Hi! My day job is a CMA in the Precertificiation Department (I work with insurance companies). I'm a mom to two young men. I've been married to the same man for 34 years. I have a lot to say about nothing. Lucky you.
I tried guys, I really did. I started out strong and about three days in, I just couldn’t summon the creative energy to keep up. Work has been BRUTAL. I’ve been working 45 (ish) hour weeks and I’m just brain dead when I get home. Then, on the weekends, all I want to do is watch mindless YouTube videos, read or nap. I can’t be bothered to write anything creatively. I can’t even be bothered to write anything for this blog.
I also have bouts where I feel woozy and it’s hard to focus on words as they start bending and become distorted and I’m afraid I’m going to have another Vertigo attack so I get off the computer and rest my eyes. (Also – to be fair, I stare at a computer all day at work, too, so there is a lot of eye fatigue going on).
So. I’m tired of stressing about it. NaNoWriMo is supposed to be fun and it wasn’t – at all. I don’t need the extra stress in my life right now so I’m officially calling it quits for NaNoWriMo this year.
I have some ideas for another project that I’m brewing in my brain but I’m done making empty promises. If anything comes from it, I’ll let you know, otherwise, if you don’t hear anything, it was yet another fail in my life.
You know, it’s funny, but I take GREAT pride in excelling in every other aspect of my life EXCEPT writing. Why is that? I know I’m scared of failing, maybe even scared of succeeding. Writing is so near and dear to my heart, like a child, that I can’t stand the thought of people criticizing it. Well, my creative writing, that is. The stuff I write on my blog is simply … me. Take it or leave it – I am who I am. But when it comes to creative writing – I freeze up. And I don’t really know why, truth be known.
And it frustrates me!
I don’t know if I’m making sense. I’m tired, as usual. It’s late, I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open, let alone making sense of my thoughts right now. Suffice it to say, I’ve thrown in the NaNoWriMo towel and I’m moving on.
However, I hope YOU’RE doing well. And learning a lot about your own writing in the process. I think that’s one of the biggest NaNoWriMo wins, in my opinion, the fact that you learn and grow as a writer. Me? I’ve learned that I don’t do long projects. I get so bored with anything over 5000 words. I need to stick to short stories, I guess.
Anyway, good luck if you’re still in the game! I’m cheering you on from the sidelines!
Because we had to cancel our September camping trip to Ozark Outdoors because the hospital I work at mandated the jab and I wasn’t about to succumb to an experimental injectable for a disease that was little more than a severe respiratory infection and I wasn’t in the high category risk for it and I couldn’t justify taking it, I put my resignation in. My last day was supposed to be 9-29-21, however, my religious exemption was approved at the last minute and I agreed to weekly testing so I could keep my job. But we had canceled our trip because we didn’t want to forfeit our deposit – so we didn’t go camping in September. Once the dust settled, I looked to the next little vacation I had asked off for – Veteran’s Day weekend. We knew we would likely go camping but we didn’t really know where – we just knew it would be somewhere close to home. We settled on Branson but we still hesitated on making reservations because my working life is volatile right now and honestly, I’m taking one day at a time. Who knows what the environment will look like tomorrow.
Once the time arrived and the world continued to revolve and the sky didn’t fall on my head, again, we figured we were safe to go ahead and make reservations about two days before we were supposed to leave. We stayed at Musicland Kampground just off the 76 strip. For those familiar with the area, you know exactly what “the strip” is. Branson is a lot like Vegas – all of it’s attractions are all located on one strip of road. It’s a mini Vegas, truth be known. And the campground is right off the strip. We like this campground because you can literally go through a gate and walk up to the strip. This campground is always super clean and the people are very friendly. They also have someone that will show you to your campsite and help you back in which I always appreciate because that’s always the most stressful part for me – navigating Kevin into tight spots.
(That sounded ….. never mind).
I packed up the camper on Friday. We’re really getting packing down to a science so that the only thing I really have to pack is clothes and food – we keep a lot of stuff in the camper so that we don’t have to pack it again and again. We, (I), did forget to pack a few things – more on that later.
This was the first time we pulled the trailer with Kevin’s new F150 truck. By the way, if I didn’t mention it before now, the guy that bought Kevin’s F250 finally paid off the balance and they came and towed the truck away.
Kev was pretty sad to see it go. He got used to driving this monster, it was pretty powerful, so driving the F150 feels kind of weak in comparison.
The F150 did great, by the way. It was really windy when we drove to Branson so that was a complication, and Kevin was getting used to the brakes on the trailer, so there was a lot of bumping as he made adjustments, but once he got the hang of it, it seemed to pull it just fine. I would still like to take it somewhere to get weighed though – just to see how heavy this thing is. We had too much weight in the tongue of the trailer and it bounced quite a big. I think that worried Kevin a bit that the F150 wouldn’t be big enough for future trips, but we’ll see.
We arrived at the site at about 2:00 PM. The guy helped Kevin park it, (THANK GOODNESS), and we worked on setting everything up. The wind was bitterly cold and it was not fun to set up the outside, but I helped him as much as I could and I felt like it went pretty fast. Once we had the electricity hooked up, I uncovered the mini-split and turned the heat on. We’ve never tested the heater part of the mini-split before so I was holding my breath until we confirmed that it was working.
