MAN – I needed to hear this.
Also, shut that inner editor down – you’re trying to cross a finish line.
(video warning: language if you’re sensitive).
Haters gonna hate. There is nothing you can do about that but you can control how you react to them. People are hateful for a variety of reasons and most of those reasons have nothing to do with YOU. Haters are simply projecting their unhappiness on to you and unfortunately, you happen to be in their crosshairs at that moment in time. I know it’s easier said than done to shrug off hateful comments or behavior but people are flawed and terrible behavior comes with the territory.
Communication is a learned art. Not everyone pays attention to that lesson and/or they are never taught on how to communicate effectively. I’m telling my fellow MA’s that at work all the time. You can pretty much get anyone to do anything you want them to do if you recognize the art of communication. I took a communications class in college and it changed my life. I’ll never forget when we were assigned a speech where the objective was to persuade the class to our way of thinking. My subject? Legalize marijuana. We had to submit the assignment to our instructor before we got up in front of the class to present it and my instructor thought it was SO convincing that she asked that I put in “for medical purposes” into my speech. I was highly annoyed that she would suggest that but when I took my audience into consideration, young, impressionable, bored college kids, I got it.
But I learned HOW to communicate. The first rule of thumb – consider your audience. Who are you talking to? I consider this daily at work – what kind of patient am I speaking to? If they are young and hip, then I know talking to them as an “adult” will make them tune me out. If I’m talking to an elderly person, I know I have to slow down, enunciate fully and explain everything, BUT, don’t dumb it down so much that it seems I’m treating them like a child. I give patients controlled options when I speak to them – you can pick option 1 or option 2. And if they get upset and don’t understand why I won’t give or do what they want me to do, I explain why we can’t do option 3.
I also took a grammar class where we studied Aristotle which at the time I thought was DRY as sh*t, but I learned a lot about language and the importance of HOW to phrase my words when speaking to people. For example, don’t put people on the defensive when speaking to them – YOU need to do this or YOU shouldn’t do this. Like I said, communicating is an art. And offering someone constructive criticism is TRULY an art.
So, it’s challenging to receive constructive criticism but it’s also challenging to give constructive criticism. You can almost always tell, right away, if someone is truly trying to help you or if they’re having a crappy day and you’re the target. After you have determined the objective behind the comment, then you can proceed accordingly. It’s always best to ignore the hater – they WANT you to engage. They WANT you to fight. I don’t know about ya’ll, but I do not have the time, the energy, nor the desire to deal with someone else’s issues, I have plenty of my own crap to deal with, thank you very much.
But it still stings. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t get our feelings hurt now and again. We just have to be the better person and walk away – out of sight, out of mind.
If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been posting a lot of fiction lately. Largely because of NaNoWriMo, OF COURSE, but I’ll be honest, it’s sort of scary. My writing style won’t please everyone and I don’t even know if it makes sense most of the time because I’m writing for quantity at this stage, not necessarily quality.
But I’m getting to know my characters and I’m having fun doing it so I guess that’s all that matters.
But putting your creative self out there is scary. I can definitely empathize with other content creators out there though I can’t imagine what it must be like to have millions of followers and EVERYONE has an opinion so that must be really hard. You’re constantly being criticized and analyzed and people think you should have done this, or shouldn’t have done that and it’s easy to have an opinion on something you didn’t sweat blood to produce. Because in case you haven’t noticed, creating something out of nothing is HARD WORK.
But it’s also strangely satisfying. However, if you’ve noticed, I don’t allow comments on my blog because quite frankly, I’m doing what I’m doing for ME, not for any one who happens to visit. If I take time to stop and read what people think, to hear constructive criticism, it will slow my momentum down and I’ll start to doubt myself. My thoughts and feelings are my own, agree or disagree, they’re still mine to share.
Also, the majority of people do not know how to effectively communicate their thoughts without attacking, name calling or just being assholes and I don’t care about those people. And I certainly don’t have time to weed through the muck to find the genuine ones so I simply don’t open myself up to that situation. It simplifies my life and right now, I think we would all agree, we need simple in our lives right now.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I really don’t care anymore if anyone likes my writing or not because it’s just something I HAVE to do. I have to purge my thoughts and writing is the best way I know to do it. I let that fear hold me back for too many years and you know what? Life is getting shorter and shorter, especially for me because I’m old(ish).
Speaking of which …
Today is my birthday. Why don’t you follow me? You want to make my special day special, right?
Just kidding. Do what you want. But I DO appreciate YOUR time when you read my crap. It means a lot. Thank you.
Have a lovely day!
Write From Karen 