point – I just wanted to get this stupid task over and done with.

I was determined to come home with a dress at all costs.

I only had about two hours before I needed to get back home and cook dinner for five hungry men/boys so I was in tunnel mode.

Tunnel mode means I’m completely focused on my task and get the hell out of my way – I’m on a mission.

Woe to the person who dares to cross my agenda.

I started out at JCPenney’s. And I found about six possibilities right off the bat, which is saying a lot considering they were having a sale and everything was nearly 50% off and really picked over.

I waited for a dressing room (because the place was packed and the atmosphere had a rushed, almost desperate, feel to it) and tried on the dresses.

No offense to JCP or to anyone who has bought a little black dress from JCP but they just felt … cheap. They looked and felt cheaply made and I simply wasn’t impressed with any of them. So, I put them back on the rack and headed back to Macy’s.

The last time I was at Macy’s I was in a hurry (even more so than Saturday) and I had somehow missed a whole section of dresses. I was on my way out the door when I noticed them – hence the reason I went back to take a look.

I grabbed several dresses and headed to the fitting room. At this point in my search, I was thinking outside my comfort zone. I just wanted a damn dress – I honestly didn’t care if it was something I would have normally worn or even of the price. I was feeling desperate and anxious just to cross this hunt off my list.

The dress I fell in love with was absolutely everything I never would have gone for initially. I tried to find a picture of it online, but no luck. Let me see if I can describe it for you:

It was a figure-hugging short (just above the knee) stretchy, spaghetti strap dress. And it had vertical layers of tiers that only accentuated your curves. It was white on top, a baby blue around the waist and then a darker blue around the bottom. All of the colors blended into each other so it was a soft combination of pretty colors as opposed to in your face COLOR – COLOR – COLOR blocks.

I felt sexy as hell in that dress.

I kept it on longer than the rest of the dresses I had tried on. I wanted it. Bad. But the practical side of my brain kicked in (thank goodness) and I knew it simply wasn’t going to happen.

Pros: It looked freaking hot. I felt sexy in it. Kevin would salivate.

Cons: It was $150.00. It was dated, meaning it would pass the fashion muster for a few years but then would look ridiculous when the trend passed. It was $150.00. I would never have an occasion to wear it. It was $150.00.

In the end, I reluctantly took it off and put it back on the rack. *sigh*

My search continued.

As a last ditch effort, I browsed the clearance rack. I don’t normally browse clearance racks because I never, ever, find anything in my size or something I would even remotely consider wearing.

But I looked. And I’m so glad I did.

I found another dress. This one was black and quite similar to the first one I bought – no wonder I liked it. It was timeless and the price was right.

I put it on my “seriously consider” list. I also hid it among some other dresses so some other desperate woman looking for a party dress wouldn’t snatch it up before I had made up my mind about it.

I headed back out to Dillard’s for one last look. I’ll be honest, I loved Dillard’s selections. But their prices … wow. They were a good $20, sometimes $30 more than Macy’s (exact dresses) so it sort of pained me to have to go back, but their dress selection was awesome.

I tried on ten more dresses (no, I’m not exaggerating).

But in the end, I went back to Macy’s and bought the dress I had found on the clearance rack. It wasn’t my favorite, but it was the most practical because of the price and the fact that I could get away with wearing it for many, many years.

The only problem? It’s a size smaller than I normally wear so … if I gain any weight, I’m going to have a problem fitting into it when it comes time to wear it. The bodice is so tight that I feel like I’m wearing a strait jacket with every breath I take.

But hey. Not being able to breathe is a small price to pay to put this dress issue behind me once and for all.

Here’s what I learned from my dress-shopping experience: It is freaking hard to balance self-imposed criteria when looking for a dress. For example: I was looking for something that was classy, sophisticated, wasn’t too young for me, something that looked sexy but wasn’t slutty at the same time and didn’t require a loan from the bank in order to buy.

And I think THAT’S the biggest reason why I hate clothes shopping. It’s that whole trying to find the middle ground thing. I’m a pretty modest person and I like to dress sexy now and again, but if it means being uncomfortable in order to achieve that sexy look, I’m not interested (unless I’ve been hunting for a damn dress for one solid week and then all bets are off).

I simply don’t have the patience required to find decent-trendy-looking clothes.

And because I know you’re going to want to see the dresses I’ve picked, I modeled them for you. I’ll try not to burn your retinas … too much. 🙂

dresses

(Please ignore my bra. I’ll wear a strapless bra – I’m not THAT tacky).

I know. They’re both black. *yawn* But hey, black is black and black is timeless so … hush. 🙂

And would you believe this is my first (and probably last) pair of strappy shoes?? I found these at Payless for $17.00:

legs

I just hope I remember how to walk in heels. I haven’t worn heels in about seven years.

So that’s it. I’m DONE talking about dresses.

I’m sure you’re relieved.

I know I am.

(word count: 1317)