The only thing we really had to set up on the inside was to hang the TV on the mount on the wall and to lift the fridge up on it’s platform and plug it in. We take the fridge off the platform when we’re traveling so it won’t fall off and smash into a million pieces. In the meantime, we pack our perishable food in a cooler with ice packs to keep it cool and once the fridge cools down, (it takes about three hours), I will transfer the food to the fridge and put the cooler in the back of Kevin’s truck to get it out of the way. It works well. Once Kevin hooks up the water/sewer, we fill the toilet up with water so that it’s ready for those late-night pees.
As we were getting the trailer set up, I figured out what I forgot – our pillows. I also forgot to bring my jacket. Kevin had his but I forgot mine and it was simply way too cold to go without, so, we had to make a trip to Wal-Mart to buy pillows and a jacket. I was pretty annoyed with myself for forgetting stuff so important, but at least now we have pillows that we’ll keep in the trailer so I won’t forget them in the future.
Once the trailer was set up, we rested for a bit and then we went out to eat at a BBQ place. Since it gets dark so early now and was dark when we finished eating, not to mention bitterly cold, we headed back to the trailer, changed into comfy clothes and watched “Stripes.” I had forgotten just how STUPID that movie really is. Gah.
The temps dropped to below freezing that night and the mini-split, though worked well, had trouble keeping up. In fact, we were actually a bit hot, but since I’m such a light sleeper, and never sleep well the first night we are away from home, I knew right away when the mini-split started sounding different. It sounded like it was freezing up and we shut it off for a bit so that it could thaw out. Kevin slept pretty well and he had his earplugs in so he couldn’t hear anything and didn’t notice there was anything wrong with the unit. (He has to wear earplugs because I SAW LOGS at night. By the way, he uses these these earplugs, they work REALLLY WELL in case you’re looking for good earplugs and/or you sleep with a partner that also SAWS LOGS).
Also – our water quit working so we assumed it had gotten so cold it froze. Nope. Our connection had fallen off and we hadn’t realized it.
We “slept” in Saturday and had a relaxing morning. We had chicken wraps for lunch, which were delicious and side note: we use coleslaw in a bag instead of lettuce – more crunch, more flavor and lasts way longer than normal lettuce. Afterward, we walked the strip. We really wanted to go to “Beyond the Lens” where you can take selfies in all sorts of fun backgrounds, like Bigfoot and on the moon, but it was like $35 PER PERSON and we’re too cheap to pay that price so we didn’t end up going. In fact, that was the theme of this trip – too cheap to have fun. We would love to do a lot of things in Branson, but like any touristy place, the prices are outlandish and we would prefer to spend our money on other things. Because I was so tired I had a hard time walking without tripping over my feet, we headed back to the trailer and I took a nap while Kevin watched the Discovery channel. (He hooked up the cable and took advantage of the shows he hasn’t watched in forever because we don’t have cable – remember the cheap part?)
After I woke up, (actually, I was woken up by our neighbor who knocked on our door because our water hook up was leaking and causing a puddle), we went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant. It was really good and Kevin commented that their refried beans were the best he’s ever tasted. After we ate, we walked around a few craft malls where Kevin found me a really cool leather purse for a reasonable price. (I’ve since been carrying the purse around and I love it – it has a side zipper pocket for my keys [I never have to take my keys out – it’s a fob and I just push the starter button in my car – not sure I really like that option], and a pocket on the side that is perfect for my eyeglass case).
After that, we headed back to the trailer and watched “The Mexican” with Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts. I had seen it before. Another stupid movie. This is why I don’t watch movies anymore – they are all so DUMB.
Sunday, after taking showers, (by the way, our trailer doesn’t have a shower, we use the showers at the campground. Which is really not that big of a deal, unless you forget to bring a bag to carry all of your stuff in, (another thing I forgot), TO the shower and then it’s a pain in the butt but since most of the rigs at the campgrounds have their own showers, we rarely encounter anyone in the showers, so that’s nice), we walked around another craft mall. After that, we drove to the lake and walked along a hiking trail for a bit and enjoyed the fresh air and sunshine. It was cold, but it was nice. We also realized that when we go camping in the future, we are going to focus more on secluded campgrounds by water as opposed to trendy campgrounds near a lot of things to do. We are both perfectly happy to sit around the site and read, nap, watch TV, go for walks and just enjoy the nature and the peace and quiet. That’s really WHY we like camping – to get away from everything and everyone and relax. The Musicland Campground was great, but it wasn’t really what we were looking for. We stayed at this campground a few times in the past with the boys and it was perfect then because it was in the middle of everything and we were near a bunch of attractions, which we did with the boys, but now that we’re older and just us, it’s just not something that we’re into anymore.
We headed back to the trailer when it started to get dark and we cooked pancakes, eggs and bacon for dinner. As part of my ten-year anniversary with the hospital, they sent me a brochure of things I could pick from and for my “gift” and I picked a two-skillet set to use in the camper. We used those skillets and we really liked them. We don’t have a stovetop in the trailer, but we used a single burner and Kevin had to wait for me to cook the pancakes before he could get started on the eggs, (he cooks eggs are WAY better than me), and it took a while. So, I will be buying a dual flat burner to keep in the trailer from now on. After dinner, we watched some more Discovery Channel shows.
Monday, we packed up and came home. The weather the whole weekend was nice and Monday was no exception. It was sunny and warm and Kevin didn’t have any trouble pulling the trailer back home. In fact, he made sure the majority of the weight was in the back of the trailer this time and the ride home was a lot less bouncy. Weight distribution really does make a huge difference.
Kevin parked in the driveway behind our house and I unloaded the trailer and caught up on laundry. Kevin had to go to his office to do some work.
We learn something every time we go camping. I have a list of things I want to buy and keep in the camper, and we are going to try and put a murphy table in as well. We don’t have a table now, though Kevin did build a “desk” of sorts just under where the TV sits so we’ve been using that, as well as our bench that we sit on at the desk, as a table. We likely won’t go camping again until the Spring as it’s getting a bit too cold for comfort but hopefully, by then, we’ll have a table to use. It wasn’t that big of a deal this time, but it would be more comfortable.
Our goal is to take a trip every other month in 2022. Kevin wants to take impromptu trips but I can’t really do that because I have to give my work at least two weeks notice whenever I ask for any time off and even then, it’s not a sure thing, so we have to make reservations at the last minute to avoid forfeiting our deposits and that can be a gamble because you’re assuming the campground has space. In addition, Kevin has a client that he does payroll for every week, on Thursdays, so he HAS to be in his office on Thursdays to take care of that so if we leave town, it has to be Friday afternoons, (because he delivers the checks on Friday mornings), and we have to be back by the following Tuesday to give him time to prepare for the upcoming week’s payroll. It sucks, but they pay the bills so we have to make due.
Overall, it was a fun, quick little trip and we’re looking forward to more trips in 2022. This trip was easier than the last trip and I’m sure we’ll get the whole process down to a science in no time. I do think I was more of a help to Kevin this time, though. I was able to help him set up and breakdown all of the outside stuff this go around.
Here are some pictures from our trip – starting from left to right:
This Italian restaurant is on the 76 strip in Branson. We didn’t eat there, but we passed it when we were walking down the strip.
Kevin and I wanted to go to Beyond the Lens, this is the entrance, cool, right? But it was way too expensive for our cheap selves so we settled for looking at it with longing eyes as we walked by.
Kevin gained a little weight this trip.
These next three pictures were taken in front of Ripley’s Believe it or not. Hulk is made entirely out of cars parts, King Kong is made from old tires and the werewolf is made from gears, nails, etc. Pretty cool.
We did eat at this chicken restaurant. I had chicken fried tenders rolled in an almond crust and the best sweet potato fries I’ve ever had. They were short staffed and it took a bit to get waited on and our food, but I’m glad we stuck it out because it was delicious.
These next pictures were taken at Table Rock Lake. We were trying to capture the beautiful sunset as it shined through the trees, but I’m afraid we didn’t do it justice. It was magical.
The last picture if our campsite. As you can see, there is a hotel behind us. Again, not the prettiest, or the most peaceful site, but it was super convenient as you literally walk through a gate and you’re on the 76 strip. So, if you’re looking to camp in Branson and want to be close to everything, the Musicland campground is the place to be.
I ended up writing 2,736 words. Part of that word count was updating my November Reflections post that you’ll read at the end of this month, but the majority of that was on my NaNoWriMo project, “For the Greater Good.” I don’t think I’ve mentioned my project on here, before. It’s a Dystopian Fiction story and OF COURSE, it’s about the current vaccine madness and cult, (be honest, it’s a cult following at this point in time), but with a sinister twist. I’m excited about writing it, but because I was down for the count with my Vertigo episode for nearly a week, I didn’t have time to actually outline anything so here I am, again, participating in NaNoWriMo by the seat of my pants.
It makes it way harder to write this way, but it also makes it fun and exciting, too. I wrote my prologue yesterday – it just sort of came to me, but I hated every part of it, even as I was writing it. It took everything I had to actually get through it and I will definitely NOT be using it for the “final” product, if there is a final product.
But no worries. I got some words down and I’m just sort of muddling my way through this and there will inevitably be a few false turns here and there, I just wasn’t expecting to have that happen right out of the gate.
I’m counting my blog and my project in my word count because let’s face it, writing a blog post IS writing and I use writing in my blog as a warm up “for the real thing” so yes, I’m counting this with my word count, too. I don’t know if this makes me a NaNoWriMo Rebel, but that’s how I roll – I do what I want!
In case you’re curious, I’m writing on the SmartEdit Writer software. This is a FREE software and to me, it’s set up like Scrivener though to be fair, I’ve never used Scrivener so I’m not sure how accurate that statement is, but I’m liking it so far and did I mention it’s FREE? No, this is not sponsored, but if you’re looking for a writing software, you might check it out and if you do, let me know how you like it. I would like to buy Scrivener at some point but we’ll see. If SmartEdit Writer is working, why go with something else?
I also LOVE writing sprints on YouTube. Watching these makes me feel part of a writing community and it motivates me to write something. Yesterday, I watched/wrote with the Word Nerds.
You can find a hodge-podge of various writing sprints at Devin Cutting’s YouTube page. If you haven’t tried a writing sprint, I highly recommend it. It’s really fun and you really do feel like you’re in a writing group and not entirely alone.
If you would like to chat with me you’re welcome to send me a DM on the NaNoWriMo website – my username is take2max – and I’ll be happy to extend an invitation for the private chat room. My group is at this link – I don’t know if it will work if you’re not signed into the NaNoWriMo site, but you’re welcome to try.
I wasn’t planning on writing anything today but I’m in the mood to write and I might as well take advantage of that enthusiasm while I can. I think I’m sufficiently warmed up and ready to write. I’ll post a small excerpt from “For the Greater Good” from yesterday. Fair warning: keep a barf bag close by.
I’m working on Prologue #2 today. And if I hate this one as much, then I will continue to write until I get it right. This will be good practice for me and give me a chance to get to know my main character, Nashe, a bit more.
Let me know how you’re doing!
Excerpt from NaNoWriMo project:
Nashe cracked her eyes open. She blinked. Had she lost her sight? Why was everything so dark? She stared up at the ceiling and took a moment to adjust. What happened? Where was she? Why was she lying on a cold, hard table? She tried to move her arms.
Nothing.
Her arms were strapped to her sides.
She tried to move her legs.
Nothing.
She could feel straps around her ankles.
She inhaled a shaky breath. “Don’t panic,” she mumbled as she forced herself to remain calm so that she would have the wherewithal to think.
She turned her head from side to side. She could just make out shapes in the shadows. To her left, was a long sink, it looked deep, like a sink you would see in a science lab. She could make out cabinets lining the rest of the wall next to the sink.
She turned her head to the right. She could just make out the shape of a large window, only it was boarded up and completely dark leading her to believe it was either night outside or the window wasn’t really a window to the outside but a window to an observation room.
That thought caused her to nervously squirm.
She winced as she lifted her head from the table to look toward her feet. Nausea rolled in her stomach as her head swam, a pressing headache knocking at her temples. She concentrated on breathing deeply and forced herself to open her eyes once more. She saw a door with a shade drawn over the window.
She put her head back down on the table and stared at the huge light directly above her. She could feel her heart hammering painfully against her breast bone. She clamped down on her fear and inhaled sharply before exhaling a shaky breath.
She tightly squeezed her eye shut. “Focus,” she whispered. What happened? How did she get here? More importantly, how can she get free? She began to squirm to test how tight her bindings felt. She was able to move her legs somewhat, but her arms didn’t move an inch.
“Breathe,” she muttered momentarily succumbing to the tendril of fear that coiled around her throat and tightly closed her eyes. She took a moment to still her frantic heart and focused on breathing in through her nose, then out through her mouth.
Oct 1: I don’t know if you guys actually visited my blog in October but this was the header. When I saw it on Unsplash, it IMMEDIATELY resonated with me. I’m not sure why. Sure, it’s creepy, but there’s something compelling about all of the hands on the wall, like they are begging for help. I feel like this was a common theme this past year, and really, this year as well. Who knew that 2021 would be just as awful as 2020. Well, maybe not AS awful – our lives pretty much went on though my job situation was stressful, but still, definitely not normal. And the quote I put on the header:
Stare at the dark too long and you will eventually see what isn’t there.
I feel like that perfectly captures people’s mindsets nowadays. We’ve all been staring, obsessing, over this COVID thing and what the media and the government was telling us that we couldn’t see the truth behind the handprints. We didn’t stop to use any sort of critical thinking skills, we just blindly went along to get along, and though we’re slowly getting back to normal, at least some aspects of the country are, the keyword is S.L.O.W.L.Y.
I was Dr. S’s medical assistant today and we traveled to an outlying clinic. I have mixed feelings on outlying clinics. On one hand, I hate them because you have to pack, you have to work in an unfamiliar environment, you race to get things set up when you get there and it’s stressful until you have some rooms full and you give your doctor and your mid-level something to do. On the other hand, it’s nice to get out of the office, the team is much more relaxed and you get to know them a little better than you would in the clinic and though the change is stressful, it’s also challenging – break out of the same ole, same ole.
The clinic ran smoothly – like REALLY smoothly. Like, not one thing went wrong. All of the patients showed up, Dr. S’ got two surgeries out of it so it was worth her time to go and everyone was in a good mood. I really enjoyed it. I like this particular clinic because we use a family provider’s office and it’s part of the hospital so we don’t have to worry about Internet connections, which is REALLY nice because I have worked some clinics where we use a competing hospital’s office and we have to take Wi-Fi hot spots and connecting with that is sometimes a challenge and then the doctor is waiting on me and I can’t do anything because I don’t have Internet … it’s stressful. Not fun. But this was a pleasure to work and I wouldn’t mind working that clinic more often, to be honest.
My manager gave me the green light to leave early so it was really nice to get home an hour early and just breathe. When we had our MA meeting, I again brought up the proposal of taking turns leaving early on Fridays – just leaving a few hours early on a Friday, once in a while, does the mental health GOOD.
Oct 2: Kevin bought a fancy-smancy camera for our podcast. Like, a professional-grade camera, like a $1,500 camera. *gulp* I don’t really have a problem with him spending that much money because A. cameras are his hobby and I know he actually got a good deal on it because he bought it from eBay and the normal price for this type of camera is $5,000 new but B. I trust his judgement. It’s not like he goes out and spends money like this all the time.
I was really more worried about the timing of the purchase, to be honest. Again, I have no idea what is going to happen with my job. Though my religious exemption was approved to opt out of the COVID jab, I still haven’t heard back about the flu vaccine and the clock is ticking. I have no idea what I’m going to do if they deny it but at the same time, how can they deny it if they approved my COVID jab request? My point being, I have no idea how long I will have this job. Not to mention, the “conditions” of this approval haven’t been discussed yet so again, I have no idea how this is logistically going to work out and for how long. And how long will I put up with it? I’d like to stay at this hospital for my remaining working years but again, who knows with everything else going on right now? At any rate, we filmed our Right From Us podcast last night and the camera worked like a dream and Kevin seems really happy with the quality of it. He’s editing it now and will post it soon. You can find that podcast on YouTube, (though only an introduction since YouTube won’t allow free speech anymore), Rumble and Gab TV for the full, unedited versions.
Oct 3:Jumping into Preptober! I freaking love this time of year and it really gets me excited to write fiction. I plan on buying Natalia Leigh’s Preptober Workbook. It looks like it has a lot of fun stuff to help prepare for NaNoWriMo next month. She’s asking for donations, just give what you can and what you think it’s worth. Then you can print it off and pay a place to bind it for you if you wish. I am happy to donate some money to her because she spent a lot of time on the project and it’s going to help so many people. I don’t know if I’ll bind it and I likely won’t use all of the pages, but there are some that look really promising.
Kevin still have his diesel truck. He’s had a few bites but no luck so far. He actually took it off Craigslist because he wants to try a few things to see if he can get it up and running enough to maybe ask more for it. The truck body itself is in excellent condition and F250 diesel trucks go for a lot of money so it makes him sick to think he might sell it and come to find out, it was an easy fix. So, he’s not giving up on the diesel truck yet. I have yet to ride in his new truck.
Oct 7: I found out today that my flu vaccine exemption request was denied. I was not surprised. I’m not even that upset about it because I understand it. I’ve taken flu vaccines in the past, how could they approve it? I’m at peace with this decision. I will do what I think is best for me and my family at this point in time. I will get the vaccine. However, I know, at some point, likely in the near future, this decision will likely come back and bite me in the ass. Because at some point in time, they, the government, Big Pharma, are going to come up with a flu vaccine that will incorporate the mRNA because it supposedly makes producing vaccines faster. And perhaps it does. But until mRNA has been thoroughly vetted and tested, and until I’m convinced that it will most likely not harm me, as opposed to now when I don’t have that opinion, I will NOT succumb. So. What does this mean for my future with the hospital? I don’t know. And I don’t care at this point in time. I’m sick of thinking about it, I’m sick of stressing about it, I’m sick of living under this black cloud. I am at a point in my life right now that I am DETERMINED to live my life the best way I know how and right now, that means one day at a time. A lot can happen before next August, which is the deadline for my religious COVID exemption, I don’t know what that means but I suspect something is coming that I will not be on board with, but for now, I have a job and I’m thankful. I was told today that the hospital is working out the logistics on where and how I will succumb to a weekly COVID test – again, I will deal with that when it happens.
You know what’s weird? I’ve done such a good job of just pretending and moving past this nightmare that when my manager came to me today to tell me about the flu vaccine decision, I was surprised. I had momentarily forgotten that I was on probation, so to speak. I had forgotten that it was even an issue. I want to go back to to those days. When people minded their own damn business and left me the hell alone.
I will get back to those times. Mark my words.
Brandon has been having a lot of problems with his hands. He is very sensitive to a lot of things. We took him to an allergist when he was small – they poked his back with a number of different things and he had a reaction to a lot of them – the worst being oak. Which was unfortunate because we have four huge Oak trees across the street from us. But his hands seem particularly sensitive. He has had outbreaks for years – red, splotchy, peeling, itchy. He’s tried all sorts of OTC creams and some of them helped for a bit, but here lately, it’s gotten bad. He works at a bank so I’m betting handling all of that filthy money all day only makes it worse. I finally talked him into going to a doctor and they prescribed him something today that he says seems to be working pretty good. I don’t know what the medication is yet because he hasn’t answered my text yet (*ahem*), but I’ll let you know when he does. But it warms my heart that he took the initiative to seek help. That he’s being helped. That he’s healing and will get better. There is nothing worse than seeing your offspring hurting or in pain. It’s a very helpless feeling and I don’t know how much more helpless I can take. I want to be in control of my life and I feel like this past year and a half, has been complete chaos. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way. I want off this merry-go-round. And I’m jumping off in 3…2…1…
Oct 9: So tired today. This is one of those days I could sleep all day. Sometimes that happens to me, I just want to sleep. I remember doing that a few times back before I met Kevin and lived on my own. There would be entire days I would sleep and then sleep all night. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it was just exhausting. And of course, I was exhausted the next day, too. I could easily do that again.
Trying to make plans to go camping in November. There is a campground just off the strip in Branson that we have stayed at before and it’s walking distances to so many attractions. We haven’t made reservations yet, but I really want to go.
Question – when they start requiring me to test weekly for COVID, (*eye roll*), how will that work when I’m out of town or on vacation? I’m assuming I will have to test on Saturday to give them time to get the results back before Monday, what if I’m not in town on Saturday? For example, this upcoming mini vacation – I’m taking off Thursday and will be back on Tuesday. How will I test then? Will I have to take the rest of the week off? Will it be a rapid test? It will be interesting to see how this shakes out.
This is the last hot weekend of the season, I think. I’m ready for cooler temperatures and sweatshirt weather.
Oct 11: Dr. M was back in the clinic today. He was a good patient and wore his sling all day. He was back to his old self and it was really good to see. I hope it lasts. I, however, was bored. This job is never slow but sometimes boring. Just because it’s the same thing, over and over again, at least, the process. Patients, of course, are never the same. It make me feel good when patients recognize me and greet me like we’re old friends. I guess that’s what happens when you work for one doctor for ten years.
Oct 13: Dr. M was pretty frustrated today. He had three surgeries that needed immediate attention and obviously he can’t do surgeries for a while so he had to refer them to his partners to take care of. This is his livelihood, this is what he’s gone to school for so many years to do and he can’t do it until he heals. He was a bit cranky today but considering the circumstances, I completely understand and empathize with him.
Kevin sold his F250 today! He didn’t get as much for it as I had hoped but he didn’t do too badly, either. Some guy in Arkansas bought it – he and his buddy work on trucks so this will be the perfect project for them to tackle. I think Kevin is relieved that it’s going to someone that can work on it because if he can get it up and running, he’s got a great truck on his hands. The body is in great shape. The truck is still sitting at LeRoy’s house, the guy has to have his buddy come back with him to tow it back home. I think Kevin is relieved but he’s also sad to see it go. It was a BEAST of a truck. His new(ish) F150 is nice but it’s not as mean as the F250. I’m relieved he’s getting rid of it because I didn’t realize when he bought it how much maintenance a diesel engine was. It’s a handful.
Didn’t read as much as I wanted to this month, but I knocked some rocks loose and my brain short circuited so I had a good excuse. I should still meet my ultimate goal of 55 books by the end of December assuming I don’t have any other mishaps between now and then.
God willing.
___________________________________________________
You can tell which book I’m currently reading by the Goodreads widget in the sidebar.
I’m all about Kindle e-books. I’m a hard core e-book reader. I haven’t read an actual book in quite a long time and I find that when I hold an actual book, it feels large and clunky. I much prefer my Kindle e-reader than an actual book. With that said, I get all of my books from Kindle Unlimited – I rarely, if ever, spend money on a book – it all goes into the $10 dollars a month I pay for Kindle Unlimited.
So, if you’re interested in reading lesser known authors and want to save a ton of money in books, join me!
I rarely read anything lower than a four-star review on Goodreads – I’ve come to trust the reviews of Goodreads readers. I stopped reading for a long time simply because every book I read was stupid, or disappointing and ultimately, a waste of time. (I feel the same with movies – haven’t watched movies, or TV, in about a year). I’ve had great luck sticking to this philosophy and most of the books I read are pretty good.
You can see my book ratings on my Goodreads account.
I have currently read 46 books out of 55.
Moving on, here is my November TBR stack:
Gah – just looking at this picture triggers me. LOL
I wish I were being dramatic.
It all started on Friday. Our team traveled to an outlying city, about an hour away, to hold clinic. We hadn’t been to this particular city in quite some time because we simply didn’t have the patient demand, but for whatever reason the moons aligned, the stars sent a message, (I don’t believe in that stuff, by the way), and we had a small clinic’s worth of patients scheduled. We were going to outlying clinic.
I was stressed. Not gonna lie. We haven’t been to this clinic in quite some time and I knew that the location of this clinic had changed from the last time we had gone and I didn’t know what to expect, how it was set up, where the patients would wait, nothing. Not to mention, we were renting space from a competing hospital, it wasn’t even the same hospital that we currently work at so I knew we would have to take EVERYTHING with us, including a hotspot that sometimes, sometimes doesn’t, work.
Awesome.
But being the perfectionist that I am and determined NOT to let this situation get the best of me, I prepared the sh*t out of it. I got a contact number for our contact person, we emailed back and forth several times with her to find out what rooms we would be using, I called all of the patients ahead of time and got all of the information that I needed from them so that it would take no time at all to plug in their information and Dr. M and H, his mid-level, wouldn’t be waiting on me. I hate that. I never want to be the reason for something being done wrong or not at all. I had the team sign on to their computers before we left to ensure they would be able to establish a connection for their dictation/microphone thingie they use to write their patient notes.
I was ready, or as ready as I could be.
The day of clinic was perfect. The weather was nice, sunny, no issues there. Dr. M told us that he had to get back to town early because he had a meeting he needed to get to so I had called all of the patients the day before and moved their check-in times up but that meant we needed to get on the road super early. I got up at 4:30 AM, got ready, got to the hospital, clocked on and started the first two patient notes so that all I had to do was put them in rooms and get their vitals. I had loaded the company vehicle the night before so all I had to do was meet everyone in the garage and we would take off.
And that’s what happened. It was perfect. We were on the road at 7:00 AM exactly. Everything was going according to plan.
We get to the facility, we unload, we lug our stuff in and settle into our rooms. The hospital was actually really pretty and the rooms were spacious and we had plenty of room to spread out. Everyone signed onto their computers and established a Wi-Fi connection and again, everything was going according to plan. I roomed the first patient, handed her off to H so she could work her magic and then I roomed the second patient.
I was anxious but not really that stressed. At least, I didn’t feel like I was, to be honest. T, our nurse, brought bagels and I was looking forward to having a bagel in between patients.
And then, sh*t hit the fan.
I started feeling dizzy. I have no idea why, it just came on suddenly. I have had a few dizzy spells the past few weeks but they didn’t last long and I went about my day. This time, when it happened, I felt like I was going to faint.
We thought at first my blood sugar was low because I hadn’t eaten anything that morning and T dug out a bagel and I took a few bites thinking that might help. But then I started to feel faint, so I put my head between my legs to get the blood flowing figuring that would help and we could continue on our way.
Big mistake.
BIG. MISTAKE.
When I came back up, I was suddenly transported to Funhouse Hell. I really have no idea what happened, but my eyes wouldn’t focus on anything and the room was spinning and swaying. I completely lost my equilibrium. T noticed it first and then H got involved. Dr. M was with a patient. I remember thinking, “oh thank God, this would be embarrassing in front of Dr. M.” It was embarrassing enough in front of T and H, but they are my girls and I knew they would help me get through whatever was going on.
I remember just sort of staring at the ceiling – it was fascinating in a way to see the room just sort of liquify. I knew I was experiencing Vertigo, but I had no idea why or what to do about it. I immediately started feeling nauseous and knew I was going to vomit. Like, BAD. Of course, this is the moment Dr. M. comes back into the room. At least, I think so, it’s sort of a blur.
H guides me out of my chair and into a reclining chair. She took my blood pressure – 173/105 with a pulse rate of 90 and I was sweating BULLETS. The movement of that transfer is what did me in. Luckily, a barf bag came out of nowhere, I don’t know how the girls found a barf bag so quickly in a room we weren’t familiar with, but it was thrust into my hand and I immediately lost the few bites of bagel and the water/coffee I had drank that morning.
I remember filling the bag up halfway. This barf bag looked like a giant condom and for some reason, on the level that wasn’t freaked out and spinning, I thought it was funny.
The things you think about in the midst of a disaster, I guess.
I started to feel very disoriented and I just kept puking. Dr. M. and H said we needed to wheel me down to the ER and the fact that I didn’t resist speaks volumes – I NEVER go to the ER unless I am dying and in that moment, I thought I might be dying.
Keep in mind, I’ve never experienced Vertigo before so I had no idea what I was dealing with or HOW to deal with it.
We get to the ER check-in desk and there was a female patient sitting there. It sounds like they are shooting the breeze to me and I’m now dry heaving behind her with Dr. M and H standing on either side of me.
Sexy.
I remember H saying to Dr. M., “you want to pull some doctor strings here?” And Dr. M. just sort of interrupts the patient and check-in girl’s conversation though to be fair, I think the patient went to sit in a waiting room chair by that point, and the girl asks for my name but I’m having trouble forming words because I’m thinking, “if I open my mouth I will most likely projectile vomit all over the place.” I didn’t know what I would projectile vomit, since I didn’t have anything else in my stomach, maybe the tail end of my small intestine …? So Dr. M., or H, I can’t remember who, maybe both, gave them my information and then the girl asked me for the last four digits of my social security number.
Social security number? My head was so fuzzy that I remember having to force myself to focus and to run my SSN through my head before giving her the last four digits. I was rather proud of myself for answering that simple question and I was disappointed Dr. M and H didn’t quietly congratulate me.
Kidding.
Sort of.
They wheeled me back to the room and everything and I focused on keeping my head as still as possible. Because every time my head moved even a millimeter out of alignment I felt like my head was going to detach from my body and land on the floor.
Wouldn’t that have been embarrassing. And keep in mind, I’m already MORTIFIED that this is even happening let alone that I barfed in front of everyone.
Oh wait, it gets better.
Even though I knew what was happening around me, it was like it was happening to someone else, or that I was living in a dream world.
I WISH it had happened to someone else. (Well, not really, that would be mean, I wouldn’t wish this experience on my worse enemy). I WISH it was happening to someone else and I still couldn’t believe it was happening to ME, even when we reached the ER room and I stumbled from the wheelchair to the table and then promptly dry heaved some more. (I had a new barf bag by that point – still don’t know where the second barf bag came from to this day – it was like H was a magician with those bags).
At this point, no one really knew what was happening. A tech/nurse, someone, female I think, came in to start placing electrodes on me so they could determine if I was having a heart attack. I didn’t feel like I was having a heart attack but hell, I didn’t know what was happening to my body at this point so I was like, “cool.” I think H stepped out of the room at this point, it’s a little fuzzy, but Dr. M. was close and I remember the woman saying something about having to lift my scrubs to place the electrodes and I was like, “Um …” and Dr. M. stepped out of the room to give us some privacy.
After the woman placed the electrodes she asked me to lie still so they could get a reading on my heart. NO PROBLEM. I never wanted to leave that table and that position ever again. She got the reading and it was determined I was not having a heart attack.
Cool. We could check that box off at least.
The woman left and H came back in. I could sense Dr. M was in doctor mode, (because he’s a kick-ass doctor after all) and assessing the situation. He asked me to smile, stick out my tongue, reach my arms out “to catch raindrops”, (thought that was a cute way of putting it and perfectly described what action he wanted – good job, Dr. M), then touch my nose with each hand. I knew he was assessing me for stroke-like symptoms but I passed with flying colors. I wasn’t experiencing any numbness and tingling in my extremities, just the damn Vertigo.
Cool. Not having a stroke.
H left to try and figure out a clinic that we, and by we, I mean ME, left hanging, (another guilt point for me), with T, who was by herself and likely doing damage control on, and another nurse came in to stick me to draw blood and give me Zofran, Meclizine, and Benedryl. Zofran is for nausea and the Meclizine is for dizziness. While I was waiting for the medication to kick in, I was hunched over on my left side because I was still dry heaving what little bile I had left in my stomach at that point and I was afraid. to. move. at. all. Any time I moved, I dry heaved. I was still sweating and was pretty sure I had wet spots on my scrubs by this time. Also, I had snot coming out of my nose and my eyes were watering so much I was crying.
Or I was crying, or both, I can’t be sure. I was a hot mess and did I mention this was all happening in front of Dr. M?
GADS – THE MORTIFICATION!
However, to Dr. M’s credit, he didn’t leave my side, which I thought was super sweet and I’m pretty sure we’re friends now because I feel like the working relationship zone turns to friend zone whenever you see the other person’s snot run down one’s face.
We’re friends now, whether he wants to agree to that or not. Ha!
Anyway, he’s still in assess mode because he places a finger on my eye lid, (because keep in mind I kept my eyes shut for the majority of this hellacious experience because it was easier for me to cope in the dark as opposed to try and make sense of the revolving world around me – and honestly, I’m getting nauseous just typing this out thinking about it), and he could feel my eye twitching.
There’s something I wasn’t expecting, though it makes sense now. My eyes were in constant motion. It’s because my brain was trying to make sense of what was happening and my eyes couldn’t keep up with the movement. It was like I was reading, but I wasn’t reading, if that makes sense. Kevin actually took a video of my eyes twitching, I haven’t watched it yet, I’m not ready to relive the nightmare quite yet, but he said my pupils were pinpricks and with the twitching, I looked possessed.
Well, isn’t that special. Kevin wasn’t there yet, I’m getting to that part.
I remember thinking, “Damn, Dr. M’s fingers are COLD.” Like ICE COLD. But it sort of felt good because I was so sweaty. Then he asked if could look in my ear and I’m thinking, “you know what buddy? You are seeing me at my absolute worse, what’s a little ear wax between friends?”
He looked into my right ear because remember, I’m hunched over on my left side and you could have offered me a million bucks to move and I would have said, HELL NO, because at least if I didn’t move I wasn’t dry heaving, and he asked, “do you clean your ears out?”
Now look, sir, I don’t need your judgement right about now. I almost laughed and said something stupid like, “really? You’re going to comment on my ear wax build up right now?” but of course, the funny part of me was buried DEEP inside my horrified, embarrassed, scared self and I simply said, “well, not as much as I should, I guess.” He said, “hhm, you have some dried blood in there,” and my very next thought was, “great, I’ve busted a blood vessel. Was it an aneurysm? Wouldn’t I have blood coming out of my ear if that was the case?”
Again, add that to the mystery of my life right about now.
Nothing more was mentioned about the dried blood but if I had a penny to give him for his thoughts, I certainly would have given it to him in that moment. Well, maybe not in that moment since the thought of moving even one muscle made me want to holler like a crazed banshee.
Dr. M does mention possibly getting a head scan and I’m thinking, “awesome, let’s stretch this hellacious highway out a few more miles, shall we?” The ER doctor comes in, diagnoses me and then starts explaining what BPPV is.
BPPV stands for:
Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV) is one of the most common causes of vertigo — the sudden sensation that you’re spinning or that the inside of your head is spinning.
BPPV causes brief episodes of mild to intense dizziness. It is usually triggered by specific changes in your head’s position. This might occur when you tip your head up or down, when you lie down, or when you turn over or sit up in bed.
Although BPPV can be bothersome, it’s rarely serious except when it increases the chance of falls. Source
He explains that the crystals in my ear have come loose and I likely have one in a canal it’s not supposed to be in. This disrupts the fine hairs in my ear that control equilibrium, hence Vertigo.
My rocks are loose. (Oh – so many comments to THAT one, eh?)
He then goes on to tell me there is no cure for BPPV and it’s more likely to occur in people who have had it before. BPPV can last from a day to a week.
When he told me that, I honestly thought I was going to cry. And I would have cried if Dr. M hadn’t still been in the room. Dr. M. didn’t say anything while the ER doctor was in there but I could sense he was still there and I caught a peek of his very stylish loafers beside me at times. (He was sitting on my left so he had a front row seat to my many, and very attractive, dry heaves. KILL ME NOW).
However, the ER doctor said there was something called:
The Epley Maneuver for BPPV
BPPV with the most common variant (crystals in the posterior SCC) can be treated successfully — with no tests, pills, surgery or special equipment — by using the Epley maneuver.
This simple, effective approach to addressing BPPV involves sequentially turning the head in a way that helps remove the crystals and help them float out of the semicircular canal. Several repositioning maneuvers performed in the same visit may be necessary.
The Epley maneuver and other bedside physical therapy maneuvers and exercise programs can help reposition the crystals from the semicircular canals. Recurrences can occur, and repeat repositioning treatments are often necessary.
After Epley maneuver treatment, the patient may begin walking with caution. He or she should avoid putting the head back, or bending far forward (for example, to tie shoes) for the remainder of the day. Sleeping on the side of the affected ear should be avoided for several days. Source
He actually put me through these exercises while in the room. Did they help? Not one bit. In the moment. But who’s to say it didn’t help lessen the length of my Vertigo? I will choose to believe that because being flipped around on the table only made it worse and my dry heaves started back up again. But this exercise is good to know for future reference because there is a good chance this could happen to me again. I pray to God it doesn’t, but I’m a realist.
Here is my NaNoWriMo Playlist. These are songs that make me think of my story. Whether that’s the title of the song, the song lyrics or just the general mood of the song. You might be able to guess the direction I’m taking my story just from some of the titles.
I love closing my eyes and listening to music. It really inspires story ideas – I highly recommend it.
Anyway, it’s another fun tool in my NaNoWriMo toolbox – and something else I can cross off my Preptober checklist.
It was a chilly 40 degrees this morning – Fall is finally here!
I’m currently brainstorming and working out character kinks – stayed tuned!
Remember, you can find me on the NaNoWriMo website at take2max if you want to message me or join my Write Away group! Let’s support each other during this writing challenge!
Write From Karen 